Movie Review The Equalizer 3

The Equalizer 3 (2023) 

Directed by Antoine Fuqua 

Written by Richard Wenk 

Starring Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, David Denman 

Release Date September 1st, 2023 

Published September 1st, 2023 

I was not ready for how astonishingly violent The Equalizer 3 is. In the opening scenes we see a parade of viscera, a series of dead bodies that have been wrecked and bloodied in a fashion that would shame Jason Voorhees. When we finally see the man responsible for this buffet of brutality, our old friend Robert McCall (Denzel Washington), he's being held at gunpoint but seconds away from murdering everyone in the room. In a scene punctuating moment, McCall picks up a shotgun and blasts buckshot into the backside of the main baddie as he attempts to crawl away. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Coraline

Coraline (2009) 

Directed by Henry Selick 

Written by Henry Selick

Starring Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, John Hodgeman, Jennifer Saunders 

Release Date February 6th, 2009 

Published February 6th, 2009 

The nightmare dreamscapes of director Henry Selick are stirring visual delights. His Nightmare  Before Christmas is an unqualified underground classic. Now comes Coraline which combines the talents of Henry Selick with those of legendary graphic novelist Neil Gaiman, is yet another triumph.

Coraline Jones is a dyspeptic little girl. Her bad attitude comes from having left behind close friends in Michigan for the gray skies of middle of nowhere Oregon. There, her parents (Teri Hatcher and John Hodgeman) have little time for playing with their daughter.

This forces Coraline to find distraction on her own, wandering around her huge house with highly unusual neighbors upstairs and down. Above we have Mr. Bobinsky a drunken former circus performer who claims to be training mice for their own circus. Downstairs are a pair of doddering former actresses Miss Spink and Miss Forcible (Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French) who are a little too devoted to their dogs.

Outside the house Coraline meets Wyby (Robert Bailey Jr) who is as creepy as any one of the neighbors but he being the only person her age for miles, he is a de facto friend. If you think the neighbors are weird you have seen nothing yet. Exploring the ancient house, Coraline discovers a small door that during the day is bricked up but at night opens to a magical tunnel to an alternate universe.

In this other world Coraline finds parents who are attentive and playful. Mr. Bobinsky real is training mice for a magical circus and Miss Spink and Miss Forcible perform an astonishing reading of Shakespeare for an audience of Coraline and hundreds of dogs. Even other Wyby is better, probably because he can't talk.

All of the others, mom and dad, the neighbors, Wyby and even Coraline's toys have one signature difference, they all have buttons for eyes. Nevertheless, this world is magical and fun and when her other parents offer her the chance to stay in the other world forever, Coraline is excited to accept until she is told she will have to sew buttons over her eyes to stay.

From there Coraline goes from visually dazzling kid flick to a dark childish nightmare. Henry Selick fearlessly plumbs the depths of childish horrors as he makes Coraline's real parents disappears and introduces some child ghosts who offer a terrifying fate to Coraline if she can't find a way out.

Neil Gaiman wrote Coraline for his young daughter as a way of helping her deal with the monsters under her bed. He wanted to teach her to be brave and at the same time explore some of his own childhood nightmares. The result when teamed with Henry Selick's astonishing stop motion visuals is a knockout visual feast with resonant themes.

Dakota Fanning gives great voice to Coraline. Communicating petulance and downer whining early on, her Coraline slowly becomes self aware and brave. She becomes a minor hero before our eyes and it is the voice of Dakota Fanning that carries throughout.

Coraline is an optical delight. The visual splendor, the astonishing attention to detail and the amount of work we know went into making Coraline all add up to an astonishing achievement and the first truly great movie of 2009.

Movie Review Man on Fire

Man on Fire (2004) 

Directed by Tony Scott 

Written by Brian Helgeland 

Starring Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Walken, Radha Mitchell, Marc Anthony, Mickey Rourke 

Release Date April 23rd, 2004 

Published April 23rd, 2004

Denzel Washington has become such a consistently brilliant actor that we have begun to take him for granted. Seeing Denzel's name on the poster, you know that he will deliver a great performance regardless of whether the film is any good. Case in point, his latest film, Man On Fire, in which Denzel is terrific but the film is an utter mess. Full of child-in-danger cliches and muddled visuals, it comes from Tony Scott, a once great director who has become a parody of his own best work.

In Man On Fire, Denzel is John Creasy, a former special forces soldier who regrets the number of people he has killed over the years. Living in a perpetual alcoholic haze, Creasy finds himself in Mexico City visiting an ex-army buddy named Rayburn (Christopher Walken). Rayburn has successfully given up the guilt of being a killer and is now a happily married family man. Rayburn feels he can help Creasy by getting him a job and finds him work as a bodyguard.

As the films jangled, sunburnt, out of focus prologue explains, there is a kidnapping every 90 seconds in Mexico City and one of the most requested services is that of a bodyguard. With Rayburn's help, Creasy gets a gig guarding Pita (Dakota Fanning), the daughter of an auto manufacturer, Samuel Ramos (Marc Anthony). Though he can barely afford to pay Creasy, Samuel hires him at the insistence of his wife Lisa (Radha Mitchell).

At first, Creasy does all he can to keep emotional distance from Pita but eventually her sweetness and smarts win him over. The scenes of Creasy and Pita bonding over swimming, homework and music are given great weight because of these two amazing actors but do little to mask the tragedy that is so obviously on the horizon. The film’s ads and trailer betray the tragedy of the film even before you enter the theater. You already know that Creasy is going on a killing spree, this is a revenge film so you can infer why revenge is necessary.

The revenge scenes are as brutal as anything in last week’s dark revenge fantasy The Punisher and much like that film, the scenes of brutality overstay their welcome. Director Tony Scott achieves a languorous pace that dwells on each bit of vengeance and regardless of how justified it may seem, it begins to wear on anyone with a conscience. The real betrayal however, comes at the end of the film which entirely betrays all that came before in one twist that makes you feel dirty for having been so involved in the film’s drama.

As always, Denzel is fantastic. I can't say enough good things about Denzel, he is consistently better in each and every role. It's unlikely that any other actor could have made this role tolerable. Because Denzel is so skilled and so trustworthy, we follow this character further than we would a lesser actor. It is truly sad how Director Tony Scott betrays Denzel's performance with cheap cliche and overheated visuals that border on the absurd.

I also can't say enough nice things about young Dakota Fanning who is so much better than the roles she plays. This preternaturally smart pre-teen is going to be one terrific actress once she learns to choose better material. Like her roles in I Am Sam and last year’s Uptown Girls, Fanning is far better than the characters written for her.

The rest of the supporting cast are merely cardboard cutouts, placeholders for plot points. Especially underutilized is Christopher Walken, who gets one good Walken-esque speech, the “masterpiece of death” speech seen in the commercial. Other than that, Walken is on the sidelines for most of the film.

Director Tony Scott has sadly lapsed into a parody of his better films. The man who directed True Romance, Crimson Tide and Spy Game has fallen in love with his camera and overuses it at every opportunity. Just because you can create unusual visuals doesn't make it necessary to use them. Scott can't help washing out colors, superimposing dialogue, out of focus shots and tricks with sound and editing. Maybe he felt the visual histrionics were necessary because the script is such an awful cliche.

Nothing is more cheap and manipulative than placing a child in a dangerous situation. Man On Fire is predicated entirely on a child being placed in the midst of gunfire and being the target of unnecessary violence. A screenwriter who can't achieve real drama falls back on this type of cheap ploy, this film is built around it.

The most ludicrous part of Man On Fire is not its cheap manipulative plot or awful twist ending, it's a little coda that appears prior to the final credits. On a black background, there is a message from the filmmakers thanking the wonderful people of Mexico City for providing such a great place to make a movie. The film portrays the city as a cesspool of corruption, a place where police officers conspire with criminals to snatch children, a place where a kidnapping happens every ninety seconds. Therefore, the thank you at the end is a rather backhanded slap as opposed to a real thank you. I doubt Mexico City is going to brag about having hosted the filmmakers behind Man On Fire.

Movie Review The Cat in the Hat

The Cat in the Hat (2003) 

Directed by Bo Welch

Written by Alec Berg, David Mandel, Jeff Schaffer

Starring Mike Myers, Alec Baldwin, Kelly Preston, Dakota Fanning, Spencer Breslin

Release Date November 21st, 2003 

Published Published November 20th, 2003

Like any kid born after 1957, the books of Theodore Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, were an important part of my childhood. From Green Eggs and Ham to How The Grinch Stole Christmas to The Cat In The Hat, the Dr's rhyming wordplay and gloriously odd drawings are what helped form my imagination from the time I was able to read.

When The Grinch was turned into a blockbuster starring Jim Carrey, director Ron Howard was able to retain some of the magic of the book while still allowing Jim Carrey to do his thing. The Grinch wasn't a great adaptation but a skillfully crafted one. The same cannot be said of Bo Welch's adaptation of another Seuss classic, The Cat In The Hat which is neither great nor skillful. Rather it's a dreadful exercise in Hollywood blockbuster cynicism.

Mike Myers steps into the fur of the Cat in the Hat, the six foot feline who simply appears out of thin air to reek havoc and entertain a couple kids trapped at home in the rain. The kids in the film adaptation are Conrad (Spencer Breslin) and Sally (Dakota Fanning), brother and sister and different in every way imaginable. Conrad is destructive, messy and out of control. Sally is fastidious, organized and uptight. Their mother (Kelly Preston) works as a real estate agent and is having a party at their house tonight and the house must be perfect for her boss Mr. Humberfloob (Sean Hayes).

Mom has to work and must leave the kids with the narcoleptic Mrs. Kwan, a woman who could sleep through a train wreck in the living room. After a serious scolding from mom the kids agree to keep the house clean while mom works, but once she's gone the plan goes out the window with the sudden arrival of the Cat In the Hat. Thus begins an adventurous day of trying to keep the house from falling down around them and learning a lesson about how to have fun.

Mike Myers is almost indiscernible under piles of fur and rubber. His schtick however, is unmistakable as he bounds from character voice to character voice as if channeling Robin Williams at his manic worst. Myers plays the Cat as a combination of his Austin Powers persona and former flamboyant center square Charles Nelson Reilly. Myers never for a moment resembles the Cat you remember from the book, save of course for the signature red and white stovepipe hat. Aside from the hat however this Cat is a complete creation of Myers and makeup artist Mike Smithson. Much like the recent Austin Powers films, the performance is very hit and miss.

Director Bo Welch, helming his first feature, shows a terrific flair for set design which is not surprising because that is where he got his start. The Cat In The Hat has spectacular sets, production design, costumes, and makeup. If only the same attention had been paid to the script and especially the jokes. The script is credited to three former Seinfeld writers, Alec Berg, David Mandel and Jeff Schaffer. Odd choices to begin with but then the script received a number of uncredited rewrites by Myers who likely wasn't credited because his work was all improvisations on the set.

Being that The Cat In The Hat was not a long story to begin with, the writers had a lot of time to fill. The unfortunate choice to fill that space with fart jokes and other forms of low humor are a deathly decision that destroys any chance the film had to be entertaining. Modernizing the story, allowing Myers to riff on pop culture is fine. Those elements worked to a point with Jim Carrey in The Grinch, but Carrey was at least somewhat restrained by Ron Howard's skilled direction. Bo Welch seems completely at a loss to reign in his star and can think of nothing better than the dreadful grossout humor that would turn Theodore Geisel's stomach.

Adding to the pain is producer Brian Grazer and his Imagine Entertainment marketing staff who cram every frame with disgusting product placement. The producers have already put the Cat in every imaginable commercial from pop to pregnancy tests and the commercials don't stop even after the movie begins. Myers even does a riff reminiscent of his Wayne's World product placement bit. In Wayne's World it was a wonderfully knowing incisive joke. In The Cat In The Hat, it's overkill.

Watching this film’s producers prostitute this wonderful piece of literary history is almost as disheartening as it's disgusting and unnecessary bathroom humor and scatology. In fact, I'm not sure which is worse. Thankfully, there is the lovely young actress Dakota Fanning who gives another terrific performance in a film well beneath her talents. Dakota Fanning deserves a far better film and the book The Cat In the Hat doesn't deserve this treatment. 

Movie Review: Dreamer Inspired by a True Story

Dreamer Based on a True Story (2005)

Directed by John Gatins

Written by John Gatins

Starring Dakota Fanning, Kurt Russell, Kris Kristoffeson, Luis Guzman, Elisabeth Shue 

Release Date October 21st, 2005 

Published October 21st, 2005 

In her short life young Dakota Fanning has not only become a movie star, she has proven herself to be a very capable actress. At a slight 11 years old Fanning has had several starring roles ranging from indies to blockbusters. She has crossed genres from light comedy in Uptown Girls to the Sci-Fi of War of the Worlds to the thriller Man On Fire. She has starred alongside elites like Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington and Robert DeNiro and often been as good or better than her more veteran co-stars.

Fanning's newest film, Dreamer: Inspired By A True Story, marks the first time Fanning can claim a film as her own starring vehicle. This little horse that could drama is at times more than a little sappy and sentimental but Dakota Fanning's performance makes the little extra schmaltz worth it.

In Dreamer: Inspired By A True Story Dakota Fanning stars as Cale Crane the daughter of a horse trainer, Ben Crane played by Kurt Russell. Living on a Kentucky horse farm with no horses, Cale dreams of one day filling the big empty barn. However, a family secret held between her father and grandfather Pop Crane (Kris Kristofferson) makes this dream seemingly impossible.

Though Pop also has a home on the property, father and son have not spoken more than a few words in years. Despite the rift Cale is allowed to have a good relationship with her grandfather who tells her fantastic horse racing legends and stories about the farm when there were horses raised there. This is another source of father-son tension. Ben has tried to keep his daughter at a distance from horses in hopes of shielding her from the kind of horse related trauma he experienced early in his life.

Whether it's her grandfather's stories or the fact that she's a little girl and all little girls love horses, nothing can keep Cale from joining her dad at the racetrack. Sadly, on her first visit to the track, Cale witnesses a horrible incident. Ben's horse Sonador, spanish for "dreamer", falls in a race and breaks a leg. The standard practice in this case is euthanasia however Ben refuses to put the horse down in front of Cale. Ben's refusal leads to a heated exchange with his boss, Palmer (David Morse), which ends with Ben being fired.

Using his severance pay Ben buys Sonador to keep her from being killed. Now the family's entire future rides on rehabbing Sonador so she can be used for breeding. However, when something miraculous happens, Sonador may just do more than breed a champion, she may in fact still be a champion.

The story is typical of the rote sports movie genre that director John Gatins has made his specialty. Though Dreamer is Gatins first directorial effort he was the writer behind Coach Carter, Hardball and Summer Catch. He knows all of the beats and rhythms of the genre, maybe even too well. The story is belabored and predictable but Gatins is blessed by his amazing cast which makes the bitter pill of cliche go down easy.

Dakota Fanning continues an unfortunate trend in her young career where her work outclasses the material. Dreamer is cloying, manipulative and entirely by the numbers but Fanning is believable, whip-smart and eminently watchable. Her sweetness never bubbles over into toothache territory and her cuteness is measured by her deep eyes filled with wisdom beyond her years.

The supporting cast greatly aides Fanning's performance. Kurt Russell continues to be the most underrated actor working today. Someday Russell is going to find just the right role to break him out of the mold of everyman and into the realm of the award-worthy actor he truly is. Kris Kristofferson is his reliably crusty self perfectly cast as the struggling father and doting grandfather.

The only disappointment in the supporting performances is poor Elizabeth Shue. Playing Fanning's mother, Shue's role revolves around nagging Russell's character to take more of an interest in their daughter. She comes on screen to frown when things look grim and smile when things look bright. The character has no depth or life of her own and is far too underwritten for an actress of Shue's talent.

Dreamer is a good natured and sweet story with a natural appeal to children, especially young girls. All little kids love animals but there is a unique connection between little girls and horses and Dreamer lovingly portrays this connection. Watching my sisters growing up and playing with toy horses and now my young nieces doing the same makes me wonder what the connection between girls and horses is.

Freud claims it's some kind of sexual thing which just seems creepy to me. I would like to believe it's something more complex than some base pleasure seeking. My mother claims it's about the eyes of a horse, empathetic pools that seem understanding and feeling. Also, horses need a great deal of care in grooming and feeding which could set off a mothering instinct. Whatever the reason, Dreamer taps the emotions of this unspoken connection perfectly.

Horses and Dakota Fanning are an irrresistable combination of cuteness, but that does not excuse Dreamer for being a too-typical sports movie. The film is far too simple in its storytelling and more interested in pulling tears from the audiences eyes than compelling those emotions with better storytelling.

Problems aside, the film works because Dakota Fanning is so appealing and entertaining. Fanning's performance alone is worth the price of admission.

Saccharine and a bit predictable Dreamer runs ahead of the pack of family sports movies because young Dakota Fanning is a real star. She has that intangible 'it' quality that makes you want to watch her and root for her. It's a quality that many child actors have had before but few have sustained it past puberty. Dakota Fanning still has a few years before the first tests of growing up a movie star begin. Until then it's okay to revel in slight sweet performances like the one in Dreamer.

Movie Review: Trapped

Trapped (2002)

Directed by Luis Mandoki 

Written by Greg Iles

Starring Charlize Theron, Stuart Townsend, Kevin Bacon, Courtney Love, Dakota Fanning 

Release Date September 20th, 2002 

Published September 20th, 2002 

One would hope that the recent spate of child kidnappings would preclude Hollywood hacks from using that situation as a screenwriting trick. The child in danger plot is the cheapest of the cheap manipulative tricks screenwriters use when they are creatively bankrupt. We, however should not be surprised that Hollywood doesn't care. These hacks have so little ingenuity that the child in danger is the only tool in their box. The god-awful action film, Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever employs this cliche, and the film Trapped does Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever one better by basing the entire film on the hackneyed plot device.

Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend star as a loving husband and wife with a cute as a button daughter. When Townsend leaves on a business trip, a sleazy con artist played by Kevin Bacon seizes the opportunity to kidnap Townsend's daughter and hold his wife hostage. As this is happening, Townsend himself is taken hostage by Bacon's partner, played by Courtney Love. Pruitt Taylor Vince rounds out the cast as the kidnapper with a soft spot for the kid and a softer head who is easily manipulated by the plot. Essentially the daughter will be held for 24 hours, after which ransom will be paid and the child will be returned to the parents.

Bacon is effectively creepy, while Love does a variation of her real life persona, as a drugged out nympho. Townsend and Theron are wooden and surprisingly dull. (Well, at least Townsend was surprisingly dull.) Earlier this year, Townsend starred in Queen Of The Damned, and though that film was very bad, Townsend had some effectively scary moments that, in a better film, could have been star-making moments. In Trapped, Townsend is woefully miscast as a rich yuppie doctor who still dresses as if he were an 18-year old skater with a gold card.

Trapped is undone by its premise and screenwriter Greg Iles, who also wrote the book on which the film is based. Iles and director Luis Mandoki apparently don't read the newspaper, though it doesn't take a genius to intuit how many people might be sensitive to the kidnapping of a child being used as a plot. Films that put children in danger are some of the lowest forms of film--right up there with white actors in blackface and Freddie Prinze Jr.

Trapped is the bastard stepchild of numerous child in danger films, and arguably the worst of the bunch.

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga Eclipse

The Twilight Saga Eclipse (2010) 

Directed by David Slade 

Written by Melissa Rosenberg

Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Bryce Dallas Howard, Elizabeth Reaser

Release Date June 30th, 2010 

Published June 29th, 2010

The Twilight movies are about sex. Sex is why the Cullen family, and indeed all Vampires are so damned Gap model attractive. Sex is why Taylor Lautner’s Jacob, and the rest of his Wolf pack are shirtless for most of the movie. The denial of sex from Edward to Bella, from Bella to Jacob, is the driving force of the plot of the latest Twilight chapter “Eclipse” and it makes for one exceptionally irritating tease. Not to mention one truly irresponsible and outdated morality play.

As we rejoin the “Twilight Saga,” a young man in Seattle is being menaced in the rain. He is soon bitten and will become a Vampire, the first in an army of newborn Vamps under the control of the evil redhead Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard). She is building an army to attack the Cullen Clan and especially Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), the love of Victoria's mortal enemy Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson).

Bella and Edward, reunited after Edward tried to runaway in “New Moon,” are now in the full blossom of love, as demonstrated by the two of them reading poetry in a flowery meadow together. How else would you know they were in love? Bella is still pestering Edward about becoming a Vampire while Edward talks of marriage.

Meanwhile, Bella has drama with her pal Jacob, yet another of Edward's sworn enemies, who happens to also be in love with Bella. Bella has feelings for Jacob and this love triangle is supposed to be a source of deathly, primal, tension that smolders off of the screen but as written and played it comes off much more like two boys fighting over a favored toy.

Bella and Jacob haven't spoken in the months since she chose Edward over him but, when Victoria returns to their tiny corner of Washington State, Jacob wants to know that Bella is protected and that he and his wolf pack are ready to do the protecting if Edward and his vampires can't do it. Victoria’s army leads to a truce between the Cullen clan and the Wolf pack and some newborn vampire heads get crushed in the film’s best sequence.

The battle scenes staged by director David Slade have a crisp, professional look that was desperately lacking in the first two Twilight movies. Slade's experience on the vampire flick “30 Days of Night” definitely pays off here even as he is restrained by a bloodless PG-13 rating. Did you know that Vampires are made of marble? I’m not kidding, freaking marble, like tabletops. Goofy as that sounds, the visual of marble crushed by Vampire fist and Werewolf teeth is pretty cool.

As an action movie, this is certainly the best of the Twilight brand of action. But, “Twilight” is not about Vampires and Werewolves punching and biting one another in some CGI universe. No, “Twilight” is about sex, more to the point, it's about spreading a fear and loathing of sex. Stephanie Meyer has crafted a morality play in which Vampirism and the Werewolf version of eternal love, known as ‘Imprinting,’ are merely poorly veiled metaphors for sex. The pain of turning into a Vampire, the fear of Edward’s uncontrollable ‘blood’ lust and Jacob’s animal sexuality are Meyer’s way of making sex dangerous and foreboding.

In the “Twilight” series sex is threatening, mystical and frightening unless you are married. It’s the Purity Ring of movie franchises, clinging desperately to an outdated idea of chastity as the only way to live. Teens are sexually active and the more society attempts to frighten them away from sexuality the more dangerous teen experimentation becomes. Instead of teaching teens the joy of safe, responsible sex, “Twilight” preaches abstinence through fear and encourages ignorance in the form of outdated moralism.

If you must send this chastity/abstinence/purity message then at least do it better than this. In The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, the message is delivered with Ms. Meyer and screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg employing undercooked analogies, juvenile romantic fantasy, and groan inducing monologue that run page after page apparently communicating what the writers felt could not be communicated by the cast through that talent known as acting.

Like the first and second film in the saga, “Eclipse” is for fans only. Those who love the books are blind to the immature romance, the stolid monologues, and the attempt to push an abstinence message in the guise of a Vampire movie. I’m sure if Twi-hards would pull their eyes away from Edward’s gleaming skin or Jacob’s rippling abs they would see this series for what it is; but trust me that is never going to happen.

Movie Review: The Twilight Saga New Moon

The Twilight Saga New Moon (2009) 

Directed by Chris Weitz 

Written by Melissa Rosenberg

Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Billy Burke, Kellen Lutz, Michael Sheen, Dakota Fanning, Anna Kendrick, Peter Facinelli 

Release Date November 20th, 2009 

Published November 19th, 2009

I am not a member of the cult of Stephanie Meyers. I have only skimmed her series of teen Vampire novels and I found what I did read to be insipid. Her faux- teen angst combined with proto-Shakespearean catchphrases barely serve to cover her puddle deep metaphors for chastity and purity. Sure, she's got Vampires and Werewolves but each is about as dangerous in Ms. Meyers' universe as feral cats. Never mind her complete disregard for decade’s worth of established Vampire lore. 

The movie made from her first book, Twilight, was made tolerable only through the earnest efforts of the talented lead actors Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Though they seemed as uncomfortable with Ms. Meyers goofball pseudo-romance as I was, they sold it like champs. Too bad they had to come back for a sequel.

When last we left preternaturally bummed out Vampire Edward and his beloved Bella they were sharing a moment at the Forks High School Prom. Since then Bella has been suffering nightmares that she believes can only be cured by becoming a Vampire herself. Edward declines, he likes her better not dead.

Things come to a head on Bella's 18th birthday when she cuts herself and is nearly devoured by Edward's family. Feeling guilty that he cannot protect Bella, Edward calls the whole thing off and disappears. A devastated, Bella then falls into the arms of her pal Jakob (Taylor Lautner). Too bad for Bella that Jakob too has a deep, dark, supernatural secret, he's a werewolf who kills Vampires. Ooooh, feel that tension rise?

I am supposed to believe there is tension there, I think. To tell the truth, New Moon, as crafted by directed by Chris Weitz, is such a shambles of mixed motivations, missing scenes and bizarrely edited dream sequences, it's a wonder I managed to feel anything but blind confusion. New Moon is not for the uninitiated. If you have not read the books and even if you have seen the first film, you will likely be at a loss to follow New Moon's many preposterous plot turns. Thankfully, I watched New Moon with a fan or I would have given up after the opening dream sequence or the second ghost Edward. Don't ask.

Fans of the books, I am told, will be exceptionally satisfied with New Moon. The fan I watched it with was in tears at one point from the giddy thrill of seeing her favorite scenes rendered before her eyes. She was also forced to explain things to the rest of us so often that she likely missed a few scenes. It didn't matter to her, the book lives in her brain.

Whither Mr. Pattinson and Ms. Stewart. The yeoman effort that carried them through Twilight is missing almost entirely in New Moon. Mr. Pattinson spits every piece lame dialogue through his clenched, sculpted jaw while Ms. Stewart plays with her hair and cries as her way of fighting through the morass of Stephanie Meyers' puddle deep metaphors and Bard-light dialogue. We get it Stephanie Meyers, Vampire bite equals sex. Sex before marriage means damnation. Blah, blah, blah. I have seen sixth grade school plays with more complex use of metaphor. Insipid representations aside, New Moon is a chore even without the dull witted moralizing.

The Twilight Saga New Moon is a new kind of modern blockbuster, a self reflexive movie meant only to appeal to people guaranteed to love it unconditionally. Fan, as we often must remind ourselves, is short for fanatic, and only a fanatic could so willingly overlook the glaring flaws of writer Stephanie Meyers and the movie made of her book New Moon.

Movie Review Push

Push (2009) 

Directed by Paul McGuigan

Written by David Bourla 

Starring Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning, Camilla Belle, Ming Na, Cliff Curtis 

Release Date February 6th, 2009

Published February 5th, 2009 

Director Paul McGuigan directed the clever, funny, con-man comedy Lucky Number Slevin. It was his first feature and it should have portended great things for his career. Sadly for his Slevin follow up McGuigan chose Push, a terribly goofy comic book movie about psychic superheroes and a government conspiracy. Where Slevin was endlessly inventive, Push is predictable and sloppy.

What a shame.

Handsomely mild actor Chris Evans stars in Push as Nick a man on the run since his father was hunted down and murdered by a mysterious  government entity. Since then Nick has lived off the grid in Japan hoping to keep a low enough profile to be left alone. That all changes when Nick is discovered by a teenage psychic named Cassie (Dakota Fanning) who has had a vision about him and her and their deaths.

On the bright side, she's also had a vision about a young woman named Kira (Camilla Belle) who may be able to save them. Kira is the only person ever to escape from the shadowy government forces chasing Nick and Cassie and if they find her she could be the key to bringing the conspiracy down. Add in a helpful psychic con man (Cliff Curtis) and another more powerful psychic hiding out as a fake psychic (Ming Na) and you have a misfit team ready for battle.

The premise of Push plays not at all unlike the TV series Heroes. Both are about shady conspiracy, hunting down people with special abilities and wild special effects. Both are also wildly divergent in quality, Heroes can vary from week to week with good episodes and not so good ones. Push has one chance to work and fails.

I have been a little dismissive of the story potential of Push. There is certainly nothing wrong with a comic book style movie about superheroes. The key is making those heroes compelling and their journey interesting beyond their powers. Director McGuigan and screenwriter David Bourla fail this by vaguely defining the powers and muddying the government conspiracy premise.

Not that a cleaner narrative might have made much of a difference. The super powers on display, people pushing other people with their minds or controlling objects with their minds or seeing the future, simply are not all that interesting. The best superheroes have powers that comment on their personality. The abilities reflect the man (or less often the woman) and we learn something about them through their uniqueness.

No such comment or reflection emerges from Push. Instead we have a series of dull, uninspired effects scenes.

I expected much more from Director Paul McGuigan. Lucky Number Slevin was the kind of debut that promises so much more from a director's future. It was a far from perfect movie but a clever, funny, imaginative film. Push is nearly the complete opposite. Derivative and uninspired, Push is disappointing beyond Director Paul McGuigan. It's disappointing to have to have sat through such a lacking effort.

Movie Review: Charlotte's Web

Charlotte's Web (2006) 

Directed by Gary Winick 

Written by Susannah Grant, Karey Kirkpatrick 

Starring Julia Roberts, Dakota Fanning, Robert Redford, Steve Buscemi, Oprah Winfrey, Kathy Bates

Release Date December 16th, 2006 

Published December 15th, 2006 

Most people of my generation, Gen-X, were exposed to E.B White's classic children's fable Charlotte's Web by the cartoon adaptation that was a television staple since its creation in 1972. Interesting fact about that adaptation, E.B White hated it. He was wary of Hollywood to begin with and found the adaptation to be lightweight and far too Hollywood.

There is no telling what he would think of the latest incarnation of Charlotte's Web; White died in 1985. However, he did once hope that the film would be given a live action treatment. Under the whimsical direction of Gary Winick (13 Going On 30) with a slightly updated script by Karey Kirkpatrick (Over The Hedge) and Susannah Grant (In her Shoes), this live action Charlotte's Web has the kind of magic that I think E.B White may have appreciated, especially as a fan of talking animals.

Wilbur (voice of Dominic Scott Kay) was a runt pig on his way to slaughter. Thankfully, young Fern (Dakota Fanning) was witness to his birth and stepped in to prevent his execution. The first few months of this spring-pigs life were spent as Fern's pampered pet. However, once school started and the holiday season grew closer, Wilbur's fate seemed to be Christmas dinner.

No longer allowed to be Fern's pet, Wilbur is banished to the barn owned by Fern's uncle, Mr. Zuckerman, where a menagerie of not so friendly neighbors await. Maybe they are just being realistic and not wanting to get close to an animal so likely to be gone by the first snow, but the animals in the Zuckerman barn are a little standoffish.

That is, except for Charlotte (Julia Roberts), a spider who befriends the lonely little pig. Charlotte can relate to being an outcast. As a spider she is not exactly on good terms with her neighbors either. Some are afraid, like Ike the horse (Robert Redford), others are disgusted by her, like Samuel the sheep (John Cleese). Wilbur becomes Charlotte's first friend. Eventually the two become close enough that Charlotte breaks the bad news to him about his likely fate but also promises to find a way to save him.

When I first began seeing trailers for this new Charlotte's Web I was concerned. The trailers featured fart jokes which to me signaled desperation and created the worry that such modern touches would all involve bathroom humor. My memories of Charlotte's Web from childhood are of a classy cartoon that even made the rat Templeton acceptable, even as he rolled in garbage.

Thankfully, my worries were unfounded. The bathroom humor in Charlotte's Web is limited to just a few scenes. What is prevalent throughout this new adaptation is a classy, old school approach to storytelling. Director Gary Winick spins a wondrous tale that is the perfect mixture of sugary sap and honest, touching emotion. The film is at times so saccharine you need to call your dentist but by the end you will find that you've spent the entire film with a smile on your face and maybe even a hint of a tear in the corner of your eye as one of the main characters passes away.

Julia Roberts provides the voice of Charlotte and her soft, honey soaked tones are so soothing you can't help but fall in love with this spider. Soft and sweet, her voice is the calming element needed to leaven the mood of the other voice actors who are either hyper or extremely put on. Roberts brought a similar vocal smoothness to the animated film The Ant Bully earlier this year, another film where her voice-work stands out.

Like the animated version of this story, this Charlotte's Web has a lovely timeless quality. Even with the CGI necessary to create the talking animals, Charlotte's Web has such a classic look and such an old school approach to storytelling that it seems like it could have existed 40 years ago. Director Gary Winick perfectly captures the innocence of E.B White's fable, his characters ,and even the slightly dark undertones of the story that give it such depth and resonance.

Charlotte's Web is at times a little cloying and at times a little too sweet but most of all, Charlott'e Web is a solidly crafted piece of G-rated children's entertainment. The nostalgia factor makes it appealing to adults as well as children but parents will likely be surprised just how much they enjoy  the feel of this film even beyond their memories of the cartoon and the classic book.

Movie Review: The Runaways

The Runaways (2010) 

Directed by Fioria Sigismondi 

Written by Fioria Sigismondi 

Starring Kristen Stewart, Dakota Fanning, Michael Shannon 

Release Date March 19th, 2010 

Published March 18th, 2010 

No wonder we are so hyper-vigilant about teen sexuality these days. Apparently in the 1970's every adult in the country was looking the other way. How else to explain how “The Runaways” became overnight sensations selling the sexuality of 15 year old lead singer Cherie Currie all the way to world tours and platinum records.

Now, I'm sure there was outrage at the time but that is not in the movie “The Runaways.” Instead we get a film that is as eager to capitalize on the sexuality of 16 year old Dakota Fanning as much as real life record exec Kim Fowley, portrayed in the film by Oscar nominee Michael Shannon, who eagerly and greedily exploited the real Cherie Currie.

Based on Currie's biographical account of her life, “Neon Angel,” “The Runaways” stars Fanning as the David Bowie influenced Currie and “Twiilght's” Kristen Stewart as the Suzy Quatro loving Joan Jett. Thrust together by record exec Kim Fowley, who saw the novel possibilities of an all girl punk band just as punk was bubbling up to the mainstream, the two teenagers from broken homes bonded and made memorable music and more together.

Find my full length review at Beat.Media