Movie Review Haunted Mansion

Haunted Mansion (2023) 

Directed by Justin Simien 

Written by Katie Dippold 

Starring LaKeith Stanfield, Rosario Dawson, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny Devito, Chase W. Dillon, Jared Leto, Jamie Lee Curtis 

Release Date July 28th, 2023 

Published July 31st, 2023 

There is a lovely idea at the heart of Haunted Mansion that gets lost among the muck of trying to make a wide appeal blockbuster family movie. At the core of Haunted Mansion, director Justin Simien, creator of the ingenious, Dear White People, appears fascinated by the concept of grief and the ways it manifests in negative ways for many people. Losing someone you love is a life altering event, it can lead to any number of negative manifestations if it is not dealt with and processed in a healthy fashion. It manifests in Haunted Mansion via LaLeith Stanfield's Ben, an astrophysicist who gave up everything after his young wife died. 

Stanfield is unquestionably an actor who can handle this kind of heavy material but the heavy nature of Haunted Mansion unfortunately drags on what is otherwise intended to be a summer blockbuster version of a Disney theme park ride. While Simien is working in the emotional space of Stanfield's grieving widower, the rest of the movie appears to be going for something broad, campy, scary and yet family friendly and the tonal dissonance is a big part of the overall failure of Haunted Mansion. By attempting to serve a number of ideas, the film ends up serving none of those ideas particularly well. 

Ben (Stanfield) was once a very successful and happy Astrophysicist shyly using his unique profession to hit on women. One of those women is Alyssa (Charity Jordan), a tour guide who leads haunted tours through New Orleans. Ben, being a man of science, doesn't believe in ghosts but he still falls hard for Alyssa and the two end up getting married at some point, we don't see that part. What we do see is that Alyssa is no longer with us, a mystery that will be unsatisfyingly resolved later in the film, and Ben is floundering. Having given up all aspects of his previous life, Ben now leads Alyssa's tours while drunk and being entirely uninterested in indulging and any notions of ghosts being real. 

Ben's trajectory is altered forever by the arrival of Father Kent (Owen Wilson). Kent knows Ben by reputation. He knows that Ben had, years earlier, invented a camera that could theoretically, take pictures of the dead. He has a job for Ben. A single mother, Gabbie (Rosario Dawson), has moved into a decrepit mansion on the outskirts of New Orleans. Gabbie, and her son, Travis (Chase W. Dillon), are also dealing with the fairly recent loss of Travis' father, a loss that neither mother or son has fully processed. The parallel of both Ben and Gabbie having lost someone is used as something of a shorthand to bring them together as love interests but the love story feels rushed and forced. 

That's the thing about Haunted Mansion, I am this far into this review and I haven't mentioned any ghosts. That's because none of the ghosts or scares in Haunted Mansion are very memorable. Jamie Lee Curtis is perhaps the most interesting of the spooks. She plays a dead psychic who was killed and her spirit was trapped inside of a crystal ball. The visual of Curtis's head in the crystal ball isn't bad but its not very elaborate. It's fine, like far too much of Haunted Mansion is fine, it's there, it exists, but it doesn't have much of anything interesting about it. 

The big bad of Haunted Mansion is the Hat Box ghost, played by Jared Leto. The Hat Box Ghost is a remarkably weak villain. The ghost's real name is Crump and the lame comparisons between Crump and Donald Trump are not stated out loud but are very clear. It's a lame non-joke, clearly intended but not well executed at all. It stands out as a bad idea because Leto's performance as Hatbox Ghost is half-hearted at best. The same can be said of the weak CGI look of the character which is scarier in a single drawing by a sketch artist in the movie than it ever is alive and moving around in Haunted Mansion. 

Incidentally, the Police sketch artist in Haunted Mansion is played by Hasan Minaj, a very funny man who is wasted in a nothing performance. Minaj is there to skeptically poke fun at Stanfield and Devito's claims about a ghost and he's offscreen in less than 3 minutes. And, Minaj isn't the biggest waste of talent in Haunted Mansion. Dan Levy and Winona Ryder both make appearances in Haunted Mansion and you are left to wonder if they owed someone a favor and that favor was being in this movie. Levy, one of the most dynamic comic personalities working today gets less than 2 minutes of screentime and his outfit is funnier than anything his character does. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review: Zookeeper

Zookeeper (2011) 

Directed by Frank Coraci

Written by Nick Bakay, Rock Reuben, Kevin James, Jay Sherick, David Ronn

Starring Kevin James, Sylvester Stallone, Rosario Dawson, Leslie Bibb, Nick Nolte, Cher

Release Date July 8th, 2011

Published July 7th, 2011

Kevin James is a big, lovable teddy bear of a guy who is hard not to root for. That appeal comes in handy in a movie like Zookeeper which indicates from its premise that critics should really hate it. The premise has James talking with zoo animals who give him advice about his love life. So... yeah, that's actually the premise. 

To be fair to my profession, the most recent examples of humans talking with animals include such dreadful films as Dr. Doolittle 1 & 2 with Eddie Murphy, a pair of Alvin & the Chipmunk debacles and Hop. History would seem to dictate that Zookeeper should be brutal. That it is far from brutal, indeed it's modestly enjoyable is quite something.

Hilarious Heartbreak

Griffin (James) is in love with Stephanie (Leslie Bibb) but unfortunately she can't love a modest zookeeper. Too bad she tells him this after he pops the question in an elaborate romantic gesture, a terrifically funny scene exceptionally well played by Kevin James who earns our sympathy right off the bat.

Cut to five years later and Griffin is thinking of leaving the zoo to work at his brother Dave's (Nat Faxon) exotic car shop. When the zoo animals get wind of their favorite zookeeper thinking of leaving the finally reveal that they can talk. The reveal on the animals talking is another great scene from James who reacts as someone likely should react when animals begin speaking to them only funnier.

Animals Can Talk

In order to convince Griffin to stay the zoo animals come up with a plan to teach him how to win Stephanie back. Again, you will be surprised how often you laugh during these scenes as James goes all out throwing himself into all sorts of physical gags as he works to make us laugh.

The animal voice cast includes Sylvester Stallone and Cher as Lions, Adam Sandler, doing one of his irritating voices as a monkey, Maya Rudolf as a giraffe and most surprisingly, Nick Nolte as TGIFriday's loving gorilla. Nolte is a wonderfully strange choice who infuses even the goofiest scene with unnecessary vocal gravitas.

If You Liked Paul Blart...

Zookeeper has no right to be as funny as it is but then again neither did Kevin James's last lead comic performance in Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Both films look dreadful on the surface but watching them, I was caught off guard by the number of times Kevin James made me laugh.

No other actor in Hollywood works harder to make an audience laugh. Most of the time when an actor desperately tries to make you laugh they fail, it's all too obvious and desperate. James however, brings sweetness to his desperation that makes him sympathetic.

Of course, Zookeeper is not going to win any Oscars and likely won't remember any of it in a couple days but while watching it I laughed a great deal more than I expected to. Kevin James is a funny, sweet and hard working guy that you just can't help but root for even as you wish he weren't in a talking animal movie.

Movie Review: Eagle Eye

Eagle Eye (2008) 

Directed by D.J Caruso 

Written by John Glenn, Travis Adam Wright, Hillary Seitz

Starring Shia LeBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson, Michael Chiklis, Anthony Mackie

Release Date September 26th, 2008

Published September 25th, 2008

Director D.J Caruso has had a strange career. He debuted with a funky modern noir character piece called The Salton Sea. He followed that brilliant indie feature with a braindead studio flick, Taking Lives, with Angelina Jolie and Ethan Hawke. He followed that with another piece of junk, the Matthew McConaughey-Al Pacino thriller Two For The Money.

Then Caruso remade Hitchcock's Rear Window with a modern twist and Disturbia returned the talent of the guy who made The Salton Sea. Now, reteamed with Disturbia star Shia LeBeouf, Caruso has taken another step back. With the chase movie junk of Eagle Eye, Caruso demonstrates a talent for blowing stuff up with a nihilists eye for consequence.

Jerry Shaw (LeBeouf) is something of a loser. Though he had opportunities, like a full ride to Stanford, he blew them off to become a copy technician in Chicago. One day Jerry hears that his twin brother has passed away. The brother was a military genius with a top secret job that neither Jerry or his parents knew anything about.

Days after his brothers death, Jerry's once empty bank account begins spilling cash on the street in front of him. The euphoria lasts until he arrives home and finds a large weapons cache awaiting him. A mysterious woman's voice on the phone tells him he has been activated and has 1 minute to get out of the apartment. He is captured by the FBI lead by Agent Morgan (Billy Bob Thornton).

While in custody that mysterious voice somehow ends up on his one phone call and once again Jerry is given a chance to escape. Meanwhile, a woman named Rachel Holloman is told by that same mysterious voice that her son will die if she doesn't get in a car and pick up Jerry. These two strangers are now pawns in a game of nationwide terror and can only follow orders to stay alive.

The plot of Eagle Eye is mousetrap efficient. The stakes are set and the players are put in place with proper motivations. The failing of Eagle Eye comes in not knowing what to do once all the pieces are ready to fall into place. The unfortunate fallback position of director D.J Caruso are a series of ever increasingly violent car chases.

These characters, their plight, could be interesting if the writers and director had serious intentions and an over arching point of view. But they don't. What they have is a plot on which to stage a series of car chases that at one point take on the comic pose of The Blues Brothers with nameless, faceless Chicago cop cars getting, flipped, flopped and smashed with little regard for the cops inside.

Shia LeBeouf has a tremendous talent for bringing the audience inside his character's troubles. We identify with him quickly because he is not the most handsome, or the biggest, or buffest action hero. He is street smart and witty and not every solution he invents actually works. He brings to Jerry Shaw the same qualities he brought to his hero in Disturbia and Transformers, a sense of awe of the situation he is in.

So often action movies or thrillers have characters who quickly adapt to the most outlandish circumstance. Not LeBeouf who allows himself to look and be out of his depth. It is a seeming lack of ego that endears him to audiences. Now, there are a few moments in Eagle Eye that force him to be a little more adept than your average person, but not for long and LeBeouf smoothes it over with good humor and a sly wink.

The script for Eagle Eye lets LeBeouf down by not giving his character more of an inner life. Jerry reacts to everything around him very well but the why behind his plight is weak. Eagle Eye wants to be about paranoia, technological emperialism, and big brother government. Those ideas are there in small bites but the overall purpose of Eagle is chase scene carnage.

There was an opportunity for Eagle Eye to be a modern techno thriller with a brain. D.J Caruso has that kind of talent. Sadly, Caruso has coopted his talent to the mainstream movie audience and now only delivers hyper-adrenalized, highly stylized, violence that measures on the Michael Bay scale. The funk is there in Eagle Eye, in the performance of Shia LeBeouf and the slightly offbeat energy of Billy Bob Thornton, but it is overwhelmed by mindless carnage.

Movie Review Sidewalks of New York

Sidewalks of New York (2001) 

Directed by Ed Burns 

Written by Ed Burns 

Starring Ed Burns, Rosario Dawson, Heather Graham, Brittany Murphy, Stanley Tucci

Release Date November 21st, 2001 

Published February 3rd, 2002 

Sidewalks is the story of interconnected New Yorkers being interviewed for the same documentary on sex and relationships. Ed Burns is a TV executive who is newly single and living with his boss played by Dennis Farina who in turn meets a divorcee played by Rosario Dawson. David Krumholz plays Dawson's ex-husband who is attempting to woo a waitress played by Brittany Murphy. Murphy's waitress is also seeing a married man played by Stanley Tucci who's married to Heather Graham who's a real estate agent showing apartments to Ed Burns character.

Once were introduced to the characters they set about on a series of mundanities meant to be insightful about relationships, fidelity, and sex but it's all really hot air from a bunch of characters so self centered it's amazing they have time for relationships with anyone else. Burns' relationship with Dawson is particularly insignificant, with two dates, sex and that's it. We have just witnessed the least interesting relationship in each character's lives, and only at the end does the director try to make the relationship something worth caring about. The gimmick is cheap and obviously only in the film to provide the relationship with significance.

The biggest problem with Sidewalks of New York is its documentary gimmick which is both confusing and unnecessary. Confusing because the documentary camera never stops filming, which doesn't jibe with the characters who are called on not to notice they are on camera unless they are performing their testimonials. The gimmick becomes even more confusing when you try to figure out how the documentary filmmakers just happen to catch the first meeting of 3 of the couples. Was it luck and why didn't they notice they were on camera? Why does the camera follow Burns on his search for an apartment when the documentary is about relationships? And if those scenes weren't actually a part of the documentary, why do we still have to put up with the documentary style shaky cam?

Sidewalks of New York is a complete mess and a sad misstep for the very talented Burns whose two previous films, The Brothers McMullan and She's The One treated the same relationship turf as Sidewalks but with more insight and realism. Burns should consider going back to his humble roots and leave the talkative uptown New Yorkers to Woody Allen.

Movie Review Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Percy Jackson and the Olympians The Lightning Thief (2010) 

Directed by Chris Columbus

Written by Craig Titley 

Starring Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnan, Steve Coogan, Rosario Dawson, Catherine Keener, Uma Thurman 

Release Date February 12th, 2010

Published February 11th, 2010 

All Percy Jackson needs is a little forehead scar to complete the shadow of Harry Potter that lurks all throughout this unexceptional effort to craft another teen appeal sequel machine. Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, based on a popular series of novels from an author achingly jealous of the millions raked in by J.K Rowling, even goes so far as to hire former Potter director Chris Columbus just to make sure you don't miss the connection.

Logan Lerman is the titular Percy Jackson, a gap model good looking kid rendered a nerd for the purpose of making him relatable. As we join the story Percy and his pal Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) are sitting by the pool waiting for the plot to kick in. When it finally does, Percy finds out that he is a demi-god, the long abandoned son of the god Poseidon (Kevin McKidd from TV's Grey's Anatomy).

This is revealed to Percy after one of his teacher’s morphs into a bat-winged demon and tries to kill him for stealing Zeus's lightning bolt. Zeus is played by that master of stern blandness Sean Bean (Lord of the Rings). Zeus's bolt is the most powerful force in the universe and somehow he has allowed it to be stolen by a kid who can hardly pass a 10th grade lit class. This does not speak well of the Gods.

The embarrassment and anger is likely to lead to a war of the gods unless Percy, Grover and Percy's assigned love interest, fellow demi-god Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario), can find the bolt and the thief and return them to Mt. Olympus which for tourism purposes is located in the Empire State Building.

At least J.K Rowling had the inventiveness to create her own world from scratch in Harry Potter, Percy Jackson rips the work of hundreds of years for its remarkably dull characters. Drawing on centuries of stories about the gods and their offspring, the story of Percy Jackson as adapted by Craig Titley from Rick Riordan's unexceptional book series, manages to be dull about characters with unlimited powers and astonishing back stories.

Then again, this is only the introduction. Percy Jackson is set to be a film series and thus all that is required here is a primer on Percy and the other lead characters including the aforementioned gods, best friend, love interest and Pierce Brosnan as, arguably, the most dignified half-man half horse in film history.

Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on Percy Jackson, the Olympians and the lightning thief. It is, like so many modern studio features, merely a sequel machine meant to pump out just enough plot for us to come back next time. Why should anyone really ask anymore from a film with such a limited goal?

Sure, J.K Rowling and her film partners have taken her work and enhanced and enriched it on screen with each subsequent film to the point where the film work is as grand as or even grander than it is on the page. But why should every movie have to have such aspiration, especially when modern audiences don't seem to require that much hard work.

Ah, Percy; for a compromised rip-off teen friendly franchise you're not so bad.

Movie Review Seven Pounds

Seven Pounds (2008) 

Directed by Gabriele Muccino 

Written by Grant Nieporte 

Starring Will Smith, Rosario Dawson, Barry Pepper, Michael Ealy, Woody Harrelson 

Release Date December 19th, 2008

Published December 18th, 2008

It took me maybe 20 minutes into Seven Pounds before I figured out exactly where the plot of this Will Smith weepie was headed. Predictability often is an inescapable sin for mainstream filmmakers and I try to be understanding. In the case of Seven Pounds, director Gabrielle Mucchino must have realized he had a predictability problem because halfway through the movie the predictable 'mystery' portion of the movie falls to the background and a sweet well observed romance emerges.

Will Smith stars in Seven Pounds as Ben Thomas, an IRS Agent with a deep, dark secret. Ben did something that he feels he must atone for and thus sets out to change the lives of seven strangers. Using his IRS credentials, Ben identifies a few desperate souls and sets about stalking them to see if they are worthy of the massive favor he is going to do for them.

Along the way Ben meets  Emily (Rosario Dawson) , a heart patient desperately in need of a transplant. She also owes the IRS a ton of money. After observing her, Ben decides to help her and in the process he falls in love. Ah, but don't forget that deep dark secret that will have to be dealt with before you can even imagine finding some happy ending.

I won't spoil the secrets for you. It won't take you long to figure out the secret for yourself but it nevertheless is crucial to the story for the secret to remain a secret here. I can tell you that I found the secret implausible on top of being highly predictable.

Barry Pepper takes on the role of Ben's best friend Dan. He is crucial to Ben's plans but his motivation for doing the important things he does is terribly lacking. There is simply no logical basis for Dan doing what he does and his actions undermine the drama and what I am sure was supposed to be a mystery and a revelation.

The plot of Seven Pounds fails in its logic and underlying plausibility but it succeeds in creating good characters. Will Smith dials down the Big Willy charisma and in so doing crafts a quiet, gentle, graceful performance. He sparks tremendous chemistry with Rosario Dawson and their romance is the one element of Seven Pounds that really works.

If you are a BIG fan of Will Smith you might like Seven Pounds. If not, skip it.

Movie Review: Unstoppable

Unstoppable (2010) 

Directed by Tony Scott 

Written by Mark Bomback 

Starring Denzel Washington, Chris Pine, Ethan Suplee, Rosario Dawson 

Release Date November 12th, 2010 

Published November 11th, 2010 

“Unstoppable” is the classic mousetrap thriller. Set up, execution and payoff are so swift and efficient that it is nearly impossible to find fault. Director Tony Scott nails every element of “Unstoppable” from the relentless trouble of the train to the casting of mega-star Denzel Washington and up and comer Chris Pine to the elegant, low tech action finale. It’s not Shakespeare but as clapboard thrillers go, “Unstoppable” is pretty awesome.

In Western Pennsylvania Will (Chris Pine) is sleeping on his brother’s couch after a mistake separates him from his wife and child via restraining order. On the bright side, he has a brand new union job as a train conductor. It’s his first day and all he has to do is watch while a veteran Frank (Denzel Washington) shows him the ropes.

Meanwhile, in a train yard on the opposite end of the line a perfect storm of mistakes is unfolding. A dopey yard employee, Dewey (Ethan Suplee), was only supposed to move a train out of the way, a seemingly simple task, one that he’s done before. This time however, Dewey does absolutely everything wrong.

Having forgotten to switch tracks, Dewey jumps off the moving locomotive to hit the switch. While he’s doing this, the train kicks into high gear and takes off without a driver. Now, there is an 80 mile per hour unmanned missile rolling down the tracks. Along the same track is a train filled with kids on a field trip as well as Will and Frank.

I almost forgot to mention that the train cars are filled with toxic chemicals likely to explode if ignited say in a crash. Oh, and there is this giant curve in the track that is not all that far from Will’s wife’s apartment, a curve that an unmanned train going close to 80 MPH will not make. The only solution will involve Will and Frank having to tie their train to the out of control train and drag it to a stop, all at high speed.

If that doesn’t sound like fun to you then clearly you don’t like high adrenaline thrills. “Unstoppable” is a movie for thrill junkies who like big jolting action scenes, loud explosions where stuff ‘blows up good,’ and Denzel Washington in action hero mode. How do you not love this? What kind of person are you?

“Unstoppable” is one of the most unashamedly fun action movies to come along since the last time Denzel Washington teamed with director Tony Scott on the Subway thriller “The Taking of Pelham 123.” Where that film took its fun from John Travolta’s ham-tastic bad guy performance and Denzel’s ferocious everyman charisma, “Unstoppable’s” ham is the train and the way director Tony Scott treats it more like some snarling, escaped animal than as a train.

You may have seen in the trailer for “Unstoppable” a scene where police seem to be firing high powered weapons at the train. That was not an optical illusion; there really is a scene where police shoot at a moving train. There is some kind of explanation but the movie doesn’t linger on it. Rather, Tony Scott seems to enjoy the goofiness of this almost as much as we do.

“Unstoppable” is said to be loosely based on a true story but who cares. You aren’t seeing “Unstoppable” for some documentary recreation of events; you’re seeing “Unstoppable” for Denzel Washington and Captain Kirk battling a snarling beast that happens to be an out of control locomotive. Throw in the wild, over the top bombast of director Tony Scott with his swinging camera and bizarre color palette and you have a recipe for pure, adrenaline fueled fun.

Pardon my pull quote but “Unstoppable” is “Unstoppable” fun. Ha!

Movie Review Grindhouse

Grindhouse (2007) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarentino 

Written by Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarentino'

Starring Rose McGowan, Freddie Rodriguez, Kurt Russell, Tracy Toms, Zoe Bell, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Release Date April 6th, 2007

Published April 5th, 2007

Director Robert Rodriguez knows a little something about high camp. His Spy Kids movies, earnest as they were, often drifted across the line from family comedy to high camp gobbledygook. The same could be said for portions of his cult vampire flick From Dusk Till Dawn; a film that wavers between horror and high camp Roger Corman feature.

For his latest feature, half of the Grindhouse double feature, Planet Terror Rodriguez takes camp well beyond Roger Corman's wildest dreams. This off the charts nutty sci fi zombie flick flies so far off the rails, in terms of camp kitsch, that it's difficult to tell if his attempt is at homage or parody.

An ex-military unit, just back from Iraq unleashes a deadly toxin that turns citizens into flesh eating zombies in Planet Terror, Robert Rodriguez's contribution to the Grindhouse double feature. Rose McGowan stars as Cherry Darling, a go go dancer who aspires to be a stand up comic. Freddy Rodriguez is her ex-beau El Wray, a former sniper turned criminal. Somehow both Cherry and El Wray are resistant to the zombie toxin and with a small band of survivors set out to battle the military behind the attack.

That is a rather straightforward description of a not very straight forward effort. From interviews you get the impression that Robert Rodriguez intends to pay tribute to the low budget sci fi trash that he grew up watching. However, much of Planet Terror plays like bad parody in the vein of 2004's forgotten Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, another lame attempt at a sci fi send-up.

There are a few cool things about Planet Terror Planet, the coolest being Rose McGowan's kick ass M-16 leg. After Cherry is attacked by zombies and loses a leg El Wray first fashions a table leg, which she puts to good violent use. However, later she gets another new leg and this one has awesome firepower and makes for one very cool visual.

The rest of McGowan's performance is a relative disaster of overly arch delivery and poorly delivered punchlines. The trailers for Grindhouse played up the gun leg and the badass action elements of her performance. Watching Planet Terror you may be quite surprised how ineffectual and often in the background Ms. McGowan is.

The badass of the movie is the slight, babyfaced Freddy Rodriguez. Not the most likely action star, Freddy Rodriguez is actually an inspired bit of casting. Back in the day when this type of low budget flick was made, directors could rarely get the actor they wanted for the money they could play and often ended up with miscast leads. Rodriguez as a bad boy action stud is a cute little inside joke nod to those low budget days.

The troubles of Planet Terror fall squarely with director Robert Rodriguez who fails to establish a consistent tone of sincere homage or high camp send up. There are little touches that work, like the small role for legendary special effects man Tom Savini and the occasional use of his old school effects rather than CGI.Then there is plenty that doesn't work like most of Rose McGowan's performance and the film's many gross out moments which are so stomach turning disgusting that many will want to walk out. These gross out moments further muddy the waters of Robert Rodriguez's intentions with Planet Terror, the homage versus parody battle that unsettles the entire picture. Some of the gross out is funny; some is merely off putting.

When compared with the film it shares the double bill with, Quentin Tarentino's Death Proof, Planet Terror is an utter disaster. Where Tarentino provides sincere homage combined with highly skilled filmmaking, Rodriguez can't decide what he's doing and ends up just tossing anything and everything at the screen to see what sticks.

When it comes to Grindhouse, wait for the DVD. That way you can skip Planet Terror and just watch Death Proof.

Quentin Tarentino is the preeminent film artist of the modern era. A savant like talent who learned filmmaking by watching movies, Tarentino has turned applied knowledge into great art and even now in his tortured partnership with Robert Rodriguez on the twin bill Grindhouse, Tarentino takes his applied knowledge of low filmmaking and turns it into yet another masters class in filmmaking.

Death Proof is an homage to a certain kind of 1970's drive in slasher movie that is actually still being made today on the fringes of the straight to video biz. The film stars Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike, a Hollywood stuntman well past his prime.

With the advent of CGI guys like Stuntman Mike are a dying breed and you can hear the resentment in his voice as he recounts his history in the business, back in the day when he was a double for Lee Majors! He still works from time to time but he knows that his days are numbered.

It is this resentment that may explain, in some odd way, why Mike takes his anger out on unsuspecting women. Luring them into his tricked out stunt car which he claims is death proof, Stuntman Mike intentionally crashes the car and kills his passenger. The car is only death proof if you're in the driver's seat.

Setting his sights on a verbose group of women in a bar, a radio DJ and her three friends, Stuntman Mike first seems like just another creepy patron hitting on younger girls. When they end up rejecting his advances he takes it out on them in a horrifying car chase.

Then the scene shifts to a diner in Tennessee where four different women; working on a film crew, are sitting around discussing movies and men. Abbie (Rosario Dawson) is the makeup girl, Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and Kim (Tracie Toms) and Zoe (Zoe Bell) are stunt women.

Zoe is visiting and has heard that a local man is selling a 1970 Dodge Challenger, just like the one Barry Newman drove in the movie Vanishing Point, pristine condition, right down to the color and the four barrel engine. Zoe wants a test drive and something more. Little do the girls know that Stuntman Mike is nearby and wants a piece of the action.

That scene leads to one of the greatest car chases you have ever seen in a movie. Tarentino's filmmaking skills create a visceral, emotional, physical experience. These chases are as good as his dialogue which is, as usual, dense and filled to overflow with pop culture bacchanalia.

The characters in the first half of Death Proof, aside from Stuntman Mike, are a verbose and intelligent lot who have interesting, involving conversations that sound mighty familiar. Peppered with references to the Acuna Boys (Kill Bill), foot massages (Pulp Fiction) and Red Apple Cigarettes (every Tarentino film), these conversations are so inside baseball they could make Kevin Smith Blush.

I'm not saying that Death Proof is for Tarentino fans only, it just deepens the experience if you get the references. This is a terrifically smart and entertaining and exciting movie regardless of whether you are a Tarentino fan. Besides, the chase scenes are essentially wordless and are the most entertaining and invigorating part of the film.

Everything about Death Proof works. This is among the best works of Tarentino's career and one of the best movies you will see in 2007.

Movie Review: Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday (2002) 

Directed by Edward Burns

Written by Edward Burns 

Starring Edward Burns, Elijah Wood, Rosario Dawson, Oliver Platt 

Release Date October 11th, 2002 

Published December 16th, 2002 

One of the holiest of Catholic holidays, Ash Wednesday is celebrated as the beginning of Lent. The ashes anointed on the head of the believer is a reminder that we are born of dust and will one day return to dust. Essentially, it's a reminder of death. The perfect metaphor for Edward Burns’ new feature Ash Wednesday. A film that is a meditation on life and death and the choices people make that lead to death. Though the filmmaking is somewhat misguided, its heart is in the right place.

Ash Wednesday, written, directed by and starring Burns is Francis, a former Irish mob thug turned reformed citizen after the supposed death of his brother Sean (Elijah Wood). It was 1980 in a part of New York known as Hell's Kitchen. Sean Sullivan was tending bar when he overheard a group of men talking over the murder of Sean's brother. Sensing the men meant business, Sean does the only thing he can think of to save his brother and murders the group. 

Conspiring with his brother, their priest Father Mahoney (James Handy), and their father’s mob partner Whitey (Malachy McCourt), Sean is smuggled out of the state and his death is faked to satisfy the families of the men he killed. Unfortunately, Sean leaves behind a wife played by Rosario Dawson, and an unborn son he does not know of. Three years pass and Francis has been spending time with Sean's wife until Sean pops up unannounced to claim her and take her away with him. Sean is unaware of his brother's actions. The rumors of Sean's return from the grave spread quickly and the family of the men Sean killed lead by Oliver Platt (in what amounts to a cameo, though he's on the poster) immediately come looking for Francis and a fight.

Once the indie wunderkind who went from intern on Entertainment Tonight to writer-director with his first feature The Brothers McMullan, Ed Burns has been on a steady decline since his charming debut. His most recent film was the highly uneven Woody Allen homage Sidewalks Of New York. Before that the unnoticed No Looking Back. The quality of Burns' work has slipped with each outing and Ash Wednesday continues the decline.

Though the film has its moments of purity and intelligence, Burns' performance, along with that of his woefully miscast co-star Elijah Wood, undoes any interesting elements the film has. Burns is excessively laid back for the character he is portraying, a killer with a conscience. To convince anyone he was a conflicted killer Burns would have to show us he has a pulse, show us that he actually cares. However, even during the few scenes of gunplay Burns maintains a disaffected air that is off-putting to the audience and undermining of the character.

As for Wood, his wistful looks make him about the least believable killer since Julia Roberts shot that guy in The Mexican. I honestly expected him to drop the gun and start crying. I'm not commenting on Wood's masculinity, I'm speaking solely of his performance which is dewy eyed, whiny, and deeply unconvincing for what the character is called upon to do. 

There are good things about Ash Wednesday, specifically the performance of Rosario Dawson who in a very limited role manages to earn audience sympathies while saddled with subpar dialogue. Also good is the film’s score, a piano driven dirge that reinforces the gloom that rises from the crime ridden streets.

The truly disappointing part of Ash Wednesday is it's ending, which is meant to be emotional and cathartic, but is instead insultingly obvious.

Movie Review: Alexander

Alexander (2004) 

Directed by Oliver Stone 

Written by Oliver Stone, Laeta Kalogridis 

Starring Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Jared Leto, Rosario Dawson, Anthony Hopkins

Release Date November 24th, 2004

Published November 23rd, 2004 

If Aaron Spelling had made a movie about Alexander The Great, it might sound a lot like the one Oliver Stone has just pushed into theaters: A breathy, overcooked melodrama of hot-blooded hardbodies falling in and out of bed in between fighting wars. Oliver Stone's Alexander is a big budget bio-pic that would feel more at home as a trashy TV movie than as a potential Oscar nominee.

Some 300 years before the birth of Christ, one man ruled most of planet Earth before his 32nd birthday. Alexander the Great, the son of King Phillip of Macedonia (Val Kilmer) and Queen Olympias (Angelina Jolie), was never supposed to be king. Because of a feud between his mother and father, Alexander was caught in the midst of a power struggle that leads to his father's murder and suspicion that his mother may have arranged the killing. 

Regardless of how he rose to power, once Alexander took power, he lead his charges to the ends of the world conquering and civilizing all barbarian tribes along the way. His story is marked with the deaths of thousands, but history is written by the victors which may be why Alexander is remembered as a benevolent conqueror who maintained palaces and people in power even after defeating their military forces on the battlefield.

Watching Stone's take on the life of Alexander would leave you to believe that Alexander's bloodiest battles were with his own top advisors, none of whom shared his vision of Asia as part of the Macedonian empire. Alexander's men simply wanted the riches of Asia to take back to Greece or the kingdom of Babylon, but Alexander -- a regular 4th century Jesse Jackson -- wanted a rainbow coalition of subjects who would help him rule the world and mix all the races of man; a regular united colors of Benetton style conqueror. 

Yes, according to Stone, Alexander was a champion of civil rights who even took a Persian wife, Roxana (Rosario Dawson), to placate his new Persian subjects. Alexander was also a champion of gay rights as well often sharing a same-sex canoodle with slaves of various ethnicities and sharing an especially close relationship with one of his top generals, Hephaistos (Jared Leto). The two soldiers never consummate the relationship on screen but it's clear from the dewy-eyed gazes and quivery-voiced declarations that if it wouldn't hurt the box office they might have hopped into bed.

Colin Farrell has played sexually confused man-child before, in the indie A Home At The End Of The World. However, there is a big difference between a broken home teenager searching for a family and an identity and the man who united the kingdoms of man before his 32nd birthday. If you want to play the character gay, that's fine, but do it with more depth than whiny schoolgirl stares and grandiloquent speeches whose only weight comes from the fact that they are delivered with an accent.

What happened to the fire that Colin Farrell used to carry him through his best performance in Tigerland? The fire that made him a logical choice for mega-stardom? Somewhere in the making of Alexander, that fire was replaced by the petulant longings of a dewy-eyed manchild. With his childish mood swings, it's hard to believe that this guy could have conquered his mother’s bedroom let alone the known world. I don't need Alexander to be John Wayne but a little butching up couldn't hurt. 

As for his mother, Jolie's performance provides the film’s only entertaining moments; not for her eloquent line readings or smoldering presence but rather the campy Joan Collins-style overacting she employs. Her every scene reminded me of the behind the scenes scheming that Collins made so deliciously goofy on Dynasty. Kilmer is no John Forsythe but he can bite into the scenery with the best of them and here he's a regular Jeremy Irons, absolutely chewing the walls.

Oliver Stone has always been prone to excess, but even by his standards, Alexander is a little much. His ego is way out in front of his storytelling here and what should be an epic feels more like an exercise of Stone's ability to raise large amounts of studio capital to feed his massive ego. A true disaster, Alexander will be remembered on Oscar night only as the subject of one of Chris Rock's biting monologue punchlines. 

Movie Review Shattered Glass

Shattered Glass (2003) 

Directed by Billy Ray 

Written by Billy Ray 

Starring Hayden Christensen, Peter Sarsgard, Chloe Sevigny, Rosario Dawson, Hank Azaria, Steve Zahn

Release Date October 31st, 2003 

Published October 30th, 2003 

The New Republic magazine prides itself as the in-flight magazine of Air Force One. Its pretentiousness has been earned by years of literate intelligent discourse on policy and international politics. Appreciate their perspective or not, you have to respect that they get into these subjects that so many average Americans think are boring.

So it was a huge black eye for the storied magazine to find out one of its writers had faked numerous stories. If there is one cardinal sin in journalism, it's lying, and Stephen Glass lied on a scale that dwarfs the lies of your average tabloid rag. The story of Glass's lies and how he was finally caught are the subject of the adroit and fascinating film Shattered Glass.

Hayden Christensen stars as Glass, the youngest writer on a staff whose median age is 26 years old. The 22-year-old Glass is a rising star with a habit of looking into fantastic stories. The stories occasionally raise suspicions but the puppy dog sweetness of Glass disarms co-workers who couldn't believe Steve would make up such a story. For the most part Stephen's stories check out, he has detailed notes and phone numbers from his subjects. Those subjects can tend to be unwieldy for fact checkers, but there is enough verifiable truth to what Stephen reports that the stories go through.

As the film progresses there is a very subtle shift of focus from the character Stephen Glass to the uncovering of Glass's deception, seen through the eyes of Peter Sarsgaard's New Republic Editor Chuck Lane. The shift is signaled almost unconsciously through scenes of Glass working late to cover his lies and Lane at home with his wife and daughter. These scenes allow the audience to choose sides without feeling bad for abandoning poor Stephen.

Coming to the story with a good knowledge of what Stephen Glass did and the type of person he is (his appearance on 60 Minutes earlier this year was the tip of the iceberg as to his serial compulsion toward hiding the truth), I never felt much of any sympathy for Glass. Thus, I came to Shattered Glass with my mind made up about the man and his crimes. There are however many people willing to like Glass as he's portrayed by the gifted Hayden Christensen. His Stephen Glass is a seemingly sweet natured glad hander who remembers everybody's birthday and offers to help you move without being asked.

I read another reviewer who was familiar with the real life players and who thought the film built up Chuck Lane as more pious than he ever truly was. I would disagree with that assessment in the context of the film. Perhaps the reviewer is too close to the real situation to consider the film. Lane as played by Peter Sarsgaard is merely a put-upon editor who happens to have a serious breach of journalistic ethics thrust in his lap. 

He rightfully despises Glass and his crimes and scenes early in the film establish the two characters at odds from the beginning. Personality-wise, it's not hard for me to dislike the serial glad-handing Glass and his childish reaction to anything critical. The character of Chuck Lane communicates a similar dislike throughout the film that makes angry outbursts near the end of the film nearly as personal as professional.

Few films have shone such a clear light on the journalistic process. How a piece goes from the reporter to the page and exactly how flawed that process can be if abused. First time director Billy Ray tells his story on two levels, getting to know the character of Stephen Glass and also showing us the behind the scenes action at a magazine. If only for a moment, it makes you consider all that goes into your favorite magazines.

What really stays with you after the film however is the performances of Hayden Christensen and Peter Sarsgaard, who perfectly inhabit their opposing characters. Christensen brings an almost creepy quality to the sweetness that so many people liked about the real Stephen Glass. That creepiness makes it that much easier to dislike him, and is important for audience members who don't understand how he did such a horrible thing. Sarsgaard, despite what others might say, never makes Chuck Lane into a journalistic crusader for ethics. He's a journalist and editor who is doing the right thing and has a righteous outrage toward Glass for the serious damage he did to the credibility of a magazine that made its reputation on credibility.

As a debut behind the camera, Billy Ray shows he knows how to tell a compelling story. His visual style doesn't leave much to the memory but this is a character piece and as such, it succeeds marvelously. Shattered Glass is one of the year’s best films.

Movie Review: Clerks 2

Clerks 2 (2006) 

Directed by Kevin Smith

Written by Kevin Smith 

Starring Brian O'Halloran, Kevin Anderson, Rosario Dawson, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Schwalbach Smith

Release Date July 21st, 2006 

Published July 20th, 2006 

I am a huge Kevin Smith fan. I own all of his movies, have listened to the DVD commentaries, I even loved Jersey Girl! So maybe I am not the most objective person to review Clerks 2. Dante and Randal, the lead characters of the original Clerks, are like old friends of mine because of the many repeat viewings of that film and revisiting them is like seeing old friends after a longtime away.

Nevertheless, it is my job to review movies and that provides me the pleasure of once again indulging in the pop culture literate, bathroom humor and far out scatology of my old friend, whom I've never met, Kevin Smith.

In Clerks, Dante (Brian O'Halloran) and Randal (Kevin Anderson) had a very eventful day at work at the Kwik Stop and adjoining video store, and Dante wasn't even supposed to be there that day. They played hockey on the roof, sold cigarettes' to minors, a guy died in the bathroom, and Dante broke up with his loving girlfriend Veronica to go back to his old girlfriend Caitlin and lost her when she accidentally screwed the aforementioned dead guy in the bathroom; she thought he was Dante.

10 years later, Dante and Randal are still working at the stores. That is until they find the building burned to the ground in an accident likely to have been Randal's fault. Months later the boys are not exactly better off. Having accepted work at Moobies fast food restaurant; they remain underappreciated wage slaves wasting their lives.

Things may be turning around for Dante. He has decided to marry his new girlfriend Emma (Jennifer Shwalbach Smith) and she has in turn promised him financial security in Florida courtesy of her father. Facing the loss of his closest, really his only friend, Randal decides to make Dante's last day in Jersey memorable or convince him not to leave at all.

Dante may have another reason, aside from Randal, not to leave Jersey. His boss Becky (Rosario Dawson) and he, have been carrying on a hot flirtation that includes at least one passionate tryst in the kitchen after closing time. Becky is sad to see Dante go and makes this clear in one of the films many flights of fancy, an all out, cast wide musical number set to the Jackson 5's ABC.

In the fantasy world of Kevin Smith that has made room for angels and god and actors who play several different characters within the same sphere of people; who can begrudge a giant musical number. It's a bit of a stretch, especially since the original Clerks was grounded in reality, but its such a joyous and lively choreographed number I can forgive the loss of realism.

Its even easier to forgive once the film gets back to its own manufactured reality and begins to give new life to these beloved characters. The relationship between Dante and Randal is mined for great comedy and in the end a little pathos and love. Like Jay and Silent Bob, Dante and Randal are heterosexual life partners, forever entwined in each others lives and we want nothing more than to see them together forever, in a totally not gay way.

Admittedly, much of Clerks 2 plays like Kevin Smith's greatest hits. The scatology, the pop culture references, an argument involving Star Wars and Jay and Silent Bob holding up the walls, all of this is crammed into Clerks 2. And yet, despite the been there done that vibe, these characters are so fun and the humor so strong that who cares that it's all a little too familiar.

My favorite scene in the film is one that many might consider the most played out and predictable. Randal and new Moobies co-worker Elias (Trevor Fehrman) along with a customer played by former Alias cast member Kevin Weisman get into a debate over the merits of Star Wars vs Lord of the Rings. Kevin Anderson nails this scene in typical Randal fashion making salient points about arguably the most meaningless things.

Again, I am not the right critic to review Kevin Smith's work. I am an apologist and an unabashed fan of his work and I forgive him almost anything. Even I can see the cracks of Clerks 2 but I won't acknowledge them beyond forgiving them and focusing on the positives in the film of which there are many. Is Kevin Smith basically delivering a greatest hits collection with Clerks 2? Yes. But when your greatest hits are this good its worth it.

Movie Review: The Adventures of Pluto Nash

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002) 

Directed by Ron Underwood 

Written by Neil Cuthbert 

Starring Eddie Murphy, Rosario Dawson, Randy Quaid, Pam Grier, Jay Mohr, Peter Boyle 

Release Date August 16th, 2002 

Published August 16th, 2002 

There have been a lot of bad things said about The Adventures Of Pluto Nash, a lot of those things stemming from the films mega-budget and two-year shelf life. A lot of bad things continue to be said, but not by me.  While Pluto Nash isn't a great film it's not nearly as bad as many people say it is. Much like a ball rolling down a hill, the negative bias against Pluto Nash has obscured what is a desperately mediocre movie into a 'worst of all time' candidate. Don't believe the hype. 

Eddie Murphy is Pluto Nash, the most popular nightclub owner on the moon. Things couldn't be better, especially after he hires a gorgeous new waitress named Dina (Rosario Dawson). Things change quickly however after Pluto refuses to sell his club to a mobster named Crater. After the club is blown up, Pluto, Dina and Pluto's robot bodyguard Bruno (Randy Quaid) go on the run and eventually go after Crater. They are helped along the way by a great supporting cast including Pam Grier, Peter Boyle, Jay Mohr, and Luis Guzman.

It's good to see the old cocky, confident Eddie Murphy back even if he isn't at the top of his game. As Pluto Nash, Murphy is back as the conman always two steps ahead of everyone else. Here he’s far more appealing than his recent buffoonish turn in Showtime. For me, Murphy is always at his best when he's the Bugs Bunny-esque, quick on his feet, coolest guy in the room Eddie Murphy. Far too much in this period of Eddie's career he appears to have lost his confidence and with it, his appeal. Seeing Eddie get a little of his confidence back in Pluto Nash is perhaps adding a little shine to this otherwise worthless movie. 

Pluto Nash is a unique combination of 40's gangster movies with cheesy 50's sci-fi and it's those touches of classic genre that provide the film it's comic atmosphere. The more modern humor, such as having Hillary Clinton's face on the hundred-dollar bill, on the other hand, feels forced, desperate, and deeply unfunny. 

Many people, without even seeing this The Adventures of Pluto Nash, decided that it was a bad movie. Honestly, as someone who admires my fellow movie critics, I was one who was willing to buy into how historically terrible The Adventures of Pluto Nash was supposed to be. Then, I actually saw the movie. So the best review I could give The Adventures Of Pluto Nash is that, though it is bad, it's not historically, worst of all time bad. 

Movie Review Death Proof

Death Proof (2007) 

Directed by Quentin Tarentino 

Written by Quentin Tarentino 

Starring Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Vanessa Ferlito, Rose McGowan, Zoe Bell, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Release Date April 6th, 2007 

Published April 5th, 2007 

Quentin Tarentino is the preeminent film artist of the modern era. A savant like talent who learned filmmaking by watching movies, Tarentino has turned applied knowledge into great art and even now in his tortured partnership with Robert Rodriguez on the twin bill Grindhouse, Tarentino takes his applied knowledge of low filmmaking and turns it into yet another masters class in filmmaking.

Death Proof is an homage to a certain kind of 1970's drive-in slasher movie that is actually still being made today on the fringes of the straight to video biz. The film stars Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike a Hollywood stuntman well past his prime.

With the advent of CGI guys like Stuntman Mike are a dying breed and you can hear the resentment in his voice as he recounts his history in the business, back in the day, when he was a double for Lee Majors! He still works from time to time but he knows that his days are numbered. It is this resentment that may explain, in some odd way, why Mike takes his anger out on unsuspecting women. Luring them into his tricked out stunt car which he claims is death proof, Stuntman Mike intentionally crashes the car and kills his passenger. The car is only death proof if your in the drivers seat.

Setting his sights on a verbose group of women in a bar, a radio DJ and her three friends, Stuntman Mike first seems like just another creepy patron hitting on younger girls. When they end up rejecting his advances he takes it out on them in a horrifying car chase. Then the scene shifts to a diner in Tennessee where four different women; working on a film crew, are sitting around discussing movies and men. Abbie (Rosario Dawson) is the makeup girl, Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and Kim (Tracie Toms) and Zoe (Zoe Bell) are stunt women.

Zoe is visiting and has heard that a local man is selling a 1970 Dodge Challenger, just like the one Barry Newman drove in the movie Vanishing Point, in pristine condition, right down to the color and the four barrel engine. Zoe wants a test drive and something more. Little do the girls know that Stuntman Mike is nearby and wants a piece of the action.

That scene leads to one of the greatest car chases you have ever seen in a movie. Tarentino's filmmaking skills create a visceral, emotional, physical experience. These chases are as good or better than even his dialogue which is, as usual, dense and filled to overflow with pop culture bacchanalia.

The characters in the first half of Death Proof, aside from Stuntman Mike, are a verbose and intelligent lot who have interesting, involving conversations that sound mighty familiar. Peppered with references to the Acuna Boys (Kill Bill), foot massages (Pulp Fiction) and Red Apple Cigarettes (every Tarentino film), these conversations are so inside baseball they could make Kevin Smith Blush.

I'm not saying that Death Proof is for Tarentino fans only, it just deepens the experience if you get the references. This is a terrifically smart and entertaining and exciting movie regardless of whether you are a Tarentino fan. Besides, the chases scenes are essentially wordless and are the most entertaining and invigorating part of the film.

Everything about Death Proof works. This is among the best work of Tarentino's career and one of the best movies you will see in 2007.

Movie Review Men in Black 2

Men in Black 2 (2002) 

Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld 

Written by Robert Gordon, Barry Fanaro 

Starring Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Rosario Dawson, Lara Flynn Boyle, Johnny Knoxville 

Release Date July 3rd, 2002 

Published July 2nd, 2002 

The original Men In Black was a fresh and funny surprise. The film came out of nowhere and based on its charm and its appealing stars, the film scored 600+ million dollars at the box office. Charm, however, can carry a film only so far and it is no match for the disease known as sequelitis. If you think about it I bet you could count the number of good sequels on one hand. Sequelitis is why almost all sequels suck. Even the great Will Smith seems no match for it.

MIB2 has Smith and Tommy Lee Jones back in their black suits and Ray Bans. Of course if you recall the original, Jones' agent K was neuralized and returned to a normal life. Smith as Agent J is investigating the murder of an alien by another alien who has taken the form of Lara Flynn Boyle. Only K knows the secret to stopping this new alien threat. 

So J and his new partner Frank the Dog go to a small Massachusetts town where K is now a postal worker, a situation ripe for comedy but not taken advantage of in this film. Once K is returned to headquarters he is to be de-neuralized, but once he gets his memory back he still can't remember what happened to the object that the bad guys are looking for. K's memory block is the film’s only clever subplot as the duo search the clues K left for himself in case of such an emergency.

Where the original MIB had a bouncy pace with a new surprise around every corner MIB 2 has just the opposite; dull, lifeless transitional scenes that lead nowhere. There are no surprises in the alien creatures created by the effects team and the legendary Rick Baker. It's probably George Lucas's fault, his aliens are so visually interesting that most everything else pales in comparison. Lucas's Star Wars creatures make MIB 2's aliens look like the work of amateurs.

The biggest disappointment about MIB 2 is director Barry Sonnenfeld who directs the film with a dull cynicism. The film is constructed of dull transitory scenes broken up every 5 or 10 minutes by a special effect, probably to keep the audience from falling asleep. The film plays like a commercial for itself. The few laughs of the film are easy to cut out and put into a commercial or a trailer, with no need for context or much of a setup.

The film is well crafted but not memorable. MIB 2 is the kind of film that five years from now will be airing on TBS Superstation; you’ll stop for a moment then change the channel when a commercial comes on and maybe flick back later to see if it's still on.

Movie Review: The Rundown

The Rundown (2003) 

Directed by Peter Berg 

Written by R.J Stewart, James Vanderbilt 

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Seann William Scott, Christopher Walken, Rosario Dawson

Release Date September 26th, 2003 

Published September 25th, 2003 

After The Scorpion King made Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson a viable action superstar, many were quick to anoint him as the heir apparent to the Schwarzenegger-Stallone action star crown. The Rock need only prove himself in a film that wasn't connected to a previously successful vehicle (Scorpion King being a continuation of a character from The Mummy franchise).That proof of The Rock's star-power comes with his star turn in The Rundown, an action comedy that pairs the Rock's muscles with the motor mouth comedy of Seann William Scott for a fun action spectacle.

In The Rundown The Rock takes on the role of Beck, a henchman for some kind of mob figure. After failing to retrieve a debt for his boss, Beck is given the option of one more job. This job that will get Beck the money he needs to get out of the thug business and into his dream gig, owning a restaurant. However, this not your everyday gig for a thug. Instead, this job involves going into the dangerous jungles of Brazil to capture the mobster’s erstwhile son and return him to Los Angeles. 

On the surface, that might sounds simple enough but when Beck gets to the city of El Dorado, or as the locals have dubbed it, Helldorado, it's hot, it's dangerous and it's run by a whacked-out nut job played by Christopher Walken. Beck is quick to find the kid, Travis (Seann William Scott), but Walken's weirdo dictator and his wacky henchmen have plans of their own for Travis. Seems the kid has happened upon the whereabouts of a valuable artifact that could be worth millions.

Walken isn't the only one with designs on Travis either. Jungle rebels lead by the lovely Marianna (Rosario Dawson) also want to get their hands on the artifact so that they can get their people out from under Walken's tyrannous reign. This leaves Beck stuck in the middle of all of the fighting between Walken's thugs, the rebel’s, and in one scene some various amorous monkeys. And Beck is also fighting with Travis who's motor mouth is far more brutal than his fighting.

The Rundown is predictable, certainly not high minded or idealistic. What the movie does have going for it however, is some fun action scenes, some truly brutal looking stunt work, and a strong enough amount of wit provided by The Rock's put upon performance. Johnson's incredulous reactions to the numerous indignities visited upon his character is the film’s strongest source of comedy. That and it's physical humor which has the Rock hanging upside down, fighting monkeys and getting beat up by a group of Brazilian Little People. 

The films stunt work does press the boundaries of believability, such as an early scene where Rock and Scott roll down a hill and take a brutal amount of punishment. It's nothing a little suspension of disbelief can't get you past but it does feel a bit excessive. As directed by Peter Berg, The Rundown combines the kind of 80's style action movie where no one runs out of bullets with the 90's style action movie where you shoot and pause for an ironic aside before shooting again. It's clichéd but the actors make it tolerable with fun, witty, and knowing performances.

And then, Christopher Walken delivers yet another of his iconic weirdo performances. Be sure to watch out for a particularly peculiar rant from Walken's would be dictator about the tooth fairy. It's a bizarrely long monologue that is delivered in a way that only Christopher Walken could deliver it. Walken gives this monologue with his entire being, his fully physicality embodies this moment. It's completely outside of the movie and stops the whole story dead in its tracks but, it's worth it because Walken is incredibly entertaining. 

Even with a show stealer like Christopher Walken however, The Rundown belongs to The Rock, who I realize wants to be known as Dwayne Johnson but as a wrestling fan he will always be The Rock to me. Top lining his first stand-alone action vehicle, The Rock oozes the kind of star quality that you just can't teach. It's a great star making performance in a film that I hope will make him a star for good. The action genre needs The Rock's cool and charisma to carry it over clichéd plots and endless violence of stock action movies like The Ruindown.