Movie Review I Am Number 4

I Am Number 4 (2011) 

Directed by D.J Caruso

Written by Alfred Gough, Miles Millar, Marti Noxon 

Starring Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Teresa Palmer, Dianna Agron, Kevin Durand

Release Date February 18th, 2011

Published February 18th, 2011

If the half baked Twilight novels can ride teenage Vampires and Chastity to box office bonanza why can't a half baked story about teenage aliens and chastity do the same. That is the unspoken origin story of “I Am Number 4” a supremely lame attempt to clone the success of “Twilight” by trading angsty vamps for angsty aliens.

Number 4 (Alex Pettyfer), alternately referred to as Daniel or John looks like any other handsome teenager but that Number 4 designation kind of tips off the fact that there is more to him than meets the eye. Number 4 is an alien being from the planet Lorian. He is hiding on earth with his warrior bodyguard, Henri (Timothy Olyphant), while he waits for his powers, known to his people as Legacies, to be revealed.

Meanwhile, his numbered brethren are being hunted down by the evil Mogadorians who destroyed Lorien. The Mogadorians have killed 1,2,3 and are now on the trail of Number 4. After nearly revealing himself as an alien living in Florida, Number 4 and Henri move to Paradise, Ohio where Henri hopes to find a human with important information.

In Paradise Number 4 becomes John and begins attending High School because the plot needs him to. At school John meets and falls in love with Sarah Hart (Dianna Agron, Glee). He also by chance befriends Sam (Callan McAullife), the son of the man Henri came to Paradise to find. What luck that Sam has what Henri needs, a rock containing a link between the remaining numbered Lorians.

You don't have to be a psychic to know that I Am Number 4 is building toward a showdown between Number 4 and Mogadorians and that he will likely win this showdown as many sequels ride on his 

winning. Director D.J Caruso brings a modest amount of skill to keeping us distracted from the inevitability of this plot but the material is too weak to keep all the seams from showing.

”I Am Number 4” is a naked cash grab; a supremely lame attempt to lure in “Twilight” fans for a new, easily sequelized, franchise built on iconic genre creatures, aliens instead of Vampires, and great looking actors who do little else than look good. Not to demean young star Alex Pettyfer too much. Pettyfer is a really handsome kid hamstrung by a part that doesn't offer him any challenge.

Pettyfer along with Glee star Dianna Agron and Teresa Palmer, who plays yet another numbered Lorian, Number 6 for those who care, are all great looking and if that were all it took to make a movie work they would have a real hit on their hands. Those of us however, who go to movies for more than just the ogling of pretty people will find “I Am Number 4” lacking.

”I Am Number 4” was the brainchild of legendary liar and literary fraud James Frey who has found another money making scam, young adult fiction. Under the odd pseudonym 'Pittacus Lore' he and co-writer Jobie Hughes have demonstrated just how easy Twilight has made it for hacks to crack the book biz these days. 

Take a legendary genre character, in this case aliens, throw them in a high school setting. Give them bullies and bad guys; teen angst and a little chaste romance and cook for 30 minutes. Bang! You've got a young adult bestseller just aching for a Hollywood adaptation. 

The cynicism pours from every scripted word of “I Am Number 4” and while I don't blame the young actors involved, everyone else in this production should be (but are not) ashamed of this movie. It's our fault for giving them such an easy in, it was our culture that allowed “Twilight” to thrive. As long as we don't ask for more than just pretty, stupid movies then “I Am Number 4” is what Hollywood is going to give us.

Movie Review Shanghai Knights

Shanghai Knights (2003) 

Directed by David Dobkin 

Written by Alfred Gough, Miles Milar 

Starring Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Fann Wong, Donnie Yen, Aidan Gillen 

Release Date February 7th, 2003 

Published February 7th, 2003 

I was not a fan of Shanghai Noon, the first teaming of Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson. That film was a dull amalgam of Western cliches and Chan's usual kung-fu histrionics leavened slightly by Wilson's surfer dude charm. So I must admit I wasn't looking forward to the sequel, Shanghai Knights, which transplants the Western duo from Nevada to Britain.

It's 1887 and Britain and China are attempting to avoid a war. The peace process is not helped however by the theft of China's Great Seal, which is the symbol of power in China. The man charged with the protection of the seal is killed and he happens to be the father of Chon Wang (Chan). The seal was stolen by a British aristocrat who was supposed to be heading the peace process. The bad guy is tracked to Britain by Lin Wang, Chon's sister (smokin hot Fan Wong).

After receiving word from his sister, Chon leaves his post as a Nevada Sheriff for New York City so that he can hook up with his old friend Roy O'Bannon (Wilson) to retrieve his portion of the treasure they collected in the first film. Not surprisingly, Roy has blown through the entire treasure printing a book about their first adventure that paints himself as the hero. With debtors and cops chasing him, Roy joins Chon on his trip to Britain.

Once in Britain our heroes join up with a Scotland Yard detective, whose full name is one of the film's many strained-in jokes, to find Chon's sister and track the man who stole the Great Seal. Standing in their way is not only the British villain Rathbone, but a Chinese villain Wu Yip, played by Donnie Yen. Another complication is Roy's attraction to Chon's sister, which Chon attempts to discourage but will no doubt be forced to accept.

The film of course features Chan's typical kung-fu stuff, but it seems fresher than usual here with a slightly more rehearsed feel that makes it more fluid and witty. There is a terrific sequence that takes place with Chan and some police officers in a revolving door that combines Keystone cops, Charlie Chaplin and Bruce Lee. Another sensational sequence honors silent screen superstar Harold Lloyd as Chan and Wilson hang precariously from a clock face.

Why does Shanghai Knights succeed where the first film failed? I'd say the change in location helped but also the chemistry between Wilson and Chan is the biggest improvement. In their first teaming, the two never seemed to be on the same page, with Wilson's laid back charm exposing Chan's weakness with the language. The stunts in Shanghai Knights seem fresher and better choreographed than most of Chan's recent work, especially in the dreadful Tuxedo.

Director David Dobkin infuses the film with a stronger wit and more consistent pace than the first film's helmer, who too often relied on Chan's fighting skills and forgot to make the film funny. Shanghai Knights has those typical buddy movie moments and can't help getting caught up in genre cliche but its wit and energy carries it over the rough spot and makes for an entertaining little fluff piece. A great popcorn film.

Movie Review: The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008) 

Directed by Rob Cohen 

Written by Alfred Gough, Miles Millar 

Starring Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, Russell Wong, Michelle Yeoh 

Release Date August 1st, 2008 

Published July 30th, 2008 

Brenden Fraser has long been one of my favorite actors. No actor does big, goofy galoot, nearly as well as Fraser who has essayed roles as a caveman, as George of the Jungle, and in the Mummy movies a 40's era action movie leading man. Often, even when the movie really stinks Fraser remains above the fray, a goofy, good time presence. Unfortunately, even Fraser's good natured goofiness can't rescue the latest in the Mummy series, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. By the end of this 2 plus hour slog even Fraser seems tired.

When we rejoin the Mummy-verse, Rick O'Connell (Fraser) and his wife Evelyn (Maria Bello, replacing the not returning Rachel Weisz) have retired from the adventure business. After turning back the attack of the mummy Imhotep twice, and even an encounter with the Scorpion King, Rick and Evy are in a welcome respite. At home in their stately manse in England they spend lazy days fishing, writing and being bored out of their minds.

Yes, they actually miss the days when they were risking their lives against supernatural forces and narrowly escaping death through cunning and guile. So, when a British official shows up asking them to return to duty to accompany an ancient artifact to China they leap at the chance. And, as luck would have it, Evy's brother John happens to have moved to Shanghai and opened a nightclub.

Meanwhile, Rick and Evy's son Alex (Luke Ford) happens to be in China discovering the lost tomb of the legendary Dragon Emperor (Jet Li). Unfortunately, after he makes his discovery, Luke gets double crossed and a group of military exiles take possession of the Emperor and set about restoring him to eternal life. Now, Luke and his parents must join forces with an ancient witch (Michelle Yeoh) and her daughter (Isabella Leong) to battle the resurrected dragon emperor and his army of Terra cottar warriors.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor was directed by Rob Cohen with a tin ear for melodrama and big action. Listening to characters in this latest Mummy movie chat, you get a painful series of scenes where characters state what just happened ir what happens next in stultifying exposition. It's the most perfunctory, irritating explication you can imagine. When they aren't explaining things to us that we are already painfully aware of, characters are professing their feelings to each other with lunkhead-ed platitudes that would make the folks at Hallmark wretch.

Of course, you can't expect a Mummy movie to have great dialogue, if you've seen the previous two blockbusters, and the offshoot, The Scorpion King, you know what you can expect of the script. You have to just hope going in that there won't be so much of those endless reams of expostion. Hopefully you get big action and effects scenes to drown out whatever waste of breath dialogue there may be. Stephen Sommers, who directed the first two Mummy movies, mastered the ability to put action and effects ahead of all else.

Unfortunately, Sommers is gone and replaced by Rob Cohen whose resume includes XXX and Stealth. Those films stink pretty bad but The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor somehow manages to be even worse. On top of the horrendous dialogue and atrocious melodrama, the action and effects of this Mummy sequel stink. Like digital Ed Wood characters, the digital armies of the dead look worse than most modern video-games and are a hell of a lot less interesting.

Compounding the problems is the grounding of Jet Li. Promoting Jet Li as the Dragon Emperor was a downright lie. Li's role is little more than a cameo. The dragon emperor is more often than not a dull special effect that hardly even looked like Jet Li. When Jet Li does show up he is asked to actually act as opposed to leap about and do things we want Jet Li to do. It's a baffling choice but essentially the filmmakers chose a bad CGI of Jet Li over the real life Jet, arguably one the greatest human special effects of all time.

As a third movie The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor had low expectations when it was completed and somehow manages to come in worse than those expectations. This is a tremendously bad movie that leaves little doubt why Oscar nominee Rachel Weisz rejected the idea of coming back to the role of Evy. With a script this bad and a director this inept it's a wonder this film attracted the onscreen talent it did. I'm still a fan of Brenden Fraser and with the charming Journey To The Center of the earth in theaters, it's not to hard to forget Tomb of the Dragon Emporer. I just cannot forget it fast enough.