Movie Review Rambo

Rambo (2008) 

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Written by Sylvester Stallone

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, Matthew Marsden

Release Date January 25th, 2008

Published January 28th, 2008

*sniff* *sniff* What is that smell? Desperation? Is it just me or does desperation smell like feet? It could just be the odor wafting off the new Rambo movie from writer, producer, director, star Sylvester Stallone. Desperate to rekindle past glory, or maybe just raise some quick cash to pay for his latest plastic surgery bill, Stallone has pulled Rambo out of moth balls and though he slips back into the role like a sweat stained t-shirt, the odor of desperation is too overwhelming not to turn the stomach of even the hardiest of fans.

Desperately clinging to the last of his star power, Sylvester Stallone returns to the role of John Rambo. Now living in the war zone of Burma, he raises snakes for a living, Rambo has found a comfortable place in the world. That comfort is upended by a group of missionaries who ask his help to go into the northern war zone.

They want to aid the people suffering under military dictatorship. Rambo thinks they have a death wish. After much pushing and prodding, Rambo finally takes them to the north. He is then not the least bit surprised when less than a month later he is approached by a man who says the missionaries were never heard from again.

Rambo is then recruited to join a group of mercenaries who will attempt a rescue. Leading a hot headed, arrogant group of for profit soldiers, Rambo quickly locates the missionaries held by a rogue military attachment, and the violence begins.

Sylvester Stallone wrote, directed, produced and starred in Rambo basically because his last three original features, outside the Rocky or Rambo characters, have gone directly to video stores and quickly to the dump bin. His star power has waned to an astonishing degree from when he was arguably the biggest star in the world.

Unlike Bruce Willis or Harrison Ford who have managed to age their ally, Stallone clings to his image as a buffed up action star. His Rambo is a Rambo who clearly spends a lot of time in the Burmese equivalent of Gold's Gym. And who knew Burma had such fabulous plastic surgeons.

What audience he can't impress by pretending to be 20 years younger he attempts to impress with non-stop ugly violence. The violence of Rambo is some of the ugliest ever brought to the screen. The creators of Saw and Hostel combined likely didn't spill this much fake blood.

Though the film is laughable for Stallone's sad desperate attempt to remain relevant, the violence isn't the least bit comical. Stallone strives for realism and crafts some of the most hard to watch violence ever brought to the screen. I urge the squeamish to stay far away from this one.

Then again, I urge everyone to stay away from Rambo. The stench of desperation and greed is pungent and the violence? Beyond merely off putting, it's disturbing.

Movie Review Punisher Warzone

Punisher Warzone (2008) 

Directed by Lexi Alexander

Written by Nick Santora, Art Marcum, Matt Holloway 

Starring Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Julie Benz, Dash Mihok, Wayne Knight 

Release Date December 5th, 2008 

Published December 5th, 2008 

That sound you have been hearing for weeks as commercials aired for Punisher Warzone with the collective America all screaming "WHO" when the name Ray Stevenson was touted. Who the hell is Ray Stevenson? He was one of the stars of HBO's well respected series Rome.

Of course, that show never averaged more than 2 million viewers per airing in its two seasons and only 200,000 of those viewers are likely to be able to recognize good ol' Ray as Titus Pullo. So why does Lionsgate tout Ray Stevenson? Who knows.

They would have been much better off touting the film's extraordinary violence. Punisher Warzone cuts more throats, explodes more heads and spills more fake blood than any three of the Saw films combined. The perverse level of violence and the director's lingering camera as said violence commences reaches an almost entertaining level of kitsch.

Almost.

Ray Stevenson (Yes, that Ray Stevenson) stars as Frank Castle, an ex-special forces soldier whose family was killed in cold blood. Now he spends his days hunting the wicked and has set his sights on the local mob. Led by the sadistic Billy Russoti (Dominic West) this collection of mobsters are some of the most offensive goomba stereotypes in history.

Most of these Italian stereotypes are just cannon fodder for Frank who in the opening scenes swings into action slicing heads, necks and limbs. He is soon swinging upside down from a chandelier shooting a pair of guns that mow down a roomful of gangsters, murdering not just goombas but the laws of physics as well.

It comes down, of course, to a battle between Frank Castle and Russotti who by the end has been renamed Jigsaw, an affront to the exceptional baddie from the Saw movies. There are a couple of cops involved as well, Dash Mihok and Colin Salmon play a pair of the worst cops in movie history.

Director Lexi Alexander shows one thing in Punisher Warzone,  you don't have to be a man to record some seriously hardcore violence. Alexander in fact pushes beyond even her most perverse counterparts, leading one to wonder if her gender played a role in her choice to  include so much violence. If so, what was she trying to prove?

Punisher Warzone is violent in ways so outlandish you almost have to admire it. I don't admire it but I was mildly amused. Unfortunately, director Alexander fails to go for the full on kitsch and the movie bogs down when there isn't blood being spilt. That takes the film from so bad it's good to just plain bad.