Movie Review: You People

You People (2023) 

Directed by Kenya Barris 

Written by Jonah Hill, Kenya Barris

Starring Jonah Hill, Eddie Murphy, Julia Louis Dreyfuss, Lauren London, Nia Long, David Duchovny 

Release Date January 27th, 2023 

Published January 28th, 2023 

You People is an insufferable bore featuring caricatures of white and black people who talk as if they were programmed by Boomer Facebook memes. Kenya Barris and Jonah Hill are supposed to be better than that but by the evidence of You People, they've taken the lowest hanging fruit of awkward racial humor and blended it all together and reheated it over and over and over again and then called it a movie. The characters may have a point to make about the ways white and black people fail to communicate effectively with each other but it's hard to find that point in the midst of noisy, insufferable characters intended only to inflict themselves on each other rather than talk like human beings.  

You People stars Jonah Hill as Ezra Cohen and Lauren London as Amira Mohammad. These two 30-something kids meet-cute when Ezra mistakes Amira for his Uber Driver. She happens to be lost on her way to a new job and he's able to navigate her there. Along the way, he gets her phone number and the two start a sweet romance. He works in finance but dreams of being a podcaster and she's costume designer working on various different movie and television projects. They have terrific chemistry. Only one thing stands in there way, a terrible script, no wait, I mean their parents. 

Julia Louis Dreyfuss and David Duchovny are Shelly and Arnold Cohen and Eddie Murphy and Nia Long are Akbar and Fatima Mohammad. If you haven't guessed, the Cohen's are Jewish and the Mohammad's are Muslim, how will they ever get along? Sarcasm. Sarcasm. Sarcasm. Surprise, they don't get along and when Ezra decides to ask Amira to marry him things only get worse as Shelly stumbles into ruining their relationship over her woke enthusiasm, and Akbar actively works to undermine the relationship by catching Ezra doing something wrong, whatever that might be. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media linked here 

Movie Review: Missing

Missing (2023) 

Directed by Nick Johnson, Will Merrick 

Written by Sev Ohanian, Aneesh Chaganty 

Starring Storm Reid, Nia Long, Ken Leung 

Release Date January 20th, 2023 

Published January 23rd, 2023 

Missing captures our modern true crime obsession in a way that few films ever had. Every true crime fan dreams of doing what the main character of Missing does, diving down a rabbit hole of information on your way to solving a mystery. Of course, the main character of Missing has more motivation than your average true crime fan, but that doesn't change the nature of our excitement, all true crime fans want to investigate leads and follow threads to answers in the way that June (Storm Reid) does in missing, whether it's our family member that is missing or some stranger. 

In Missing, June is a typically self-involved teenager who is constantly mortified by how uncool her mother, Grace (Nia Long), is. Mom is always asking her Siri to make calls for her, even while she's already on a call. Mom and June's relationship is strained as Grace is a working single mom juggling her daughter, work, and a new boyfriend, Kevin (Ken Leung), while planning a vacation to Columbia. June is of little help, she's only thinking of the partying she's going to do while Mom and Kevin are out of town. 

Over the course of five days, Mom checks in rarely, which is unusual, while June parties. Then, when it's time for June to meet Mom and Kevin at the airport, she's left standing there for hours. Mom doesn't come home. Returning to her house, June calls the authorities and falls down a rabbit hole while investigating her mother's whereabouts. In the course of investigating her mother's disappearance from afar, she connects with a man named Javi (Joachim De Almeida), who lives in Columbia and who agrees to investigate on her behalf for a mere $8.00 per request. 

Meanwhile, at home, Grace breaks into Kevin's email and begins to discover things about his past, his criminal record, and the many, many, women in Kevin's past who claim that he's stolen money from them. There's also a woman, referred to only as 'babycakes,' who has recently gone missing after trading messages with Kevin. This can't be a coincidence but the movie has a few more twists and turns in play when it comes to Kevin, some you won't be able to predict so easily. 

Missing doesn't quite have the skillful presentation of its predecessor, Searching. That film used the medium of internet based sleuthing in service of a much better story. The story of Missing isn't bad but it's far more deeply convoluted than that of Searching. Where that movie had a relative clarity to its logical storytelling, Missing falls short. If you start pulling threads on Missing the story frays with far too much ease. The main plot is rather silly with characters making choices that don't make a lot of sense. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media. 

Movie Review Premonition

Premonition (2007) 

Directed by Mennon Yapo 

Written by Bill Kelly 

Starring Sandra Bullock, Julian McMahon, Nia Long, Kate Nelligan, Amber Valletta, Peter Stormare

Release Date March 16th, 2007

Published March 16th, 2007

Sandra Bullock's star has dimmed a great deal since the days when she was touted as replacing Julia Roberts as the queen of romantic comedy 12 years ago thanks to 1995's While You Were Sleeping. In this decade she has had only one legitimate hit movie, Miss Congeniality, that was sold on her star power. On the surface that would seem to reflect badly on Ms. Bullock.

In fact, however, there is a more complicated and interesting reason for her seeming decline. Sandra Bullock made the conscious choice not to be pigeonholed by her rom-com persona. Thus why she has made such eclectic and low key choices as  28 Days, Murder By Numbers and her small ensemble turn in the Oscar winner Crash. None of these movies has done anything for her box office reputation but they are, at the very least, risky and interesting choices.

For her latest film, the thriller Premonition, Bullock returns to big budget, mainstream, starring roles and chooses a most unlikely and uneven film choice. Premonition is a shallow, time shifting weepy about a woman who loses her husband over and over again until we in the audience aren't sure if we are cheering for Bullock to save her man or for the husband to finally disappear for good.

In Premonition, Sandra Bullock stars as Linda Hanson, a suburban mom of two lovely pre-teen girls (Shyann McLure and Courtney Taylor Burress). Her home is well tended, she runs everyday and keeps in great shape and yet there is something tearing at the fabric of her perfect suburban sprawl. Linda's husband Jim (Julian McMahon) has grown distant since the birth of their daughters and Linda doesn't know what to do about it.

All of that however, goes out the window when Jim is killed in a car accident. On his way to what he said was a job interview, though there is fair suspicion that Jim was meeting with another woman. Linda and her family are devastated, that is, till the next morning when Linda wakes up to find Jim in the kitchen making breakfast for his daughters.

Was it just a nightmare or a premonition? That becomes the point of the film as day after day Linda awakens to different days of the week and different realities before and after Jim's death.

Directed by German auteur Mennan Yapo, in his American debut, Premonition rolls out a time space continuum crossed with Groundhog Day plot and proceeds to beat it into the ground with repeated ridiculousness, lost and found plot lines and inconsistencies you could drive a semi truck through, oh sorry Jim.

The script by Bill Kelly, who has written nothing since the 1999 comedy Blast From the Past, is a mess of unfinished ideas and pointless existentialism. This is a film that is desperate to be deep but is far too lazy to figure out just what is deep or compelling about this plot. The story cannot even adhere to its own basic logic by connecting the various plot strands that either hang unfinished or simply peter out due to lack of interest.

Sandra Bullock has always had the ability to earn and keep an audience's sympathy and that is still the case; even in trash like Premonition. Even playing this ditzy, overwhelmed character who is blessed with all of the same knowledge that we in the audience are but refuses to make much use of it in her ever increasingly dire situation, Bullock somehow retains our sympathy.

The problem isn't Sandra Bullock, it's a bad script and a director more interested in camera histrionics and moody, gray skied atmosphere than in telling a smart compelling story. I must admit, director Mennan Yapo is a talented scenarist. With his best friend and cinematographer Torsten Lippstock, Yapo delivers some very interesting and unique visuals. His liberal use of handheld cameras gives the story a chaotic urgency that would have served well in a more coherent story. Unfortunately coherence is the last word I would use to describe the abysmal mess that is Premonition.

Sandra Bullock's best days at the box office are behind her but at least she still makes interesting and risky choices. Unfortunately, starring in Premonition isn't a choice that pays off well. Incoherent, ludicrous and outright irritating, this time twisting flick lacks the chills, thrills or even the modest entertainment value necessary for a successful film.

Sandra Bullock will walk away from Premonition still a sweetheart, still a presence who can win and hold your sympathy. It's the movie around her that suffers from its many plot holes and structural flaws.

Movie Review: Big Momma's House 2

Big Momma's House 2 (2006) 

Directed by John Whitesell

Written by Don Rhymer 

Starring Martin Lawrence, Nia Long, Dan Lauria, Kat Dennings, Chloe Grace Moretz, Zachary Levi 

Release Date January 27th, 2006 

Published January 26th, 2006 

2000's Big Momma's House helped to establish Martin Lawrence's star credentials. Unfortunately for Martin it was his last hit as a solo act. Bad Boys 2 owes far more to audience love for Will Smith than for anything Lawrence brought to the table. So, given a string of massive bombs on his resume, it comes as no surprise that Lawrence would make a return to trip to Big Momma's House.

What is surprising, however, is how pleasant--even occasionally funny--that return is. Don't get me wrong, Big Momma's House 2 is not a very good movie, but it is a passable bit of entertainment for very forgiving audiences.

Since we last saw FBI agent Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence), he has married Sherrie (Nia Long), the woman whose life he saved by posing as her Big Momma six years ago, and settled into a comfortable desk job. His new duties are far less dangerous than undercover work and include dressing up as an eagle to teach safety classes to school children, as we see in a cute opening sequence that has Malcolm lighting himself on fire while teaching kids fire safety.

Soon however, Malcolm is desperate to get back in the field. His former partner, no longer played by Paul Giamatti, has been killed in the line of duty and Malcolm wants the case. His boss (Dan Lauria) refuses to let him in but of course, as the plot insists, Malcolm will not be denied.

The investigation requires sending an undercover agent into the home of a computer software designer and his family as a nanny. Lucky for Malcolm, he has just the nanny to fit the job. Pulling his Big Momma mask and fat suit out of storage, Malcolm embeds himself; deep cover into a case involving corrupt software designers and a virus that could endanger national security.

Do not trouble yourself with the plot of Big Momma's House 2 because the film never troubles itself with the plot. The whole software/computer virus is merely the mcguffin. It's a reason to get Martin Lawrence back in his Big Momma disguise, dispensing off-color wisdom and, in this cleaned up family sequel, helping the children of this very uptight famly to loosen up and have more fun.

There is nothing original in the film's life lessons and family values storyline so you're left to watch Lawrence, who mugs with fury and somehow manages to find a big laugh here and there. Forget about the ridiculous suit. There is no way anyone bought it the first time around, and as Big Momma parades about in swimwear and cheerleader outfits, they certainly won't buy it this time. What you can buy into, however, is Lawrence's comic talent which, even in his worst films has shown through occasionally, and is in full view here.

I wouldn't call anything in Big Momma's House 2 clever, but some of it is pretty funny and that falls entirely to Martin Lawrence. Returning to the kind of broad comic performance that made him a star, Lawrence has his confidence and charm back. Since all of the laughs in Big Momma's House 2 rely on Lawrence's hard work and comic talent, having him at his cocky confident best is essential and the film works, in it's way, because of that.

There is nothing special about Big Momma's House 2, but get Martin Lawrence in that fat suit, maybe slip a swim suit over the top of it, throw in some fat jokes and some southern fried common sense and you get Big Momma.  It's a character that establishes its own level of reality--if you are willing to take on the herculean task of suspending disbelief.

For family audiences, Big Momma's House 2 is the kind of movie that kids will enjoy and mom and dad won't be bored by. Go in with low expectations and you may find yourself reasonably well entertained. Though the film is PG-13 for some occasionally raunchy humor, it's rare and nothing terribly offensive. Mom and dad can take the kids to see it without fear.

It's not for everybody, but fans of Martin Lawrence and the very forgiving amongst us will find more than a few big laughs in Big Momma's House 2.

Movie Review: Are We Done Yet?

Are We Done Yet? (2007) 

Directed by Steve Carr

Written by Hank Nelken 

Starring Ice Cube, Nia Long, Phillip Bolden, Aleisha Allen, John C. McGinley 

Release Date April 4th, 2007

Published April 3rd, 2007 

2005's Are We There Yet(?) was a meanspirited, ugly attempt at 'family comedy'. Featuring crotch shots aplenty, nasty physical humor and ugly characters, Are We There Yet(?) set new lows for an already shallow genre. Yet, despite the films massive and obvious flaws there is now a sequel and since it would nearly impossible for this film to be worse than the original, Are We Done Yet? is better than its predecessor.

Oh, don't get me wrong, Are We Done Yet(?) is not a good movie, even by comparison, it's merely an improvement. If you consider compost an improvement over yard waste.

In Are We There Yet? Nick Person (Ice Cube) wanted to do a favor for a beautiful woman, Suzanne (Nia Long). Offering to drive her two demon children, Lindsey (Aleisha Allen) and Kevin (Phillip Bolden), to there fathers for the weekend, Nick endures unending abuse and bad behavior. Then again, he was only offering to help so he could get with the hot girl so; his motives weren't just about being a good Samaritan.

Cut to two years later and apparently Nick's gesture was a winner because he and Suzanne are married and the demon children are now his loving step kids. Having given up his sports collectibles shop, Nick has gone into the publishing biz, starting his own sports magazine where he hopes an interview with Magic Johnson can get his magazine off to a splashy start. (No points for guessing Magic will figure in to the wackiness of the films ending.)

Living in Nick's cramped bachelor pad is clearly not working, no explanation is given about why they just didn't move into the beautiful home Suzanne owned in the previous film. Needing a new home, the family heads for the country where a gorgeous old fixer upper, 3 bedroom, 2 bath, home awaits. When I say fixer upper, I am understating quite a bit. Though the real estate agent, Chuck (John C. McGinley) calls it homey and rustic, the place is clearly a dump from moment one.

Nevertheless Nick and the family move and naturally, the house begins to fall apart around them. Luckily, the crook who sold them the house is also the only licensed contractor, electrician and housing inspector in the area. Soon Chuck is living with the family and sitcomic wackiness has ensued. I'll say this for Are We Done Yet(?), at least, it is far less mean spirited than its progenitor Are We There Yet(?). That film combined an awful plot with these awful characters to create an awful moviegoing experience. The children were reprehensible, even by the standards of behavior set for movie children, coming up just short of being horror film villains in this alleged family movie.  

Are We Done Yet(?) softens the child characters from potential murderers to irritating clichés. They remain only plot devices for tweaking the always on edge Nick character but; at the very least, I don't hate them as much. Yes, I said I hated them. I realize, that to hate children is pretty extreme but if you were forced to sit through Are We There Yet? as I was, you would have hated them to. Them, their parents, their parents parents and many others.

It would have been impossible for Are We Done Yet(?) not to improve upon Are We There Yet(?) but improvement is a relative term. If getting hit by a car is an improvement over getting hit by a Mack truck. Or if getting stabbed is an improvement on being shot, then yes, improvement is the right word here. Are We Done Yet? is still an exceedingly bad movie with a rote plot and mindless characters but I will take it over the toxic poison of the previous film.

Movie Review: Are We There Yet?

Are We There Yet? (2005) 

Directed by Brian Levant

Written by David N. Weiss

Starring Ice Cube, Nia Long, Jay Mohr, Tracy Morgan

Release Date January 21st, 2005 

Published January 20th, 2005

Is Ice Cube attempting to shed his gangsta image in favor of being Martin Lawrence's understudy? It's a fair question when you see him choosing scripts like the one for Are We There Yet, clearly a role that  Martin Lawrence or even Cedric The Entertainer managed to turn down. Are We There Yet is brutally awful. An absolute utter mess of mean spirited physical humor and demonic child characters with a tacked on sappy and sentimental ending.

Honestly, this movie couldn't be worse if it had been inspired by a video game and directed by Uwe Boll.

Nick (Ice Cube) hates children. So bad luck for him when he falls in love at first sight with Suzanne (Nia Long), the mother of two small children. Nick's luck is worse than he knows because even before meeting him the two kids, Lindsey (Aleisha Allen) and Kevin (Philip Bolden), have it in for him. For Lindsey and Kevin no man is good enough for their mom, except their dad who has left the family.

Despite his hatred of children Nick really wants to get some, so of course when Suzanne needs someone to ferry her kids from her home in Oregon to Vancouver, Canada where she has to work on New Years Eve, Nick is the first to volunteer. At first they were supposed to fly in, but the kids set him up for Homeland security, putting the kibosh on the plane flight.

They try a train but once again the kids have it in for him. So they are left to drive in Nick's brand new Lincoln Navigator. No points for guessing what happens to this gorgeous vehicle thanks to these two evil children. Poor Nick is then subjected to every form of hack screen writer kind of human torture, from the classic kick in the groin to every form of gross-out humor imaginable.

The film attempts to establish a broad comic tone that might justify it's flights of gross-out humor and over the top elements like Nick's talking bobble head. However the film loses that attempt by tacking on scenes of import such as when the kids are forced to confront their no good father and find out he's never coming back. Such a weighty subject has no place in a film in which a child peeing on an innocent woman is a big comic moment.

And the film manages to get worse. For some reason beyond the comprehension of any right thinking movie watcher, Nick has a Satchell Page bobble head doll. If that is not indignity enough for the legendary Mr. Page, the doll talks to Nick in the voice of former SNL star Tracy Morgan. Why the four screen writers , who shall remain nameless, and hack Director Brian Levant, the auteur behind classics like Jingle All The Way and Snow Dogs, chose to denigrate Mr. Page in this way is anyone's guess. But why does Nick talk to the bobble head and it talk back, is the character supposed to be insane?

How does Director Brian Levant keep getting work? His films have managed to get worse every time he makes one. Jingle All The Way, Snow Dogs and now Are We There Yet are a triumvirate of films that on one resume should mean automatic dismissal. Instead he's already at work on another project. God help us if there is another bobble head or child in the vicinity.