Movie Review Saw X

Saw X (2023) 

Directed by Kevin Greutert 

Written by Peter Goldfinger, Josh Stolerg

Starring Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Synnove Macody Lund, Steven Brand

Release Date September 29th, 2023 

Published September 29th, 2023 

I'm a huge fan of the Saw horror franchise. I find the underlying philosophy fascinating and challenging. At once, I don't want to see anyone harmed and I am fascinated by the harm Jigsaw creates for his subjects who must endure ungodly pain in order to survive and find redemption. It's like an extreme form of self flagellation with the intent of seeing what the body and mind can endure to survive. Pushing the limits of the human body to their absolute breaking point is something many people talk about as being the most alive one can feel. Jigsaw makes that happen for people with the difference being that they don't get to choose not to do this. 

That's a big and important difference. Jigsaw's victims aren't choosing to challenge themselves, they are forced into this challenge. Now, they end up being challenged because of their own actions, Jigsaw doesn't harm the innocent, only those who have wronged others or who fail to value their own life. But it's still an important point that he is forcing the issue, these people had no intention of seeing the limits they would go to to save their own life. With that acknowledgment out of the way, let's talk about what Jigsaw does as a form of redemption and self-actualization. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review Kids in America

Kids in America (2005) 

Directed by Josh Stolberg 

Written by Josh Stolberg, Andrew Shaffer 

Starring Gregory Smith, George Wendt, Adam Arkin, Malik Yoba, Julie Bowen

Release Date October 21st, 2005

Published October 26th, 2005 

Teens in movies always fall into particular stereotypes. Nerds, jocks, cheerleaders, slackers and pervs. It is the rare teen movie that breaks these well worn types. Kids In America does not completely break the mold but in its ambitious story and passionate advocacy the film breaks more than a few of the conventions of the teen movie.

Gregory Smith from the television drama "Everwood" stars in Kids In America as Holden, a rebel with a cause. Inspired by his film class teacher Mr. Drucker (Malik Yoba), Holden begins a crusade against the schools officious principle, Mrs. Weller (Julie Bowen) after she suspends a student for wearing condoms on her dress to promote safe sex.

That is just one of many injustices that have piled up at the school. There is also censorship at the school newspaper, where Holden's fellow film class student, Charlotte (Stephanie Sherrin), has been butting heads with the teacher Mr. Mumsford (Alan Arkin). Holden and Charlotte Bond over the mutual cause of censorship and fighting injustice and develop a fun little romance.

Holden and Charlotte are joined by fellow free speech warriors Chuck (Chris Morris), Katie (Caitlin Wachs), Emily (Emy Coligado), Walanda (Crystal Celeste Grant) and Lawrence (Alex Anfanger) in a quest that will fight back against censorship and hopefully prevent the principle from being elected state school superintendent.

Each of these kids does fall into a character type. Lawrence is flamboyantly homosexual, Walanda is a black militant, Katie is a cheerleader. Still the young actors are likable enough to overcome their pigeonholes and the story gives them a mission and uniting purpose that helps them at least rise slightly above the typical natures of their characters.

Directed by first timer Josh Stolberg, Kids In America struggles in its structure and plotting. The film plays a little too loose and could use a steadier hand behind the camera. A director with a strong visual sense and a feel for the flow of a narrative might have corralled the film's many ideas into a slightly more coherent and true film structure.

Case in point in terms of problems with the structure of Kids In America is a very good idea that misses in its execution. In developing the romance between Holden and Charlotte the kids act out their favorite movie kisses. The kisses, including reenactments from Say Anything, Sixteen Candles and Fast Times At Ridgemont High, happen in a quickly executed four minute series of scenes and is then disposed of. A more veteran writer and director likely would have developed this idea better and rather than make it a throwaway gag, return to it a few times in developing the relationship between Holden and Charlotte.

That said, what Stolberg and his co-writer and producer Josh Shaiffer lack in narrative chops they make up for it with a strong dedication to the story they are telling and the ambition to take on a number of hot button issues and still have a good time with it all. The issues in Kids In America --free speech, safe sex, privacy, homosexuality-- are treated seriously but the characters remain fun loving teenagers with raging hormones and energy to burn.

Kids In America is a call to arms to teens who have seemingly grown more apathetic and uninvolved every year. In high school I was suspended for a day for wearing a Beavis and Butthead t-shirt. This did not exactly turn into a major demonstration but a few of us did take over the school radio station in protest and won the sympathy of many students, if not the teachers and administrators who suspended me a second time.

In this day and age, however, with far more serious issues, like the growing number of gay students coming out in high school and the continuing erosions of privacy and freedom that have stemmed from the Columbine high school shootings in 1999, students should have something more on their minds than t-shirts. It seems however that kids today-- oh God I feel old just writing that-- kids today seem less and less involved.

At least that is what I initially thought. After discovering Kids In America is based on a collective of true stories (none of the characters are real but the issues and events are), my opinion of this generation and its leaders has changed somewhat and I see there may be hope yet for a new generation of activists and believers. The film's credits feature testimonials from real kids who are working to change the way things are done in their schools and neighborhoods. The film's website also features links to many teen blog sites where activist teens are telling their stories and meeting other activists that could someday become a powerful network of people of passion.

This tiny movie may not be accomplished enough artistically to deserve the kind of dramatic weight that these real life issues give it, but given the lack of ambition of most Hollywood movies, I can't fault a film that has such passion. In a year dominated by awful mainstream entertainment that is melting the minds of many teens, a movie like Kids In America is a welcome respite from the mindlessness.

Movie Review Sorority Row

Sorority Row (2009) 

Directed by Stewart Hendler 

Written by Josh Stolberg, Pete Goldfinger

Starring Briana Evigan, Leah Pipes, Rumer Willis, Jamie Chung, Audrina Partridge

Release Date September 11th, 2009 

Published September 12th, 2009

If you have seen the 90's horror flick I Know What You Did Last Summer then you have no reason to see Sorority Row. Aside from the more risque R-rating for Sorority Row the plots are basically the same: A group of attractive young people commit an accidental murder and attempt to cover it up and are subsequently stalked and murdered themselves. Choose the prettiest ones to survive and boom, same movie.

The girls of Theta Pi are the meanest mean girls on campus. Their parties are as legendary as their bitchiness and it is during a party that the bitchfest goes haywire. The boyfriend of one Theta gal has cheated. His punishment? His girlfriend and her sisters plan to fake her death right down to dumping her body down a mine shaft to cover it up. The joke goes too far when at the mine they talk of cutting up the body and the boyfriend goes first.

He stabs her in the chest with a tie iron and this time she's really dead. Rather than risk their futures as trophy brides and the best friend's of trophy brides; they decide to go ahead with the fake plan from before, the old' mine shaft drop. One sister is against it but when the remaining sisters frame her for the murder, she has no choice but to go along.

Cut to 8 months later, graduation night. The sister blamed has left the house but returns for the final night. As soon as she is reunited with her former friends bad things begin to happen. A texted photo of the tossed away tire iron, the appearance of the dead girl's jacket, oh and a series of murders in the sorority house, lead to the conclusion that either their late friend has risen from the grave (or shaft if you prefer) or somebody knows what they did last sorority mixer.

Not one surprise or twist lands in Sorority Row. If you can't see every telegraphed scare coming, you just aren't trying. Reading ahead in an actual copy of the script would be less obvious than the lame set ups of Sorority Row. Each character is dispatched in less and less interesting ways until we accrue just the right number of survivors appropriate for a sequel.

The is a less than stellar assemblage of beauties. Yes, all are attractive and in various states of undress from beginning to end but you can get that on any late night cable movie. The only thing notable about the cast is that Rumer Willis is the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, Ashton's step-daughter. And, Audrina Partridge of the MTV un-reality series is the gal on the wrong end of the tire iron prank.

Otherwise, there isn't much to remember or give a damn about in Sorority Row. If you are in the mood for lame horror, rent I Know What You Did Last Summer. It's basically the same plot and that one, at the very least, is lifted by the talents of Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ryan Phillippe and Sarah Michele Gellar.

You can always catch Sorority Row at 3 Am on late night cable in a few months, a milieu appropriate for the film's tired attempts at sleaze horror. 

Movie Review Piranha 3D

Piranha 3D (2010) 

Directed by Alexandre Aja 

Written by Peter Goldfinger, Josh Stolberg 

Starring Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Adam Scott, Jessica Szohr, Jerry O'Connell 

Release Date August 20th, 2010 

Published August 20th, 2010 

I don't understand the appeal of a 3D penis destroyed by flesh chomping fish. Call me a buzzkill if you wish but I cannot understand why this is funny. As for it being frightening, it's certainly frighteningly poor taste but not frightening as presented in “Piranha 3D” which is, I'm assuming, supposed to be some kind of comic send up.

I assume this is comedy because the audience I watched it with were laughing far more than they were covering their eyes or ducking their heads to the shoulder of their dates. This audience cackled at the penis eating scene and roared approval during the underwater, nude, lesbian synchronized swimming scene. They roared again during the centerpiece gore-athon in the lake when the Piranha's swarmed the spring breakers leaving behind boney carcasses. I was left perplexed and a little depressed.

A lake that is home to a Sodom and Gomorrah of Spring Break debauchery is hit with a massive earthquake just before the partygoers arrive. The quake opens a crevasse that had been sealed for millions of years. Inside is a fully evolved and deadly species of Piranha seeking to quench a million years worth of bloodlust.

On land Sheriff Julie Forrester (Elisabeth Shue) and her top deputy Fallon (Ving Rhames) are readying for the arrival of drunken revelers when they get a call about a missing fisherman (Richard Dreyfuss). As we have seen in the film's opening minutes, the fisherman was the first victim of the piranhas and when the cops find him well, they catch on quicker than your usual movie cops.

Opting to try and close the lake, they also call in a team of scientists lead by Novak (Adam Scott). The scientists are the ones who find the piranhas, but not before two of them are turned into piranha food. The closing of the lake meanwhile isn't happening as the tiny police force are no match for the drunken partiers about to become Piranha meat.

Meanwhile, Sheriff Julie's son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) takes a job as an assistant to Derrick Jones (Jerry O'Connell) the creator of Wild Wild Girls. Derrick plans on filming girls taking their tops off and even tries to recruit Jake's crush Kelly (Jessica Szohr) to star alongside his protégé Danni (Kelly Brook) in his latest video, much to Jake's consternation. Naturally, all will end up face to face with piranhas, who survives and who has their penis torn off I will leave you to discover.

It's supposed to be camp right? Kitschy, over the top, Herschel Gordon Lewis, Roger Corman stuff right? I get that, I do. But, as directed by Alexandre Aja with a surprising amount of skill and directorial touch, I found “Piranha 3D” more in poor taste than campy and fun. I know, it's supposed to be in poor taste and I understand that appeals to some but I have a hard time enjoying this type of bad taste.

There is something nihilistic about the approach to the gore of “Piranha 3D.” Directors like Alexandre Aja and his protégé Eli Roth, who has a cameo in “Piranha 3D” as a wet T-shirt contest host, enjoy their violence and gore so much that the humans lose their value. Aja has the wrong kind of rooting interest at heart in each of his films. Rather than placing a good person in peril and asking the audience to root for their survival, Aja crafts awful human beings for the purpose of watching them be comically destroyed. It's ugly and brutal and I fear for those who find this kind of thing appeal. 

This is an ugly, inhuman perspective that I find impossible to get behind. I find the approach depressing and the enjoyment that so many seem to take in the destruction of their fellow man, no matter how fake or outsized it may be, just makes me sad. Say what you will about the quality of movies like “Halloween” or the original “Nightmare on Elm Street,” the characters mattered in each of those films, especially those played by Jamie Lee Curtis and Heather Langenkamp who always had our sympathies and were held above the evil they faced. 

When those films became hits and “Friday the 13th” started showing off Jason, things began to turn. When Freddy, Michael Myers and Jason became the stars, horror began to change and the rooting interests turned ugly. That leads us to where we are today with people cheering for human suffering, rooting for the gore and delighting in the degradation.

Yes, it's just an over the top horror film. Yes, it's not at all realistic. If that’s enough excuse for you to delight in watching people shredded limb from limb then enjoy. Just don’t ask me to join you. I’m going to find a movie where characters are held above their use as gory props and sex toys. By the way, if this is your kind of movie, I don’t think you and I should hang out. Just saying.

Movie Review Good Luck Chuck

Good Luck Chuck (2007) 

Directed by Mark Helfrich 

Written by Josh Stolberg 

Starring Dane Cook, Jessica Alba, Dan Fogler 

Release Date September 21st, 2007 

Published September 20th, 2007 

The appeal of comedian Dane Cook has eluded me. I have nothing against the wildly popular comic, I just don't see what's so funny. His stand up repertoire seems to consist of wild, Jim Carrey like gesticulations used to sell underwhelming, punchless punchlines. His physicality is entertaining insofar as mimes trapped in that glass box are entertaining; but for my money, his act isn't all that funny. That's not even considering accusations that the unfunny jokes he tells are stolen from other comics. 

As for Cook's movie career, thus far, it's not quite as funny as his stand up career. His debut, in a starring role, in last fall's Employee Of The Month, was a bland, forgettable romantic comedy with the acting challenged Cook playing off the even more challenged Jessica Simpson. Now, for Cook's latest starring effort, after he tanked in a dramatic role opposite Kevin Costner in Mr. Brooks this past summer, Cook upgrades his romantic partner and still delivers a bland and forgettable effort. Starring opposite the endlessly appealing Jessica Alba, the appeal of Dane Cook continues to baffle the mind in Good Luck Chuck.

Charlie (Dane Cook) has never had trouble meeting women. Staying in a relationship however, has been mission impossible. The odd thing about the end of Charlie's relationships? His ex's always seem to marry the next guy they meet. It happens every time and women are beginning to take notice. A posting on the internet about Charlie the good luck charm turns the serially single Charlie into the most sought after stud in his area code.

Is this newfound appeal a blessing or a curse? Charlie's lecherous pal Stu (Dan Fogler) thinks it's the greatest thing ever. Charlie however, finds it to be a burden, especially when he meets Cam (Jessica Alba) who proves to be the girl of his dreams. Unfortunately, if the curse is real and he sleeps with her he could lose her forever; should she meet someone else.

That is a clean description of a plot that is in reality quite ugly and at times even mean spirited. Mark Helfrich, in his directorial debut, attempts to pull off what Judd Apatow and his creative team did with The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up. What is lacking is just about everything that made those two films so ingenious, daring and lovable.

Both Virgin and Knocked Up featured outlandish low humor that some might find off putting. Each film overcame that obstacle by giving the characters equal amounts of heart and humor to offset the raunch. Good Luck Chuck is mostly heartless with only one character we really give a damn about, Alba's Cam is an oasis in a desert of bad. Charlie, or Chuck from the title, isn't exactly detestable but there is very little appealing about him as he launches into a series of heartless sexual escapades to prove or disprove his curse.

The attempt to justify Chuck/Charlie's behavior by giving it the noble purpose of helping lonely girls take advantage of the curse to then meet their true love fails due to the film's vanity. All but two of Charlie's partners are models whose appearance in the film are not meant to propel this plot. Rather, they are used for the prurient purpose of having them get naked and keep the guys in the audience from nodding off.

The two other women, the ones who don't generally meet societal standards of beauty, are used as comic fodder in mean-spirited jokes at their expense. Only a movie as heartless as Good Luck Chuck could think that mocking these poor desperate characters could be a source of humor. An attempt to keep one of the encounters from being completely heartless and mean fails miserably and comes off not only mean but fake and insulting of both the character in question and those of us in the audience.

Dan Fogler is a Tony Award winning actor. I mention this because it kind of blows my mind. How can an actor be so successful in one medium and so remarkably unappealing and unfunny in a different medium. On stage, Fogler is a comic dynamo beloved by audiences. In movies, Fogler is an embarrassment, a remarkably unfunny presence. In his first starring role, the ping pong comedy, Balls of Fury, Fogler was utterly repellent. In good Luck Chuck, in a smaller, supporting role, he manages to somehow be even less appealing. 

As Stu, Charlie's misogynist best friend, Fogler is a breast obsessed plastic surgeon whose hobbies include masturbating into a grapefruit and worshiping the breast implants of Pamela Anderson which he purchased on Ebay. Why anyone thought this character was funny is beyond me. Jonah Hill portrayed a raunchy over the top character in Knocked Up but Hill did it with a charming and vulnerable quality that revealed how that character used vulgarity as a cover for insecurity. There is zero nuance in Fogler's performance in Good Luck Chuck, he's just a creep. 

Even as I was drifting out of Good Luck Chuck, when I wasn't actively being repulsed by it, I did see some moments where this story or this plot might have worked. Cut back on the prurience, strengthen the characters, and give more time to Jessica Alba's Cam, the only truly likable character in the film, and maybe you could rescue this movie from the garbage. That ship has sailed however and what we are left with is a mess of ugly misogyny, disturbing fetishes, and a lame and completely unbelievable  romance. 

Good Luck Chuck makes Adam Sandler's style of humor look good by comparison.