Movie Review Shazam Fury of the Gods

Shazam Fury of the Gods (2023) 

Directed by David Sandberg

Written by Harry Gayden, Chris Morgan 

Starring Zachary Levi, Helen Mirren, Lucy Liu, Adan Brody, D.J Cotrona, Meagan Good, Rachel Zegler 

Release Date March 17th, 2023 

Published March 20th, 2023 

Just as James Gunn is about to explode the D.C Universe, Shazam Fury of the Gods arrives to recall the Snyder-verse heyday as seems to be coming to an end. Yes, we still have an Aquaman sequel and a Flash movie in our future, but the path being cut in the D.C film universe still appears to have reached an end. Whether that is a good or bad thing is entirely subjective to your feelings about D.C's scattershot personification of superheroes in the movies. Sometimes the D.C Universe is dour and bleak and sometimes the D.C Universe is broad and goofy and nothing D.C has done has married these disparate tones despite the a clear sharing of characters across movies definitively linking the movies together. 

Zach Snyder's vision of D.C's future as a wasteland ruled over by a bitter, out of control Superman still clashes violently with the vibrant, colorful and childlike wonder of Wonder Woman 84 and especially Shazam which leans further into the candy color of childhood with Shazam Fury of the Gods. Where Snyder eagerly drained the world of color, going as far as to make black and white versions of his films, Shazam and its sequel, clearly exist in a coloring book universe of childlike imagination and bright, bright colors. Fury of the Gods even has unicorns, albeit, scary snorting, warrior unicorns, they're still unicorns and that flies desperately in the face of Snyder's self-serious to the point of parody vision. 

Perhaps that is why Shazam was never glimpsed in any of Batman/The Flash's visions of the future. There is no place in that universe for an angst-riddled, slacker, dreamer like Billy Batson. Shazam is the guy who would get too confident and get himself absolutely killed by an angry Superman. That actually tracks with the bleakness of the Snyder-verse, now that I am thinking of it. Evil of the future would totally demolish the young heroes of Shazam Fury of the Gods, a group who still marvels over their own powers and obsess about their superhero names. Well, now that I have talked myself into how the D.C Film Universe actually makes sense, via the likely horrific future death of Billy Batson and his family, let's talk about Shazam Fury of the Gods. 

As we join the story, a pair of women dressed as ancient warriors have entered a museum to retrieve a staff. This staff had been used by the big bad of the last Shazam movie. In that film, spoiler alert, Billy Batson busted the staff on the assumption that breaking it would destroy its world destroying magic. What Billy could not know was that the magic in the staff was all that was keeping sisters and ex-Gods, Hespera (Helen Mirren) and Kalypso (Lucy Liu), from entering the human realm. With the staff broken, the sisters come to Earth, reassemble the staff and proceed to murder a museum full of people. These deaths are never referenced again. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Kung Fu Panda 2

Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011) 

Directed by Jennifer Yuh Nelson

Written by Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger 

Starring Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Seth Rogen, David Cross, Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman

Release Date May 26th, 2011

Published May 26th, 2011

I long ago discovered that the best thing about the job of film critic is being surprised. It's also the rarest occurrence in the job. Rarely do movies, especially big time, mainstream blockbusters, surprise people whose job it is to write about movies. "Kung Fu Panda 2" surprised me in a big way. The animation, the story and the laughs were each an astonishing improvement over the original.

Roly Poly Kung Fu Master

Jack Black once again provides the voice of Po the panda aka The Dragon Warrior. Now the leader of the vaunted furious five, including Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Crane (David Cross) Monkey (Jackie Chan), Viper (Lucy Liu) and Mantis (Seth Rogen), Po is still a roly poly panda but now he's great at kung fu.

There is still much for Po to learn however, as Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) explains; Po now must learn inner peace. Lately, Po has been troubled by nightmares that may actually be memories of his past. Never having known his real parents, Po is suddenly becoming aware of what happened to them and how he ended up in the care of Mr. Ping (James Hong).

A Warrior of Black and White

The key to Po's past happens to coincide deeply with the rise of a new villain in China, a peacock named Shen (Gary Oldman). With his new weapon against Kung Fu, Shen intends to enslave all of China but an old soothsayer (Michelle Yeoh) has predicted his doom at the hands of a warrior of black and white.

Simple Yet Complex

I'll end my plot description there to avoid spoilers. Surprisingly, the creators of "Kung Fu Panda 2" have crafted a plot that requires discretion on the part of critics because the plot has complexity and payoffs that are much more enjoyable the less you know going in. Most kids movies forgo such complications but "Kung Fu Panda 2" writers Jonathan Aibel and Glen Berger along with director Jennifer Yuh have pulled off the remarkably difficult task of crafting a plot that is simple enough for kids to follow yet complex enough to involve adults.

The animation has great depth as well as director Yuh combines modern CG animation with touches of old school, Disney style animation. Avoid the 3D version of "Kung Fu Panda 2" and you will be rewarded with bright, beautiful colors that pop off of the screen in far more dazzling ways than a murky 3D image can deliver.

Kung Fu Panda 2 is Very Funny

I should also mention that "Kung Fu Panda 2" is really funny on top of being an involving story. Jack Black wonderfully inhabits Po and the energy and excitement he brings to each line of dialogue is terrific. What he brings to "Kung Fu Panda 2" that was lacking in the original is a slight touch of sensitivity in his voice that really nails the few really dramatic moments of "Kung Fu Panda 2."

There I go again, selling short comedies. Honestly, "Kung Fu Panda 2" is first and foremost a funny kid's movie. The creators have this time merely added a little sophistication to the storytelling, deepened the character of Po and crafted a back story with real resonance that could sustain yet another sequel.

Dreamworks Animation's Best Movie Yet

"Kung Fu Panda 2" is a wonderful movie. Director Jennifer Yuh and her team have given such careful attention to detail and nuance that they have crafted something far better than you could ever expect of a blockbuster sequel. "Kung Fu Panda 2" is funny and sweet with a big heart and a few honestly moving dramatic moments that recall the best of classic Disney and Pixar animated features and may be the best animated feature thus far crafted by the team at Dreamworks Animation, topping even their delightful "How To Train Your Dragon."

Movie Review Kung Fu Panda

Kung Fu Panda (2008) 

Directed by John Stevenson, Mark Osborne

Written by Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger 

Starring Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Ian McShane, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, David Cross

Release Date June 6th, 2008

Published June 6th, 2008

With his mischievous eyes and roli poli-ness, Jack Black is like a super cute cartoon character come to life. Real fans know there is an edge to Jables, especially teamed with his pal Kay Gee, but for the little one who knows him from School of Rock and his voicework as the wimpy shark in A Shark's Tale, he is a figure of comic cuddliness.

Who better than to play a giant, cuddly furball who dreams of kung fu glory. In Kung Fu Panda Jack Black stars as Po. As a panda he is not the most likely kung fu master. Nevertheless, when a legendary kung fu master declares that he will, after decades of wait, name the dragon warrior, the master who brings peace to all of China, it is no mistake that Po somehow is the panda for the job.

This despite the presence of the Furious Five, a collection of the greatest warriors in all of China, all trained endlessly for decades by the legendary master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman). Surely Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Monkey (Jackie Chan), Snake (Lucy Liu), Crane (David Cross) or Mantis (Seth Rogan), should be the dragon master.

But no, it's Po and his first great challenge is just days away. The evil Tai Lung (Ian McShane) has escaped from prison and is coming for the dragon warrior. Can Po learn decades worth of Kung Fu in a couple of days or will he give in to his usual laziness and leave the fighting to the Furious Five? You now the answer to that question. Luckily, Kung Fu Panda has other virtues to make it appealing beyond the predictable story. Filled with terrific cartoon slapstick and a terrific all star voice cast Kung Fu Panda is breezy, good natured fun.

Yes, it lacks the kind of intellectual and emotional undercurrents that make the Pixar films so wonderfully memorable and it doesn't have the strong social conscience of March's Horton Hears A Who. What Kung Fu Panda lacks in depth and intellect it nearly makes up for in sweet, child-like good nature.

You and your kids aren't likely to remember Kung Fu Panda long after you see it but while it's on it's a pleasant distraction; perfect for a lazy Saturday afternoon matinee.

Movie Review: Codename The Cleaner

Codename The Cleaner (2006) 

Directed by Les Mayfield 

Written by George Gallo 

Starring Cedric the Entertainer, Lucy Liu 

Release Date January 5th, 2006 

Published January 5th, 2006

I like Cedric The Entertainer, as a stand up comic. As part of the Original Kings of Comedy and on his own HBO comedy special, Cedric has shown a real talent for ribald racial humor and sly family comedy, along with indulging his love of music and humorous dance productions. His film work however, has never been able to capture the same affable personality.

As a matter of fact, Cedric’s film career has simply sucked. From Johnson Family Vacation to Man of the House to his latest starring effort Codename: The Cleaner, Cedric The Entertainer has flailed and flopped about in search of a good joke and most often comes up empty.

Codename: The Cleaner actually has what could be a clever premise in more skilled hands. Combining a dash of Chris Nolan's Memento with a touch of The Bourne Identity inside a comedy plot, the idea is there, but the execution is pitiful.

Jake Rogers (Cedric The Entertainer) woke up on the wrong side of the wrong bed this morning. Unable to remember his own name, Jake has even bigger problems than amnesia. There is a dead FBI agent in the bed with him and a suitcase full of hundred dollar bills at the foot of the bed. Did Jake kill this guy? If so why? If not, who did?

In the lobby Jake meets Diane (Nicolette Sheridan) who claims to be his wife. She knows all about his desperate situation and spirits him away to a mansion that he has no memory of living in. Jake has some kind of computer chip hidden somewhere that might help him clear his memory and figure out what all is happening and Diane desperately wants it. When her seduction skills fail to jog Jake's memory she plans to torture him, but before she can Jake escapes.

Following what little clues he has about himself, a video game company ID card and a taste for pancakes, Jake finds himself at a diner across from the videogame company where he is greeted by yet another beautiful woman, Gina (Lucy Liu), who also claims to be his significant other. She informs Jake that he is no more than a simple janitor, but Jake can't shake the idea that he is somehow a high powered secret agent.

Directed by Les Mayfield (Blue Streak,American Outlaws), Codename: The Cleaner plays like a script Martin Lawrence passed on several years ago. Cedric The Entertainer mugs and moons all he can to try inject some life into this film, one made for a big comic personality like his, but unfortunately, the goofy plot and Mayfield's inept direction keep interrupting Cedric's flow.

The comedy of Codename: The Cleaner works in small doses of Cedric being Cedric. In investigating his mysterious situation, Jake finds himself dressed in Dutch boy blues and clog dancing for a wildly entertained crowd. This is Cedric The Entertainer in his comfort zone, acting goofy; independent of the ridiculous plot. The scene is entirely unnecessary and superfluous but it's also one of the rare funny moments in otherwise laughless exercise.

I've liked Lucy Liu since her weird/sexy role on TV's Ally McBeal. It's a shame that her film career has been so wildly hit and miss. Her starring roles here and in the action flick Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever show that she should definitely avoid titles with colons in the middle, but also that maybe being a lead actress is not her strong suit. Supporting roles in Kill Bill Vol. 1 and this year's terrific but sadly underseen, Lucky Number Slevin, have been a far better showcase for her skill, her range and her beauty.

There is no denying that Cedric The Entertainer is a funny guy and that even in something as idiotic as Codename: The Cleaner he can find laughs. But no matter how funny Cedric is; Codename: The Cleaner was doomed the moment director Les Mayfield took the helm. Mayfield's resume reads like something only a mother, or Shawn Levy, could love. Blue Streak, American Outlaws, The Man, Ugh! Les Mayfield is to bad comedy what Uwe Boll is to the poorly made video game based horror film.

Now I always seem to get emails when I inject large issues into innocuous movies, especially when I talk about the treatment of women in films. However, Codename: The Cleaner is yet another film that treats its female cast members with contempt. There is no doubt that both Lucy Liu and Nicolette Sheridan are beautiful women who turn heads whether in business attire or bikinis, but was it necessary for them to wrestle nearly nude in bubbles? Not that I didn't enjoy the visual, but the gratuity of this dream sequence is beyond anything any right thinking director could justify.

As attractive as the visual is, I felt ashamed for Lucy Liu for taking part in such a degrading and unnecessary scene. As for Sheridan, her towel drop with Terrell Owens on Monday Night Football and her regular gig in the nighttime soap Desperate Housewives makes such a scene rather par for the course for her career which also includes a number of softcore straight to video flicks. That fact doesn’t change how sexist and pointless this scene was. 

Codename: The Cleaner is not offensively bad but it's far from anything I could recommend even to the most ardent fan of Cedric The Entertainer. Director Les Mayfield continues an embarrassing string of unfunny films that is likely to continue regardless of this film's box office failure. Like an old school studio hack, Mayfield makes the kind of cheap, high concept garbage that studios seem to like dumping into January, February and other non-blockbuster months.

As long as there are stand up comics in need of a quick paycheck and studios in need of dim-witted filler material; the Les Mayfield's of the world will always find work.

Movie Review Lucky Number Slevin

Lucky Number Slevin (2006) 

Directed by Paul McGuigan

Written by Jason Smilovic

Starring Josh Hartnett, Bruce Willis, Ben Kinglsey, Morgan Freeman, Lucy Liu

Release Date April 7th, 2007

Published November 14th, 2007

Director Paul McGuigan is a rising star amongst hipster film critics like myself. His style is witty, ironic, romantic, referential and just plain hip. Most important to his hipster fans, McGuigan's films aren't all that popular at the box office which allows us the opportunity to claim him as our own and say that the masses simply don't get it.

We love it when we can do that, anyone who's heard me talk about the unpopular horror film The Descent knows that. So, I'm sure, that element plays at least a small role in my appreciation of the hip hitman flick Lucky Number Slevin, a comic, romantic modern noir with plenty of bodies, bullets and dark humor. A combination that always warms my heart.

Slevin Kellevra (Josh Hartnett) is having a bad couple of days. After losing his job he found his apartment building condemned. Going to stay at his girlfriend's place he finds her in bed with his best friend. Now having made his way to New York to stay with his pal Nick, Slevin finds himself mistaken for Nick by a pair of mob bosses each claiming Nick owes them large sums of money.

Morgan Freeman plays the Boss, head of a predominantly African American mafia who remains at all times locked away in his penthouse behind panes of bullet proof glass. His nemesis is the rabbi (Ben Kingsley) who lives directly across the street also in a penthouse, also behind bullet proof glass. The two have lived in harmony and fear of one another since ending their partnership some twenty years earlier.

Now both mobsters have competing interests in this kid Nick who is actually Slevin. Nick/Slevin owes The Boss 93,000 dollars and the rabbi somewhere in the 30 to 32,000 dollar range. The boss however, is the only one to offer a way out of debt that doesn't involve large sums of cash. If Slevin will kill the Rabbi's son, known to everyone but the Rabbi as The Fairy (go ahead and guess why he's called The Fairy), his debt will be wiped clean.

What Slevin doesn't know is that the man really pulling the strings on these dueling debt scenarios is a world renowned hitman named Goodkat (Bruce Willis). The hitman is targeting Slevin but the reasons why are unclear to either the Boss or the Rabbi and to us in the audience until the clever twists begin.

To give away too much, as recent commercials for the DVD release of Slevin have, would be a crime. Part of the fun of Lucky Number Slevin are the ways in which director McGuigan and writer Jason Smilovic twist and turn audience expectations, distracting us one way with clever dialogue and turning us the other way with unexpected bursts of violence or even romance.

While staying at Nick's apartment, Slevin strikes up an unexpected flirtation with Nick's neighbor played by Lucy Liu. Josh Hartnett and Lucy Liu spark exceptional chemistry that is at first quite reminiscent of old school, fast talking, 1940's romantic comedy. As the relationship develops it becomes quite heated and becomes one of the more winning aspects of Lucky Number Slevin.

Josh Hartnett is becoming one of my favorite actors. I like the choices he makes as an actor. First with the offbeat romantic thriller Wicker Park, also directed by Paul McGuigan, in which he turned a typical thriller character into a curiously straight edge hero. Now with Lucky Number Slevin, Hartnett delivers another slightly offbeat performance.

Slevin is a character with a big mouth and no fear. He even has invented a little term for his inability to show fear, he calls it Ataraxia, it's fake don't bother looking it up. It means he simply has no fear whether it's facing down giant thugs or looking down the barrel of a shotgun or being told he has to kill another man. Hartnett plays this lack of fear to terrific comic effect and is aided greatly by a very witty and slightly off kilter script.

Bruce Willis is the rock of Lucky Number Slevin, always lurking in the background, occasionally filling in the holes of the plot but never revealing anything till it's necessary. Like his hitman character, Willis is efficient and expert in his performance. His description of a Kansas City Shuffle, a kind of con game, in the film's opening scene, is something Christopher Walken might have really enjoyed playing.

There are many pleasures to behold in this smart, hip and humorous hitman/mobster flick. Josh Hartnett is a star of the future and surrounded by Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley and romantically paired with Lucy Liu, Hartnett's starpower and charisma get the perfect showcase. Director Paul McGuigan, like his star, is also on the rise. With Lucky Number Slevin and Wicker Park as his first two Hollywood pictures he is stoking the fire of hipster imaginations. I for one cannot wait to see what McGuigan, the hipster's director of the moment, will do next.

Movie Review Kill Bill Volume 2

Kill Bill Volume 2 (2004) 

Directed by Quentin Tarentino

Written by Quentin Tarentino 

Starring Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Daryl Hannah, Michael Madsen, Gordon Liu

Release Date April 16th, 2004

Published April 15th, 2004

Much griping ensued when Miramax decided to cut Quentin Tarantino's magnum opus Kill Bill into two pieces. I was amongst those who were dismayed by the choice, but now that both halves of the film have been released it's clear that Miramax did the right thing. As one three-and-a-half-hour film it would have been brilliant, but as two films with a total combined length of more than four hours, we see Tarantino's vision uncompromised. The fact is, Miramax could not release Kill Bill as one four-hour film, and they did us a favor by cutting it. Because of that, we get two brilliant films for the price of one.

When we last saw our vengeance-seeking heroine The Bride (Uma Thurman), she had wiped out her former associate O-Ren Ishii and 88 of her henchman in a bloody brutal martial arts sword fight. Now, she is back on the road and on her way to Bill (David Carradine). But first a revision of history. In voiceover, the Bride explains what really happened in "The Massacre at Two Pines" where she and her wedding party were wiped out by Bill and the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. In one of many scenes of brilliant Tarantino dialogue, we get the backstory of Bill and the Bride.

Back to the future, the Bride is on the trail of Bill's brother and fellow assassin Budd, code name Sidewinder (Michael Madsen). Budd has given up the assassin game and has taken a job as a bouncer at a strip club. Bill has warned him that yhe Bride is coming for him, and regardless of Budd's current state of mind, he's still very dangerous. Budd is more than ready when the Bride arrives which leads to a torture scene that is like a film school class in sound editing and building tension. After knocking the bride unconscious, Budd loads her in a coffin and buries her alive, but not before yet another brilliant but of Tarantino dialogue as Budd offers the bride a flashlight. Claustrophobia has never been so well rendered on screen.

This leads to another flashback, this one taking us back to the Bride's training with the legendary master Pai Mei (Gordon Liu). The master is a brutal taskmaster who, we are told hates Americans, white people, and women. This, of course, makes our hero's training that much more difficult. This series of training scenes have been rendered in any number of classic kung fu movies and Tarantino manages to evoke the look, feel, and sounds of the films he is sampling from.

Needless to say, the Bride escapes from her premature grave and is soon back on her quest for vengeance with Budd and Elle (Daryl Hannah) standing in her way. Budd's end is a little disappointing, but the Bride's fight with Elle is arguably the best of both films. Daryl Hannah gives a comeback performance worthy of Travolta’s in Pulp Fiction. Elle's habit of writing everything in a tiny notebook is the kind of little quirk that most screenwriters neglect; the kind of quirk that makes an average character a memorable character. Hannah has a terrific monologue that she recites directly from her notebook.

Of course, the film’s centerpiece is the confrontation with Bill and to describe any further is to describe too much. Suffice it to say that it lives up to and in fact exceeds expectations with a legendary Tarantino dialogue exchange. The words between Bill and The Bride are better than most fight scenes and the finale is quick but very satisfying.

Where the first film was an exercise in style and direction, with little of Tarantino's trademark dialogue Volume 2 makes up for lost dialogue by providing some of the best screenwriting we have seen since Pulp Fiction revolutionized the art form. Kill Bill is proof that the auteur, the director whose vision is complete from script to screen is where film d'art still lives. Say what you will about great screenwriters, it takes a director to create art and Tarantino is the pre-eminent artist of our time.

Mixing genres from a noirish opening credit and direct-to-camera black and white sequence, to Sergio Leone-style western vistas, to more of the first film’s kung fu grind house vibe, Tarantino is like a club DJ, but instead of mixing Elvis Costello into Public Enemy, he mixes Michael Curtiz into Sergio Leone into Kurosawa. Call it film sampling if you want; the result is a work of art that belongs solely to Tarantino.

Movie Review Kill Bill Volume 1

Kill Bill Volume 1 (2003) 

Directed by Quentin Tarentino 

Written by Quentin Tarentino 

Starring Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu, Daryl Hannah, Vivica A Fox, Michael Madsen

Release Date October 10th, 2003 

Published October 9th, 2003 

It's been six years since Quentin Tarentino last graced the big screen with his considerable directorial presence. In his time away, his existence was pondered in ways only J.D. Salinger could relate too. What was the preeminent auteur of his generation up to all that time? His name was attached to every film that even vaguely resembled his style and, for a time, that seemed his only context. Then finally after a number of delays, Tarentino went into a production that would be the most analyzed, textualized, and criticized film since Kubrick's 2001. How could any film live up to this kind of hype?

Kill Bill stars Uma Thurman as an assassin who survives an attempted assassination by her former friends and employer. The employer is Bill, and her former friends are a group called the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. There is O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu) --codename Cottonmouth--Elle Driver (Daryl Hannah) --codename: California Mountain Snake--Bud (Michael Madsen) --codename: Sidewinder--and Vernita Green (Vivica A. Fox) --codename: Copperhead. Our heroine's own codename had been Black Mamba, but we only know her as the bride.

The reason why the bride was targeted by her friends is unclear; what we do know is that she survived a serious beating and a bullet in the head before awakening from a four-year coma. Once awakened from that coma, she is ready to seek her bloody vengeance on the friends and former employer who not only tried to kill her but also murdered her wedding party and her unborn child.

Kill Bill has been called the most violent film in history. I doubt that such hyperbole is justified but the film is very violent. Beheadings, de-limbings, and buckets of blood drop all over the screen as Tarentino choreographs his violence to match the ultra-violent Hong Kong martial arts pictures that inspired him. This is no mere homage; however, Kill Bill is HK cinema raised to an artistic level that the original HK masters could never achieve on their miniscule budgets.

Often, I criticize films for their lack of plot and characterizations, but in the case of Kill Bill all that is missing is forgiven. Kill Bill is one of those films that is not about character and story but rather an exercise in pure style. Where some films are showcases for actors to show off the craft of acting, Kill Bill is the rare occasion where a director showcases his ability to direct. Kill Bill is Quentin Tarentino's film symphony, with actors as his orchestra acting at the wave of his baton.

With help from Hong Kong martial arts master Yuen Wo Ping, Tarentino coordinates one of the bloodiest and most enthralling fight scenes ever. First, though, The Bride travels to Okinawa where she acquires a sword from a master sword maker Hattori Hanzo played by HK legend Sonny Chiba. The sword says Hanzo could slice God. Then it's onto Tokyo and the films centerpiece battle where The Bride battles O-Ren and her henchmen the Crazy 88. In an expertly choreographed and stylishly over the top sequence, The Bride maims and kills the 88 and then claims their severed limbs as a trophy. Then it's on to her revenge against Ishii, another well-choreographed and especially well acted sequence by Thurman and Lucy Lui.

My sister gave me a CD called The Roots of Hip Hop and on it are some of the most sampled songs in history. As fans of hip hop know, a great piece of sampling can become an artwork all its own and much like great hip hop, Quentin Tarentino turns his sampling from HK martial arts movies, spaghetti westerns and Japanese anime (the film’s best chapter, O-Ren Ishii's bloody back story is told in an exquisite piece of anime) into a work of art that can stand alone as a work of art.

Admittedly I would rather see the film in its full three-hour length instead of its current chopped-in-the-middle-release, but, nevertheless, I was satisfied with seeing half now and half in February. If the second half lives up to the promise of the first half, then even the angriest detractor will be satisfied with the latest Tarentino master work.

Movie Review Charlie's Angels Full Throttle

Charlie's Angels Full Throttle (2003) 

Directed by McG 

Written by John August 

Starring Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Demi Moore, Bill Murray 

Release Date June 27th, 2003 

Published June 26th, 2003 

The first Charlie’s Angels film delighted in the kind of mindless, plotless humor that made the Austin Powers movies so much fun. Or at least the first Austin Powers movie. As the sequels in that series show, it's difficult to maintain that atmosphere. The humor relies so much on the outlandishness of the setup that you’re forced to top yourself from one gag to the next. For the Charlie’s Angels crew, that means skimpier outfits and racier humor that pushes the boundaries of it's mandated PG-13 rating. Thanks to a cast that has earned a great deal of audience goodwill, they manage to succeed this time, but one more will be really pushing it.

We all remember the flashy sex kittens from the original, Alex (Lucy Liu), Natalie (Cameron Diaz) and Dylan (Drew Barrymore). No need for reintroduction, the film jumps right into the action as the girls save a federal marshal from a group of Mongolian terrorists, with the cunning use of special effects and Cameron Diaz's ebullient sexuality.

From there it's back to the states where Charlie (the disembodied voice of John Forsythe) explains what we need to know in order to give the film’s gags a minimal amount of context. Some mess about the federal witness protection program and the list of people in protection. A bad guy has the list and is trying to sell it and it's up the Angels to stop them and retrieve the list.

During the investigation it's revealed that Dylan is on the list for having testified against an Irish mobster named Seamus O'Grady (Justin Theroux), who conveniently enough has just been released from prison. Oh but he's not the big bad guy. As the girls quickly figure out the real bad guy is a former Angel named Madison Lee (Demi Moore). Why she stole the list and blah blah blah is not necessary. How hot she looks in a bikini, now that is what this movie is really about.

Moore's role is actually rather limited in screentime, not much more than a cameo save for the big fight scene at the end. There are numerous cameos throughout the film that at times it's like an episode of the Love Boat. Matt LeBlanc reprises his cameo from the first film, as does Luke Wilson. John Cleese drops in as does Robert Patrick and even Demi's ex husband Bruce Willis. There is also a small role Shia Leboef from Holes, pop singer Pink and even the Olson Twins. Sadly, the film failed to get the cameo that really would have set tongues a wagging, Demi's current boy toy Ashton Kutcher.

Bernie Mac has a slightly bigger than a cameo role as the new Bosley, taking over for Bill Murray. Who cares how or why he has the role, Mac is welcome presence because he's just damn funny in every scene he's in.

Reigning over all this is Director McG, whose skills as a music video director were very much on display in the first film and they are far more pronounced in this sequel. McG is maturing quickly from video director to pop artist. His visuals are pure eye candy and his actors merely props to decorate his painting. McG skillfully maneuvers his actors through a series of eyepopping scenes, both titillating and action packed.

McG is to be commended for his amazing ability to skirt the censors who somehow were convinced to give this film a PG-13 rating. McG walks the line between obvious Russ Meyer style exploitation and acceptable humorous double entendre, like a skilled tightrope walker. The stars of the film and their director seem to say it's okay to exploit their sexuality, such as a scene where the Angels go undercover in a strip club, as long as the girls are in on the joke. What woman could resist having their butt worshipped the way McG seems to worship the butt's of his leads? All shot as lovingly as one might film the Mona Lisa.

Getting away with this type of envelope pushing for another sequel is highly unlikely. Unless the ratings board says PG-13 means the girls can strip naked and kill bad guys at the same time, the filmmakers will have a hard time finding anything more safely titillating than what they concocted in Full Throttle.

Movie Review: Ballistic Ecks vs Sever

Ballistic Ecks vs. Sever 

Directed by Kaos 

Written by Alan B. McElroy 

Starring Antonio Banderas, Lucy Liu, Gregg Henry, Ray Park, Talisa Soto 

Release Date September 20th, 2002 

Published September 19th, 2002 

Well I must admit I was growing complacent. After a series of good movies mixed with some average and below-average movies, I had forgotten about Hollywood’s ability to make truly horrible films. In the past month or so Hollywood had lulled me into a trance of average movies that left no impression, good or bad. The new movie, Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever, woke me from this trance with the loudest, dumbest, most idiotic movie this side of Rollerball. The byzantine plot of Ballistic is too ridiculous to explain. From what I was able to deduce, Lucy Liu played Sever and Antonio Banderas played Ecks. Other than that I am at a loss to explain the stupidity that passes for a plot. 

There is something about a weapon that was stolen from a lab in Germany. The microscopic weapon can cause heart attacks if it gets into the bloodstream, I think. There is something about a little kid that Sever takes as a hostage, something about Ecks' wife who he thought was dead but wasn't and Gregg Henry as the villain named Gant. The amazing thing about Gant is the audience has no clue why he does what he does. The movie teases that he is some public official but for the life of me I can't figure it out. 

We know Gant and his men can manipulate the local law enforcement of Vancouver, British Columbia, though we don't know why. Gant's men interact with the FBI but it's implied that they aren't with the FBI. There is some organization called the DIA. Whatever that is, the move never explains. We do know Gant wants this weapon, the heart attack weapon. The trailer is a better source than the film if you want to make sense of the weapons ability. Apparently you get it inside someone then it lays dormant until you press a button and it kills him or her. How do you get it inside someone? You shoot them. Of course that kind of defeats the purpose of the weapon doesn't it? 

Maybe you can rationalize that somehow, but how do you explain that the weapon is made of metal. So you have given the head of state a heart attack but your weapon is inside the body and easily detected in the autopsy, once again defeating the implied purpose of the weapon, which I believe is supposed to go undetected. It doesn't matter. Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever is a mess, which is appropriate because a guy who was credited as Kaos directed it. The irony is thick. The film is essentially a series of large explosions and that's it. The story is nonexistent, the script is a joke, the actors are completely lost and that is the only thing the audience can really relate too. 

Poor Lucy Liu and poor Antonio Banderas. While they deserve to be criticized for just being involved in this mess, I don't blame them for its failure. Both stars are attractive and charismatic. Unfortunately the director doesn't care. The only thing Kaos is interested in is getting to the next explosion ASAP. 

The director especially abuses Lucy Liu. Liu is an actress, yet in the films entire running length Lucy has 7 lines of dialogue. SEVEN. I counted them. That is less than Arnold Schwarzenegger in Hercules in New York and he could barely speak English then. Why hire an actress like Liu for a role that could have easily been filled by a stuntwomen? 

Stuntman Ray Park is also singled out for abuse, he has more dialogue than Lucy Liu and his character only exists for the purpose of being killed by Liu in a karate fight. Then there is Gregg Henry as the villainous Gant. Henry does his job in workmanlike fashion, oozing slime and dripping with evil. Gant actually gives us insight into which star got top billing. You see, whichever star kills Gant is the one with top billing. I will leave the mystery.

The most amazing thing about Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever is the director’s ability to combine an incomprehensible plot with plot devices more predictable than a calendar. That is a true accomplishment. Is Ecks Vs Sever the worst film of 2002? I'm not sure. Rollerball, Fear Dot Com and Tart have strong arguments for that title. Ecks Vs Sever will be near the top of the list that is for sure.