Movie Review Next Goal Wins

Next Goal Wins (2023)

Directed by Taika Waititi 

Written by Taika Waititi, Iain Morris 

Starring Michael Fassbender, Kaimana, Oscar Kightley, Elisabeth Moss, Will Arnett 

Release Date November 17th, 2023

Published November 20th, 2023 

Next Goal Wins stars Michael Fassbender as disgraced former Dutch Football Coach, Thomas Rongen. Having been fired from his coaching job for repeated angry outbursts and his team losing... a lot, Rongen finds himself at a unique crossroad. He's given the option to either leave the world of Soccer completely or take on the job as the new head coach for the worst soccer team in the world, American Samoa. Not to be confused with the independent nation of Samoa, American Samoa is a tiny island that is under the auspices of American rule, a territory not unlike Puerto Rico. 

The American Samoa soccer team hasn't scored a goal in international play. The team is most famous for a World Cup qualifying loss to Australia in the early 2000s in which they gave up 31 goals. The team is hard working but that is mostly because each team member has three jobs on top of being on the national soccer team. So, yeah, there are many challenges in this position. Naturally, the cantankerous Mr. Rongen is not exactly in sync with the ways of American Samoa. For Thomas, winning is everything. For American Samoa, winning is not the point of playing or living. 

From the start of Next Goal Wins, Taika Waititi sets the bar incredibly low for drama. In a scene in which Thomas Rongen meets the head of American Samoa's soccer organization, Tavita, played by the wonderful Oscar Kightley, we learn that the goal for American Samoa is not winning a game. Rather, the stakes at hand are scoring a single goal in in international play. That's it, one goal in an actual game and Thomas Rongen can write himself into the history books of American Samoa's soccer history. That's the wonderfully low stakes and with that out of the way, we can focus on characters. 

Read my full length review at Cleats.Media

Movie Review: Did You Hear About the Morgan's?

Did You Hear About The Morgans? (2009) 

Directed by Marc Lawrence 

Written by Marc Lawrence

Starring Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sam Elliott, Mary Steenburgen, Elisabeth Moss

Release Date December 18th, 2009

Published December 18th, 2009

Hugh Grant's usual charm combines with Sarah Jessica Parker doing a variation on her Sex and the City persona to craft an overly familiar romantic comedy in the uninspired “Did You Hear About the Morgans?” Directed by Marc Lawrence, this witless fish out of water story invites more scorn than it deserves as it limps to its conclusion.

The Morgans, Meryl (Parker) and Paul (Hugh Grant), split up several months ago. Paul cheated while on a business trip and Meryl rightly gave him the boot. Paul, despite his one time indiscretion, wants desperately to get his wife back or, at the very least, have dinner with her. When Meryl finally relents the two have an exceptionally awkward dinner followed by a walk in the rain that seems only to divide them further.

Unfortunately for both Morgans the walk ends with them witnessing a murder and, having got an up close look at the killer, they are now prime witnesses in a major murder case. How major? The feds want the Morgans in witness relocation. Over their repeated objections the Morgans are soon on a plane for Ray Wyoming a town that would comprise about two blocks of New York City.

The Morgans are welcomed by their new protectors, the town Sheriff Clay (Sam Elliott) and his deputy and wife Emma (Mary Steenburgen). Let the fish out of water fun commence! If by fun you mean listening to Meryl complain about everything that is not New York and watching Paul attempt to charm a grizzly bear into not eating him.

”Did You Hear About the Morgans?” was a bad movie from the moment that writer-director Marc Lawrence chose the hoary conceit that is witness protection. The ‘been there-done that’ factor of witness protection comedies is off the chart. Only the least inventive of filmmakers would attempt to plumb these depths. Then again, Marc Lawrence did write the script for both Miss Congeniality movies.

I could sit here and take potshots at “Did You Hear About the Morgans?” all day, that would be easy. The fact is, however, that even with the ancient plot device the film is somewhat pleasant in tone and Hugh Grant can still bring it even in the weakest, most familiar of roles. Yes, he could play Paul in his sleep and launch the same self-deprecating jibes but you will laugh at them.

You won't laugh loud, long or all that much but you will laugh and smile a few times during “Did You Hear About the Morgans?” Grant is a star whose ability to poke fun at himself seems an endless well of material. That said, the whole of “Did You Hear About the Morgans?” remains stale, predictable and not worth the price of a theater ticket.