Movie Review: Alita Battle Angel

Alita Battle Angel (2019) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Written by James Cameron, Laeta Kalogridis

Starring Christoph Waltz, Rosa Salazar, Jennifer Connelly, Mahershala Ali, Ed Skrein, Jackie Earl Haley

Release Date February 14th, 2019

Published February 14th, 2019

Alita Battle Angel has been the dream of director-producer James Cameron for a number of years. While he’d placed the project on the backburner to focus on his Avatar franchise, Cameron never stopped loving Yukito Kishiro’s unique comic universe. Though he eventually walked away from directing Alita Battle Angel, Cameron can be credited for keeping the idea alive as a film property and that life is now realized with director Robert Rodriguez bringing Alita to the big screen. 

Alita Battle Angel is a CGI part live action adventure starring unknown newcomer Rosa Salazar as the titular Alita. Alita is a cyborg warrior who was found mostly dead and forgotten in a junkyard by Dr Dyson Ido (Christoph Waltz). Dr Ido put Alita back together inside the cyborg body that he’d once intended to give to his daughter. In this body, Alita is essentially, in many ways just a teenage girl but because of her cyborg heart, she has a quickness and fighting acumen that rivals any man. 

Slowly, Alita begins to regain her memory. After a particularly dramatic and violent moment in which she realizes she has serious violent tendencies, Alita remembers that she was once a warrior and now she wants to put that side of herself to good use as a bounty hunter. This is something Dr Ido strongly opposes but he cannot stop here. At the same time, Alita has also begun entering a romantic relationship with a flesh and blood human named Hugo (Keean Johnson). 

Both Hugo and Dr Ido have secrets that they are keeping from Alita, secrets that will be revealed and shape the early plot of Alita Battle Angel. It’s these secrets that tie in the other supporting players in this adventure including Chiren (Jennifer Connelly) a fellow doctor who takes a keen interest in Alita and the dangerous Vector (Mahershala Ali) who acts as the eyes and ears and event the occasional avatar of the film’s true big bad, named Nova. I won’t spoil the cameo of the big name actor who plays Nova as the film spoils it in remarkable fashion. 

Not spoil in the sense of revealing something too soon. Rather, the way this big name cameo is revealed is akin to something spoiled and rotting. This cameo reeks to high heaven. It’s an absolute laugh out loud stinker of the lowest calibur. The cameo comes along in an already faltering third act of Alita and provides a yawp of unintended laughter before becoming a highly problematic plot point as the film comes to a close. 

I won’t spoil the ending as even my negative review of Alita Battle Angel likely won’t prevent many from seeing it. Plus, I actually don’t hate Alita Battle Angel, not completely. The first two acts of Alita Battle Angel were unexpectedly emotional and compelling. Rosa Salazar is a young actor to watch. What she lacks in experience and chops she makes up for with confidence and energy. Some may find her enthusiasm cloying but I found it winning, for 2 out of three acts of the movie. 

I even admired the attempts at romance in Alita Battle Angel. Yes, there are odd questions that the main character raises as a cyborg teenage girl, many of those questions being deeply unsettling or creepy but nevertheless. That said, Salazar sparks well with fellow newcomer Keean Johnson and I liked the plot complications that Hugo brings to this story. In pro wrestling terminology, Hugo is what we call a tweener, a character somewhere between good and evil and teetering one way or the other. 

There is perhaps almost too much Oscar gold in Alita Battle Angel. The pedigree is darn near distracting with three Oscar winners, four if you count Christoph Waltz twice, one Oscar nominee, an unrecognizable Jackie Earle Haley, and a cameo from an Oscar nominee. Robert Rodriguez has stacked the cast with Academy faves in order to balance out his romantic leads, both newcomers who benefit from the Awards savvy supporting players. 

Even that amount of talent however, can’t save Alita from a third act that flies laughably off the rails. As Alita is fighting her way toward the biggest of the big bads in Alita Battle Angel, she makes choices that make little sense. She suddenly buys into a plot point regarding a warrior code that was not well established before in the plot. This is done for the purpose of plot convenience in the most obvious fashion. 

Jennifer Connelly and Mahershala Ali are then stranded in a classically James Bond moment where the fate of one of their characters is so achingly obvious that you can’t help but roll your eyes at the doozy of a cliché. At the very least, that plot has an unexpected and stunning visual payoff but that doesn’t change the nature of the embarrassing obviousness of that scene. And then the film ends without a complete resolution. 

Alita Battle Angel clips along for two thirds of the movie with a tremendous plot building strong complications with genuine stakes. Then, out of the blue, one of the main characters nearly dies, Alita nearly allows them to die and then, and then… well. I would need to go into serious spoiler territory to disentangle the nonsense that leads to this wholly unsatisfying end. I will only say that this abysmal third act ruined for me what was an otherwise enthralling and thrilling action adventure sci-fi romp. 

I was genuinely bummed when the movie began to falter. I could feel my heart sinking as the music of the final scene began to swell and it dawned on me that the film and these terrific characters would not have the chance to redeem themselves with a final battle sequence. Instead, I was left dispirited by a truly lame and misguided sequel tease. Ugh! Alita Battle Angel is two thirds of a really ripping adventure and one third of a bad Wachowski movie. 

(Sidebar: The Wachowski’s were the makers of The Matrix whose careers have been marked by remarkable ups like The Matrix and stunning failures such as The Matrix sequels and Jupiter Ascending. The final act of Alita sadly compares well to the worst of the output by visionary filmmakers quite similar to Wachowski’s in clout, status and popularity, Robert Rodriguez and James Cameron.) 

(Sidebar Sidebar: Yes, I know if I have to explain the funny-sad comparison it’s less funny but so be it, this parenthesized tangent is entertaining me even more than my insulting comparison.) 

(Sidebar-Sidebar-Sidebar: Then again, is a reference to the Wachowski's really so obscure that people need these sidebars? Perhaps not, but there is a lack of universality as to whether the majority of readers find a comparison to what I see as the worst of the Wachowski's, all that insulting.) 

(Si--- Okay, even I have tired of this.)

Movie Review Little Children

Little Children (2006) 

Directed by Todd Field 

Written by Todd Field, Todd Perrotta 

Starring Patrick Wilson, Kate Winslet, Jennifer Connelly, Jackie Earl Haley, Noah Emmerich

Release Date October 6th, 2006

Published October 12th, 2006 

Before the release of his astonishing debut feature In The Bedroom writer director Todd Field was an anonymous actor best known for a small role as a piano player in Stanley Kubrick's final film Eyes Wide Shut. Field has said that it was that experience watching Stanley Kubrick, getting to ask the master questions and peer over his shoulder that inspired him to move ahead with In The Bedroom.

As life changing experiences go, that's a pretty good one. Now with his second feature Little Children, Todd Field cements his rising auteur status with another self assured examination of suburban angst that is part American Beauty but all Todd Field.

Kate Winslet heads a terrific ensemble in Little Children as  Sarah, a bored housewife trapped in a lousy marriage with a three year old daughter she simply can't connect with. Sarah spends her days with her daughter, watching her play alone as other kids run around. Sarah sits to the side listening to the clucking of fellow stay at home moms who dote on their kids and make catty comments about strangers.

Then in walks the prom king, a nickname given to a handsome young stay at home dad none of the mothers has the nerve to talk to. His name is Brad (Patrick Wilson) and to break up the monotony of her routine, Sarah decides to engage him. The meeting goes further than either would have imagined as Sarah explains to Brad his nickname and the two of them decide to shock the other mothers with a hug and a kiss.

Brad is married to Kathy (Jennifer Connelly) a stunningly beautiful documentary filmmaker that any man would count himself lucky to be with. However, somehow he finds himself attracted to the far less striking, though not unattractive Sarah. The two began to spend time together taking their kids to the local pool and the park. Eventually the friendship becomes an affair and things begin to get out of control.

On the periphery of Sarah and Brad's relationship is the story of a sex offender who has moved into their neighborhood. His name is Ronald (Jackie Earl Haley) and though the nature of his crime is unknown, he is fresh from prison and on the sex offender list. A retired cop, and friend of Brad's, Larry (Noah Emmerich); has made protecting the neighborhood from Ronald his new mission in life. As you can probably imagine, this subplot is headed for an explosion that will collide with Sarah and Brad. There is however, nothing easily predicted about Little Children.

Field is an observant director who finds story in the details of peoples lives. His attention to detail in Little Children is at times darkly humorous, as in a scene where Winslet observes her fellow mothers with the eye of an anthropologist and it is heartbreaking as when Winslet and Wilson share that kiss in the park and find everything that has been missing in their mundane routine lives.

Suburban angst became quite fashionable after American Beauty won best picture. Suddenly, peeling back the veneer of those manicured lawns and white picket fences became a quick, clever shorthand for Hollywood writers. The results were often mere ripoffs. Todd Field's own In The bedroom was essentially one of those films and with its quiet dignity and devastating twists it broke the mold. Now with Little Children Field plows the same rich soil and once again delivers unique insight and characters.

Little Children is unexpectedly sexy as Winslet and Wilson engage in some of this years most erotic love scenes. These scenes have a sweat soaked intensity and emotional acuity that they go beyond being merely sexual in context and become dramatic expressions of angst, heartache and longing. So much modern movie sex is about the exposure of good looking actors, the love scenes in Little Children feel essential in getting to the core of these characters.

Kate Winslet is the standout of a terrific ensemble. Though dressed down to seem dowdy and bookish, Winslet remains effortlessly sexy and inviting. As Iris her eyes sparkle with intelligence wounded by years of underachievement. This is a woman who finds herself married and a mother and realizes that these are things she never wanted for herself. Her relationship with Brad is the one outlet she has for the angst of these realizations and that brings an intensity to the relationship that aches from the screen.

Patrick Wilson puts to rest the whining weakling performance from Phantom Of The Opera and shows a talent for playing a good looking cipher without it seeming like just another dumb actor not really actiing. Jackie Earl Haley rounds out the main cast with a devastating performance as Ronald the convicted child molester. This is a role of great depth and sadness and Haley plays it with a wounded animal's ferocity.

Little Children is a smart, darkly humorous and observant human drama that features career best performances from each of its ensemble players. With In The Bedroom and Little Children leading his resume he has cemented a burgeoning reputation as one of the next generation of auteurs. I can't wait to see what Todd Field does next.

Movie Review The Day the Earth Stood Still

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) 

Directed by Scott Derrickson

Written by David Scarpa

Starring Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Jaden Smith, Jon Hamm, Kathy Bates, Kyle Chandler

Release Date December 12th, 2008

Published December 12th, 2008

My fellow critics are being far too hard on the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still starring Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelly. Maybe it's fond memories of the 1951 Robert Wise original or maybe they are just grumpy, but my fellow critics have come out hard against this movie and I think they are overreacting. I will stipulate that from the standards of a traditional good movie vs bad movie standard The Day The Earth Stood Still is a bad movie. On the other hand, I think all of us knew that going in.

Keanu Reeves stars in The Day The Earth Stood Still as Klaatu, an alien from some unnamed universe collective. He has come to rescue the earth. From whom you might wonder. Autobots and Decepticons? No. The Borg Collective? No. Gremlins? No. No Klaatu is here to save the earth from you. You and me and your brother, mother, sister and cousin. Yes, humanity is a threat to the planet and if you can't pull that metaphor out of thin air, you really need to pick up a freakin' newspaper.

For the supremely dull, The Day The Earth Stood Still is an environmentalist parable. Humans are poisoning the planet and Klaatu is here to rescue it and the non-human inhabitants that are the earth's real friends. Standing in Klaatu's way is scientist Helen Benson (Jennifer Connelly). Well she isn't physically standing in his way but she does appoint herself the savior by trying to reason with the killer alien.

Helen and her supremely irritating son Jacob (Jaden 'Big Willie's kid' Smith) team up to show Klaatu that humanity can change, learn lessons and maybe stop killing the planet. All we need is a wake up call. How about the destruction of most of the eastern seaboard?

Kathy Bates, Jon Hamm and Kyle Chandler round out the rest of the main cast in inconsequential roles. Then again, there is little of consequence in the whole of The Day The Earth Stood Still. Which brings me to my central thesis. Despite the environmental parable, at its heart The Day The Earth Stood Still is not a message movie. This is pure popcorn entertainment. Director Scott Derrickson gets it. He focuses great attention on the special effects which even the most ardent haters admit are pretty cool. The tiny metal bugs that begin eating humanity are badass effects and that truck eating scene. Very Cool.

So what if the metaphor is obvious and Keanu is a total cheeseball and that the film is more blatant about cross promotion than your average commercial TV broadcast, we knew walking into this movie that great art was not in our future. What The Day The Earth Stood Still was meant to deliver and what it does deliver are eye catching effects and some unintentional humor. We got those things in spades. I laughed throughout and left the theater with a big smile on my face. This goofball, popcorn blockbuster is fast paced, fun and the effects are dynamite. To expect this movie to treat serious topics with serious intent is a fool's errand.

You walk in knowing this is a big dumb movie and that is part of what you get. You also get a kick out of just how big and dumb the movie is. The filmmakers may not have meant to make me laugh and my smile at the end may have been somewhat ironic but so what. I truly enjoyed the experience of The Day The Earth Stood Still. How could I not recommend to you such a good time movie.

Movie Review The Dilemma

The Dilemma (2011) 

Directed by Ron Howard

Written by Allan Loeb

Starring Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder, Jennifer Connelly, Channing Tatum

Release Date January 14th, 2011

Published January 14th, 2011 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my job is to talk about the movie “The Dilemma” but I'm not so much interested in this movie as I am in the fact that Jennifer Connelly, excuse me, OSCAR WINNER JENNIFER CONNELLY, is the fourth lead in a bad romantic comedy. This, I guess, shouldn't be news; she was after all the sixth lead in the far worse romantic crime “He's Just Not That into You,” but the sad trajectory of Connelly's career since her Oscar win for “A Beautiful Mind” is a strong parallel to the struggles of this well meaning but failing movie.

In “The Dilemma” Jennifer Connelly plays a Chef who is living with Vince Vaughn's typical commitment-phobic smooth talker, this time named Ronnie. It is Ms. Connelly's job to look concerned and be constantly confused by Mr. Vaughn's increasingly bizarre actions related possibly to a gambling problem he's had for years. That's what Connelly's Beth thinks anyway. Sadly, Ms. Connelly is introduced and then forced to the sidelines for most of the second act before returning for the third act in an even more diminished and forgettable fashion. 

The reality is that Ronnie has discovered that his best friend's wife, Geneva (Winona Ryder), is sneaking around with a young, tattooed stud (Channing Tatum) . Ronnie discovered the secret but when he confronted Geneva about it she threatened to lie and say Ronnie has been flirting with her. Geneva also has a blackmail secret that she hangs over Ronnie's head but none of this really matters, it's merely a way to keep the plot wheels spinning after the 'Dilemma' of the title is revealed.

Thus Ronnie sets about trying to tell Nick (Kevin James) that Geneva is cheating on him without actually telling him. This leads to a lot of sitcom level shenanigans where Ronnie tries to manufacture a scenario where Nick can catch Geneva in the act, thus relieving him of the burden of this secret. That idea has comic invention to it but it never elicits any laughs. Instead, the turgid direction of Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn's sweaty, shifty performance make the movie feel desperate as it fails to get laugh after laughter and potential laugh. 

Failing to find a tone between comedy and drama, “The Dilemma” flails about between the professional direction of Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn's sad attempts to continue his aging brand of fast talking, Peter Pan Complex humor. Certainly there is a middle ground between Howard and Vaughn but they never find it here and their styles clash like a head on collision.

The styles clash in the career of Jennifer Connelly have come as she has tried to keep one hand in the mainstream in films like “The Hulk” and “Dark Water” and one in the world of serious dramas with roles in “Little Children,” “House of Sand and Fog” and “Reservation Road.” Neither path has worked for Connelly, now she finds herself fourth name down below stars with half her talent.

Maybe it was the decision to suborn herself to the girlfriend role in “The Hulk, thus showing herself willing to accept less than equal billing with male co-stars of lesser star power, or maybe it was the failure of her first solo lead in “Dark Water,” something caused Jennifer Connelly to stop believing in herself and begin believing that she deserves 5th wheel roles like Beth in “The Dilemma.”

Before the release of “The Dilemma” I wrote a piece on the ‘Dilemma’ facing Vince Vaughn as his aging man-boy persona begins to fade. A similar dilemma seems to be afflicting Ms. Connelly except that she seems far more accepting of her sad fate. You can see it in her listless performance in “The Dilemma” and in her acceptance of material that would likely leave any actress a little bored.

Ms. Connelly you are better than this. Stop letting Hollywood dictate to you that you are not strong enough for anything more than the 4th lead in a crappy movie like “The Dilemma.” Flash that hardware around and find some indie movie producer who can give you the kinds of roles that excite you in ways this role clearly does not.

Movie Review Reservation Road

Reservation Road (2007) 

Directed by Terry George 

Written by John Burnham Schwartz, Terry George 

Starring Mark Ruffalo, Joaquin Phoenix, Jennifer Connelly, Mira Sorvino

Release Date October 19th, 2007

Published October 26th, 2007

Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Ruffalo engage in a suffering contest in the hit and run drama Reservation. Directed by Oscar nominee Terry George, Joaquin Phoenix stars as Professor Ethan Learner whose son is killed in a hit and run accident. The driver of the blue SUV that drove away into the night after killing the 10 year old boy was Dwight Arnow, a lawyer who was simply driving his son home after a game at Fenway Park. Dwight is divorced and at the time of the accident was answering yet another cell phone call from his ex-wife wanting to know when their son would be brought home.

Leaving the scene of the accident and returning home, Dwight hides his damaged car in his garage. He heads to work the next day in an attempt to pretend nothing is wrong. Meanwhile, Ethan is dealing with the police and finding that there is little that he can do besides suffer. Growing ever more frustrated with the glacial pace of the investigation, Ethan decides to hire lawyers to keep the fire burning under the police. In an unlikely, ironic twist Ethan hires Dwight’s law firm and Dwight’s boss assigns the case to him. Now Dwight is in a perfect position to get away with his crime except that his client is more diligent and determined than most and it’s clear some sort of confrontation must ensue.

Directed by Terry George and adapted by George and author John Burnham Schwarz from Schwarz’s award winning novel, Reservation Road stretches credulity to continuously place Dwight and Ethan on a collision course. As the film begins we are treated to a moving drama about loss, guilt, sadness and despair. Unfortunately, as the story is stretched and twisted to place Dwight in Ethan’s employ and interconnect them in other unlikely ways, the film slowly evolves into a weak suspense thriller. Dark, soulful performances by Phoenix and Ruffalo are wasted as George and Schwartz succumb to the mainstream pressure to make this story something it is not.

Reservation Road should not be a suspense thriller. This is a movie about sadness and loss, fathers and sons, guilt and innocence and the random nature of life. Things that happen in an instance can change lives forever. These are extraordinary themes, more than enough ammunition for a great drama. Combined with a cast of Oscar nominees and winners, Jennifer Connelly and Mira Sorvino join Phoenix and Ruffalo, the themes of Reservation Road should be more than enough to fill a very good movie. Sadly, the crass, commercial pressures of the movie business act upon Reservation Road and turn this moving drama into something people can chomp popcorn to.

Step by step as the film turns away from its dramatic core, it becomes more and more ludicrous and overwrought and it is truly, truly ashamed. With a little more care and concern, Reservation Road could have been something extraordinary.

Movie Review House of Sand and Fog

House of Sand and Fog (2003) 

Directed by Vadim Perelman 

Written by Shawn Lawrence Otto, Vadim Perelman

Starring Ben Kingsley, Shoreh Aghdashloo, Jennifer Connelly, Frances Fisher, Ron Eldard

Release Date December 19th, 2003 

Published December 17th, 2003 

This time of year we hear a lot of talk about so-called prestige pictures. Art films with opulent production design, heavy on the period detail and generally perceived as over the head of the average filmgoer. With a title like House of Sand and Fog, a pedigree that involves the adaptation of a National Book Award finalist and a starring duo of Oscar winners, it's not surprising that the perception of prestige is all over this film. Look deeper however, and you find a surprisingly populist picture. An Oprah Book Club selection and a bestseller. Also, you’ll find a story that is very compelling even if it is over the head of many filmgoers.

Jennifer Connelly stars as Kathy Lazaro, a recovering alcoholic and drug abuser who's only asset in the world is the home left to her by her late father. That however is taken from her when the city government sends cops to her home to evict her over a tax debt. The debt is bogus but unfortunately, Kathy hasn't bothered to open her mail in weeks and thus it will take months to sort out the problem.

In the meantime, her home is quickly sold to an Iranian immigrant, a former Colonel in the Iranian army named Amir Behrani (Ben Kingsley). The Colonel and his family, wife Nadi (Shohreh Aghdashloo) and son Esmail (Jonathan Adhout), see the home as a mirror of their home in Iran that was on the coast of the Caspian Sea. Amir also sees it as an investment that, if fixed up, could be resold for three times its worth.

With the help of a legal aid lawyer played by Frances Fisher, Kathy is working to get her house back. After some back and forth wrangling, it's agreed that if Kathy can convince the Behrani's to sell the house back to the city for what he paid, then they can give it back to Kathy. Meanwhile, Kathy is being cared for by one of the cops who helped her move out, Deputy Lester Burdon (Ron Eldard). In a short time, the deputy has fallen for Kathy, has left his wife and family to care for her, and is willing to risk his job to help her get the house back.

All of this mundanely sets the table for some very compelling drama well strung together by Writer-Director Vadim Perelman. Having adapted a book by Andre Dubus, Perelman lends the story a visual style that evokes the title of the film without being heavy handed. The title is a double metaphor that ties the story together.

The performances of Ben Kingsley and Jennifer Connelly are the strong points of the film and the Oscar winners are once again award-worthy. Kingsley is especially powerful as the deposed Colonel. Prone to violent outbursts and amazing compassion all brought about by his deep, religious faith. For a good portion of the film, he seems to be the villain but as the film winds to it's inevitably tragic conclusion, Kingsley's performance becomes the emotional center of the film and draws tears without forcing them.

As for Connelly, she is every bit as strong as Kingsley is, She infuses Kathy with the sadness and longing that wins our sympathy even as she acts in less than likable fashion. Her performance is all the stronger for having to carry the lunkheaded Ron Eldard as her love interest. Eldard plays Lester as the dumbest cop on the force. His performance is the weakest of the film and unfortunately, somewhat pivotal near the end. Thankfully, the film does not collapse because of him. Props to Director Perelman for getting the film to its astonishing and powerful finale even as Eldard's performance sinks.

Be sure to bring your antidepressants because as one of my fellow critics said after the screening, House of Sand and Fog may be the most depressing film of the year. Indeed, there is very little light in the film. It works because even depressing emotion can be cathartic and House earns it's awesomely cathartic and emotional ending. The label prestige picture is well earned by this emotional film.

Movie Review He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You (2009) 

Directed by Ken Kwapis 

Written by Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein 

Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly Bradley Cooper, Justin Long 

Release Date February 6th, 2009 

Published February 5th, 2009

A book based on a line of dialogue from a TV show goes on to become a massive bestseller and adapted into a major motion picture. Shouldn't the TV writer get the credit? After all, Michael Patrick King, the Sex and the City writer and his staff, were the ones who came up with this bit of mini insight. Comedian 

Greg Behrendt merely filled in the margins around that line with banal generalizations, a few John Gray Mars and Venus cribs, and humor aimed at the lifeless Lifetime TV movie crowd. It was that episode of Sex and the City about Berger telling Miranda what men really think that had the 'He's Just Not That Into You' epiphany.

And let's be real here. There was more insight into relationships in that one 22 minute Sex and the City episode than there are in the 300 some pages of Greg Behrendt's book and the nearly 2 hour movie based on it. Skip the movie and the book, let's watch Sex and the City. Unfortunately, I had to see the movie and what a chore it is. Despite one of the most impressive casts this side of a Love Boat-Fantasy Island crossover episode, He's Just Not That Into is a brutal exercise in monotonous, whiny neuroses. If I wanted that I would tape my therapy sessions.

Ginnifer Goodwin is the ostensible lead of He's Just Not That Into You and the poor girl makes a sad, sad spectacle of herself as Gigi the whiniest and most neurotic of a cast full of whiny neurotics. Her Gigi can barely read street signs, forget the subtle signals of human interaction. When she goes out on a semi-decent date with Conor (Kevin Connelly) she seems normal, just a little clueless about the signs that he isn't really that into her. Later, as she waits for him to call for another date she spends endless, ear splitting minutes detailing exactly why she is certain he will call again, including a mind numbing dissertation on the banal phrase 'Nice meeting you'.

Needless to say, Conor doesn't call back. That however may or may not have anything to do with the supremely needy vibe that Gigi puts out, but because he is obsessed with Anna (Scarlett Johansson) a girl he slept with once and now hangs out with while not getting any anymore. He cannot understand why they aren't sleeping together anymore even though they still hang out. Anyone else want to wack this guy with a baseball bat? With his pal Alex (Justin Long) he rehashes a brief conversation he had with Anna over the phone, who he called right after his date with Gigi, and how she said she would call him right back but didn't.

Anna, you see, was at a grocery store and struck up a flirtation with Ben (Bradley Cooper) just as Conor was calling. She jumped off the phone with Conor despite the wedding ring on Ben's finger. Further, despite that ring, she pushes the flirting, getting his card ostensibly so he can pass it along to an agent friend of his, she's a singer. Ben is able to control himself for a little while though he and his wife Janine (Jennifer Connelly) have been arguing throughout the massive redecoration of their new home. She wants to talk tile patterns and whether he has actually quit smoking and he just wants to have sex with Anna.

All of these various troubled relationships are presented in the most general fashion with little character development and no really interesting dialogue. Director Ken Kwapis and writers Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein definitely do justice to Greg Behrendt's book but in so doing, they are left with the same lackluster, limp dating advice that populates that absurdly popular book. Kwapis is a terrific television director, he's done some fine work with The Office but in features, yeesh. His resume includes Beautician and the Beast and, ugh, License To Wed.

Then again, he also directed the original Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants which is a movie of great warmth, humor and empathy, all of which is absent from He's Just Not That Into You. Then again, Sisterhood is based on a much better book than He's Just Not That Into You. Not that I have read Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, I have read He's Just Not That Into You and I feel very comfortable making the assumption. Ken Kwapis has some talent, how he has made such terrible films, and one pretty good one, remains a mystery to me.

Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore round out the all star cast of He's Just Not That Into You and they seem like they may be in entirely different movies. Affleck and Aniston actually escape the dreary humor free children mincing their way through this abyss of stupidity that is He's Just Not That Into You. As a couple who've been together for seven years without getting married they are saddled with the same mindless problems of the rest of the cast but they are onscreen so little and neither allows for any real whining about their problems, they miss out on the sad fates of the rest of the cast.

Poor Drew Barrymore arguably gets it the worst of anyone in arguably the smallest role in the movie. Shoehorned into the plot as Anna's best friend, Drew has a technology problem. With her MySpace page, her cellphone, her home phone, her work phone, her home email, her work email, she has to check every one every few minutes to get updates on her latest relationship. It's exhausting to be rejected in so many forms and she longs for the days of an answering machine. Ugh! Can someone just get this girl a blackberry? An IPhone? Something! Honestly, if modern tech is this hard for you, just give up. Go live in a cave somewhere.

And Drew's role is minuscule compared to Ginnifer Goodwin's Gigi who, if she were a real person, would likely have died from forgetting how to breathe. This is one of the most dull witted characters ever brought to the screen. I like Goodwin, she's an attractive girl who I know is not this mentally challenged. The character she is saddled with in He's Just Not That Into You is a flibbertigibbet moron who could barely read traffic signals, forget body language or even a direct answer from a guy telling her he is never going to call her.

Ladies, this movie is meant for you and the people who made it think that Gigi represents you. They think all of these ludicrous, brain-dead morons stand in for a type that you can relate to. This is what Hollywood thinks of you. If that is not a massive insult I don't know what is. Granted, the men in this movie don't get off easy, Kevin Connelly's Conor is pathetic beyond words, Bradley Cooper's Ben is pathetic and a jerk and Justin Long's Alex is arguably more clueless than anyone else in the film, likely because he is the stand in for Author Behrendt, as the advice giver of the group.

It is Alex who advises Gigi, regarding Conor, that 'He's Just Not That Into You' and fails to communicate that to her because he wasn't writing it on a brick and clubbing her with it repeatedly. His banal generalities about why men do what they do and why women don't get it are the thesis statement of He's Just Not That Into You and they boil down to nothing more insightful than that simpleminded title.

Movie Review: The Hulk

The Hulk (2003) 

Directed by Ang Lee 

Written by James Schamus, Michael France, John Turman 

Starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott, Nick Nolte, Josh Lucas 

Release Date June 20th, 2003 

Published June 19th, 2003 

I don't know much about the comic book version of The Hulk. My only exposure to the big green guy is the goofy live action TV version in which Bill Bixby turned into a green-painted Lou Ferrigno. I'm not familiar with the comic book mythos, his origin story, his powers, and especially his heroic purpose. I'm sure the comic has a dramatic force to it, something that the Incredible Hulk seeks, a goal he hopes to achieve. It is that goal that is missing from Ang Lee's The Hulk, a listless superhero movie without a real hero.

The film version of Hulk's origin begins with Bruce Banner's father David (Nick Nolte, looking worse than his recent mugshot). David is a military scientist working on some potion that, according to the military, is too dangerous to test on humans. Undeterred, David Banner tests the potion on himself. We are not certain what was accomplished until David and his wife have their first child Bruce, who has inherited his father’s altered genetics. David soon realizes he made a terrible mistake, but before he can find a cure for his son, the military shuts him down. So David blows up the facility and returns home where something really bad happens. It's clear to the audience, but young Bruce blocks the memory.

Flash forward and Bruce, in the person of Black Hawk Down's Eric Bana, is working as a scientist on a military base. With his ex-girlfriend Betty Ross and another classmate, Bruce is unknowingly working on the same project his father had begun years earlier, an experiment that uses gamma rays to heal injuries without surgery. What Bruce doesn't know is that his father is back from prison. David Banner has taken a job as a janitor in the lab, not only to see his son but to take revenge on the man who shut down his lab, General Ross (Sam Elliot). Oh, and the General is also Betty's father.

When Bruce's experiment goes bad, he is accidentally sprayed with gamma rays unleashing his heretofore unknown alter ego. Seeing his son for the first time as the Hulk, David Banner sees an opportunity to get his revenge on General Ross. He will manipulate his son's alter ego into destroying everything. That is the basic plot as I understood it, though there is also a quick bit with a military contractor named Talbot (Josh Lucas) who wants to harvest the Hulk's DNA to create super soldiers. However, that is an ineffectual afterthought in a plot full of afterthoughts.

Initially, when I heard director Ang Lee was going to make a so-called art house super hero movie I was excited about the possibility. I was thinking Jekyll and Hyde, a little Frankenstein, maybe even Freud. Unfortunately, I got some of what I was hoping for and I didn't like it. Lee lost the real idea that drives super hero movies and that is escapism. Lee's Hulk is so tortured that I'd rather see him in counseling than a movie. There is this protracted plot point about Bruce's repressed memories of childhood. Specifically about the day his father blew up the army lab. Though we in the audience know exactly what happened, Bruce has blocked it out. The director drags it out so far that we are left screaming the memory at The Hulk. The frustration of waiting for Bruce to unclog his memory lasts almost to the very end of the film.

One of the many problems with The Hulk is its casting of Eric Bana as Bruce Banner and the CGI face of the Hulk. Bana, who was so charismatic and exciting in Black Hawk Down, appears to have had his personality removed. This is likely due to a script that rushes him along even while he sulks like a tortured artist. Bana never communicates anything other than painful exasperation throughout the entirety of The Hulk. Maybe he was attempting to mimic the audience.

My major problem with The Hulk is that there really isn't much of a plot. The Hulk isn't the least bit heroic, save for his fight to save Betty from some vicious genetically-enhanced dogs. For the most part, I was sympathizing with the film’s supposed bad guy, Sam Elliot's General Ross. The General does what any right thinking person would do when a giant superhuman begins going around smashing things and hurting people, he tries to kill it.

Then there is the CGI effects that bring the Hulk to life. Ugh! Sadly the concerns that fans had after the poor showing in the Super Bowl commercial back in January were confirmed. The Hulk never looks like anymore than a video game character. Bana's dull facial expressions on the CGI mug don't help much. It's impressive that a CGI character could be so well integrated into the real life backgrounds but I was far more impressed with the CGI realism in Shrek, where the technology really seemed to be at its peak. Would I have been happier with a big green painted professional wrestler as The Hulk? No, it was dopey looking on the 70's TV show and it would be even dopier now, but this CGI is only slightly more satisfying. 

What The Hulk truly lacks though is dramatic purpose. The film is so wrapped up in Bruce Banner's psychology and Hulk's CGI appearance that they seemingly forgot to give the character something to strive for. Is he looking to cure himself of the Hulk? Does he want to be a superhero? Does he strive to control his new self in order to become a hero? I never understood the reason why I should care about The Hulk. And thus I didn't.