The Longshots (2008)
Directed by Fred Durst
Written by Nick Santora, Doug Atchison
Starring Ice Cube, Keke Palmer, Dash Mihok, Tasha Smith, Matt Craven
Release Date August 22nd, 2008
Published August 21st, 2008
"Zzzz" Zzzz" Huh, what. Oh. Right. I am reviewing The Longshots starring (Yawn) Ice Cube and Keke Palmer. "Zzzz" "Zzzz". Oh. Sorry. Even thinking about this sports movie snoozefest makes me nod off. It's not that The Longshots isn't appealing or well crafted, it's just not all that interesting. A girl quarterback is novel and the true story thing makes it more novel. Beyond that however, the film, directed by (I kid you not) former Limp Bizkit rocker Fred Durst, is a by the numbers sports movie filled with all of the uplift, pomp and circumstance typical to the genre.
Ice Cube stars as Curtis, a layabout former high school football stud whose life just didn't pan out. Now a neighborhood cautionary tale, Curtis is pushed by his sister to take an interest in his niece Jasmine. They have little in common. When one day Curtis tempts Jasmine into throwing the football with him he finds her surprisingly adept.
Curtis decides to nurture her talent and before long she is throwing with more power and accuracy than most boys her age. Curtis decides to get her a shot with a local pop warner team. Coach Warner (Matt Craven) is, not surprisingly, dubious of the girl's talent but is soon won over. The team stinks anyway, why not a girl quarterback. Jasmine gets a shot and whaddaya know, the team starts winning.
You can plot the rest of the movie in your head. There is a subplot with Jasmine's no good, deadbeat father. That plot, like the main sports story, plays out in just the same by the numbers fashion. Clearly, Fred Durst and writer Nick Santora have read their McKee books. They plot everything on a flow chart and never deviate. Predictability quickly gives way to boredom in The Longshots and boredom is a sin no film can survive.
Keke Palmer is a young actress with a very bright future. She however, needs to choose the right roles. Akeelah and the Bee, definitely the right role. The Longshots? Not so much. It's not that she doesn't perform well. It is rather that she is forgotten amidst the supremely dull presaged plot. No actress, no matter how engaging, can overcome a plot as rote and uneventful as that of The Longshots.
(Yawn) The Longshots is a devastatingly dull sports movie. Despite the very talented Keke Palmer and the likable Ice Cube, this movie was DOA. Director Fred Durst and writer Nick Santora doomed this project when they failed to find something more to do with this plot beyond adhering to every melodramatic, sports movie cliche in the book.
