Directed by Martin Brest
Written by Martin Brest
Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bartha
Release Date August 1st, 2003
Published August 1st, 2003
In Hollywood history, there have been some monumental disasters. MGM's failure to recognize that the musical had run it's course led to the massive bombs Kiss Me Kate and Paint Your Wagon. The vanity of stars Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman lead to the disastrous release of Ishtar Ishtar. And, of course, the greatest disaster of all time the, the costliest bomb in Hollywood history is 1963's Cleopatra.
With history in mind, where does the Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez disaster Gigli rank in this pantheon? Though it wasn't as costly as Cleopatra or as awful as Ishtar, Gigli is remarkable for taking two very appealing actors and turning them into two of the worst, most annoying characters ever put to film. Gigli somehow cost more than 75 million dollars to make and you can't see any of that money on the screen. If you told me that there was evidence that Gigli was the result of a The Producers style scam betting on its failure, I would believe you.
The film's title, Gigli, is pronounced Gee-ly, or as Ben Affleck explains in an embarrassing voiceover, his character’s name rhymes with Really, as in really, really dull. Affleck is Larry Gigli, a low level mob enforcer who, when we first meet him, is explaining to a potential victim what might happen if you put a human being in an industrial size clothes dryer and put it on permanent press. Whether this monologue is supposed to be humorous or menacing is a perfect example of the numerous problems with the film, which can't decide on a tone or genre. The monologue lands in a place where it isn't funny or menacing.
From there, we move into the film’s plot. The story of Gigli centers on Larry kidnapping the mentally challenged brother of a federal prosecutor. As played by Justin Bartha, the character of Brian is yet another of those idealized Hollywood versions of the mentally handicapped, who exhibits his mentally challenged qualities with tics and through an obsession with the TV show Baywatch, which he calls 'The Baywatch.'
The kidnapping goes quite smoothly but Larry's mob bosses don't think he can handle the job. Enter an independent mob contractor named Ricki (Lopez). Ricki's job is to keep an eye on Larry and the kid and be Larry's love interest. Of course, that is complicated by the fact that Ricki is a lesbian. Nevertheless, the film grinds forward on the premise that Larry is so charming that even a lesbian might be intrigued enough to give him a try. UGH!
Once Ricki is introduced, we are treated to a series of exasperating and incomprehensible scenes featuring some of the worst dialogue in film history. The lines that have gotten most of the attention are the lead up to the big sex scene. For some reason when Ricki decides, at least temporarily, to switch teams, she says to Larry, quote "It's Turkey time, gobble gobble". What in God's name does that mean? Is it a reference to oral sex? Turkey's don't gobble, that's just our closest approximation to what we think Turkey's sound like. I'm over-thinking this, but still. What? Now, in fairness, there does appear to be a scene missing that might have given context to that dialogue but even so I can't imagine any scene that would make that dialogue sexy.
Another dialogue piece that has received notice is a pair of monologues celebrating the male and female genitalia. The monologues are well thought out and if delivered correctly could have been witty, insightful, even sexy. However, as delivered by Affleck and Lopez and contextualized by director Martin Brest, they are flat, ineffectual filler. Affleck delivers his monologue through the single worst accent in film history and Lopez delivers hers with an air of disaffection that connotes boredom when it's supposed to evoke, at the least, lust. It doesn't help that Brest lights the scene as if it was a rehearsal setup and employs a score that tries desperately to manipulate the audience into giving a damn.
Speaking of the score, it's one of the classic signs of a bad movie when you begin to make not of the film score. As employed by director Martin Brest, the score of Gigli helps to muddle the film’s tone and confuse its genre classification. Is this supposed to be a comedy, a romantic comedy, a drama? Determining a film’s genre has never been important to me. I believe a good film transcends any classification. However, when a film is so confused with its intentions it helps to be able to fall back on its own classification as a way of determining the director's intent. With Gigli, it's completely unclear what anyone intended this movie to be.
I didn't want to believe that Ben Affleck could make a film as bad as everyone said this was. Affleck has been a favorite of mine for a while thanks to his stellar work with Kevin Smith and especially his self-effacing humor on the commentary tracks of the Smith film DVDs. Those commentary tracks are as funny as the movies they are about and Affleck is especially funny. So watching Gigli is that much more disheartening. Say what you will about Daredevil or Bounce, I liked both of those films, and Phantoms is at least good for a cheap laugh. Gigli has no redeeming values at all, it's simply horrendous and so is Ben's performance in it.
Sadly, a terrible performance is nothing new for Jennifer Lopez who seems to be settling into mediocrity like a comfortable sweater. Her ineffectual pop tunes and droning romantic comedies like Maid In Manhattan are the perfect primer for Gigli. I cannot be surprised to find her picking up another paycheck as she ineffectually contorts to whatever is written on the scripted page, no matter how insane the script may be. After her work in Out Of Sight and The Cell, I thought maybe she had something but since becoming a superstar J-Lo has decided to coast on her looks and image and simply pick up a paycheck.
As for Director Martin Brest, well God only knows what he was thinking as he put this mess down on paper and then on the screen. Brest hasn't made a good film since, well has he actually made a good film? Beverly Hills Cop was good but likely would not have been without the whirling dervish performance by Eddie Murphy. Then there is Scent Of A Woman, the highly overrated film that won Al Pacino an Oscar for best actor. Coming as it did at a time when sympathy for Pacino was running quite high, people unwilling to question Pacino allowed that film to skate on Pacino's reputation and forgave its many flaws. And how can anyone forget Brest's most recent travesty, Meet Joe Black, in which Brest took the very charismatic Brad Pitt and managed to suck out every last bit of charisma in him.
So maybe the pre-release buzz that focused on Affleck and Lopez's offscreen romance should have paid more attention to the director who may skate again thanks to his being overlooked in favor of his stars. It is Martin Brest who put this mess together and directed these completely misguided performances. And yet, it doesn't appear that Brest will take the brunt of the blame for it. Which he should, this thing is his fault. Forget about Ben and Jen and the tabloid nonsense for a moment and turn your scorn toward the director of this mess. Ben and Jen aren't blameless but Martin Brest is responsible for their humiliation.
