Movie Review This Means War

This Means War (2012) 

Directed by McG 

Written by Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg 

Starring Reese Witherspoon, Tom Hardy, Chris Pratt 

Release Date February 17th, 2012 

Recent to DVD the comedy “This Means War” is a criminally banal comedy starring three exceptional young stars in the hands of a competent but unimaginative director. The story of two spies using their skill and advanced technology as they compete for the heart of the same woman wastes three terrific stars and a solid premise on a series of mild and predictable gags.

Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) has had no luck with men. She moved to Los Angeles to with a man who dumped her soon after she arrived. Since then she has become focused on her job as a product tester and put seeking love on the back burner. Unfortunately for Lauren, her pal Trish won’t let her forget about love; eventually signing her up for online dating.

Through the love seeking website Trish meets Tuck (Tom Hardy), a kind and handsome travel agent. On the same day as her first date with Tuck she also meets FDR (Chris Pine) a jerky ladies man who tries to put the moves on her in a video store. What Lauren doesn’t know is that Tuck and FDR are friends and partners and spies. Soon, the smitten spies begin to compete for Lauren’s heart using the resources at their disposal to gain an intelligence advantage.

The idea of two spies using their spy craft to woo the same woman is wonderfully novel. Unfortunately, director McG doesn’t do anything unpredictable with this idea. Every beat, every joke, every turn of plot in “This Means War” is easy to predict. The plot gives you a great deal to work from and challenges the filmmaker to do something that audiences don’t expect and McG simply never does it.

With these three stars it is inexcusable that “This Means War” is so achingly mediocre. Tom Hardy and Chris Pine are evolving into major movie stars with Hardy starring in “Warrior” and “Inception” and Pine having given new life to Captain Kirk in “Star Trek.” And then there is Reese Witherspoon, arguably the easiest to like actress working today.

Witherspoon is the bright light of the modern romantic comedy. Her unique beauty and quirky approach to generally predictable material never fails to bring something interesting to the table. Even in “This Means War” Witherspoon’s charm is hardly dampened. Unfortunately, even Witherspoon’s charm can’t escape a plot so heavy handed and rote.

It’s not that McG is a bad director; the film is good looking and the story, such as it is, keeps a solid pace. The story logic is as strong as it is novel but the premise needed a touch up. We know from the marketing that these two guys are spies and she doesn’t know it so the film needs to find unique ways for the spies to use their craft. All we get from “This Means War” is people watching other people on hidden cameras.  

Surely there is more that could be done with spies than background checks via the internet and hidden webcams. Sadly, “This Means War” lacks the imagination to come up with anything more. It’s fair to assume that the filmmakers were relying on the stars to sell what they couldn’t but even stars as attractive as these can’t make nothing into something.

In the end what’s really hard to watch about “This Means War” is how truly mediocre it is. The film is well crafted and the stars are attractive but that’s not enough to get the movie past merely watchable. It would be easier for me to dismiss “This Means War” if it were truly bad but the film lingers in memory because it is so remarkably banal; a fact that is almost more offensive than if the film simply stunk. 

Movie Review Terminator Salvation

Terminator Salvation (2009) 

Directed by McG 

Written by John Brancato, Michael Ferris 

Starring Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin, Moon Bloodgood

Release Date May 21st, 2009

Published May 20th, 2009 

I have not been able to get over the idea that John Connor was not initially meant to be the lead character in Terminator Salvation. As a fan of each of the Terminator movies, even the much maligned Terminator 3:Rise of the machines, I was flabbergasted that the character prophesied as the leader of the human resistance in the future of this time travel action fantasy could somehow be relegated to being a supporting character.

Now having seen Terminator Salvation, some of my fears have been alleviated and others were elevated. Christian Bale's John Connor is the lead in this story but the whole thing is stolen by Sam Worthington as Connor's nemesis/ally Marcus.

Terminator Salvation begins in 2003 with the execution of a man named Marcus. He was convicted of the murder of three men including his own brother, and he welcomes his fate. Before he is put to death, Marcus agrees to donate his body to science, specifically to Cyberdyne systems. Fans of the series are already intrigued, the uninitiated will have to wait and see.

Shifting to the future, 2018, we find John Connor not yet the leader of the resistance. He is the leader of a small band of fighters somewhere in California taking its orders from leaders aboard a submarine constantly moving in the Pacific to avoid detection by SkyNet. When most of Connor's team is destroyed in a recon mission, Connor finds that SkyNet, the robotic system that became sentient in 2007 and destroyed most of the human population, is taking human hostages.

The big question for Connor at the moment is why are robots dedicated to killing humans suddenly capturing them. The leaders of the resistance aren't nearly as interested, especially since a recent raid has given them a new weapon for fighting the machines. They think they can blow up SkyNet using this new weapon but to do so will kill the prisoners, something Connor will not allow.

The real game changer here however is Marcus who somehow finds himself alive in 2018. What he doesn't know is that he is the evolution of what SkyNet has been planning for years, a bonding of human and machine that can be used to infiltrate and destroy.

If that last bit sounds like a spoiler then you must not have seen the trailer for Terminator Salvation. Even still, the opening minutes of the movie make certain that Marcus's fate is well known before it is revealed to him later in the film. It is one of the flaws of Terminator Salvation that what should be a major stunner of a plot point is given away with such poor plotting.

Indeed, director McG, best known for Charlie's Angels, doesn't care so much about plot as he does about special effects. How else to explain how McG could move ahead with a Terminator movie where John Connor is not the lead. Clearly, he doesn't care about this story.

On the bright side, McG cares deeply for his special effects and he has created some of the most seamless and effective special effects since maybe the Lord of the Rings movies. The machines are stunningly lifelike and the big special guest, the Governator himself Arnold Schwarzenegger comes to life in ways you cannot imagine, especially considering that the Governor never stepped foot on the set.

The effects of Terminator Salvation are so impressive that the film's many, many flaws become forgivable. The fact that McG tramples all over the Terminator mythology, tossing bones here and there with little in jokes for the fans, is forgivable unless you are truly hardcore. The wooden, charisma free performance of Christian Bale, forgivable because he's so good at letting the effects be the star.

I am surprised to say that I can even forgive the almost complete lack of plot, forgivable because I was so very entertained by this next generation of computer tech. Schwarzenegger's astonishing cameo alone is nearly enough for me to recommend the movie.

Terminator Salvation is not for those who prefer movies that tell an actual story. Nor is it for those of you, a very small number I am sure, who are desperately tied to the Terminator mythology. It is however for those like me who love a good roller coaster ride and those who are very, very forgiving and especially it is for anyone impressed by things shiny and loud.

If 'blowed up good' makes you break out in chuckles you are definitely the audience for Terminator Salvation.

Movie Review Charlie's Angels Full Throttle

Charlie's Angels Full Throttle (2003) 

Directed by McG 

Written by John August 

Starring Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Demi Moore, Bill Murray 

Release Date June 27th, 2003 

Published June 26th, 2003 

The first Charlie’s Angels film delighted in the kind of mindless, plotless humor that made the Austin Powers movies so much fun. Or at least the first Austin Powers movie. As the sequels in that series show, it's difficult to maintain that atmosphere. The humor relies so much on the outlandishness of the setup that you’re forced to top yourself from one gag to the next. For the Charlie’s Angels crew, that means skimpier outfits and racier humor that pushes the boundaries of it's mandated PG-13 rating. Thanks to a cast that has earned a great deal of audience goodwill, they manage to succeed this time, but one more will be really pushing it.

We all remember the flashy sex kittens from the original, Alex (Lucy Liu), Natalie (Cameron Diaz) and Dylan (Drew Barrymore). No need for reintroduction, the film jumps right into the action as the girls save a federal marshal from a group of Mongolian terrorists, with the cunning use of special effects and Cameron Diaz's ebullient sexuality.

From there it's back to the states where Charlie (the disembodied voice of John Forsythe) explains what we need to know in order to give the film’s gags a minimal amount of context. Some mess about the federal witness protection program and the list of people in protection. A bad guy has the list and is trying to sell it and it's up the Angels to stop them and retrieve the list.

During the investigation it's revealed that Dylan is on the list for having testified against an Irish mobster named Seamus O'Grady (Justin Theroux), who conveniently enough has just been released from prison. Oh but he's not the big bad guy. As the girls quickly figure out the real bad guy is a former Angel named Madison Lee (Demi Moore). Why she stole the list and blah blah blah is not necessary. How hot she looks in a bikini, now that is what this movie is really about.

Moore's role is actually rather limited in screentime, not much more than a cameo save for the big fight scene at the end. There are numerous cameos throughout the film that at times it's like an episode of the Love Boat. Matt LeBlanc reprises his cameo from the first film, as does Luke Wilson. John Cleese drops in as does Robert Patrick and even Demi's ex husband Bruce Willis. There is also a small role Shia Leboef from Holes, pop singer Pink and even the Olson Twins. Sadly, the film failed to get the cameo that really would have set tongues a wagging, Demi's current boy toy Ashton Kutcher.

Bernie Mac has a slightly bigger than a cameo role as the new Bosley, taking over for Bill Murray. Who cares how or why he has the role, Mac is welcome presence because he's just damn funny in every scene he's in.

Reigning over all this is Director McG, whose skills as a music video director were very much on display in the first film and they are far more pronounced in this sequel. McG is maturing quickly from video director to pop artist. His visuals are pure eye candy and his actors merely props to decorate his painting. McG skillfully maneuvers his actors through a series of eyepopping scenes, both titillating and action packed.

McG is to be commended for his amazing ability to skirt the censors who somehow were convinced to give this film a PG-13 rating. McG walks the line between obvious Russ Meyer style exploitation and acceptable humorous double entendre, like a skilled tightrope walker. The stars of the film and their director seem to say it's okay to exploit their sexuality, such as a scene where the Angels go undercover in a strip club, as long as the girls are in on the joke. What woman could resist having their butt worshipped the way McG seems to worship the butt's of his leads? All shot as lovingly as one might film the Mona Lisa.

Getting away with this type of envelope pushing for another sequel is highly unlikely. Unless the ratings board says PG-13 means the girls can strip naked and kill bad guys at the same time, the filmmakers will have a hard time finding anything more safely titillating than what they concocted in Full Throttle.