Movie Review Body of Evidence

Body of Evidence (1993) 

Directed by Uli Edel 

Written by Brad Mirman 

Starring Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Ann Archer, Joe Mantegna 

Release Date January 15th, 1993

Published January 16th, 1993

Body of Evidence is a movie so lurid and sleazy it has a scent. I imagined while watching this 'erotic' thriller that Body of Evidence carried the scent of unwashed bedsheets, body odor, and bad cologne. And maybe a hint of Scotch. Body of Evidence would make a make a poor advertisement for Smell-O-Vision, that's for sure. Watching Madonna and Willem Dafoe in various states of extraordinary nakedness, at the height of their beauty and uniqueness respectively, may not seem so bad until you watch the way director Uli Edel captures this image and makes you feel guilty for even considering enjoying it. 

That Body of Evidence was released to the popcorn munching masses in 1993 is indicative of where we were as a society. In 1993 it was somehow acceptable for filmmakers, almost exclusively male, to spend millions of dollars bringing their very specific masturbatory fantasies to the big screen. Today, we somehow have come around on the idea of good taste. At the very least, we now discourage men from having hard-ons in public places. But first, we had to hit bottom and the 90s was certainly a bottom. With Basic Instinct and Body of Evidence, the 90s were a horny, sweaty, free for all that's not nearly as much fun as it sounds. 

Now, before anyone assumes I am some kind of scold or prude or whatever, I assure you that's not the case. I'm sex positive. I think sex can be a natural, zesty enterprise. My point is not to shame anyone, be confident in what you enjoy as long as you aren't hurting anyone. My point is only that there is a place for horniness and it is not a mainstream movie theater. Pornography is just fine with me, but it belongs in private. I don't think society is asking too much by asking that we don't look at pornography in public. 

And make no mistake, Body of Evidence is and was pornography. Willem Dafoe has stated that the sexual activity in the film is real. Specifically, a scene of oral sex on top of a parked vehicle in a parking garage simply could not be faked for the camera. And that's fine, if you are watching at home, alone or with a willing partner. In public, it's weird and creepy. I told my co-host M.J, from the podcast that inspired this review, the all new Everyone's a Critic 1993 podcast, that this film was released in theaters, and they were floored. M.J is 18 years old. 

Ostensibly, Body of Evidence is the story of a woman named Rebecca who is arrested for murder. Willem Dafoe is her crusading lawyer, Frank. Together they fight to prove Rebecca's innocence and in the process they fall in love. It's a truly inspiring story overcoming the odds, finding a true partner, and allowing love to win the day. Okay, yeah, no, Body of Evidence is actually just a porno movie that is occasionally interrupted by the dumbest episode of Law & Order. 

Rebecca is accused of sexing her boyfriend to death. The prosecuting attorney, Robert (Joe Mantegna) actually says in court "She is a beautiful woman. But when this trial is over, you will see her no differently than a gun, or a knife, or any other instrument used as a weapon." The man Rebecca was sexing at the time was in his 60s and suffered from a heart problem. He'd also just changed his will to leave everything to Rebecca. There is also the fact that his nasal spray was spiked with cocaine. That might also have caused a problem. 

Despite this being a courtroom drama, no one seems to know how a court case works. There is a lot shouting objection and lots of shaming Rebecca for enjoying having sex. And that's pretty much it. The prosecutor tries to make the case that she tried to sex other men to an early grave but what the movie fails to understand is that having consensual sex is not illegal and having a heart problem while having very athletic sex, is still not murder. The courtroom nonsense relies greatly on the idea that men aren't capable of saying no to sex therefore she killed them with sex. You know what no one does? Dust for fingerprints on the nasal spray bottle to see who other than the dead man might have touched it. But there I go bringing logic to where it is certainly not welcome. 

Click here for my full length review at Filthy.Media.

Movie Review The Old Way

The Old Way (2023) 

Directed by Brett Donawho 

Written by Carl W. Lucas 

Starring Nicolas Cage, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Shiloh Fernandez, Noah Le Gros 

Release Date January 6th, 2023

Published January 10th, 2023 

The Old Way stars Nicolas Cage as former gunfighter Colton Briggs. A well known and much feared outlaw in his day, Colton is now domesticated. He has a wife, Ruth (Kerry Knuppe), and a daughter, Brooke (Ryan Kiera Armstrong), and a dry good store in town. He's become an upstanding citizen so naturally, his past is coming back to haunt him. Enter a group of bandits led by James McCallister (Noah Le Gros). McCallister and his gang are on the run from the law when they happen upon the Briggs' home while Colton is away at work. 

Through a fluke of fate, the home that the bad guys want to hole up in for a night is that of the man that killeed McCallister's father and uncle right in front of him more than a decade ago. Though he's well aware of Briggs' reputation as the coldest of cold blooded killers, McCallister and his goons, Boots (Shiloh Fernandez), Big Mike (Abraham Benrubi), and Eustice (Clint Howard), set about torturing and murdering Ruth with McCallister hoping that her murder will bring Briggs out of outlaw retirement. 

Indeed, this does provide motivation for Colton to dust off his long black coat and revolvers but there is a potential impediment to Colton's roaring rampage of revenge. Colton's daughter is still alive. She was with Colton at his story when her mother died. Thus Colton must decide what to do with his little girl while pursuing his outlaw revenge. Lucky for him, Brooke has a lot more of her father in her than he might imagine. Brooke doesn't cry over her mom's death, she picks up a shotgun. 

That's a good set up for a western story. Sadly, as that story plays out in The Old Way, it never gains much life. What's lacking in The Old Way is something to really set the story apart from other similar stories. You might reasonably assume that casting the wildly charismatic and unpredictable Nicolas Cage might provide that unique quality but you'd be mistaken. Unfortunately, Nicolas Cage delivers one of the most by the numbers performances of his career in The Old Way. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Movie Review A Man Called Otto

A Man Called Otto (2023) 

Directed by Marc Forster 

Written by David Magee 

Starring Tom Hanks, Mariana Trevino, Rachel Keller, Truman Hanks, Manuel Garcia Rulfo 

Release Date January 6th, 2023 

Published January 6th, 2023 

A Man Called Otto hits an emotional sweet spot for me. It made me cry in both sadness and in joy. This is a movie I was incredibly skeptical about. The trailer was an irritation, it made Tom Hanks into some kind of Archie Bunker character in a modern sitcom. Thankfully, that's not what A Man Called Otto really is. Instead, the film, directed by the brilliant Marc Forster, is a study of grief, aging and loss tinged with romance, sentimentality and a sense of humor. That sense of humor starts with casting purportedly the nicest man in Hollywood, Tom Hanks, as a grouchy curmudgeon who treats others with a deep and abiding contempt. 

Tom Hanks is Otto Anderson and six months ago, his beloved wife, Sonya, passed away. His grief has turned Otto into a depressive hermit who lives only by the routine of punishing minor offenses committed by his neighbors in a tiny gated community. Outside of that, he's simply waiting to die. Well, actually, he's not waiting. One of the first things we see Otto doing is gathering the materials needed to hang himself. That's when fate intervenes in the form of new neighbors, one of whom, Marisol (Mariana Trevino), seems intent on making Otto her friend. 

There is a strangely magical quality to A Man Called Otto in how fate constantly conspires to interrupt Otto's attempts at killing himself. It's comical how many times Otto comes close to ending his life only to have someone intervene at the last moment, unwittingly causing Otto stick around. And that's the arc, Otto battling with a universe that seems intent on keeping him alive regardless of his desire to go to the afterlife to be with his wife. One of those intervening to keep Otto around is a homeless cat who takes to Otto and may or may not be magical manifestation of his late wife. 

That's purely my interpretation of A Man Called Otto. Most other critics seem to be treating the film as a straightforward story about a jerk who hates everyone and is trying to kill himself. Me, I see a magical story about fate and a man eager to defy the forces of good around him. I found that to be a very sweet and funny story, dark, yes, but only in the sense that the character is in a dark place emotionally and the light seems to actively try to find him. Your mileage will vary on whether you buy into my take on the movie or decide to take it merely at face value. 

Mariana Trevino is a complete delight. Her Marisol is a ball of joy bounding into Otto's life unaware of his troubles and yet determined to save him all the same. She's Magic Pixie Dream Best Friend, a sweetheart bursting with empathy and cheer. Even in the moments where Otto inflicts some genuine hurt on her via his bad attitude, she always bounces back and her resilience is inspired. In the hands of a lesser performer, the character of Marisol could just be a function to move the plot but in the hands of Mariana Trevino, the character takes on wonderful dimensions as she draws Otto toward revealing his pain and beginning to heal. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Megan

Megan (2023) 

Directed by Gerald Johnstone 

Written by Akela Cooper 

Starring Allison Williams, Violet McGraw, Amie Donald. Ronny Chieng 

Release Date January 6th, 2023 

Published January 6th, 2023 

Megan stars Allison Williams as Jenna, a roboticist with a knack for creating robots. Jenna's first creation is a Furbie style toy that can learn and carry on unique conversations, far beyond the canned responses of other similar toys. However, Jenna's big goal is to create a fully autonomous, learning, thinking and talking robot. In fact, we even see her misappropriating funds from her employer in a failed attempt to create Megan, a fully autonomous robot. 

Meanwhile, as Jenna is recovering from an 'explosive' failure, her life is being upended on the other side of the country. In Oregon, Jenna's sister, brother in-law, and niece, have been in a car accident. The parents of Cady (Violet McGraw) have died in the accident leaving the care of their daughter to Jenna. Never mind that Jenna is ill-equipped for being a parent, she's stuck with the kid and a failed robot and a deadline to try and make a new product in less than a day. 

In order to facilitate the plot of Megan, having Cady around inspires Jenna to revisit her failed Megan experiment. This time, it doesn't explode and when Jenna shows off the new Megan to her boss, David (Ronny Chieng), he compares Megan to the creation of the automobile. In order to get Megan working and demonstrate her capabilities, Jenna pairs Megan with Cady and the creepy robot becomes Cady's new best friend and primary caretaker. You can probably imagine why that's not a good thing. 

This is, of course, a horror movie. Thus, Megan is a horror movie villain whose particular villainy is explored in the second act followed by a third act showdown. The makers of Megan are not trying to reinvent the wheel. Thus, you can likely predict the nasty twists and turns of the second act as Megan destroys those who pose a threat to her new best friend Cady. Victims line up to be victims and are dispatched thusly. I will say, at least one of the murders, involving a power washer of all things, is unique, but there is nothing surprising happening and not much in the way of tension either. 

Click here for my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review Leprechaun

Leprechaun (1993) 

Directed by Mark Jones

Written by Mark Jones 

Starring Warwick Davis, Jennifer Aniston, Ken Olandt, Mark Holton 

Release Date January 8th 1993 

Published January 9th, 2023 

Reflecting the movie Leprechaun 30 years later, it's a movie that should not exist. To steal phrase from a popular podcast, 'How did this Get Made?' How did a filmmaker look at a box of Lucky Charms and think to himself: Leprechaun horror movie. The existence of Leprechaun is perplexing enough but then, when you actually watch the movie, the questions only grow. This bizarre amalgamation of horror tropes, looney tunes gags, and endless continuity errors is undeniably entertaining but not for many of the reasons the filmmakers intended. 

Leprechaun begins on the sight of our titular anti-hero, the Leprechaun (Warwick Davis), savoring his pot of gold. Then, smash cut to a limousine somewhere in North Dakota. Inside the limo is Dan O'Grady (Shay Duffin), fresh from a trip to Ireland and flush with new found money. It seems that Mr. O'Grady, at some point unseen by us, captured and robbed the Leprechaun of his precious gold. Unfortunately for Dan and his beloved wife, Mrs. O'Grady (Pamela Mant), the Leprechaun wasn't keen on this idea and has followed Dan back to America for revenge. 

Cut to 10 years later. Dan O'Grady is gone after having trapped the Leprechaun in a crate in his basement with the aid of a four leaf clover, the kryptonite of the Leprechaun world. A father and daughter, J.D and Tory Redding, John Sanderford and Jennifer Aniston, are moving into the former home of the O'Grady's. Through a series of coincidences involving the unusual trio of young men hired to paint their new home, the titular Leprechaun escapes and goes on a rampage in search of his lost gold. 

Leprechaun began life as a straight ahead horror movie. Writer-Director Mark Jones admits that he looked at a box of Lucky Charms and that's where the idea came from. What with Halloween and Christmas having successfully launched horror franchises, why not St. Patrick's Day? That kind of mercenary logic is how you get something as strange and memorable as Leprechaun. This was 100% not a passion project for anyone, it was strictly a means to creating a cheap, repeatable holiday horror franchise. 

The only element that no one could have predicted was how much actor Warwick Davis would take to his Leprechaun character. The beloved star of Willow appears to delight in the role of a murderous Leprechaun. Davis is having a blast in this big broad character and it's hard not to enjoy just how much he is enjoying the nonsense he's involved in. Little of what he does or that the character is capable of makes any lick of sense, but Davis performs all the nonsense with such relish you can't help but have a little fun. 

Click here for my full length review at Horror.Media 

Classic Movie Review Giant

Giant (1956) 

Directed by George Stevens 

Written by Fred Guiol, Ivan Moffat

Starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rock Hudson, James Dean, Carroll Baker 

Release Date November 24th. 1956 

Published January 8th, 2023 

The latest presentation of The Film Foundation is the 1956 epic, Giant, starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rock Hudson, and James Dean. It's the story of money and privilege on the growing Texas prairie of 1956, a time when cattle and oil battled for land and financial supremacy. And a rare moment where a woman confronted the sexism of the time to demand her place in the world. It's also a 3 hour plus movie that takes a while to get to a place where something genuinely interesting takes place. 

The story kicks in when Jordan 'Bick' Benedict, travels to Maryland to purchase an expensive horse. The rich man selling the horse happens to have a beautiful daughter, Leslie (Elizabeth Taylor), who challenges him and within days of his arrival, becomes his wife. The two return to Texas where Bick's sister, Luz (Carroll Baker) is less than welcoming of her new sister in-law. Their conflict plays out quickly with Luz's death bringing an end to the brief chapter. 

Luz's death precipitates a rivalry between Bick and Luz's favorite ranch hand, Jett Rink (James Dean), who refuses to take Bick's money. Instead, he takes a piece of Bick's land that is believed to be relatively worthless. This being Texas however, the property is soon found to be valuable, bursting with oil. This furthers the rivalry between Jet and Bick, though that really takes a while to develop. Just as soon as Jet is pumping oil, the film jumps more than a decade into the future. 

I am embarrassed to say this, but it is true, I was bored throughout Giant. I recognize the large story being told and the skillful way in which George Stevens captures it all, but the story failed to grab me. I just couldn't stay interested in the sexless, chemistry free relationship of Elizabeth Taylor and Rock Hudson. They have three kids, but they have the romantic chemistry of acquaintances who happen to be married. The separate beds they sleep in are a sign of the times in 1956 but they are also, unintentionally symbolic of Hudson and Taylor's lack of bedroom compatibility. 

Then, there is James Dean, a legend who died young and left a blazing legacy. The James Dean of Giant is a creepy weirdo, a wiry, weird little troll of a man. He's supposedly the villain of the picture but he's so rarely on screen in the first two hours of Giant that he hardly registers beyond his deeply mannered and strange performance. The intention appears to be to make Jett Rink the big bad guy of the movie, but he doesn't really do much aside from some of the hammiest drunk acting I've ever seen in a movie. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Movie Review Firenado

Firenado (2022) 

Directed by Rhys Frake Waterfield, Scott Jeffrey 

Written by Tom Joliffe 

Starring Sian Altman, Nicola Wright, Stephen Staley

Release Date January 3rd, 2023 

Published December 29th, 2022 

Firenado is as dopey and low rent as that title indicates. It's also kind of fun, as that title implies. The story goes that a group of weather scientists figured out a new way to study tornados with the ultimate goal of controlling a tornado. Finding a tornado in a remote area, the group lets loose their technology only to accidentally grow the tornado beyond their control. Naturally, because the movie is called Firenardo, the out of control and over-powered tornado passes over the top of a gas station. 

While pressing the boundaries of credibility, the gas pumps light the tornado on fire and the tornado grows further out of control. Our group of scientists, including Anna (Sian Altman), a student learning about meteorology, Helena (Nicola Wright) an assistant to the professor in charge of the experiment, Professor Devlin (Toby Wynn Davies). There is another guy there too, but he doesn't matter much. He's a brief comic relief character who is offed quickly amid the early destruction of the tornado. 

There is a secondary plot in Firenado because apparently stopping a tornado that is on fire is not enough for one movie. Thus, we get a heist plot. A group of criminal's plans to enact a heist in the midst of the storm. Unaware that the tornado they are planning to use for cover has become a firenado, the criminals attack a safe house where an accountant, Pierce Moore (Daniel Godfrey), is hiding out with millions of dollars. 

Somehow, the scientists are also on their way to this safe house. The scientists are working their way across the countryside warning people to run from the Firenado with minimal success. They happen to arrive at the safe house just as the criminals do and a shootout ensues, somehow, until the firenado catches up. Then we get a chase scene and another multi-million dollar safe house and a burgeoning romance between Pierce and Anna and it's... a lot. It's a lot. 

You might be surprised to know that a fire tornado, or Firenado, is a real thing. Not the way it happens in this movie, obviously, but they do happen. It's rare but, most often they occur related to atmospheric conditions surrounding forest fires. There is little, really no chance that a tornado hitting a gas station will lead to a 'Firenado,' as happens in this movie. That said, of course, this movie is not based on any real danger. Instead, Firenado is a very silly B-movie looking to capitalize on the already dated trend of placing odd things inside of Tornados like Sharks, Ghosts, Dinosaurs, and Cars. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media