Movie Review: Alvin and The Chipmunks Squeakquel

Alvin and The Chipmunks Squeakquel (2009) 

Directed by Betty Thomas 

Written by Jon Vitti, Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger 

Starring David Cross, Jason Lee, Justin Long, Zachary Levi

Release Date December 23rd, 2009

Published December 22nd, 2009

2007's Alvin and the Chipmunks was an ugly exercise in low humor that had no business appealing to our children but succeeded thanks to the laziness of American parents, those unyielding masses who refuse to check what they expose their children to. That inability to nip the Chipmunks in the bud after one movie has lead to a second film, not so cleverly dubbed 'The Squeakquel.'

So, now the Chipmunks are back and somehow I am not clawing my eyes out. Don't misunderstand, I still am not willing to recommend the experience of these CGI rodents latest adventure but under the middling talents of director Betty Thomas The Squeakquel is far superior to the execrable original.

As we rejoin the Chipmunks they are still huge international stars performing sold out shows in front of screaming teenagers. Naturally, Alvin (voice of Justin Long) remains his mischievous self, vamping for the crowd and generally calling attention to himself ahead of all else. Alvin's antics at a benefit concert in Paris get really out of control and lead to his adoptive dad Dave (poor, poor Jason Lee) nearly being crippled by an Alvin sign. 

With Dave laid up in Paris for a while the boys are sent home to the care of their Aunt Jackie (Kathryn Joosten) until she too is laid up by accident, this one involving her layabout nephew Toby (Zachary Levi). This leaves Toby to care for Alvin, Simon (voice of Matthew Gray Gubler) and Theodore (Jesse McCartney) as they go off to school for the first time.

Yes, the Chipmunks are going to High School where they will encounter bullies, sports and most importantly girls and not just any girls, oh no dear reader, the Chipettes. Brittany (Christina Applegate), Jeanette (Anna Faris) and Eleanor (Amy Poehler) are talking female Chipmunks who also happen to be talented singers. Unfortunately, the girls are under the control of the nefarious record exec Ian (David Cross) who plots to use the girls to gain revenge on the Chipmunks (Ian was the villain of the first film, for those who were not aware).

All things come to a head, naturally, at a singing competition and charity performance that pits the Chipmunks vs. the Chipettes. Meanwhile, Alvin's ego after joining a popular click puts the boys performance in jeopardy. Can the Chipmunks overcome the odds to win the contest? Will Alvin learn a valuable lesson about family, loyalty and respect? Do you really give a damn?

There is only one question an adult should be asking themselves about a movie like Alvin and the Chipmunks and that is : Will it somehow corrupt my children? The simple answer is no, it will not. Though I find the film to be another dreary example of the decline of children's entertainment, Alvin is mostly inoffensive.

The very typical, simpleminded value reinforcement that is Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel is just the kind of mild, forgettable distraction that works to anesthetize children for 80 minutes without turning them into murderers or thieves, a condition I honestly do believe involves exposure to lesser forms of entertainment like the previous Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.

Director Betty Thomas has never been a great director but she is a professional and far more caring than the director of the first film who shall remain unnamed by me (It's not really a protest, I just don't feel any inclination to actually seek the name of the director of Alvin and the Chipmunks, really if you care to know, why are you reading this.) Thomas, at the very least makes this Alvin and the Chipmunks one that doesn't make me want to vomit, that's something.

Ms. Thomas even made this film a charitable event. Making cameos in Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel are a version of the wonderful Save the Music Foundation, a group dedicated to keeping the arts in school, and Toys for Tots, a tremendous organization that gives free toys to poor children.

Exposing these two groups in a major studio blockbuster damn near makes the mess of Alvin and the Chipmunks worth it. I still cannot recommend the film, especially while it competes with far superior family entertainment like Princess and the Frog and The Blind Side. However, for those so inclined to see Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel you won't be offended and your kids will likely have forgotten about it by next week. That's really the best anyone can ask of this budding franchise.

Movie Review John Tucker Must Die

John Tucker Must Die (2006) 

Directed by Betty Thomas

Written by Jeff Lowell

Starring Jesse Metcalf, Brittany Snow, Ashanti, Sophia Bush, Arielle Kebbel, Penn Badgley, Jenny McCarthy, Taylor Kitsch 

Release Date July 28th, 2006 

Published July 29th, 2006 

The most striking thing about the new teen comedy John Tucker Must Die is its impressive online ad campaign. Taking full advantage of the zeitgeist grabbing MySpace.com, the producers of John Tucker Must Die created the films official website on MySpace. They recruited teens in the films target demo to spread word about the film on their blogs and on MySpace message boards and they plastered every inch of the site with pictures of star Jesse Metcalf whose hunky visage was the selling point for the films target audience of teenage girls.

By the time the film actually arrived in theaters it really didn't matter if the film was any good, the marketing had worked like gangbusters in turning out the exact audience demo the studio had been trying to attract.

Now that that is out of the way the question remains; is the film any good? It's not a simple answer. On the one hand I as a 30 year old male film critic felt the picture was derivative, lazy and not nearly as funny as it thinks it is. On the other hand, watching the film in a theater crowded with teen girls cackling at the films every turn of plot, I can't deny the film is effective in many ways.

Jesse Metcalf is the titular star of John Tucker Must Die but the lead role actually belongs to Brittany Snow as Kate. Always the new girl, thanks to her mom (Jenny McCarthy) and her misadventures with men, Kate arrives at yet another new school once again as an outcast. Being her usual anonymous self, Kate flies below the radar observing the goings on at her new school and particularly the goings on surrounding the school super-stud John Tucker.

Tucker is captain of the basketball team and is currently dating the head cheerleader Heather (Ashanti), the valedictorian Carrie (Arielle Kebbel) and the schools top causehead Beth (Sophia Bush). Because the girls run in different circles they know nothing of each other and John Tucker. Kate knows because John has taken each of them to the restaurant where she works.

One day John's girls are fatefully thrown together and one just happens to mention John. All hell breaks loose between the three girls and eventually engulfs poor Kate. Asking the logical question why they are beating on each other when it's John they should be mad at, Kate sets in motion a plot to get revenge on the cheating, lying John Tucker.

The plot and poster might give one the impression of a dark comedy about a high school murder plot. Unfortunately, John Tucker Must Die is not nearly as ambitious as its title. The girl's revenge plot is more mean spirited than it is vengeful. The early plotting involves turning John into the poster boy for STD's, spiking his water with estrogen and tricking him into wearing a thong in front of all of his buddies.

When none of these plots is able to derail the surprisingly resilient John Tucker, the girls hatch one final plot. After John finally breaks up with each of the three plotters, they decide to turn Kate into John's ultimate fantasy girl. Using their inside knowledge of his likes and dislikes, they will get John to fall for Kate and then have her dump him like he dumped them.

My plot description is a little more straightforward than the film itself which is often distracted ogling its supermodel cast. There is no one in the cast of high school age and rarely do you see a face that does not belong on a magazine cover. Seriously, what planet is this movie from planet Maxim in the FHM universe. It's difficult to take anything in the film seriously when you are distracted by more than fifty of Maxim magazine's future and even former cover girls (star Arielle Krebbel is one of Maxim's top 100 hotties).

Like so many broad teen comedies, John Tucker Must Die wants it both ways. It wants to be broadly comic but also have honest pathos and characters we care about. Well, you can't have it both ways. Director Betty Thomas and writer Jeff Lowell needed to make up their minds at some point and decide if John Tucker Must Die was going to be a dark teen comedy a la Mean Girls or a more sensitive but broad film like those awful Freddie Prinze Jr movies from the late 90's early 2000's.

Is this American Pie or a movie Hillary Duff turned down. John Tucker Must Die doesn't know what it wants to be. Thus it winds up a beaten mutt of a movie with elements of any number of different movies with no real center of its own.  

With all of the obvious problems of this film I certainly cannot and will not recommend it. However, I can't completely write the film off either. Watching the film with a nearly sold out audience filled with girls from 12-16 who roared with laughter throughout, I could not help but be struck by the effect the film had on its target demographic.

I'm not actually sure if I am impressed or a little frightened by how well John Tucker Must Die hits with teen girls. It tests so well that it must have been tested to death upon its initial completion so that each scene would hit the target audience just right. A scientific approach to filmmaking that I find terribly disturbing. I'm honestly conflicted. On the one hand, who am I to deny people a calculated good time? On the other hand this is not art in any way shape or form.

There likely was little to no artistic effort put into crafting John Tucker Must Die. It is a product tested and sold to a market of consumers pre-destined to want to consume and enjoy it. A filmic symbol of our mechanistic society that meets the exact needs of consumers no matter what needs they may be. This mechanism however robs us of humanity and experience.

Watching a film should be an experience that reaches out to the audience and leaves them with a sense of having been a part of something, like all great art. Movies like John Tucker Must Die are merely mass consumed quantities like popcorn or chocolate bars. Easily digested and disposed of. They contain minor pleasures and empty calories but leave no trace of themselves later.

An example of what I hate about modern Hollywood, John Tucker Must Die is the ultimate in product placement. The product just happens to be the film itself rather than a McDonalds or Coca Cola. John Tucker Must Die is itself a mass consumer product of disposable value and forgettable minor pleasures. The ad campaign and MySpace site may have a place in marketing history, but the film is more forgettable than that bag of fritos you finished off sometime ago and cast into the abyss of an empty garbage can destined for a landfill.