Movie Review: Cirque Du Freak The Vampire's Assistant

Cirque Du Freak The Vampire's Assistant (2009) 

Directed by Paul Weitz

Written by Paul Weitz, Brian Helgeland 

Starring John C. Reilly Chris Massoglia, Josh Hutcherson, Ken Watanabe, Ray Stevenson

Release Date October 23rd, 2009 

Published October 22nd, 2009

Vampires are hot in Hollywood thanks to Twilight. That massive hit film will spawn a sequel later this year. directed by Chris Weitz, of American Pie fame. Twilight also likely played a part in the film adaptation of another lit based Vampire tale. Ironically this too has been directed by someone named Weitz. Paul Weitz brings Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant to the big screen ahead of his brother Chris's New Moon. It's fair to assume Chris will have a great deal more success than Paul has had with this abysmal mishmash of kid flick and vamp flick.

Chris Massoglia takes the lead in Cirque Du Freak as Darren. A spider obsessed power nerd, Darren is modestly popular at school but not exactly king of the school. His status is dragged down a bit by his hot headed best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson) whose own obsession with vampires will soon land them both in hot water.

One afternoon as the boys are lamenting a lack of things to do in their small town they find a very intriguing flyer. It's an ad for something called Cirque Du Freak and it promises something well beyond either boy's previous experience. Taking in the show they witness a woman who can grow back her limbs, a man with two stomachs and finally a vampire magician named Crepsley (John C. Reilly).

When the Cirque is broken up early by an invading mob of angry townspeople Darren ends up stealing Crepsley's prized and dangerous spider. Steve meanwhile tries to become a vampire and is turned away by Crepsley. Soon, because of the spider and a deal with Crepsley it is Darren who ends up a vampire. Steve meanwhile turns to Crepsley's enemy for help.

There is a great deal more minutias in this plot but I just didn't care enough to detail it. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is an all out mess of plot strands, extranneous characters and a complete waste of time. The nature of the film is as the start of a franchise so going in you know their will be no resolution. What is surprising is how little you care whether the story resolves anything at all.

Paul Weitz is a talented writer and director with a strong wit and daring sensibility. His Amercan Idol parody American Dreamz was also a disaster but one you have to respect for taking big, daring risks. That film walked a tightrope and fell off but was brave in its failures.

There is nothing remotely brave or even daring about Cirque Du Freak. Piggybacking off the success of other vampire franchises and a successful book series, The Vampire's Assistant is just lame kiddie fare dressed up in halloween makeup and dumped onto the screen with a minimum of coherence.

It simply doesn't work. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant knocks off a few boring vampire cliches, keeps the blood and death to a very bare minimum and fails in every way to find something interesting or vaguely entertaining to do with it's sprawling premise and characters.

Movie Review The Book of Eli

The Book of Eli (2010) 

Directed by The Hughes Brothers 

Written by Gary Whitta 

Starring Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis, Ray Stevenson, Jennifer Beals, Michael Gambon

Release Date January 15th, 2010 

Published January 14th, 2010 

I would characterize myself as an agnostic. I don't believe in a higher power but I am open to the idea that I myself am not all-knowing. How does my lack of faith inform my criticism? It doesn't really. The fact is Hollywood gives so little consideration to religion that it rarely comes up in a review. The new post-apocalyptic thriller The Book of Eli is, arguably, the most religious and faithful movie I have seen since I have been a critic. Rarely has religion been so unquestioningly treated in a movie and in all places, a big budget, ultra-violent, Denzel Washington thriller.

In The Book of Eli Denzel Washington plays the Eli of the title. Sometime in the distant future the world is a wasteland and Eli is simply walking. He knows where he is headed, west, but what he intends to find at the end of his journey, even he doesn't know. Eli is protecting a book that he is convinced can save what is left of humanity. Eli's travels take him through the tiny, barely civilized fiefdom of a man named Carnegie (Gary Oldman). Having discovered a rare source of clean water, Carnegie has used it as a way to create a small kingdom that he protects with roving gangs of motorcycle riding henchmen.

The henchmen are searching for a book that Carnegie is desperate to get his hands on and wouldn't you know it, it's the same book that Eli is desperate to carry west. These two were destined to meet and fight and surely one or both of them will die. Standing between the two is Carnegie's daughter Solara (Mila Kunis) who is drawn to Eli's quiet purpose driven life but also wants to protect her mother (Jennifer Beals) from her father's violent tendencies. She joins up with Eli in hope that he will teach her the fighting skill he uses to protect the book.

Directed by the brilliant brother duo Albert and Allen Hughes, The Book of Eli is gritty yet stylish in its post-apocalypse. The Hughes Brothers are masters of atmosphere and tense showdowns and when Denzel backs up under a shadowy overpass to fight off some cannibalistic bad guys, the flash of his super-cool sword cutting body after body is an awesome sight.

Denzel Washington is perfectly cast as Eli, a man of devout faith who prays nightly and knows the bible by heart. In this future the bible has been all but destroyed and Eli is a last man of faith. Carnegie too seems a man of faith but is really a charlatan who hopes to use faith as Roman Emperors did to control a weak minded populace. This tension drives the conflict as does the book Eli is carrying is a classic MacGuffin with a strong pay off.

Though I am not a believer, religion in movies doesn't bother me. In fact, I am more often irritated with movies that pretend religion doesn't exist. Characters in horror films rarely seem to pray when faced with certain death. Sci-fi too often belittles the millions of people of faith in favor of technology as a pseudo-religion.

It is terribly unrealistic for movies to ignore the millions of earnest believers who attend dutifully to their faith. The Book of Eli is the rare movie that takes religion and faith deathly seriously and while the hardcore violence may not exactly be Christ-like, it is in service of a character who is serious about his faith in God.

The Book of Eli is intense and violent but also devout and earnest about Eli's faith. Religious folk may be turned off by the grit and violence but they will no doubt appreciate the Hughes Brothers straight forward portrayal of Eli as a solemn, faithful soldier in service of God.

If the God stuff makes you uncomfortable, you can still appreciate the very cool ways in which the Hughes Brothers frame Denzel Washington slicing and dicing bad guys. Whether it's the stellar overpass scene or a Tarantino-esque bar fight scene, The Hughes Brother and Denzel know how to get their violence on.

The Book of Eli is gritty, bloody, tense and faithful all in one terrific movie.

Movie Review Punisher Warzone

Punisher Warzone (2008) 

Directed by Lexi Alexander

Written by Nick Santora, Art Marcum, Matt Holloway 

Starring Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Julie Benz, Dash Mihok, Wayne Knight 

Release Date December 5th, 2008 

Published December 5th, 2008 

That sound you have been hearing for weeks as commercials aired for Punisher Warzone with the collective America all screaming "WHO" when the name Ray Stevenson was touted. Who the hell is Ray Stevenson? He was one of the stars of HBO's well respected series Rome.

Of course, that show never averaged more than 2 million viewers per airing in its two seasons and only 200,000 of those viewers are likely to be able to recognize good ol' Ray as Titus Pullo. So why does Lionsgate tout Ray Stevenson? Who knows.

They would have been much better off touting the film's extraordinary violence. Punisher Warzone cuts more throats, explodes more heads and spills more fake blood than any three of the Saw films combined. The perverse level of violence and the director's lingering camera as said violence commences reaches an almost entertaining level of kitsch.

Almost.

Ray Stevenson (Yes, that Ray Stevenson) stars as Frank Castle, an ex-special forces soldier whose family was killed in cold blood. Now he spends his days hunting the wicked and has set his sights on the local mob. Led by the sadistic Billy Russoti (Dominic West) this collection of mobsters are some of the most offensive goomba stereotypes in history.

Most of these Italian stereotypes are just cannon fodder for Frank who in the opening scenes swings into action slicing heads, necks and limbs. He is soon swinging upside down from a chandelier shooting a pair of guns that mow down a roomful of gangsters, murdering not just goombas but the laws of physics as well.

It comes down, of course, to a battle between Frank Castle and Russotti who by the end has been renamed Jigsaw, an affront to the exceptional baddie from the Saw movies. There are a couple of cops involved as well, Dash Mihok and Colin Salmon play a pair of the worst cops in movie history.

Director Lexi Alexander shows one thing in Punisher Warzone,  you don't have to be a man to record some seriously hardcore violence. Alexander in fact pushes beyond even her most perverse counterparts, leading one to wonder if her gender played a role in her choice to  include so much violence. If so, what was she trying to prove?

Punisher Warzone is violent in ways so outlandish you almost have to admire it. I don't admire it but I was mildly amused. Unfortunately, director Alexander fails to go for the full on kitsch and the movie bogs down when there isn't blood being spilt. That takes the film from so bad it's good to just plain bad.