Movie Review Leprechaun

Leprechaun (1993) 

Directed by Mark Jones

Written by Mark Jones 

Starring Warwick Davis, Jennifer Aniston, Ken Olandt, Mark Holton 

Release Date January 8th 1993 

Published January 9th, 2023 

Reflecting the movie Leprechaun 30 years later, it's a movie that should not exist. To steal phrase from a popular podcast, 'How did this Get Made?' How did a filmmaker look at a box of Lucky Charms and think to himself: Leprechaun horror movie. The existence of Leprechaun is perplexing enough but then, when you actually watch the movie, the questions only grow. This bizarre amalgamation of horror tropes, looney tunes gags, and endless continuity errors is undeniably entertaining but not for many of the reasons the filmmakers intended. 

Leprechaun begins on the sight of our titular anti-hero, the Leprechaun (Warwick Davis), savoring his pot of gold. Then, smash cut to a limousine somewhere in North Dakota. Inside the limo is Dan O'Grady (Shay Duffin), fresh from a trip to Ireland and flush with new found money. It seems that Mr. O'Grady, at some point unseen by us, captured and robbed the Leprechaun of his precious gold. Unfortunately for Dan and his beloved wife, Mrs. O'Grady (Pamela Mant), the Leprechaun wasn't keen on this idea and has followed Dan back to America for revenge. 

Cut to 10 years later. Dan O'Grady is gone after having trapped the Leprechaun in a crate in his basement with the aid of a four leaf clover, the kryptonite of the Leprechaun world. A father and daughter, J.D and Tory Redding, John Sanderford and Jennifer Aniston, are moving into the former home of the O'Grady's. Through a series of coincidences involving the unusual trio of young men hired to paint their new home, the titular Leprechaun escapes and goes on a rampage in search of his lost gold. 

Leprechaun began life as a straight ahead horror movie. Writer-Director Mark Jones admits that he looked at a box of Lucky Charms and that's where the idea came from. What with Halloween and Christmas having successfully launched horror franchises, why not St. Patrick's Day? That kind of mercenary logic is how you get something as strange and memorable as Leprechaun. This was 100% not a passion project for anyone, it was strictly a means to creating a cheap, repeatable holiday horror franchise. 

The only element that no one could have predicted was how much actor Warwick Davis would take to his Leprechaun character. The beloved star of Willow appears to delight in the role of a murderous Leprechaun. Davis is having a blast in this big broad character and it's hard not to enjoy just how much he is enjoying the nonsense he's involved in. Little of what he does or that the character is capable of makes any lick of sense, but Davis performs all the nonsense with such relish you can't help but have a little fun. 

Click here for my full length review at Horror.Media 

Movie Review Horrible Bosses 2

Horrible Bosses 2 (2014) 

Directed by Sean Anders

Written by Sean Anders, John Morris 

Starring Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston, Jamie Foxx, Chris Pine 

Release Date November 26th, 2014 

Published November 25th, 2014

Streaming on HBO Max 

“Horrible Bosses 2″ is a strange experience. While it was happening I laughed and it seemed to be working. I step away from it however,  and time is unkind. “Horrible Bosses 2″ unravels like a homemade Christmas sweater when placed under a critical eye.

Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Charlie Day are back in the roles of Nick, Curt and Dale and out from under the yoke of their horrible bosses that they attempted to kill in the 2011 original. Striking out on their own they have an invention that they hope will make them their own Bosses. Unfortunately, though the product does attract financiers, our heroes’ business instincts leave them in the hole and forced once again to extreme measures.

2 time Academy Award winner Christoph Waltz is the big bad Boss this time who quickly hoodwinks the trio out of their invention. Waltz’s Bert Hanson takes little time outwitting our heroes leading to the scheme that is the center point of the film: kidnapping Hanson’s son Rex (Chris Pine) in hopes to score enough ransom to save the company and the dream of not having a boss.

Starring Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day, Jamie Foxx, Chris Pine, Jennifer Aniston and Christoph Waltz

Energy is the main reason why “Horrible Bosses 2″ works in the moment but does not sustain itself in memory. The laughs that the film generates come from the immediate energy with which Bateman, Sudeikis, Day and Pine interact. Each segment of “Horrible Bosses 2″ plays out the same way: a scene begins with one character introducing a plot point and then the other actors riff on it until things get loud enough for Bateman to throw cold water on the whole thing as the straight man.

Scene after scene in “Horrible Bosses 2″ plays out in the exact same fashion and eventually the law of diminishing returns kicks in. As a change up, the third act turns nasty with an unexpected murder and the return to the plot of Jennifer Aniston’s sexpot and Jamie Foxx’s hustler each to lesser levels of excitement and humor.

I’m being hard on “Horrible Bosses 2″ and yet I really did laugh a lot during the movie. Bateman, Sudeikis and Day can’t help but be funny together and the obvious freedom they have to invent their dialogue allows them to bounce off each other in the colorful and familiar fashion of real friends.

Those interactions however, even as they are funny in the moment, don’t have a lasting quality. Nothing about “Horrible Bosses 2″ resonates long after you see it. The energy of the moment dissipates quickly after the movie ends and what remains is the vague memory of laughs and some of the nastier parts of the plot that failed to enhance the humor.

Movie Review Just Go With It

Just Go With It (2011) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan 

Written by Alan Loeb, Timothy Dowling 

Starring Adam Sandler, Brooklyn Decker, Jennifer Aniston, Nick Swardson 

Release Date February 11th, 2011 

Published February 11th, 2011 

Adam Sandler has given up. The star of “Just Go With It” simply isn't trying anymore. Having sussed out that his fans will attend any trip he slaps his name on, Sandler is now giving his fans the effort they deserve. If they are not going to ask for anything more than a few moments of him barking like a dog or a friend of his humping something, why should he offer anything more than a minimum effort?

In “Just Go With It” Sandler plays Danny, a plastic surgeon who got dumped on his wedding night some 20 years ago and found out that night that his now useless wedding ring was somehow an aphrodisiac. Thus, he has spent the past two decades wearing the ring, telling stories of being abused by his wife and bedding bimbo after foolish bimbo.

And then Danny met Palmer (Sports Illustrated model Brooklyn Decker), a fourth grade teacher who happens to meet him when he's not wearing his fake ring. The two hit it off but when she accidentally happens upon the ring she wants nothing to do with him. What's Danny to do but lie about getting a divorce in order to win her back? Unfortunately, Palmer insists on meeting the soon to be ex-Mrs. Danny.

With nowhere to turn, Danny calls on his assistant Katherine (Jennifer Aniston) to be the fake wife who will give her blessing to his new relationship. How these three along with Katherine's two kids and Danny's idiot cousin Eddy end up in Hawaii I will leave you to discover should you willingly waste the price of a ticket and nearly two hours of your precious life on “Just Go With It.”

My theory is that when “Grown Ups” became Sandler's highest grossing domestic feature it finally hit him that he no longer had to try. Heck, “Grown Ups” was just him goofing off with his pals and people paid millions to watch, clearly he doesn't have to work hard ever again. To test the theory Sandler along with his pal and favored director Dennis Dugan decided to take a Hawaiian vacation on a studio dime and film it just to see if people would watch him on a vacation.

Are there jokes in “Just Go With It?” Yes, I think they are intended as jokes but just to demonstrate the effort on display twice in the film Sandler simply barks like a dog as a punch line to a scene. TWICE! The old standbys are there as well including vague, shrugged shouldered homophobia and slight bestiality because what would a Sandler movie be without someone humping something.

Jennifer Aniston didn't merely get a vacation out of “Just Go With It,” in one pointless scene she gets a brand new wardrobe, one I wouldn't be surprised went home with her for real and why not the whole production was an excuse for a free trip to Hawaii why shouldn't she get a wardrobe in the deal.

Here's hoping Nicole Kidman, who has an awful cameo as an ex college rival of Aniston's Katherine, got something more out of “Just Go With It” than damage to her Oscar chances a la Eddie Murphy in “Norbit.” Kidman and poor Dave Matthews are saddled with such moronic characters that it’s fair to wonder if Sandler and Dugan really didn’t like them very much.  

Someone once said 'You only get what you give.' You gave Sandler millions just to watch him and his friends pee in a pool in “Grown Ups” so you can't be surprised that all he gives you in “Just Go With It” is a glimpse of his fabulous multimillion dollar Hawaiian vacation with Brooklyn Decker and Jennifer Aniston. Keep it up and his next movie will just be him in his living room watching old episodes of SNL with Scarlett Johansson as the girl who delivers his pizza.

Movie Review Love Happens

Love Happens (2009)

Directed by Brandon Camp

Written by Brandon Camp, Mike Thompson

Starring Aaron Eckhart, Jennifer Aniston, Dan Fogler, Judy Greer, Martin Sheen

Release Date September 18th, 2009 

Published September 18th, 2009 

Is there possibly a less passion inspiring romance title than Love Happens? Love eh? Love Ensues? Love Stumbled Upon? If only the low watt title were the film's biggest problem. Oh no. Love Happens is riddled with troubles. Quirk ridden stand ins where characters should. A storyline as predictable as sunrise. And then there is a damn bird.

Aaron Eckhart stars in Love Happens as self help guru Burke Ryan. He's Dr. Phil but handsome. Burke lost his wife 3 years ago in a car accident which led to him writing a book about living with loss. Now he travels the country with his faithful sidekick (Dan Fogler), performing workshops to help people cope with loss.

Finding himself back in the city where his wife died, Seattle, Burke is looking to get in and get out before his past catches up with him. Literally while he isn't looking, Burke stumbles upon Eloise, a flower shop owner with one weird quirk on top of another. She likes to write obscure words on walls behind paintings in hotel hallways. (I said it was a weird quirk).

He is smitten immediately but she blows him by pretending to be a mute. Her ruse doesn't hold up and their next encounter is an argument. An argument that of course means they are destined to fall in love. Destined though they may be they first must be kept apart and a predictable secret from his past is supplied solely for the purpose of keeping them at a distance.

Don't worry, I won't spoil the big reveal of Burke's secret, the movie will do that in the first 5 to 10 minutes. Anyone who has seen movies like Sweet November or Return To Me or really any similarly hoary cliched romance won't need a map to find this ending well before it arrives for the characters.

It is the nature of a romantic comedy to be a little predictable, not many end with the lovers parting ways. Thus, these movies are more about the journey than the destination. Unfortunately, this is one lame journey. One that feels twice as long as it really is.

Brandon Camp is a first time director whose experience is mostly in TV drama. His roots likely contribute to the episodic, disjointed storytelling that devotes a good deal of time to filler material to pad itself out beyond what might have been better suited to something of 44 minutes plus commercials.

Most egregious of the filler material is a subplot involving a man who lost his little boy and attends Burke's seminar. While we are supposed to like Burke the film keeps making him out as a shyster. Then he alternately attempts to help and rip off this pained father, effectively portrayed by John Carroll Lynch, in serious scenes sandwiched between goofball romance scenes.

Love Happens has about as much consistency in tone as it does energy in that stupid title. One minute we are in the midst of both characters in a wacky moment. Next we are watching people who have lost a family member be taken in by a shyster who is supposed to be our hero.

Wow, what a mess this movie is. From the bizarre maudlin subplots to the lame secret right down to the two main characters who aren't so much characters as a collection of traits given to Eckhardt and Aniston to drop in as they wish. She likes writing on walls. He's afraid of elevators. She keeps copies of other people's love notes. He might be an alcoholic.

Not one of these traits has any kind of payoff, at least not one that makes any difference to the main plot. The traits exist only to give the actors something to do in between the bouts of mind-numbingly awful dialogue that includes not just 'when life gives you lemons....' but also 'if you love something, set it free'. Ugh.

And then there is the damn bird. Folks, if you are a member of PETA you will want to skip Love Happens. The bird goes unharmed, for the most part but its treatment in the film is beyond idiotic. Worse, it assumes that we in the audience are just as dumb as the movie.

Love Happens is an abysmal bit of treacle aimed at the soft hearted and softer headed. Not even the uncontainable charms of the wonderful Jennifer Aniston can bring this treacle any more life than that shrug shouldered title, Love Happens.

Movie Review The Bounty Hunter

The Bounty Hunter (2010) 

Directed by Andy Tennant

Written by Sarah Thorp

Starring Jennifer Aniston, Gerard Butler

Release Date March 19th, 2010

Published March 18th, 2010

Leave it to a movie as utterly insane and forgettable as The Bounty Hunter to make me search my critical soul. Though it is more likely a case of coincidental timing, I find myself reviewing this ludicrous Jennifer Aniston/Gerard Butler action comedy at a time when the world of film criticism is in turmoil.

Recently, top flight critics have been losing their jobs and that has led to a good deal of hand wringing, soul searching and a number of eulogies for professional criticism. For me, this conversation about the state of my business, the thing I truly love doing, writing about the movies, has me considering what kind of critic I am, what purpose I serve.

So many people over the years have asked me why I can't just watch a movie and leave it at that. My answer to that is that I love conversation and what better inspires conversation than a good or bad movie. I review movies to be part of a conversation that has, thanks to the web, spread across the world.

My theory about the movies is that they should do something to improve the lives of the people giving up their money and time to see them. When I feel that a film has failed to aspire to anything more than its own completion I get angry and that is where a bad review comes from.

A good review comes when I find something valuable in the experience. Whether the film is merely a passing entertainment or something that can transform the way we look at the world, each has in its way improved our lives if only for a minute or for the rest of our time on earth.

Some critics write because they like the sound of their own voice in their head as they type. Ok, all critics like that. I hope that I myself aspire to something more than my own self satisfaction. I hope that people read my words and am inspired to offer their own interpretation. If I can inspire a conversation, I feel that I have accomplished something.

With that, let's have a very brief conversation about The Bounty Hunter, a brainless, witless waste of screen time starring Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston. The inane story has Aniston's journalist blowing off court for a story and having a warrant issued for her arrest.

The warrant ends up in the hands of her ex-husband, a former cop turned bounty hunter who cannot believe his luck in getting to arrest his ex-wife. That's the joke. A dopey formerly married guy gets to arrest his ex-wife. It's a literal take on the old 'Take My Wife... Please,' vaudeville and the movie feels even older and creakier than a vaudeville routine. 

I hate wasting another word on the career decline of Jennifer Aniston but I must mention that, take away Marley and Me which was a minor pleasure, she has now starred in four movies that are not merely bad, they are dreadful. He's Just Not That Into You, Management, Love Happens and The Bounty Hunter comprise, arguably, the ugliest resume this side of Rob Schneider. 

As for Mr. Butler, Hollywood's continuing attempt to convince us he is a star fails miserably once again. On the heels of The Ugly Truth, Gamer and Law Abiding Citizen comes The Bounty Hunter as further proof that big pecs, a lopsided smile and an accent are apparently all it takes to be a movie star these days. 

I

 apologize for my snark. But as I was saying earlier, in my soul searching moments, I feel my time and yours is valuable and these two actors and this director have wasted more of my life than many others have. The Bounty Hunter inspired me to think about why I became a critic and why I love writing about movies. It happened to come along at a time when critics across the country are debating their role in the culture. 

My role, I feel, is to have this written conversation with you, dear reader, about a movie that I truly hated and why I hated it and why the actors involved have become such a burden to me. You can choose to ignore this conversation or engage in it. Here's hoping our next conversation will be about a movie we both love.

Movie Review: The Switch

The Switch (2010) 

Directed by Will Speck, Josh Gordon

Written by Allan Loeb

Starring Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, Patrick Wilson, Jeff Goldblum 

Release Date August 20th, 2010

Published August 19th, 2010

There is chemistry between Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman despite what you see in the new movie The Switch. In a rare few scenes of this disposable formula comedy from the Hollywood factory floor Aniston radiates warmth and Bateman shows wit and the personalities that I'm sure they thought these characters had shines through.

These scenes are all too brief and surrounded by so much tripe that I cannot recommend you bother searching for the good moments, I can merely assure you those moments really are there. The Switch buries what good there is between the two leads beneath so much banal, humorless chatter that sifting the remains becomes a dumpster dive.

The Switch stars Bateman as sadsack stock trader Wally who is in love with his best friend Kassie (Aniston) though he doesn't yet know it. Kassie doesn't know it either but only through a massive level of cluelessness. Both are in their early 40's when Kassie announces she wants a baby and will be getting an artificial insemination.

Wally is opposed to this plan, not because his best friend is aiming to become a 40 something single mom but because he's in love with her but incapable of admitting it. Thus we arrive at the title plot; at a party where Kassie will be inseminated (is this really something people do?) Wally get wasted and stumbles on the sperm, plays with the sample cup and accidentally spills it. His solution? Give a new sample. These scenes are handled with the implied level of dignity, i.e none whatsoever for poor Jason Bateman, or poorer still, Diane Sawyer. Don't ask.

Cut to 7 years later, Kassie moved to Minnesota with her new baby but is now ready to return to New York. Wally is waiting and because he doesn't remember making the switch, he doesn't know the kid, Sebastian (Thomas Robinson), is his. Oh but he will find out and then tell Kassie and well you can figure out where all of this is going.

There is a talented ensemble rounding out the cast of The Switch including veterans Juliette Lewis and the wonderful Jeff Goldblum, but sadly all are stranded in a go nowhere script by Allen Loeb and the atonal direction of Josh Gordon and Will Speck. As the actors ache to bring something more to these characters they are shredded down to essences, Wally is morose and bumbling, Kassie is shrill and clueless and everyone else is rendered unimportant, more walking exposition than characters.

Scenes arrive and thud as the characters sketch the plot points and the scene ends without anything funny happening. The dialogue is witless and the direction strips out nuance in favor of hitting imaginary points along the lines of a map toward banal, middle of the road Hollywood romance.

The Switch is more concept than movie. Jeffrey Eugenides conceived the idea for his short story The Baster which is a thoughtful if slightly depressing short story published by the New Yorker in 1996. That story involved characters who were aware of their feelings, abortion and a deep history between the characters that Eugenides manages to communicate with an economy of words that would barely add up to 3 or 4 scenes in The Switch. 

Gone is any hint of honest back-story replaced with cluelessness that becomes not a running gag as maybe it should have been but is instead one of the artificial roadblocks used to pad this story out to feature film length. The other device is Patrick Wilson as Roland the cuckold in waiting who exists only to sustain the unlikely notion that Wally and Kassie won't end up together. 

I will leave you to discover what happened in Mr. Eugenides' far superior short story; you don't need a map or a spoiler alert to intuit where things are headed in The Switch. As with any romantic comedy it's not about the destination, we know what's expected and what we all want to happen in a rom-com. The key is crafting a journey for the audience that is smart, funny and diverting enough to make the inevitable payoff worth your time. The Switch fails miserably on this front by crafting a tedious, unfunny journey. 

It's a real shame because there is a moment when Jason Bateman is watching the kid, now 6 years old, and Jennifer Aniston walks in just watches Bateman and the kid. In this moment you can see the potential and when they finally look at one another you can sense the better movie that these two talented people could have made were they not saddled with the conventions of such an insipid and typical Hollywood formula.

Movie Review Marley & Me

Marley & Me (2008) 

Directed by David Frankel

Written by Scott Frank and Don Roos

Starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston, Alan Arkin

Release Date December 25th, 2008

Published December 24th, 2008

I haven't had a dog since I was a kid. His name was Rusty. I have this painting that someone bought at goodwill or a garage sale that just happens to be of a dog that looks exactly like Rusty. I cannot walk past it without smiling. Rusty was the dumbest dog in history. He would answer to any name shouted loud enough and he chased parked cars. But he was my dog and I loved him. The new movie Marley & Me with Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston inspires that sort of pet related introspection. The movie based on John Grogan's bestselling book is filled with spot on recreations of the kinds of memories dogs leave behind.

John Grogan wanted to be a globetrotting journalist who wrote the stories that changed the world. Instead, he went to work at the Sun Sentinel in Florida and covered city council meetings and wrote the occasional obituary. When he got his big break it wasn't going to Columbia to track the drug trade like his pal Sebastian (Dr. McSteamy, Eric Dane).

Nope, John Grogan's big break came when a columnist quit the Sentinel on short notice and his editor (Alan Arkin, in all his cantankerous glory) needed someone to fill 600 words in the lifestyle section. That was when John wrote his first article on his dog Marley, aka the world's worst dog, and launched himself to national syndication.

Marley was the world's worst dog. He ate everything from shoes to drywall. If there was a thunderstorm he might do more damage than the storm itself. John and his wife Jenn, also a journalist, got Marley when Jenn began talking about having a baby and John decided, behind her back, that he wasn't ready. Sebastian suggested getting the dog as a way of putting her off and it worked for a while. Eventually however, the Grogan's did have a baby and the family and Marley continued to grow.

Directed by David Frankel, the movie made from John Grogan's bestseller is filled with heart and humor in a most earnest fashion. It's something unlikely in the age of irony and disaffection for a movie to be so bravely serious about the day to day life of a family. The risk is being labeled cheesy, sentimental or cornball. Director David Frankel doesn't seem to care about the labels and in not caring the film is almost heroic.

There is nothing wrong with irony but once in a while a movie like Marley & Me is a welcome respite from the modern form of humor all detached and 'meta' and weird for the sake of weird, or awkward for the sake of awkward. Marley & Me treats the family life of John and Jenn Grogan with a seriousness that keeps the movie from becoming the Beethoven sequel so many of us imagined.

If Frankel and writers Scott Frank and Don Roos had given the same care to John Grogan's work life I might have a lot more nice things to say about Marley & Me. Unfortunately, the filmmakers give such a strange and distorted idea of how journalism works that it becomes distracting. Trust me when I tell you that no journalist has ever shown hesitation about being promoted and been handed double his pay as an enticement. Even if there were an ounce of truth to this story, the movie doesn't make it remotely believable by playing it as Arkin and Wilson play out the scene in Marley & Me. 

It's a little thing but it irritated me.

Aside from the job stuff, Marley & Me is a fun, thoughtful, well crafted family movie that gets right every aspect of owning and loving a dog. Even if you don't own or love dogs you will appreciate the way Director David Frankel and stars Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston never condescend to the audience. The film is serious about the way it treats the Grogan family and the humor emanates from a place of truth because of that seriousness.

Movie Review Management

Management (2009) 

Directed by Stephen Belber

Written by Stephen Belber 

Starring Steve Zahn, Jennifer Aniston, Woody Harrelson, Fred Ward

Release Date May 15th, 2009

Published October 10th, 2009

I have seen some truly unendurably awful movies; I'm looking at you All About Steve, but few are as mind numbingly tone deaf awful as Management, a new, supposed, romance starring Steve Zahn and Jennifer Aniston. From first time writer-director Stephen Belber comes a romance so ludicrous and so off-puttingly wacked that even Ms. Aniston's charm gets trampled in the wake.

Management stars Steve Zahn as a slow witted creep who acts as the night manager at his parents roadside motor lodge in Kingman Arizona. One night he meets Sue (Aniston) who's just passing through on business. It's love at first sight for him but she is rightly creeped out, especially after he drops by her room unannounced with a bottle of champagne and invites himself in.

The whole thing should end there. He's a creepy, 40 something adolescent and she sees that right away. We see it more than she does because he is the supposed hero of this disaster and thus we are subjected to him throughout. Nevertheless, the movie can't end 10 minutes in and she is forced to keep the movie going with a very bad and incomprehensible decision.

When she leaves the following day, the creep follows her, cross country, to her home in Maryland. Further poor decision making is all she can do to keep the plot moving forward. The two spend an awkward evening and morning together, no sex, and he's back on a bus to Arizona.

Oh, but we are only half way into this disaster. She must then make another bad choice and return to Arizona, on business and not really at his prompting. They have another brief interlude, including a visit to his dying mother that makes everyone uncomfortable, and then she's gone and he's chasing her across the country again.

Somehow, they get to Washington state where more incomprehensible crap takes place. She moves in with an ex played by Woody Harrelson and the creep skydives into their pool. He works and lives in the basement of a Chinese restaurant. The movie thinks these ideas are charming and funny though nothing is actually done to make them charming or funny.

The whole of Management plays like a joke that everyone involved assumed would be funny but just isn't. Jokes fall flat from the actor's mouths. Pratfalls are taken with no set up. Ideas are introduced as if the idea were really all anyone had and that should somehow be enough. It's not.

Jennifer Aniston's losing streak has reached astonishing proportions. Management is her third consecutive rom-com disaster following the abysmal twosome of He's Just Not That Into You and Love Happens. That Management is somehow worse than both of those films is even more astonishing.

Steve Zahn is a funny actor who in the right role can be very effective. Here, dressed as a teenager with the haircut of a mental patient, Zahn starts as a creep and remains a creep throughout and yet is supposed to be the romantic hero. The plausibility of any movie is negotiated on the movie's terms. Even by that standard Management fails. Even by its own rules it cannot make this creepy moron seem like a match, not just for Jennifer Aniston, but for any other human being ever.

Management is a loathsome exercise in quirk as a replacement for acting, character development and storytelling. A trainwreck of bad choices, flat humor and tone deaf pacing.  It is mind blowing that anyone involved thought this movie was a good idea.

Movie Review: Derailed

Derailed (2005) 

Directed by Mikael Hafstrom 

Written by Stuart Beattie 

Starring Clive Owen, Jennifer Aniston, Vincent Cassell, Melissa George, Xzibit 

Release Date November 11th, 2005

Published November 11th, 2005 

When Jennifer Aniston was on "Friends" she was undeniably a star. When she co-starred with Jim Carrey in her first blockbuster movie role in Bruce Almighty, again she looked like a star. Unfortunately, outside her hit TV show and without Jim Carrey to fall back on Jennifer Aniston looks anything but a star in the dreadful thriller Derailed, a misguided attempt to recast Jennifer Aniston as a femme fatale.

Alongside an equally miscast Clive Owen, Aniston struggles with a ridiculous plot, poor direction and a thriller concept that is entirely devoid of thrills.

Though Jennifer Aniston is clearly the draw of Derailed, Clive Owen is the star of the film as Charles, a bored husband and father who jumps at the chance to meet a sexy stranger on a train. That sexy stranger is Lucinda (Aniston), a banker, also married with a child but unhappily married as she is rather quick to confess. The two share a few moments on the train, then lunch the following day, drinks the next night and finally a seedy hotel.

It is in the hotel that a minor fling becomes a huge mess. Just as Charles and Lucinda are getting intimate, the door bursts open and in comes Laroche (Vincent Cassel), a petty thief who they assume just wants a few bucks. If only that was all he wanted.  Unfortunately, before he leaves he beats Charles severely and then rapes Lucinda.

Here is where the films logic becomes derailed, pun intended. So should Charles and Lucinda call the police and report what happened? If they do their spouses will find out what happened and they will lose everything. So it's understandable then that they just let it be. Charles tells his wife Deanna (Melissa George) that he was mugged.  She thankfully does not ask about going to the police, and both Charles and Lucinda go their separate ways.

Not long after, however, Charles gets a call from Laroche asking for twenty grand or else he will tell his wife Deanna that he cheated. Charles again has ample opportunity to come clean to his wife and call the cops but because the plot requires his stupidity, he pays the money. This, despite the fact that he needs the cash to pay for the care of his sick daughter Amy (Addison Timlin), who needs constant care for diabetes.

The money puts off Laroche only temporarily as he once again comes calling, even showing up at Charles' house, asking this time for one hundred grand. Can you guess that Charles still is not smart enough to call the cops? Of course he isn't, but to his luck the screenplay by Stuart Beattie provides a street smart African American ex-con named Winston (rapper RZA pronounced "riza") as a mail room worker at Charles office who offers to help him out for only ten grand.

By this point in the film I would not have cared if Charles enlisted the help of the entire Wu Tang Clan to get the bad guys off his back. Derailed is such a clueless mess of a movie that watching it is more frustrating than a game of Sudoku blindfolded. The lapses of logic are staggeringly stupid and though it's become old hat to call bad thrillers predictable I have to break out that old chestnut as well. Ads for the film ask that we don't give away the big twist and I won't, watch two minutes of the movie and you will guess the twist on your own.

Derailed has one of those idiotic plots that could be cleared up with one smart action by the main character or attention to one minor detail by one of the supporting characters. The players in Derailed must remain willfully ignorant in order for this plot to work and that is endlessly frustrating for the attentive movie goer.

Maybe the most frustrating thing about Derailed is the performance of Clive Owen. Sleepwalking his way through this ridiculous role, Owen's Charlie is passive even when threatened repeatedly and entirely manipulated by the plot at every turn. What may I ask was supposed to make Charlie an interesting thriller hero? He cheats on his wife while she is at home taking care of their sick daughter. He blows the savings meant to save his daughter's life to cover up his affair and when his family is threatened directly by the bad guys he does nothing but accept his third ass whipping in the movie. I hated Charlie as much as I hated the lowlife bad guys who took his money.

I feel very bad for Jennifer Aniston. After losing her husband Brad Pitt to Angelina Jolie and watching those two strike box office gold with Mr. and Mrs. Smith, she finds her first gig since the breakup to be arguably the worst performance of her career. Worse even than that Leprechaun sequel she was in before "Friends". It's not entirely her fault.  I'm sure someone convinced her to forego her good judgement and believe that this insipid plot could actually work if they sexed it up a bit, but even the sex in Derailed is a letdown.

Clive Owen continues a baffling string of monotone dull performances. Someone in Hollywood desperately wants Clive Owen to be a big star but his performances in Beyond Borders, King Arthur and now Derailed show an actor bored with unchallenging material and allowing that boredom to seep into his performance. When challenged in movies like his breakthrough performance in Croupier, in the thriller I'll Sleep When I'm Dead and the scathing relationship drama Closer, Owen shows he has real acting chops. Stop trying to force Clive Owen to be a star, he clearly doesn't want it.

Derailed is an abysmal movie, a worst of the year list kind of movie. A forgettable, stupid unrelentingly bad B-movie dressed up with A-list actors slumming in idiot parts.

Movie Review The Break Up

The Break Up (2006) 

Directed by Peyton Reed 

Written by Jeremy Garelick 

Starring Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn, Joey Lauren Adams, Judy Davis, Vincent D'Onofrio, Jon Favreau

Release Date June 2nd, 2006 

Published June 1st, 2006 

When Jennifer Aniston split with Brad Pitt she had the sympathy of the celebrity obsessed world. Pitt left Aniston for his Mr. & Mrs. Smith co-star Angelina Jolie who in her looks and manner is the perfect villainess foil to Aniston's all american girl. Sympathy however, does not mean much at the box office. People may have been annoyed with Pitt and Jolie for breaking poor Jenny's heart but that did not stop audiences from making Mr. & Mrs. Smith a box office blockbuster.

The sympathy has done little for Aniston's own films. Both the thriller Derailed and the high profile romantic comedy Rumor Has It were box office non-starters and this spring's Friends With Money was barely a hit by small scale indie standards. Aniston's box office troubles should end with the new comedy The Break-Up, co-starring new beau Vince Vaughn, but that does not mean that Aniston's astonishing career slide is anywhere near over. The Break-Up is a dyspeptic, almost angry anti-romance featuring two lead characters more unlikable than most horror film villains.

In The Break-Up, Aniston plays Brook, an artist who works in one of Chicago's swankiest Gallery's. While attending a Cubs game, Brook meets Gary (Vaughn), a bus tour guide, who boorishly forces an unwanted hot dog on Brook and her loser date before accosting and encouraging her into dumping the boyfriend for him.

Two years later the fastidious Brook and the disorganized Gary are living together in a beautiful condo but all is not well. Ego-centric Gary cannot seem to do anything but play video games and leave his clothes on the floor. Brook on the other hand, cannot stop nagging Gary about the ballet, doing the dishes and other such activities he hates and she enjoys. A major meltdown following a dinner with their respective families leads to a break up. However because both Gary and Brook are on the condo lease neither wants to move out. Worse yet for Brook, she does not want to give up on Gary and the relationship.

This is where I part ways with the picture. Aniston's Brook seems like a reasonably sane person. When she breaks up with Gary she has a number of good reasons for doing so, and yet, the film forces her to hope that he will simply apologize and they can get back together.This renders Brook a rather silly person. At one moment she’s standing up for herself against a slovenly and seemingly uncaring partner and the next she’s forced to whip herself into wanting to stay with the guy. 

Gary is never anything other than obnoxious, self centered and egotistical. He never shows an ounce of caring for Brook, aside from the opening montage of photographs over the credits that serve as the couple's two year backstory. He is a major jerk who puts a pool table in the dining room the day after the break up and follows that up with a stripper party in the living room to make Brook jealous. The film gives neither Brook nor us a reason to like Gary other than the fact that he is played by Vince Vaughn. That is just not enough, unless you believe Vince Vaughn is god's gift to women.

That said, Brook is no prize either. Just simply wanting this jerk back is off putting enough but the way she parades men through the apartment to make Gary jealous is just sad and pathetic. Watching her I wanted to call in Dr. Phil to sit Brook down for a talk on self esteem and bad judgment. Hurting Gary’s feelings is not something I cared about but the guys she was using for that purpose were innocent bystanders. It’s just not funny watching her so obviously use these men for such unseemly purposes.

Peyton Reed is a fascinating and challenging director. His Bring It On was a tart little comic truffle with more bite than you expect from the teen comedy genre. And more interesting, his Down With Love was a stylish, ballsy attempt to recapture the camp romance of the fifties Doris Day-Rock Hudson flicks. Neither Bring It On or Down With Love succeeded fully but both films are risky in ways most mainstream films are not.

The Break-Up too is risky in very unexpected ways. The film has a very serious edge to it. A very unexpected level of realism comes in the arguments that Vaughn and Anistons characters engage in. The fights sound like real couples arguments and not the cute banter of the usual rom-com. The fights are nasty and personal in the ways only intimate partners can be. This is very bold but also very out of place. Fans showing up for light funny romance tinged with Vince Vaughn's usual acerbic wit and outlandishness will be dazed and confused by the film's daring realism.

What is good about The Break-Up? There are a number of very funny supporting characters. Jon Favreau, as Vaughn's best friend, steals a couple scenes by giving Gary some awful advice. And John Michael Higgins, best known as one of Christopher Guest's regulars, is funny as Brook's in the closet brother who sings pop tunes acapella with his singing group 'The Tone Rangers'.

Both Favreau and Higgins characters are funny in individual scenes but they are so far apart from the central plot that they are almost from another, far funnier, movie. When The Break-Up takes its major turn toward drama in the final act both Favreau and Higgins are left behind and nearly forgotten. There is no place for their broad characters in what suddenly and quite unfortunately becomes a nasty and borderline abusive situation. 

I cannot forget to mention the brilliant Vincent D'onofrio who plays Vaughn's brother. D'onofrio is a mess of ticks and gestures in a role similar to his Law and Order Detective character but gone to pot. Disheveled and disturbed, D'onofrio makes this oddball character the most likable person in the entire film in just a few scenes. He too is lost in the wake of the film's dramatic turn and the film is worse for his loss.

Both Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are naturally likable actors. However, in this film not even their maximum charisma can overcome the nastiness that is at the heart of The Break-Up. The film is far too mean spirited and angry to be entertaining. The ad campaign positions the film as a so-called anti-romantic comedy, whatever that means. The film is certainly anti-romantic but it's also anti-humorous and anti-entertaining.

I credit the film and especially director Peyton Reed for being daring but the mixture of broad comedy and the nasty realism just doesn't come together. The characters are too poorly sketched and rely far too heavily on the real life likability of Vaughn and Aniston. As characters Gary is an egocentric dick and Brook is a simpering wimp. There is nothing romantic or comedy in this pairing. It's just sad.

Movie Review: Along Came Polly

Along Came Polly (2004) 

Directed by John Hamburg

Written by John Hamburg 

Starring Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Debra Messing, Hank Azaria 

Release Date January 16th, 2004 

Published January 15th, 2004 

2004 is shaping up to be a big year for Ben Stiller. He has 3 films coming out in just the first five months of the year and is directing another. With Starsky and Hutch due in March, his much delayed teaming with Jack Black in Envy pushed to early Spring and a just-begun multi-episode stint on Larry David's HBO series “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” Stiller is going to be everywhere this year. His first film of the year, the romantic comedy Along Came Polly with Jennifer Aniston, gets 2004 off to a good start.

In Along Came Polly, Stiller is Rueben Feffer, an expert in risk management. Ruben's job as a risk evaluator for an insurance company has taught him to be quite cautious in everything he does. Cautious even in his personal life which has caused him to settle down with Lisa (Debra Messing) for what seems like a safe, life-long commitment. However, on their honeymoon in St Barts, the couple meets a French scuba diving instructor named Claude (Hank Azaria in a stellar cameo). Of course, Claude and Lisa end up in bed together, discovered by Rueben while doing it with their scuba gear still on. No one does this kind of indignity quite as well as Stiller, who is to humiliation what Jack Benny was to being a tightwad.

Returning home, Rueben is consoled by his friend and former child star Sandy (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) who tries to raise his spirits by taking him to a party. At the party Rueben runs into Polly Prince (Jennifer Aniston), a girl he went to junior high with and who now works as a cocktail waitress in between flights of fancy that have taken her all over the world.

Rueben and Polly are totally opposite personalities, Rueben is uptight, neurotic and fearful while Polly is adventurous, carefree and owns a ferret as a pet. However, like any man who sees an opportunity to be with a beautiful woman, Rueben puts aside his fears of spicy food, salsa dancing and ferrets. Of course, all of which leads to numerous comic foul-ups where his fears get the best of him. 

Once again, Stiller's talent for taking the worst that life can give him makes these varying humiliations terrifically funny. Even the awful bathroom scene after Rueben has suffered through dinner at an Indian restaurant and the spicy food has caused his irritable bowel syndrome to act up. Ugh!

The problem with Stiller's performance in Along Came Polly, as funny as he is, is that we have seen him do variations on this same character plenty of times. Rueben is essentially just an extension of the character he played in last years Duplex who was an extension of Greg Fokker in Meet The Parents (Not so coincidentally, Parents and Along Came Polly are both written and directed by John Hamburg). Further still, those roles were basically toned down takes on Stiller's role in There's Something About Mary. Stiller's act is still funny in Along Came Polly but it is growing a little too familiar and tiresome.

As for Jennifer Aniston, she once again shows why she is the Friend most likely to breakout as a bigtime film star. She's got it, acting chops and comic timing. Her role is surprisingly small as the film makes room for a number of supporting characters. Her Polly has little interaction with the supporting characters which makes her feel as if she were in a slightly different film. Unlike Cameron Diaz in the very similar There's Something About Mary, Aniston's Polly is played straight, above all of the humiliating gross out gags. Polly is central to the plot but is outside much of the humor of the film.

The best parts of the film are the supporting roles played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Alec Baldwin and Hank Azaria. These three terrific actors are in place to put Stiller in the most humiliating situations possible and they do their jobs well. Azaria is especially funny in his small role. Carrying his best accent since his gay Puerto Rican is The Birdcage, Azaria walks nude on the beach, murders the English language and as he should puts Stiller's Rueben in the most humiliating situations possible.

The supporting players, as good as they are, do however expose one of the films main flaws. Writer-Director John Hamburg can't decide on a comic tone. The script attempts to combine over-the-top slapstick, gross-out humor with a realistic romance. The over-the-top elements pull you out of the realistic story, rendering it less believable, especially at the end when the film wants you to get emotional about whether the romance will have a happy ending.

It's difficult to criticize a film that is as funny as Along Came Polly. The cast is terrific and there are a number of funny gags. Still, the romance never feels real because, as written, it gets stepped on by the slapsticky, gross-out humor. Thus we are left with a series of comic skits tied together loosely by a romance that is only in place to give the jokes context. I can kind of recommend Along Came Polly but with a slight reservations. 

Movie Review: Bruce Almighty

Bruce Almighty (2003) 

Directed by Tom Shadyac

Written by Steve Koren, Mark O'Keefe, Steve Oedekirk 

Starring Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, Steve Carell, Morgan Freeman, Phillip Baker Hall

Release Date May 23rd, 2003 

Published May 22nd, 2003 

The concept must have seemed like a home run even without a script. Jim Carrey as a regular guy who takes on God's powers. Heck do you even need a script for that? Simply turn on the camera, let Carrey contort himself, add a catchphrase, special effects and you’re done. Thankfully the producers of Bruce Almighty decided to put together a script to go with their concept and star. It also helps to have a top notch supporting cast including Morgan Freeman and Jennifer Aniston who make Bruce Almighty rise above your usual Jim Carrey flick.

In Bruce Almighty, Jim Carrey is Bruce Nolan, a TV reporter who longs to move up to the news anchor position. His current job as a feature reporter covering stories like a record breaking chocolate chip cookie aren't exactly what Bruce had in mind when he got into journalism. At least things are good at home where Bruce has a great girlfriend, Grace (Aniston), though her sister Debbie (Lisa Ann Walter) hates him. Bruce doesn't realize Grace wants to get married, he's too wrapped up in his problems to notice.

Bad things keep happening to Bruce. Mostly it's little things like his dog not being house broken, or traffic making him late to work. But when Bruce finds out that he has lost the Anchor job to rival co-worker Evan (Steve Corell), Bruce really flips, and worse he does it on live TV while covering a story. His on air outburst gets him fired, which leads to a fight with hoodlums in the station parking lot and a fight with Grace at home.

With all that's happened to him it's easy to understand why Bruce would lash out at the almighty, and God responds. Sending message through Bruce's busted pager, God (Morgan Freeman) summons Bruce to an empty warehouse. After convincing a naturally skeptical Bruce that he is indeed God, he proceeds to give Bruce all of his powers, saying “let's see if you can do any better.”

Bruce's idea of better is a little different than God's. Mostly it's settling scores with his rivals at work, impressing his girlfriend and teaching his dog to use the toilet. Bruce also enjoys a little revenge on the hoods that beat him up. Is there anything funnier than a monkey crawling out of a guys butt? See this film and judge for yourself.

There are also prayers to deal with. Prayers that come to Bruce in the form of millions of voices in his head. His brilliant plan for dealing with the prayers leads to couple of pretty good sight gags and the potential for some real chaos that doesn't quite live up to expectation. You would think a gag where Bruce makes everyone’s prayers come true might do a little more than have everyone win the lottery on the same day.

There is an obvious in-joke in Bruce Almighty, a joke that relates Bruce's problems at work mirror Carrey's real life problems. Like his character’s longing to move from funny features reporter to serious news anchorman is an exact corollary to Carrey's longing to be a serious actor. The joke isn't overplayed and has a nice payoff that gives the audience insight into the actor’s psyche in real life.

Director Tom Shadyac still has some growing up to do, but he is beginning to mature a little as a competent comedy director. He has learned that the setup of a joke is as important as it's punchline. He has learned more about telling a coherent story that unfolds with a logical progression to a believable conclusion.

However, Shadyac still needs to curb his affection for schmaltz. If you saw his attempt at pathos and dramedy in Patch Adams, you know what I'm talking about. There are moments near the end of Bruce Almighty where the film threatens to drown in syrupy sweetness. Thank heaven for Morgan Freeman who keeps the sweetness from becoming cavity inducing with his charm, wit and calming influence. His mere presence relaxes both audience and star and makes Bruce Almighty a much better film for having cast him.

Bruce Almighty marks a return to Jim Carrey's strength, making people laugh. Not that he can't do drama, I am one of a small group who thought he was sensational in Man on the Moon. I believe he has the potential to something truly fantastic as a dramatic leading man, but much like Jerry Lewis and Charlie Chaplin before him Carrey's strength lies in making people smile and in Bruce Almighty he does it just enough to leave you with a smile as you leave the theater. That makes it an easy film to recommend. -

Movie Review The Good Girl

The Good Girl (2002) 

Directed by Miguel Arteta

Written by Mike White 

Starring Jennifer Aniston, Jake Gyllenhaal, John C. Reilly, Tim Blake Nelson

Release Date August 7th, 2002 

Published August 7th, 2002 

I sometimes wonder why I watch Friends. Was it the marketing hype? Was it the fact that seemingly everyone else watches it? Or. is the show actually pretty good. Honestly I'm not sure but I think that I like it because of the potential in the cast. Each member of the Friends cast has the talent to do something great. None has so far achieved that greatness.

Until now.

In The Good Girl, Jennifer Aniston is Justine Last, a bored to death cosmetics clerk at the Retail Rodeo. Justine hates her job and her coworkers, only tolerating their existence to make the job bearable. On top of that Justine is trapped in a loveless marriage to a lazy, shiftless pothead named Phil, expertly played by John C. Reilly. Phil and his pal Bubba (Tim Blake Nelson) paint houses together and spend most of their off hours on Justine's couch smoking weed.

Into all this comes Holden (Jake Gyllenhaal) a new hire at the Retail Rodeo. Holden is quiet and sad, always keeps to himself and Justine admires and envies his solitude. The two strike up a friendship that quickly moves to the bedroom. Of course things are never that easy. While Holden falls madly for Justine, she is unable to overcome her fears and leave her husband. After the excitement of leading the double life of wife and adulterer wears off, Justine begins to see Holden for who he truly is, an emotionally disturbed 22 year old child. The solitude and freedom she loved and coveted were products of cold indifferent parents and not her romantic notion of the tortured artist.

Aniston is superb. Her performance is raw and real. The decisions her character makes are at times shocking and dumb but the mistakes are made poignant by the desire for freedom that caused them and by Aniston's sympathetic eyes that seem constantly on the verge of tears. Aniston's supporting cast is equally strong, especially John C. Reilly who makes the husband's cluelessness endearing and sympathetic. In a great scene near the end, we find out why Phil smokes pot so much, a scene that is funny, touching and cathartic.

Gyllenhaal continues his odd streak of films from Bubble Boy to Donnie Darko and now this. In this film we see almost a repeat of his Darko role but with more sadness and rage. Writer Mike White and director Miguel Arteta teamed previously on the much buzzed about pic Chuck & Buck. After seeing The Good Girl, I desperately want to see Chuck & Buck. If it's as good as The Good Girl, we could have the next hot indie team on our hands.

The Good Girl is an art film with a pop sensibility provided by the casting of Aniston shedding her Friends role and becoming a great actress. This film could actually go down in history as the movie that killed Friends. With Aniston getting such terrific reviews and Oscar buzz it won't be long before she leaves the small screen for good.

Movie Review He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You (2009) 

Directed by Ken Kwapis 

Written by Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein 

Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly Bradley Cooper, Justin Long 

Release Date February 6th, 2009 

Published February 5th, 2009

A book based on a line of dialogue from a TV show goes on to become a massive bestseller and adapted into a major motion picture. Shouldn't the TV writer get the credit? After all, Michael Patrick King, the Sex and the City writer and his staff, were the ones who came up with this bit of mini insight. Comedian 

Greg Behrendt merely filled in the margins around that line with banal generalizations, a few John Gray Mars and Venus cribs, and humor aimed at the lifeless Lifetime TV movie crowd. It was that episode of Sex and the City about Berger telling Miranda what men really think that had the 'He's Just Not That Into You' epiphany.

And let's be real here. There was more insight into relationships in that one 22 minute Sex and the City episode than there are in the 300 some pages of Greg Behrendt's book and the nearly 2 hour movie based on it. Skip the movie and the book, let's watch Sex and the City. Unfortunately, I had to see the movie and what a chore it is. Despite one of the most impressive casts this side of a Love Boat-Fantasy Island crossover episode, He's Just Not That Into is a brutal exercise in monotonous, whiny neuroses. If I wanted that I would tape my therapy sessions.

Ginnifer Goodwin is the ostensible lead of He's Just Not That Into You and the poor girl makes a sad, sad spectacle of herself as Gigi the whiniest and most neurotic of a cast full of whiny neurotics. Her Gigi can barely read street signs, forget the subtle signals of human interaction. When she goes out on a semi-decent date with Conor (Kevin Connelly) she seems normal, just a little clueless about the signs that he isn't really that into her. Later, as she waits for him to call for another date she spends endless, ear splitting minutes detailing exactly why she is certain he will call again, including a mind numbing dissertation on the banal phrase 'Nice meeting you'.

Needless to say, Conor doesn't call back. That however may or may not have anything to do with the supremely needy vibe that Gigi puts out, but because he is obsessed with Anna (Scarlett Johansson) a girl he slept with once and now hangs out with while not getting any anymore. He cannot understand why they aren't sleeping together anymore even though they still hang out. Anyone else want to wack this guy with a baseball bat? With his pal Alex (Justin Long) he rehashes a brief conversation he had with Anna over the phone, who he called right after his date with Gigi, and how she said she would call him right back but didn't.

Anna, you see, was at a grocery store and struck up a flirtation with Ben (Bradley Cooper) just as Conor was calling. She jumped off the phone with Conor despite the wedding ring on Ben's finger. Further, despite that ring, she pushes the flirting, getting his card ostensibly so he can pass it along to an agent friend of his, she's a singer. Ben is able to control himself for a little while though he and his wife Janine (Jennifer Connelly) have been arguing throughout the massive redecoration of their new home. She wants to talk tile patterns and whether he has actually quit smoking and he just wants to have sex with Anna.

All of these various troubled relationships are presented in the most general fashion with little character development and no really interesting dialogue. Director Ken Kwapis and writers Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein definitely do justice to Greg Behrendt's book but in so doing, they are left with the same lackluster, limp dating advice that populates that absurdly popular book. Kwapis is a terrific television director, he's done some fine work with The Office but in features, yeesh. His resume includes Beautician and the Beast and, ugh, License To Wed.

Then again, he also directed the original Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants which is a movie of great warmth, humor and empathy, all of which is absent from He's Just Not That Into You. Then again, Sisterhood is based on a much better book than He's Just Not That Into You. Not that I have read Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, I have read He's Just Not That Into You and I feel very comfortable making the assumption. Ken Kwapis has some talent, how he has made such terrible films, and one pretty good one, remains a mystery to me.

Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore round out the all star cast of He's Just Not That Into You and they seem like they may be in entirely different movies. Affleck and Aniston actually escape the dreary humor free children mincing their way through this abyss of stupidity that is He's Just Not That Into You. As a couple who've been together for seven years without getting married they are saddled with the same mindless problems of the rest of the cast but they are onscreen so little and neither allows for any real whining about their problems, they miss out on the sad fates of the rest of the cast.

Poor Drew Barrymore arguably gets it the worst of anyone in arguably the smallest role in the movie. Shoehorned into the plot as Anna's best friend, Drew has a technology problem. With her MySpace page, her cellphone, her home phone, her work phone, her home email, her work email, she has to check every one every few minutes to get updates on her latest relationship. It's exhausting to be rejected in so many forms and she longs for the days of an answering machine. Ugh! Can someone just get this girl a blackberry? An IPhone? Something! Honestly, if modern tech is this hard for you, just give up. Go live in a cave somewhere.

And Drew's role is minuscule compared to Ginnifer Goodwin's Gigi who, if she were a real person, would likely have died from forgetting how to breathe. This is one of the most dull witted characters ever brought to the screen. I like Goodwin, she's an attractive girl who I know is not this mentally challenged. The character she is saddled with in He's Just Not That Into You is a flibbertigibbet moron who could barely read traffic signals, forget body language or even a direct answer from a guy telling her he is never going to call her.

Ladies, this movie is meant for you and the people who made it think that Gigi represents you. They think all of these ludicrous, brain-dead morons stand in for a type that you can relate to. This is what Hollywood thinks of you. If that is not a massive insult I don't know what is. Granted, the men in this movie don't get off easy, Kevin Connelly's Conor is pathetic beyond words, Bradley Cooper's Ben is pathetic and a jerk and Justin Long's Alex is arguably more clueless than anyone else in the film, likely because he is the stand in for Author Behrendt, as the advice giver of the group.

It is Alex who advises Gigi, regarding Conor, that 'He's Just Not That Into You' and fails to communicate that to her because he wasn't writing it on a brick and clubbing her with it repeatedly. His banal generalities about why men do what they do and why women don't get it are the thesis statement of He's Just Not That Into You and they boil down to nothing more insightful than that simpleminded title.