Movie Review Padre Pio

Padre Pio (2023) 

Directed by Abel Ferrara 

Written by Abel Ferrara 

Starring Shia LeBeouf 

Release Date June 2nd 

Published May 27th, 2023 

Padre Pio is a strange movie. Ostensibly, the film stars Shia LeBeouf as a troubled Priest who many claim as a Saint who suffered the stigmata, the wounds of Christ appearing on the hands and feet. He was claimed as a Prophet by some and a madman by others. Mostly, the man who came to be known as Padre Pio is known for becoming the biggest champion of confession. He had many passionate tenets to his preaching but Pio was quite adamant about the importance of confession and that appears to be the legacy that the Catholic Church celebrates, far more than his stigmata claim. 

So, why is a movie about this man so strange? Well, it's directed by Abel Ferrara for one. The odd and controversial director has taken his legacy in an odd direction late in his career. Having always leaned heavily into Catholic imagery and themes, he's been working in Italy the last few years and on incredibly low budgets. Budgets so low that his last film, Zeroes and Ones, starring Ethan Hawke, is nearly unwatchable. That film looks as if it had been filmed through a green plastic bag. 

Padre Pio is slightly better looking than Zeroes and Ones but the low budget is still very much Omni-present. The opening scene has an almost embarrassing level of amateur cinematography as Shia LeBeouf's Padre Pio arrives at an Italian Abbey riding a donkey. You can sense right away that this will be one of those performances by LeBeouf, intense to the point of parody. The passion that LeBeouf brings to his craft is admirable but, in the wrong movie, it can be embarrassingly, uncomfortably and unnecessarily intense. 

And then LeBeouf just sort of fades into the background for a while. The film is set in the immediate aftermath of World War 1. Italians are returning home and are aching for change to a society where the rich dominate and the poor are impoverished to a ludicrous degree. It's a moment ripe for a socialist revolution and that's what begins to happen in this small town. Agitators begin holding public meetings calling for improved working conditions and the rich employ thugs to hold on to their tenuous political power. 

Helping the elite of the city is the church. We see Priests praying over the weapons of the thuggish authorities of the town and holding hushed meetings with the rich elites. This would appear to place someone like Padre Pio in opposition to his own church, a genuine conflict. But no, this never comes into play with Padre Pio's storyline in any way. This is the set up for a scene in which a group of socialists are gunned down while attempting to vote in their local election. This plot never intersects with Padre Pio. 

My full length review is at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Transformers Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen (2009) 

Directed by Michael Bay 

Written by Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman

Starring Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro

Release Date June 24th, 2009

Published June 23rd, 2009

As a kid I was a big fan of Transformers. Looking back now as an adult I marvel at the idea: Wow, I was one weird kid. Transformers is one goofball concept. Talking, alien robots come to earth in search of ancient energy and disguise themselves as everyday cars, trucks and electronics.

This concept raises numerous logical questions, not the least of which is: Why would giant alien robots need to pretend to be everyday objects? You're a giant alien robot, why are you disguised as an Ice Cream Truck or a tape player? Identities taken on by a pair of alien robots.

The goofball premise becomes even goofier in the live action movie and sequel Transformers and Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. Adding Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox and a couple of wacky parental figures for comic relief, director Michael Bay takes a bizarre concept and makes it even more bizarre.

When we last saw the Autobots, good guy alien robots lead by Optimus Prime, they had stopped the evil Decepticons, lead by the evilest of evil alien robots Megatron, from obtaining something called the All Spark. Now, the Autobots and their human friends are prepping for war with the Decepticons once again, this time over something called Energon. Riveted yet?

The key to finding or rather creating energon, maybe, I'm not sure, is inside the mind of college bound Sam Witwicky (shia LeBeouf). It was Sam's seemingly random purchase of a rundown yellow camaro that lead to mass warfare when it was revealed that his car was really the alien robot protector bot Bumblebee. Sam making this discovery automatically drafted him and the girl of his dreams Mikaela (Megan Fox) into the war between Alien robot races.

Now, Sam has a map imprinted in his brain that will lead to the discovery of energon, or something. The Decepticons want to open up Sam's brain and remove the information while Sam needs to lead the Autobots to the energon to stop them.

If that plot doesn't grab you then you should probably skip Transformers Revenge of the Fallen because at 2 hours and 45 minutes you will have to want to be invested in this plot. You will have to work very hard not to be bored or put off by this exceptionally over-complicated and lame plot.

Worse yet are the juvenile, amateur hour attempts at humor. Sam's parents played by Kevin Dunn and Judy White are used as comic filler, first doing a variation on the comic strip Bickersons and then a really odd stretch where mom is whacked out on drugs. None of this has anything to do with alien robots and yet it's in there.

Then there is the robot who speaks jive. The robot who speaks through classic songs on it's car radio and the robot with giant robot testicles. Yes, testicles. Are you laughing yet?

As much as I loathe most of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen even I cannot deny the technical mastery on display. Director Michael Bay cannot tell a good story to save his life  but his special effects work is some of the best in the industry. Optimus Prime is a mind blowing special effect that in a better more daring story would be the lead character.

Here is a sidekick to a group of forgettable human caricatures and one exceptionally beautiful woman. This relegation to the background makes him bland as a character but still extraordinarily rendered. When he is onscreen, especially in battle with the Decepticons, Prime is the kind of star you build movies around.

All of the alien robots are remarkably works of CGI effects. As characters they mostly stink. That however, they have in common with their human counterparts. Shia LeBeouf is a nice actor with a good deal of charisma but his only real character development comes in being in better physical shape than in the first film, the likely result of having to literally run from one special effect to the next, from one on set explosion to the next CGI green screen robot.

There is no denying Michael Bay is a master of effects. If that is appealing enough for you, then see the movie, you might be satisfied. If however, you require a well told story with your massive special effects forget Transformers. See Star Trek a special effects movie that actually bothers to tell a story in between CGI explosions.

Movie Review: Transformers Dark of the Moon

Transformers Dark of the Moon (2011) 

Directed by Michael Bay 

Written by Ehren Kruger 

Starring Shia LeBeouf, Rosie Huntington Whitley, Tyrese, Josh Duhamel, Patrick Dempsey, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich

Release Date June 29th, 2011

Published June 28th, 2011

To say that "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is the best of the "Transformers" movies is indeed damning with faint praise. The first two "Transformers" films were brutal exercises in filmic excess. Michael Bay banged his metal toys together inches from our ears and eyes and somehow expected us to enjoy it.

For "Dark of the Moon" however, the slamming and banging is rather welcome; especially when it interrupts Bay's abysmal attempts at comedy. The special effects of "Dark of the Moon" have greatly improved from the first two films. The effects editing of "Dark of the Moon" is better, this time we can actually see some of the robot action that before was a blur of whizbang, MTV style, quick cuts.

Sure, the story of "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" remains an incomprehensible bunch of hooey but at least I can make out which robot is Optimus Prime.

Man on the Moon

"Dark of the Moon" picks up with a trip back in time to the original space race. An alien ship has crashed and landed on the moon and President Kennedy authorizes NASA to go find out what it can about this alien vessel. Eight years later, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin arrive on the moon and discover the very first Autobot.

Cut to modern day and to our human hero, Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf). Despite having helped save the world twice Sam can't find a job. He longs to work with his pals Bumblebee and Optimus Prime but for now has to settle for a job in the mail room of a defense contractor; John Malkovich plays the company's wacky CEO.

Meet Carly

Not all is bad for Sam however; he does have a new hot girlfriend, Carly (Rosie Huntington Whitely), who happens to have a great job that keeps them in luxury. Carly works for a venture capitalist named Dylan (Patrick Dempsey) who happens to have a posh car collection. That he also happens to be an evil consort of the Decepticons will only come clear later.

The plot, such as it is, has the evil Decepticons, led by Megatron, looking to use technology stolen from the crashed autobot ship on the moon to import what's left of Cybertron to earth, essentially turning earth into the new Cybertron and turning the humans into slaves.

Which Robot is Which? Do You Care?

You need not know any more than that as what is left is the aforementioned whooey. "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is not about plot complications or characters; it's about giant robots pummeling each other. Quick question: Can you tell the Autobots from the Decepticons? Sub-question: Do you know the names of the individual Transformers?

I watched the cartoon as a child but for the life of me, I cannot tell any of the robots apart aside from Optimus Prime. There is a new robot added to the mix in Dark of the Moon, Sentinel Prime, and I could tell him apart from the others but only because of the commanding voice of Spock aka Leonard Nimoy.

Regardless of what robot is what, I could not stop myself from enjoying watching them rip each other apart. There is a moment when one robot rips another robots head off and the robot spine was still attached to the robot head; I couldn't hold back my giddiness. It sounds gruesome but they're robots so I don't feel bad for enjoying this glorious carnage.

Michael Bay, YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!

Sadly, Michael Bay keeps up his childish sense of humor in "Transformers: Dark of the Moon." While we settle in to enjoy robot on robot violence, Michael Bay cannot resist childish jokes about sex and sitcom level banter from Shia Le Beouf about his girlfriend troubles, job troubles and car troubles.

As mentioned earlier, John Malkovich shows up in Transformers: Dark of the Moon and when he shares screen time with John Turturro there is fear that the movie could turn into a classic vaudeville routine in which the performers trip and toss each other out of the way in order to take over center stage. This scenario sounds a great deal more fun than it is.

I'm a fan of Ken Jeong but what was he doing in this movie. Jeong plays a scientist with ties to the Decepticons but his real function is to be Ken Jeong and act all crazy. That was fun in the context of the "Hangover" movies, it's less fun in "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" because it feels forced and out place.

Opposing Ideas

Michael Bay has two opposing forces going at all times in Transformers: Dark of the Moon. At once he wants us to take somewhat seriously the notion of an alien battle that may end in the enslavement of all mankind. On the other hand, Bay wants us to laugh at his sophomoric, sitcom jokes. The tone simply never works and the two sides run together like an ugly, head on collision.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon could have been a pretty good movie without the human characters. I get why they are there, our emotional connection to the giant robots is relatively non-existent, but Bay and writer Ehren Kruger have made the human characters so outlandishly goofball that we don't have much emotional connection to them either.

Bottom Line

In the end, all I really wanted was some robot carnage that I could actually see. On that very basic level you could call Transformers: Dark of the Moon a success. Do I recommend the film for a general audience? Not really, you have to really like robots to enjoy Transformers: Dark of the Moon. This is not like Spiderman or Batman where the characters have an appeal beyond their actions.

Movie Review: Eagle Eye

Eagle Eye (2008) 

Directed by D.J Caruso 

Written by John Glenn, Travis Adam Wright, Hillary Seitz

Starring Shia LeBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson, Michael Chiklis, Anthony Mackie

Release Date September 26th, 2008

Published September 25th, 2008

Director D.J Caruso has had a strange career. He debuted with a funky modern noir character piece called The Salton Sea. He followed that brilliant indie feature with a braindead studio flick, Taking Lives, with Angelina Jolie and Ethan Hawke. He followed that with another piece of junk, the Matthew McConaughey-Al Pacino thriller Two For The Money.

Then Caruso remade Hitchcock's Rear Window with a modern twist and Disturbia returned the talent of the guy who made The Salton Sea. Now, reteamed with Disturbia star Shia LeBeouf, Caruso has taken another step back. With the chase movie junk of Eagle Eye, Caruso demonstrates a talent for blowing stuff up with a nihilists eye for consequence.

Jerry Shaw (LeBeouf) is something of a loser. Though he had opportunities, like a full ride to Stanford, he blew them off to become a copy technician in Chicago. One day Jerry hears that his twin brother has passed away. The brother was a military genius with a top secret job that neither Jerry or his parents knew anything about.

Days after his brothers death, Jerry's once empty bank account begins spilling cash on the street in front of him. The euphoria lasts until he arrives home and finds a large weapons cache awaiting him. A mysterious woman's voice on the phone tells him he has been activated and has 1 minute to get out of the apartment. He is captured by the FBI lead by Agent Morgan (Billy Bob Thornton).

While in custody that mysterious voice somehow ends up on his one phone call and once again Jerry is given a chance to escape. Meanwhile, a woman named Rachel Holloman is told by that same mysterious voice that her son will die if she doesn't get in a car and pick up Jerry. These two strangers are now pawns in a game of nationwide terror and can only follow orders to stay alive.

The plot of Eagle Eye is mousetrap efficient. The stakes are set and the players are put in place with proper motivations. The failing of Eagle Eye comes in not knowing what to do once all the pieces are ready to fall into place. The unfortunate fallback position of director D.J Caruso are a series of ever increasingly violent car chases.

These characters, their plight, could be interesting if the writers and director had serious intentions and an over arching point of view. But they don't. What they have is a plot on which to stage a series of car chases that at one point take on the comic pose of The Blues Brothers with nameless, faceless Chicago cop cars getting, flipped, flopped and smashed with little regard for the cops inside.

Shia LeBeouf has a tremendous talent for bringing the audience inside his character's troubles. We identify with him quickly because he is not the most handsome, or the biggest, or buffest action hero. He is street smart and witty and not every solution he invents actually works. He brings to Jerry Shaw the same qualities he brought to his hero in Disturbia and Transformers, a sense of awe of the situation he is in.

So often action movies or thrillers have characters who quickly adapt to the most outlandish circumstance. Not LeBeouf who allows himself to look and be out of his depth. It is a seeming lack of ego that endears him to audiences. Now, there are a few moments in Eagle Eye that force him to be a little more adept than your average person, but not for long and LeBeouf smoothes it over with good humor and a sly wink.

The script for Eagle Eye lets LeBeouf down by not giving his character more of an inner life. Jerry reacts to everything around him very well but the why behind his plight is weak. Eagle Eye wants to be about paranoia, technological emperialism, and big brother government. Those ideas are there in small bites but the overall purpose of Eagle is chase scene carnage.

There was an opportunity for Eagle Eye to be a modern techno thriller with a brain. D.J Caruso has that kind of talent. Sadly, Caruso has coopted his talent to the mainstream movie audience and now only delivers hyper-adrenalized, highly stylized, violence that measures on the Michael Bay scale. The funk is there in Eagle Eye, in the performance of Shia LeBeouf and the slightly offbeat energy of Billy Bob Thornton, but it is overwhelmed by mindless carnage.

Movie Review: Borg-McEnroe

Borg vs. McEnroe (2018)

Directed by Janus Metz Pedersen

Written by Ronnie Sandahl

Starring Shia LaBeouf, Sverrir Gudnasson, Stellan Skarsgard

Release Date April April 13th, 2018

Published August 10th, 2018

Usually when a movie bombs in spectacular fashion there is a very good reason why. Whether it was production delays, a star who finds trouble in the media, or a general lack of quality, there is usually an obvious reason to point to why something failed. Thus far however, it’s hard to say exactly why Borg Vs McEnroe is one of 2018’s biggest losers. Despite an 83% positive rating from critics at RottenTomatoes and an audience score nearly as good, the film barely broke the surface in terms of attention and with a $65 million dollar budget, there is not excuse for the movie tanking so badly.

Borg vs McEnroe takes audiences behind the scenes of one of the most epic battles in tennis history, Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe’s spectacular fight over the 1980 Wimbledon Championship. With Borg chasing his 5th straight Wimbledon and McEnroe the cocky upstart, making consistent headlines with his consistently bad on-court behavior, the match up was instantly iconic and more than lived up to its legendary expectations.

Bjorn Borg (Sverrir Gudnasson) wasn’t always a Swiss Cyborg with laser focus and no emotion on the court. As we learn from Borg vs McEnroe, Borg had more in common with the young John McEnroe than we ever imagined. Borg was cocky and filled with rage as a teenager and nearly found himself kicked out of tennis before he could ever become a champion. Borg nearly chose hockey as a more apt outlet for his rage filled tennis game.

Then, Borg met Swedish tennis legend Lennert Bergelin (Stellan Skarsgard). It was Bergelin who rescued Borg’s career when he was nearly kicked out of the game as rage fueled teen. It was Bergelin who taught Borg to slow down and take one point at a time and, most importantly, not to let his opponent see his emotions. Despite Borg’s cyborg behavior on the court we learn from the movie that he had perhaps a form of OCD, or at least a deeply held superstition, that drove him mad and could at times hamper his on court abilities.

John McEnroe is at once more and less complicated that Borg. As played by Shia LeBeouf, McEnroe is quick to rage on the court and stand-offish off the court. McEnroe was friendlier than Borg and actually made friends on the tennis tour, while Borg practiced in private and rarely left his highly appointed hotel room with his ritualistic layout of tennis gear and his fetishistic approach to sleep temperature.

There are more interesting details about Borg and McEnroe in Borg vs McEnroe but I won’t spoil them here. Director Janus Metz does terrific job of setting the stage for Borg and McEnroe’s epic match. We get a great sense of the character’s histories and how they form the men they are on the court and the more volatile behind the scenes moments have a riveting quality in the context of the final act of the movie, the Wimbledon final of 1980.

Sverrir Gudnason is a real life tennis pro, once Sweden’s number 1 player though not someone who broke out into worldwide fame. His credible impression of Borg on the court is a highlight even as the film appears to be hiding Lebeouf behind quick cuts. Lebeouf does well to look credible but it’s hard to imagine he would be good enough to recreate the actual style of Borg vs McEnroe as even the real life Borg and McEnroe struggled to find the magic in real life.

Borg vs McEnroe is a terrific sports movie. It’s conventional but still compelling. Gudnason is strong for a guy who plays professional tennis for a living. He’s genuinely compelling as Borg even if it never seems like we get a glimpse into what he’s really thinking. LeBeouf gets the showier part and it works as Lebeouf’s own youthful troubles seem to somewhat mirror McEnroe’s.

Why did Borg vs McEnroe fail so spectacularly? The film made only $7 million dollars worldwide on a budget of $65 million dollars. It’s hard to say why it happened but it wasn’t the fault of the movie. The film is solid, well made and well acted. The characters are compelling, the tennis is exciting. What happened to make fans reject the film so hard by not buying a ticket? It’s baffling but there it is. $65 million dollars down the drain all because audiences decided to skip on seeing a pretty good sports movie to the point that it didn’t even make it to nationwide release.

Borg vs McEnroe is available now on Blu-Ray, DVD and On-Demand Streaming.

Movie Review: Disturbia

Disturbia (2007) 

Directed by D.J Caruso 

Written by Christopher Landon, Carl Ellsworth 

Starring Shia LeBeouf, Aaron Yoo, Sarah Roemer, Carrie Ann Moss, David Morse

Release Date April 13th, 2007

Published April 13th, 2007

We all have movies we love that no one else even vaguely remembers. For me, one of those movies was director D.J Caruso's independent debut feature The Salton Sea. A dour but very clever modern nor starring Val Kilmer, The Salton Sea is a triumph of smart scripting and clever direction. Caruso's work since that debut, Taking Lives, Two For The Money, have been slipshod big star vehicles that are as slick as they are forgettable.

For his latest film, Disturbia, however; Caruso looks to be back in form. A modern, teenage take on Hitchcock's Rear Window, Disturbia uses the tools and techniques of classic cinema to craft a tricky, if somewhat predictable, little thriller; much more entertaining than you might expect.

Kale (Shia LeBeouf) lost his dad in a horrific car accident. Since then he has become a problem child whose troubles come to a head one day when he punched out his Spanish teacher. A sympathetic judge keeps Kale out of juvenile hall. The compromise however is no picnic. Kale will spend his summer trapped in his house under the ever watchful electronic watchdog, an ankle bracelet.

At first it's all videogames and cable TV but when mom (Carrie Ann Moss) cuts off both of his sources of entertainment, Kale finds his attention drawn to his neighbors windows. Using his high powered video camera and his dad's old binoculars, Kale begins capturing his neighbors routines. On one side he finds the new girl next door Ashley (Sarah Roemer). On the other side is Robert Turner, a creepy loner who fits the profile of a serial killer that Kale and his pal Ronny (Aaron Yoo) have been following on the news.

Soon the girl next door has joined the boys in their stakeout of the creepy neighbor who may or may not be a serial killer.

Disturbia takes the classic conceit of Hitchcock's Rear Window and updates it for the Ipod generation. Using plenty of modern gadgetry, director D.J Caruso uses technique to create tension and strong characters to create rooting interest and Disturbia becomes surprisingly involving. When it's quiet and watching Kale unfold his relationship with Ashley it has a John Hughes feel. When the tension is ratcheted up, Disturbia becomes old school Hitchcock by way of radio shack.

Shia Le Beouf is a young actor whose appeal is difficult to isolate. He isn't handsome, he doesn't cut a tough guy figure by any stretch. What he does have though is that classically Tom Hanks kind of goofy everyman thing. It is that quality that allows him to play the unique duality of Kale in Disturbia. On the one hand, he is an unlikely romantic interest for the beautiful girl next door. On the other hand he is the unlikely action hero running to the rescue.

David Morse is so effortlessly creepy he could be Giovonni Ribisi. With his imposing height and disquieting calm, Morse plays the creepy part of a serial with the zeal of a great method actor taking on Shakespeare's Hamlet. The script undercuts Morse's character by giving away too much too soon but that doesn't stop Morse from projecting menace well enough to keep you glued to the screen.

If there is one thing that irritates me about Disturbia it is that faux hip title. Disturbia as a title is too clever by half. It's just so market tested, as if an ad executive were trying to invent some hip teenage slang. Of course, if the one issue I can find with a movie is its title, that must be a pretty good movie. And, Disturbia is a pretty good movie, not great but really good.

Disturbia is a quick on its feet modern thriller, slightly predictable but endlessly watchable. Director D.J Caruso is old school in his approach to crafting and creating tension. He's also quite modern in the way he sews together two different genre aspects, the thriller and the coming of age romance. It helps to have a talented young cast to deliver on your vision and Caruso is blessed.

Shia Le Beouf may be a star in the making, watch for him in Transformers this summer, see him in Disturbia soon.

Movie Review: Wall Street Money Never Sleeps

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps (2010) 

Directed by Oliver Stone

Written by Allen Loeb, Stephen Schiff

Starring Michael Douglas, Carey Mulligan, Frank Langella, Shia LeBeouf

Release Date September 24th, 2010

Published September 23rd, 2010 

Director Oliver Stone has long been a fearsome critic of Wall Street greed. His Frankenstein character Gordon Gekko from 1987's “Wall Street” was meant as a stinging rebuke of Wall Street greed but became the progenitor of a new generation of real life Wall Street sharks who idolized Gekko's 'Greed is Good' philosophy.

More than 20 years later Stone looked set to take on Wall Street again as massive financial machines came crashing down before the government stepped in to save them. The financial meltdown seemed to provide the perfect background for the return of Gordon Gekko and an opportunity for Stone to provide the ultimate artistic polemic damning the Greed is Good generation. So what happened?

“Wall Street” Money Never Sleeps” stars Shia LeBeouf, picking up on the Wall Street wunderkind role essayed by Charlie Sheen in the original “Wall Street.” Shia is Jacob Moore, a 20 something who has risen fast at a powerful banking firm that stands on the verge of collapse. His mentor, the company CEO (Frank Langella), has leveraged the company on a lot of bad debt.

In a mirror image of Lehman Brothers, the company collapses and the rest of Wall Street rushes in to pick the bones. Soon, Jacob's mentor has taken his own life and Jacob is looking for revenge against the snake-like CEO of a rival company, Bretton James (Josh Brolin), who was responsible for his company’s downfall.

Jacob happens to have an unlikely ace in the hole; he's engaged to Winnie Gekko (Carey Mulligan), daughter of disgraced but re-emerging Wall Street titan Gordon Gekko. With a new book coming out and prison in his rearview mirror, Gekko too is in the revenge business, seeking the people who helped send him to prison. Seeing that he and Jacob may have a common enemy, Gekko offers sage advice and inside information all the while poking the kid to help repair Gekko's strained relationship with his daughter.

It is in the private lives of Jacob and Winnie where “Wall Street” Money Never Sleeps” goes awry. Carey Mulligan is a wonderful actress, always very compelling but here she is reduced to whiny caricature and plot creation. Winnie Gekko doesn't exist fully as a stand alone character and whenever she's onscreen you are left longing for what's happening in the boardrooms and backrooms where the billions of dollars are changing hand.

Director Oliver Stone, unfortunately, uses the relationship stuff as a place to hide from the Wall Street stuff. Where audiences come in expecting the controversial director to come out swinging against Wall Street greed monsters, we are shocked to find how often Stone turns tail and runs to the softer ground of father daughter and boyfriend girlfriend melodrama.

Yes, the relationship stuff does tie back to the main plot but it's more distracting than compelling. Josh Brolin and Frank Langella provide the film's best scenes as they battle for the soul of Wall Street and the politics of money within the walls of the Federal Reserve building. In Langella we see the failed dream of the honest man and in Brolin the mindless consumption that nearly drowned us all.

These scenes are achingly compelling and offer a glimpse of the Wall Street sequel many felt we would be getting. Sadly, it is only a glimpse as LeBoeuf's Jacob is never remotely compelling as Langella's sad mentor character. Once Langella is gone, Brolin and Douglas suck the air out and leave LeBeouf gasping in their wake, unable to support the edgy, critical side of Wall Street that we thought we were getting.

It's fair to theorize that LeBeoef's cypher like performance may be why Stone backed off on the more biting and dangerous critiques of modern day Wall Street. Lebeouf simply couldn't carry the weight. Stuck with him, Stone reverts to the romance and family plots, kicking in Susan Sarandon as Jacob's mom for extra help, and leaving “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” shockingly soporific.

As for the return of Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko he is sadly trapped by director Oliver Stone's wimping out. Gekko could have been, should have been the ultimate rebuke, the hammer that came crashing down on modern Wall Street greed. Instead, Gordon Gekko is softened and chastened by the need for the love of his daughter. Stone does well to isolate Gekko into his own plot and evoke the things we remember from the original “Wall Street,” but I can't be the only one who was hoping for something more than mere nostalgia.

For whatever reason, Oliver Stone pulled up short in “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” either unwilling or unable to pull the trigger on the kind of crushing polemic that many had hoped the ultra-left wing director would deliver upon the criminals who robbed America and left the economy in tatters for their own gain.

Movie Review The Greatest Game Ever Played

The Greatest Game Ever Played (2005) 

Directed by Bill Paxton

Written by Mark First

Starring Shia LeBeouf, Stephen Dillane, Elias Koteas, Peter Firth

Release Date September 30th, 2005

Published September 28th, 2005

Mark Frost co-created with David Lynch the head trippy TV show Twin Peaks. He co-wrote one of this year's biggest blockbusters, Fantastic Four, and years ago directed the lovely but forgettable romance Storyville. Who knew that all along he harbored the ambitions of a golf historian. Coming across the story of Francis Ouimet some years ago, Frost became obsessed with telling his story.

Ouimet, an amateur golfer and part time caddy, won the 1913 United States Golf Open in Brookline, Massachusetts by defeating arguably the greatest golfer of that era, British Champion Harry Vardon. It's a dramatic story well captured in Mark Frost's 2003 book "The Greatest Game Ever Played".

Given Frost's Hollywood experience the book has a natural cinematic quality to it. The story simply screamed for adaptation. Unfortunately, Frost's idea for a 12 part mini-series on HBO was shot down. Now in a far more truncated version, The Greatest Game Ever Played is an overlong Disney sports movie that nails every cliché of the genre while neglecting much of the detail that made the book special.

Directed by actor Bill Paxton, The Greatest Game Ever Played stars Shia Labeouf as Francis Ouimet, a poor kid living across the street from the prestigious Brookline Country Club where he found work as a caddy. Fascinated as a child by a chance meeting with the British champion Harry Vardon (Stephen Dillane), Francis developed his game in every free minute he had.

Francis's hard bitten father, Arthur (Elias Koteas, with an awful French accent), vehemently opposes Francis playing the game, either because it's above the family's means and social status, or because the plot seems to require his opposition to build tension.  Either way, neither reason is very compelling. Francis remains determined and with the support of his mother (Marnie McPhail) accepts a chance to play in the US Open at Brookline. His job is to show up and provide some local color opposite the out of town pros but Francis shows his mettle and really competes.

The film is not only Francis' story but also that of Harry Vardon, who, as a child, watched his home in Scotland demolished and a golf course put in its place. Determined to earn his way onto that course, Vardon developed into the greatest player Britain had ever seen, winning the British Open championship several times and the US Open once as well. With an eye to finally being allowed to join the club that replaced his home, Harry accepts an offer from the snooty Lord Northcliffe (Peter Firth) to go to the US and bring home the US Championship to England.

The film's subject may be golf but much of the story focuses on class and social status. Both Francis and Harry struggled with being poor kids in a rich man's world. Using their golfing abilities, both manage to find entry into the halls of power only to encounter even more resistance. No matter how many open championships Harry Vardon won, the best he could ever do was an honorary membership at his home country club.

For Francis, the issues of class came from both the men in power at the country club and the man in power of his home. His father was a strong, proud but very bitter man. Whether he envied his son's opportunity to dine with the upper crust or his need to protect his son from the inevitable disappointment of when that upper crust would reject him, his father never supports his playing, although smart audiences won't be surprised if father and son share a touching moment late in the picture.

Bill Paxton directs The Greatest Game Ever Played and makes it quite clear how much he loves the game. Long languorous shots of the tightly cropped grass, loving shots of clubs being handcrafted and endless scenes of straight ahead competition recreated from the 1913 US Open. However within these scenes is the not so subtle hint that golf is far more interesting to the player than to the audience.

Paxton and special effects director Louis Craig dress up much of the actual golfing scenes with flashy special effects that fade out the crowd around either Francis or Harry as they line up their shots and then take the ball's perspective as it flies down the fairway. The effects shots in Greatest Game likely cost more than most of the rest of the film and are entirely anachronistic to the quiet and observational atmosphere of the game, especially when considered against the film's genteel and respectable period setting.

The performances of the film's two leads, Shia LeBeouf and Steven Dillane do little to help the film over the rough spots of the poor special effects and cliched story. LeBeouf is a credible golfer but his performance is lighter here than it was in the truly lighthearted family flick Holes. As for Dillane, he's no stranger to period pieces having played the husband of Virginia Woolf in The Hours. In Greatest Game Dillane is greatly undone by the outright bizarre script that has Harry Vardon envisioning ghosts on the golf course as he struggles to sink putts and keep it in the fairway.

Neither actor is helped by the fact that they are both blown off the screen by the cute kid performance of Josh Flitter. As Francis's  eight year-old caddie, Eddie Lowery, Flitter is a real scene stealer. Eddie Lowery could likely be the subject of his own book or movie someday.  After caddying for Francis, Lowery went on to become a terrific golfer in his own right and a conqueror of the business world becoming a multi-millionaire.

If golf does not grab you, not much else of The Greatest Game Ever Played is likely to grab you either. Whether it is the tortured family dynamics of the Ouimet's or Harry Vardon's oddball obsession with the golf course planners who knocked down his childhood home that show up occasionally as ghosts when Harry struggles on the course, or the oddball performance of Peter Firth as the literally mustache twirling villain, The Greatest Game Ever Played has little that will appeal to the discerning moviegoer.

Disney has taken a very engaging sports book full of unique detail and stirring description and crossed it with the same sports movie formula that has made The Rookie, Remember The Titans, and Coach Carter uplifting sports flotsam. However where those films had sports that are naturally entertaining to a wide audience, golf remains on the margins of sports with audience appeal. Golf fans are highly specific and a film such as this that condescends to dressing up their favored sport with goofy effects is not likely to draw them in.

Then if that were not enough the film throws in a dull romantic subplot with Francis and a girl out of his social strata. The very lovely Peyton List plays Sara Willis, a daughter of one of the club members, who has a chance encounter with Francis as a small child and retains the attraction as the two become teenagers. The film attempts to mine tension from their Romeo and Juliet-esque class warfare but it's nothing that has not been portrayed before in far better films.

At just over two hours The Greatest Game Ever Played is torturously long. From the direction to the writing to the lightweight performances of both Shia LeBeouf and Steven Dillane, the film is as lifeless as a Sunday afternoon in front of a TV screen watching any golf tournament that does not feature the charismatic presence of the sport's greatest attraction, Tiger Woods.

Now throw some Tiger into The Greatest Game Ever Played and maybe you've got something. As it is, the 1913 United States Open may have been the greatest game ever played but it's one of least entertaining films of 2005.

Movie Review Holes

Holes (2003) 

Directed by Andrew Davis 

Written by Louis Sachar 

Starring Shia LeBeouf, Sigourney Weaver, Jon Voight, Patricia Arquette, Tim Blake Nelson 

Release Date April 18th, 2003 

Published April 17th, 2003 

Posters and wall hangings for the movie Holes began popping up in my local theater over 3 months ago. Because they touted the Disney connection of the film, I took little notice of them writing the film off as yet another formula Disney family movie. It wasn't until recently that I found out Holes is based on a book that had been a phenomenal hit with grade schoolers. This piqued my interest so I checked in with my grade school pop culture consultants, my nieces Megan, 11, and Alexa, 9. They told me that indeed Holes was a big hit in their school though Alexa was more interested than Megan was. Alexa was a little annoyed about my questions because she claims she told me about Holes a long time ago. So armed with this new knowledge, and never one to be left out of the pop culture loop, I went and checked out the movie.

Holes tells a couple of parallel stories that all play into one central story. The center of the story is Stanley Yelnats (Shia Lebeouf) who while walking home is hit in the head by a pair of baseball cleats. What Stanley doesn't know right away is that shoes were stolen from a charity auction for the homeless and were the property of a famous ballplayer. The film doesn't tip off the audience to exactly what is happening, all we know is that Stanley didn't steal the shoes but is nevertheless railroaded in court and sentenced to 18 months in a juvenile camp called Camp Greenlake.

The name Camp Greenlake is ironic because it’s far from green and there is no lake anywhere. The camp is in the middle of the desert and is run by three numbskull bad guys, Mr. Sir (Jon Voight), Dr. Pendanski (Tim Blake Nelson) and Warden Walker (Sigourney Weaver). According to the slimy Mr. Sir, Stanley's punishment at Camp Greenlake for his 18-month stay is to dig holes. Everyday for endless hours, nothing but digging. The counselors say digging builds character but it’s obvious to even the camp's most dunderheaded inhabitant that they are digging for something.

That something may be the treasure of a legendary bank robber known as Kissin Kate Barlow (Patricia Arquette). Kate Barlow was once a loving, docile school teacher who taught both the children and adults of Greenlake how to read and write. Her life was changed forever by a short sweet romance with Sam the onion man (West Wing’s Dule Hill). It began simply enough with Sam trading Kate his delicious onions in exchange for her delicious peaches. Then Sam offered to fix holes in the schoolhouse roof and from there, a tentative romance that is sweet and tender and yet barely takes up 10 to 15 minutes of screentime. The Sam and Kate subplot is the best thing about the film. Director Andrew Davis paints the romance quickly but without sacrificing the tenderness and Arquette and Hill have terrific chemistry. As the subplot develops in flashback, the fact that Sam is black tips the audience to the likely tragic ending of the romance to come.

There is yet another flashback story that plays into the main story, which is the story of the Yelnats family curse that Stanley believes has landed him in trouble. It seems years ago before coming to America Stanley's great grandfather made a deal with a sorceress Madam Zeroni, but before completing the deal he ran off to America and Madame Zeroni curse the family forever.

I won't reveal how the subplots play into the film’s main story, but I will say that it all makes sense in the end and the multiple flashbacks never become overbearing or distracting. They each reveal little clues that play in the ending of the film. Again I cannot praise enough the romance between Arquette and Hill which is of course meant to teach a lesson of history and tolerance. Because of Davis' skillful direction and writer Louis Sachar's smart script (Sachar also wrote the book), the subplot never seems preachy or heavy-handed.

The surprising thing about Holes is the amount of negativity sprinkled throughout that the film’s cute kids movie trailer doesn't prepare you for. The trailer is quite a swerve, leading those who didn't read the book to think you were seeing a Goonies-like gang of friends who stand up to the bad guys and work together as friends to find treasure. In reality, the supporting characters played up as Stanley's friends are for most of the film rather mean and unlikable. That is destined to change by the end of the film but it's certainly surprising at the beginning. Credit Sachar for such a risky choice to allow the kids of Camp Greenlake to actually be the obnoxious troublemakers that would end up being sent to a camp like the one in the film.

The problem areas of the film come from its one-note villains, Weaver, Nelson and especially Jon Voight. Playing a verified version of his amazon guide from Anaconda, Voight gets on your nerves with his many character quirks and quick tempered over acting. As for Weaver and Nelson, they don't rely on quirks and over acting likely because their character development was left on the cutting room floor, leaving them to simply be jerks. The film’s pacing is also at times a little slow and will leave many checking their watch and feeling they have been in the theater far longer than it seems

Nevertheless, there is more good than bad in Holes which is a parable about race, love, family and friendship masked in a mystery about buried treasure and western legend. With such unwieldy elements to tie into one story, credit Louis Sachar and Andrew Davis for making the film coherent. That it's also mildly entertaining is a nice bonus.