Movie Review The Dark Tower

The Dark Tower (2017) 

Directed by Nikolaj Arcel

Written by Akiva Goldsman, Jeff Pinkner, Anders Thomas Jensen, Nikolaj Arcel

Starring Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Jackie Earl Haley

Release Date August 4th, 2017 

To whomever said that Stephen King’s epic novel The Dark Tower was un-adaptable to the big screen, we owe you a Coke. The supremely silly movie sequel to King’s dense Dark Tower book series is an embarrassment to all involved from King to director Nicolaj Arcel to Academy Award winning star Matthew McConaughey and Academy Award nominated producer Ron Howard, who for some reason passed on directing The Dark Tower himself; golly, I can’t imagine why?

The work of the prolific Mr. King seems to resist adaptation in the same way a country might resist an invading army. Don’t misunderstand, some have managed to pull off the trick; Stanley Kubrick made The Shining, though Stephen King hated his adaptation; Frank Darabont did okay with The Green Mile but again, King hated that one as well and even The Shawshank Redemption wasn’t beloved by the creator even as audiences loved it. Of the 50 or so King properties made into television or feature films, only a handful have turned out watchable and The Dark Tower is not one of those movies.

Idris Elba is the star of The Dark Tower as Roland the Eld, a Gunslinger living on a Middle Earth where everything has been lost to some sort of apocalypse started by the evil Walter (Matthew McConaughey), a sorcerer(?) bent on destroying the Dark Tower which stands in the middle of a dozen or so galaxies and protects from the ultimate evil beyond the stars. Standing alongside Roland is teenager Jake Chambers (Tom Taylor) whose visionary nightmares brought him to this middle earth, not the Lord of the Rings one, a Stephen King one, where he hopes to prevent the apocalypse on his version of Earth(?). (The movie is such a mess it's impossible to say whether Walter is a sorcerer or what Jake's motivations truly are, hence all the question marks.)

The Dark Tower was director by Nicolaj Arcel who seems entirely over-matched by this material. Arcel’s previous effort was the studious period piece A Royal Affair and it showed he could wrangle a sweet period piece romance but I am not sure what producer Ron Howard saw in that film that led them to believe Arcel could marshal the silliness of The Dark Tower into anything other than another abominable Stephen King adaptation.

Poor Matthew McConaughey takes it on the chin for the cast of The Dark Tower. While Taylor has youth as an excuse and while Elba can fall back on the cool Gunslinger persona, McConaughey is adrift as the ultimate evil, Walter. Sure, he’s also referred to as The Man in Black but even then, his costume includes a long coat with shoulder pads that make him look more 80s Dynasty diva than ultimate evil. Why they decided that the ultimate evil, worse than the Devil, Roland claims, should be called Walter is one of several bizarre decisions made by the creators of The Dark Tower. Sure, that could be something from King's book but even then, they could have written that part out of the movie considering how this is a follow-up to the books and not a straight adaptation.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Alita Battle Angel

Alita Battle Angel (2019) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Written by James Cameron, Laeta Kalogridis

Starring Christoph Waltz, Rosa Salazar, Jennifer Connelly, Mahershala Ali, Ed Skrein, Jackie Earl Haley

Release Date February 14th, 2019

Published February 14th, 2019

Alita Battle Angel has been the dream of director-producer James Cameron for a number of years. While he’d placed the project on the backburner to focus on his Avatar franchise, Cameron never stopped loving Yukito Kishiro’s unique comic universe. Though he eventually walked away from directing Alita Battle Angel, Cameron can be credited for keeping the idea alive as a film property and that life is now realized with director Robert Rodriguez bringing Alita to the big screen. 

Alita Battle Angel is a CGI part live action adventure starring unknown newcomer Rosa Salazar as the titular Alita. Alita is a cyborg warrior who was found mostly dead and forgotten in a junkyard by Dr Dyson Ido (Christoph Waltz). Dr Ido put Alita back together inside the cyborg body that he’d once intended to give to his daughter. In this body, Alita is essentially, in many ways just a teenage girl but because of her cyborg heart, she has a quickness and fighting acumen that rivals any man. 

Slowly, Alita begins to regain her memory. After a particularly dramatic and violent moment in which she realizes she has serious violent tendencies, Alita remembers that she was once a warrior and now she wants to put that side of herself to good use as a bounty hunter. This is something Dr Ido strongly opposes but he cannot stop here. At the same time, Alita has also begun entering a romantic relationship with a flesh and blood human named Hugo (Keean Johnson). 

Both Hugo and Dr Ido have secrets that they are keeping from Alita, secrets that will be revealed and shape the early plot of Alita Battle Angel. It’s these secrets that tie in the other supporting players in this adventure including Chiren (Jennifer Connelly) a fellow doctor who takes a keen interest in Alita and the dangerous Vector (Mahershala Ali) who acts as the eyes and ears and event the occasional avatar of the film’s true big bad, named Nova. I won’t spoil the cameo of the big name actor who plays Nova as the film spoils it in remarkable fashion. 

Not spoil in the sense of revealing something too soon. Rather, the way this big name cameo is revealed is akin to something spoiled and rotting. This cameo reeks to high heaven. It’s an absolute laugh out loud stinker of the lowest calibur. The cameo comes along in an already faltering third act of Alita and provides a yawp of unintended laughter before becoming a highly problematic plot point as the film comes to a close. 

I won’t spoil the ending as even my negative review of Alita Battle Angel likely won’t prevent many from seeing it. Plus, I actually don’t hate Alita Battle Angel, not completely. The first two acts of Alita Battle Angel were unexpectedly emotional and compelling. Rosa Salazar is a young actor to watch. What she lacks in experience and chops she makes up for with confidence and energy. Some may find her enthusiasm cloying but I found it winning, for 2 out of three acts of the movie. 

I even admired the attempts at romance in Alita Battle Angel. Yes, there are odd questions that the main character raises as a cyborg teenage girl, many of those questions being deeply unsettling or creepy but nevertheless. That said, Salazar sparks well with fellow newcomer Keean Johnson and I liked the plot complications that Hugo brings to this story. In pro wrestling terminology, Hugo is what we call a tweener, a character somewhere between good and evil and teetering one way or the other. 

There is perhaps almost too much Oscar gold in Alita Battle Angel. The pedigree is darn near distracting with three Oscar winners, four if you count Christoph Waltz twice, one Oscar nominee, an unrecognizable Jackie Earle Haley, and a cameo from an Oscar nominee. Robert Rodriguez has stacked the cast with Academy faves in order to balance out his romantic leads, both newcomers who benefit from the Awards savvy supporting players. 

Even that amount of talent however, can’t save Alita from a third act that flies laughably off the rails. As Alita is fighting her way toward the biggest of the big bads in Alita Battle Angel, she makes choices that make little sense. She suddenly buys into a plot point regarding a warrior code that was not well established before in the plot. This is done for the purpose of plot convenience in the most obvious fashion. 

Jennifer Connelly and Mahershala Ali are then stranded in a classically James Bond moment where the fate of one of their characters is so achingly obvious that you can’t help but roll your eyes at the doozy of a cliché. At the very least, that plot has an unexpected and stunning visual payoff but that doesn’t change the nature of the embarrassing obviousness of that scene. And then the film ends without a complete resolution. 

Alita Battle Angel clips along for two thirds of the movie with a tremendous plot building strong complications with genuine stakes. Then, out of the blue, one of the main characters nearly dies, Alita nearly allows them to die and then, and then… well. I would need to go into serious spoiler territory to disentangle the nonsense that leads to this wholly unsatisfying end. I will only say that this abysmal third act ruined for me what was an otherwise enthralling and thrilling action adventure sci-fi romp. 

I was genuinely bummed when the movie began to falter. I could feel my heart sinking as the music of the final scene began to swell and it dawned on me that the film and these terrific characters would not have the chance to redeem themselves with a final battle sequence. Instead, I was left dispirited by a truly lame and misguided sequel tease. Ugh! Alita Battle Angel is two thirds of a really ripping adventure and one third of a bad Wachowski movie. 

(Sidebar: The Wachowski’s were the makers of The Matrix whose careers have been marked by remarkable ups like The Matrix and stunning failures such as The Matrix sequels and Jupiter Ascending. The final act of Alita sadly compares well to the worst of the output by visionary filmmakers quite similar to Wachowski’s in clout, status and popularity, Robert Rodriguez and James Cameron.) 

(Sidebar Sidebar: Yes, I know if I have to explain the funny-sad comparison it’s less funny but so be it, this parenthesized tangent is entertaining me even more than my insulting comparison.) 

(Sidebar-Sidebar-Sidebar: Then again, is a reference to the Wachowski's really so obscure that people need these sidebars? Perhaps not, but there is a lack of universality as to whether the majority of readers find a comparison to what I see as the worst of the Wachowski's, all that insulting.) 

(Si--- Okay, even I have tired of this.)

Movie Review: Watchman

Watchmen (2009) 

Directed by Zack Snyder 

Written by David Hayter, Alex Tse

Starring Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Billy Crudup, Jackie Earl Haley, Malin Akerman, Patrick Wilson

Release Date March 6th, 2009 

Published March 6th, 2009 

In his review of Watchmen critic David Poland nails one of the major issues with the movie. Paraphrasing Mr. Poland: Watchmen is like someone recounting a funny anecdote that ends with 'I guess you had to be there'. For anyone who isn't a member of the Watchmen fanboy cult this movie is a meaningless morass of superhero arcana.

For those more familiar with but not in fealty to Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons legendary comics series it is a dishearteningly dull and dreary filmgoing experience that takes up 2 hours and45 minutes without providing any insight beyond Dr. Manhattan's desperate need for a pair of shorts.

Set in an alternate reality 1984 where with the help of superheroes like Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) and The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) America won the war in Vietnam and Richard Nixon remains President, Watchmen is a desolate fantasy of cold war tension and gritty urban cityscape.

The death of the Comedian, killed in his apartment, thrown through a plate glass window to the street below, sets the plot in motion. One his fellow former heroes, Rorschach thinks he senses a pattern beginning. The Comedian's murder leads him to believe someone is afte masked heroes.

Whether the motive is political, the Comedian has checkered history as one of Nixon's favorite right wing commandos, or something else, Rorschach is convinced the Comedian won't be the last target. He sets about warning former members of the hero group the Watchmen.

First up is his old pal Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) who seems dubious of his old friends' suspicions, but is soon himself passing warnings on to Ozymandias aka the world's smartest man who is more forceful in his dismissal. Next up for Rorschach is the super couple of Laurie "Silk Spectre 2" Jupiter (Malin Akerman) and Dr. Manhattan who have more important things to worry about.

Manhattan is the only one of the group with any actual super powers, he was the subject of an nuclear accident that turned him into a blue ball of energy in human form by his sheer will. He cannot be killed so why should he worry about a mask killer. For her part, Laurie is more selfishly concerned with her growing disconnect with Manhattan whose inhumanity grows more by the day.

She is drawn to Nite Owl for reasons only she knows and soon the two have taken up with each other as Manhattan faces personal exile to Mars after disturbing accusations. Comedian dead, Manhattan leaving earth and a subsequent failed attempt on the life of Ozymandias, further inflames Rorschach toward uncovering a stunning conspiracy that effects more than just the supers.

I have read Watchmen the graphic novel twice and was both times electrified by Moore's urgent storytelling and Dave Gibbons striking images. I don't buy into Watchmen as one of history's greatest bits of fiction but as a rollicking superhero yarn, it is a seminal work of the genre, a work that has shaped much of what came after it in the medium.

Director Zack Snyder seems to be of the opinion that he adapting the bible for the big screen and offers the treatment only a fellow zealot could appreciate. His love for the comic supercedes the judgements that needed to be made to turn the comic into a movie. The religious zeal blinding Snyder to the necessity for cuts and changes that could have made Watchmen something of his own.

Then again, Snyder is best known for being a conduit for the mass reproduction of other people's genius. His debut feature was a modest update but mostly homage to horror master George Romero's Dawn of the Dead. His next feature was an overly literal replication of George Miller's swords and sandals comic 300.

The success of 300 is what brought Snyder to Watchmen after so many other, more talented and unique directors failed to get it going. Terry Gilliam and Paul Greengrass head an impressive list of filmmakers once attached to this quickly aging bit of cold war superhero suspense but they could never quite get a handle on Moore's prose or compete with Gibbons' visionary squares.

Snyder for his part fails just as they did, it's just that his failure is actually on the screen. The difference however is that where Gilliam and Greengrass wanted to make Watchmen with their own stamp, Snyder is only interested in using the comic as storyboard and replicate the words and images using real actors.

Snyder is like some rich dilletante playing chess with live pieces. His Watchmen amounts to little more than a whole lot of gaudy showing off. Given a budget in the hundreds of millions, Snyder is playing poker with house money to bring his favorite comic book to life before his eyes. He's like Richie Rich hiring the Denver Broncos to play football with his pals in the backyard.

That might sound like fun but it plays like one fanboy showing off for a bunch of other fanboys and that will do nothing to satisfy those not already in the Watchmen cult. Trust me, if you do not absolutely love Watchmen. If you are not slightly buzzed by the idea of Rorschach coming to bloody life on screen or the thought of Dr. Manhattan blowing up the Vietnamese with the wave of his hand, you have no reason to see this movie.

It's not that there aren't good things about Watchmen, it's just that the good things are as pointless and overbearing as the bad stuff. Jackie Earl Haley for instance is astonishingly compelling as Rorschach. He could have been good in just about any other movie, I assume, Watchmen is merely the role in front of him and he makes the most of it.

The rest of the cast is pretty hit and miss. Crudup effectively captures Dr. Manhattan's otherworldly disconnectedness and Patrick Wilson is not bad as a Bruce Wayne post Batman character who finds life purposeless and dull without his alter-ego.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Carla Gugino hover somewhere in the middle between the good of Crudup and Wilson and the utter disasters that are Malin Akerman and Matthew Goode. Morgan struggles only because most of his character motivation is cut for time. Gugino as the original Silk Spectre is a functionary character who only exists because the plot kinda requires her to.

As Akerman's mother she allegedly pushed her daughter into being a hero. That however, will not be as clear to those who haven't read the book. Akerman tosses off her character's deepest motivation to be a hero in a toss off conversation with Wilson's Nite Owl as they prepare for some kinky masked love making.

The romantic subplot is also an ineffective holdover from the novel. Short shrifted by time constraints, it means little in the context of the central plot and takes up a lot of time for what amounts to some mild well shot female nudity. It doesn't help that Akerman, under an awful wig, is less expressive than Rorschach's masked moving ink blots.

Matthew Goode as Ozymandias is handicapped by the fact that Alan Moore in the comic seemed to find him the least interesting character. His back story is dull and his super power, the world's smartest man is mostly left off screen. He does seem to have super strength, at least in the late fight scenes, but under a David Spade haircut, he doesn't exactly cut an intimidating figure.

Maybe Ozymandias isn't supposed to be intimidating. Maybe that is beside the point but then why the fight scenes? Oh who cares. In the end, that is the real question. Who really cares? Beyond the Watchmen cult, the Watchmen movie will be a curiousity that likely will not linger on to far past opening weekend box office.

Among the cult, I can only hope that they find comfort in their fellow fanboy's indulgence of the thing they love so much. Otherwise we could have mass handwringing on the level of post Phantom Menace depression, a depression that lingers still for far too many basement dwellers.

Movie Review Little Children

Little Children (2006) 

Directed by Todd Field 

Written by Todd Field, Todd Perrotta 

Starring Patrick Wilson, Kate Winslet, Jennifer Connelly, Jackie Earl Haley, Noah Emmerich

Release Date October 6th, 2006

Published October 12th, 2006 

Before the release of his astonishing debut feature In The Bedroom writer director Todd Field was an anonymous actor best known for a small role as a piano player in Stanley Kubrick's final film Eyes Wide Shut. Field has said that it was that experience watching Stanley Kubrick, getting to ask the master questions and peer over his shoulder that inspired him to move ahead with In The Bedroom.

As life changing experiences go, that's a pretty good one. Now with his second feature Little Children, Todd Field cements his rising auteur status with another self assured examination of suburban angst that is part American Beauty but all Todd Field.

Kate Winslet heads a terrific ensemble in Little Children as  Sarah, a bored housewife trapped in a lousy marriage with a three year old daughter she simply can't connect with. Sarah spends her days with her daughter, watching her play alone as other kids run around. Sarah sits to the side listening to the clucking of fellow stay at home moms who dote on their kids and make catty comments about strangers.

Then in walks the prom king, a nickname given to a handsome young stay at home dad none of the mothers has the nerve to talk to. His name is Brad (Patrick Wilson) and to break up the monotony of her routine, Sarah decides to engage him. The meeting goes further than either would have imagined as Sarah explains to Brad his nickname and the two of them decide to shock the other mothers with a hug and a kiss.

Brad is married to Kathy (Jennifer Connelly) a stunningly beautiful documentary filmmaker that any man would count himself lucky to be with. However, somehow he finds himself attracted to the far less striking, though not unattractive Sarah. The two began to spend time together taking their kids to the local pool and the park. Eventually the friendship becomes an affair and things begin to get out of control.

On the periphery of Sarah and Brad's relationship is the story of a sex offender who has moved into their neighborhood. His name is Ronald (Jackie Earl Haley) and though the nature of his crime is unknown, he is fresh from prison and on the sex offender list. A retired cop, and friend of Brad's, Larry (Noah Emmerich); has made protecting the neighborhood from Ronald his new mission in life. As you can probably imagine, this subplot is headed for an explosion that will collide with Sarah and Brad. There is however, nothing easily predicted about Little Children.

Field is an observant director who finds story in the details of peoples lives. His attention to detail in Little Children is at times darkly humorous, as in a scene where Winslet observes her fellow mothers with the eye of an anthropologist and it is heartbreaking as when Winslet and Wilson share that kiss in the park and find everything that has been missing in their mundane routine lives.

Suburban angst became quite fashionable after American Beauty won best picture. Suddenly, peeling back the veneer of those manicured lawns and white picket fences became a quick, clever shorthand for Hollywood writers. The results were often mere ripoffs. Todd Field's own In The bedroom was essentially one of those films and with its quiet dignity and devastating twists it broke the mold. Now with Little Children Field plows the same rich soil and once again delivers unique insight and characters.

Little Children is unexpectedly sexy as Winslet and Wilson engage in some of this years most erotic love scenes. These scenes have a sweat soaked intensity and emotional acuity that they go beyond being merely sexual in context and become dramatic expressions of angst, heartache and longing. So much modern movie sex is about the exposure of good looking actors, the love scenes in Little Children feel essential in getting to the core of these characters.

Kate Winslet is the standout of a terrific ensemble. Though dressed down to seem dowdy and bookish, Winslet remains effortlessly sexy and inviting. As Iris her eyes sparkle with intelligence wounded by years of underachievement. This is a woman who finds herself married and a mother and realizes that these are things she never wanted for herself. Her relationship with Brad is the one outlet she has for the angst of these realizations and that brings an intensity to the relationship that aches from the screen.

Patrick Wilson puts to rest the whining weakling performance from Phantom Of The Opera and shows a talent for playing a good looking cipher without it seeming like just another dumb actor not really actiing. Jackie Earl Haley rounds out the main cast with a devastating performance as Ronald the convicted child molester. This is a role of great depth and sadness and Haley plays it with a wounded animal's ferocity.

Little Children is a smart, darkly humorous and observant human drama that features career best performances from each of its ensemble players. With In The Bedroom and Little Children leading his resume he has cemented a burgeoning reputation as one of the next generation of auteurs. I can't wait to see what Todd Field does next.

Movie Review: All the King's Men

All the King's Men (2006) 

Directed by Steven Zaillian

Written by Steven Zaillian 

Starring Sean Penn, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, Anthony Hopkins, James Gandolfini, Mark Ruffalo, Patricia Clarkson, Jackie Earl Haley

Release Date September 22nd, 2006

Published September 22nd, 2006 

In late 1930's Louisiana writer Robert Penn Warren fell under the spell of the charismatic, larger than life Governor, Huey P. Long. Long's passionate, man of the people rhetoric, his complicated almost amoral lifestyle and his tragic death, were all the inspiration Warren needed to write his masterpiece novel All The Kings Men.

The book won the Pulitzer Prize and was adapted to the big screen in 1949 where it went on to win Best Picture. More than 50 years later All The Kings Men has once again been adapted to the big screen and while it features a fiery performance from Sean Penn, the film is a catastrophic failure. Made with the intention of winning an Oscar, the film could be a parody of the corruption of its own creation with Sean Penn's Willie Stark character standing in for greedy producers eager for awards glory.

Willie Stark (Sean Penn) was a true man of the people. His first foray into politics was fighting to make sure the local school was built by the best contractors with the best materials and not by friends of the local politicians in his small corner of Louisiana. When his fight failed his career as a politician seemed to have ended with it but when the school collapsed and four kids were killed, Willie Stark went from down on his luck salesman to crusader for truth and justuce and soon a potential candidate for Governor.

Reporter Jack Burden (Jude Law) was among the first to see Willie's man of the people earnestness and be struck by the rarity of an honest politician. He first met Willie during the fight for the school but became forever entwined with Willie after the school collapse and the beginning of Willie's improbable run for Governor.

Willie's political education began on that first run for governor when he finds that he is merely a patsy candidate meant to divide the electorate and help a more prominent candidate win office. His disillusionment turns to determination and by the time of the next election Willie knows how this corrupt game is played and sweeps into office a conquering hero of incorruptibility.

Of course, Willie was quite corrupt by this time and once in office with the mandate of his people his corruption comes to full flower. Jack Burden, having given up journalism, joins Willie's staff as a top political fire fighter and while he is hurt by Willie's fall from grace, he is merely a witness. That begins to change when politics calls for Jack to use his influence on an old friend of his family, Judge Irwin (Anthony Hopkins). Willie needs Judge Irwin on his side to avoid impeachment and it falls to Jack to find dirt on the man he once considered a father figure.

Jack's conflicting loyalty to Willie and to Judge Irwin is the thrust of the final act of All The Kings Men a surprisingly lackluster drama from writer-director Steven Zaillian. With pretensions of greatness, Zaillian crafts All The Kings Men as if just making the movie were enough to warrant huzzahs all around. The film is so full of its own value that James Horner's score is like a thundering Greek chorus of 'see how important we all are' hyperbole.

The problems with All The Kings Men extend from Zaillian's lackadaisical direction to the cast of all stars who are often just not suited for the material. The most glaring example is Jude Law who, as Jack Burden the movie's narrator and dramatic center, struggles with keeping his natural good looks and charm out of the role of a burnout cynic and struggles, far more mightily, with a brutal Louisiana drawl. Law's Jack Burden is a cypher, milling about the movie searching for a purpose beyond merely providing exposition.

Jack is the audience's eyes and ears and yet he seems to miss so much. As Willie Stark is becoming more and more corrupt we want to see the smoky back rooms and the shady deals. Instead we are stuck with Jack and his dull subplot involving old friends played by Kate Winslet, also poorly cast as a Louisiana aristocrat, and Mark Ruffalo. Though the subplot becomes important late in the film, its relevance early on is poorly established and distracting.

Regardless of the films many flaws Sean Penn is electrifying in All The Kings Men. His fiery passion explodes in fits of righteous rage that are at times inspiring and lamentable. As he was on the rise Willie Stark's outrage made him seem as if he indeed could end corruption in all government. However, once elected and educated in how the gears of politics turn, Willie's inflammatory rhetoric became cover for his own corruption. This is the one effective element of an otherwise disappointing melodrama.

All The Kings Men boasts a cast of respected actors and Oscar winners, including writer-director Zaillian himself, yet somehow all the starpower on the screen and behind the scenes never manages to turn the movie into anything more than an extravagant demonstration of how much a studio will pay to win an Oscar. All The Kings Men is like a machine crafted to win awards with little regard to whether it was deserving of any honor.

Sean Penn is passionate to the point of almost eating the scenery but his fiery oratory skills are the only reason to see All The Kings Men an otherwise lifeless excercise in failure. Remakes are often mere reflections of the original and this new version of All The Kings Men is a perfect example of reflected glory. The movie takes the shine of the respected work of writer Robert Penn Warren and the Oscar winning 1949 film and simply mirrors it.

The cache of the original glory and an all star cast cannot hide the slapdash quality of Steven Zaillian's All The Kings Men, a movie machine cynically crafted for critical applause.

Movie Review A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) 

Directed by Samuel Bayer 

Written by Wesley Strick, Eric Heisserer

Starring Rooney Mary, Jackie Earl Haley, Kyle Gallner, Katie Cassidy, Thomas Dekker, Kellen Lutz

Release Date April 30th, 2010

Published April 29th, 2010 

Lather rinse repeat; simple instructions very easy to follow. I cannot help but speculate that director Samuel Bayer received similar instructions as he approached remaking the horror classic “Nightmare on Elm Street.” Good looking teenager falls asleep, Freddy kills good looking teenager in dream, repeat. This re-imagining of the horror icon Freddy Krueger is like most remakes merely a faded, facsimile of the original. The film is something akin to an “American Idol” contestant's version of a Beatles song; it doesn't sound that bad but lacks the heart, soul, and creative energy of the original.

Jackie Earl Haley replaces the one and only Robert Englund in the iconic role of gardener turned child murder Freddy Krueger. In this version of the story Freddy was a beloved figure who lived and worked at a day school where the kids adored him. That all changed when one little girl, Nancy, told her parents about Freddy's fun cave in the basement. Years later, after Freddy's death, the kids who attended that day school are finally reuniting and with their memories re-emerging, so has Freddy Krueger, who begins attacking and killing them in their dreams. Only Nancy (Rooney Mara) is capable of slowing Freddy's bloodlust.

There is nothing really all that wrong with this version of “Nightmare on Elm Street” from a technical perspective. Director Samuel Bayer, a veteran of music videos, knows how to aim the camera and how to use angle and light for the creation of tension and suspense and he has a good eye for gore. What Bayer is lacking is a story of any depth and characters worth investing in and identifying with. Writers Wesley Strick and Eric Heisserer operate from the recipe detailed in the opening paragraph - cute teen sleeps, cute teen killed, repeat. The settings for the deaths are generally the same; Freddy's creepy boiler room remains a creep-tastic setting even if that steam or smoke is still unexplained.

Heather Langenkamp had a winning combination of earnestness and determination and with that wonderful quiver in her voice she won us over and had audiences rooting for her survival even as Freddy was the more entertaining and charismatic of this deathly duo. Rooney Mara taking over the role of Nancy is basically filler. Someone needed to play the role and Ms. Mara was sufficiently attractive and available to fill the bill. Not much is asked of this mostly unknown actress and she gives just about what she gets from the weak script.

The rest of the cast is made up of pretty faces who line up as victim 1, 2, 3 and so on. The film ends on a strong note but I won't go into that too much other than to say that even fans of the original “Nightmare” will be impressed. It's fair to wonder that as a film critic I have seen too much. I have seen so many horror films and I am hard to impress and even harder to frighten. That's fair but I can recognize technique and I am aware when something works for a mass audience and something doesn't. The engaged audience member will likely recognize, as I did, the dearth of character development and the rerun nature of Freddy's kills.

However, those audiences not in fealty to the original as I am and more inclined to forgive the film its many repeats; those giving in to the legend of Freddy Krueger, well rehashed by the far too talented for this Jackie Earl Haley, may find themselves leaping in their seats and watching the movie through their fingers. If you are forgiving, enjoy “Nightmare on Elm Street” redux. Myself, I am going to watch Johnny Depp get sucked into his bed and explode in a geyser of blood in one of the greatest deaths of all time from Wes Craven's original “Nightmare.”