Movie Review Rollerball

Rollerball (2002) 

Directed by John McTiernan

Written by Larry Ferguson, John Pogue 

Starring Chris Klein, Rebecca Romijn, LL Cool J, Paul Heyman 

Release date February 8th, 2002 

Published February 7th, 2002 

Roger Ebert once said of the movie Mad Dog Time that the film did not improve upon the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same amount of time. I haven't seen Mad Dog Time but after seeing Rollerball I completely understand the sentiment. Rollerball is astonishingly boring on top of being mind numbingly awful. 

Rollerball stars poor misguided Chris Klein as the star player of the international sport of Rollerball. I've skipped ahead of the story, he doesn't begin the film by playing Rollerball, but you see the beginning of the film has nothing to do with anything. My theory is that the director owed the extras in the scene a favor and decided to leave it in the final product.

Oh right the story, anyway Chris joins his old college buddy LL Cool J in playing Rollerball. Leave out the age inconsistency in their having been college buddies because counting the inconsistencies in Rollerball might take as long as watching the film itself. Forget about the story description too, it's hard to call something so scattershot a story. From what I gathered, there is something about Jean Reno being a bad guy who hurts people and Chris and LL want to stop him along with Rebecca Romijn who does.... something. I'm not sure exactly what her function was, because all I remember is her awful, awful accent.

Adding to the idiocy, for some reason there is a ten-minute section of the film around the halfway mark that was filmed with a night-vision camera. We don't know why but there it is in all its pointlessness. As for the sport of Rollerball, I believe it's a series quick edits of mindless violence set to some stupid speed metal anthem.

What is most frightening is that this is the re-shot and "improved" version of Rollerball. The film was initially to be released in August 2001 but after a disastrous preview screening attended by our friends at Ain't It Cool News. The producers pulled the film and ordered it re-cut and re-shot. If this is the better version, the original must be something akin to a filmed bowel movement.

Honestly, when wrestling announcer Paul Heyman stars as the Rollerball announcer and brings the film it's only source of dignity there is something very wrong. If you were thinking of seeing Rollerball let me save you the ticket price. Make a fist and punch yourself about the stomach and head for two solid hours. That's easily the equivalent experience of watching Rollerball, if you also poked yourself in the eyes while doing it.