Movie Review: Epic Movie

Epic Movie (2007) 

Directed by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer 

Written by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer 

Starring Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Jennifer Coolidge, Jayma Mayes, Crispin Glover 

Release Date January 26th, 2007

Published January 27th, 2007

One movie parody after the next gets worse and worse. Further and further the movies spawned by the success of Scary Movie go from humorous parody to a patchwork of drunken movie karaoke where actors stumble about plots from some of our favorite movies of the decade; missing the beats and never finding the rhythm.

Date Movie was thought to be the nadir of this genre. Sadly, two of the producers of Scary Movie managed to lower the depths and make a movie parody even worse. Epic Movie is an example of how you can dig to the bottom of the barrel and still go lower, if you just lift up the barrel and keep digging, straight to the sewer.

Epic Movie charts an unusual course. Four characters are each initially trapped in their own parody. Edward (Kal Penn) is trapped in a dull facsimile of the orphanage from Nacho Libre, a good movie that really stretches the definition of an 'epic movie'. Peter (Adam Campbell) is locked in the school for mutants from the X-Men movies. Lucy (Jayma Mayes) is escaping a knockoff of The Da Vinci Code and Susan (Faune A. Chambers) is stuck with a parody of Snakes On A Plane.

I say parody only because there is nothing else to call these scenes. Parody, unfortunately, implies that these scenes have a humorous sense about them. They do not. The "parody" of Epic Movie simply calls for the re-enactment of scenes from popular films augmented by bathroom humor, crotch kicking and dull slapstick.

Eventually, these four characters find each other in a Willy Wonka knock-off that leads to a Chronicles of Narnia knock-off and bad copies of Pirates of the Carribean, Borat and the MTV shows Punk'd and Cribs which were timely in, say; 2005. That is one of a myriad of problems with movies like Epic Movie. Our culture moves so quickly that often by the time they are able to finish these cheap reprises, the culture has already moved on to other things. The cribs satire is especially forgetting and tortured.

The comedy of Epic Movie is non-existent, unless you take pleasure in watching likable actors pissing their careers away. Kal Penn, so likable in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, is Epic Movie's biggest victim. With his role on TV's 24 and what I'm sure he hopes is his breakthrough as a dramatic actor in Mira Nair's upcoming The Namesake coming later this year, Penn looked set for stardom. However, after watching him piss down his leg in Epic Movie, how can I possibly take him seriously.

Fred Willard, Jennifer Coolidge and David Carradine all get caught up in the slime of picking up a paycheck for this awful mess of a movie. These terrific actors don't embarrass themselves to degrees that will matter but they should not highlight this one on their resume. Crispin Glover and Darrell Hammond are lucky that they are buried under pounds of makeup for their roles, leaving them almost unrecognizable. For their sake I will leave their parody identities out of this review.

It's difficult to describe just how bad Epic Movie is. I could easily claim that the film is an early candidate for worst movie of the year but, god help me, I hope I don't remember this movie that long. What is worse is that I know the film will do well enough at the box office that yet another should follow this time next year like some kind of annual curse.

At least by then maybe the stench of Epic Movie will have waned.

Movie Review: Vampire's Suck

Vampire's Suck (2010) 

Directed by Jason Friedberg, Eric Seltzer

Written by Jason Friedberg, Eric Seltzer 

Starring Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Ken Jeong 

Release Date August 18th, 2010

Published August 20th, 2010

There is a style of comedy that has failed to develop over the past decade and yet it is still widely practiced. Call it the comedy of association. By mentioning something or mimicking something you are automatically doing something funny. That's the theory. In practice, this style has lead to a series of abysmal movies from “Epic Movie” to “Date Movie” to everything except the first “Scary Movie.”

The makers of these movies are convinced that if they make mention of something, or mimic it well, then the act of doing so is automatically funny. In the new comedy Vampire's Suck this style means mentions of Tiger Woods and Lady Gaga but nothing particularly funny about either of them.

The premise is a humorous take down of the “Twilight” series. Becca (Jenn Proske), get Becca-Bella, anyway, is the new girl in Sporks Washington, again Sporks-forks, anyway. Becca is a sad, lonely outcast as demonstrated by the music on her IPod titled Sad, Lonely, Outcast music.

At school Becca meets Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), get it Sull... oh nevermind. Edward is a Vampire and he and Becca are destined to fall in love. Also falling for Becca is Jacob (Chris Riggi) who happens to be turning slowly into a dog, I won't give away the big brilliant reveal of what kind of dog but I'm sure things like Edward Sullen give you a strong impression of the kind of humor we're dealing with here.

There really is nothing terrible about “Vampire's Suck.” The cast is game and seems up for any kind of humiliation. Actress Jenn Proske does an exceptional imitation of Kristen Stewart nailing the tics and vocal manners that so many have noted in Stewart's performance as Bella. Sadly, the imitation is better suited for a dinner party bit than for a feature film.

Once the premise is established, in the first 2 minutes of the film, the makers of “Vampire's Suck” tick through references to the first two “Twilight” movies from Edward's introduction to Becca; he wears a hazmat suit because of her scent, to Edward's first visit to Becca's bedroom which ends with an epic blast of gas, as seen in the film's trailer.

One cannot complain when an intentionally dumb movie turns out dumb. What can be complained about is that the film is dumb without wit or purpose. Writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer demonstrate a comic theory that states if something is funny then just mentioning it is automatically funny. Mention Tiger Woods scandal, automatically funny. Mention Lady Gaga, automatically funny.

The theory does not require some witty reference to Woods' troubles or for the film's Lady Gaga surrogate to do anything funny, just featuring them is funny enough. The film fails to offer funny exaggerations of these pop culture memes, the only aim seems to glom on to the existing cultural cache, the seeming agreement among us all that these people are funny to talk about. This theory is a massive failure.

The same theory applies to the film's central fodder, the “Twilight movies.” Friedberg and Seltzer assume that just dressing their characters like those in Twilight and giving them variations on the “Twilight” character names, then automatically these characters are funny.

The “Twilight” movies with their overwrought angst, new style vampires and pretentious Puritanism are ripe for a good send up. It's a big wide target that “Vampire's Suck” somehow misses by a mile. There is no insight, no attempt to understand and expose the flaws of the series. There is merely pale imitation and dull reference.

I laughed once during “Vampire's Suck.” The scene involved the Becca character posting something on Stephanie Meyer's Twitter feed. Sadly, one good joke is not nearly enough to recommend Vampire's Suck. There are still opportunities in this genre. “Airplane” and “The Naked Gun” movies remain cultural touchstones because this type of send up movie has so much potential. That potential is unrealized in “Vampire's Suck.”

Movie Review Meet the Spartans

Meet the Spartans (2008) 

Directed by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

Written by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

Starring Sean Maguire, Carmen Electra, Ken Davitan, Kevin Sorbo

Release Date January 25th, 2008

Published January 25th, 2008

Say, did you hear the joke about the movie 300? ? ? That's the joke. I mentioned the movie 300. Why aren't you laughing? I said the name of a movie that you likely saw in the past 2 years. According to the creators of movies like Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet The Spartans and the upcoming Disaster Movie, merely saying the name of a popular movie and dressing characters to look like people from those movies is the height of satire.

Let's try it again: Stomp The Yard? Are you laughing yet?

Is Meet The Spartans a movie or just a really bad costume party? I guess since they filmed it and edited it, they can call Meet The Spartans a movie but when they call it a comedy, that is where I draw the line. No. To call your movie a comedy, it must elicit laughter and not one singular moment of this alleged spoof elicits even a chuckle. Not a titter or even a modest half smirk. This witless movie karaoke comes from creators who must feel that just mentioning a movie made in the past 2 years is funny. I have an idea, let's try this... Spiderman 3.

Anyone laughing? I said Spiderman 3? Nothing? Not funny? If you don't laugh at my writing the words Spiderman 3 I doubt you will laugh during Meet The Spartans which dresses up like the characters from 300 and then names off a number of other movies expecting us to laugh, I guess, because they mentioned these other movies and maybe offered a minor exaggeration of a scene from that movie. They don't always offer the exaggeration.

Oh, it's not just the witless mentions of other movies that supplies the supposed humor of Meet The Spartans, also add a copious amount of gay jokes, vomit jokes and fart jokes, all just under the wire of the PG 13 rating. Meet The Spartans is the ultimate in teen focus group marketing "Say you know what kids like, let's put all of the movies they saw in the last year in the same movie and then add gay jokes. Brilliant!".

No, not brilliant. Not even remotely clever. Brutal comes to mind. Offensive? Definitely. But not brilliant. Not by a longshot. If last year's Date Movie and Epic Movie were the bottom of the barrel in terms of spoof movies, Meet The Spartans is an example of what happens when someone lifts up the barrel and scrapes out what is underneath into a film can.