Movie Review: Bangkok Dangerous

Bangkok Dangerous (2008) 

Directed by The Pang Brothers

Written by The Pang Brothers 

Starring Nicolas Cage, Charlie Yeung

Release Date September 5th, 2008

Published September 5th, 2008

The Nicolas Cage bad hair hypothesis goes something like this. In Leaving Las Vegas, arguably Cage's finest work, his hair looks relatively normal. In the goofball actioner Con Air; Cage's hair is a salt and pepper mullet. In Matchstick Men; Cage's sartorial look is tight to the skull and looks good. In Next Cage goes with a big forehead and extensions in the back and the movie is as foolish as his hairstyle. For his latest action flick Bangkok Dangerous, Cage has gone back to the giant forehead, long weave in the back look and as per the hypothesis, the movie is as ludicrous as the hair.

Bangkok Dangerous stars Nicolas Cage as Joe, an international assassin for hire. Needless to say, Joe is not his real name. Joe is a ghost. Moving from place to place killing for whomever pays, Joe has become a relatively wealthy man. His latest job will be his most lucrative to date. Hired in Thailand to kill four men in a single week, Joe looks to make the score of his career.

With so much work and the secret of his identity to keep, Joe hires a local named Kong (Shahkrit Hannarm) to be his courier. The wide eyed Kong was a mere street thief but after meeting Joe he decides he wants to learn to be a killer. Eventually, Kong becomes Joe's student. Though this breaks his rule of no personal attachments, Joe can't help but see a little of himself in Kong.

Breaking another rule, Joe finds himself falling for a deaf, mute pharmacy worker who helps him with a cut on his arm. She is told that he is a banker but soon she will witness his true profession. The plot turns on Joe having to decide whether he will kill a rising political star or heed Kong's warning that the man is a true man of the people.

Danny and Oxide Pang already made this movie. Produced in 1999, the original Bangkok Dangerous is allegedly exciting, action packed and carries an emotional wallop. The new Bangkok Dangerous is a lumbering, clumsy, dull movie that has one impactful scene at the very end but by then, trust me, you won't care all that much.

Bored nearly to sleep by Cage's laconic voiceover and yawning attempt at looking intense, I could not help but become obsessed with that ridiculous looking haircut. I know that making fun of personal appearance is not really the realm of a movie critic, especially one with my colicky do, but I must say the hair was distracting.

Wearing a weave of black hair extensions that cling desperately to what little real hair Cage has left, the style is something akin to mangy black lab spray painted here and there but clearly losing it's hair. Look, I feel for Nic Cage. No man wants to lose his hair. With Bruce Willis having beat him to the bald look, Cage has little choice but to try and cling to what little hair he has and what he can try and attach to what is left.

Nicolas Cage's hair aside, the most damning sin of Bangkok Dangerous is being an absolute snooze. Why, if the movie were any good I might not have noticed Cage's haircut at all. OK, that's not true. But it might not be the dominant memory of the movie. As it is, Cage's cut is the perfect metaphor for the film itself, a ludicrous attempt to cling to the remains of something that came and went years ago. (the original Bangkok Dangerous came out in 1999).

Movie Review: The Messengers

The Messengers (2007)

Directed by The Pang Brothers 

Written by Mark Wheaton

Starring Kristen Stewart, Dylan McDermott, Penelope Ann Miller, John Corbett 

Release Date February 2nd, 2007

Published February 1st, 2007

The two worst things to happen to modern horror are the rise of the PG-13 rating as a box office force and the rising influence of atmospheric Japanese horror movies. The PG-13 rips the guts out of the genre by not allowing guts to be ripped out on screen anymore. The rating robs the genre of its kink and cheap thrills and leaves nothing but the shrill screams of the soundtrack.

The influence of Japanese horror wouldn't be such a bad thing if American filmmakers could mimic it well. Unfortunately, as demonstrated by two The Ring's and two Grudge movies and the pitiful Dark Water with Jennifer Connelly, clearly we can't. Both of these bad trends come together in the latest haunted house horror flick The Messengers.

The last thing young Jess (Kristen Stewart) wants is to move to the middle of nowhere, North Dakota. Unfortunately for Jess, her dad Roy (Dylan McDermott) and mom Denise (Penelope Ann Miller), are forcing her to do just that. Dad has decided he is going to become a sunflower farmer and has used the family's savings to buy a dilapidated farmhouse and some empty acres.

Naturally, the house was once the site of a grizzly murder. A mother, her daughter, and young son, were killed in this house and their spirits haven't left. Only Jess's baby brother Ben can see the ghosts, though eventually, Jess gets up close and personal when they try and kill her. Joining the family on the farm is a mysterious wandering farmhand named Burwell (John Corbett) who may or may not have some history of his own tied up in the old house.

Commercials for The Messengers trade on the idea that small children, toddlers, can see things adults can't. It's an attention grabbing conceit. However, it has nothing to do with the movie that ends up on the screen. Yes, there is a toddler in the film and yes he does see the ghosts. However, the fact that the kid can see the ghosts has little, to no impact on the plot, it's more of a marketing tool intended to make you think of better movies in which kids see ghosts, The Sixth Sense. 

Director's Danny and Oxide Pang made the awkward but entertaining Japanese horror flick The Eye and now make their American debut with The Messengers. The new movie shares the debut picture's awkward style and low rent effects. What The Messengers lacks; and what The Eye had in abundance, is an original story. Working with first time writer Mark Wheaton, and from an idea from the man behind Jason X; Todd Farmer, the Pang Brothers deliver an uninspired bit of by the numbers direction.

There is some unintentional comedy in The Messengers, though not nearly enough for real camp fun. In one scene Dylan McDermott gets into it with some crows and ends up having to throw a haymaker at one, a dignity destroying bit of physical business. In another, John Corbett is engulfed by the evil black birds, reminiscent of a scene from The Simpsons in which Homer is attacked by crows. Oh, did I mention the fact that these bizarre bird attacks are entirely random and never actually linked to the plot? That's kind of important.

The special effects of The Messengers are about as bad as the directors fetish for black birds. The ghosts of The Messengers are The Grudge knockoffs with cracking bones and crawling on all fours on floors, walls and ceilings. Each has that very obvious digital glow about them that let's the audience know the filmmakers didn't have the money for the top notch digital effects.

The Messengers is a mindless rehash of a dozen other bad horror movies from The Ring and The Grudge to the long forgotten Sharon Stone-Dennis Quaid teaming Cold Creek Manor whose creators might consider looking into copyright infringement, the stories are so similar. The estate of the late great Alfred Hitchcock might consider litigation as well. considering The Messengers' oddball, non-plot related, bird obsession.

However, relating anything Hitchcock-ian to this thrill-less thriller is a little too insulting to the great master. Forget I ever brought it up, just as you would forget The Messengers moments after seeing it.