Movie Review Pearl Harbor

Pearl Harbor (2001)

Directed by Michael Bay 

Written by Randall Wallace

Starring Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding Jr., Tom Sizemore, Alec Baldwin

Release Date May 25th, 2001

Published May 25th, 2011 

The blockbuster Pearl Harbor turns 10 years old this month and so I decided to look back on it with new eyes a decade later.

Movies are not living things; they don’t grow or change or evolve over time. Once a film is completed it will, generally speaking, be as it is forever. What does change? We do. We age and we mature and our intellect and tastes evolve over time. Our ever evolving tastes and growing intellect can change the way we experience a movie.

It is with this in mind that I endeavor to look back 10, 20 and 30 years at some of the most well remembered movies of all time and see how my own evolving tastes effect the way I experience these movies. I invite you to join me on this unique journey and offer your own insights ever changing opinions.

Evolving the human element

The blockbuster Pearl Harbor turns 10 years old in May of 2011. My first experience with Pearl Harbor was not good. I was in my second year as a full time film critic for a now defunct website called Bikkit.com. The website and my original Pearl Harbor review are long gone but I can recall a scathing, often snide review that may have invoked the words jingoistic and manipulative.

I have always been very hard on director Michael Bay. He has an extraordinary talent for scope and scale and could be fairly considered a modern day Darryl Zanuck or D.W Griffith, filmmakers of the grandest vision. Disappointingly, for all his talent for staging massive productions, Bay has never evolved the human element of his filmmaking.

Disingenuous and insincere

The characters in a Michael Bay film are stick figures weighted down by leaden dialogue and sublimated by large scale special effects. Sadly, Pearl Harbor is no different from any other Michael Bay film. Despite a harrowing historic tale, Bay delivers characters in Pearl Harbor that never resonate and never come to life before our eyes.

So busy is Michael Bay restaging one of the worst days in American history with painstaking detail, he forgets to populate his stage with characters of resonance whose experiences we can believe in. Two false, forced romances and several coat hanger characters--actors assigned to hold up archetypes of real people—leave Pearl Harbor feeling disingenuous and insincere.

Faux romance

The glossy, 1940’s style romance of Pearl Harbor is a cheesy throwback that lacks passion because it’s infused only with nostalgia. Ben Affleck is a terrific actor but teamed with Kate Beckinsale in a series of facile romantic encounters he leaves no real impression beyond his handsomeness and her beauty.

Josh Hartnett brings a soulful quality to the character of Danny and his struggle with falling for his best friend’s girl but Michael Bay has no interest in exploring or allowing these characters to expand upon the difficulty of their situation. Instead, we get scenes of the happy couple swimming and frolicking in the sand as stand-ins for real interaction.

The dual romances appear in Pearl Harbor not because the story was of interest to Michael Bay or screenwriter Randall Wallace. No, the romance exists solely as a marketing ploy, a way to sell a war movie to mass audiences. Instead of being honestly romantic the love triangle subplot cheapens the movie and makes all around it feel hollow.

Undeniably awesome CGI effects

There is tremendous power to be found in the action scenes of Pearl Harbor. I have no honest idea how well Michael Bay and his exceptionally talented team captured what December 7th 1941 was like but the veterans of that day, interviewed on the Pearl Harbor DVD, offer no criticism.

The action, especially an extraordinary dogfight sequence early in the film while Affleck’s pilot Rafe McCawley is fighting with the British against the Germans, is as exciting an action sequence as any you’ve ever seen. The Pearl Harbor sequence is a monotonous onslaught of special effects and CGI but they are very effective special effects and CGI and you are hard pressed not to be compelled by the action.

Gorgeous Cinematography

The cinematography of Pearl Harbor is immaculate. The deep focus and bright colors of Pearl Harbor add to the scope and scale of the story and create some unbelievably beautiful pictures. The gorgeous orange skyline of a scene where Hartnett and Beckinsale go for an unscheduled flight around the Hawaiian Islands threatens to create the romance that the actors never muster.

In many ways Pearl Harbor is a remarkable film. Michael Bay has the vision of Howard Hughes and the limitless imagination of old school directors like Howard Hawks and Victor Fleming. Bay only lacks the human element. Were Michael Bay ever to figure out how to make his characters as compelling as his special effects he would be a rival to James Cameron and Steven Speilberg as a mainstream artist.

A decade later the same result

Unfortunately, in the 10 years since the making of Pearl Harbor Michael Bay has not developed the human touch; in fact with his Transformers movies he has regressed even further into a director of automatons.

In the end, my experience with Pearl Harbor 10 years later was not much different than it was the first time. I’ve dropped the word jingoistic as it seemed a little harsh in retrospect and I have offered a little more praise for the effects than I did the first time but my overall experience of the film is fundamentally the same. I still don’t like it, the flaws that I saw as a young, fiery junior critic are still seen as flaws to the much calmer, measured and professional critic of today.

Movie Review: Everybody's Fine

Everybody's Fine (2009) 

Directed by Kirk Jones

Written by Kirk Jones

Starring Robert De Niro, Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale, Sam Rockwell

Release Date December 4th, 2009 

Published December 3rd, 2009

Filial relations get a thorough going over in Everybody’s Fine in which Robert De Niro stars as the sad, widowed patriarch of a family scattered to the very edges of the continent. Years ago Frank Goode worked extra shifts, overtime, any hours he could to give his wife and children every possible advantage. He was a firm but loving father but work kept him at a distance. Now, retired and mourning the loss of his wife, Frank looks desperately forward to a holiday visit from his four kids. He was destined for disappointment.

One by one Frank’s kids call to cancel. First up is Amy (Kate Beckinsale) who claims work and a sick child will keep her from visiting. She sends along Brother David’s wishes as well, he can’t bother to blow dad off on his own time. Rosie (Drew Barrymore) claims that her Las Vegas review has been called into a last minute performance that will keep her away. Finally, Robert (Sam Rockwell) claims that his duties as Conductor of the Denver Orchestra will prevent him from coming as well.

Since his kids won’t come to him, stubborn and lonely Frank decides to hop a train across the country to visit each of the kids. This is against the wishes of his doctor who tells him he is too sick to travel.Frank’s medical issues are left vague so that they can be employed later in the story.

The first visit is to David whose artwork hangs in a gallery just up the street from his New York City apartment.David isn’t home and after waiting for several hours Frank dashes off to his next location leaving behind an envelope. Next up is Amy, a high powered ad exec. Her troubles are evident right away as the sick kid, Jack (Lucian Maisel) is clearly in fine health. Amy’s husband appears oddly disheveled upon his arrival and a hastily organized family dinner is filled with tension.

Frank is shoved out the door the following morning and headed for Denver to see Robert.

Though warned by Amy of his father’s arrival, Robert doesn’t bother to try and hide his lies; not that he could. Robert is not a conductor in the orchestra but plays the drum. He has some harsh words for Frank about his childhood but little evidence to back up his claims. Robert, like Amy, gives dad the quick brush off and soon Frank is riding the rails again, on his way to Vegas to see Rosie. You cannot possibly be surprised when Rosie’s lies are slowly revealed; the story does little to hide them aside from portraying Frank as dotty and clueless.

Director Kirk Jones’ storytelling choices require not just Frank to be clueless but the audience as well. Every story twist in Everybody’s Fine is as predictable as a sunrise in the east. Poor Robert De Niro is stranded within this morass of slow-witted predictability and does yeoman’s work to keep the audience engaged and not rolling their eyes.

It’s a remarkably subtle piece of work from Mr. De Niro whose work has always been marked by a towering presence well beyond his physical stature. In Everybody’s Fine he is called on to be warm and cuddly and clueless and credit him for giving it all he’s got, it really is a complement to his talent that we don’t buy it for a second. 

We know Mr. De Niro is superior to the material from the first sad, pathetic minutes of Everybody’s Fine all the way to its soporific conclusion. It’s not only Mr. De Niro who is let down by Everybody’s Fine, a terrific supporting cast is set adrift as well. Ms. Beckinsale, Ms. Barrymore and Mr. Rockwell are all talented performers, far more interesting than the whiny, cookie cutter characters they are given to play in Everybody’s Fine.

Each is assigned a particular emotion to play and each does their best with it but they are working at odds with the story. Was De Niro’s Frank a distant slave driver as he is sometimes portrayed or is he a doddering old fool who needs to be taken care of? Each of the supporting performances treats him differently and the picture grows muddier throughout.

That said my biggest complaint about Everybody’s Fine is not in fact predictable storytelling or misguided character work. Rather, my biggest issue comes in a cameo by Oscar nominee Melissa Leo who plays a kindly trucker who gives Frank a lift. There’s nothing wrong with her performance, it’s just not long enough to justify the casting.

Ms. Leo is on screen for less than 4 minutes and leaves you wanting more. Why cast someone this talented and then not make proper use of her? I was left wanting a movie starring her and Mr. De Niro and forgot a good portion of the third act of Everybody’s Fine thinking about the potential of that nonexistent project.

Everybody’s Fine is, for the most part, as benign as its title. Dull and forgettable, the film strands a top flight cast amid a storytelling malaise. If you’re a Robert De Niro fan rent This Boy’s Life or A Bronx Tale to get the true paternal De Niro and forget about Everybody’s Fine.

Movie Review: Van Helsing

Van Helsing (2004) 

Directed by Stephen Sommers 

Written by Stephen Sommers 

Starring Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, Will Kemp 

Release Date May 7th, 2004

Published May 7th, 2004 

When Universal Pictures decided to remake one of it's stable of classic monster movies, The Mummy, Stephen Sommers was a rather unlikely choice as director. Prior to that film, Sommers' only experience had come on a pair of low budget Disney family pics and the disastrous horror comedy (unintentional comedy) Deep Rising.

To the surprise of many in May of 1999, Sommers delivered one rollicking adventure flick that combined the classic mummy with Indiana Jones-style heroics. His sequel, The Mummy Returns however, was a completely different story. The sequel delivered what many had expected of the original, a big, dumb, loud, action movie with more special effects than real adventure.

Whatever your opinion of The Mummy Returns, there is no doubt the film was a hit. So it was no surprise that when Universal decided to revive a few more of their classic characters they would turn to their in-house blockbuster director to deliver a spectacle that would give the classic characters their fist blockbuster big screen treatment. The resulting film is Van Helsing, a 200 million dollar adventure that brings Dracula, Frankenstein and The Wolfman to the screen in ways fans of the classic characters could have never imagined. Whether that is a good thing is up to the individual viewer.

Hugh Jackman stars as Gabriel Van Helsing, legendary hunter of evil. Working on behalf of shadowy figures inside the Vatican, Van Helsing tracks down demons, warlocks and other evil forces that no one but he and the Vatican know exist. His most recent assignment was retrieve the legendary scientist Dr. Jekyll who sadly has been completely overtaken by his alter ego Mr. Hyde (Robbie Coltrane in voice only). The assignment ends badly, once again cementing Van Helsing's outlaw persona amongst everyone but his Vatican handlers.

After regrouping at the Vatican, Van Helsing is teamed with a Friar named Carl (David Wenham) to go to Transylvania where Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) is out to kill the last remnants of an ancient family of vampire killers. The Valerious family has hunted Count Dracula for centuries and now only Anna (Kate Beckinsale) and her brother Velcan (Will Kemp) remain. If Dracula finishes them off the family will remain in purgatory for eternity.

Count Dracula meanwhile is searching for Frankenstein's monster (Shuler Hensley) whose creation is linked to Dracula's ability to give birth to millions of Vampire babies (don't ask why, it doesn't matter). The monster is thought destroyed but hides out beneath the ruins of the windmill which villagers torched in an effort to kill him. Once Dracula finds him, it's up to Van Helsing and Anna to save him before Dracula can use him for evil. Deterring the rescue is Dracula's pet, The Wolfman, whose real identity makes killing him very difficult.

Stephen Sommers not only directed Van Helsing he also wrote the film’s screenplay and this is where the film gets into trouble. While Sommers certainly knows how to incorporate actors and CGI effects into a terrific action scene, his writing is more than suspect. His dialogue is full of plot-point-delivered monologues in which characters deliver backstory in entirely unnecessary speeches that stop the movie dead, if only for a moment, before the next bit of eye candy special effects kick in. Don't even try to make sense of Sommers' plot. He didn't bother so why should we?

Worse than that however are the liberties Sommers takes with the stories of these legendary characters. It's one thing to re-imagine Bram Stoker's aged Dracula hunter Van Helsing as a young stud played by Hugh Jackman, that is to be expected when your trying to turn him into an action hero. With the name change to Gabriel Van Helsing, it's usually Abraham, you could argue it's not even the same character.

It is however, the liberties taken with Count Dracula that are most disturbing. There is a reason why New Coke was a miserable failure. Why KFC does not screw around with it's 11 herbs and spices. Because certain formulas just work as they are and that is the case with Count Dracula. There is a reason the Count has been portrayed in the same way ever since Bram Stoker created him, it's because that is the most compelling and interesting way to portray the character. 

In Sommers' take on the character in the person of actor Richard Roxburgh, the character is a laughable mess that lacks any of the menacing or seductive qualities that made Count Dracula an icon. Roxburgh can draw nothing but derisive laughter with his over the top performance, unarguably the worst Count Dracula ever brought to the screen.

Frankenstein is just as bad, although his look is not bad. Sommers' take on the look of the legendary monster is interesting with just enough of a nod to the original combined with modern effects. However, when the monster speaks he loses all credibility. Yes that's right. The monster speaks! Has there ever been a Frankenstein's monster that chewed scenery like Jeremy Irons on a bender? Well there is one now.

Is the Wolfman even worth talking about? Not really. There isn't much depth to the character or much of any take on the backstory. Though there are new twists on the Wolfman's ability, he is according to this film the only being able to kill Dracula, so that's new. Other than that however, the character of the Wolfman is nothing more than a CGI cartoon much like the Mr. Hyde character which receives an inauspicious death at the beginning of the film. These classic characters deserve better.

Amazingly Sommers, as I mentioned earlier, does know how to shoot a compelling action scene. There are a couple of really good action scenes that combine the best of CGI effects and pure adventure fantasy. However, there are far more effects that just pummel the audience with non-stop visual razzle-dazzle. It all grows rather tiresome, especially at the film’s climax. I can't forget to mention Steven Silvestri's film score that, much like the CGI effects, pounds on the audience begging to be noticed, not a good thing.

I really liked the first Mummy film from Stephen Sommers and Van Helsing has some of that film’s spirit, especially in Hugh Jackman's heroic appearance. Sadly though, too much of Van Helsing reminded me of The Mummy Returns which was also way too wrapped up in it's effects at the expense of it's compelling characters and the adventurous spirit of the first film. A little more adventure and a little less effects and Van Helsing might not make for a bad franchise blockbuster. As it is, Van Helsing is yet another disappointing big, dumb, loud blockbuster lumbering it's way toward a huge opening weekend at the box office.

Movie Review: Vacancy

Vacancy (2007) 

Directed by Nimrod Atol

Written by Mark L. Smith

Starring Luke Wilson, Kate Beckinsale, Frank Whaley, Ethan Embry

Release Date April 20th, 2007

Published April 19th, 2007 

Who doesn't love a good chase movie? Whether it's a car chase or foot chase, there is a natural visceral reaction to watching a chase. It's automatically involving and if really dangerous, invigorating. Film fans reminisce often about the great car chase in The French Connection and, while many would be loath to admit it, the foot chase of Keanu Reeves chasing Patrick Swayze in Point Break is one hell of a stunt sequence.

The new thriller Vacancy starring Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale is one extended chase scene in a limited area with a great pace that leaves little time to catch your breath. Vacancy is a little shallow, not much beyond the chase scenes, but these are some really fun chases.

They should not have gotten off the highway. David Fox (Luke Wilson) and his wife Amy are driving back to L.A after an uncomfortable visit to her parents home. Uncomfortable because they didn't have the heart to tell mom and dad that their marriage is coming to an end. Once they arrive back in Los Angeles they will officially end things.

Getting back to L.A however won't be as easy as they thought. Wanting to get back quickly, David tried to beat heavy highway traffic with a shortcut on some backwoods road. Unfortunately, he can't read a map and soon they are lost. Worse yet, their car is making funny noises. Soon the car is crapped out on the side of the road. The closest service station is closed till the next morning so the couple takes up for the night at the Pinewood Motel, a skeevy little joint that doesn't look like it's had a guest in weeks.

The rooms are infested with cockroaches, the sheets are dirty and TV is broken. That is; except for the VCR which is stacked with tapes. On the tapes are videos that look as if they were shot in the very motel room the couple is occupying but these are no honeymoon night videos, these are snuff films and with cameras in the walls and creeps banging on the doors; David and Amy quickly realize they may be starring in a sequel if they can't find a way out.

Directed by Nimrod Atol, in his first American directorial effort, Vacancy is a chase movie on foot. David and Amy spend much of the film on the run through these little tunnels built beneath the hotel, running from one room to the next and knowing that no matter where they are, they can be seen by the cameras and the bad guys can come in whenever they want. Director Atol takes great advantage of his limited space milking it for tight, claustrophobic close ups that really amp up the tension.

The structure of Vacancy is smart and solid, a great foundation. Act one establishes the characters, act two, the chase begins and act three is even more chasing. Somehow, despite all the running in circles, the film never begins to chase its own tale. The logic is simple, survive or die, the plot needs no more development beyond that simple rationale.

When directors are looking for an actress who can be vulnerable and invulnerable within minutes they look for Kate Beckinsale. The steely star of the Underworld series is underrated as, arguably, the female action star of this decade. She kicks some serious ass in the Underworld movies and in Vacancy she twists from helpless to heedless in a quick emotional burst.

Luke Wilson is the modern day everyman slacker. The everyman of the past was the type of guy you could share a beer with. The new everyman is the kind of guy you could play videogames with before going for some beer and red bull. Wilson. like his protege Vince Vaughn, typifies the modern day everyman with his slacker charm and tousle haired handsomeness.

In Vacancy, Wilson slips his slacker charm in favor of sweat soaked determination. The key to Wilson's performance is that he never slips into action hero mode. There are no sudden bursts of violence, he is not suddenly imbued with the strengths and skills of a navy seal, Wilson's David is just an average guy in a not so average, dangerous situation. His average guy performance gives Vacancy a real, honest suspense. 

Shallow but with a fast pace and two terrific lead performances, Vacancy tells a typical thriller story just a little better than most similar films. Director Nimrod Atol is a little light on the logic but he makes up for it with his style and his quick pacing. Vacancy is not a movie that holds up to much scrutiny and won't stick in the back of your head long after you see it. While it's onscreen however; Vacancy is an exciting, sometimes edge of your seat thriller.

For fans of Wilson and Beckinsale and fans of a good chase thriller, Vacancy is a must see.

Movie Review: Click

Click (2006) 

Directed by Frank Coraci 

Written by Steve Koren, Mark O'Keefe

Starring Adam Sandler, Christopher Walken, Kate Beckinsale, David Hasselhoff 

Release Date June 23rd, 2006 

Published June 22nd, 2006 

Adam Sandler and Frank Coraci have worked together enough to have developed an assembly line approach to their work. From The Wedding Singer, to The Waterboy and now Click they have developed a certain formula to their work that is undeniably popular with the Sandler cult but has grown more than wearying for the rest of us.

The sad thing about their latest teaming, Click, is that such a promising idea gets chewed up and spit out in the Sandler-Coraci assembly line; turning a clever high concept into just another lowbrow Sandler disappointment.

Adam Sandler stars in Click as Michael Newman; a harried architect whose main focus in life is success. Feeling that being highly successful in his career will someday earn him the time he needs to spend with his family, Michael ignores his family in order to provide for them. His wife Donna (Kate Beckinsale) is rather clueless to Michael's need for success and her constant nagging about spending time with the family is Michael's main source of stress, outside of work.

One night when Michael actually gets a few moments of peace and intends to watch a little TV he finds that there are so many remote controls in the room he can't even turn on the TV let alone watch. This leads to a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond (in the ultimate bit of brand placement), and a trip to the Beyond section where a wild haired scientist named Morty (a perfectly cast Christopher Walken) sets Michael up with the ultimate universal remote control.

Once home with his new remote Michael slowly discovers its amazing abilities. The mute button can mute real sounds, like the dog barking or his kids screaming. The pause button can stop time and coolest of all the fast forward button allows Michael to skip those moments of his life that are keeping him from getting his work done.

Unfortunately for Michael he did not realize that he is in the comic version of a Twilight Zone episode. He doesn't realize that such a gift has to come with certain flaws and drawbacks. After fast forwarding through everything from getting ready for work in the morning to fights with his wife to even sex with his wife, Michael finds the remote jumping ahead for him. Like setting the preferences on a TIVO the remote learns and assumes Michael's preferences and soon large chunks of his life have passed unknown to him.

Click has a killer premise that Sandler and director Frank Coraci fumble miserably because of their slavish devotion to the juvenile behavior that made them so successful and an inability to really dig beneath the surface of this potentially fascinating idea. They seem to understand that they have a great idea but beyond that they have no interest in or no idea how to dig into it.

Click spends it's first two acts showing us the various little things that the remote can do, like Sandler using the color mapping to turn himself into The Hulk, or stopping time so his son can get revenge on a nasty little kid. Then in the third act, once it's revealed what the dangers of the remote are, rather than dig deeply into the sad, inherently tragic elements of this device; the film simply turns maudlin. Sandler and Coraci imitate depth without ever achieving it.

The comic potential of Click is at times well realized. The scenes in which Christopher Walken as the wacky scientist explains the various features of the remote are very clever, especially the commentary feature with James Earl Jones (though nowadays Morgan Freeman would be the funnier reference). I also loved the trip back through Michael's life as Walken explains the rewind function. Sandler's exaggerated response to watching his birth and conception are terrifically funny moments in an otherwise laugh free film.

Christopher Walken nearly steals the picture as the wacky professor. Though he does not get one of his classic oddball monologues, Walken still manages to be Walken-esque. With the wild hair and wilder eyes, Walken, along with Sandler veteran Henry Winkler as Michael's dad, seem to be the only actors really having fun with this material.

If someone can tell me why Kate Beckinsale was cast in this film, aside from her obvious beauty, you are a better man than I. Beckinsale's role is barely more than a cameo. When Sandler's Michael isn't fast forwarding through their time together; she is relegated to the role of the whining wife belaboring the point that Michael is never home and is abandoning his family. Beckinsale is far too talented and far too interesting for such a minor role.

One of the biggest problems I have with Click is likely something that Sandler fans were perfectly satisfied with. That is Sandler and Coraci's inescapable need for juvenile bathroom humor. As in every Sandler film you have a dog that humps everything, actually this time I believe it's more than one, and in another scene Sandler can't help but stop time so he can jump on his boss's desk and fart in his face.

Oh, did I mention that the boss is played by David Hasselhoff, something Sandler and Coraci seem to believe is funny simply because he's David Hasselhoff.

Then, in the third act, the film wants to be credibly dramatic. Are you kidding me! How am I supposed to feel sympathy, empathy or even pity for such a wretched character and such a wretchedly juvenile picture. Click simply asks far more of an audience than anyone, save the Sandler cult, is likely willing to give.

What a waste. A smart concept in the hands of a pair of lowbrow millionaires, Click is a sad waste of time and talent, atleast the talents of Beckinsale and Walken. The lowbrow aesthete of Click is perfectly suited to Sandler who seems content to waste his gifts on dogs humping and fart jokes. It's a shame he had to waste this terrific idea for a movie with him.

Movie Review: Underworld Evolution

Underworld Evolution (2006) 

Directed by Len Wiseman 

Written by Danny McBride 

Starring Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Bill Nighy, Michael Sheen

Release Date January 20th, 2006

Published January 19th, 2006 

2003's Underworld began with a cool comic book fantasy premise. The idea? A war between vampires and werewolves. It's an idea that had horror fanboys creaming their shorts in anticipation of the long dreamed battle between two of literature's iconic villains. Unfortunately, with a first time director Len Wiseman at the helm, Underworld flailed and ultimately faltered in a hail of bullets and blue light. The novice director never got a handle on how iconic his subject matter was and instead became enamored of finding new ways to exploit the, ahem, virtues of his star Kate Beckinsale. And what virtues they are.

That film may have failed its central idea but, as a masturbation fantasy on home video, the film became a hit and less than two years later we get Underworld: Evolution. Filled with more fabulous shots of the leather clad Ms. Beckinsale, including one near nude scene, Underworld: Evolution once again fails its premise but does manage to reaffirm how hot Beckinsale is in tight black leather.

The first Underworld introduced us to our heroine Selene (Kate Beckinsale), a leather clad badass vampire who calls herself a death dealer. Her job is to hunt and kill the vampire's ancient enemy, the Lycan (werewolf for the uninitiated). By the end of the film she and her new man Michael (Scott Speedman), a newly created vamp/Lycan hybrid, had uncovered a shattering conspiracy and became outlaws on the run from both vampire and werewolf alike.

Evolution picks up where the first film left off with Selene and Michael seeking shelter and much needed blood. Unbeknownst to our heroes, another even more powerful vampire elder, the legendary Marcus (Tony Curran), has awakened and is searching for Selene. She, or more to the point her blood, holds the key to the secret of Marcus' brother's whereabouts. Marcus' brother happens to be the very first and deadliest werewolf in history. Marcus intends on freeing his brother and taking over the world.

It's not a great plot, in fact it's barely a passable plot. Len Wiseman, who wrote and directed the first film and contributed the story for this film, seems to have only one real obvious talent, and that talent is filming Kate Beckinsale, who happens to be his wife. The two met on the set of the first film and were married soon after production wrapped.

It's not hard to make Kate Beckinsale look good, her natural assets outlined in tight black leather are more than enough. Wiseman's camera, however, finds ways to accentuate her natural beauty to a distracting degree. Underworld: Evolution features a really hot sex scene between Michael and Selene that no doubt made the ultimate difference in the film's R-rating.

So with all of the issues I have with the plotting and some of the important technical aspects on the filmmaking side, what is it about Underworld: Evolution that I loved?

Underworld: Evolution picks up where the original Underworld left off with an unrelenting pace. After a brief respite resetting the vampire/lycan history, the film starts running fast and never stops. Ok, so vampires shooting at each other seems as odd as it did in the first film but, at the very least, there are a lot of bullets and they invariably hit their mark spilling buckets of CGI blood.

The violence of Underworld: Evolution is cartoonish and over the top but it works because there is so much of it. The fight scenes between Selene and Marcus and Michael and a giant CGI werewolf are goofy but still manage to be a lot of fun. When a downed helicopter with still spinning blades is introduced into the fight you just know some awesome carnage is soon to come, and Evolution does not disappoint.

Despite improving on the original Underworld, Evolution fails its super cool premise the same way the first film did. That is disappointing, but the film makes up for some of that disappointment by providing the kind of classic, highly stylized, extremely bloody violence that made me love horror films as a kid. Forget that horror porn garbage, give me classic, balls-out, over the top gore and save the mysoginistic insights into man's inhumanity to man for some unpleasant college course.

Underworld: Evolution is not nearly a great film but, compared to recent offerings in the horror genre, it's a breath of fresh bloody gore.

Movie Review: Underworld

Underworld (2003) 

Directed by Len Wiseman 

Written by Danny McBride 

Starring Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy 

Release Date September 19th, 2003 

Published September 18th, 2003 

It sounded like such a great idea. A Romeo and Juliet style romance set against the backdrop of a war between vampires and werewolves. How could that not be endlessly cool! In the hands of director Len Wiseman, what sounded so cool in brief plot description becomes an overwrought, derivative genre piece that disappoints on so many levels.

Kate Beckinsale stars as Selene, a vampire whose gig is killing werewolves. You see, for years behind the backs of humans, vampires and werewolves have been waging a brutal and bloody war. Most recently the vampires had been dominant, but a new pack of werewolves has come to town with all sorts of new toys to kill vamps and a plan to unite the two species.

The key to the plot is a young doctor named Michael (Felicity's ineffectual dope Scott Speedman). Michael may or may not be the descendent of an unholy tryst between a werewolf and a vampire. His blood could hold the key to creating a super race that would end the war. After Michael and Selene's life, she makes it her mission to protect him, and as it happens, she falls in love with him.

Beckinsale decked out in black leather and big shiny guns not surprisingly evokes Trinity from The Matrix and like that supposedly "deep" film, Underworld has some high-minded ideals of its own. Beneath its surface of vamps and wolves are elements of Shakespeare, Greek tragedy and a vague allusion to the futility of war.

Unfortunately, it's all swathed in this illusion of cool. Outfitting the film in the look of The Matrix and siphoning off the classic appeal of all things Goth, the film buries its ideals beneath bullets, blood and worst of all, leaden dialogue.

The film’s first half an hour or so is quite interesting, showing vampires dominating werewolves, which is a true Goth fantasy. A group of pallid skinny Goths dominating big brutish bullies is straight out of some Cure fan’s wet dream.

For her part, Beckinsale is an effective heroine, believably tough and ruthless when she has to be. Her co-star Scott Speedman on the other hand is a wet blanket, a weepy, whiny wuss who can't even transform into a half vampire/half werewolf and not get beat up. Speedman has the look and the physique to play the part but the same soppiness that marked his character on the show Felicity is on display again in Underworld.

There is a good movie to be made from this setup. Clearly, the idea of vampires fighting werewolves has an endless appeal to fans of the genre. Underworld squanders this plot with overwrought cliches and too much black leather and bullets.

Movie Review: Contraband

Contraband (2012) 

Directed by Baltasar Kormakur 

Written by Aaron Guzikowski

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Kate Beckinsale, Giovanni Ribisi, Caleb Landry Jones, J.K Simmons, Ben Foster 

Release Date January 12th, 2012 

Published January 11th, 2012 

Contraband is a mediocre action movie that rises above mediocre because Mark Wahlberg is so darn compelling. I've been a Mark Wahlberg fan for years; despite his having starred in such duds as The Happening, Maxx Payne, and Shooter. Wahlberg simply has that intangible star quality that makes you want to follow him on whatever film journey he's taking. Contraband could not survive with a lesser star.

Chris Farraday (Wahlberg) was once known as the Houdini of the smuggling world. With his sidekick Sebastian (Ben Foster), Farraday could smuggle anything without ever getting caught. Now, Farraday is a civilian, running his own security company, happily married to Kate (Kate Beckinsale) and raising two sons. He’s gone soft, he’s gone legit, and anyone who’s ever seen a movie about a bad guy gone good already knows where Contraband is headed. 

Yup, Farraday is dragged back into the smuggling underworld when his boneheaded brother in law Andy (Caleb Landry Jones) pulls a drug smuggling job and ends up dumping the drugs in the river when Customs boards his boat. Not surprisingly, Andy's employer, Briggs (Giovanni Ribisi), is none too happy and he wants Chris to pay Andy's debt or else. Pulled back into the business, Farraday calls on Sebastian for one more run. 

There are no surprises in this set up; Contraband is not original or unexpected. What works in Contraband is the businesslike, conservative approach of director Baltasar Kormakur who gets down to the business of smuggling with only the most necessary bits of exposition. When Mark Wahlberg and his crew finally get on a ship ready to smuggle the pace is methodical and to the point.

Giovanni Ribisi is not exactly the most intimidating bad guy one could imagine and this does undermine a few scenes where he's supposed to be playing tough. One scene that will test an audience's ability to suspend belief finds the wiry Ribisi pushing around Kate Beckinsale. Anyone who's seen and enjoyed the Underworld movies knows Kate Beckinsale could snap Ribisi like a twig if she wanted.

(Yes, I'm aware that movie magic makes Beckinsale a badass vampire in "Underworld;" I was being cute.)

The key to raising Contraband above other, similar action thrillers is Mark Wahlberg. Since his bold and ballsy Oscar nominated work in The Departed Wahlberg has really come into his own as a movie star and that movie star quality is the one thing working in favor of Contraband. Without Mark Wahlberg, Contraband is an exceptionally average movie. See "Contraband" for Mark Wahlberg or maybe to chuckle at Giovanni Ribisi's tattooed tough guy; both are strong reasons to see "Contraband."