Movie Review Cocaine Bear

Cocaine Bear (2023) 

Directed by Elizabeth Banks 

Written by Jimmy Warden

Starring Keri Russell, Margo Martindale, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Brooklynn Prince, Ray Liotta, O'Shea Jackson, Alden Ehrenreich 

Release Date February 24th, 2023 

Published February 23rd, 2023 

Cocaine Bear makes a very big promise with its bizarre premise and I am happy to say that it mostly lives up to that promise. As directed by the very funny Elizabeth Banks, Cocaine Bear delivers a Black Bear that is, indeed, very high on Cocaine. Being high on cocaine, the Bear becomes highly aggressive, angry, and agitated. Thus, a bear that would normally prefer not to interact with humans becomes a violent, murderous beast, especially if you happen to have some more cocaine on you, this bear loves cocaine. 

The story of Cocaine Bear kicks off with a very funny scene. A man who is clearly high on cocaine is dancing around an airplane and tossing bags filled with cocaine off the plane and into a mountainous area of Georgia. The man plans on letting the plane crash to divert attention from the massive amounts of cocaine being dropped from it, but before he can leap out of the plane to accompany his cargo, the man manages to knock himself unconscious and fall out of the plane to his death. 

This death helps set to the tone for a violent, disturbing and quite funny dark comedy. Once we've established that there is cocaine in the forest and a bear has ingested a lot of it, we watch as disparate groups of people head into the forest, mostly unaware that cocaine has turned a mostly docile bear into a ravenous, cocaine addicted monster. Among our main cast are a pair of children played by Brooklynn Prince and Christian Convery, they're skipping school for an adventure. Hot on their trail is the girl's mother, played by Keri Russell. She's accompanied by Forest Cop played by Margo Martindale and her crush, an animal care advocate played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson. 

Then, there are the drug dealers, out to retrieve their drugs. O'Shea Jackson and Alden Erhenreich are flunkies for a drug dealer, played by Ray Liotta. They are to retrieve the drugs by any means necessary or possibly face the wrath of Columbian drug kingpins. They will be joined unwillingly by a police detective, played by Isaiah Whitlock. The detective has been looking for a way to bust Liotta's drug dealer and he sees getting these bags of cocaine as a chance to put Liotta behind bars. Naturally, they will all come face to face with a bear that is off its face on cocaine and each will be lucky if they manage to get out of the forest intact. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Instant Family

Instant Family (2018) 

Directed by Sean Anders 

Written by John Morris, Sean Anders

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Rose Byrne, Isabela Merced, Margo Martindale, Octavia Spencer 

Release Date November 16th, 2018 

Published November 17th, 2018 

I have struggled genuinely with how I feel about the comedy Instant Family starring Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne. This family comedy about a childless couple who decides to become foster parents to three orphan siblings is at times maddeningly, cringe-inducingly hard to watch. Characters occasionally drift into an area of being inhumanly silly. And yet, at the end of the movie, the uplifting message kind of works, to the point where I teared up. 

Did I tear up because the movie is that effective or because Instant Family is based on a true story and is, in many ways, a commercial for a charity of the same name, Instant Family, that works to unite orphaned kids and foster parents? I deeply admire the message of Instant Family and the few human moments that the movie gets right, it gets very right but did the movie cheat? Or is it actually good? 

Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne star in Instant Family as Pete and Ellie. Pete and Ellie own their own house flipping business where he handles the carpentry and she handles the design. Their lives are perfect but they’ve been so busy with business, they’ve neglected the notion of family. With Ellie’s sister Kim (Allyn Rachel) and her husband, Russ (Tom Segura), talking about having kids, it gets Pete and Ellie thinking about it. 

Both Pete and Ellie agree that they don’t want to be old parents, that they are passed the idea of having a baby. They are however, the right age for a 5 to 8 year old kid and thus adoption enters the equation. After Pete looks at a website of kids in foster care he is overwhelmed by the cuteness and the two enroll in an 8 week course to determine their fitness to be parents. Comedian Tig Notaro and Academy Award winner Octavia Spencer are the heads of the adoption agency. 

After several bad comedy scenes of Pete and Ellie and a group of colorful but not too colorful extras failing and succeeding at the basic necessities of being parents, the couples are ready to choose their kids. For Pete and Ellie, they fall for Lizzy (Izabella Moner), a teenager who they feel pity for because no one even talks to kids Lizzy’s age about adoption, she’s 15. Lizzy has more reasons why she’s been hard to place, she has two younger siblings, Juan (Gustavo Quiroz) and Lita (Julianna Gamiz). 

Challenged by the adoption agents, Pete and Ellie decide to take a big swing and agree to become foster parents to all three kids. Now the question becomes, can they actually handle having an instant family? And what about the kids’ mom, a former alcoholic who is just out of prison and in a program in hopes of perhaps getting her kids back? Will the forced drama ever cease and allow the movie to have a genuine moment. 

Instant Family was co-written and directed by Sean Anders whose taste for low brow humor and gag focused nonsense, led to the creation of terrible movies such as That’s My Boy, Sex Drive and Daddy’s Home 1 & 2. I recognize that some people like the Daddy’s Home movies, but I do not and by extension, I really don’t care for Instant Family either. I was wondering throughout why the shrill, awkward, and unfunny gags of Instant Family felt so familiar, then I looked at the director’s resume. 

Anders has a hard time trying to bring a real moment to the screen. He’s so focused on terrible jokes that he loses track of trying to tell actual stories with relatable characters. His taste for broad and crude caricatures sinks what little good there is about Instant Family. Mark Wahlberg, Rose Byrne, and co-stars Margo Martindale, as Wahlberg’s mom, Tig Notaro and Octavia Spencer, appear to be trying to get to the heart of his material but the director and the script keep interrupting with nonsense. 

There is a running gag in Instant Family where the son, Juan, keeps getting hurt. It’s never funny but it just keeps happening where he’s hit in the face with any sporting equipment nearby, he steps in broken glass, he gets a nail in his foot. Why would anyone think this is a funny running gag for a child in a movie? Especially a child in foster care who may or may not have a history of abuse? 

There are occasional moments where the characters are allowed to be real but they are drowned out by moments of shrill hysterics such as a dinner scene that begins with a minor disagreement and ends with the kitchen table on fire and Wahlberg trying to put out the fire with ketchup. That sounds much funnier than it plays in the movie. In the movie it’s a lot of yelling and chaos and zero laughs. 

So why did I cry at the end of Instant Family? Because the film ends on a genuine note with Lizzy realizing that her new parents do really love her and her brother and sister and then the film cuts to a picture of the real family the movie is based on. And then it’s a montage of photos of families that the charity Instant Family has united over the years. You’d have to be some kind of soulless monster not to be moved by these photos. 

Does that mean the movie succeeds? No, it’s definitely cheating, even if it is cheating for a good cause. The movie is mostly bad but it does have its heart in the right place. I don’t recommend it as a movie but I do recommend Instant Family as a charity. It’s nice that Hollywood was kind enough to make a 100 plus minute commercial for Instant Family but that doesn’t mean the movie is worth your time. 

Instead, why don’t you google Instant Family Charity and look at the pictures of newly united families. You will have a far more moving experience without having to have this movie shout shrill gags in your ear for nearly two hours. 

Movie Review Secretariat

Secretariat (2010) 

Directed by Randall Wallace

Written by Mike Rich, Sheldon Turner

Starring Diane Lane, John Malkovich, Dylan Walsh, James Cromwell, Margo Martindale

Release Date October 8th, 2010

Published October 7th, 2010

“Secretariat” is a shockingly square movie, even by the standards of the modern family movie. There is nothing remotely cool or modestly subversive about “Secretariat,” even as the film is set in 1973 the time of the Vietnam War, the beginnings of the Women's movement and the end of the Nixon Administration.

It was a time, ironically enough, when movies like “Secretariat” were rendered irrelevant by a gang of drug fueled visionaries who today craft blockbusters and award winners and have inspired a new generation of less drug fueled but equally visionary creative types who would sooner adapt videogames to the big screen than look twice at something like Secretariat.

There is nothing wrong with the story of Secretariat, the true story of Penny Tweedy and her amazing super horse which won horse racing's Triple Crown while captivating the sports world. Rather, it's an issue of style and approach, a boring, conventional approach that is crafted to be comfortable, warm and never for a moment cause the audience to do any of that awkward thinking stuff that other better movies do.

No, it's better instead to lull them into a pleasant, popcorn sated stupor than remind them of the actual history of the time in which Secretariat became a needed distraction for a weary nation. Weary of what? The filmmakers would rather you didn't ask.  

Diane Lane stars in “Secretariat” as Penny Tweedy, formerly Penny Chenery, daughter of a famed stable owning family in Virginia. Penny's mother has passed away leaving behind her ailing father (Scott Glenn) and no one to run the family's stables. Returning to Virginia with her impatient husband Jack (Dylan Walsh) and their four cute, indiscernible children, Penny reunites with Miss Hamm (Margo Martindale), her father's loyal secretary, and Eddie Sweatt (Nelson Ellis), the family's long time stable hand.

The return to Virginia finds the family finances bleeding red ink. The only hope is a rather unusual one, a coin toss. Years earlier, Penny's father made a long standing deal with the world's richest man, Ogden Phipps (James Cromwell), their prized horses would breed together and a coin toss would decide which man got his choice of the prize offspring.

Penny may have left her horse knowledge behind when she ditched Virginia for family life in Denver years ago, but her instincts remain and she knows which horse she wants and she knows she wants to lose the coin toss to get it. The scene with Lane and Cromwell is cute and effective and nicely lulls the audience into the overall feel of “Secretariat” a good natured, entirely square movie that would be boring if it weren't so pleasantly clueless.

The key for scenes like the coin toss or the obligatory celebration montages or the obligatory everybody dance and wash the horse scene or the obligatory dramatic roadblock to success scene seems to be the ability of director Randall Wallace to set these scenes without a hint of self consciousness as if no one would notice they are watching a scene of two millionaires flipping coin over who gets a horse. To his astonishing credit, no one in the audience did seem to notice or care. It was all so gentle and pleasant.

There is nary a moment of discord or discomfort in “Secretariat” as the film side steps it's true life setting in the early 1970's by quietly having Penny's daughter Kate (Amanda Mischalka) act out a play of war protest in front of an audience that seemed as passive as the one watching “Secretariat.” It's easily the most pleasant and passive war protest ever brought to the big screen.

One should see “Secretariat” if only for the shots of passive hippies, the somehow non-dope smoking types whose only connection to being a hippie is a hippie uniform, watching and loving Secretariat right alongside the proletariat parents of the film's likely target audience. It's a serene, almost Leave it to Beaver-esque pastiche of what the era would have been like had Dad and the Beav gone into the documentary film business and left out all of the supposed unpleasantness of the time.

The average episode of The Brady Bunch offers a more subversive view of the early 1970's than does “Secretariat.”

Now, before you howl that this is a horse racing movie and not a documentary about the tumultuous year of 1973, I will point out that the film itself brings up Vietnam by having the daughter be a protester, thus opening the vein for my line of criticism of the films portrayal of this actual period in our shared American history.

For the howlers, let's get into the horse racing stuff; it's not bad. Director Wallace takes us into the starting gate and puts us right in the action as the big ol' horses make their sinewy, snorting way around the track. It can come as little surprise that the audience, lulled by the pleasant passivity of the characters and the story, would be compelled to cheer the action of the horse racing scenes.

What was a little surprising was the cheering at the end of each of the races in the film, save the Wood Memorial which Secretariat lost. (If one of you mentions spoiler alert I will come through this computer screen) Secretariat lost the Wood but bounced back to win the Triple Crown in a dominant fashion that would seem to rob the final hour of real tension. Again, I have to credit director Randall Wallace for the effective staging of the racing scenes; they are compelling and even moving, even Secretariat's 30 odd length victory at the Belmont sealing his triple crown.

The racing scenes stand at odds with the rest of “Secretariat” which is depressingly square. Critic Andrew O' Hehir of Salon.com alleges an honest to god, Christian, right wing ideological conspiracy as to why “Secretariat” so blithely ignores the radical elements of its era.  O'Hehir calls the film 'a creepy American myth' and he's not far off. There is what feels like a creepy intent to all of the boring pleasantness of “Secretariat.”

I cannot truly assign any agenda to “Secretariat” however, aside from that of Disney and its desire to make a profitable sports film. “Secretariat” is merely a sports movie directly from the mold of “Miracle” and “The Rookie” and like those films, bled of all life beyond their uplifting finishes and obstacles overcome, Secretariat is a boring, well crafted machine of a sports movie fashioned from the Disney factory floor.

These movies are made with the intent to offend no one and somehow entertain all. They are meant as all things to all audiences and no one can really complain aside from whiny film critics who decry anything that isn’t some challenging drama or quirky indie romance. Hey, wait a minute!

To be serious for a moment; someone at Disney clearly believes that movies can be made that will sell to every possible audience, from red state to blue state. The conventions of the sports movie provide a safe place to try to find that all encompassing audience and with a horse story you can even appeal to women. “Secretariat” even has a female protagonist, a mother of four, women, family audiences, sports fans and kids! Kids like horses and their parents who are tired of cartoons will be able to drag them to the horse movie. Throw in John Malkovich as a clown and you have a movie with the potential to please all.

Sure, all of this market sensitivity makes my soul hurt but Disney is a business not a movie company. One can only guess that if “Secretariat” somehow fails, they will move on to the next soul crunching market driven bit of saccharine sports movie. For now, at least “Secretariat” is pleasant and hey, who needs to think.

Movie Review Eye of God

Eye of God (1997) 

Directed by Tim Blake Nelson

Written by Tim Blake Nelson

Starring Nick Stahl, Martha Plimpton, Kevin Anderson, Hal Holbrook, Richard Jenkins, Margo Martindale 

Release Date October 17th, 1997 

Published July 13th, 2003 

In his relatively short career as a director, Tim Blake Nelson has shown a fascination with tragedy. In The Grey Zone it was the horror of the Holocaust. In ”O” it was teen violence by way of Shakespeare. And in Nelson's very first feature, Eye of God, it was a town in Oklahoma that seemed bathed in tragedy from economic depression to domestic abuse to suicide. Made with the help of Robert Redford's Sundance Institute in 1997, Eye of God was the first indication that the actor had the eye of a director.

Set sometime in the 1980's Eye of God centers on the small town of Kingfish, Oklahoma. A town suffering though a major economic downturn that has people moving away at the rate of a family a week. Into this tragic situation comes a former convict, Jack Stillings (Kevin Anderson). He has come to Kingfish to meet his prison pen pal, a young waitress named Ainsley Dupree (Martha Plimpton). At first Ainsley has cold feet and thinks of leaving but Jack convinces her to stay and that night they have their first date.

Running parallel to Jack and Ainsley's story is that of Tom Spencer (Nick Stahl) who's mother committed suicide, leaving him with his overbearing Aunt and with thoughts of taking his own life. When Tom is found wandering along the side of the road covered in blood, it's obvious he has been involved in something awful. Unfortunately, a shell-shocked Tom is unable to speak and can't tell anyone what happened.

As we learn from a voiceover provided by Hal Holbrook, who also plays the sheriff of Kingfish, Jack and Ainsley's story is being recounted in flashback, while Tom's story takes place in the present. The film shifts backwards and forwards much like Brian Singer's Usual Suspects. The time shifts in Eye of God are signaled by overlapping sounds and static camera shots. The camera pans slowly away from the characters to some various image as another begins to speak or a phone rings or a door slams. It's not a new approach but for a first time director it was a challenging choice and one that Nelson carries off very well.

The script, also written by Nelson, is part mystery, part character study. Unfortunately, the mystery unravels well before the film is over. It becomes clear which character is guilty and that takes some of the punch out of the film’s ending. What the ending does have though is well-acted tragedy that Martha Plimpton and Nick Stahl really hit home. Stahl's final scene is a real heartbreaker and shows the potential that he is finally beginning to live up to some six years later. It's a wonder we don't see more of Martha Plimpton, who has always turns in an effective performance in whatever she is in, even the God awful 100 Cigarettes.

The film’s only real problem is it's leading man Kevin Anderson. A true straight to video legend, Anderson evinces an east coast attitude even as he's supposed to be playing a down home Midwesterner. His portrayal done with a hint of bad Midwest accent turn Jack into a redneck caricature, a hypocritical bible thumper who never for a moment fools the audience into sympathizing with him.

As artful as Eye of God is, it's not entertaining. It's just sad. I loved the performances by Stahl and Plimpton and Tim Blake Nelson's risky directing style. However, the film’s sadness is overwhelming. When the mystery falls apart just past the half way point, the audience is left with nothing but the tragedy. That and Anderson's performance keep Eye Of God from rising to the level of Nelson's follow up features “O” and The Grey Zone, but that is to be expected from a first feature.