Movie Review Sidewalks of New York

Sidewalks of New York (2001) 

Directed by Ed Burns 

Written by Ed Burns 

Starring Ed Burns, Rosario Dawson, Heather Graham, Brittany Murphy, Stanley Tucci

Release Date November 21st, 2001 

Published February 3rd, 2002 

Sidewalks is the story of interconnected New Yorkers being interviewed for the same documentary on sex and relationships. Ed Burns is a TV executive who is newly single and living with his boss played by Dennis Farina who in turn meets a divorcee played by Rosario Dawson. David Krumholz plays Dawson's ex-husband who is attempting to woo a waitress played by Brittany Murphy. Murphy's waitress is also seeing a married man played by Stanley Tucci who's married to Heather Graham who's a real estate agent showing apartments to Ed Burns character.

Once were introduced to the characters they set about on a series of mundanities meant to be insightful about relationships, fidelity, and sex but it's all really hot air from a bunch of characters so self centered it's amazing they have time for relationships with anyone else. Burns' relationship with Dawson is particularly insignificant, with two dates, sex and that's it. We have just witnessed the least interesting relationship in each character's lives, and only at the end does the director try to make the relationship something worth caring about. The gimmick is cheap and obviously only in the film to provide the relationship with significance.

The biggest problem with Sidewalks of New York is its documentary gimmick which is both confusing and unnecessary. Confusing because the documentary camera never stops filming, which doesn't jibe with the characters who are called on not to notice they are on camera unless they are performing their testimonials. The gimmick becomes even more confusing when you try to figure out how the documentary filmmakers just happen to catch the first meeting of 3 of the couples. Was it luck and why didn't they notice they were on camera? Why does the camera follow Burns on his search for an apartment when the documentary is about relationships? And if those scenes weren't actually a part of the documentary, why do we still have to put up with the documentary style shaky cam?

Sidewalks of New York is a complete mess and a sad misstep for the very talented Burns whose two previous films, The Brothers McMullan and She's The One treated the same relationship turf as Sidewalks but with more insight and realism. Burns should consider going back to his humble roots and leave the talkative uptown New Yorkers to Woody Allen.

Movie Review One Missed Call

One Missed Call (2008) 

Directed by Eric Valette 

Written by Andrew Klavan

Starring Shannyn Sossamon, Ed Burns, Ray Wise, Azura Skye

Release Date January 4th, 2008 

Published January 4th, 2008

The movie One Missed Call starring Shannyn Sossamon and Ed Burns is brought to you by the good folks at Boost Mobile. Ok, admittedly, I can't prove that the tiny offshoot of Sprint and Nextel actually sponsored the making of this pale imitation of Japanese horror cliches but they are no doubt tacit endorsers. Boost is mentioned and their logo shown so often the company could apply for a SAG card. Of course, bitching about the soulless schilling behind this little horror movie is really just my way of dodging the ennui that this movie brought about within me. Indeed, I care so little about this film I can barely bring the strength to dislike it.

Shannyn Sossamon, so cute in 40 Days and 40 Nights and so tragic in Rules of Engagement, stars here as a listless college student whose friends keep dying. You may be quick to blame her, but no. In reality, the deaths are related to their cellphones. Each of Shannyn's college pals have received a phone call with a message depicting their mode of death and the exact time that death will take place. By the way, Boost Mobile, if you are considering this as a feature, please stop. Naturally, when Shannyn takes her concerns to the police only the most handsome and single of the cops is willing to take her seriously.

Ed Burns plays the cop in typically Ed Burns fashion, disinterested handsomeness. Burns was once a flavor of the month writer-director boy genius. His natural rhythms as a writer served to cover up his ineptitude as an actor. Burns is a sieve as an actor with lines that roll off his tongue with the thud of a 2 by 4 to the head. That said, with material less than the sum of his acting, you barely notice his usual oafishness. As it turns out, the fetching cop's sister died after receiving one the death messages on her phone. There's also a bit about red hard candy and child abuse but by the time the film got around to them I was busy doing my taxes, difficult in the dark of a theater but I had nothing better to do.

I was going to delve into the film's ill logic and discuss universe theory, the thing where I say if a movie can establish a universe for its own goofy logic then even the most outlandish plot can be logical in its own way. I was going to go into those things but One Missed Call is simply too forgettable for such conversation. It was adapted from a Japanese horror film by the same title, in Japanese, by French director Eric Valette. Working in America for the first time, Valette shows an obvious talent for pointing his camera AT his actors. It's getting those actors to do something worth filming that is the problem here.

I had once thought that former model Shannyn Sossamon was going to be quite a star. She was terrific as Heath Ledger's inspiration in A Knight's Tale and cute as a button opposite Josh Hartnett in 40 Days and 40 Nights. Unfortunately, like so many pretty faces before her, she just never found the right roles and has now been relegated to the B-movie squad. At the very least, I don't think the failure of One Missed Call is entirely her fault. I'm guessing no one told her that they were using her audition takes, before she actually knew her lines. Wait.... what? Those were real takes? My bad.

I know it sounds like I hated this movie but believe me, hating this movie would take far more effort than I am willing to offer here. So, I will say, One Missed Call is a movie to watch while you do other things. Get a haircut, read a book, play video games, smoke weed. Trust me, you'll barely even notice the movie is there.