Piranha 3D (2010)
Directed by Alexandre Aja
Written by Peter Goldfinger, Josh Stolberg
Starring Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Adam Scott, Jessica Szohr, Jerry O'Connell
Release Date August 20th, 2010
Published August 20th, 2010
I don't understand the appeal of a 3D penis destroyed by flesh chomping fish. Call me a buzzkill if you wish but I cannot understand why this is funny. As for it being frightening, it's certainly frighteningly poor taste but not frightening as presented in “Piranha 3D” which is, I'm assuming, supposed to be some kind of comic send up.
I assume this is comedy because the audience I watched it with were laughing far more than they were covering their eyes or ducking their heads to the shoulder of their dates. This audience cackled at the penis eating scene and roared approval during the underwater, nude, lesbian synchronized swimming scene. They roared again during the centerpiece gore-athon in the lake when the Piranha's swarmed the spring breakers leaving behind boney carcasses. I was left perplexed and a little depressed.
A lake that is home to a Sodom and Gomorrah of Spring Break debauchery is hit with a massive earthquake just before the partygoers arrive. The quake opens a crevasse that had been sealed for millions of years. Inside is a fully evolved and deadly species of Piranha seeking to quench a million years worth of bloodlust.
On land Sheriff Julie Forrester (Elisabeth Shue) and her top deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) are readying for the arrival of drunken revelers when they get a call about a missing fisherman (Richard Dreyfuss). As we have seen in the film's opening minutes, the fisherman was the first victim of the piranhas and when the cops find him well, they catch on quicker than your usual movie cops.
Opting to try and close the lake, they also call in a team of scientists lead by Novak (Adam Scott). The scientists are the ones who find the piranhas, but not before two of them are turned into piranha food. The closing of the lake meanwhile isn't happening as the tiny police force are no match for the drunken partiers about to become Piranha meat.
Meanwhile, Sheriff Julie's son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) takes a job as an assistant to Derrick Jones (Jerry O'Connell) the creator of Wild Wild Girls. Derrick plans on filming girls taking their tops off and even tries to recruit Jake's crush Kelly (Jessica Szohr) to star alongside his protégé Danni (Kelly Brook) in his latest video, much to Jake's consternation. Naturally, all will end up face to face with piranhas, who survives and who has their penis torn off I will leave you to discover.
It's supposed to be camp right? Kitschy, over the top, Herschel Gordon Lewis, Roger Corman stuff right? I get that, I do. But, as directed by Alexandre Aja with a surprising amount of skill and directorial touch, I found “Piranha 3D” more in poor taste than campy and fun. I know, it's supposed to be in poor taste and I understand that appeals to some but I have a hard time enjoying this type of bad taste.
There is something nihilistic about the approach to the gore of “Piranha 3D.” Directors like Alexandre Aja and his protégé Eli Roth, who has a cameo in “Piranha 3D” as a wet T-shirt contest host, enjoy their violence and gore so much that the humans lose their value. Aja has the wrong kind of rooting interest at heart in each of his films. Rather than placing a good person in peril and asking the audience to root for their survival, Aja crafts awful human beings for the purpose of watching them be comically destroyed. It's ugly and brutal and I fear for those who find this kind of thing appeal.
This is an ugly, inhuman perspective that I find impossible to get behind. I find the approach depressing and the enjoyment that so many seem to take in the destruction of their fellow man, no matter how fake or outsized it may be, just makes me sad. Say what you will about the quality of movies like “Halloween” or the original “Nightmare on Elm Street,” the characters mattered in each of those films, especially those played by Jamie Lee Curtis and Heather Langenkamp who always had our sympathies and were held above the evil they faced.
When those films became hits and “Friday the 13th” started showing off Jason, things began to turn. When Freddy, Michael Myers and Jason became the stars, horror began to change and the rooting interests turned ugly. That leads us to where we are today with people cheering for human suffering, rooting for the gore and delighting in the degradation.
Yes, it's just an over the top horror film. Yes, it's not at all realistic. If that’s enough excuse for you to delight in watching people shredded limb from limb then enjoy. Just don’t ask me to join you. I’m going to find a movie where characters are held above their use as gory props and sex toys. By the way, if this is your kind of movie, I don’t think you and I should hang out. Just saying.
