Horror in the 90s Meet the Applegates

Meet the Applegates (1991) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Michael Lehmann, Redbeard Simmons 

Starring Ed Begley Jr, Stockard Channing, Dabney Coleman

Release Date February 1st, 1991 

Box Office $485,000 

Writer-Director Michael Lehmann is to be respected for his... big choices. After making a splashy debut with Heathers, now beloved cult classic, Lehmann continued taking big risks. He made Hudson Hawk and allowed star Bruce Willis to walk all over him while no one could agree on what the movie should be. Lehmann's Hudson Hawk experience led him down a path to directing some of the most conventional yet memorable comedies of the late 90s, movies like Airheads and The Truth About Cats and Dogs. It's clear that Hudson Hawk chased the weird out of Michael Lehmann. 

My thesis statement for that observation is Lehmann's other pre-Hudson Hawk endeavor. While Heathers is remembered for its wild dark humor and unexpected levels of deathly violence, Lehmann took things a step further and a step stranger in 1991's Meet the Applegates. Despite having a cast led by three veteran actors of remarkable reputation, Ed Begley Jr., Stockard Channing, and Dabney Coleman, Meet the Applegates is one of the most bizarre, awkward, and peculiar movies ever made. 

In the jungles of South America, a remarkably racist and bleakly comic scene unfolds. Missionaries are teaching a collection of horrifying stereotypes about what America is like. The lesson tells the story of a family of four, parents Dick and Jane and their kids, Sally and Johnny. These four people, who don't exist, are the ideal 'nuclear family.' Just as the missionaries are completing their lesson, a construction crew breaks through and begins clearing the jungle. They are tearing down the rainforest and strip mining the place. 

In this process however, the construction crew unleashes a dormant type bug with... unique powers. These bugs, the Brazilian Cocorada, use chameleon-like powers to impersonate other species. In this case, the species they choose is human. Finding the book about the perfect nuclear family, four of the bugs take on the personas of Dick (Ed Begley Jr.), Jane (Stockard Channing), Sally (Camille Cooper) and Johnny (Robert Jayne). Using these human shells, the bugs move to the suburbs with a plan to destroy America in revenge for the destruction of the rainforest. 

This is all inferred on my part. The film quite jarringly shows the bugs murdering the missionaries and then credits. Then we are in the suburbs and a few visual clues tell us that these are the bugs in human form. Their mission becomes clear only after an expository conversation with Aunt Bea (Dabney Coleman). Aunt Bea is also a bug in disguise and he/she acts as the handler for the Applegates, giving them their mission and helping them to carry it out. Dabney Coleman in a dress is a haunting visual that should be funny but never is. 

Read my full length review at Horror.Media

Movie Review Heathers

Heathers (1989) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Daniel Waters 

Starring Winona Ryder, Christian Slater, Shannen Doherty, Kim Walker, Lisanne Falk 

Release Date March 31st 1989 

Published March 31st 2009 

In the late 1980's, as the John Hughes boom began to wane, a film came along that exploded the teen movie genre and changed the way teen movies are seen forever. With it's twisted violence and sick humor, Heathers was a kick in the ass to any and all teen movies that came before it.Though it wasn't a huge hit in the moment, it worked to cement a budding legend in Winona Ryder while establishing Christian Slater as a heartthrob and a budding leading man in the Nicholson-Brando mold. 

The film stars Winona Ryder as Veronica, a member of the popular clique in her school, the Heathers, named for the other three girls in the group whose names were all Heather. Veronica, being the only member of the clique not named Heather, is a bit of an outcast leaving one to wonder why is she even in the group, a question she often asks herself. Veronica goes through the motions of watching her friends play cruel tricks on classmates and generally being obnoxious until she meets JD (Christian Slater).

JD is a misanthropic outcast with an intense dislike of the Heathers. Veronica falls for JD and the two set about avenging the misdeeds of the Heathers. Veronica's idea of vengeance is slightly different than JD's though. With Heather #1 (Kim Walker), Veronica just thinks they are going to make her sick with a combination of milk and orange juice, JD, however, wants to use Drano and various other household items. After eliminating Heather #1, Veronica and JD make Heather #1's death look like suicide.

Just how trendy are the Heather's, Heather 1's suicide makes the uber-bitch into a saint and makes suicide another trendy teen accessory. Veronica is horrified by what happened but equally horrified by the reaction of others to what happened. JD then convinces Veronica to undertake another staged suicide, this time it's two asshole jock football players who are dispatched as if they were a lovers suicide pact.

Once again the suicides turn the jerks into hero's and Veronica realizes JD's romantic notion of saving the school from the cliques and the jocks is actually a psychotic obsession. Winona Ryder is spectacular in what may be the best role of her career. Her delivery and timing is flawless, not to mention her chemistry with Slater who also swings for the fences and nails it. Slater's slow boil from broody boy-toy to Jack Nicholson in The Shining levels of kooky psychotic behavior is a dark comic delight. 

Heather's is cynical ironic and endlessly quotable. Nowadays, with political correctness being what it is this movie would be hard to make. That's not to say it can't be done but that it would take a great deal of savvy to find the right twisted buttons to push in this seemingly more sensitive time. Thankfully, Heathers exists as it is so who cares about whether it could be made again. The original is sharp, nasty, and completely hilarious today, yesterday and will remain so for years to come. 

Movie Review: 40 Days and 40 Nights

40 Days and 40 Nights (2002) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Robert Perez

Starring Josh Hartnett, Shannyn Sossomon, Paulo Costanzo, Vinessa Shaw, Griffin Dunne, Monet Mazur

Release Date March 1st 2002 

Published February 27th 2002 

In the 1980's, guys attempting to get laid became a genre all it's own. In the 90's however, political correctness threatened to destroy the horny guy movie. Now in 2002, things have become so inverted that we have a film featuring a guy doing all he can to not get laid. What is this world coming to? 40 Days & 40 Nights stars Josh Hartnett as Matt, a web designer recovering from a bad breakup by having a lot of meaningless sex. After finding sex not to be the answer, Matt decides to go in the opposite direction, no sex at all. 

Of course it is then that he meets the girl of his dreams, Erica (Shannyn Sossamon). Matt decides to try to just be friends with Erica but mistakenly does not explain his current no-sex crusade. Matt's friend and Roommate Ryan (Road Trip's Paulo Costanzo) finds out what he's up to and seize the opportunity to start a website to take bets as to whether Ryan can hold out the full 40 days. 

From there we are treated to the usual romantic comedy situations that desperately throw up lame roadblocks to keep the lovebirds apart. Of course all of the complications could be avoided if the characters were honest with one another, but if they did that there wouldn't be any movie. Director Michael Lehman obviously knew his story was weak so he also throws in a little gross-out humor to fill out the film’s just-over-90 minute runtime.

40 Days & 40 Nights is a well-crafted film. It is well shot, the performances are good. Hartnett occasionally looks like he is straining for the joke, but for the most part comes off as the likeable doofus the character is supposed to be.

In the end the film isn't bad but it is far from memorable. It is the definition of average.

Movie Review: 30 Days of Night

30 Days of Night (2002) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Robert Perez 

Starring Josh Hartnett, Shannyn Sossamon, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Vinessa Shaw, Griffin Dunne, Paulo Costanzo 

Release Date March 1st, 2002 

Published March 1st, 2002 

I'm really beginning to dislike the horror genre. Though regular readers and horror fans might argue that I have always hated horror movies, that is not true. I loved Freddy and Jason as a kid. As an adult, I find the Saw films to be utterly ingenious. My issue with modern horror films is the growing, ugly nihilism of the genre. More and more this genre that once exposed our humanity and capacity for bravery and compassion, now comes to exploit our humanity and compassion.

The latest film to trade on our humanity, depicting violent death with style, wit and impoverished morals is the vampire movie 30 Days of Night. Josh Hartnett stars in 30 Days of Night as Eban Oleson the sheriff of Barrow Alaska. Settled on the uppermost point of the United States, Barrow is home to only the most hardy winter lovers. For 30 days of every year Barrow goes into darkness. Many citizens cannot handle the lack of sun and take off. The 150 or so people who stay behind find something they never could have imagined.

A stranger (Ben Foster) arrives in town. He murders all the sled dogs. He steals and burns all of the cell phones. After he is caught by sheriff Oleson, he warns that 'they' are coming. Who are they? The stranger won't say but once citizens begin getting their heads ripped from their bodies, it's clear that 'they' have indeed arrived. Now, the sheriff with his ex-wife Stella (Melissa George) and a ragtag band of survivors must find a way to survive for 30 days when the sun returns and 'they' go back from where they came.

Based on the 2004 graphic novel by Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith, 30 Days of Night is stylish, darkly humorous and undeniably cool. And therein lies the problem. Like much of modern horror 30 Days of Night exploits our humanity and compassion to get us to invest in these characters and then destroys them in the most eye catching and gory fashion.

I am conflicted about this because I cannot deny the artistry with which director David Slade delivers this carnage. However, the style, the cool, dehumanizes the characters and takes pleasure in their misery. This brings an ugliness, a pseudo-nihilism to the proceedings that frankly makes me ill. I've grown weary of the stylish presentation of the destruction of humanity.

I get that it's a vampire movie and realism is not a question. And yes; you can argue that the style employed only serves to further distance the characters from reality. My point is however, that the danger that these characters find is meant to earn our sympathy and care and thanks to the talented performances of Josh Hartnett and Melissa George, they do.

We are invested emotionally, engaged by these characters. When these characters, not necessarily Hartnett or George, are violently dissected by vampires, the fillmmakers are taking advantage of that sympathy, exploiting it. For what purpose? Why are our sympathies engaged and then violently and bloodily turned against us?

In the Saw films, James Wan, Leigh Whannell and Darren Lynn Bousman engage us similarly but with a point and a purpose. There is a philosophy behind the carnage, a lesson to be imparted about the gift that is life, the gift that is forgiveness and the possibility of redemption. What lesson do we learn from 30 Days of Night other than fake blood looks cool when splashed on white snow.

Josh Hartnett is one of my very favorite actors. Wearing his vulnerabilty on his sleeve and his wit as well, Hartnett has a talent for characters that win us over from the moment we meet them. His sheriff in 30 Days of Night wins us over from his first scene as he stares into the horizon, an undeclared sadness plagues him as the last sunset for 30 days begins to fall.

Melissa George matches Hartnett in her appeal to our sympathies. Also carrying the burden of memory her Stella just wanted to get in and out of town without Eben knowing she was there. The sadness they share over the end of their marriage is never openly discussed but it is written in their every glance and gesture toward and away from one another. In another movie, one with a depth of feeling for these characters beyond finding unique ways for them to kill vampires or to die violently, Hartnett and George could really make something lasting and beautiful. That is something that the creators of 30 Days of Night are incapable of providing.

What is the point of 30 Days of Night. What are we supposed to take away from it? What is it that we find so exhilarating or exciting about the destruction of humanity. There is no subtext, there are no lessons imparted, this film is merely an exercise in the stylish presentation of hardcore violence. Maybe it's because I'm getting older but I just don't get it anymore.

Movie Review Because I Said So

Because I Said So (2007) 

Directed by Michael Lehmann 

Written by Jessie Nelson

Starring Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Gabriel Macht, Tom Everett Scott, Lauren Graham, Piper Perabo

Release Date December 2nd, 2006 

Published December 2nd, 2006 

In my nearly seven years writing film criticism I have seen some awful movies. Rarely however, have I seen something as brutal as the new romantic comedy Because I Said So starring Diane Keaton. It's not that the film is as badly made as say, Deuce Bigelow, or as poorly acted as the indie feature Undiscovered. No, what makes Because I Said So so notably awful is the cast.

How does a movie starring the legendary Diane Keaton, the lovable Mandy Moore and the reliable Lauren Graham, end up this brutally awful? That is a notable achievement, taking three beloved actors and forcing them into a movie so insufferable that even their innate appeal is dimmed by how terrible this movie is. That director Michael Lehmann once directed Heathers, a legit cult classic, makes this epic misfire so much more of a mystery. Then again, Lehmann also directed Hudson Hawk. Hmm.

In Because I Said So Diane Keaton plays Daphne, a mother of three beautiful daughters who, on the verge of turning 60, has just one wish. Daphne wants to find a man for her youngest daughter, Millie (Mandy Moore). To this end, Daphne commits herself to the task of finding Millie's ideal man by creating an online dating ad for her and then interviewing potential candidates herself. The search leads to a nice guy architect named Josh (Tom Everett Scott) who mom absolutely loves. Also in the running is a nice guy guitar player named Johnny (Gabriel Macht) who mom doesn't so much like but is Millie's perfect type.

If you need a road map to figure which guy Millie ends up with you have either never seen a movie before or have lived your entire life in a cave; cut off from logic. Because I Said So is not merely predictable, predictability I could forgive. No, Because I Said So is such a trainwreck of romantic comedy cliches and artificial roadblocks that it becomes unbearable to watch this cast enact such sub-sitcom levels of convoluted comic idiocy. 

Diane Keaton is a legend. She has won the Oscar for best actress. She has even made a few very bad movies, First Wives Club, Hanging Up, to name a few. But, she has never been this awful in a movie. Her performance in Because I Said So is an epic disaster of over the top gesticulations, shrill dialogue delivery and logic free character development. As a director herself, it's a wonder how Keaton did not see this character going so badly. Or maybe she did. There is a good ten minute sequence in the film in which Keaton doesn't say a word. I can't prove this, but I like to think this was Keaton's silent protest of the movie. I can hope, can't I?

Because I Said So doesn't just slime the great Ms. Keaton, it nearly destroys the career of Mandy Moore. The former pop star had come a very long way in her acting career since her ugly debut in the weepy teen romance A Walk To Remember. She was terrific in a bitchy supporting role in Saved, charming in a bitchy role in American Dreamz, and utterly darling in her cameo on TV's Scrubs. Sadly and unfortunately in Because I Said So, Moore looks like a novice actress, tripping over punchlines and allowing the movie to make her look like a fool in nearly every scene. 

Moore should find some way to sue director Michael Lehmann for allowing her to appear so utterly befuddled onscreen. This is a career low-point that would be difficult to recover from for the veteran Diane Keaton. For Ms. Moore, she may have to look to a TV career before considering film again. Lauren Graham of TV's Gilmore Girls and Piper Perabo of Coyote Ugly round out what is, on paper, a stellar cast. How you make a movie this awful with this cast is truly astonishing. Both Graham and Perabo are thanking their lucky stars that their roles barely rise above cameos.

How bad is Because I Said So? Here is just a hint of what this movie believes is funny. Two scenes of Diane Keaton watching internet porn. Two scenes of Ms. Keaton, legs in the air screaming to the heavens, a dog humping furniture. Some of the most stilted and awkward sex talk in the history of film. Not one, but two all family sing alongs. And, because the family runs a catering business, 3 scenes of people covered in cake.

Now, I can hear skeptics out there reading along and thinking 'of course he doesn't like this movie, it's a chick flick'. Allow me to explain how this works. I loved The Holiday, I loved Love Actually and I gave a glowing recommendation to the movie The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. This is not about genre, or target audience. This is about Because I Said So being one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

In the words of the great Roger Ebert, from the title of one of his great books, I hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Because I Said So is a painfully awful, nightmare of a movie that poor Diane Keaton may never recover from. She is lucky that she was once in Annie Hall and won a very deserved Academy award for Best Actress because otherwise it would be very easy to write her off after a disaster like this.

As it stands, I'm sure Diane Keaton will be back. Let's just hope she fires her agent before he allows her to make another movie remotely as awful as Because I Said So.