Movie Review Law Abiding Citizen

Law Abiding Citizen (2009) 

Directed by F. Gary Gray

Written by Kurt Wimmer

Starring Gerard Butler, Jamie Foxx, Bruce McGill, Colm Meaney, Regina Hall

Release Date October 16th, 2009 

Few genres turn out the kind of mind numbingly dull-witted tripe that the action thriller genre does. It's the most prominent genre among the direct to DVD market because it's easy to script and craft. Take one all knowing baddie. Give him an unending budget. Give him a flawed but honorable adversary with less means but as much wit. Then just add explosions and a predictable ending and you're done.

Director F. Gary Gray sticks close to the formula with Law Abiding Citizen, a film that would be prime for the direct to DVD market if Jamie Foxx hadn't won an Oscar and if Hollywood weren't determined to convince us all how much we love Gerard Butler.

Butler is the ostensible star of Law Abiding Citizen as Clyde Shelton. One night as Clyde is hanging out with his wife and daughter there is a knock at the door. When Clyde answers he's met with a baseball bat to the skull. Two men invade his home, tie him up, stab him and leave him to watch as they do the same and worse to his wife and as he passes into unconsciousness, his daughter is killed.

Months later, the home invaders are under arrest but one arrogant, conviction rate concerned, ADA, Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx), decides that there isn't enough evidence to convict them both. He takes a deal that will send one man to the death chamber and the other to a stunningly brief sentence. Worst of all, the wrong one is going to his death.

Clyde is devastated and for the next ten years he dedicates himself to revenge. On the day that one of the attackers is to be executed, Clyde makes his move. Soon the other, nastier man, now out of prison, is also dead and Clyde isn't finished. Under arrest for murder, Clyde sets in motion revenge against Nick and anyone else who compromised justice.

There are effective moments in Law Abiding Citizen. One of those moments involves a deadly cellphone. Another is an unexpected use of a T-bone. Both moments are explosively violent, more in the vein of a horror film than your average action thriller. These violent moments are far more interesting than Clyde's exceptionally contrived gambits of revenge.

Let's just say don't piss off a gadget guy with unlimited funds and the muscled physique of Gerard Butler. Speaking of Mr. Butler, why do movies insist on having Butler speak with an American accent? He can't do it. He sounds ridiculous and having his natural accent would do nothing to change the character. If producers somehow think this mumbling American accent makes him more relatable, their very wrong. Indeed, it's quite off-putting.

Jamie Foxx is desperately miscast in Law Abiding Citizen. Restraining every comic instinct he has, Foxx deadens his natural charisma in favor of a stoic arrogance that damn near makes Butler's psycho look appealing in comparison. Much of the plot rides on Foxx's Nick being an egotistical idiotic who simply cannot admit when he's wrong. If that sounds thrilling to you, or at all compelling, maybe you'll like this movie.

I hated much of this movie. Aside from the brief, violent flourishes, Law Abiding Citizen is a slow witted, predictable action thriller that replaces nerve and guts with arrogance and psychosis. That may work for the direct to DVD market but I want more out of my theater ticket.

Chasing Mavericks' and the Sad History of the Surfer Movie

Chasing Mavericks (2012) 

Directed by Curtis Hanson, Michael Apted

Written by Kario Salem

Starring Gerard Butler, Jonny Weston, Elisabeth Shue, Abigail Spencer

Release Date October 26th, 2012 

Fact, there has never been a great surfing movie. For all the popularity of the sport of surfing, Hollywood has never been able to take it seriously or treat with comic distance in any memorable. Sure, a few documentaries have approached the subject and come away watchable but when you have to go back to the late sixties hippy surfer doc "Endless Summer" to cite an example of a modestly entertaining surf movie, you're really proving the point of this article.

With the surfer drama "Chasing Mavericks" riding the curl into theaters this month it's a good time as any to reflect on the forgettable history of the surfer movie.

Frankie and Annette

The first inklings of surfing on the big screen came in the Frankie Avalon-Annette Funnicello beach movies of the early 1960's. Granted, it's a stretch to call these surf movies, as surfing as only glimpsed and not truly the subject, we can see the surfer archetype taking shape in these films and for that they are notable here.

Point Break

There is a fair argument to be made that "Point Break" starring Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves is the best-known surfing movie of all time. Yes, the film is really about bank robbers who happen to be surfers but ask a modern movie fan about surfing in movies and you will inevitably raise the topic of "Point Break." That "Point Break" is also best known as the smelliest of B-movie cheese only serves to underline my point about surfing movies.

Maudlin Drama

While I can't say for sure that "Chasing Mavericks" falls into the category of maudlin drama, the film's trailer does hue in that direction. The maudlin drama is a popular form for the surfing movie yielding the 1987 tear-jerker "North Shore" and the 2011, based on a true story, heart-tugger "Soul Surfer as well as the least interesting parts of the Kate Bosworth eye candy flick "Blue Crush." Notice that none of these movies rises immediately to mind even as they are the rare movies to take surfing seriously.

The Best Surf Movie?

The one film that ever approached being a good surfing movie happens to be an animated movie about penguins. "Surf's Up" featuring the voices of Shia Le Beouf as a wannabe surfer and Jeff Bridges as his grumpy yet goofy mentor is at the very least fun to look at with bright colors and fluid animation (pun intended). "Surf's Up" is probably the best surfing movie since "Endless Summer," even as that doesn't ring up as high praise. "Surf's Up" is achingly conventional and eye-rollingly predictable but in the surf genre it's not hard to set the bar.

Movie Review Kandahar

Kandahar (2023) 

Directed by Ric Roman Waugh

Written by Mitchell LaFortune 

Starring Gerard Butler, Navid Negahban 

Release Date May 26th, 2023

Published May 24th, 2023 

Is Kandahar a good movie actually? I am not sure. As a film critic, I've seen so many terrible movies starring Gerard Butler and many awful, racist, terrible movies set in the middle east. I am kind of numb to both Butler and the tropes of middle east set thrillers. And yet, I don't feel like I hated Kandahar. The film moves as a terrific pace, the action makes sense, the stereotypes are tempered by a relative even-handedness that criticizes American meddling in the middle east and the necessity American intelligence has to monitor the potential for uprisings that could threaten not just middle eastern security, but world security. 

You can argue in the comments about your opinions of American intervention in the middle east, the politics, the greed involved, the corporate interests and so on. The bottom line is, Kandahar seems to give a fair perspective on the matter while telling a compelling story of survival via the tropes of an action movie. The movie pivots on an American mission in Iran that destroys a massive part of Iranian infrastructure related to the Iranian nuclear program. Intelligence regarding who was behind the mission is leaked to other middle eastern countries and it places the CIA Agent at the heart of the mission in great peril. 

Gerard Butler stars in Kandahar as Tom Harris. Having posed as a phone company operative, he's actually used access to Iranian infrastructure to plant a bomb. In a tense scene, he narrowly misses blowing his cover through a clever bit of misdirection involving his phone, faster internet, and soccer. This set piece sets a tense tone that will rarely let up throughout the rest of Kandahar. Having narrowly escaped with his life, Tom looks to be headed home where his wife is waiting with divorce papers. He does have a welcome home from his young daughter waiting for him but when a fellow middle eastern operative, played by Travis Fimmel, offers him a mission that could pay for his daughter's college, he delays the trip home. 

This is a fateful choice. Just as soon as Harris is on the ground in Kandahar, investigating the disappearance of several female teachers taken hostage by rogue Taliban forces, Harris' cover is blown worldwide. A leak of documents has exposed CIA operations across the middle east, including, and especially, Tom's mission in Iran. Now, Tom, along with his interpreter, played by Navid Negahban, are being hunted by several opposing middle eastern interests, each with their own motivation for wanting to capture and kill the American spy and his interpreter. 

The key thing that I was moved by in Kandahar was the relationship that builds slowly between Butler and Negahban. There are elements here that we've seen before but Negahban is a very compelling actor whose presence seems to smooth out some of Butler's meathead tendencies. He's still mostly just a killing machine, but the story brings a bit of unforced nuance to Butler's motivations and his growing connection to Negahban is a strong root for the survival story. Director Ric Roman Waugh, whose work I have never cared for before, smartly builds a couple of dramatic set pieces that genuinely got my pulse racing. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Movie Review Plane

Plane (2023) 

Directed by Jean Francois Richet 

Written by Charles Cumming, J.P Davis 

Starring Gerard Butler, Mike Colter, Tony Goldwyn 

Release Date January 13th, 2023 

Published January 13th, 2023

Plane stars Gerard Butler as Brodie Torrance, a commercial pilot on a fateful plane flight. Brodie is piloting a flight from Malaysia to Tokyo with plans for himself to go on from there to Hawaii to meet his daughter. Of course, this is a movie, we know that meeting will not happen as planned. Nope, Brodie Torrance is in for a rough flight, one that begins with bad weather, his plane being struck by lightning, a narrowly avoided crash, and a kidnapping of his relatively small number of passengers plus crew members. 

After surviving his plane having lost its electronics and much of its fuel, Brodie Torrance has to navigate a jungle on an unknown island where criminals and mercenaries have taken up residence and use any foreign visitors as currency on a worldwide kidnapping market. Somehow, with no radio or cell service, Brodie must rescue his passengers and get them safely off of the island. He's joined by a former soldier and current arrestee for murder, Louis Gaspare (Mike Colter), who was being extradited for his alleged crime until the plane went down. Now, he's Brodie's only ally. 

Meanwhile, at the headquarters of the generically named airline, the CEO has called in a fixer. Tony Goldwyn lights up the movie Plane with a charismatic if rather rote performance as Scarsdale, a man who can make things happen for the right price. Scarsdale is the boss of a group of mercenaries for hire who work outside the law to fix P.R problems for major corporations around the globe. That might sound unethical but these guys are the true heroes of Plane as they swoop in to perform the rescue that Brodie and Louis get started. 

As for the baddies, they are a group of nameless, generic, terrorists, vaguely racist caricatures, living in squalor and using human beings as currency. They exist to shoot guns at the good guys and die unmourned deaths. That they perform this task well or not is not important, they are fodder for a Hollywood action movie and could just as easily be replaced by CGI aliens or robots and have the exact same impact on the story. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here. 

Movie Review Hunter Killer

Hunter Killer (2018) 

Directed by Donovan Marsh

Written by Arne Schmidt, Jamie Moss

Starring Gerard Butler, Gary Oldman, Common, Linda Cardellini, Toby Stephens 

Release Date October 26th, 2018

Published October 26th, 2018

Hunter Killer stars Gerard Butler as submarine commander Joe Glass. Glass has just been handed his very first command, aboard the USS Arkansas at a most inopportune moment. It is Joe’s task to take his hunter killer class sub crew into heavily guarded Russian territory and find out what happened to another hunter killer class sub which was sunk in the area, assumedly by a Russian sub that was also downed in the fight. 

What Joe and his crew find is something quite unexpected, both subs appear to have been attacked not by each other but by a third sub which subsequently begins attacking Joe’s sub. The Arkansas survives this encounter but having just sent another Russian sub to the bottom of the ocean, the international incident they were investigating may be exploding into World War 3 unless Joe can quickly figure out why this Russian sub has gone rogue. 

Meanwhile, back in Washington D.C, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Charles Donnegan (Gary Oldman) has tasked Rear Admiral John Fisk with sending a team of Green Berets into Russian territory so they can get close to where the Russian President Zakarin (Alexander Diachenko) and his top military secretary, Admiral Durov (Michael Gor) are holed up near where the subs have been downed. 

What the Green Berets, led by Bill Beaman (Toby Stephens) , find is that there is a coup in process, the Russian President is the hostage of his top military secretary and the secretary is bent on starting World War 3. Now three arms of the American military, along with an advisor from the NSA (Linda Cardellini) must work together to come up with a plan to rescue the Russian President and avert World War 3. 

I must admit, that sounds like a pretty great description of a first person shooter video game. Sadly, Hunter Killer is a movie and thus not nearly as much fun. Hunter Killer is the latest in a long line of lunkheaded military rehashes from Millennium Entertainment, the group that rescued Gerard Butler from the Hollywood ash heap and given him a second act as the purest example of lunkheaded, ill-conceived 80’s action movies, the new millennium Michael Dudikoff. 

For those not among the 10 people who got that Michael Dudikoff reference, Dudikoff was the bargain action hero of Cannon Films, the group behind such glorious 80’s cheese as American Ninja, Avenging Force and the Missing in Action Franchise. Those examples should give you a good idea of the quality of Hunter Killer, we’re not talking high end action here, we’re talking about the kind of slapdash trash that used to go directly to drive-ins and eventually, directly to VHS. 

Hunter Killer is supremely dumb and not in a fun way. Rather, Hunter Killer is dumb in the most boringly competent ways imaginable. Hunter Killer was directed by a newcomer named Donovan Marsh who is just inexperienced enough and just talented enough to miss the point of the movie he’s making. He doesn’t appear to understand that Hunter Killer is cheesy and thus he commits to the idea with all his talent, not realizing that everyone in the cast knows they’re working on something cheap and disposable. They know the company they’re working for. 

Butler and Oldman have worked with Millennium Entertainment for years. Butler is there because Millennium was the only company willing to touch him after his toxic run of bombs from 2008 to 2011 that culminated with him playing a leprechaun in an almost career endingly bad segment of Movie 43. Oldman worked with Millennium because his name was just big enough to work on the box cover of a direct to DVD crime movie and their checks weren’t bouncing. 

No surprise to learn that Hunter Killer was on the shelf for a while before Oldman re-established himself among the Hollywood elite with his Academy Award winning performance in Darkest Hour. Hunter Killer is the kind of movie that if it had come out around Oscar time last year it might have cost him Best Actor just as many speculated that Norbit cast Eddie Murphy Best Supporting Actor by arriving around the time he was nominated for Dreamgirls. 

We know Hunter Killer has been moldering on the shelf for a while because one of the supporting actors, Michael Nyqvist died more than 18 months ago. It’s tragic that a fine, under-recognized pro like Nyqvist has Hunter Killer as the last thing on his resume but at least he was gone before the world had seen what a terrible film he’d closed his fine career with. Here’s hoping he was well compensated. 

I realize that some people enjoy this stinky cheese of a movie but it’s definitely not for me. Butler is his usually dopey self, swaggering about spitting nonsense dialogue in his god-awful American accent. He doesn’t appear to care that he’s not acting but caricaturing American swagger in the most unfunny way possible. It’s hard to know if I pity Butler for his complete lack of talent or if I am meant to laugh at his dimwitted burlesque attempt at bringing back the 80’s action movie. 

Hunter Killer is bad in a most bland and peculiar fashion. It’s not shot poorly, it’s inoffensive in that the jingoism is tempered by having so many foreigners lead the cast of this American action movie, Butler, Oldman, and Toby Stephens, are not Americans and appear to have no interest in selling America f*** Yeah attitude that a true 80’s action movie would. Had this film actually starred Michael Dudikoff it would have ended with him planting an American flag in the heart of the dead foreign secretary while American jets flew overhead dropping tiny American flags. 

I guess, in that sense, we can consider Hunter Killer restrained. Not any good, but restrained. Unfortunately that restraint keeps the movie too tasteful to be bad in a fun way. Instead, the film is bad for being deathly dull, populated by bored actors either over-performing or under-performing masculine military cliches and spouting nonsense jargon that sounds cool but comes off like boys playing with toys and not serious-minded military adults. 

Movie Review: The Ugly Truth

The Ugly Truth (2009) 

Directed by Robert Luketic

Written by Nicole Eastman, Kristen McCullah Lutz, Kristen Smith

Starring Katherine Heigl, Gerard Butler, Eric Winter, John Michael Higgins

Release Date July 24th, 2009 

Published July 25th, 2009 

I am a big fan of Katherine Heigl. She was pitch perfect as the hot girl romancing regular guy Seth Rogan in Knocked Up. And in last January's 27 Dresses Heigl brought energy, warmth and life to stale romantic comedy conventions. I'm sure she had similar intent when she decided to make The Ugly Truth.

Sadly, we all know about the path of good intentions. Katherine Heigl and co-star Gerard Bulter and director Robert Luketic certainly didn't set out to make a movie as blazingly awful as The Ugly Truth but at some point their good intentions were no match for dimwitted plotting and bizarrely misogynistic B.S that passes for character development.

In The Ugly Truth Katherine Heigl is a control freak Morning TV Producer whose show is in the tank. It is, for no good reason at all, hosted by a married couple (the wasted comic talents John Michael Higgins and Cheryl Hines) who bicker on an off the air, on the air somewhat more pleasantly.

The show is on the verge of being cancelled for Jerry Springer reruns when the station boss hires the boorish host of a misogynist cable access show. He is Gerard Butler and while he burps and cusses and calls women names we know he's a good guy deep down because he loves his conveniently placed, toe-headed nephew.

You don't need a map or even a pair of glasses to see where this plot is headed. She needs a good roll in the hay to get loosened up and he needs a good woman to reform his bad boy tendencies. Knowing this, the movie needs to invent believable and funny reasons to keep them apart. Unfortunately, believable and funny are both well out of this dimwitted movie's grasp.

The creaky, leaky plot of The Ugly Truth has Butler's bad boy playing Cyrano for Heigl's clutzy control freak so that she can land the man of her dreams, the supremely bland soap star Eric Winters. His method for getting the guy is advising Heigl to laugh at all of her man's jokes, wear tighter fitting clothes and fellate a hot dog.

Basically, she should indulge the ugly tendencies that all men have toward women but most try to hide behind manners and civility, two more qualities this movie could have used along side being funny and believable. Oh, that bit with the hot dog? That is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the low humor and generally foul behavior that passes for humor in The Ugly Truth.

Struggling through the morass of romantic comedy cliche and ugly low brow humor, The Ugly Truth lives up to half of its title, this is one ugly movie. The truth is that Katherine Heigl is far too talented to waste her time with this kind of trash. Kath? Fire your agent, or whoever advised you to even listen to The Ugly Truth.

Movie Review How to Train Your Dragon

How to Train Your Dragon (2010) 

Directed by Dean Deblois, Chris Sanders

Written by Will Davies, Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders

Starring Jay Baruchel, America Ferrara, Gerard Butler, Jonah Hill 

Release Date March 26th, 2010

Published March 26th, 2010

In any other year “How to Train Your Dragon” would be seen as the best animated film of the year. It has terrific characters, big laughs, a great big heart, fabulous animation and a killer behind the scenes story. In any other year that didn't feature a masterpiece the magnitude of “Toy Story 3,” “How to Train Your Dragon” would be an Animated Oscar shoo-in this is not, however, any other year.

“Toy Story 3” lifts the bar far higher than most animated films, indeed the folks at Pixar no matter what feature they release, original or sequel, just tend to do that. Let's not let that take away from the fabulous achievement that is How to Train Your Dragon, we will just have to find another way to honor it.

Hiccup (Jay Baruchel) is an inventive young man, thoughtful and ingenious. These however, are not the traits of a Viking. In the shadow of his mighty father, Stoick the Vast (Gerard Butler), Hiccup is a pipsqueak who needs to be protected from a fight rather than in the battle. This does not prevent Hiccup from dreaming of being a brave Viking, even developing clever devices that might help him overcome his slight stature with technology.

Hiccup's plan actually works, sort of. When the evil dragons fly to the village on one of their regular sheep raids, Hiccup rushes to a hilltop with one of his devices and uses it to bring down a mighty Night Fury dragon. Unfortunately, no one believes him. Ducking into the woods the following day, hoping to find evidence of his kill, Hiccup finds only an injured young dragon as harmless as a house pet.

After a few days of observing and working to get closer, Hiccup manages to develop communication with the dragon. This rapport develops into friendship and soon, a grand friendship that even includes dragon rides. Hiccup names the dragon Toothless for his lack of fiery breath and gentle soul.

Naturally, everyone in the village finds out about Toothless and most are skeptical, dragons are the enemy and have been for decades. Can Hiccup convince them that Toothless is really friendly? How will Hiccup’s dad take the news that his son is playing with a dragon? Will Hiccup be able to convince the gorgeous Astrid (America Ferrara) that Toothless is not just a pet but an ally?

These are the plot questions and each gets a succinct and satisfying answer. What is great about “How to Train Your Dragon” are the character touches that liven up scene after scene. The humor and heart of “How to Train Your Dragon” comes from these wonderfully vivid characters whose winning personalities make each scene a delight.

Jay Baruchel is perfectly cast as the voice of Hiccup. His real physical presence is a match for the animated Hiccup and likely lends to the way his voice seems just right for Hiccup. The same can be said of Gerard Butler whose brogue has always sounded Viking-esque, even in non-Viking roles. The guy sounds tough in romantic comedies.

The backstory of “How to Train Your Dragon” is downright mind-blowing.

From script to screen production on “How to Train Your Dragon” is said to have taken just over a year. The average computer animated feature, even from the pros at Pixar, takes twice that long. The gang behind “How to Train Your Dragon” did it in half the time and didn't sacrifice quality or character in the process.

Directors Dean DeBois and Chris Sanders moved heaven and earth to make this film under budget and on an extraordinary time crunch and never compromised. Working with writer Cressida Powell, on whose kids book the film is based and screenwriter William Davies, they found heart, soul and humor in their characters and brought it to the screen in record time.

With the help of Oscar winning Cinematographer Roger Deakins and a mind-blazingly talented animation team, DeBois and Sanders craft awesome visuals for both 2D and 3D presentation. This is even more staggering than the exceptional character work as this is the part that should have slowed the production. Instead, they found Deakins and with him the vision for whirling, twirling, fiery dragon battles that are the centerpiece of the final act.

In ..1973 a.. horse named Sham shattered the records at each of the three Triple Crown horse races. Why don't we know this? Sham finished second each time to Secretariat. In the race for best animated feature “How to Train Your Dragon” is Sham and “Toy Story 3” is Secretariat. Both are unbelievably great but only one will win. As I said before, we need some other way to honor “How to Train Your Dragon.” I suggest financial reward. Buy, don't rent, “How to Train Your Dragon” on DVD.

Movie Review The Bounty Hunter

The Bounty Hunter (2010) 

Directed by Andy Tennant

Written by Sarah Thorp

Starring Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler

Release Date March 19th, 2010

Published March 18th, 2010

Leave it to a movie as utterly insane and forgettable as The Bounty Hunter to make me search my critical soul. Though it is more likely a case of coincidental timing, I find myself reviewing this ludicrous Jennifer Aniston/Gerard Butler action comedy at a time when the world of film criticism is in turmoil.

Recently, top flight critics have been losing their jobs and that has led to a good deal of hand wringing, soul searching and a number of eulogies for professional criticism. For me, this conversation about the state of my business, the thing I truly love doing, writing about the movies, has me considering what kind of critic I am, what purpose I serve.

So many people over the years have asked me why I can't just watch a movie and leave it at that. My answer to that is that I love conversation and what better inspires conversation than a good or bad movie. I review movies to be part of a conversation that has, thanks to the web, spread across the world.

My theory about the movies is that they should do something to improve the lives of the people giving up their money and time to see them. When I feel that a film has failed to aspire to anything more than its own completion I get angry and that is where a bad review comes from.

A good review comes when I find something valuable in the experience. Whether the film is merely a passing entertainment or something that can transform the way we look at the world, each has in its way improved our lives if only for a minute or for the rest of our time on earth.

Some critics write because they like the sound of their own voice in their head as they type. Ok, all critics like that. I hope that I myself aspire to something more than my own self satisfaction. I hope that people read my words and am inspired to offer their own interpretation. If I can inspire a conversation, I feel that I have accomplished something.

With that, let's have a very brief conversation about The Bounty Hunter, a brainless, witless waste of screen time starring Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston. The inane story has Aniston's journalist blowing off court for a story and having a warrant issued for her arrest.

The warrant ends up in the hands of her ex-husband, a former cop turned bounty hunter who cannot believe his luck in getting to arrest his ex-wife. That's the joke. A dopey formerly married guy gets to arrest his ex-wife. It's a literal take on the old 'Take My Wife... Please,' vaudeville and the movie feels even older and creakier than a vaudeville routine. 

I hate wasting another word on the career decline of Jennifer Aniston but I must mention that, take away Marley and Me which was a minor pleasure, she has now starred in four movies that are not merely bad, they are dreadful. He's Just Not That Into You, Management, Love Happens and The Bounty Hunter comprise, arguably, the ugliest resume this side of Rob Schneider. 

As for Mr. Butler, Hollywood's continuing attempt to convince us he is a star fails miserably once again. On the heels of The Ugly Truth, Gamer and Law Abiding Citizen comes The Bounty Hunter as further proof that big pecs, a lopsided smile and an accent are apparently all it takes to be a movie star these days. 

I

 apologize for my snark. But as I was saying earlier, in my soul searching moments, I feel my time and yours is valuable and these two actors and this director have wasted more of my life than many others have. The Bounty Hunter inspired me to think about why I became a critic and why I love writing about movies. It happened to come along at a time when critics across the country are debating their role in the culture. 

My role, I feel, is to have this written conversation with you, dear reader, about a movie that I truly hated and why I hated it and why the actors involved have become such a burden to me. You can choose to ignore this conversation or engage in it. Here's hoping our next conversation will be about a movie we both love.

Movie Review: Angel Has Fallen

Angel Has Fallen (2019)

Directed by Ric Roman Waugh

Written by Robert Mark Kamen, Matt Cook, Ric Roman Waugh

Starring Gerard Butler, Morgan Freeman, Piper Perabo 

Release Date August 23rd, 2019 

Published August 22nd, 2019 

Angel Has Fallen stars Gerard Butler as Secret Service Agent, Mike Banning. Banning was the protagonist of Olympus Has Fallen and London Has Fallen in recent years. In Angel Has Fallen we find a battered and bruised Banning suffering from post-concussion syndrome and relying on opioid to get by. Mike is hiding his condition from his wife (Piper Perabo) and even from his employer, President Trumbull (Morgan Freeman). 

The only person aware of Mike’s issues is his closest friend, heretofore never mentioned in either previous movie despite also being a military and security expert whose tactical abilities might have come in handy in Mike’s previous adventures, Wade Jennings (Danny Huston). The two come together for beers and reminiscing and Mike confides that he is having some issues even as career-wise things are going well. Mike is soon to be named as the new head of the Secret Service. 

The plot kicks in when Mike is guarding the President while he fishes on a private lake in Virginia. As Mike is taking a break to get more of his pills, the President’s security team is attacked by drones. All of the security team is killed except for Mike who also manages to rescue the President who is left in a coma from the attack. Mike is knocked unconscious and when he wakes up the next day he finds himself in handcuffs. 

It seems that Mike’s fingerprints and DNA were found inside of a van from which the drones were launched. There is also the matter of some $10 million dollars traced back to Russia that has been found in an offshore account in Mike’s name. The FBI, led by Agent Thompson (Jada Pinkett Smith), is convinced that Mike is guilty of having orchestrated the attack on the President. He’s arrested and things get even weirder when Mike is busted out by a group of military trained mercenaries. 

From there, Mike will escape the mercenaries and go on the run alone until he reaches the survivalist compound of his long absent father, Clay Banning (Nick Nolte), who gives him a place to hole up and regroup while the entire world searches for him. Mike has to figure out who set him up and how to prove to the good guys that he’s innocent so he can go after the bad guys and take them down while making sure the President is safe. 

Where to begin with this idiotic plot. Angel Has Fallen is a singularly stupid movie. Most modern action movies are kind of brain dead but Angel Has Fallen takes brain death to a place of oxygen starved severity. Where movies like Fast and Furious Presents Hobbs and Shaw are dumb loud action movies that also happen to be fun, Angel Has Fallen is dumb, loud and unwatchably insipid. Angel Has Fallen lacks the charm to be fun and dumb. Instead, we are simply inundated with one dumb action scene after another in service of a deeply idiotic plot. 

The dopey script, in order to get to the Mike Banning as The Fugitive plot they pre-ordained, has every other character in the movie turn into a complete moron. I was reminded of how the original movie, Olympus Has Fallen, in order to set out Mike as the greatest badass in history, turned the rest of the American military into fumbling doofuses who couldn’t shoot straight, a plot so offensive I was shocked that the movie found an audience among those who claim to support our military. 

In Angel Has Fallen, it’s US intelligence that gets struck dumb in order to put over Mike as the one smart person in a sea of idiots. Poor Jada Pinkett Smith is forced to try and make this uniquely moronic plot work but in order to do that, she’s forced to act as the single most fog brained FBI agent in movie history. Only the most obvious clues are the ones that matter to her according to the plot and her single-minded, unquestioning, performance renders her witless. 

That shouldn’t be too surprising as the movie has an equal amount of contempt for the audience. The plot of Angel Has Fallen could not be more predictable if they had handed out laminated copies of the script, color coded with notes about which characters are good and trustworthy and which ones are duplicitous baddies. If you can’t identify the two big villains of this movie within the first 5 minutes of the movie starting, you might want to check into a hospital to have your faculties checked. 

Then, there is Gerard Butler, arguably the most charm-free and talentless of our modern action heroes. While some might seek to compare Butler to the Stallone’s and Schwarzenegger’s of the 80’s action genre, a better correlative would be Steven Seagal. Both are lunkheads with an arrogance that far surpasses their talent and a doughy, gormless quality to their appearance that betrays their over abundance of confidence.

Butler’s Banning, like every one of the characters Seagal played, is invincible, indestructible and due to some unspoken supernatural force, always capable of outsmarting people clearly smarter than they are. Butler, at the very least, hasn't tried to bring the ponytail back and is actually capable of running where Seagal's heroes were more stationary than your average couch, but the two share far more in common with their utter lack of genuine talent. 

The screenwriters of the Fallen movies sacrifice the dignity and self-respect of every other character in these movies in their vain attempt to convince us that the sweaty, grunting, lummox that is Mike Banning, is the most cunning and crafty character on screen. It’s a failing effort from the start and that becomes an almost poignant source of campy laughs as these movies where on.

I genuinely began to feel sorry for Angel Has Fallen screenwriter Mark Robert Kamen as this movie wore on. Kamen's blood, sweat and tears must be all over these pages as he violates basic screenwriting ethics and general good taste just to try to make this one character remotely believable in the hands of this lunk headed star. 

Angel Has Fallen is thus far the worst movie of 2019.

Movie Review P.S I Love You

P.S I Love You (2007) 

Directed by Richard LaGravenese 

Written by Steven Rogers 

Starring Hilary Swank, Gerard Butler, Lisa Kudrow, Harry Connick Jr., Gina Gershon, Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Release Date December 21st, 20007

Published December 22nd, 2007 

If the movie P.S I Love You were a person her name would be Sybil. The name synonymous for multiple personality disorder is all too fitting for a manic, tone shifting on a dime, romantic comedy about a dead guy who romances his girl from the grave.

Hilary Swank stars in P.S I love You as Holly Kennedy. Her husband Jerry has died and her mourning takes the form of her hiding out in their apartment, wearing his clothes and singing along with songs in old movies. Three weeks after Jerry's funeral, weeks where she never left the apartment, Holly's 30th birthday arrives along with a package.

It's a birthday cake with an inscription from Jerry. Also included is a tape he made from his deathbed advising Holly on how to move on without forgetting him. For the next several weeks more letters will arrive and Holly is required to follow them literally. Instructions include, buy a pretty dress, sing karaoke, travel to Ireland and finally, find another man.

Directed by Richard LaGravenese and based on a novel by Cecillia Ahern, P.S I Love attempts to weave grief and humor and the mix is awkward, uncomfortable and a little creepy. Though the central theme is dealing with loss and it's clear that the character of Jerry wants the best for his wife; by not going away the character causes more problems than he solves.

As this gimmick plays out it becomes achingly clear that P.S I Love You is not instructive, insightful or even modestly comforting in the way it deals with grief and loss. Jerry and his letters are a ploy to create a plot around which goofy romantic encounters can play out.

Throw in a character played by Harry Connick Jr. that is arguably one of the worst written characters of all time and an ending so hackneyed it makes The Wedding Planner look like The English Patient and the result is an agitating, irritating shambles of a romantic comedy.

Are we supposed to laugh at Holly or with Holly? Do we feel grief and loss or just darkly goofy? P.S I Love You is so erratic you'll likely be at a loss to feeling anything other than ripped off for the cost of the rental on DVD.

Movie Review Nim's Island

Nim's Island (2008) 

Directed by Jennifer Flackett

Written by Joseph Kwong, three other screenwriters

Starring Jodie Foster, Abigail Breslin, Gerard Butler 

Release Date April 4th, 2008

Published April 3rd, 2008

Jodie Foster hasn’t been known as a comedian since her mischievous youth as a Disney star. Her career changed forever with Taxi Driver and since that time, her comic roles have been few and far between. The surprise of her comic talents, lying dormant since her sassy performance in Maverick more than a decade ago, makes her slapstick heavy comic performance in the family flick Nim’s Island something of a delight. Though the film overall is a slight, messy mixture of Home Alone crossed with Fantasy Island, Foster makes it tolerable and occasionally delightful with her constantly surprising performance.

Alex Rider is an Indiana Jones like character and a hero to young Nim (Abigail Breslin) who lives for his adventures like some kids live for the next American Idol. Living on a deserted island in the south pacific with her dad Jack (Gerard Butler), Nim doesn’t have a TV or video games like most kids so her Alex Rider novels and her many animal friends are her entertainment. When her marine biologist father has to go away for a few days, Nim is left to care for an animal friend about to give birth. That is when an email arrives from her hero Alex Rider asking her about the wonders of her island, he’s researching his next big adventure.

Or should I say, her next big adventure. You see, Alex Rider is actually Alexandra Rider (Jodie Foster) an agoraphobic writer who, despite imagining some amazing adventures, has not left her home in years. When she hits on a bout of writer's block she turns to the writing of Jack, Nim’s dad, who wrote an article about volcanoes that Alex thinks could make an exciting adventure. Her email finds Nim and the two begin a friendly correspondence. However, when Nim reveals that her father has gone missing there is only one thing for Alexandra to do, she must find the courage to leave her home for the first time in years and find some way to get to Nim.

Directed by newcomers Jennifer Flackett and Mark Levin, Nim’s Island is a sweet, safe bit of disposable family entertainment. Abigail Breslin, the Little Miss Sunshine Oscar nominee, is her usual cute self but it is Jodie Foster who steals the movie with her wildly offbeat performance. Chatting often out loud to her fictional character Alex Rider (Gerard Butler again), she goes all out allowing herself to look completely nutzo and somehow it works. Her chemistry with Breslin is motherly and very sweet, this is a very different Jodie Foster from the hard bitten New Yorker of The Brave One.

If only Nim’s Island were more focused on Foster and Breslin’s chemistry. Unfortunately, the film diverts with a subplot about a ship called Buccaneer, a group of ugly tourists and Nim pulling a Macauley Culkin to keep bad guys from turning her home into a tourist trap. This subplot is distracting and meant only as very obvious filler material. More time with Foster and Breslin and less time with goofball subplots and Nim’s Island could be so much more than just merely distracting.

Good, not great, Nim’s Island is above par family entertainment that should be much better than it is.

Movie Review: 300

300 (2007) 

Directed by Zack Snyder

Written by Kurt Johnston 

Starring Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, David Wenham, Michael Fassbender

Release Date March 9th, 2007 

Published March 8th, 2007

Frank Miller is the pre-eminant graphic novelist of this short century and now that film technology has reached the ability to present his vision on screen we are being treated to some astonishing works. His Sin City, directed by Robert Rodriguez, was a mind blowing exercise in cool. Now comes 300 a historical novel that uses the graphic novel form to render history in a most visceral and modern fashion.

Directed by Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead), 300 is about bravery, manhood and desire. But more than anything, 300 is about style and rendering Frank Miller's vision on the screen in the most slavishly accurate ways imaginable, short of just making it straight animation.

The Persian army is spreading like a virus across continents; slaughtering millions and enslaving millions more. Now, standing on the doorstep of the Roman empire, the Persian king Xerxes looks to complete his world domination but first a small band of warriors stand in his way. The greatest warriors in the world, Spartans, stand in a small corridor between the Persians and the conquer of the Roman empire.

Leading the Spartans is their king Leonides (Gerard Butler) who refused to kneel to Xerxes when he was offered a truce. Xerxes is well aware of the reputation of Spartan soldiers as the greatest fighters in the world and had attempted negotiation. Leonides ended the negotiation by killing the messenger. However, before he could go to war he had to consult the gods.

The Ephors, mountain top dwelling cretins, are the conduit between Sparta and the gods. They deny his call for war leaving Leonides with one option. Taking 300 warriors, men with sons who could carry on their names after they die, Leonides heads toward the coasts, toward Thermopylae where he will stand against Xerxes army and hope that his bravery moves the gods enough to bring back-up and take war to the Persians.

Based on the novel by Frank Miller, 300 is a visually arresting force of nature. Director Zack Snyder stunningly recreates Frank Miller's graphic novel with every blood drop and sword whoosh in tact. It is in fact such a slavish recreation that its fair to criticize Snyder for not bringing something of himself to this epic movie.

Snyder's work is there. He was the one slaving over every shot making sure the actors were at home in their CGI environment and the melding is seemless. Zack Snyder's technical chops are unlimited it would seem but at times they can be a little much. Once you have seen one head spinning in slow motion as it disconnects from its body, you've seen it enough. That scene however, along with many others is repeated over and over throughout 300.

It's all visually impressive but once you become accustomed to the style the repetitive nature becomes mind numbing and tedious. It's no help that this film seems louder than most other films. I know for a fact that 300 is no louder than any other action blockbuster, but with it's raging hordes of Persians, elephants, rhinos and freaks it seems louder.

The films rousing, bombastic score from Tyler Bates is so amped up I was preparing for my face to melt ala the screaming demons of Indiana Jones. Bates' score asaults the ears and while it's not a bad score it's often so amped up you may have to cover your ears to make out the notes.

As happens with epic war movies in the era of Iraq; some critics are applying political allegory. Red staters could if they so choose see the Spartans as a small band of American soldiers standing against the hordes of Persians, read Arabs, with George W. Bush as Leonides. Blue staters see in the small band of spartans defending their homeland from hordes of invaders as an allegory for the Iraqis who are fighting the Goliath American army to protect their homeland.

Both are a great intellectual stretch. Not that Frank Miller's story doesn't have it's depth and metaphor but any relationship to Bush administration policy in Iraq is something you bring to the film on your own. 300 is a film that is about itself. This is a perpetuation of style, an exercise in aesthetic and reveling in technology.

The technology is quite breathtaking. From the computer generated elephants and rhinos to the exquisitely sensual rendering of the female form in slow motion, nearly nude, dance, nearly every scene in 300 is a remarkable visual. Some will compare it to a videogame and considering the advances in technology; that is not an unfair or even unflattering comparison.

Is it historically accurate that the Spartans fought battles wearing only leather panties and red capes? This seems an impractical and discomfiting choice of battle wear. They are right on the coast, the spray off the raging ocean alone must be a little uncomfortable. On the other hand, these outfits are perfect for showing off washboard abs and giant pumped up pecs. Whoever was lucky enough to open that Gold's Gym in Sparta must have been a very rich man.

The gay subtext of 300 I'm sure will be uncomfortable for some. But the fact is that with all of these pumped up bodies on display in all of their sweat soaked glory, it's clear that director Zack Snyder wanted some level of homosexual awareness in the picture. Either that or he is clueless and closeted. And there is nothing wrong with that. I admire the bravery of any filmmaker who so daringly displays the male form when the industry standard is to treat women as the eye candy

I liked 300 but I didn't love it. Maybe some of it was the hype or my own high expectations but I was slightly disappointed. From the trailer I expected a similar giddy thrill to what I experienced watching Frank Miller's Sin City. Instead I found myself, mildly thrilled and loving the work of Frank Miller but underwhelmed by the film made from it.

300 is an undeniable achievement in visual filmmaking and that alone is enough to recommend it. Just be sure to temper your expectations. The lower the better.

Movie Review Timeline

Timeline (2003)

Directed by Richard Donner 

Written by George Nolfi, Jeff Maguire

Starring Paul Walker, Frances O'Connor, Gerard Butler, Billy Connelly, David Thewlis, Anna Friel, Michael Sheen, Ethan Embry, Martin Csokas

Release Date November 26th, 2003 

Published November 26th, 2003 

It's been five years since director Richard Donner last stepped behind a camera. That was for the deathly Lethal Weapon 4, a creaky cash grab of an action movie that made even the indomitable Mel Gibson look bad. In fact, it has been nearly 10 years since Donner has directed a good movie, 1994's Maverick (also with Gibson.) In his comeback, adapting Michael Crichton's time traveling novel, Timeline, Donner continues the downward slide of his once great career.

Paul Walker stars as Chris, the son of archaeologist Professor Edward Johnston (Billy Connelly). When the professor disappears on a job, his son and his crew of archaeology students including Marek (Gerard Butler), David (Ethan Embry) and Kate (Frances O'Conner) must follow his clues to find him. The Professor's last job was working for a mysterious corporation called ITC. The corporation’s scientists have figured a way to send human beings back in time but only to one specific location: Castleberg, France in the 14th century on the eve of war between the French and British.

Well, wouldn't you these students just happen to be experts in that exact era? In fact they are excavating that very battlefield. What an amazing coincidence. ITC has sent the Professor back to the 14th century and now want to send Chris and company back there to find him and bring him back. Oh but if it were that easy, we wouldn't have a movie. Accompanied by a shady military guy played by Neal McDonough and his two soon-to-be-dead lackeys, the gang has six hours to find the professor and get back to the future.

For Donner, working entirely on autopilot, the time travel plot is merely a clothesline on which to hang one lame action sequence after another. The action has the period authenticity of a high school production of Shakespeare. When we aren't being annoyed with the lame action scene, we are treated to plot points that screenwriters Jeff Maguire and George Nolfi obviously thought were clever. The script ham-handedly sets up things in the present that will payoff in the past. When the supposed payoffs come, the actors practically scream, "see how this paid off, wow aren't we clever.”

Some of the plot points pay off so obviously you can't help but giggle at the goofiness of it all. The actors react like children who just discovered a light switch and want to explain to the audience how it works.

For his part, Walker turns in yet another young Keanu Reeves impression. All that is missing is the signature "Whoa." Walker looks about as comfortable in period garb as Dom Deluise would in a thong. The rest of the cast isn't much better, especially a slumming Frances O'Connor as Walker's love interest. O'Connor was so good in Spielberg's A.I that scripts like this should be easy to pass on but somehow, here she is.

Donner's best days are clearly behind him. The man who made Lethal Weapon and Lethal Weapon II, arguably the best buddy movie franchise ever, and the man who made arguably the best superhero movie of all time--Superman with Christopher Reeve--has now settled into a depressing groove of just simply picking up his check and turning out below-average action movies that make for great posters but not much else.

Movie Review Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

Lara Croft Tomb Raider The Cradle of Life 

Directed by Jan De Bont

Written by Dean Georgaris 

Starring Angelina Jolie, Gerard Butler, Noah Taylor, Ciaran Hinds, Djimon Hounsou, Til Schweiger 

Release Date July 25th, 2003

Published July 24th, 2003 

The first Tomb Raider, directed by action hack Simon West, was typical Hollywood action. Big, dumb and loud. That the film was even mildly watchable can only be attributed to its star, the charismatic, sexy Angelina Jolie. Despite the underperformance of the film at the box office, Paramount locked into a sequel even before the first film was completed. Enter director Jan De Bont, master of the big, dumb, loud action picture and what you get is another dull exercise in Hollywood action movie-making with another performance by Angelina Jolie that is the film’s only strong point.

Lady Croft is back in tomb raiding mode after an earthquake off the coast of Greece opens an underwater tomb that once belonged to Alexander the Great. Croft, with a pair of assistants, raids the tomb and finds a number of valuable artifacts. Most important to Lara is a glowing orb of indeterminate origin. Croft doesn't get much of a chance to investigate it as she and her assistants are attacked by members of a Chinese gang who steal the orb and leave Croft for dead.

Naturally Lara escapes and with the help of British intelligence learns that the gang members were working on behalf of the world’s most wanted terrorist, a former Nobel prize winning scientist named Jonathan Reiss. The orb that Reiss is purchasing from the gang members is actually a map that leads to the most dangerous weapons in the world, Pandora's Box.

It's Lara's mission to steal the orb from the Chinese gang before they can sell it to Reiss but to do that she needs the help of an ex-flame and former army colonel named Terry Sheridan. However, Sheridan will need to be sprung from prison before he can help. Sheridan is in jail in Russia after betraying his troops and selling secrets to an unnamed enemy. The past between Sheridan and Lara as well as Sheridan's treachery add an interesting level to the partnership and Jolie and Butler have a good chemistry.

All of that setup takes a while and even as it happens, we are treated to a number of big, dumb, loud action scenes. The tomb that once belonged to Alexander The Great is completely destroyed in Lara's shootout with gang members. This sequence features some God-awful effects. Especially bad is a scene where Lara climbs a large stone likeness of Alexander to get to the glowing orb. Lara is obviously not Angelina Jolie or even a stunt double. 

It looked to me as though it were the CGI video game Lara Croft. The action sequence that followed the fight and the destruction of the tomb is just as bad as Lara cuts her arm to attract a shark, which she then punches in the face and rides to the surface. It would have been more appropriate had Lara jumped the shark. Once on the surface Lara finds her boat has been sunk and she is left floating on a piece of it for three days, the cut on her arm and the sharks conveniently forgotten.

From there it's more big, dumb action. Bullets are fired at a rate that would make our military blush and more bad CGI stunt sequences test the patience of attentive audience members. The film’s most unintentionally funny moment happens when a camera travels over the ocean, a chuckle-inducing reminder of De Bont's Speed 2.

The only appealing aspect of Tomb Raider is star Angelina Jolie. The star is the only person involved in the film who isn't on autopilot. Her charisma is undeniable and can't be reigned in by the weak script and weaker action. Her co-star Gerard Butler wakes up occasionally to spark some sexual chemistry with Jolie but he is too busy auditioning to be the next James Bond to become a fully fleshed out character in Tomb Raider. Jolie's real co-star is that silver bodysuit she wears in the underwater tomb sequence, a wardrobe piece that will fuel the fantasies of teenage boys for years to come.

For all of Jolie's effort, she never really had a chance. The producers of Tomb Raider 2 wanted a by the numbers action movie that capitalized on the video game’s built in appeal and they got it. Just like the original Tomb Raider, the sequel hits all the usual action beats that are familiar to audiences. Paramount pictures will likely get exactly the results they were looking for from Tomb Raider 2. (Ed. Note – They didn’t, much to your pleasure)

Movie Review Reign of Fire

Reign of Fire (2002) 

Directed by Rob Bowman

Written by Matt Greenberg

Starring Matthew McConaughey, Christian Bale, Isabella Scorupco, Gerard Butler 

Release Date July 12th, 2002 

Published July 11th, 2002 

Whilst I must quibble with the film Reign Of Fire being called a sci-fi film (indeed the film contains not one bit of science), what I can't argue with is that Reign Of Fire is a roller coaster ride, action thriller that kicks serious ass. As we join the story, a young boy is visiting his mother at her job on a construction site when some guys drilling a hole accidentally awaken a billion year old fire breathing dragon. Whoops!

The dragons are awake and after a couple million-year nap they are a little hungry, thus begins the near apocalypse. By the year 2020 the dragons are Earth’s dominant species while humans hide in caves and outwit the dragons to grow food and get supplies. The young boy from the beginning of the movie, Quinn (Christian Bale), is now grown up. Quinn is the leader of a ragtag group of humans living in what’s left of the English countryside.

An American army arrives, led by Van Zandt (Matthew McConaughey) and Alex (Iabella Scorupco). Van Zandt does what Quinn and his people have never dreamed of, they hunt and kill dragons. We are quickly treated to Van Zandt's hunting style in a spectacular set of mind-blowing effects scenes. Indeed Reign Of Fire is a special effects movie and the effects are fantastic, rendering very lifelike dragons and a surprisingly lifelike Scorupco.

There is, however, something deeper going on as director Rob Bowman, the man behind The X-Files movie, makes a film that is part western, part war movie. Bowman then tops it off with hints of Herman Melville's “Moby Dick” as McConaughey's Van Zandt's insane obsession with killing the lone male dragon with Quinn as his Ishmael.

McConaughey is a real standout in this film. He oozes machismo and charisma. His insanity is so engaging I would have followed him into battle for sure. Christian Bale is also good as the straight man; he doesn't get McConaughey's swaggering arrogance. Instead he is consummately British; intelligent, levelheaded, but always ready to fight.

I do have some trouble with some of the film’s logic. How when all of New York has been burned to the ground did Newsweek and Time magazine print their issues announcing global apocalypse? Also, if Time and Newsweek have time to print magazines, how is it scientists didn't have time to figure out the dragon's secret weakness? What matters most though is the action and Reign Of Fire more than delivers. Awesome special effects, amazing dragons and a lot of great action. Reign Of Fire is a huge summer movie surprise.

Movie Review How to Train Your Dragon The Hidden World

How to Train Your Dragon The Hidden World (2019) 

Directed by Dean Deblois

Written by Dean Deblois 

Starring Jay Baruchel, America Ferrara, F. Murray Abraham, Gerard Butler, Cate Blanchett, Jonah Hill 

Release Date February 22nd, 2019

Published February 21st, 2019 

How to Train Your Dragon 3 is perhaps the best of the three How to Train Your Dragon movies. None of the How to Train Your Dragon movies have been bad but the first two, for me, have only been passably entertaining. How to Train Your Dragon 3: The Hidden World rounds the series into something with a good deal more depth. Indeed, depth is what the first two movies lacked as they put forward perfunctory stories about learning to believe in yourself. 

How to Train Your Dragon 3: The Hidden World is the first of the franchise to carry the confidence of a movie where characters have tamed and rode dragons into battle. The hero's journey has finally stopped being a slightly bland, mostly amusing coming of age story and has become the story of a fully fledged character finally becoming who he should be. Again, there is nothing wrong with the first two, but I prefer seeing a new story with these characters as opposed to familiar tropes dressed up with dragons. 

How to Train Your Dragon 3: The Hidden World opens with our heroes, Hiccup (Jay Baruchel) and his dragon pal, Toothless, now in the role of dragon defenders. When dragons are kidnapped to be killed or made to serve the forces of evil, Hiccup, Toothless and their friends from the Viking village of Berk, swoop in with fiery swords and free the peaceful dragons and take them home to safety. 

Unfortunately, Berk has become quite overcrowded since our last visit. The place is teeming with dragons and the sheer volume of dragons on hand has not gone unnoticed. A group of bad guys now know where Berk is and they want to steal the dragons in order to create a dragon army. The baddies can’t do it on their own however, so they seek the help of the legendary dragon hunter Grimmel the Grisly (F Murray Abraham). In exchange for capturing the dragons of Berk, Grimmel asks only that he be able to kill Toothless. Grimmel has made his reputation on killing Night Furies.

But how will he ever get close to Berk with all of those Vikings and Dragons? Grimmel has a plan. He’s captured a Light Fury, a white, female counterpart to Toothless and also seemingly the last of her kind. Grimmel will use the Light Fury to lead Toothless into a trap. His plan is solid as Toothless falls in love at first sight with the Light Fury and in a delightful scene, attempts to romance her on the beach with a mating dance. The wordless pantomime of the dragons in this scene is genuine, sweet and funny. 

Director Dean Deblois in his third time as a director, he directed the previous How to Train Your Dragon and Lilo and Stitch prior to this movie, continues to demonstrate his light and deft touch. Deblois is smart about not letting his stories get cluttered with too many bits of business. He may have a lot of colorful characters and voice actors to make use of but he’s very economical about it and never allows a bit to overstay its welcome or bog down the central story. 

The voice cast of How to Train Your Dragon remains top notch with Jay Baruchel as a sturdy lead voice, America Ferrera as the charming romantic idea, Cate Blanchett as the voice of gravitas and seriousness and Jonah Hill, Christopher Mintz Plasse and Kristen Wiig providing solid comic relief. Add to this group, the sonorous tones of Academy Award winner F Murray Abraham as Grimmel and you have an exceptionally talented and charismatic group of voices. 

How to Train Your Dragon 3: The Hidden World is exceptionally well animated with some legitimately breathtaking sights that really stand out in IMAX 3D. The visuals are equalled brilliantly by the Scottish inflected music score by John Powell to create a more vital and mature palette for what is the last of this film trilogy. Much credit to Dean Deblois and Dreamworks in recognizing that there is no need to beat this premise into the ground. This is the final film in a trilogy and they allow it to go out on a note of satisfying and moving finality.

Movie Review Gamer

Gamer (2009) 

Directed by Neveldine and Taylor 

Written by Neveldine and Taylor 

Starring Gerald Butler, Michael C Hall, Amber Valletta, Logan Lerman, Terry Crews 

Release Date September 4th, 2009 

Published by September 3rd, 2009 

I was under the impression that actor Gerard Butler's career was going really well. That clearly is not the case after watching his new movie Gamer. If Mr. Butler has to pick up a role that Jason Statham obviously passed on, things aren't going that well. Ok, admittedly, I cannot prove that Mr. Statham passed on Gamer. However, the movie comes from the Crank team of directors, Mark Neveldine and Bryan Taylor.

Not to mention the fact that the role is pitched to Statham's vibe of brain free, bloody grit. Gerard Butler picks up the role and one cannot escape the idea of a not so bad actor picking up another actor's scraps. What a shame. Gamer is a dopey sci-fi action movie that thrusts its audience into the midst of a story in progress. In some not so distant future interactive gaming has evolved to an inhumane level. Real men and women are being incorporated into the gaming world through technology created by Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall). Castle is a malevolent version of Bill Gates.

Castle's brain controlling technology allows gamers to control real people. His first breakthrough game, Society, allowed the gamer to live out debauched fantasies, through real people. Castle's major breakthrough however is called Slayers, a game where death row inmates run about shooting at other death row inmates. If one inmate survives 30 battles he or she can be set free.

The star of Slayers is Kable (Butler). He had survived 27 battles when we meet him. Kable's real name is Tillman and he is surviving so that he can be reunited with his wife and daughter. Kable is controlled by a teenager named Simon (Logan Lerman) and when Simon is approached by a group opposed to Castle, Kable may find his way to escape.

I have brought some order to this story through my description of the plot but trust me when I tell you that the movie itself is much more of a mess than I let on. As with their two Crank movies, directors Neveldine and Taylor have little care for telling a story. The interests of these two low watt auteurs is playing with violent toys and reveling in human destruction.

Neveldine and Taylor have a low opinion of humanity and through their movies they choose to appeal only to the base impulses. This cynical approach is expressed through misogynist imagery and hardcore violence. Women are treated as victims and sex objects and violence is exploited and glorified in a fashion that makes you worry for the director's private lives.

Movies like Gamer and both of the Crank films are like a psychological profile of the people who created them. What they show are a pair of adults who act out like teenagers. The unrestrained id. The out of control ego. And finally, the plain and simple immaturity of these films makes you wonder if regular therapy sessions would be a better use of time than filmmaking for Neveldine and Taylor.

Not only is Gamer ugly, immature and cynical, it's also derivative. Take a dash of Running Man, cross it with Death Race and you get the bare bones of Gamer. Place big dumb action star in an inescapably violent future state. Place big dumb action star in a violent game where bloodthirsty audiences ooh and ahh. Finally, have big dumb action guy bring down the bad guy.

Whether Butler's Kable is successful in stopping the evil Bill Gates guy, I will leave you to discover should you choose to endure Gamer. It doesn't really matter whether he succeeds or not. It doesn't improve the awful, ugly mess that is Gamer. Really, nothing could.