Classic Movie Review Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day (1993) 

Directed by Harold Ramis 

Written by Danny Rubin, Harold Ramis

Starring Bill Murray, Andie McDowell, Chris Elliott, Michael Shannon

Release Date February 12th, 1993 

Something keeps nagging at me about Groundhog Day, this week’s classic on the Everyone is a Critic Movie Podcast. I like the movie but something about Groundhog Day seems to bring out my inner pedant. Whether it’s the questionable timeline, the questionable motivation for those many timelines or something in the manner of Bill Murray’s slightly awkward performance, I can’t seem to embrace the film as fully as so many others have.

Groundhog Day stars Bill Murray as Phil Connors, a narcissistic Pittsburgh weather man who is tasked with traveling to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania for that yearly tradition of Groundhog Day. Punxsutawney has become famous for its Groundhog Festival at which the titular rodent, known around town as Phil, is pulled from his fake abode to announce whether he sees his shadow. The notion is that if the groundhog can see his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter.

Phil Connors can’t stand this assignment. He hates small towns nearly as much as he secretly hates himself. Phil is, to say the least, not a people person. He’s been to Punxsutawney for years for this assignment but has made no connections in town and barely stays long enough for the groundhog to finish his proclamation before hitting the road back to the big city. This year, however, will be different, very, very different.

For reasons that are never specified, Phil finds himself unable to leave Punxsutawney due to a snowstorm that he had predicted would not hit. Forced to spend another night, Phil finds himself waking up to find that it’s Groundhog Day all over again. Everything Phil experienced the day before is happening again in the exact same way. Phil is naturally quite disturbed but eventually settles on a nightmare that will end with another good night’s sleep. When the day repeats a third time, Phil is forced to accept that he’s stuck and how to deal with such bizarre circumstances.

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal 

Classic Movie Review The Pelican Brief

The Pelican Brief (1993) 

Directed by Alan J. Pakula 

Written by Alan J. Pakula 

Starring Denzel Washington, Julia Roberts, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow, Hume Cronyn 

Release Date December 17th, 1993

Published December 27th, 2023 

The Pelican Brief stars Julia Roberts as Tulane Law School student, Darby Shaw. Darby is your average 23 year old who happens to be sleeping with her law professor, played by Sam Shepherd. After a pair of Supreme Court Justices, Rosenberg and Jensen, are assassinated, Darby develops a theory as to why these to seemingly opposing judges were killed. It turns out, the two Justices, had one thing in common, the environment. Each voted regularly against major corporations that risked polluting the environment or those that did pollute the environment received significant penalties for doing so. 

Taking out Rosenberg and Jensen reshapes the court in someone's favor and that someone is likely the person who arranged two assassinations of Supreme Court Justices within hours of each other. For some reason, only 23 year old law student who is sleeping with her professor, is capable of figuring out this conspiracy. So, Darby writes a legal brief and gives it to her professor boyfriend. The boyfriend passes it to his pal at the FBI, played by John Heard. From there, what comes to be known as The Pelican Brief, reaches the desk of the President's Chief of Staff, played by Tony Goldwyn, who takes it to the President, Robert Culp, and a conspiracy unfolds to kill Darby and bury the brief.

On a second track of story, Washington Post reporter Gray Grantham, played by Denzel Washington, is following his own theory on the assassinations. Gray has connected with a Washington lawyer who claims to have seen a memo implicating his bosses at a big time law firm in the deaths of Rosenberg and Jensen. The lawyer, calling himself Garcia, reaches out to Grantham for help but ultimately backs out of a meeting with the reporter out of fear for his life. In the midst of trying to follow the bread crumbs left by Garcia, Gray meets Darby and the two begin working together to solve this conspiracy while running for their lives from ruthless assassins. 

There is something ever so slightly off throughout The Pelican Brief. While the film is perfectly watchable, it feels weightless for a movie about the assassination of TWO Supreme Court justices and a college professor. Oops, spoiler alert. There's actually an even bigger body count than that but I don't want to give everything away regarding this 30 year old blockbuster. The Pelican Brief never feels like anything more than a trashy beach read, perhaps because that is exactly what the movie was based upon. Legendary author John Grisham may have had the pretense of a law professor, but his books were straight melodrama inflated with legal jargon. 

That said, I expected a little something more from writer-director Alan J. Pakula. After all, he's the director behind two iconic 70s movies, one of which is the gold standard of political thrillers, All the President's Men, and the other is the remarkable mystery, Klute. Pakula was more than capable of making throwaway blockbuster style movies, even in his heyday, but, paired with the two most radiant stars of the day and a book that had a solid base for an exploration of corruption and politics, I got it in my head that The Pelican Brief should be more than it is. That's on me. The Pelican Brief, away from my expectations and desires, is fine. It's breezy, it moves quickly, and it doesn't overstay its welcome. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Remains of the Day

The Remains of the Day (1993) 

Directed by James Ivory 

Written by Ruth Prawer Jhabvala, Harold Pinter 

Starring Anthony Hopkins, Emma Thompson, Christopher Reeve 

Release Date November 5th 1993 

Published November 16th, 2023 

When I was growing up my perception of Merchant Ivory films was that they were homework. The names were synonymous with glowing critical reviews and awards shows. Merchant Ivory made prestige pictures and I was not a fan of prestige pictures. You could not have convinced me to watch a Merchant Ivory movie when I was a teenager. I would sooner give up soda and baseball cards than watch a movie like The Remains of the Day, a British post-war drama of quiet and methodical precision and melodrama. I would sooner stop playing Nintendo than watch a Merchant Ivory movie. I was as immature as any other teenager. 

But now I am an adult. I have more refined tastes. I watch foreign films and I write lengthy articles about the duality of the movie All About Eve or the hypnotic beauty and pacing of a Sophia Coppola movie. Surely, in middle age I will have reached a place where I find a Merchant Ivory movie appealing. Surely, an Oscar nominated film like The Remains of the Day will find new meaning for me as a grown man. But, Sadly, no. I find The Remains of the Day as tedious and boring as I likely would have as a teenager. I'm sorry, I just don't get what anyone sees in this movie. I've been told by older critics and friends of my mother, essentially boomers, that this is the height of sophisticated drama and I just don't buy it. 

The Remains of the Day stars Anthony Hopkins as Stevens, the head of the staff at stately Darlington Manor. He's a butler, just like his father before him and he takes pride in his position. Keeping an orderly house and a mannerly staff is a point of great pride for Stevens. And he values employees who feel a similar sense of pride. When he hires a new head maid, Miss Sarah 'Sally' Kenton (Emma Thompson), he finds a kindred spirit. She also values an orderly house and a well managed staff and together they serve the master of the house, The Earl of Darlington (James Fox). 

In flashback we are taken to prior to the start of World War 2. Darlington is the center of political intrigue. Big English politicians come to Darlington to quietly debate over what to do about the growing threat of Germany. We will come to find out that Lord Darlington is on the side of appeasement, a side that will not fare well when the war comes to England and will be nearly wiped out once the war ends. The other half of The Remains of the Day is set in post-war where Stephens is now working for a former American Congressman (Christopher Reeve) and he's seeking to rehire Sally who'd left years earlier over Lord Darlington's stance on appeasing the Germans. 

She was greatly upset when Lord Darlington welcomes German officials to the manor and prior to their arrival, he has Stephens fire a pair of young Jewish maids so as not to upset his visitors. The firing is a large part of what causes Sally to accept a proposal from a suitor, a middle-class businessman who offers her the chance to join him in opening an Inn. The other part of her reasoning is being upset with Stevens for willingly allowed the young and desperately poor maids to be fired. The rupture in their relationship becomes the subject of the final act of The Remains of the Day. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Fatal Instinct

Fatal Instinct (1993) 

Directed by Carl Reiner 

Written by David O'Malley 

Starring Armand Assante, Sherilyn Fenn, Kate Nelligan, Christopher McDonald, Sean Young 

Release Date October 29th, 1993 

Published October 31st, 2023 

Why is there no legacy for the movie Fatal Instinct? This brilliant parody of Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, and several other sex thrillers is absolutely hysterical from beginning to end. Legendary comic icon Carl Reiner is spot on in his timing, his direction is superb, and the jokes are nearly non-stop from start to finish. I can't understand it, why have most people have forgotten about Fatal Instinct? While Robin Hood Prince of Thieves and Hot Shots Part Deux are deservedly remembered for their 1993 releases, Fatal Instinct languishes in obscurity, and it makes no sense. All three of these movies, and Loaded Weapon, should all be fondly recalled as some of the best spoof comedies of all time. 

Armand Assante stars in Fatal Instinct and while he's not a natural comic actor, he's remarkably game for the nonsense being thrown at him in Fatal Instinct. Assante is Detective Ned Ravine, a good cop by night and a defense attorney by day. Thus, when we see Ravine bust a criminal during a stakeout at an amusement park, we also see Ravine become the man's defense attorney the following day in a series of very funny visual gags that I won't try to detail here. The visual jokes keep coming throughout the movie and you may have to watch Fatal Instinct a couple times in order to catch all the hilarious gags in Fatal Instinct. 

My favorite early gag is one I will try to lay out as it gives you a good sense of the sensibilities of Fatal Instinct. In the opening credits, if you're a huge music fan, you may make note of a credit for Clarence 'Big Man' Clemons. Indeed, Clarence is in the movie and he's used in a terrific running gag in which Sean Young, playing a noir femme fatale named Lola Cain is followed everywhere she goes by her very own sultry sax solo played by Clarence Clemons. It's a very simple but very effective joke that pays off later in another famous musician cameo that gets a big laugh. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Nightmare Before Christmas

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) 

Directed by Henry Selick 

Written by Caroline Thompson

Starring Chris Sarandon, Catherine O'Hara, Paul Reubens, Glenn Shaddix, Danny Elfman 

Release Date October 29th, 1993 

Published October 31st, 2023 

Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas was a slightly troubled project. It carried a $25 million dollar price tag. It was made by Henry Selick who, at the time, was not a big name. It had no star power behind it, in terms of the main voice cast. So concerned was Disney about how the film's horror aesthetic frightening the core demographic of Disney Animated films that they removed the Disney label from the film. Instead, the film was released by Disney subsidiary Touchstone Pictures. But Disney wasn't done fretting about The Nightmare Before Christmas. 

Despite a gorgeous look, an absolutely stunning production design and an incredible music from Danny Elfman, Disney didn't think the film would make money without a big star involved. The only big star on hand was Producer Tim Burton. Burton had helped oversee production but was not involved in the creative, this was Henry Selick's baby. But, Burton was coming off of a pair of hit Batman movies and having his name on the marquee in front of The Nightmare Before Christmas might provide a hook that was needed for the film to make money. 

They need not have fretted so much. 30 years later, The Nightmare Before Christmas isn't merely a successful cult classic, it's a smash hit. The $25 million dollar, 2 year production, has now returned a massive profit and even returned to near the top of the box office after 30 years. Since the film was released on October 29th, 1993, it has gone on to gross nearly $100 million dollars. Moreover, the film is a Halloween staple and still moves a mountain of merchandise including costumes, plush toys, decorations, and digital downloads for Danny Elfman's beloved music. 

The Nightmare Before Christmas became a meme before such things existed, before the internet. The Henry Selick horror aesthetic launched a million Hot Topic fashions and gave Gen-X goth kids an inspiration for years worth of style choices. That's a remarkable legacy for something that barely clocks in at feature length and has a story as desperately threadbare as this one. From a story perspective, there is hardly anything to describe. I will do my best, but the truth about The Nightmare Before Christmas is that it was never much of a movie, it was always more of a lifestyle. 

Find my full length reviiew at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Mrs. Doubtfire

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) 

Directed by Chris Columbus 

Written by Randy Mayem Singer, Leslie Dixon 

Starring Robin Williams, Sally Field, Mara Wilson, Pierce Brosnan 

Release Date November 24th, 2023 

Published November 27th, 2023 

I feel like our culture has gaslighted us all for the past 30 years. During this time period our culture has maintained a notion that Mrs. Doubtfire is a classic comedy about a father who will do anything to be close to his kids following a separation and divorce from his kind but worn out ex-wife, played by Sally Field. If you look at the film simply through the lens of our culture-wide love affair with the late Robin Williams, you will only ever find people who think that Mrs. Doubtfire is an untouchable comedy classic, ranking among the best family comedies ever made. 

If, however, you view the film without your rose colored glasses, Mrs. Doubtfire is a mess. This is a sloppy and ludicrous movie that stops dead repeatedly so that Robin Williams can do annoying schtick more at home on a mediocre sitcom than in any mainstream feature comedy. But, even more insidious is the bizarre notion that Robin Williams' devoted dad is some kind of hero. This is patently absurd if you actually watch the movie. I recently watched Mrs. Doubtfire for the I Hate Critics 1993 podcast and the consensus among the three of us on the show is that Robin Williams is the villain of Mrs. Doubtfire. 

I realize this is hard for some people to hear but it's true. Williams' Daniel is a terrible person. Every choice he makes, every desperate, sweaty attempt at fooling people, and all of the lying he does to cover his backside, Daniel is a villain. You can try and convince yourself that he does all of these things because he's being kept from his children, but the reality is that he could have been with his children as their father but he chose to be their friend and he chose not to be a good and caring partner to his wife. Those are the facts and I will happily lay them out for you. 

Mrs. Doubtfire stars Robin Williams as Daniel, a father of three whom we meet as he quits his job as a voiceover artist. He does it because he doesn't want to voice a cartoon in which a character is seen smoking. He's concerned about the effect of seeing smoking on kids and I sympathize with that. However, can we pause and consider the level of privilege one must have to be able to quit a good job over a moral disagreement like this? A lot of us aren't in a financial position to be able to quit a job simply because we have a minor qualm. 

So, why does Daniel feel comfortable walking out on his job? It's because his wife, Miranda (Sally Field) has a great job, a well paying job. It's a job that makes their life together with three kids possible and provides him the freedom to think he can quit his job on a whim. Quitting as he does allows Daniel time to pick up his kids from school and get home in time to throw a birthday party for his son that includes a petting zoo and dozens of kids who run around their house crawling on the furniture, throwing trash on the floor and bringing the pets from the zoo into the house. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Fearless

Fearless (1993) 

Directed by Peter Weir 

Written by Raphael Yglesias 

Starring Jeff Bridges, Rosie Perez, Isabella Rossellini, Benicio Del Toro 

Release Date October 15th, 1993 

Published November 6th, 2023 

Fearless stars Jeff Bridges as Max Kline, an architect who survives a deadly plane crash. We meet Max just as he's emerging from the smoking hull of the plane, several passengers trailing behind him. He appears stunned but also serenely calm as holds the hand of a child and is carrying a baby. After handing off the child to a first responder, Max goes in search of the mother of the child. After reuniting mother and baby, Max simply wanders off. He doesn't merely leave the side of the mother, he leaves the sight of the crash. 

Fast forward to a hotel for a quick shower and Max is off. We next see him arrive at a home where the woman inside, a married homemaker recognizes him and welcomes him inside briefly. The two are ex-lovers and they share a few memories over lunch. And then, Max is back at his hotel where he's located by authorities who've been trying to account for him since the crash. The airline wants to give Max a free train ride back to his home in San Francisco but Max, unexpectedly insists on flying back, first class. This is despite his having had serious fear of flying prior to having survived this crash. 

Back home we will learn that Max has a wife and son that he no longer appears to care for. Nearly dying has made Max a creature of the moment, a man with no time for anything that isn't his immediate desire. Much to the dismay of his otherwise loving and caring wife, Laura (Isabella Rosselini), Max has no interest in being home. Instead, Max seeks out one of his fellow survivors, Carla (Rosie Perez), with whom he pursues a relationship, mostly friendly, though he does eventually talk about running away with her. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Classic Movie Review Judgment Night

Judgment Night (1993) 

Directed by Stephen Hopkins 

Written by Lewis Colick 

Starring Emilio Estevez, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeremy Piven, Stephen Dorff, Denis Leary 

Release Date October 15th, 1993

Published October 16th, 2023 

The most interesting aspect of 1993's action flick, Judgment Night is how star Emilio Estevez held the producers over a barrel. Estevez is rumored to have been very low on the list of actors that the producers wanted for the lead role of Frank in Judgment Day. Naturally, they were chasing a big star, Tom Cruise. That didn't work so they went to Christian Slater who also passed on the role. The role was then passed on by John Travolta and Ray Liotta before landing at the feet of Emilio Estevez. The production had a small window to actually shoot and complete the film and with that, the studio offered Estevez the role because he was available and so many others said no. And then Estevez asked for $4 million dollars for the role and he got it. 

That's way more interesting than what happens in this dopey urban action drama which posits a mostly empty downtown Chicago a fully dystopian Chicago that is desperately violent but also a ghost town. Four buddies are traveling to the big city from the suburbs in order to attend a boxing event. Frank (Estevez) is joining his best friend Mike (Cuba Gooding Jr), Frank's brother, John (Stephen Dorff), and their obnoxious, pushy, irritating pal Ray (Jeremy Piven) for the trip to the city. 

Because his personality apparently isn't obnoxious enough, Ray decides to scam his way to borrowing a gigantic motor home to take the four friends to the city for the fight. Unfortunately, the group fails to account for Chicago traffic on a night when there is a giant sporting event and they wind up missing the start of the event while trapped on an expressway. With time slipping away, Ray makes an illegal turn and uses an off-ramp to try and sneak around traffic. The group ends up in the dystopian future set of Chicago, unrecognizable to suburban yokels like themselves. 

As the group bickers about being lost, Ray hits a pedestrian with the motor home. Forced to stop by his friends, Ray frets about going to jail as his buddies tend to the injured pedestrian. To say this pedestrian is having a rough night would be an understatement. Not only was hit just hit by a motor home, he'd been shot in the gut just before the accident. Clutching a bag full of ill-gotten cash, the man begs for help and the friends force Ray to try and find a hospital, despite his desire to abandon the injured man and try to avoid going to jail. 

Mike takes over driving and the group is on the run, choosing to try and chase a police car on its way to call. That's when the motor home is struck by a car and forced off the road. The motor home finally comes to rest trapped between two buildings. The men in the car that hit them turn out to be gangsters led by Fallon (Denis Leary). They break open the back of the motor home to snatch the injured man and they kill him. They then want to kill the witnesses to that killing and set off after our suburban commandos who rush off into those famously empty Chicago streets. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Demolition Man Take 2

Demolition Man (1993) 

Directed by Marco Brambilla 

Written by Daniel Waters 

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Nigel Hawthorne, Benjamin Bratt, Denis Leary

Release Date October 9th 1993

Published October 11th, 2023 

Demolition Man is a desperate, sad, and pathetic attempt by Sylvester Stallone to cast himself as the 'cool guy.' There was this character archetype of the 80s and 90s, one pioneered by Eddie Murphy, for the most part. It's a character who is the smartest, funniest, coolest guy in any room that he's in. I call these characters Bugs Bunny types. Bugs Bunny was always one step ahead of whoever he was on screen with. Bugs was never the subject of the joke, he was the one delivering the punchline. No one got over on Bugs Bunny, he always came out on top by being funnier, smarter, and more dynamic than anyone else on screen. 

Whether Eddie Murphy was aware of it or not, his Beverly Hills Cop persona is an R-Rated version of a Bugs Bunny archetype. Axel Foley is Bugs Bunny. He's always three steps ahead of everyone in a scene. Axel is the funniest, smartest, and wittiest person in every moment. No one can keep up with Axel or Bugs Bunny and no one is allowed to get one over on Axel or Bugs Bunny. There is an element of the archetypal Simpson's character Poochie in Axel Foley as in the few moments that Axel is off screen, everyone has to be talking about Axel and wondering what he's doing at that moment. 

I don't mean this to demean Eddie Murphy or his performance as Axel Foley, it's merely an observation. Being like Bugs Bunny is a solid compliment. There is also the matter of coming timing and instinct that make Eddie Murphy such a comic icon. His bravado, that swagger, it's unlike anyone we've seen in this kind of role. Why am I lingering on Beverly Hills Cop, Bugs Bunny, and Eddie Murphy in a review of Demolition Man? Because Sylvester Stallone wants so badly to be as cool as Eddie Murphy. 

It's very clear that the lead role in Demolition Man was written with someone of Murphy's comic timing and instinct in mind. It's clear that the movie would benefit from having a fleet footed comic voice at the heart of the story. It's also clear that having Sylvester Stallone and his sad, desperate, egotism at the heart of the movie, drags the whole thing down. Stallone is not an actor with strong comic instincts. He's lumbering, he speaks slowly, and he's not cool, no matter how much he might want you to believer it. He's simply not believable as the smartest, funniest, most dynamic guy in any room that he's in. 

Thus, what should be a fast paced action comedy, becomes a flat, lumbering, lumbering, clumsy, testosterone heavy, bloated explosion-fest. In order to frame Stallone as the coolest guy in any room, the rest of the cast is forced to dial back their performances to match Stallone's slow, witless cadence. So, we have a character played by a young and lovable Sandra Bullock who is rendered almost unwatchable as she bravely battles her way through some of the worst dialogue in any movie ever. And you have a remaining supporting cast that is not allowed to have either screen time or presence that might compete with Stallone or make him look any less dynamic than he already appears. 

Only Wesley Snipes is allowed to shine opposite Stallone and thus why Snipes disappears for so much time in Demolition Man. Though Snipes' Simon Phoenix is the big bad of Demolition Man, his colorful villain is kept off screen for lengthy periods of time while the screenwriters desperately try to craft scenes to make Stallone look cool. The world building in Demolition Man might appear, on the surface, to be similar to any other sci-fi movie set in the future. But, look closer, if you do, you can see a series of innovations that are clearly inventions intended to make Stallone appear more relatable and especially cooler than anyone else in the movie. 

One example that stands out as the kind of gag that is written for an Eddie Murphy type comic actor that falls flat as delivered by Stallone, involves bathroom habits of the future. I'd rather not linger on the famed 'three seashells' of Demolition Man, but the gag is one that Murphy would have thrived in riffing on. There would undoubtedly be a fast paced, curse word laden rant that Murphy would riff off the top of his head about the 'three seashells.' In the hands of Murphy, it's a masterpiece of raunchy humor. In the hands of Sylvester Stallone, the bit dies an unmourned death that raises far too many needless questions that distract from the story being told. 

For those that aren't familiar with Demolition Man, the story goes that Sylvester Stallone is John Spartan, a cop in 1996 Los Angeles. Spartan is a good cop who plays his own rules, a classic cliche of 80s and 90s action movies. John Spartan has been given the awkward moniker, Demolition Man, because his style of being a cop involves a remarkable level of property damage and death. In pursuing the violent criminal gang leader, Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes), Spartan is accused of getting a group of hostages killed and Spartan himself is convicted and placed in a cryo-prison. 

Frozen inside a giant ice cube, John Spartan is sleeping his life away until 2036 when his old nemesis, Simon Phoenix escapes from the same cryo-prison under strange circumstances. In 2036, there is no crime, no music, no salt, no sugar, and society is a pristine, plasticized bore. The Police still exist but they don't have much to do. Thus, when Simon Phoenix commits the first murders in more than 30 years, no one in the Police Department is prepared to deal with his level of violence. A young cop named Lenina Huxley offers an unusual solution, thaw out legendary cop John Spartan, reinstate him to the Police and have him track down Simon Phoenix. 

That's the plot of Demolition Man and there are the building blocks of a good idea in there. It's a classic fish out of water scenario in which a man from a different time suffers comical culture shock in a future he doesn't understand. It's a premise rife with easy culture clash gags that might be elevated by a comic mind like Eddie Murphy. Sadly, with Sylvester Stallone in the lead, the jokes basically devolve to dimwitted observations about how boring the future is without cool stuff we had in the past. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Dazed and Confused

Dazed and Confused (1993) 

Directed by Richard Linklater 

Written by Richard Linklater 

Starring Wiley Wiggins, Jason London, Matthew McConaughey, Parker Posey, Joey Lauren Adams, Ben Affleck 

Release Date September 24th, 1993 

Published September 25th, 2023 

Dazed and Confused captured a moment in time, a transition period for American culture. The last vestiges of the Baby Boom giving way to the start of Generation X. It's the end of the last great period of rock n'roll before it gave way to disco and eventually, pop music. The film is set just before AIDS arrived to rob the world of so many, many souls, both through the death of so many, and the many children who would never be born due to the fear of death by sexual activity. Dazed and Confused lives in this calm before the next storm. 

In 1976 we had a little distance from the turmoil of the 1960s and we hadn't yet seen the rise of the Evil Empire, a.k.a The Reagan administration. 1976 was a brief moment where we were allowed to breathe and relax and wait for the next trauma to visit the nation. Vietnam is a recent wound but one that we have a couple years distance from. Like I said, 1976 is a unique moment in time. Dazed and Confused reflects this moment by showing us a relatable but deeply disaffected group of young people, unmoored, exhausted, and just seeking a little break from the outside world via the various available intoxicants. 

The story, such as it is, of Dazed and Confused falls primarily on Randall 'Pink' Floyd (Jason London), the star Quarterback of his Texas High School. Pink is growing more and more disenchanted with the role of golden boy. When the Head Football Coach sends out a letter that is players must sign a drug and alcohol free pledge, Pink decides that he won't say it. This comes from two points of view, one, he just wants to see what the coaches reaction will be. The other point of view is that Randall doesn't want to play football anymore. Anyone with just a passing knowledge of High School Football in Texas knows that this is not decision that will go over well. 

The second track of story follows the incoming freshman of the school. Wiley Wiggins stars in Dazed and Confused as Mitch Kramer. Mitch becomes the prime target of the new senior class as part of an annual rite of passage in this small Texas town. Because Mitch has an older sister who is going to be a senior, the senior boys decide to punish Mitch extra hard. The tradition is such that new seniors, those going into the final year of High School in the fall, must spend the summer making sure to 'initiate' the incoming freshman. 

The initiation involves wooden paddles and spanking. It's a painful initiation into High School life and one the seniors relish as they've been through it themselves and are eager for the chance to become the aggressors. This is no more true for anyone as it is for now two time senior, O'Banion (Ben Affleck). The most loud and nasty of the senior bullies, classmates theorize that O'Banion failed his senior year just so he could come back and paddle freshman for one more year before he heads off to some dead end job. Ben Affleck invest O'Banion with a blank eyed stare that communicates both a depth of fear of the future and a deep sense of masculine insecurity that underlines the homo-erotic aspect of this bizarre rite of passage. 

Freshman girls don't get off easy either, though thankfully, they are free of spankings. For the incoming Freshman girls, the punishment appears to be voluntary. A group of girls who wish to be accepted as popular by the senior girls submit themselves to being forced to roll around on the ground and be covered in condiments before they are thrown into the back of a truck and driven thru a car wash. It's a different kind of ritual, for sure, one embodied by Sabrina (Christin Hinojosa), a freshman who was selected by one of the seniors and ends up being invited to travel with the Senior girls to various places and parties on this first night of summer. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review The Age of Innocence

The Age of Innocence (1993) 

Directed by Martin Scorsese

Written by Jay Cocks, Martin Scorsese

Starring Daniel Day Lewis, Michelle Pfeiffer, Winona Ryder 

Release Date October 1st, 1993 

Published September 2023 

Flower imagery is important for Martin Scorsese in The Age of Innocence. The open credits roll over footage of a flower. The first moving image of The Age of Innocence is an opera singer (Cindy Katz), picking up a flower as she sings. According to the Old Farmer's Almanac, conveying meaning via flowers was something of an elaborate pastime in the late 1800s, the time in which The Age of Innocence is set. The color of the flower, the type of flower, the bow tied to the flower, and the way in which the flower was given all had a specific meaning that was known among those in the Victorian Era. 

For instance, a yellow flower indicates romantic rejection whereas Red is the color of passion. The opera singer in the opening of The Age of Innocence has picked a yellow flower and whether or not you understand the language she is singing in, the flower is an indication that the man who is behind her in this scene, played by Actor Thomas Gibson of Dharma and Greg fame, is receiving a romantic rejection. Daniel Day Lewis' Newland Archer is seen as Scorsese pans over the crowd and is wearing white carnation which, again, according to the Old Farmers, indicates innocence, pure love, and sweet love. 

Newland is newly engaged to May, played by Winona Ryder, and appears happy to be betrothed to young woman from a good and respectable family. His well being however, is upended by the appearance of Countess Ellen Olenska, played by Michelle Pfeiffer. Where May is much younger than her husband to be, Ellen is the same age and the two had known each other in their youth. For various reasons, they never became romantically involved. Ellen moved to Europe, married into royalty and is now scandalizing New York City with the notion that she may actually become divorced. The plot truly kicks in when Newland is assigned by his law firm to represent Ellen and encourage her to return to her powerful husband or risk scandal and ruin. 

Nearing the end of the first act we get more flower imagery. Newland, after having visited Countess Olenska, decides to send her flowers but not before he's reminded by the florist that he should send flowers to his wife-to-be, May. Newland sends May her favorite flower, Lilly of the Valley which symbolizes sweetness, tears of the Virgin Mary, and humility. These are lovely and also damning traits. For the Countess, he sends yellow roses. Now, yellow does symbolize rejection but, yellow roses have their own meaning. in this case, they symbolize jealousy, decrease of love, and infidelity. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Horror in the 90s Misery

Misery (1993) 

Directed by Rob Reiner 

Written by William Goldman 

Starring James Caan, Kathy Bates 

Release Date November 30th, 1990 

Box Office $61.3 million 

The first images seen on screen in Misery are utterly meaningless. A Lucky Strike cigarette, unlit, an empty champagne glass, and a bottle of Champagne. Visually, you can read into this a celebration about to occur. Indeed, the subject of Misery, writer Paul Sheldon, played by James Caan, is about to finishing typing the final words of his final novel featuring the character Misery Chastain. Paul has decided to end his highly successful franchise and the opening visuals of the movie are an indication of the celebratory nature of this decision. 

But what do these images foreshadow for the remainder of the story? Nothing really. Paul Sheldon will soon be involved in a car wreck. He will be rescued by someone who just happens to be 'his biggest fan.' Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates), the fan, finds his novel and is none too pleased to find that her favorite book character is being killed off. Thus, she sets to set the author straight. She will hold him captive and torture him in order to get him to write a different, happier book, one more fitting her vision of Misery Chastain as her favorite book character. 

In the context of a novel, it's very clear that Stephen King is commenting upon the fickle nature of readers and their relationship to authors. King, whether he openly acknowledged it or not, was truly writing about having been pigeonholed and seemingly forced to write to the tastes of his readers rather than to what spoke to him as an author and artist. That subtext is underlined in the novel form. As a movie, it doesn't resonate quite as much. We can get a sense of the commentary occurring, but this is a movie, not a novel, moreover it's an adaptation of Stephen King and not King himself sub textually crying out at his audience to let him choose his subjects. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media 

Classic Movie Review True Romance

True Romance (1993) 

Directed by Tony Scott

Written by Quentin Tarentino

Starring Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Wallker, Dennis Hopper 

Release Date September 10th, 1993 

Published September 13th, 2023 

True Romance is a mixed bag. On one hand, it's an entertaining crime thriller. On the other hand, 30 years after its release, and despite coming out before Quentin Tarantino became one of the most iconic and influential writer-directors of all time, it has the feel of off-brand Tarantino. True Romance, 30 years later plays like one of several hundred movies that tried to be a Tarantino movie and failed. This is despite having Tarantino as the film's screenwriter of True Romance. Something about Tarantino's unique way with words coming out of characters being shaped by another director, makes everything feel just a little... off. 

True Romance stars Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette as a most unlikely pair of lovers. Alabama (Arquette) is a sex worker who has been hired to seduce Clarence (Slater) as a birthday present from Clarence's boss. It's clear to us, if not to Clarence, that she's too good to be true. She meet cutes with Clarence at a Sonny Chiba triple feature at a sleazy L.A theater. She's the only woman in the theater and is clearly going out of her way to meet Clarence. She flirts with the intensity of someone learning to be an actor in a bad romantic comedy. She even seems to listen intently as Clarence tells her about his favorite comic book. 

Nevertheless, the ruse works on Clarence and the two have a great time together. Alabama even had fun, even as she was faking just about everything. This leads her to guiltily confess that she was hired to be his date and show him a good time. When Clarence says he's not bothered by this revelation at all, Alabama tells him that she's in love with him and he responds in kind. Thus is born a marriage proposal as these two unlikely souls tie the knot and set about a life together. Nagging at Clarence however, is Alabama's past, which includes an abusive pimp that Clarence feels he must confront in a misguided attempt to defend her honor. 

Said pimp is a vicious killer named Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman). Drexl is introduced having a deeply lascivious conversation about oral sex before he murders two of the men he's been chatting with, including a well-dressed Samuel L. Jackson in less than a cameo appearance. Drexl is not a man who plays nice, and Clarence appears completely out of his depth in confronting him. Nevertheless, Clarence manages to not only kill Drexl but also steal more than a million dollars worth of cocaine in the process. Rather than be put off by Clarence's multiple murders, Alabama says the act is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her and their fates are sealed. 

The remaining plot of True Romance shifts to Los Angeles where Clarence and Alabama hook up with an old friend of Clarence's, an actor named Dick (Michael Rappaport. Clarence assumes that because his old friend is an actor that he will know who in Hollywood will buy more than a million dollars in cocaine for a fraction of the price. That he turns out to actually have that connection in Hollywood is a very funny circumstance, one symbolic of the tone that Tarantino's script is going for, though not exactly in line with the strengths of director Tony Scott who seems to miss just how funny this coincidence is. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl (1993) 

Directed by John Whitesell 

Written by Paul Shapiro 

Starring Jason Priestley, Jerry O'Connell, Gabriel Olds, Joe Pantoliano, Steve Railsback 

Release Date September 3rd, 1993

Published September 6th, 2023 

Three teenage creeps decide to drive up to the home of a movie star because they believe she will have sex with them if they explain that they have been fans of hers for years. That's the premise of a comedy in which these three creeps are treated like harmless scamps on an adventure. Watching the movie Calendar Girl is a bleak reminder of how much our culture has dehumanized Marilyn Monroe and normalized any and all male desires as harmless parts of being a man. I'm going to be told that I am taking this too seriously and if you're the one saying that, you should keep reading, you have a lot to learn. 

Calendar Girls stars Jason Priestley as Roy Darpinian, a troubled teenager with a distant father (Steve Railsback), who works as debt collector for the local mob. Roy is about to join the army and has only a few days before he leaves.  Roy wants to spend these last few days with his best school pals, Ned (Gabriel Olds), and Dood (Jerry O'Connell). The three pals facing down having to get started on life post-High School decide a road trip in order. That road trip just happens to be a trip to Hollywood and a stop at Marilyn Monroe's house. 

Ned, though the most bland of these three white bread dorks, is possibly the biggest creep. He carries around a bible with him wherever he goes. Nothing wrong with that except that it is not an actual bible. Rather, it's a serial killer level collage of photos and details about the life of Marilyn Monroe. So extensive is Ned's obsession with Marilyn that he has somehow located her actual home address. With no one to tell them not to, as this is a fully consequence free universe, the three friends steal a car and head to Hollywood. 

There is an old proverb about a dog chasing a car and the ultimate question: what will the dog do if he actually caught the car? This is an apt analogy for our three moronic protagonists in Calendar Girl. What do they do when they meet Marilyn Monroe? What is the ultimate goal? According to Roy, they 'Canoe' her. I'm not having a stroke here, I'm not mishearing something, that's what the character played by Jason Priestley makes very clear. He believes that he and his friends should 'Canoe' Marilyn Monroe. Those who take things literally are very confused right now. Do they want to take her on a canoe trip? No, they most assuredly do not want that. 

No, for reasons that have broken my brain since I saw this abysmal movie, to 'Canoe' is to have sex. Roy believes that these three men who have never met Marilyn Monroe should have the goal of having sex with her when they meet her. He lays out how vulnerable Marilyn is having recently been fired from a movie and having recently parted ways with husband Henry Miller. It's the perfect time for three teenage creeps to go to her house and convince her to have sex with them. And somehow, a group of people made a movie with this concept and treat this idea as if it were a wacky, good-natured, adventure. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Surf Ninjas

Surf Ninjas (1993) 

Directed by Neal Israel 

Written by Dan Gordon, Neal Israel 

Starring Ernie Reyes Jr, Ernie Reyes Sr, Leslie Nielsen, Rob Schneider 

Release Date August 20th, 1993 

Published August 29th, 2023 

With apologies to Ernie Reyes, Jr and Sr, Surf Ninjas is a truly terrible movie. This incomprehensible mess of a kids movie posits a world where orphan brothers are protected by a homeless drifter who may or may not be their father and who stealthily dispatches of ninjas looking to kill his children. The kids are unaware of the constant peril they live in and they don't seem to have any questions about their lives, their back story, or the father that abandoned them. They just want to surf bro. Reality however, comes crashing through the walls when Ninjas attack and daddy is forced to reveal himself. 

I genuinely don't know what else you need to know about Surf Ninjas. The plot is rudimentary, the shooting style is amateurish and the performances are devoid of interest. For reasons that defy logic and the ability to suspend disbelief, the brothers go to school with their pal, Iggy, played by Rob Schneider. Is it supposed to be funny that Schneider is 30 years old while playing a character described as a Junior in High School? It's not funny but I also don't know why this choice was made at all. I get that in 1993 Schneider was vaguely appealing as a cast member on Saturday Night Live but why not have him play his age instead of defying credulity as a supposed teenager. 

Naturally, Schneider cannot wait 10 minutes before committing a minor hate crime. As the kids fall under the attack from Ninjas in the employ of Colonel Chi, a hate crime committed by Leslie Nielsen, Schneider breaks out the racist accents and tells a ninja that he 'no speaky the English.' It's hard to even write that line and yet Schneider says it as if it's just totally normal. This was only Schneider's third feature film role but he was setting the tone for the cinematic hate crimes he would continue to commit for the next 30 years of devolving as a human being, and as a comedian and actor. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Jason Goes to Hell The Final Friday

Jason Goes to Hell The Final Friday (1993) 

Directed by Adam Marcus 

Written by Jay Huguely, Dean Lorey 

Starring John D. LeMay, Kane Hodder, Erin Gray, Allison Smith, Steven Culp, Steven Williams 

Release Date August 13th, 1993 

August 17th, 2023 

It's weird and rare to see a horror movie franchise parody itself and yet, that's exactly what we get in the opening moments of Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. The film opens on a beautiful woman alone at a summer camp. She's making all of the mistakes that a victim of Jason Voorhees makes. She's getting naked and then running around in just a towel. Naturally, of course, this grabs Jason's attention and he begins his usual methodical pursuit. And then the see is turned on its head. Floodlights fill the scene, the woman as well as dozens of FBI Agents pull guns and explosives are used to blow Jason Voorhees to little bits. 

This sequence features a shot of Jason's mask flying toward the screen and a shot of Jason's still beating heart which is pretty cool. For a moment, only a moment, it seems as if Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, might have a sense of humor and purpose in taking this aging franchise in an interesting new direction. And then, the movie flies completely off the rails. If you could think of a worse direction to take Jason Voorhees and this franchise you would be meeting quite a challenge. The decisions made by director Adam Marcus and writers Jay Huguely and Dean Lorey are so insane that they defy any attempt to defend them. 

So, with Jason blown to bits how does the story continue? Jason's charred pieces are taken for an autopsy. The coroner in charge of Jason's body, for reasons that cannot be explained, decides to eat Jason's heart. It's implied that something supernatural, something Jason is doing from beyond the grave, is causing this otherwise normal guy, to eat Jason's heart but that doesn't make this scene any less insane. Eating Jason's heart turns the coroner into Jason Voorhees but he still looks like the coroner. As the coroner, Jason sets about murdering the staff of the coroner's office and begins seeking a way to keep himself alive. 

To let us know that Jason is still around, we occasionally see Jason, full hockey mask and overalls regalia intact, in reflections. You know, in case we forgot what movie we were watching. For real, we might actually need the reminder as Jason Goes to Hell is set to retcon more of Jason's backstory to serve this new narrative. In a move that baffled long time fans, Jason is revealed to have a sister, played by a slumming former television star, Erin Gray. She has a daughter who is about to give birth and Jason wants to get in that baby in order to be reborn into a new body. 

Thus, Jason kills his way through several bodies, he can't sustain the bodies he enters by vomiting himself from one victim to another. All while he searches for his sister and the baby that he hopes he can enter and be reborn. Why and how a mindless killing machine like Jason Voorhees would suddenly have this supernatural body swapping power to the knowledge of how to use these powers is beyond any attempt to explain. He just now has these powers just as he now has a sister that he never had before. Look, if you're going to question it, you're not going to enjoy Jason Goes to Hell. I know, I didn't enjoy it. 

Well, I should say, I didn't enjoy it in any way that the filmmakers intended me to enjoy it. On a derisive level, I did have a little fun making fun of Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. The sight of various characters in the guise of Jason Voorhees vomiting Jason from one body to the next is a gross but hilarious visual. I laughed at poor Erin Gray who seems to be lamenting every moment that she spends being in this movie. Gray was once a popular and beloved television star and its clear that being part of a late in life sequel to a dying horror franchise is not how she saw her career playing out. Her dead behind the eyes delivery borders on intentional comedy. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media

Classic Movie Review The Fugitive

The Fugitive (1993) 

Directed by Andrew Davis 

Written by Jeb Stuart, David Twohy 

Starring Harrison Ford, Tommy Lee Jones, Julianne Moore, Selma Blair, Joe Pantoliano

Release Date August 6th, 2023

Published August 7th, 2023 

The story behind the movie The Fugitive is much crazier than I would have ever expected. The movie is so tight and so uniquely performed, I assumed that it must have been a terrifically assembled piece of work behind the scenes. Then, I read an incredible thread on Twitter from a user named @ATRightMovies. This person lays out a behind the scenes story that, on the surface, you would assume led to the creation of a complete disaster of a movie. Script problems, a star who was halfheartedly interested in making the movie, and assumptions on the set that everyone was making a bad movie, somehow led to the creation of a film that was nominated for 7 Oscars, with one Oscar win. 

The Fugitive is based on a popular 1960s television series starring David Janssen as Dr. Richard Kimble, a man wrongly accused of murdering his wife. Harrison Ford takes on the role of Dr. Kimble in the movie which finds him returning to his well appointed home to find a one armed man had assaulted and murdered his wife (Sela Ward). Kimble fought the one armed man but he managed to mistake. When Police arrived, they found Dr. Kimble covered in his wife's blood, he'd tried to perform CPR and ended up clutching her dead body in his anguish over her death. 

The blood and Kimble's story about a one armed man are too much for the Chicago Police Investigators to buy. They arrest Kimble and charge him with murder. Found guilty, Richard is facing life in prison when fate intervenes. While being transported to a Federal Prison, other inmates on the transport initiate a plan for escape. They attack and stab a guard, the driver of the bus is shot and killed, and the bus crashes on train tracks. In a spectacular sequence, a train is headed toward the bus on the tracks. Kimble picks up the injured officer and saves his life. Then, in a moment that has been shared among the best action sequences of the past 30 years, Kimble leaps from the broken bus seconds before the train strikes it, leading to a train derailment. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media

Classic Movie Review So I Married an Ax Murderer

So I Married an Ax Murderer (1993) 

Directed by Thomas Schlamme 

Written by Robbie Fox

Starring Mike Myers, Nancy Travis, Anthony LaPaglia, Brenda Fricker, Alan Arkin 

Release Date July 30th, 1993 

Published August 4th, 2023 

I feel like I should like the movie So I Married an Ax Murderer. I have the impression of the movie as a light hearted romp with a true crime twist. It sounds charming in description: Nice guy meets a woman who happens to have a bad history with men who disappear after marrying her. There are things about it that sound like a fun twist on the true crime and rom-com genre. And yet, every time I try watching So I Married an Ax Murderer, the film sets off the pedantic, cranky side of my personality. I like to think of myself as a pretty chill, relatively relaxed guy, but when I watch So I Married an Ax Murderer, my skin crawls and I get easily irritated. 

So I Married an Ax Murderer stars Mike Myers as Charlie. Charlie is a poet in San Francisco. Is being a poet in a coffee shop his job? He doesn't appear to have any other means of support so I guess that's what we are supposed to believe. Through Charlie's poetry, set to the beat of improvised jazz, we learn that Charlie is finicky about women. His most recent break up was dubiously related to his belief that his ex-girlfriend stole his cat. Charlie's best friend, a police detective, Tony (Anthony LaPaglia), believes Charlie is too hard on the women he dates and too picky about minor flaws they may or may not have. He thinks Charlie is simply afraid of commitment. 

This notion will be put to the test when Charlie meets Harriet (Nancy Travis), a beautiful woman who seems to speak his strange comic language. The two vibe over Charlie helping Harriet on a tough and busy day at her family Butcher Shop. Charlie's Dad, also played by Myers, was also a Butcher back in the day so Charlie volunteers to work for Harriet as a way to get the chance to hit on her all day. The two flirt mercilessly, mostly via various cuts of meat, I am in cringing just thinking about this scene. I can't help it. I kept thinking, this is her place of business, she's busy with a line of customers, and this guy is doing meat based schtick. She encourages it, but I only find that equally frustrating. 

The meaty flirtation leads to the two spending the night together and helps Charlie locate the first red flag about this new relationship. Harriet has a habit of talking and moaning in her sleep while talking about someone named Ralph. When confronted about Ralph, Harriet doesn't want to talk about it. Nor does Harriet want to talk about any aspect of her past, especially the number of times she's previously been married. By coincidence, Charlie's mom (Brenda Fricker), shows him a copy of the Weekly World News tabloid which has a story about a marrying serial killer who seduces and kills husbands. The pattern matches with some of Harriet's backstory and Charlie begins to end the relationship. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Classic Movie Review Robin Hood Men in Tights

Robin Hood Men in Tights (1993) 

Directed by Mel Brooks 

Written by Mel Brooks, Evan Chandler, J. David Shapiro 

Starring Cary Elwes, Amy Yasbeck, Mel Brooks, Richard Lewis, Roger Rees, Isaac Hayes 

Release Date July 28th, 1993 

Published July 25th, 2023 

Mel Brooks has a generational impact. For many, their Mel Brooks movie experience began with The Producers and proceeded to Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles. My Mel Brooks experience, due to having been born late in the Gen-X generation, was a little different. My Mel Brooks movies were Spaceballs and Robin Hood Men in Tights. The earlier Mel Brooks classics came to me later. Thus, I think I hold both Spaceballs and Robin Hood Men in Tights in high regard because I simply saw them and fell in love with them first. 

This doesn't mean that I believe that Spaceballs and Robin Hood Men in Tights are better than the Brooks 1970s movies. It just means that I have a much softer spot for Brooks 80s period, one that many older Brooks fans do not share. Older fans of Mel Brooks have often stated that Brooks became a bit to reliant on referring to his past glory in the 80s and early 90s. They aren't entirely wrong. Both Spaceballs and Robin Hood Men in Tights rely heavily on referring to gags and characters that Brooks invented in his glorious 60s and 70s peak. 

That said, I still love Robin Hood Men in Tights and looking back on it 30 years after it was released, I was surprised to find that my love for the film is as strong as ever. Brooks' ingenious satire of Kevin Costner's dreary Robin Hood adaptation is also a loving homage to the original telling of Robin Hood on the big screen, that undertaken by the legendary Errol Flynn in the 1930s. Weaving nods to both of those Robin Hood stories, amid references to his own legendary canon, Mel Brooks created Robin Hood Men in Tights, a cocksure, headstrong comedy that stands on its own. Or was that the other way around? 

The brilliance of Mel Brooks is on display immediately in Robin Hood Men in Tights. Within moments of his credits sequence bursting on the screen with heroic music and the visual of fiery arrows being fired into the distance, Brooks begins breaking the fourth wall. The credits arrows have hit a nearby village, lighting the whole thing on fire as residents complain that this happens every time someone makes a Robin Hood movie. The very funny meta gag ends with the extras turning to the camera to tell Mel Brooks to leave them alone. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Classic Movie Review Rookie of the Year

Rookie of the Year (1993) 

Directed by Daniel Stern 

Written by Sam Harper 

Starring Thomas Ian Nicholas, Gary Busey, Amy Morton 

Release Date July 7th 1993

Published July 17th, 2023 

As a kid, the idea of a movie featuring my Chicago Cubs was golden. I loved it. I was incredibly happy to throw down money to watch a movie featuring Wrigley Field and a hint of the magic of the Major League Baseball that I was obsessed with. Rookie of the Year existed in a pantheon of movies like Back to the Future 3 and Taking Care of Business that made a joke of having my lovably losing Cubbies winning the World Series, something the team hadn't done since 1908. For a time, the Cubs were a go-to reference for anyone wanting to reference long term losing or a poignant dedication to thankless endeavor. 

Rookie of the Year however, was a little different. The earnestness of this family comedy had the Cubs winning the World Series not as an ironic joke but as a genuine moment of unexpected triumph. It's about the ultimate underdogs overcoming the odds to do the impossible in a way that was inspiring and not meant to mock, even as it takes an over-powered kid pitcher to make it happen. Rookie of the Year's nostalgic appeal has lingered for me for 30 years simply because of the fact that it wasn't made with the intent of mocking the idea that my favorite team might actually win. 

It can be hard to wipe the nostalgia out of your eyes and see something for what it really is. Sadly, for the Everyone's a Critic 1993 Podcast, I forced myself to do just that and what I found is that Rookie of the Year is as obnoxious and insufferable as any movie in the last 30 years. It gets a break because it has incredibly low ambitions, being a movie for very small children, but watching it as an adult was a miserable experience nonetheless. The charm of Rookie of the Year has, for me, completely worn off and curdled into a spoiled bit of nostalgia that I would very much like to forget. 

Rookie of the Year stars toothy 12 year old Thomas Ian Nicholas, future star of the American Pie franchise. Here, Nicholas plays Henry Rowengartner a baseball loving nerd who lacks natural athletic gifts. This is despite the word of his mother who claims that Henry's dad was a ballplayer. Sadly, Henry's Dad left years ago and is barely a memory. Now, Mom is dating a weasel named Jack (Bruce Altman). We know he's a weasel because of his shirts, his unearned confidence, and his stupid car and haircut. 

The plot of Rookie of the Year begins when Henry suffers a broken shoulder. The break heals oddly and leaves Henry's tendons super tight. Soon Henry is throwing an incredible 100 mile per hour fastball. When he shows off his arm at a Chicago Cubs game by throwing a ball from the bleachers to home plate in record time, Henry catches the eye of the Cubs duplicitous VP Larry "Fish" Fisher. Fish tracks Henry down and cuts a deal with Jack to make Henry the newest star of the Chicago Cubs. This comes over much consternation from Henry's mom, and much to the excitement of Henry's best friends, George (Patrick Lebeque) and Clark (Patrick Hy Gorman). 

Less excited about this than anyone is the Cubs legendary pitching star Chet "Rocket" Steadman. He thinks Henry is a sideshow attraction and suspects that this publicity stunt isn't good for anything other than the Cubs' bottom line. Nevertheless, Chet will have to get on board as his manager assigns Chet to try and teach Henry how to control his 100 mile per hour fastball. Naturally, the standoffish Chet will slowly come around as a mentor for Henry and emerges as a love interest for Henry's mom. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media