Movie Review: Two for the Money

Two for the Money (2005) 

Directed by D.J Caruso 

Written by Dan Gilroy

Starring Al Pacino, Matthew McConaughey, Rene Russo, Armand Assante, Jeremy Piven

Release Date October 7th, 2005

Published October 7th, 2005 

Director D.J. Caruso may have peaked too soon. His feature directing debut The Salton Sea is a gritty noir masterpiece that overcomes simplistic comparisons to Tarantino by out Quentin-ing Quentin. The combination of grit and style is perfect and everything comes together with the career redefining performance of Val Kilmer.

So what happened? Caruso moved up to studio pictures with the thriller Taking Lives and delivered a stylish piece of mainstream formulaic garbage. Now with yet another slick mainstream disappointment, albeit much improved, it is definitely time to return to the indies. The sports gambling melodrama Two For The Money is fast paced and stylish but compared to Salton Sea, it's simply not up to snuff when coming from a former indie auteur.

Two For The Money stars Matthew McConaughey as Brandon Long, a failed college quarterback who, after blowing out his knee in a big game, keeps his NFL dreams alive with failed tryouts in the arena league. While he awaits his return to the field he works as a wage slave at nine hundred number recording service.

Brandon's life-changing moment comes when the guy who records the NFL picks gets sick and Brandon takes his place. His ability to pick winners is Rainman-esqe and earns him the attention of gambling guru, Walter Abrams (Al Pacino). Abrams' sports advisors are a fly by night operation that skirts the anti-sports gambling laws by "advising" gamblers in exchange for a piece of their winnings.

Abrams transplants Brandon from his mother's house to a penthouse in New York City. Soon Brandon Lang is gone and John Anthony 'The Million Dollar Man' is in. Again Brandon's winning streak is uncanny and millions begin pouring in. However, as Jeremy Piven's fellow prognosticator points out; the sports gambling gods are fickle and soon Brandon/John Anthony's win streak is over.

Two For The Money moves at a quick clip and is a slickly organized character piece that falls prey to sports movie cliches even while only on the outskirts of the actual sport. What Fast and The Furious did for fast cars Two For The Money does for sports gambling, capturing the pulse pounding excitement, the visceral high of winning and the cost of losing.

What the film does best is capture the character of a true addict. Pacino essays a performance here with elements of his satanic character in Devils Advocate and his beleaguered publicist in the underappreciated People I Know and crafts one of his best performances of the past ten years. Pacino has not been this on key since Donnie Brasco and while it's not an Oscar worthy return to form-- the film itself is too flawed for that-- watching Pacino on his game is a real delight.

Matthew McConaughey still has a way to go to shed the lightweight image he has earned for onscreen fare like How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days and The Wedding Planner and offscreen for his much publicized love life and bongo playing. Breezy plot free actioners like Sahara have not helped either. In Two For The Money McConaughey strikes beefcake poses and makes goo goo eyes at Rene Russo, as Pacino's wife, but fails to deliver anything below the surface.

A feature narrative at its most basic level follows a character through a life changing experience that should make them wiser in the end. Essentially the lead character needs to learn a lesson. In Two For The Money Brandon begins one way and ends up just the same way. You never get the sense that he learns anything other than you can't trust a man like Walter Abrams. What lesson does Brandon really learn? How is he changed forever? Is he just never going to work for Walter again? Not much of a lesson really.

Pacino's character has a similarly flat arc. In the beginning Walter is reformed from every possible vice. As Russo's character puts it, if there is a meeting for it he goes. Once he takes on Brandon, cleans him up, and starts living vicariously through his winning, he succumbs to his demons and soon is the devil he once was. But was he ever really reformed? The film dangles a number of loose ends as to Walter's many vices and never ties them up.

Despite the troubled plot there is still alot to enjoy about Two For The Money, especially in D.J. Caruso's lightning fast pace and stylish big city setting. Caruso keeps the movie running at a rate that seems impossible to sustain and keeps it going all the way to the finish. The fast pace is probably there to cover up the thin narrative but it also serves to amp up the visceral excitement of winning and losing that pervades every scene. What Two For The Money lacks in depth it nearly makes up for in excitement.

But the best part about Two For The Money is the old school Pacino in rare form. Watch a scene where Pacino and McConaughey attend a gamblers anonymous meeting. Pacino's soliloquy on the gamblers love of losing is a four minute masterpiece of delivery and actorly flair. It's so good he really should have taken a curtain call.

The film captures the high that winning and even losing gamblers feel when in the thick of a big score. With a quick pace and polished look you barely notice that the film is all shiny surface. The filmmaking is so strong I can recommend it simply for the panache and composition alone. I cannot makes heads or tales of a betting line but the mechanics of sports betting are not the subject of Two For The Money but rather a vehicle for creating tension and excitement.

The betting line can make even the lamest sunday NFL contest a tense nail biter. Your team not only has to win the game they have to win by a particular number of points. Sometimes your team does not have to win the game for you to cash in.  They merely must lose by a particular number of points. You can even wager on how many points both teams will score in the game or which team will score first.  All very complicated for someone not in the know like myself.

Two For The Money is not for the recovering gambler, safe to say. The film makes sports betting look incredibly exciting and kinetic and will entice more than a few moviegoers into placing a few bets of their own. If the plot had come together a little better maybe the film itself would be as exciting as its betting lines. As it is Two For The Money is a flawed but always interesting movie that at the very least reinvigorates the moribund career of Al Pacino. For that alone Two For The Money is worth betting the price of a movie ticket.

Movie Review Righteous Kill

Righteous Kill (2008) 

Directed by Jon Avnet

Written by Russell Gewirtz 

Starring Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Curtis Jackson Carla Gugino

Release Date September 12th, 2008

Published September 11th, 2008

20 years ago people buzzed about the idea of Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino working together. 20 years ago, people would have lined up around the block and Oscar voters would salivate over the chance to vote for a Pacino-DeNiro teaming. 20 Years is a long time ago. DeNiro and Pacino did tease fans a little in their brief scenes together in Michael Mann's Heat but one could argue, with the length and breadth of that film. even with one scene together, they are barely in the same movie.

Thus Righteous Kill really is the first time Pacino and DeNiro, two of the finest actors of the last 50 years have teamed up. 20 since the teaming would have had relevance and buzz, Righteous Kill arrives after DeNiro has begun to lower his profile and work less and less and after Pacino has stumbled through a series of failures.

In Righteous Kill Robert DeNiro is Turk, a detective on the beat for years. Al Pacino is his partner Rooster and together they have done questionable things to get the bad guys. Lately, someone has been doing Turk and Rooster's job for them, hunting down and killing New York's worst of the worst. A series of murders where the killer leaves behind a poem referring to the crimes committed by the deceased.

Bodies pile up like cordwood and the evidence begins to point to a cop. In fact, the evidence seems to lead right to Turk. Rooster backs his partner, but even Turk's girlfriend (Carla Gugino) , a forensics expert, seems suspicious. John Leguizamo and Donnie Wahlberg play a pair of fellow cops who also caught one of the poetry murders and come to suspect Turk.

I would love to tell you that director Jon Avnett takes this premise and uses it to keep you on the edge of your seat. I would love to be able to tell you that the plot is tight and lean and to the point but I can't. The fact is Righteous Kill is one of the sloppiest thrillers of the last decade. Though slightly better than Avnet's last teaming with Pacino, the abysmal 88 Minutes, Righteous Kill is as incomprehensible and ludicrous as any movie of the last decade.

Scenes pile up and go nowhere. Scenes of suspense and misdirection turn confusing and messy. Even as we are baffled by scenes that don't seem to make any sense, we still somehow are not the least bit surprised when the end arrives and the killer is revealed. Such is the botched effort of Righteous Kill, it's not even confusing enough to engender suspense from its own muddled nature.

As bad as Righteous Kill is, I cannot deny being compelled, ever so briefly, by DeNiro and Pacino. These two veterans, even far from the tops of their game, are still so charismatic that their talent can shine through the morass of something as awful and convoluted as this. As the film devolves and the two begin stagey speeches that go nowhere, you can't help admire the skill and commitment of these two legends.

Righteous Kill is a sloppy, slipshod effort that tries and fails to capitalize on the presence of two exceptional actors. It goes to show that no matter how good the actor, no one can overcome bad direction, bad plotting and bad editing. Really, Righteous Kill is just bad everything. Even bad DeNiro and Pacino who need to be called out for indulging such an incomprehensible mess.

Movie Review Simone

Simone (2002) 

Directed by Andrew Niccol 

Written by Andrew Niccol 

Starring Al Pacino, Catherine Keener, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Jay Mohr

Release Date August 23rd, 2002

Published August 26th, 2002 

The question of computer-generated actors is a very recent one. It began just last year, with the computer animated Final Fantasy, a colossal failure. It will soon be put to the test to bring Bruce Lee back from the dead. In the new Andrew Niccol satire Simone the topic is spun comedically though with an actual actress portraying the so-called synthespian.

Al Pacino is struggling director Viktor Taransky, whose last three pictures have bombed. His new film is to be his comeback until his temperamental leading lady (played by Winona Ryder) walks of the picture, leaving Viktor unable to complete the film. The head of the studio, who is also Viktor's ex wife, shelves his film and kicks him off the lot.

While packing up, Viktor is accosted by a mad scientist who claims he has solved Viktor's problem with overly temperamental actors. The scientist (Elias Koteas in a cameo) claims he has created an entirely CGI actress. Taransky doesn't believe him, but after the scientist dies and leaves Viktor the computer program, he discovers the scientist wasn't kidding and Simone is created. Viktor uses Simone to complete his film and she is a huge success. She quickly becomes a huge star but her fame grows out of control and soon Viktor begins too lose his grip on his creation.

A guarded secret during the film’s production was the identity of the actress laying the computer simulation, her name is Rachel Stevens and she is fantastic. Though one of the film’s drawbacks is she isn't called on to do very much. I spent most of the film wanting to see more of Simone.

The film has some biting satire of the nature of celebrity and Hollywood in general, however the film never really comes together. Director Andrew Niccol, the man wrote The Truman Show and directed the film Gattaca here combines element of both those films which give the film a strong base but no general direction. Director Niccol never really figures out what point he is trying to make.

Pacino for his part is game; he doesn't get enough credit for his sense of humor. Simone though doesn't have enough humor. What it does have is very funny but it's not enough for the film’s 2 hour plus runtime and by the end it completely runs out of steam. The ending is extremely unsatisfying and undoes a lot what the film had accomplished until then. It's not a bad film but best to wait till it's on the shelf at blockbuster. 

Movie Review Insomnia

Insomnia (2002) 

Directed by Christopher Nolan

Written by Hillary Seitz 

Starring Al Pacino, Robin Williams, Hilary Swank, Maura Tierney, Martin Donovan, Nicky Katt

Release Date May 24th, 2002 

Published May 23rd, 2002 

How many times has Al Pacino played a cop? About half as many times as his cohort Robert Deniro, but that is still a lot. However, Pacino has never played cop in a film directed by Christopher Nolan. That is an important distinction. As Nolan has shown, in his previous efforts Memento and Following, that genre is a dirty word. With Nolan at the helm, you know you’re not in for your typical police procedural.

Insomnia has Pacino playing Detective Will Dormer, on loan from the LAPD to an old friend who is the sheriff of Nightmute, Alaska. Dormer and his partner Hap are momentarily escaping an internal affairs investigation that threatens to destroy Dormer's high profile reputation. On arriving in Nightmute, Dormer is met by a young local cop named Ellie Burr (Hillary Swank) who fills us in on how well known Dormer is by discussing his many big cases which she studied while in the police academy.

As for the case itself, a teenage girl was found in a garbage dump having been beaten to death. The case breaks quickly as Dormer and the local cops lock onto a suspect after the discovery of the dead girl’s personal items. The discovery leads to a stakeout that goes horribly wrong, leading to the death of Will's partner and a cover-up that calls Will's integrity into question.

While investigating under the noses of the local cops, Dormer uses some questionable tactics to discover a suspect, a mystery writer named Walter Finch (Robin Williams). Somehow, Finch knows Dormer's secret and tries to use it against him. This begins a cat and mouse game where the mouse proves to be smarter and more adaptive than the cat. 

Insomnia isn't about police procedure and chase scenes, it's about atmosphere and intellect. Williams and Pacino play fantastic cat and mouse with Williams tormenting Pacino with his inability to sleep due to Alaska's never-setting summer sun. Both Williams and Pacino are spectacular as they leave their previous screen chewing person's behind.

Director Christopher Nolan brilliantly uses the never-ending sunlight of this unusual and unlikely location as the perfect backdrop for this intensely dark suspense flick. As Pacino drives around at 3 in the morning and the sun shines, it is as if the light turned his mind into a prison shining a harsh light on his guilty conscience and many regretful decisions.

Nolan is becoming one of the best directors in the world, an auteur whose genius lies in keeping both the audience and his characters off balance. In Memento it was Leonard's short term memory, in Following it was the young man’s writer's block and guilty conscience, and in Insomnia it's Dormer's inability to sleep that keeps the audience and the characters from ever getting comfortable or complacent.

Insomnia is a strong move into the mainstream for Christopher Nolan who manages to make a Hollywood film without compromising his artistic vision and Auteurist style.

Movie Review Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2019) 

Directed by Quentin Tarentino 

Written by Quentin Tarentino 

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Margot Robbe, Al Pacino, Margaret Qualley 

Release Date July 26th, 2019 

Published July 25th, 2019 

Quentin Tarentino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is a masterpiece of mood, tone and directorial command. The film is at once a classically Quentin Tarentino style fetish film, a film that explores and lives within the things that Tarentino has long shown an obsession for and a much looser, more relaxed movie than what Tarentino has made before. Yes, the characters are still whip smart and the dialogue comes in bursts of wordy pop aphorisms, but the mood is much more subdued than we are used to with QT and it works really well for this story. 

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood stars Leonardo DiCaprio as Rick Dalton. Rick is a former television star, the star of the NBC series “Bounty Law” on which he played famed bounty hunter Jake Cahill. However, since the series went off the air several years before the story we are being told here, Rick has struggled to get parts, settling most often to play bad guys to a new generation of Jake Cahill’s eager to get a shine off of punching Jake Cahill in the face. 

This new reality for Rick is brought home in a conversation with an agent played by Al Pacino who does not mince words. The agent is trying to seduce Rick into using what is left of his star power to make several Italian spaghetti westerns, a move that would force Rick to move to Rome for six months. Rick doesn’t like the Italian westerns, he feels they are beneath him. The offer is an indication to Rick that his career has truly hit the skids. 

Keeping Rick from a full on meltdown is his best friend and stunt double Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt). Cliff is a pragmatist who points out that spending six months in Rome making westerns is better than sitting at home doing nothing, something that he’s been forced to do more often of late since his stunt career hit the skids. There is a rumor about Cliff that has made the rounds in Hollywood and his work as Rick’s stunt double has come to halt. 

Now, Cliff works as Rick’s driver and Man Friday, someone who handles tasks that Rick has no time for. Being that Cliff doesn’t have much to do, and because he genuinely does like Rick, Cliff actually appears content to live on this way, running errands for his friend, driving him around and generally just hanging out at his modest trailer with his dog, drinking beer and watching Mannix. It’s not much of a life but it is Cliff’s life. 

Running parallel to the stories of Rick and Cliff is the story of Sharon Tate. History tells the tragic tale that Sharon Tate, the bright, young rising starlet, married to the hottest director on the planet, Roman Polanski, is best remembered for having been murdered. Sharon was one of the victims of The Manson Family, another thread moving through the background of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Margot Robbe plays Tate at her most breathtaking and youthful. Her beauty and effervescence underlines the tragedy of what is to come. 

The Manson Family provides one of the most unique and fascinating sequences of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, a brief mini-movie within the movie. Cliff becomes enamored of a young Hollywood hippie hitchhiker named Pussycat (Margaret Qualley). After offering Pussycat a ride, Cliff finds himself at Spahn Ranch where he and Rick had filmed many episodes of Bounty Law some 8 years earlier.

Arriving at the ranch, Cliff is surprised to see the former film lot is now the home of a large group of hippies. The place is a full on commune but with a palpable sense of cultishness. Cliff was once familiar with the much older owner of Spahn Ranch, George Spahn (Bruce Dern) and is curious to find out if the old man has truly allowed this mob of young people to live on his ranch. You will need to see Once Upon a Time in Hollywood to see how this plays out but the tension and the tight, well held mood of this sequence is riveting. Brad Pitt’s movie star charisma carries the scene and I could not take my eyes off of him. 

The Spahn Ranch sequence is part of the remarkable second act of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood which separates our three leads into their own mini-stories. For Sharon Tate, she is in downtown Hollywood and decides to go see herself on the big screen in her first major role, opposite Dean Martin in one of his Matt Helm adventures. Here Tarentino crafts a breathtaking sequence where his Sharon Tate is watching the real Sharon Tate on the big screen and it is magical. There is something so innocent and beautiful in the way Robbe’s Sharon delights in the antics and acting of the real life Sharon. 

As for DiCaprio’s Rick Dalton, he’s on the set of yet another younger star’s television series. Timothy Olyphant plays James Stacy, a long time fan of Bounty Law who is excited for the chance to best Jake Cahill on his show, Lancer. Rick is anxious and struggling with deep angst about his place in Hollywood when he encounters Trudi (Julia Butters), an 8 year old who practices in Method Acting, insisting on being called by her character’s name, Marjabelle. 

Through his emotional encounter with Trudi, Rick will have a breakdown and breakthrough moment that is an absolute must see. DiCaprio is incredible in this sequence in ways that must be seen to be believed. DiCaprio has always been a terrific actor and movie star but here, in this series of scenes, we are watching some of the best work of DiCaprio’s career. DiCaprio has presented Rick as a star beset by anxiety and vainly concerned about his star status and DiCaprio makes him vulnerable and even likable in these moments even as he is also an arrogant, self-obsessed, over-privileged actor. 

I won’t talk about anything regarding the third act of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood other than to say it left me floored. It’s Tarentino in all the best ways and you need to see it for yourself. Mind you, it’s not for the squeamish, but it is incredible in the most unexpected and exciting ways. It must be experienced to be believed. The last act of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood brings the fairy tale of 60’s Hollywood to a close in remarkable fashion. 

I completely adore Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. The film is deeply compelling, remarkably cool and filled to the brim with those classically Tarentino moments. If you have loved Tarentino’s previous films, as I have, you are going to adore this one just as much. It’s a success of brilliant pace and unusual moments of ingenuity. The mini-story structure is perfect, each little story within the larger, overarching story works brilliantly into a whole movie that could not be more compelling or entertaining. 

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is one of the best movies of 2019. 

Movie Review Ocean's 13

Ocean's 13 (2007) 

Directed by Steven Soderbergh 

Written by Brian Koppelman, David Levien 

Starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Don Cheadle, Al Pacino, Ellen Barkin 

Release Date June 8th, 2007 

Published June 7th, 2007 

The breezy filmed cocktail party atmosphere of the first two Ocean's pictures continues to charm in Ocean's 13. However, even as the stars remain witty and charismatic and director Steven Soderbergh's direction becomes more confident and experimental, there is a fatigued quality setting in. Like a party beginning to wind down, Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones have already left, Ocean's 13 has drifted late into the night and it's time to lock the doors and send everyone home. But, hey, we did have a good time.

Al Pacino sets the plot of Ocean's 13 in motion as a jerky hotel financier named Willy Bank. Having entered into a deal with our old friend Reuben (Elliott Gould) to open the biggest new resort on the strip, Willy has decided to renege on the deal. Reuben is out, his steak of several million dollars is gone, but mostly he has lost his pride. Not long after Willy rips him off, Reuben has a heart attack that leads to severe depression and a nearly comatose state.

Enter Reuben's old pals Danny (George Clooney) Rusty (Brad Pitt) and Linus (Matt Damon) seeking vengeance. Reuben was a surrogate father to Rusty and Danny and after helping the Ocean's crew in each of their largest ventures, Reuben is family and so the plan is set in motion to ruin the casino and find a way for Reuben to get his cash back.

The plot set in motion is... complicated. It involves kidnapping a group of high roller gamblers, putting down a workers revolt in Mexico, and generating an Earthquake in Nevada. If that isn't complicated enough, how about throwing in Super Dave Osbourne as an FBI agent ready to throw the whole scheme into uproar, seeming to trip his way into Danny and Rusty's deeply complicated con. 

Director Steven Soderbergh is one of the busiest, most involved directors in the game. Even in the slick trifle that is Ocean's 13; Soderbergh not only directs, he slaps the camera on his shoulder and shoots the picture (the credits say Peter Andrews but that is just Steven Soderbergh's alias). Soderbergh is also the executive producer on the film and is seemingly involved in every aspect of the film down to the dice chosen for a pivotal scene.

It is Soderbergh's attention to detail that keeps this bloated cast party from becoming just a star vehicle. Don't get me wrong, this is still predominantly a star vehicle, but Soderbergh's herculean efforts lend the production a little artistic credibility.The film doesn't need it but it doesn't hurt to have it. Soderbergh crafts a dynamic look for Ocean's 13 that is perfectly fitting of the Vegas setting. It's what he's done throughout this franchise but it remains a notably positive element. 

Ocean's 13 is a charm factory. The glint in the eyes of this group of actors is why we turn out and why we have such a good time. When Clooney, Pitt, Damon and the gang are obviously having a great time the vibe is infectious and it radiates from the screen. Whether it's Pitt and Clooney's clowning on one another or the way Matt Damon is very much the little brother of the three, we can't help but feel like we are being let into the inner circle of our favorite stars, even for just a moment.

It's unfortunate that neither Julia Roberts or Catherine Zeta Jones could not stick around for the end of the extended cocktail party that are the Ocean's movies. Those knockout stars are replaced in Ocean's 13 by Ellen Barkin, a beautiful actress whose career has languished in B-movie leads the last few years. Reunited with her Sea Of Love co-star Al Pacino, Barkin's role is sadly underwritten and she plays things overly broad to cover.

As for Mr. Pacino; he seems invigorated by this role. He gets into the spirit right away with good humor and quick wit. If only his casino owner character were a more formidable foe for Danny and company. Despite what we are told is the most sophisticated security system in the world, Willy Bank's casino gets knocked over by the most outlandish scheme imaginable. It reduces Pacino's villain to merely a plot hanger, a reason why things happen and little more. 

Keep in mind however, dear reader, the scheme is not the point of Ocean's 13. Rather, the heist just provides the setting for the charm assault of this exceptional group of actors. Whether it's Casey Affleck and Scott Caan leading a worker revolt in Mexico or Bernie Mac flashing that sneaky bright white smile undercover as a domino dealer, every actor in the Ocean's crew has at least a moment where they delight the audience. And then there is David Paymer as a Hotel critic who gets wrapped up in the Ocean's 13 scheme. Keep an eye on him because his few moments of sad sack humor are priceless. Paymer is a small but welcome addition to the Ocean's canon. 

Ocean's 13 is yet another superfluous, throwaway blockbuster; entertaining in exactly the ways that all throwaway blockbusters are. Perfectly aware of its charm and good looks, Ocean's 13 proceeds from one scene to the next with supreme confidence and great humor. The good vibes are infectious and while you are unlikely to remember much of what you saw later, you will be entertained in the moment and with this kind of blockbuster, that's all you can ask.

Movie Review Gigli

Gigli (2003) 

Directed by Martin Brest 

Written by Martin Brest 

Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bartha 

Release Date August 1st, 2003 

Published August 1st, 2003 

In Hollywood history, there have been some monumental disasters. MGM's failure to recognize that the musical had run it's course led to the massive bombs Kiss Me Kate and Paint Your Wagon. The vanity of stars Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman lead to the disastrous release of Ishtar Ishtar. And, of course, the greatest disaster of all time the, the costliest bomb in Hollywood history is 1963's Cleopatra.

With history in mind, where does the Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez disaster Gigli rank in this pantheon? Though it wasn't as costly as Cleopatra or as awful as Ishtar, Gigli is remarkable for taking two very appealing actors and turning them into two of the worst, most annoying characters ever put to film. Gigli somehow cost more than 75 million dollars to make and you can't see any of that money on the screen. If you told me that there was evidence that Gigli was the result of a The Producers style scam betting on its failure, I would believe you. 

The film's title, Gigli, is pronounced Gee-ly, or as  Ben Affleck explains in an embarrassing voiceover, his character’s name rhymes with Really, as in really, really dull. Affleck is Larry Gigli, a low level mob enforcer who, when we first meet him, is explaining to a potential victim what might happen if you put a human being in an industrial size clothes dryer and put it on permanent press. Whether this monologue is supposed to be humorous or menacing is a perfect example of the numerous problems with the film, which can't decide on a tone or genre. The monologue lands in a place where it isn't funny or menacing. 

From there, we move into the film’s plot. The story of Gigli centers on Larry kidnapping the mentally challenged brother of a federal prosecutor. As played by Justin Bartha, the character of Brian is yet another of those idealized Hollywood versions of the mentally handicapped, who exhibits his mentally challenged qualities with tics and through an obsession with the TV show Baywatch, which he calls 'The Baywatch.' 

The kidnapping goes quite smoothly but Larry's mob bosses don't think he can handle the job. Enter an independent mob contractor named Ricki (Lopez). Ricki's job is to keep an eye on Larry and the kid and be Larry's love interest. Of course, that is complicated by the fact that Ricki is a lesbian. Nevertheless, the film grinds forward on the premise that Larry is so charming that even a lesbian might be intrigued enough to give him a try. UGH! 

Once Ricki is introduced, we are treated to a series of exasperating and incomprehensible scenes featuring some of the worst dialogue in film history. The lines that have gotten most of the attention are the lead up to the big sex scene. For some reason when Ricki decides, at least temporarily, to switch teams, she says to Larry, quote "It's Turkey time, gobble gobble". What in God's name does that mean? Is it a reference to oral sex? Turkey's don't gobble, that's just our closest approximation to what we think Turkey's sound like. I'm over-thinking this, but still. What? Now, in fairness, there does appear to be a scene missing that might have given context to that dialogue but even so I can't imagine any scene that would make that dialogue sexy.

Another dialogue piece that has received notice is a pair of monologues celebrating the male and female genitalia. The monologues are well thought out and if delivered correctly could have been witty, insightful, even sexy. However, as delivered by Affleck and Lopez and contextualized by director Martin Brest, they are flat, ineffectual filler. Affleck delivers his monologue through the single worst accent in film history and Lopez delivers hers with an air of disaffection that connotes boredom when it's supposed to evoke, at the least, lust. It doesn't help that Brest lights the scene as if it was a rehearsal setup and employs a score that tries desperately to manipulate the audience into giving a damn.

Speaking of the score, it's one of the classic signs of a bad movie when you begin to make not of the film score. As employed by director Martin Brest, the score of Gigli helps to muddle the film’s tone and confuse its genre classification. Is this supposed to be a comedy, a romantic comedy, a drama? Determining a film’s genre has never been important to me. I believe a good film transcends any classification. However, when a film is so confused with its intentions it helps to be able to fall back on its own classification as a way of determining the director's intent. With Gigli, it's completely unclear what anyone intended this movie to be. 

I didn't want to believe that Ben Affleck could make a film as bad as everyone said this was. Affleck has been a favorite of mine for a while thanks to his stellar work with Kevin Smith and especially his self-effacing humor on the commentary tracks of the Smith film DVDs. Those commentary tracks are as funny as the movies they are about and Affleck is especially funny. So watching Gigli is that much more disheartening. Say what you will about Daredevil or Bounce, I liked both of those films, and Phantoms is at least good for a cheap laugh. Gigli has no redeeming values at all, it's simply horrendous and so is Ben's performance in it.

Sadly, a terrible performance is nothing new for Jennifer Lopez who seems to be settling into mediocrity like a comfortable sweater. Her ineffectual pop tunes and droning romantic comedies like Maid In Manhattan are the perfect primer for Gigli. I cannot be surprised to find her picking up another paycheck as she ineffectually contorts to whatever is written on the scripted page, no matter how insane the script may be. After her work in Out Of Sight and The Cell, I thought maybe she had something but since becoming a superstar J-Lo has decided to coast on her looks and image and simply pick up a paycheck.

As for Director Martin Brest, well God only knows what he was thinking as he put this mess down on paper and then on the screen. Brest hasn't made a good film since, well has he actually made a good film? Beverly Hills Cop was good but likely would not have been without the whirling dervish performance by Eddie Murphy. Then there is Scent Of A Woman, the highly overrated film that won Al Pacino an Oscar for best actor. Coming as it did at a time when sympathy for Pacino was running quite high, people unwilling to question Pacino allowed that film to skate on Pacino's reputation and forgave its many flaws. And how can anyone forget Brest's most recent travesty, Meet Joe Black, in which Brest took the very charismatic Brad Pitt and managed to suck out every last bit of charisma in him.

So maybe the pre-release buzz that focused on Affleck and Lopez's offscreen romance should have paid more attention to the director who may skate again thanks to his being overlooked in favor of his stars. It is Martin Brest who put this mess together and directed these completely misguided performances. And yet, it doesn't appear that Brest will take the brunt of the blame for it. Which he should, this thing is his fault. Forget about Ben and Jen and the tabloid nonsense for a moment and turn your scorn toward the director of this mess. Ben and Jen aren't blameless but Martin Brest is responsible for their humiliation. 

Movie Review The Humbling

The Humbling (2015) 

Directed by Barry Levinson 

Written by Buck Henry 

Starring Al Pacino, Greta Gerwig, Dianne Wiest, Nina Arianda, Charles Grodin, Kyra Sedgwick 

Release Date January 23rd, 2015 

Published January 17th, 2015 

The crazed, narcissistic, sexist, ludicrousness of "The Humbling" almost needs to be seen to be believed. I say “almost” because I really don't want you to waste your precious time watching this dreadful movie. Al Pacino has been wandering in the cinematic woods for years now. While he surrounds himself with talented people in "The Humbling," each is defeated equally by the film. Based on the novel by Phillip Roth, "The Humbling" stars Al Pacino as washed-up actor Simon Axler. Simon is beginning to lose his mind. On stage one night, in front of a disinterested crowd, Simon takes a header into the orchestra pit and winds up in a mental institution. 

Despite his tendency to share his narcissistic rambling with anyone, the talking cure doesn't seem to be working. Nevertheless, after 30 days Simon heads back to his empty mansion in Connecticut to recuperate. There, Simon is joined inexplicably by Pegeen (Greta Gerwig). Pegeen explains that she is the daughter of Simon’s old acting friends. Because she had a crush on him when she was 11, she says, she'd like to give up being a lesbian and be with him. This is, despite his impoverished living situation, his inability to work, and the fact that he is 66 years old and slowly losing his mind.

Here, director Barry Levinson and Pacino might have found a believable direction for "The Humbling" if they they followed through on Pegeen being a figment of Simon's imagination. There is briefly a hint that she's not real and if that had been the direction of the story, maybe the film would not be completely horrible. Instead, the film doubles down on the Pegeen character, rendering her the picture of a sexist fantasy and feminist nightmares. With Pegeen comes a series of reductive caricatures of women including not one, but two, stalker ex-girlfriends. One of them (Billy Porter) is now a man. The other one  is Louise (Kyra Sedgwick), whom Pegeen claims to have slept with in order to get her job as a university professor. I really wish I was making all of this up, but I am not.

Pegeen's arrival at Simon's home is among the more bizarre series of scenes in any movie in 2014. Pegeen arrives, introduces herself and then angrily begins to explain who she is. Why is she angry? Apparently it’s because Simon gave her a ring when she was 11 years old and she thought it meant they were married. It's impossible to tell if this dialogue is meant as a joke, because Greta Gerwig plays the scene with a bizarre, haughty intensity that doesn't fit the scene if it is indeed intended as a joke. It probably should be funny but it is most certainly not. 

That scene somehow ends in a kiss between Pegeen and Simon which is as creepy and awkward as you would imagine between 66 year old Al Pacino and a much, much, much younger woman. Then Simon and Pegeen begin playing with a toy train. Again, all of this is played straight, as if nothing remarkable or unusual has happened. A lesbian has just switched gender preference to be with a man old enough to be her grandfather and now they are playing with toy trains. That sounds like someone describing a fever dream.

The Humbling somehow manages to get weirder and more repellent. "The Humbling" contains a subplot in which a woman named Sybil (Nina Arianda), whom Simon met while he was committed to the asylum, (funny joke, right? Sybil in a mental hospital), Sybil wants Simon to kill her husband. After Simon is released from the hospital, Sybil stalks him and continues to try to hire him to kill her husband. Why? Because in "The Humbling" all women are completely insane.

Oh, but wait dear reader, director Barry Levinson and writer Buck Henry  he film have a cop-out for all of this sexist bullshit on display: Simon is an unreliable narrator. Simon may be suffering from Alzheimer’s or a more simple form of age-related memory loss. As he narrates the story, he can't remember it well. He talks to Pegeen when she's not there. He may be inventing all of this story or none of it. "The Humbling" is a grand, disturbed, mess of a movie that inspires bafflement over those involved in its creation. The once great Levinson continues his 17-year run of terrible films and takes the once-great screenwriter Buck Henry down with him. Henry hadn't had a screenplay credit in 19 years (his sharp wit last crafted the Nicole Kidman movie "To Die For"). He should have remained retired.

Greta Gerwig, Kyra Sedgwick, Dianne Wiest, who plays Gerwig's mother in the film, and the wonderful Charles Grodin also get dragged down into the muck of Pacino's continuing decline. I can't imagine what each of these fine performers thought that they were getting into in "The Humbling," but I am sure they cannot be happy with the outcome. Repeatedly throughout the film, Simon goes meta and muses about how people only want to see him return to the stage to watch the freak, the car wreck in progress. I doubt Pacino recognizes this musing as a commentary on his own career. But indeed there is only that reason to watch a Pacino movie these days. I keep watching Pacino in part because it is my job and in part because I just don't think it can get any worse, and then it does.

"The Humbling" is the latest rock bottom for the once-great Pacino.

Movie Review: The Recruit

The Recruit (2003) 

Directed by Roger Donaldson 

Written by Roger Towne, Kurt Wimmer, Mitch Glazer 

Starring Al Pacino, Colin Farrell, Bridget Moynihan, Gabriel Macht 

Release Date January 31st, 2003 

Published January 30th, 2003 

Is Al Pacino's act running thin? An unquestionably brilliant actor for most of his career, Pacino has been uneven at best in his most recent work. His last, the Hollywood satire Simone, was a middling comedy that featured a mugging, forced performance by Pacino. However, the film before that, the ingenious thriller Insomnia, showed Pacino at his best. His newest work continues the spate of uneven performances as Pacino plays mentor/tormentor to Colin Farrell in The Recruit.

In The Recruit, Al Pacino plays CIA recruiter Walter Burke, a grizzled vet whose job it is to find the next generation of agents. Burke has his eye on an MIT student named James Clayton (Farrell), whose father may or may not have been an agent himself. Clayton isn't interested at first, but suspicions as to whether his father was an agent and whether Burke knew him, and how his father died, cause Clayton to join up.

Soon Clayton is shipped off to the Farm, the CIA's highly secretive spy training ground. Burke is the Farm's lead trainer and though he was friendly with Clayton while recruiting him, Burke is quick to let Clayton know that things are different on the Farm. From now on, nothing is what it seems as students and teachers turn tables on each other in a series of testy spy games meant to wash out the weak and send the strong on to the CIA. While at the Farm, Clayton meets Layla (Bridget Moynihan), another potential agent whose alluring chemistry with Clayton may or may not be an act.

The Recruit is a construct of numerous setups meant to lead the audience in one direction and then pull the rug out from under them. Unfortunately, the setups are rather ham-handed and lack any real suspense. Any intelligent audience member can see where the film is going. That is, until the end--which is a minor surprise--but by then, the movie has spent so much time jerking the audience around with one random twist after another, it becomes hard to really care.

Farrell is very good in a role that requires his character to be very smart but yet, easily manipulated by Pacino's character who may a bad guy or may be a good guy. Farrell has the look of a star; he's charismatic and engaging with a strong good-guy swagger. There are moments where he evokes a young Mel Gibson. Like it or not, that Hollywood buzz about Farrell being the next big thing may be more than just hype.

If the rest of The Recruit were as good as Farrell, it would have been a very good film. Unfortunately, director Roger Donaldson takes this intelligent character and buries him with an uninteresting love interest, a hammy Al Pacino, and a plot that twists and turns so much as to exhaust the audience rather than entertain it. Colin Farrell has a very bright future in front of him and The Recruit will do little to slow his momentum as he builds towards bigger roles in Daredevil and the delayed, but much buzzed about, Phone Booth. The Recruit will be just another film on his resume soon enough.