Rambo (2008)
Directed by Sylvester Stallone
Written by Sylvester Stallone
Starring Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, Matthew Marsden
Release Date January 25th, 2008
Published January 28th, 2008
*sniff* *sniff* What is that smell? Desperation? Is it just me or does desperation smell like feet? It could just be the odor wafting off the new Rambo movie from writer, producer, director, star Sylvester Stallone. Desperate to rekindle past glory, or maybe just raise some quick cash to pay for his latest plastic surgery bill, Stallone has pulled Rambo out of moth balls and though he slips back into the role like a sweat stained t-shirt, the odor of desperation is too overwhelming not to turn the stomach of even the hardiest of fans.
Desperately clinging to the last of his star power, Sylvester Stallone returns to the role of John Rambo. Now living in the war zone of Burma, he raises snakes for a living, Rambo has found a comfortable place in the world. That comfort is upended by a group of missionaries who ask his help to go into the northern war zone.
They want to aid the people suffering under military dictatorship. Rambo thinks they have a death wish. After much pushing and prodding, Rambo finally takes them to the north. He is then not the least bit surprised when less than a month later he is approached by a man who says the missionaries were never heard from again.
Rambo is then recruited to join a group of mercenaries who will attempt a rescue. Leading a hot headed, arrogant group of for profit soldiers, Rambo quickly locates the missionaries held by a rogue military attachment, and the violence begins.
Sylvester Stallone wrote, directed, produced and starred in Rambo basically because his last three original features, outside the Rocky or Rambo characters, have gone directly to video stores and quickly to the dump bin. His star power has waned to an astonishing degree from when he was arguably the biggest star in the world.
Unlike Bruce Willis or Harrison Ford who have managed to age their ally, Stallone clings to his image as a buffed up action star. His Rambo is a Rambo who clearly spends a lot of time in the Burmese equivalent of Gold's Gym. And who knew Burma had such fabulous plastic surgeons.
What audience he can't impress by pretending to be 20 years younger he attempts to impress with non-stop ugly violence. The violence of Rambo is some of the ugliest ever brought to the screen. The creators of Saw and Hostel combined likely didn't spill this much fake blood.
Though the film is laughable for Stallone's sad desperate attempt to remain relevant, the violence isn't the least bit comical. Stallone strives for realism and crafts some of the most hard to watch violence ever brought to the screen. I urge the squeamish to stay far away from this one.
Then again, I urge everyone to stay away from Rambo. The stench of desperation and greed is pungent and the violence? Beyond merely off putting, it's disturbing.
