Movie Review Narc

Narc (2002) 

Directed by Joe Carnahan 

Written by Joe Carnahan 

Starring Ray Liotta, Jason Patric, Busta Rhymes, Chi McBride

Release Date January 10th, 2002

Published January 12th, 2002 

We have seen it dozens of times, movies about rogue cops who break all the rules to get the job done. Every actor in the world has played this role from Pacino and DeNiro to Scwarzenegger and Stallone. So what is it about Ray Liotta and Jason Patric in Narc that takes this overused concept and makes it fresh and intense? I'm not exactly sure, but Director Joe Carnahan taps into something that makes Narc a kinetic, high energy drama.

Jason Patric stars as Nick Tellis, an undercover narcotics officer. When we meet Nick for the first time he is chasing a drug dealer through the streets, frantically firing his weapon as the druggy uses a pair of drug needles as weapons on unsuspecting passers by. The confrontation comes to a head in a park where the junkie takes a small boy hostage holding a drug needle to the boy's throat. With little forethought Nick fires three shots, shooting the junkie in the head and saving the little boy. Unfortunately one of the other two bullets Nick fired hit a pregnant woman and killed her unborn child.

Cut to 15 months later, Nick sits in front of a review board rehashing the incident. Nick is under the impression that the meeting is simply to determine whether he gets his job back or not. In reality the meeting is to determine whether or not he will accept an assignment to a particular case, the murder of an undercover police officer. The outcome of this investigation will determine whether or not he gets his job back or not.

Reluctantly, Nick agrees to the assignment and is partnered with the dead cop's partner, Henry Oak (Ray Liotta). Oak is the typical movie cop, a hothead who breaks all the rules and always gets his man. The two men don't get along well, but share a mutual respect that allows them to work together. They also share a willingness to bend the rules, which they do frequently as their investigation progresses.

The film's conclusion is somewhat predictable but somehow writer-director Joe Carnahan rises above the clichés and predictability to make a pretty good cop movie. It all hinges on the performances of Patric and Liotta. The believability of these two great actors combined with Carnahan's awesome handheld camerawork gives Narc an immediacy and purpose that lends suspense to the predictable.


The film isn't a mystery, any intelligent moviegoer knows where this story is going but we accept that because both Patric and Liotta are so endlessly watchable. As Liotta's brutal cop allows his motives to become clear you see the disillusionment that most cops must feel when they get into this violent and harrowing profession. Combine the rigors of the job and a deep personal loss and you begin to understand if not sympathize with his violent rule breaking approach. As for Patric, few actors have played cops so well fleshed out. Nick Tellis shares the same disillusionment as Liotta's Oak, he shares the same penchant for crossing the line between cop and criminal. They are separated only by moments in time.

The film's ending is a kick in the gut finisher that leaves the audience in a daze and makes you rethink everything you had seen before it. Everything leading up to the end is typical, cop movie suspense stuff, made watchable by great acting and unique camerawork. But the ending belongs to Carnahan who also penned the script. Forget what you hate about cop movies and forget what you think you know about Narc. This is a shocking brutal crime movie with a serious kick.

Movie Review: Tropic Thunder

Tropic Thunder (2008) 

Directed by Ben Stiller 

Written by Ben Stiller Justin Theroux, Etan Cohen 

Starring Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr, Steve Coogan, Jack Black, Nick Nolte, Danny McBride

Release Date August 13th, 2008 

Published August 12th, 2008

Ben Stiller may seem all mild mannered and inoffensive but he has a rather pronounced dark side when he wants to. It came out when he played Jerry Stahl in Permanent Midnight. And that dark side was unfortunately on display in his ugly direction of The Cable Guy. But it is not until now, with the release of the savage Hollywood parody Tropic Thunder that we finally see Stiller at his darkest. Sending up full of themselves actors, greedy agents, and maniacal studio heads, Stiller pulls no punches and lands frequent, hilarious, body blows.

In Tropic Thunder Ben Stiller writes, directs and even stars as action movie legend Tugg Speedman. The star of the over-ripe action series Scorcher, Tugg's star is fading and he is craving the respect that only Oscar can bring. That is why he chose to star in Simple Jack, the story of a severely mentally challenged farm worker. The role was universally derided.

Speedman was lucky to land a role in Tropic Thunder a Vietnam book adaptation with an all star cast and Oscar written all over it. Sort of. The film has the gravitas of a Vietnam story but it also has a first time director (Steve Coogan), an inexperienced crew, and an out of control budget. And then there are his co-stars.

Jeff Portnoy is the star of the comedy franchise The Fatties in which he plays every character and every joke is a fart joke. Portnoy also happens to have a wicked heroin addiction to complete the package. Kirk Lazarus is a completely different kind of problem child. A multiple Oscar-Emmy-Golden Globe award winner, Lazarus is legendary for immersing himself so deeply in a role that he loses himself.

Once, after portraying astronaut Neil Armstrong, he was found in dumpster attempting to fly it to the moon. For Tropic Thunder Lazarus has undergone a medical procedure to dye his skin so he can play an African American Sgt. The cast is rounded out by a rapper named Alpa Chino (Brandon Jackson, read the name again if you didn't get it the first time), and a first time actor named Kevin (JayBaruchel).

Together the cast is such a pain in the ass that the director finally decides he has to change the whole production. At the urging of the writer of the book, a nutball vet nicknamed Four Leaf (Nick Nolte, in full Nick Nolte mode), the director is taking the cast into the real jungles of Vietnam where they will shoot the movie guerilla style with handheld and hidden cameras with real explosions, provided by an inexperienced tech guy (Danny  McBride) with an itchy trigger finger.

Unfortunately, not long after arriving in the jungle, the director goes missing and the cast is engaged by real life inhabitants of this jungle setting, drug smugglers who mistake them for DEA agents. Now the cast is involved in a real war only they don't know it.

Ben Stiller tapped out the script for Tropic Thunder with his pal Justin Theroux and they hold back nothing in demonstrating the self involved nature of most actors, directors and studio people. The studio head in Tropic Thunder is an especially delicious parody, of whom only Stiller and Theroux know for sure. Played by an unrecognizable Tom Cruise, the studio head is a maniac with a penchant for Diet Coke and hip hop dancing.

Cruise has never been this unrestrained and balls out hilarious. He bites into this role with the same verve and vitriol that he brought to his misogynists' guru in 1999's Magnolia and it's a contest to tell which character required more swearing.

Tropic Thunder is loud, violent, stupid and offensive. It's also, arguably, the funniest movie of 2008. If you can put aside the controversies, you are going to laugh a lot at this most deserving beatdown of Hollywood imagemakers. There are jokes in Tropic Thunder that are intended to make you uncomfortable or even angry and yet, you often can't help but laugh at just how outland and bold these jokes are. I don't want to here the R-word slur toward the mentally handicapped but it is hard to deny, in the context of Tropic Thunder, it's use apt and very, very funny. I'm deeply ashamed at laughing as hard as I did, but I did laugh. 

As for Robert Downey in blackface... well..... I was sure this would be the most controversial element of Tropic Thunder. Fortunately, Stiller and Theroux do try to defuse the situation with Brandon Jackson's Alpa Chino character calling out the blatant and disgusting racism at play. Meanwhile, Downey Jr himself does well to make sure Kurt Lazarus has few redeeming qualities, he's clearly a terrible person. The movie is hard on Hollywood by being hard on these characters who represent elements of the Hollywood in need of a serious punch in the gut. Downey's shots at the pretentious Method Actor, are terrifically, savagely funny.

Delivering unto the Hollywood elite the smackdown they so desperately deserve, Tropic Thunder is the rare Hollywood satire to throw punches and actually land a few. The public generally isn't interested in Hollywood talking about itself, even when it is being self critical, but with Tropic Thunder comes a Hollywood self examination that comes with big laughs that don't require you to have read obscure tomes about Hollywood legends and bastards.

Movie Review Why Him?

Why Him? (2016) 

Directed by John Hamburg 

Written by John Hamburg, Ian Helfer 

Starring James Franco, Bryan Cranston, Megan Mullally, Zoey Deutsch, Griffin Gluck 

Release Date December 23rd, 2016 

Published December 22nd, 2016

Why Him(?) is an ungainly, awkward, mess of a movie. The film stars James Franco as one of the most off-putting characters ever brought to the screen, a tech billionaire named Laird who has no concept of how normal people interact. This could be a funny idea, the super-rich can tend to lose connection to the concerns and proprieties of the common man, but, Franco's performance isn’t merely that of a charmingly out of touch kook, but rather a genuinely out of sorts sociopath played as a comic creation.

Bryan Cranston co-stars with Franco in Why Him(?) and is apparently trying to create a character just as annoying as his co-star. Cranston is Ned Fleming, the father of Stephanie (Zoey Deutsch) who has gone off to college in Silicon Valley and fallen madly in love with Laird. Stephanie has invited the whole family, including her mother, Barb (Megan Mullally), and brother Scottie (Griffin Gluck), to fly to California from their home in Michigan to spend the holidays with her and Laird who they will meet for the very first time.

Laird's shtick is that he says everything that comes into his head with no filter. He curses to a degree that would shame Melissa McCarthy and is so incredibly disconnected from everyday small talk that he has no problem discussing sex with his clearly offended future in-laws. Even as everyone around him is clearly offended and uncomfortable with Laird's behavior he is completely oblivious and somehow this is supposed to be funny. It's not, it's just hard to watch.

For his part, Cranston plays Ned as a joyless crank. He’s miserable from the moment he arrives in California from Michigan and remains miserable through the films forced and predictable finale. So, Ned is a miserable character with no sense of humor, no jokes to leaven his miserable premise and the most that Cranston can seem to do with the character is physical shtick that is more like watching someone amid a mental breakdown than someone attempting physical humor. Cranston gesticulates and tenses every muscle and spits every line of dialogue and never once does something funny.

The supporting players in Why Him(?) come away far better off than the leads. Megan Mullally, a veteran of TV sitcoms, seems to know just where to pick her spots for her few jokes, while poor Zoey Deutsch spends most of her time trying to dodge the two leads whose gesticulations as they strain for every joke had to be rather dangerous for any co-star who wandered too closely. Keegan Michael Key, playing Franco's oddball, German accented, assistant Gustav, at the very least could fight back. His running gag is randomly attacking Laird as a way of developing his self-defense, a joke that falls flat, especially once Cranston begins trying to explain it.

Why Him(?) is completely derailed by a pair of lead performances that could not possibly be less appealing. The fact that both Cranston and Franco are former Academy Award nominees only compounds the problem. We know these two actors are better than this awful material and watching them act down to this garbage idea is just depressing.

I blame Director John Hamburg for most of the problems with Why Him(?). Having allowed his actors to do a great deal of improvisation, at least I assume that was improv, otherwise there is an editor who needs to find a new profession, Hamburg created the sloppy, slapdash environment that lead to this mess. Even worse, Hamburg fills out the awfulness by relying on bathroom humor with toilets and urine playing significant roles in the film.

What is it with John Hamburg and bathrooms? Bathroom issues have figured prominently in his humor in most of his movies from the cat that could flush a toilet in Meet the Parents to Ben Stiller's irritable bowels in Along Comes Polly to the fart jokes of Hamburg's one good movie, I Love You Man, Hamburg seems either obsessed with bathrooms or he's merely childish and lazy. Toilets figure prominently throughout Why Him(?) which ends with a post-credits scene all about toilets with pictures of people using the toilet. Ewww. 

At the very least toilets are an apt metaphor for Why Him(?). This movie needs to be flushed.

Movie Review Assassin's Creed

Assassin's Creed (2016) 

Directed by Justin Kurzel 

Written by Michael Lesslie, Adam Cooper, Bill Collage

Starring Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, Brendan Gleeson, Charlotte Rampling

Release Date December 21st, 2016 

Published December 20th, 2016

I cannot win with this review. I can, in my mind, already hear the voices of those who say that because I don’t like videogames I cannot appreciate a videogame movie. Then there are those who will recall the number of times I have decried the videogame movie subgenre and will also claim I went into “Assassin’s Creed” with bias. My only response to these spectral voices is believe whatever you want, Assassin’s Creed is simply not a very good movie, videogame adaptation or otherwise.

Michael Fassbender stars in “Assassin’s Creed” as Callum Lynch, the son of a murdered mother and a murderer father who grows up to be a killer himself. We meet the adult Callum on the day he is to be executed for what we can only assume was some sort of murder spree. The execution however, does not take and Callum wakes up in Spain where he’s been kidnapped by the Knights Templar who plan to hook Callum to a machine that can access the memories of his ancestors (just go with it).

Callum’s ancestors were members of an ancient order of Assassins known as the Creed. The Creed were created to battle the Knights Templar and specifically keep the Knights from getting their hands on The Apple, literally the apple taken from the tree knowledge in the Garden of Eden. For the reasons of the plot the Apple has the power to remove free will from the world and grant the Knights Templar the power to enslave humanity.

Through his time in the machine, called the Animus, Callum will learn the story of the Creed and will polish his assassin skills. Will he use those skills to continue his family legacy? Yeah, probably, the Knights Templar are obviously the bad guys here. Nevertheless, I will leave some mystery for you to discover if you choose to subject yourself to “Assassin’s Creed,” though I do not recommend that you do that.

“Assassin’s Creed” is a forgettable bad movie, not one that will leave much of any lasting impression. Michael Fassbender and co-stars Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons and Michael K. Williams are all professionals who give life to the material even if it proves unworthy of the effort. Fassbender is a physical specimen whose glower certainly can petrify an enemy but he’s at a loss to overcome the CGI splattered all around him in messy edits that render every frame of “Assassin’s Creed” a minor eyesore.

“Assassin’s Creed” comes from Director Justin Kurzel whose adaptation of “MacBeth,” yes that “Macbeth,” also starred Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard and was similarly an eyesore. At least his “MacBeth” has ambition, Kurzel’s “Assassin’s Creed,” on the other hand, feels like an attempt to appease a studio eager for a well-known product to churn into a formula franchise that creates new revenue streams and elevates stock prices.

Poor Michael Fassbender; he seems lost in a Hollywood that doesn’t understand his gifts. Despite that chin that could cut glass and eyes that could pierce steel, Fassbender isn’t a classic “movie star.” We, the popcorn chomping blockbuster masses, simply respect him as an actor too much to watch him act below his skill level. Sure, his version of the “X-Men” villain Magneto is well liked but we’d all hoped that was his “one for them” studio picture that would let him get back to being a real actor.

Instead he has stranded himself in “Assassin’s Creed” as another “one for them” movie and we are left to lament the kinds of performances he could be dedicating his time too. Quirky, wonderful indie flicks like “Frank” and “Fish Tank” gave us the Michael Fassbender we truly want while “X-Men” was supposed to be the insurance for the next “Frank” or “Fish Tank.” Now, with “Assassin’s Creed,” who knows where Fassbender may be headed, probably cruddier looking CGI claptrap. What a shame. 

Movie Review The Holiday

The Holiday (2006) 

Directed by Nancy Meyers 

Written by Nancy Meyers 

Starring Jack Black, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Kate Winslet

Release Date December 8th, 2006 

Published December 7th, 2006 

Director Nancy Meyers is the master of fluffy, Hollywood love stories. Her Something's Gotta Give and What Women Want are big star vehicles that indulge heavily in Hollywood glamor and fantasy romance. Her latest film, The Holiday, is her best effort yet at bringing romantic fantasy to the screen. Teaming Cameron Diaz and Jude Law, Meyers crafts a couple more photogenic than an entire J.C Penney catalog and a dream romance that audiences cannot help but eat up like movie popcorn.

Warm, buttery and oh so simple, The Holiday is the kind of light hearted and light headed fluff that is the perfect holiday escape.

In a small town just outside of London, Iris (Kate Winslet) is working through her company Christmas party when her boss makes a big announcement. The man that Iris has been seeing for nearly three years is getting engaged, but not to her. Devastated, Iris needs to get out of town before she does something awful.

Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, Amanda (Diaz) is at the end of her relationship with Ethan (Ed Burns). In the most clichéd fashion, Ethan has been sleeping with his much younger secretary. After throwing him out, and leveling him with an impressive right cross, Amanda wants out of L.A for the holidays. Luck and chance leads Amanda to a website advertising home exchange. This is where Amanda meets Iris and the two offer each other the chance to escape their sad states by switching homes.

In London, Amanda moves into Iris's cozy rural cabin and finds herself visited in the middle of the night by Graham (Jude Law), Iris' brother. Slightly drunk, Graham charms his way right into Amanda's bed as she takes a chance on some guilt free vacation sex with a good looking guy she is unlikely to ever see again. Of course, we already know that nothing could be that simple and the two are soon romancing.

Back in L.A Iris makes a match of her own but not the one you might expect. Iris's new neighbor is Arthur (Eli Wallach) an old Hollywood screenwriter who Iris befriends when he gets lost trying to find his house. Iris helps him home and is invited for dinner and an education in film classics. Jack Black does eventually show up as Miles; a more age-appropriate love interest for Iris but it is Wallach's Arthur who steals the show.

The fun of The Holiday is watching great looking actors indulge lives of frivolous excess for our amusement. Escaping into their perfect pretty lives is a fun little distraction like a cookie or a chocolate bar. Too many film critics get uptight about movies like The Holiday, or really anything directed by Nancy Meyers. For my money, movies like The Holiday are just a treat. Beautiful to look at, easy to forget and fun to catch in late night reruns when nothing else is on.

Movies don't always have to reflect reality or present some grand metaphor. Sometimes movies just have to entertain and that is what The Holiday is all about. Pure entertainment.

Glamor is an oddity in this day and age. There is an overabundance of glamor off the screen. Flashbulbs pop at movie premieres, outside nightclubs and even grocery stores in Hollywood. On the other hand, glamor on the screen is not merely absent, it's often frowned upon, especially by 'serious artists'. That is why, for my money, a movie like The Holiday is such a welcome sight. The Holiday transports audiences back to a time when glamorous stars were allowed to be glamorous stars.

Is it frivolous? Absolutely. That's part of the fun. The Holiday is a candy coated, glamor production in which the people are all unbelievably good looking, locations are lifted from picture postcards, and situations are resolved in 90 minutes with laughing, dancing and hugs. Some people find their escapist fun in hobbits or the force, others in watching Jude Law romance Cameron Diaz. Why is one more worthy than the other?

There are many movies like The Holiday and I have been quite hard on many of them. What separates The Holiday is the combination of chemistry and familiarity that Nancy Meyers specializes in. Assembling an all star cast of Hollywood luminaries, Meyers indulges in romantic fantasies that, while they aren't original by any stretch, are more appealing and better looking than most similar fantasies.

Nancy Meyers skill is in, essentially, re-gifting romantic clichés. Meyers wraps a beautiful new bow on familiar romantic stories. The key is that she does it better than other directors and with better actors. This was a skill that was highly valued back in the movie factory days of the studio system and is now frowned upon in the post-auteur era.

There is nothing remotely important about The Holiday and that is part of its charm. This is pure glamorous escapism that basks in the glow of star power and fantasy romance. I don't want every movie to be as unimportant as The Holiday. However, from time to time the kind of movie that Nancy Meyers makes is a welcome respite from gritty action, bloody horror, and even from the importance of a great drama.

Movie Review: The Sitter

The Sitter (2011) 

Directed by David Gordon Green 

Written by Brian Gatewood, Alessandro Tanaka 

Starring Jonah Hill, Sam Rockwell, Max Records, A.J Graynor, J.B Smoove 

Release Date December 9th, 2011 

Published December 10th, 2011 

Jonah Hill's comic appeal isn't much different from that of Will Ferrell; both are an acquired taste. Just as not everyone enjoys Ferrell's outlandish schtick not everyone enjoys Jonah Hill's foul-mouthed, raging-Id routine. For those who do enjoy them however, their films are a treat. Count me in as a fan of Jonah Hill and thusly someone who really loved "The Sitter."

Meet the Sitter

Noah (Hill) is a shiftless layabout with both daddy and mommy issues. That said he's not an altogether bad guy. When his put upon, far too indulgent mother (Julie Hecht) is about to lose out on chance at a night on the town Noah begrudgingly agrees to babysit for the family friends who are setting his mom up on a date.

Meet the Kids

This is, of course, a fateful choice; Noah is in for the night of all nights. First, we meet the kids. The oldest is Slater (Max Records) who's obsessed with his anxiety medication. Slater's little sister Blithe (Landry Bender) is quite a handful; she wants to be a celebrity and acts as if she may be a lost Kardashian child. And then there is Slater and Blithe's adopted brother Rodrigo (Kevin Hernandez) who's talent for destruction is a catalyst for much unexpected action in "The Sitter."

But first, it's Noah who gets the ball of bad choices rolling. Noah has been spending time with Marisa (Ari Graynor) a horrible girl who uses Noah for, shall we say, sexual favors. And tends not to return the love. When she calls Noah and promises sex in exchange for cocaine, Noah's libido overrides his good judgment and the story of "The Sitter" kicks in.

'Adventures in Babysitting'

There are a number of parallels between "The Sitter" and the 80's teen classic "Adventures in Babysitting" including a lost and damaged minivan and an escape from a black nightclub that culminates with our hero winning respect and a helpful group of new friends.

The similarities end there however as "The Sitter," directed by "Pineapple Express" auteur David Gordon Green, is a gloriously filthy movie that well earns its R-Rating. The opening moments of "The Sitter" feature oral sex and things only get better from there in terms of the exceptional lowbrow humor that is Jonah Hill's forte from "Superbad" to "Knocked Up" through "Funny People" and elsewhere.

For Fans Only

You have to be a big fan of Jonah Hill to get past the many plot contrivances and conveniences but if are a fan, there is a lot to enjoy here. Hill is a funny, sympathetic and charismatic comic whose comic sensibilities really connect with those of us who enjoy him. For those that don't enjoy Jonah Hill; there is any number of other movies out there for you; "The Sitter" is for fans only.

Movie Review: The Warrior's Way

The Warrior's Way (2010) 

Directed by Sngmoo Lee 

Written by Sngmoo Lee 

Starring Jang Dong Gun, Kate Bosworth, Geoffrey Rush, Danny Huston 

Release Date December 3rd, 2010 

Published December December 2nd, 2010 

The ‘mash-up’ is a relatively recent invention. It’s a musical invention that came to prominence on the internet in the late 90’s and early oughts and then took off with the release of DJ Danger Mouse’s crashing together of Jay Z’s Black Album with the Beatles’ White album and created a minor sensation. Since then mash ups have moved into every aspect of pop culture from music to TV to books and of course at the movies where the latest mash up involves a slamming together of slice and dice Asian cinema with the tropes of the old school American/Italian Western.

The Warrior’s Way stars Korean leading man Jang Dong Gun in his American film debut. In The Warrior’s Way, Gun plays Yang who, in prologue, is shown becoming ‘The Greatest Swordsman in the World.’ Part of this designation involves the near complete destruction of his rival clan. Only one member of his long time rivals remains, a baby. It is Yang’s task to kill this child but something stops him and instead of carrying out this final assassination; Yang goes on the lamb with the child. Taking off for America, Yang soon finds himself in a rundown western town where the gold rush boom clearly went bust.

Of the 60 or so residents of this town most are circus performers whose production crashed here and never moved on. The circus troupe is lead by Eight Ball (Tony Cox) who happens to have been a friend of a man that Yang was hoping would take him in. Sadly, Yang’s friend is long dead when he arrives leaving behind a rundown laundry business that Yang is expected to take up.

Indeed, with a push from Lynne (Kate Bosworth), Yang does take to the laundry business and soon the business of killing is replaced by the comfort of cleansing and the peace of a desert garden that Yang somehow brings to life. For a time things look ideal as Yang and the newly dubbed baby April look like they could settle in with Lynne and become a family.

Of course, we know this cannot last and things come to a deadly end with the arrival of a former Civil War soldier, The Colonel (Danny Huston). With his deadly band of former soldiers The Colonel arrives in town with revenge in mind. The last time he was here he was disfigured by a teenager whose name escaped him. That teen was Lynne.

As the conflict with The Colonel develops Yang’s former master Saddest Flute (Ti Lung) is patiently waiting for Yang to pick up his sword again and reveal his location. The sword you see cries, carrying the deathly screams of the souls it has taken. When it is unsheathed it reveals where Yang is and allows Saddest Flute and his clan to find him.

Director Sngmoo Lee sets this Asian/Western mash up in a CG universe that exists in eternal twilight. The sun seems to constantly be rising or falling, never fully up or down. The constantly purpling landscapes are dreamy and unique even as they are more noticeable than they should be.

The CGI bloodbath that ensues from frame one until the third act denouement is less impressive than the landscapes. Though Jang Dong-Gun has a strong presence he seems light on the actual physicality and is restricted to sliding and gliding while super quick edits and CGI blood spatter do the actual fighting for him.

Even less impressive is the work of Ms. Boswoth and Mr. Huston who go to extremes of their character in order to find a beat to play against this atonal computer landscape. For Ms. Bosworth it means adopting a ludicrous Western accent and tomboy clothes and for Mr. Huston it means a variation on his tired bad guy growl and a higher than usual creep factor expressed in his sexual fetish for teeth and scars. Eeewww.

I have not even mentioned Oscar winner Geofffrey Rush who plays a Western sharpshooter turned rummy. Billed as Ron though rarely referred to by name, Rush stumbles into scenes, takes over because he is clearly the most interesting actor in the scene and stumbles out to wait for the plot to make use of him again. Rush is among the elements wasted in this 40 million dollar epic of computer generated boredom. The Warrior’s Way wants to be cool; it is Cowboys vs. Ninjas, but it simply doesn’t have the goods.

A stone faced lead, bizarre supporting performances and a mindlessly pretty CGI background add up to just about nothing in The Warrior’s Way. Those who love CGI blood splatter and the implied cool of Jang Dong-Gun you may find something to like about The Warrior’s Way. Me, I’ve already forgotten The Warrior’s Way and begun pining for the next odd genre mash up: Cowboys vs. Aliens.

Movie Review The Hangover Part 2

The Hangover Part 2 (2011) 

Directed by Todd Phillips 

Written by Craig Mazan, Scot Armstrong, Todd Phillips 

Starring Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, Ken Jeong, Justin Bartha, 

Release Date May 26th, 2011 

Published May 25th, 2011 

The working theory for "The Hangover Part 2" is '˜if it ain't broke, don't fix it.' The '˜it' in this case is the basic premise from the first film which is tweaked only with a location change. The characters, the jokes and even a few of the scenarios are almost exactly the same as they were in the original "The Hangover." And yet, "The Hangover Part 2" is truly as funny as or funnier than the original.

Stu's Getting Married

Stu (Ed Helms) is getting married and because his bride's (Jamie Chung) parents are from Thailand the wedding will be taking place there. Phil (Bradley Cooper) and Doug (Justin Bartha) are both coming to the wedding but Stu is not surprisingly reticent about inviting Allen (Zach Galifianakis). After all, Stu still puts napkins over his drinks since the first film, out of fear of being rufied again.

After a little pleading from Doug, Allen is invited and, no surprise, at all it happens again. The how and the why are part of the fun so I won't spoil it for you. The guys end up in Bangkok with, of all people, Chow (Ken Jeong), the gangster who the guys accidentally kidnapped in Las Vegas. This time, Chow is Allen's plus one at the wedding much to Stu's surprise.

Where's Teddy?

Among the slight changes to the original are of course the location and the missing guy. In the original they lost Doug, this time it's the bride's little brother, a 16 year old pre-med student named Teddy (Mason Lee). As in the first film our heroes have no memory of the night before and must retrace their wild night to figure out where Teddy is.

"The Hangover Part 2" is only slightly more outrageous than the first film but the few moments that go beyond the original film go well beyond. Do not go in thinking that director Todd Phillips and company have run out of ways to shock you because "The Hangover Part 2" goes places that would make "The Hangover Part 1" uncomfortable.

Paul Giamatti in, Liam Neeson out

Watch out for Paul Giamatti in a cameo as well as Mike Tyson but the much talked about Liam Neeson cameo is out. Director Todd Phillips has a funny cameo but you likely wouldn't recognize him, few people actually know what directors look like unless their name is Speilberg or Hitchcock. Nevertheless, Phillips is an over the top natural.

"The Hangover Part 2" rehashes just about every scenario from the first film, including seeing far too much of Ken Jeong sans clothes, and throws in a monkey for good measure. Zach Galfianakis once again steals scene after scene with his sweet, naive maniac act. Galifianakis plays the role of Alan so well that just a tilt of his head is enough to get a big laugh.

It's not for the faint of heart and definitely not for kids'"really, movie theaters shouldn't be allowed to show Hangover Part 2 in the same building as Kung Fu Panda 2, just to be safe--but I do recommend "The Hangover Part 2" for some very big, very outrageous laughs and a good deal of nostalgia left over from the first film.

Movie Review The Happening

The Happening (2008) 

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Written by M. Night Shyamalan

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Zoey Deschanel, John Leguizamo

Release Date July 13th, 2008

Published July 12, 2008 

M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening is awful in the most unique and spectacular way. It leaves me with this strange excitement and curiosity, the kind usually inspired by a really good movie. For instance, when I saw I'm Not There, the Bob Dylan bio, I was so excited I wanted to know more about Dylan, read his books, interviews and especially, I wanted to hear his music.

With The Happening I feel quite similar. I am devouring interviews with Shyamalan and the opinions of fellow critics who seem thus far not to grasp the enormity of the spectacular awfulness of The Happening. I am desperately searching for a clue as to whether M. Night Shyamalan is an elaborate genius who has fooled us all with not a movie but a prank. Or is The Happening really intended as a supernatural horror film in the tradition of the B-Movie feature. Is this blinding mess of a movie a real attempt on his part or the most elaborate punking in history. Is M. Night Shyamalan the next Andy Kaufman or the next Coleman Francis?

The Happening would be the ultimate meta-parody if Shyamalan did indeed intend to make us laugh. However, I think he meant to do this. I think he intended to make this movie and believed it to be frightening, suspenseful and well acted. If that is the case. then what I witnessed is the ultimate career self immolation in history. The thing about self immolation for me. I don't get it. But I do admire the commitment it so obviously requires. The dedication to a cause so obviously lost is, at the very least, impressive.

By now I should have delved into the plot and given you some impression of what the movie is about, the action that is taking place. I can't bring myself to do that here because really there isn't a plot. There is some stuff that happens; but no real thesis statement or rallying cry. Those who choose the path of least resistance and take the film at face value will tell you it is an environmental fable. Trees release toxins causing humans to line up and kill themselves in grizzly fashion. That is an easy description but the truly keen observer will note that no one really knows what is happening in The Happening.

Those who choose the path of least resistance and take the film at face value will tell you it is an environmental fable. Trees release toxins causing humans to line up and kill themselves in grizzly fashion. That is an easy description but the truly keen observer will note that no one ever actually reasons what is happening in The Happening. So coy is Shyamalan about the hidden evil of his horror epic that you never really know what or if indeed anything is Happening? Trees or terrorists? The CIA? George freaking Bush? Who knows. Shyamalan, doesn't seem to know and from the lackadaisical approach to plot and character, he doesn't seem to really care.

Who does care? Mark Wahlberg seems to. The star of The Happening is committed to this mess and sacrifices dignity and career to satisfy whatever he thinks is Shyamalan's vision. It's an astonishing performance of earnest honesty and blind commitment. To what? He has no idea. Wahlberg I'm sure was hoping Shyamalan would bring it all together in the editing room. Remember, this guy survived the chaos of David O. Russell in I Heart Huckabees. He's used to weirdo directors and scripts that seem to have a mind of their own beyond his character.

Unfortunately for Wahlberg, where Russell did indeed have a point of view to satisfy with his chaotic approach, Shyamalan either betrayed him with this practical joke or had no such perspective at all. Poor Zooey Deschanel comes off even more dazed than Wahlberg. Not only is she lost and confused by the material, Deschanel brings a level of sitcom kitsch to her performance that leaves her looking as if she wandered into the wrong movie. Certain scenes, like avoiding the call of an unwanted admirer or her potential pregnancy seem like takes for her Dharma & Greg audition in some alternative universe.

John Leguizamo is at least left with his dignity as his character checks out early enough to avoid the stench, the same cannot be said for journeyman character actor Frank Collison whose tandem monologues about hot dogs and plants will have even diehard Mystery Science Theater fans hitting the eject button. So folks, there you have it. Is M. Night Shyamalan the living legacy of the great comic genius Andy Kaufman? Is The Happening his equivalent of Kaufman reading the Great Gatsby until the audience simply became irritated and walked out?

Or is Shyamalan really a modern day Coleman Francis who got lucky a couple times at the box office but in reality is a guy who should be making movies in his basement with friends and cronies from some small town movie fiefdom. Does he live in that Ed Wood like cocoon of sycophants and well wishers who allowed Wood to go on for years without acknowledging his utter ineptitude? Unfortunately dear reader, you will have to see The Happening in order to form an opinion on that. The simple answer is the cocoon of sycophants. The more intriguing and satisfying choice is the practical joke. I believe the first answer, I long for the second.

Movie Review: Valkyrie

Valkyrie (2008) 

Directed by Bryan Singer 

Written by Christopher McQuarrie, Nathan Alexander 

Starring Tom Cruise, Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Tom Wilkinson, Terence Stamp

Release Date December 25th, 2008 

Published December 24th, 2008 

Why? Why did Bryan Singer, Christopher McQuarrie and Tom Cruise attempt to turn Valkyrie, the story of a failed attempt to kill Hitler in 1944, into a suspense thriller? As stated in my brief description, it's a FAILED attempt to kill Hitler. Anyone who thinks that is a spoiler needs a history class and not a trip to the movies. The choice to frame the story of German hero Claus Von Stauffenberg as a thriller is a damning choice that dooms Valkyrie from beginning to end.

Tom Cruise essays the role of Klaus Von Stauffenberg as a man who was already disillusioned with Hitler's Germany before he was approached about killing the Fuhrer. Having been sent to North Africa to fight on a losing front of Hitler's war expansion, Stauffenberg urged a higher ranking official to contravene orders and get the soldiers out of Africa.

Before he can give the order the higher ranking officer is killed and Stauffenberg is badly wounded. He lost his right eye and right hand in the attack and was returned to Berlin. There he is approached by Major-General Tresckow about joining a group of Generals and politicians who want to overthrow Hitler.

They think they can get the job done politically. Stauffenberg however, has a more permanent idea. He and others advocate the idea that Hitler must die if there is to be change in Germany. And, he even has a political plan as a backup. It's called operation Valkyrie and if executed perfectly it could allow for an orderly change of power once Hitler is dead.

We know going in that Stauffenberg was executed for attempting to kill Hitler with a bomb at the Fuhrer's Wolf's Lair hideout. The complicated plot was ingenious and the resistance lead by Stauffenberg has been deified by those in Germany desperate for the rest of the world to know that not all Germans followed in lockstep with the evil dictator.

There is more than enough drama in the ideas behind Stauffenberg and company's plot to make an interesting, historic epic. Unfortunately, the path chosen by those involved in the movie Valkyrie is to make a thriller based on the timing and execution of the Valkyrie plot, the one we already know fails. Worse yet, the failure is a piece of forced dramatics involving the weak will of one of the conspirators. 

How much of what we see is history and what is fiction is unknown but what is onscreen fails to be thrilling, suspenseful or even modestly compelling. I am one of the rare few admitted big fans of Tom Cruise. It has become quite fashionable to despise the former biggest star on the planet. I do not subscribe to that fashion. I think Cruise is one of the most charismatic and compelling leading men in Hollywood history.

That makes Valkyrie all the harder for me to watch. To play the Teutonic Stauffenberg Cruise dials down his most compelling aspect. He drowns his charismatic persona in a pool of dense concentration and the tightest sphincter this side of Nurse Ratchet. Generally, Cruise does uptight better than anyone. However, the schtick as in Jerry Maguire or Vanilla Sky is going from being uptight to allowing himself to lose control and go with the flow. Valkyrie calls for Cruise to be intense and stay that way and quickly that becomes stifling.

With his charisma dialed back Cruise's intensity becomes a serene mask of seriousness that just isn't suitable to him. It's the kind of ferocious inner fire that an actor like Joaquin Phoenix exudes with every breath. Cruise is more effective when he mixes aggravation with charm. Stauffenberg as written is charmless and Cruise is ill-suited.

Bryan Singer is too good a director for the film to fail in craftsmanship and there is nothing wrong with the construction of Valkyrie. Where the film fails is in the choice of trying to make it a suspense thriller. It's a simple question - how can you have suspense and thrills when you already know how everything turns out.

As Stauffenberg races from the Wolf's Lair thinking he has killed Hitler we aren't breathing heavy as he is because we know he failed. The scene is tragic but only in our minds. It's as if Singer and McQuarrie don't know it's tragic. To pretend that the outcome isn't known is an act of foolishness that undermines the tragedy and drama of the Stauffenberg plot.

Movie Review The Happytime Murders

The Happytime Murders (2018) 

Directed by Brian Henson 

Written by Todd Berger 

Starring Melissa McCarthy, Joel McHale, Maya Rudolph, Elizabeth Banks 

Release Date April 24th, 2018 

Published April 23rd, 2018 

A number of critics have called The Happytime Murders the ‘worst movie of 2018.’ These critics apparently forgot about 15:17 to Paris or The Maze Runner Death Cure. The Happytime Murders is undoubtedly bad, I completely agree with that sentiment; but not worst of the year level bad. Mostly, the film is a failure of a central idea, that idea being that puppets acting like raunchy, obnoxious humans is funny just because they are puppets.

Melissa McCarthy stars in The Happytime Murders as Detective Connie Edwards, the former partner of the first ever puppet police detective, Phil Phillips (voiced by Bill Barretta). Edwards and Phillips, now a private detective, are thrown back together when a series of murders involving the cast of a popular puppet television show comes to center on Phil as a possible suspect, one of the victims was Phil’s own brother.

Phil somehow winds up at the scene of each murder and though we know he’s not the killer, it’s no surprise that he becomes a wanted man. The plot then turns on whether he and his former partner can put aside their past and work to clear his name and solve the horrific series of murders. It’s a rather straight-forward plot and if it starred human actors instead of puppets you might have a hard time seeing Happytime Murders as a comedy.

Director Brian Henson, the son of Muppets creator Jim Henson, hasn’t had much experience directing feature films and his inexperience shows in how clumsy the approach to tone is in The Happytime Murders. Dark comedy is tricky and if you can’t get the tone just right your film will fail and Henson never finds the right vibe for this movie. Everything is far too serious and straightforward and the plot relies far too heavily on the idea that puppets are inherently funny.

Henson appears to believe that seeing a puppet act in a human fashion, especially an obnoxious or raunchy fashion, is funny regardless of the context and for me that was not the case. I found parts of The Happytime Murders downright bleak with one dark comic gag falling short after another. The film relies heavily on cop movie clichés but doesn’t do anything to deconstruct those clichés other than embody them with puppets.

Melissa McCarthy has the only good moments in The Happytime Murders. McCarthy’s Connie has a very funny Jerry Maguire moment when she thinks she's been fired from her job and delivers an unhinged monologue on her way out the door. Beyond that however, and an occasional funny line late in the movie, even McCarthy appears to take the material of The Happytime murders a little too seriously, or, at least, serious enough that the comedy fails to land.

Puppets doing human things just isn’t funny on its own. Comedy requires context and structure and timing and The Happytime Murders has little context, only modest structure and the puppets make timing jokes for the human characters difficult. Melissa McCarthy is an actress whose timing is impeccable in most of her movies but she’s off throughout The Happytime Murders because she’s stuck trying to bounce off of non-human characters who can’t react to her usually effective wordplay.

If it sounds like I hated The Happytime Murders let me assure you that I don’t hate it. I just don’t think it is very good. The film is far more forgettable than it is offensive. The badness comes not from a lack of effort, there is a clear amount of effort on display from the remarkable puppeteers who make the puppet characters feel alive. Rather, it’s the kind of badness that likely only came around as the film was being cut together and the filmmakers slowly realized they hadn’t written any good jokes, just a series of dramatic, clichéd, contexts that are only funny if you think puppets are funny regardless of context or character.

An example: is it funny that Melissa McCarthy encounters a puppet junkie? The puppet is a drug addicted former TV star. The character doesn’t have much to do, doesn’t do much in the way of jokes, aside from a shot or two at McCarthy’s appearance, and then he’s dead. Is it funny that this comes from a puppet? For me, the answer is no, I need the character to actually be funny, to do or to say something funny.

That said, if you find puppets always funny regardless of the context or content, then perhaps this movie is for you.

Movie Review: Vanilla Sky

Vanilla Sky (2001) 

Directed by Cameron Crowe 

Written by Cameron Crowe 

Starring Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz, Cameron Diaz, Jason Lee 

Release Date December 14th, 2001 

Published December 15th, 2001 

The combination of Tom Cruise and Cameron Crowe is a meaningful one for me. This duo of director and star created my favorite movie of all time, Jerry Maguire. To be honest though my hopes were not high for their newest collaboration Vanilla Sky. My concerns were warranted with Crowe venturing out of his normal romantic dramedy safezone and Cruise hiding his leading man looks under piles of mangled makeup, Vanilla Sky was a huge gamble, one that I'm happy to report pays off bigtime.

Sky casts Cruise as David Aames, a jet-setting magazine impresario, emotionally stunted but staked by a father's fame and fortune. David has no meaningful relationships merely friendships of convenience with a woman named Julie, played by Cameron Diaz, who David sleeps with but still only considers a friend. David's best friend is a writer played by Jason Lee, but he too is merely convenient. David is bankrolling his buddy's book deal and though he calls him his best friend his tone doesn't convey that he means it. 

David Aames' life is changed forever when he meets Sophia, played by Penelope Cruz. David is immediately drawn to her and after spending one night with her without sleeping with her he vows to change his life work harder and take himself and those around him more seriously. Then tragedy strikes and this is where the film gets really interesting veering off in different directions, Thriller, Romance and even social commentary all of which is deftly handled by Crowe with his direction and razor sharp scripting. 

Early in the film I found it difficult to buy Cruise as a snowboarding, slacker, trust fund baby. But as the film goes on the character grows up quickly and becomes more Cruise-like; cocky, self assured but always shading the breakdown that is just under the surface. No one plays emotional devastation like Cruise, who is able to communicate agonizing emotional pain with his facial expressions better than any actor I've ever seen. 

The films supporting performances are just as good with Jason Lee as the standout. Yes it is hard to believe that Lee and Cruise as best buds but the film uses that lack of chemistry to add a deeper level to their relationship, one that plays into the unusual mystery unfolding throughout Vanilla Sky. Penelope Cruz is surprisingly good; I've never liked Penelope Cruz before but in Vanilla Sky I saw something I hadn't seen from her before, a pulse. 

The real star of Vanilla Sky though is cinematographer John Toll who should be nominated for his 4th Oscar for his beautiful work. Toll and director Cameron Crowe don't just make Vanilla Sky look good, they make it look too good in a way that plays into the central mystery of the movie. It's very subtle but those paying attention will be floored by the time the ending has arrived and how the bright visuals and color palette of Vanilla Sky was helping to tell the story. 

Vanilla Sky has the feel of a Kubrick film filtered through Cameron Crowe's pop sensibility, and that for me is an unbeatable combination.

Movie Review: Collateral

Collateral (2004) 

Directed by Michael Mann 

Written by Stuart Beattie 

Starring Tom Cruise, Jamie Foxx, Mark Ruffalo 

Release Date August 6th, 2004 

Published August 5th, 2004 

Tom Cruise has been at the top of his acting game the past few years with terrific performances in Vanilla Sky, Minority Report and The Last Samurai. Not only were these terrific films, they were also winners at the box office each grossing over 100 million dollars. At some point, the Law of Averages say that Cruise has to have a misstep, a failure. With his new film Collateral, Cruise once again is beating the odds with another terrific film and likely box office winner.

As the films poster says, it started like any other night. Los Angeles cab driver Max Durocher (Jamie Foxx) picked up his cab, cleaned it thoroughly and was on his way into another random L.A night. He picked up his typical rude, obnoxious, LAX going customers, that is, until he picked up a beautiful young lawyer named Annie (Jada Pinkett Smith) who bets him he can't get her to her destination faster by his route than her own. On the way the two flirt and Max even gets her number, this may not be all that typical a night after all.

Then the night takes it's most important turn as Max picks up Vincent (Cruise) a middle aged guy, gray hair, snappy but indiscreet suit, clinging to a high priced attaché case. Vincent is a little annoying, asks a lot of personal questions, he's seemingly one of those annoying glad handers who you just know has ulterior motives. Vincent's agenda is to have Max drive him to five different locations in a row for a price of six hundred dollars, more than Max would likely make the whole night. Even though Vincent makes him uneasy and it's against the rules, Max agrees and this life changing night is underway.

It doesn't take long for the night to get away from Max. On the first stop as Max waits in the cab, Vincent enters a rundown apartment building. Moments later a body falls from a window landing on Max's cab, Vincent exits the building soon after and Max puts two and two together. In an excellent dialogue exchange, Max says "You killed him" and the ever elusive Vincent replies "No, I shot him. The bullets and the fall killed him". Now it's on, and though Vincent had wanted this night to be incognito he now must take Max hostage and force him to help him finish his rounds which are tied to a drug dealer’s court case and the material witnesses that could put that drug dealer behind bars.

The plot is reminiscent of a smaller plot from the movie From Hell in which a carriage driver is employed to drive Jack The Ripper to and from each of his connected murders. Cruise's Vincent is quite similar to From Hell's version of The Ripper as an efficient, hired killer with a mysteriously meticulous purpose to his killing. However whereas the carriage driver allows poverty to overcome his conscience and becomes a co-conspirator, Foxx's cab driver chooses to follow his conscience and becomes a protagonist.

This is not your usual Hollywood-style hitman movie. The Hollywood hitman is more often than not portrayed as the anti-hero, not the villain. In Collateral, there is no question that Cruise is the villain of the piece and any attempt to humanize him in one scene will be undone by the next bit of violence. In this sense, Collateral shows more in common with Asian cinema's take on the hitman. He can be played as a straight villain or as the anti-hero that becomes more human through the plot and supporting characters. For some reason, Americans prefer their hitmen become heroic. If that is your idea of a hitman movie, then Collateral is not for you.

Another big difference between Collateral and most other Hollywood hitman movies is the style and rhythm of director Michael Mann and the script by newcomer Stuart Beattie. After 2001's disappointing Ali, Mann fell in love with the latest in digital technology and handheld camera work. In Collateral, he brings that love full circle using a combination of high definition digital and celluloid to establish the kind of dark noir-ish look that is unusually achieved through black and white photography.

Mann's direction is visual poetry that turns the city of Los Angeles into the third lead character of the film. The dialogue and the film’s soundtrack of Rock, Salsa, Techno and Jazz combine to give the film it's hum of life. This movie breathes and flows with the ease of a well oiled machine. The performances by both Jaime Foxx and Tom Cruise seem perfectly attuned to Mann's rhythm. Their dialogue and manner calibrated to fit into the scenery and stand out from it.

Tom Cruise continues on a streak of performances unparalleled by any other actor. For my money the man just keeps getting better and eventually the haters, and especially the Oscar voters, are going to have to recognize. Interestingly enough before Cruise gets his due, his Collateral co-star Jaime Foxx is likely to get noticed by Oscar. Not for this film but for his role in the upcoming Ray Charles biopic Ray. Foxx's role in Collateral shows his continuing evolution from mediocre comedian to real actor. It's been a good year so far for Jaime Foxx.

The supporting cast is filled out by Mark Ruffalo as an LAPD detective. Ruffalo seems a little too big for this rather small role but he is as effective as always. The film also features a terrific cameo by Oscar nominee Javier Bardem as Vincent's employer. Bardem's only scene, played opposite Foxx, is remarkable for how much the dialogue is so very Christopher Walken-esque in it's use of unusual metaphor and overall oddity.

Collateral is conventional only on the surface. In the good vs. evil sense, it is a conventional Hollywood movie. However in the numerous ways that Mann, his cast, and screenwriter Stuart Beattie tweak the Hollywood norms and what is expected of an action movie or a hitman movie, they make Collateral transcend anything that might be perceived as similar. That alone is worth the price of admission.

Movie Review The Heartbreak Kid

The Heartbreak Kid (2007)

Directed by Peter and Bobby Farrelly 

Written by Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly, Scot Armstrong, Leslie Dixon, Kevin Barnett

Starring Ben Stiller, Malin Akerman, Michelle Monaghan, Jerry Stiller, Rob Cordry, Danny McBride

Release Date October 5th, 2007 

Published October 4th, 2007 

Ben Stiller has the astonishing talent to remain as funny and likable in bad movies as he is in good movies. Night at the Museum, Meet The Fockers, Envy, all not so great movies and all movies where Stiller outshined the material provided to him. Stiller is once again in better than the movie mode in the Farrelly Brothers comedy The Heartbreak Kid. This sorta-romantic comedy, a remake of the 1972 Elaine may-Neil Simon teaming, has a terrific idea at its center and Stiller in fine form. Unfortunately directors Peter and Bobby Farrelly can't help but succumb to their worst instincts in a vain attempt to recapture past glory.

Eddie (Stiller) is 40 years old and never married. He was engaged for 5 years, but as we meet him in The Heartbreak Kid, he is attending his ex-fiance's wedding. Both Eddie's dad (Jerry Stiller) and his best pal Mac (Rob Corddry) give him no end of crap for not settling down when he had the chance. Thus when Eddie meets Lila (Malin Akerman) he rushes things a little bit.

Eddie and Lila fall into a relationship not long after he attempts to foil a bad guy who stole her purse. A whirlwind courtship leads to the hasty decision to get married and a disaster on the horizon. Taking their honeymoon in Cabo San Lucas, Eddie quickly realizes that Lila is a little off. She sings along with every song on the radio, she's horrible at math, and she's desperately in debt. She's also not very bright, thus why she is almost immediately laid up in the hotel room with a bad sunburn.

The time alone allows Eddie to meet Miranda (Michelle Monaghan), a beautiful women's lacrosse coach vacationing with her family. The two spark quickly and after spending a day together drinking and soaking in the local culture,  Eddie realizes he is in love. Now, he has to figure out a way to break it to Lila that they are not working out and make sure he has won Miranda's heart.

The set up for The Heartbreak Kid is solid, this is a terrific premise. Unfortunately, the Farrelly Brothers, back behind the camera for the first time since 2005's Fever Pitch, can't resist a return to their basest instincts. Fever Pitch was a sweet, good hearted romantic comedy that played straighter than any previous Farrelly's comedy. The Heartbreak Kid is a throwback to the less interesting Stuck On You, Shallow Hal, Me Myself and Irene days.

Those films distilled the essence of the Farrelly's oeuvre down to the lowest common denominator. Each has its moments, but for the most part each is a lesser and lesser version of the Farrelly's one true classic There's Something About Mary. The Heartbreak Kid is the palest imitation of all; featuring Stiller in the earnest, frustrated good guy role he played so well in Mary.

Sadly, The Heartbreak Kid fails to capture what made Mary such a great comedy. The combination of heart and humor in There's Something About Mary is a near perfect combination of good hearted romance and lowbrow, genitalia based humor. It's a combo nearly impossible to pull off and The Heartbreak Kid doesn't even come close.

Disgusting for the sake of being disgusting, slapstick for the sake of slapstick, The Heartbreak Kid constantly steps on the more interesting aspects of Eddie's romantic dilemma by dropping in unnecessarily crude humor. Do we really need Carlos Mencia as a porn loving, sex offending, hotel manager? Do we need Jerry Stiller grossing out everyone in earshot with his many horrifying sexual innuendos?

Did we need to see Ben Stiller getting peed on or a visual gag about women's privates that may be the lowest joke of any movie in 2007? I certainly don't think so. Not when Ben Stiller, Malin Akerman and Michelle Monaghan are doing such great work creating a comically tense love triangle. The crudity only serves to distract and get in the way.

Ben Stiller gets better and better each time out. In fact, Stiller has never seemed more comfortable onscreen as he does in The Heartbreak Kid. Granted, he's played the flustered good guy for more than a decade but really, you can finally see him losing his many tics and affectations and becoming comfortable being himself on screen. This newfound comfort only serves to turn this already funny actor into a more charming and interesting screen presence.

Stiller's work clearly has a good effect on co-star Malin Akerman who does much of the heavy lifting in the broad comic moments. Akerman is a great beauty who gives herself over to broad comedy in the most unexpected ways. Not everything about her performance works, but you have to respect her bravery and willingness to do anything that was asked of her.

Michelle Monaghan is the perfect romantic foil for Stiller. The two have tremendous chemistry and the romance between them was more than interesting enough to make The Heartbreak Kid work as a romantic comedy. It's unfortunate that Peter and Bobby Farrelly didn't trust their stars enough to back off, just a little, on the lowbrow stuff.

The potential is there for a terrific romantic comedy in The Heartbreak Kid. It's undone by writer-directors desperate for faded glory. Peter and Bobby Farrelly have seen diminishing returns on each of their films since There's Something About Mary. Only Fever Pitch betrayed an attitude that they really didn't care about mimicking their past success.

Reteaming with Ben Stiller however, the Farrelly's sensed an opportunity to regain their A-list status and went for broke trying to recreate something that just can't be captured a second time. Certainly not with such desperate pandering as that which breaks The Heartbreak Kid.

Movie Review: Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipwrecked

Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipwrecked (2011) 

Directed by Mike Mitchell

Written by Jonathan Aibel, Glenn

Starring Jason Lee, Justin Long, David Cross, Jenny Slate, Anna Faris, Amy Poehler 

Release Date December 16th, 2011 

Published December 15th, 2011 

As a professional critic I know I shouldn't be biased against any movie but indeed I was biased against "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked." The first two "Alvin and the Chipmunks" big screen adventures are moronic and terrible movies that flashed pretty colors and loud music in order to distract children and parents into thinking they'd gotten their money's worth.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" on the other hand has a richness and thoughtfulness that was lacking in the first two movies. In no way is 'Chipwrecked' a great movie but by the lowered bar of the first two films it's a "Citizen Kane" level effort.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" opens on a cruise ship where a family vacation is, of course, upended by Alvin's hijinks. Dave (Jason Lee) makes the mistake of leaving Alvin alone in their state room and he leads a break out of the room that takes him to the casino and the Chipettes to the dance floor for a dance off against some Jersey Shore babes.

The ship scenes are very reminiscent of all the things wrong with the first two 'Alvin' movies and my heart sank for about 10 minutes until Alvin took flight on a kite with Simon, Theordore, Brittany, Eleanor, and Jeanette hanging on the tale end. The kite carries the chipmunks off of the cruise ship and off-course to a lost little island.

Dave gives chase after the kids on a hang glider and is joined by his music industry rival Ian (David Cross) who gets caught up attempting to stop Dave from going after the kids. Ian is now a mascot for the cruise line and spends most of the movie dressed as a giant pelican.

In my favorite part of "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" former SNL bit player and "Bored to Death" actress Jenny Slate plays Zoe, a castaway on the island. Slate's wacked out Zoe has a running gag about sports balls, ala Tom Hanks in "Cast Away," that somehow got a laugh from me every time the movie brought it back.

Will kids get a reference to "Cast Away?" Probably not; but the wacky bits that Slate does with the balls, including naming them, are expansive enough to get laughs no matter whether you get the reference. It's also nice to see the creators of 'Chipwrecked' throw moms and dads a bone.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" is not a great movie; it doesn't rise to the level of great family movies like "The Muppets" or "Rango," but the fact that the makers of 'Chipwrecked' worked hard enough to improve this awful series is admirable. Director Mike Mitchell could have coasted on the 'Alvin' brand name and he didn't and I appreciate that.

Unlike the first two films, there is the sense of an actual idea in "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked." The movie aims to dialogue a little with kids about growing up and learning and earning responsibility. It's a little idea and it's not pursued with much depth but it's one more idea than existed in the first two movies combined.


Movie Review A Haunting in Connecticut

The Haunting in Connecticut (2009) 

Directed by Peter Cornwell 

Written by Adan Simon, Tim Metcalfe

Starring Virginia Madsen, Kyle Gallner, Martin Donovan, Amanda Crew, Elias Koteas 

Release Date March 27th, 2009 

Published March 26th, 2009 

Virginia Madsen is a very talented actress. This assertion on my part is well demonstrated in her Oscar nominated performance in Sideways. However, her name on a marquee inspires the kind of fuzzy, hazy, disconnected state that only Pink Floyd could properly describe. Place her name above the title The Haunting in Connecticut and the combination inspires the kind of yawn that can only be described as jaw breaking.

The Haunting in Connecticut is a movie that commits the cardinal sin of movies. It is not merely bad, it's boring. Not boring merely in the way that one could be doing better things with their time but boring in a way that one is subjected to. As if locked in a room with blank walls and no windows. Gene Siskel put it best 'This movie does not improve upon a blank screen viewed for the same length of time.'

Virginia Madsen is ostensibly the star of The Haunting in Connecticut though one might fairly claim ennui as the film's true marquee element. Madsen plays a country mom to a cancer-addled son, played by Kyle Gallner, who decides to move her family to a suburban home closer to the local hospital. Because the family is not rich she accepts the first home in their price range. This, despite the fact that the home used to be a working funeral home. Poverty is stronger than the darkly ironic, fate tempting idea of moving her dying son into what used to be a funeral parlor.

Dad (Martin Donovan) is forced to stay in the country for work reasons but the rest of the family is coming to the creepy new house. The rest of the family include a toe-headed little brother and a pair of female cousins whose living arrangements are somewhere in the exposition, likely during the onset of my movie-long malaise.

Of course it's not long before the ghosts begin tossing plates and the shrieking musical score begins trying to convince us that all of this is pretty scary. I remain unconvinced. Along the way we greet a few more unhappy clichés including conventional horror movie misdirection where people hear noises that they think are scary but are really cats or birds or relatives.

There is even a brief digression into the child in danger plot as the youngest children are briefly menaced by apparitions. This is thankfully brief but hey if you are going to fly by on cliché you may as well throw them all in there. Clichés at the very least are familiar and even distracting yet somehow even they come off as boring in this film. It's difficult to describe this level of boredom. Imagine Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller mode reading the instruction manual for a ford fiesta. Now take that down a notch and you can imagine something close to what I felt during The Haunting in Connecticut.

This is surprising considering the 'true story' the film is allegedly based on. Al and Carmen Snedeker are a real family who moved into what was a former funeral home in Connecticut back in the mid-80's. After moving in they did indeed report a number of creepy goings on. Their story inspired Ed and Lorraine Warren, the spiritualist con artists who crafted the Amityville Horror legend years earlier, to come and craft an elaborate haunting for the Snedekers.

Not surprisingly, the whole thing became a bestselling book and now this movie. Except that the movie seems to have left out some of the more juicy and entertaining details. Not the ghosts, the bodies allegedly stuffed in the walls, or the alleged séances that may or may not have taken place as a regular bit of funeral home business. That's all in there somewhere, I think, I may have blacked out briefly. 

No. It's the part where Al and Carmen cop to having been raped by apparitions repeatedly over the TWO YEARS they lived in this house. Disturbing on so many levels? Yes, but definitely not boring. This detail was dropped from the movie either in a nod to good taste (Booo) or because writing this detail into the movie would take more effort than the writers were willing to put into it. 

Or, even more likely, it was a commerce over creepiness decision. The film is more bankable as a PG 13 feature not featuring ghostly forced sex. I'm not sure what this says about me but I cannot honestly tell you whether I preferred the boredom or the creeptastic, ungodly alternative left out of the final film. I guess we'll never know. The Haunting in Connecticut is what it is, an utterly mind numbing bore.


Movie Review The Haunting of Molly Hartley

The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008) 

Directed by Mickey Liddell 

Written by Rebecca Sonnenshine, John Travis

Starring Haley Bennett, Chace Crawford, Annalynne McCord, Ron Canada 

Release Date October 31st, 2008

Published October 31st, 2008 

If PG-13 horror movies get anymore tired they are going to have to sell Starbucks coffee with every ticket. I needed an extra strength caffeine back-up to stay awake during the latest mind numbing PG-13 'horror movie,' The Haunting of Molly Hartley, a slow witted, formulaic piece of over-marketed junk.

Haley Bennett is Molly Hartley, a pretty but troubled young girl whose mother tried to kill her. Mom stabbed Molly but she survived and mom went away. Now Dad (Jake Weber) has moved her to a new High School where she befriends the most popular and handsome boy in the school, Joseph (Chace Crawford).

But, of course, Haley's past can't help but follow her to the new school. First it's terrible nightmares about her mom's attack. Then word gets around that her mother is in an asylum, kids can be so cruel. Then Molly begins to have her own psychotic freak outs, just like mom's and then... well things get even worse with one last twist.

First time feature director Mickey Liddell directed The Haunting of Molly Hartley with all the skill of a sledgehammer hitting cement. The film offers thuddingly loud jump-scare sounds, whipsaw camera tricks and faux suspense to build what little atmosphere it can in order to hold us in place till the big twist is revealed.

It doesn't work. By the time we get to the 'twist' the audience's minds have drifted to other things such as, dinner after the show, laundry, ceiling tiles, napping., stamp collecting, texting, crossword puzzles, the stimulus package, navel lint, favorite beers, ear hair, other movies, is it cold enough for a winter coat or warm enough for a jacket?

Should I go back to the gym? Did I bring my checkbook? That was a good milkshake? Was that my phone? What's that stuck to my shoe...

Oops sorry, The Haunting of Molly Hartley is so deathly dull and preposterously forgettable that I managed to drift off during my review. You can go ahead and skip the rental on The Haunting Of Molly Hartley, unless your most inane thoughts need a dull bleating soundtrack. Then maybe.


Movie Review The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things

Movie Review The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things (2006) 

Directed by Asia Argento 

Written by Asia Argento, Alessandro Magania 

Starring Asia Argento, Jimmy Bennett, Cole Sprouse, Dylan Sprouse, Marilyn Manson, 

Release Date March 10th, 2006

Published July 17th, 2006 

We have seen manic moms portrayed on the big screen before. Most often they are wild eccentrics who try harder to be their child's pal instead of their parent. They are loving but scattered mom's who are often as childish as their kids.

The mother played by Asia Argento in The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things is no loving eccentric. After retrieving her seven year old son from a loving foster home this manic depressive, drug and alcohol addicted sex worker proceeds to drag the kid through some of the worst experiences that the modern American underbelly has to offer.

At the age of seven Jeremiah, played by Jimmy Bennett, finds himself forced from the only home he has ever known. The mother who abandoned him as a baby has somehow procured custody of him and is determined to play mommy.

Over the course of a few years Jeremiah is subjected to numerous abuses, is forced to witness mom turning tricks, often just a few feet where he cowers in fear. His mother gives him drugs and alcohol and allows some of her men to abuse him the way they abuse her.

Then she's gone again and Jeremiah is left with her most recent 'new daddy'. This didn't last long as the new daddy really wasn't interested in raising a kid. So, after being sexually abused, Jeremiah somehow finds himself in the Christian fundamentalist home of his grandparents played by Peter Fonda and Ornelia Muti. They are strict, even vicious about their Christianity but anything is preferable to life on the streets.

Cut to three years later and Jeremiah, now played by twins Cole and Dylan Sprouse, is an 11 year old street corner preacher when mommy returns and wants him back. This leads to further horrors physical and sexual abuse, drugs, alcohol and a near death experience.

Asia Argento who plays mom in the film also directed The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things. Her direction is relentless and at times arresting. However, as I'm sure you have culled from my description, the film is all dark with no light. I have no idea what to take away from this picture but utter despair.

It is undeniably brave to present a story as bleak and heart-rending as this and to not dose it with irony or even a hint of goodness. The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things challenges its audience to look away. Look away from the constant horror that is this child's life. Turn, if you can, a blind eye to the fact that there are children out there living this life.

Just last week in the tiny town of Spencer Iowa a woman left her five year old son in the car while she was inside a bar getting drunk and stripping on a table top. The incident would have gone unnoticed if the mother had not gotten herself arrested. This scene is played out in The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things except there is no police interference. Young Jeremiah witnessed the alternate reality of that Spencer, Iowa scene.

The ending of the film is bitter, sad and open ended. Young Jeremiah's life remains in the horrifying orbit of his mothers disease. A disturbing end for a thoroughly disturbing film.

Movie Review Hostel

Hostel (2006) 

Directed by Eli Roth 

Written by Eli Roth 

Starring Jay Hernandez, Derek Richardson, Rick Hoffman

Release Date January 6th, 2006 

Published January 6th, 2006 

Filmmakers have a very interesting mental link between sex and violence. Because both are really the last societal taboos, certain forms of each are in violation of all social graces, they can be exploited in order to shock and titillate audiences. Movies as varied as the brilliant A History Violence and the abysmal Devil's Rejects have drawn sex and violence together as if the two things were inextricably linked.

Eli Roth, the director of the horror flick Hostel, is a true believer in the link between sex and violence. Hostel puts the two subjects in direct relation as college-aged protagonists seek cheap, meaningless sex on a trip through Europe and end up paying dearly for it in the typically mindless, blood-soaked fashion of modern exploitation flicks.

Paxton (Jay Hernandez) and Josh (Derek Richardson) are fresh out of college and ready to party. They have traveled to the modern day Sodom that is Amsterdam in search of the holy grail of twenty-something morons: loose woman and legal hash. Paxton is the more indulgent and headstrong of the two, partaking in both the willing bar girls and the pay-for-play gals lining the streets in lighted window displays. Josh, on the other hand, is slightly more reserved and even a little put off by the sex on sale.

Once Paxton and a fellow traveler, Oli (Eythor Gudjonsson), who the guys hook up with along the way, have exhausted the local talent, they come across a German teen who has the inside scoop on the best looking and loosest women in all of Europe. There is, the teen claims, a youth hostel that is on no map, and where the local women are dying to sleep with any foreigners. All the boys have to do is hop a train to scenic Bratislava.

A lengthy train trip later; the three friends have found the mythic hostel. The story is true: naked flesh is easy to come by and the naked women are easier than ever imagined. The fun, however, does not last long. After an epic night of debauchery, that even Josh partakes in, Oli disappears with a young Japanese girl. Soon Josh too has disappeared, and Paxton seeks out their new female companions to find out what happened to his pals.

He is told that both guys are at an art show, and, in standard Eastern European fashion, the supposed "art show" is housed in a slaughterhouse. Of course, by now we in the audience are well aware that the art show is actually a brutal torture chamber where hostel stayers are kidnapped and killed in the most horrifying ways imaginable.

Director Eli Roth showed an interesting level of originality in his first feature, 2003's Cabin Fever. That film was a skin-crawling genre exercise that twisted expectations by not focusing on a human killer but a timely viral killer. That film was not all that visually accomplished, partly because of its low budget, and neither is Hostel. The films share a low budget aesthetic, but Hostel, with a slightly higher budget and the imprimatur of Quentin Tarantino, makes it fair to wonder when Roth will finally show a talent for crafting visuals that don't rely on special effects splatter.

Of the many attempts at scary visuals, only a scene where a character has his kneecaps drilled and his Achilles heel sliced comes across as shocking. A later, gorier scene in which a woman's eyeball dangles precariously from its socket is truly underwhelming as both an effect and makeup. Poorly executed special effects aside, Roth lacks the necessary skill to negate his low budget with story tension.

Jay Hernandez, so impressive in the 2001 teen romance Crazy/Beautiful, fails to make a compelling lead in Hostel. His boorish American tourist bit is believable but not all that enjoyable or relatable. Co-star Derek Richardson's own wet blanket character is even less impressive, and thus no help to Hernandez. Only Icelandic actor Gudjonsson manages to be entertaining, but he is quickly dispatched. His charming comic presence is missed once he's gone.

Hostel has the hallmarks of the exploitation genre down cold. Buckets of blood are spilled, copious amounts of naked female flesh are displayed; all of the basic horror elements that had once held the genre in the movie ghetto of late night pay cable and direct to video land are featured in Hostel. Something about all that nudity in Hostel, combined with the lack of even one strong female character in Hostel, leads me to wonder whether Eli Roth has a problem with women. 

Hostel is not merely misogynist, the film demonstrates a direct loathing and objectification of women. The women of Hostel  exist to remove their clothing and die horribly. Whether this is a symptom of Roth's inability to write for women, a similar lack of compelling female characters plagued Cabin Fever, or he really does dislike women is up for debate.

Roth apparently enjoys the company of Quentin Tarantino and yet he seems to have never seen Kill Bill, which provided more than a few examples of how to write convincing, compelling female characters. Then again, writing is not Roth's strong suit anyway. On more than one occasion Roth comes within a few lines of something interesting and walks away to throw more blood and gore at the screen.

Hostel comes close to a clever parody of the current anti-American attitudes so pervasive in Europe where American travelers are encouraged to claim Canadian citizenship to avoid a hassle. Sadly Hostel comes to the precipice of joking about this timely subject but then travels the easier path to exploitation success, more naked flesh and piles of human remains.

There is also, I believe, an unintentional undercurrent of puritanical feelings bubbling beneath the surface of Hostel. The way in which sin and vice lead almost directly to death in Hostel is rather Old Testament. Hostel shares this sex-death link with classic horror movies like A Nightmare On Elm Street and Friday The 13th, but oddly no horror film director has had the nerve to explore this vengeful god scenario in an intellectually satisfying way.

Eli Roth may have earned the appreciation of a true genius in Quentin Tarantino, but there is no evidence in Hostel that Roth actually learned anything from his new mentor. Where Tarantino crafts artful visuals from the lowest of genres, Roth can barely craft a solid scare. That is not to say that Roth won't develop into a good director someday, but for now his work is merely terribly overrated.

For lovers of the exploitation genre, (what writer David Poland has cleverly dubbed the "horror porn" genre, including recent films like Devil's Rejects, High Tension and Wolf Creek) Hostel will be a huge hit. But for fans of well made movies, Hostel is yet another waste of screen space. 

Classic Movie Review Enter the Dragon

Enter the Dragon (1973)  Directed by Robert Clouse  Written by Michael Allin  Starring Bruce Lee, John Saxon, Jim Kelly  Release Date August...