Movie Review: Alita Battle Angel

Alita Battle Angel (2019) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Written by James Cameron, Laeta Kalogridis

Starring Christoph Waltz, Rosa Salazar, Jennifer Connelly, Mahershala Ali, Ed Skrein, Jackie Earl Haley

Release Date February 14th, 2019

Published February 14th, 2019

Alita Battle Angel has been the dream of director-producer James Cameron for a number of years. While he’d placed the project on the backburner to focus on his Avatar franchise, Cameron never stopped loving Yukito Kishiro’s unique comic universe. Though he eventually walked away from directing Alita Battle Angel, Cameron can be credited for keeping the idea alive as a film property and that life is now realized with director Robert Rodriguez bringing Alita to the big screen. 

Alita Battle Angel is a CGI part live action adventure starring unknown newcomer Rosa Salazar as the titular Alita. Alita is a cyborg warrior who was found mostly dead and forgotten in a junkyard by Dr Dyson Ido (Christoph Waltz). Dr Ido put Alita back together inside the cyborg body that he’d once intended to give to his daughter. In this body, Alita is essentially, in many ways just a teenage girl but because of her cyborg heart, she has a quickness and fighting acumen that rivals any man. 

Slowly, Alita begins to regain her memory. After a particularly dramatic and violent moment in which she realizes she has serious violent tendencies, Alita remembers that she was once a warrior and now she wants to put that side of herself to good use as a bounty hunter. This is something Dr Ido strongly opposes but he cannot stop here. At the same time, Alita has also begun entering a romantic relationship with a flesh and blood human named Hugo (Keean Johnson). 

Both Hugo and Dr Ido have secrets that they are keeping from Alita, secrets that will be revealed and shape the early plot of Alita Battle Angel. It’s these secrets that tie in the other supporting players in this adventure including Chiren (Jennifer Connelly) a fellow doctor who takes a keen interest in Alita and the dangerous Vector (Mahershala Ali) who acts as the eyes and ears and event the occasional avatar of the film’s true big bad, named Nova. I won’t spoil the cameo of the big name actor who plays Nova as the film spoils it in remarkable fashion. 

Not spoil in the sense of revealing something too soon. Rather, the way this big name cameo is revealed is akin to something spoiled and rotting. This cameo reeks to high heaven. It’s an absolute laugh out loud stinker of the lowest calibur. The cameo comes along in an already faltering third act of Alita and provides a yawp of unintended laughter before becoming a highly problematic plot point as the film comes to a close. 

I won’t spoil the ending as even my negative review of Alita Battle Angel likely won’t prevent many from seeing it. Plus, I actually don’t hate Alita Battle Angel, not completely. The first two acts of Alita Battle Angel were unexpectedly emotional and compelling. Rosa Salazar is a young actor to watch. What she lacks in experience and chops she makes up for with confidence and energy. Some may find her enthusiasm cloying but I found it winning, for 2 out of three acts of the movie. 

I even admired the attempts at romance in Alita Battle Angel. Yes, there are odd questions that the main character raises as a cyborg teenage girl, many of those questions being deeply unsettling or creepy but nevertheless. That said, Salazar sparks well with fellow newcomer Keean Johnson and I liked the plot complications that Hugo brings to this story. In pro wrestling terminology, Hugo is what we call a tweener, a character somewhere between good and evil and teetering one way or the other. 

There is perhaps almost too much Oscar gold in Alita Battle Angel. The pedigree is darn near distracting with three Oscar winners, four if you count Christoph Waltz twice, one Oscar nominee, an unrecognizable Jackie Earle Haley, and a cameo from an Oscar nominee. Robert Rodriguez has stacked the cast with Academy faves in order to balance out his romantic leads, both newcomers who benefit from the Awards savvy supporting players. 

Even that amount of talent however, can’t save Alita from a third act that flies laughably off the rails. As Alita is fighting her way toward the biggest of the big bads in Alita Battle Angel, she makes choices that make little sense. She suddenly buys into a plot point regarding a warrior code that was not well established before in the plot. This is done for the purpose of plot convenience in the most obvious fashion. 

Jennifer Connelly and Mahershala Ali are then stranded in a classically James Bond moment where the fate of one of their characters is so achingly obvious that you can’t help but roll your eyes at the doozy of a cliché. At the very least, that plot has an unexpected and stunning visual payoff but that doesn’t change the nature of the embarrassing obviousness of that scene. And then the film ends without a complete resolution. 

Alita Battle Angel clips along for two thirds of the movie with a tremendous plot building strong complications with genuine stakes. Then, out of the blue, one of the main characters nearly dies, Alita nearly allows them to die and then, and then… well. I would need to go into serious spoiler territory to disentangle the nonsense that leads to this wholly unsatisfying end. I will only say that this abysmal third act ruined for me what was an otherwise enthralling and thrilling action adventure sci-fi romp. 

I was genuinely bummed when the movie began to falter. I could feel my heart sinking as the music of the final scene began to swell and it dawned on me that the film and these terrific characters would not have the chance to redeem themselves with a final battle sequence. Instead, I was left dispirited by a truly lame and misguided sequel tease. Ugh! Alita Battle Angel is two thirds of a really ripping adventure and one third of a bad Wachowski movie. 

(Sidebar: The Wachowski’s were the makers of The Matrix whose careers have been marked by remarkable ups like The Matrix and stunning failures such as The Matrix sequels and Jupiter Ascending. The final act of Alita sadly compares well to the worst of the output by visionary filmmakers quite similar to Wachowski’s in clout, status and popularity, Robert Rodriguez and James Cameron.) 

(Sidebar Sidebar: Yes, I know if I have to explain the funny-sad comparison it’s less funny but so be it, this parenthesized tangent is entertaining me even more than my insulting comparison.) 

(Sidebar-Sidebar-Sidebar: Then again, is a reference to the Wachowski's really so obscure that people need these sidebars? Perhaps not, but there is a lack of universality as to whether the majority of readers find a comparison to what I see as the worst of the Wachowski's, all that insulting.) 

(Si--- Okay, even I have tired of this.)

Essay Hollywood Sex and Violence Link (2006)

In 2006, in the wake of the release of A History of Violence and Sin City, I wrote about how Hollywood movies linked sex and violence. This is that essay recovered from an old MySpace blog... 

FYI This post contains what you might call spoilers for the plot of the film A History of Violence. If you wish to watch that film with the mystery in place do not read until after you watch the film. Happy reading and please post your responses.

One unique trend in modern film is the link between sex and violence. In horror films and thrillers these two disparate acts are now often found at a crossroad. In horror films sex is often punished with a bloody violent death, see Friday the 13th as an example. Sexuality or sensuality is similarly punished, consider films like Slumber Party Massacre (not exactly a brilliant subject of serious discourse but follow me here) where beautiful woman are brutally and viciously murdered for the simple fact that they are beautiful. The camera spends ample time exploiting the beauty of the women in the film with copious nude scenes and scenes of woman in various states of undress. And then the film sets about destroying that beauty with hardcore violence.

In the thriller genre take an example like Steven Speilberg's Munich which transposes a scene of a husband making love to his wife, a reunion after a long absence by the husband who has been compromising his morals out of duty to his country. The conflicted husband cannot escape thoughts of horrific violence as he is going about the loving act of intercourse with his wife. The sex scene is edited to a chorus violent images of Israeli athletes being brutally killed.What is the purpose of the sex and violence link in Munich? I believe it was the demonstration of the husband's conflicted conscience. On the one hand he is engaged in a pure act of love. On the other he cannot escape the horror of the violence he has been set to avenge. He cannot escape the horror of violence even as he is experiencing the ultimate in pure human goodness and joy.

In Sin City sex and violence are uniquely linked by the prostitutes of Sin City. Led by Rosario Dawson's character the prostitutes are unlikely representations of justice and righteousness. They mete out the punishment of corruption with violence and reward perceived goodness with sexual favors. Thus, Michael Clark Duncan's corrupt detective is punished with violence while Mickey Rourke's Marv is rewarded for his good intentions with the sexual favors of Goldie.

The innocent but oh so provocative sexuality of Jessica Alba's character is protected by the righteous violence of Bruce Willis' cop character. He would be rewarded with sexual favor if he were so inclined. Sex and violence are linked in Sin City in a cause and effect fashion. The good receive sexual favors the evil are punished with violence. All is right with the world.

In A History of Violence the sex violence link is a narrative function. The film features the extremes of both sex and violence. The films central action involves a pair of psychotically violent killers who are first glimpsed having murdered the staff of an anonymous roadside motel and a small child of one of the staffers. They come to the small town Indiana diner of Viggo Mortenson's Tom Stahl with the intent of more violence and are met with a viciously violent reaction from the seemingly mild mannered Mr. Stahl. The violence of this scene is extreme. Tom shoots one killer in the head sending him flailing through a plate glass window. Tom is graphically stabbed in the foot by the other killer who is then shot in the head by Tom. Director David Cronenberg gives us a closeup look at the damage of the bullet through the killer's skull in all of it's gory glory.

Meanwhile at home, prior to the violence at the center of the plot Tom makes love to his wife played by Mario Bello. The first sex scene is tender and loving but with more than a little hint of kink. Tom's wife has chosen to dress as a cheerleader and the two role play as a high school couple entering their first sexual experiment. The sex then becomes more graphic as oral copulation becomes central to the scene before we fade to the next morning and the establishing of the films central plot. Oddly the first sex scene features no nudity. The only link between the sex and violence at this point is Tom. He is an attentive and gentle lover who later shows himself capable of terrific physical violence. This is central to the dichotomy that is Tom who is revealed to have a violent secret past.

The second sex scene takes place after further violence has established Tom as a dangerous figure. An argument between Tom and his wife becomes physical as Tom attempts to stop his wife from walking away from their argument. Tom grabs her forces her to the ground, they are fighting on the stares leading to their bedroom, she slaps and kicks to break away from him. He forces her beneath him. After seeming to subdue her the violent confrontation suddenly begins to become sexual. The wife becomes turned on as does Tom and the two engage in angry, violent sex right there on the staircase. The scene, I believe, demonstrates the wife's tacit acceptance of her husbands true nature. She is telling him at once that she is unhappy with his lie but accepts it and will eventually be able to put it behind her. It's a brilliant form of shorthand that eliminates the need for a merely melodramatic scene of a couple arguing.

None of what I've written however truly gets at the heart of the sex/violence link in modern film. I have demonstrated the link but not the reason. This is where you come in dear reader. What is your theory of why Hollywood has so directly linked sex and violence. Post your responses please.

Movie Review Spy Kids All the Time in the World

Spy Kids All The Time in the World (2011)

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Written by Robert Rodriguez

Starring Jessica Alba, Joel McHale, Alexa Vega, Daryl Sabara, Rowan Blanchard, Mason Cook, Ricky Gervais

Release Date August 19th, 2011

Published August 21st, 2011 

When it comes to the fourth film in any franchise critical expectations are low and, generally, the movie lives down to those low expectations. Then, on occasion, there are movies like "Spy Kids: All the Time in the World" which exceeds expectations beyond all measure and becomes the most pleasant of surprises.

"Spy Kids: All the Time in the World," presented in 4D Aroma-Scope, more on that later, picks up eight years after the action of "Spy Kids 3D: Game Over." The Spy Kids program has been shuttered but the Organization of Super Spies is still in action with Agent Marissa Wilson (Jessica Alba) as the world's top super spy.

Though nine months pregnant and going into labor, Marissa still manages to chase down the evil mastermind Tick Tock (Jeremy Piven) before meeting her husband Wilbur (Joel McHale) and her step kids, Rebecca (Rowan Blanchard) and Cecil (Mason Cook) at the hospital for the birth of a baby girl. Cut to one year later, Marissa is retired and raising the baby while trying hard to connect with the resistant Rebecca and the more welcoming Cecil. Wilbur is now a TV star, host of "Wilbur Wilson: Spy Hunter," though he's never caught a spy and doesn't know that he's married to one.

Tick Tock has escaped with the help of a new mad baddie, The Timekeeper, who has set in motion a plan to speed up time. Soon, Marissa is reactivated to save the world and her step-kids are accidentally activated as the newest Spy Kids. With the help of their mechanical Spy Dog, Argonaut (voice of Ricky Gervais), and some gadgets courtesy of the original Spy Kid, Carmen Cortez (Alex Vega, all grown up), the kids soon become the only kids capable of saving the world.

Just when you think that Robert Rodriguez is cynically cashing in on the known property that is the "Spy Kids" franchise, he surprises you with a brand new, highly inventive, and completely fun new addition to the franchise. "Spy Kids 4" is surprisingly delightful with two terrific new Spy Kids and a game adult cast that both get the joke but go along for the ride just the same.

Ricky Gervais steals the movie as the voice of Argonaut, the Spy Dog. Gervais's constant quipping deflates any sense of importance that the world saving adventure might have and helps keep the light, airy, funny vibe from receding into perfunctory, childish action adventure and 3D explosions.

Gervais is matched scene for stolen scene by Mason Cook as Cecil. This kid is a real find, a terrific young physical comic with the deadpan timing of an old time comedian. Rowan Blanchard has the more complex and far less fun role of the more serious Spy Kid but she doesn't lack for fun, especially with her ingenious love of practical jokes that also happens to be a great asset as a Spy Kid.

So, what of the fourth dimension? Aroma-Scope is the gimmick du jour of "Spy Kids: All the Time in the World" and it is kind of fun. Fans attending "Spy Kids 4" will receive a card with eight numbers on it. Throughout the movie an onscreen prompt instructs when to scratch and sniff the numbers on the card. More often than not I smelled nothing but the cardboard card though there was the strong hint of what I believe was Lucky Charms on one of the numbers and, no surprise, a slightly foul scent on another.

Aroma-Scope is not going to catch on in a big way but for "Spy Kids: All the Time in the World" it is a cute gimmick in keeping with the overall cuteness of the movie. But, ``Spy Kids: All the Time in the World" is even more than merely cute; Robert Rodriguez also includes a healthy message in the movie about time spent with family.

"Spy Kids: All the Time in the World" is a cute, sweet, smart and very funny kid adventure that gives new and clever life to a franchise that had seemed to have run its course. In fact, "Spy Kids: All the Time in the World" is so good, I am ready for the Spy Kids' next adventure.

Movie Review Machete

Machete (2010) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Written by Robert Rodriguez

Starring Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert De Niro, Lindsay Lohan

Release Date September 3rd, 2010 

Published September 4th, 2010

“Machete” is a film that is impervious to criticism. One cannot critique the filmmaking; it's supposed to be grungy and low budget to evoke its 70's influences. One cannot critique the acting, everyone in the film is supposed to be over the top and utterly ludicrous to match the unfortunate amateurs who played these roles back in the original Grindhouse days. You cannot criticize the storyline because really, what story is there? And since you are not supposed to treat any of this with seriousness as that would undermine the audacious, humorous homage to trash, one really can’t then take seriously anything in the film's take on the immigration issue?

“Machete” is basically Robert Rodriguez masturbating on screen. Yes, masturbation seems to be the foremost concern of “Machete” or rather director Robert Rodriguez who puts his deepest carnal desires on screen, revealing himself in both brave and disturbing fashion. Like his cohorts Eli Roth and Quentin Tarantino, Rodriguez gets off on guns and blood but unlike Roth and with slightly less awe than Tarantino, Rodriguez throws a few near naked girls in the mix.

Is it strange to watch a grown man put his teenage boy sex fantasies on screen? Oh yeah, a big part of me has absolutely no want to know what it is that gets Robert Rodriguez off. But, there is also a part of me that is sickly entertained because some of his fantasies, Ms. Alba in particular, are my fantasies as well. I, however, do not get off on violence the way Rodriguez does. I don't mind the skillful demonstration of violence on screen but the ways in which Rodriguez and his man/boy directing brethren enjoy the violence is disturbing and makes me worry a little for their collective mental health.

In a review of “Hostel” for another website years ago I wondered; if Eli Roth were not a filmmaker capable of demonstrating his sickest fantasies on screen would he have become a serial murderer? I have the same concerns with Mr. Rodriguez after watching “Machete” but to a slightly lesser extent.

The difference between the two is Rodriguez has an interest in women, even if only a puerile one, Mr. Roth only seems to enjoy torture, maiming and death. Dragging their mentor Mr. Tarantino into this conversation is unnecessary, his interest seems to be purely cinema and what his camera's eye is capable of, what the camera captures serves a very particular and highly cinematic vision. Rodriguez and Roth are teenage boys using the camera as a masturbatory device for their incurable twisted fantasies.

“Machete” boils down to a demonstration of what 13 year old Robert Rodriguez found on a VHS tape years ago and got off to. Whether it was Gordon Parks or Melvin Van Peebles, William Girdler (look him up, I did) or Arthur Marx, Rodriguez found tapes of Foxy Brown or Sweet Sweetback or Shaft and it got him off. Now he’s making the movies that get him off.

I’m not a prude, I have the same male urge for self gratification that every other red blooded American male has. I merely prefer to confine my fantasies to my bedroom. Mr. Rodriguez places his fantasies in giant multiplex theaters and I find that awkward and disturbing.

I mean, if this were a true homage to Grindhouse, one would have to stumble upon it in some woebegone, out of the way second hand shop. Not in the gleaming, popcorn scented world in which the theater next door is showing Toy Story 3. “Machete” belongs on a store shelf next to Faster Pussycat Kill Kill or anything by Herschel Gordon Lewis. There it could be discovered and passed around from friend to friend.

That’s my issue, that’s what has been nagging at me about “Machete.” Treating this like any other major movie release just feels wrong. It’s supposed to be underground where some teenager can dust it off, slip into his jacket pocket and steal it out of the store while the manager is helping a customer buy porn.

The kid should sneak “Machete” home, wait for his parents to go to bed and slip it in and enjoy it as it should be enjoyed. The next day he takes it to school and passes it from friend to friend until one of them gets caught with it and it spends the next decade in a school filing cabinet waiting to be rediscovered or sold at some teacher’s garage sale.

Placing “Machete” in theater taints the true experience. The bloody, gory, twisted violence, the childish over the top sex, simply does not belong in the same building where Jennifer Aniston is starring in The Switch. The milieu degrades and depraves the experience and makes “Machete” impossible to enjoy without feeling more than a little creepy and weird.

Movie Review Grindhouse

Grindhouse (2007) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarentino 

Written by Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarentino'

Starring Rose McGowan, Freddie Rodriguez, Kurt Russell, Tracy Toms, Zoe Bell, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Release Date April 6th, 2007

Published April 5th, 2007

Director Robert Rodriguez knows a little something about high camp. His Spy Kids movies, earnest as they were, often drifted across the line from family comedy to high camp gobbledygook. The same could be said for portions of his cult vampire flick From Dusk Till Dawn; a film that wavers between horror and high camp Roger Corman feature.

For his latest feature, half of the Grindhouse double feature, Planet Terror Rodriguez takes camp well beyond Roger Corman's wildest dreams. This off the charts nutty sci fi zombie flick flies so far off the rails, in terms of camp kitsch, that it's difficult to tell if his attempt is at homage or parody.

An ex-military unit, just back from Iraq unleashes a deadly toxin that turns citizens into flesh eating zombies in Planet Terror, Robert Rodriguez's contribution to the Grindhouse double feature. Rose McGowan stars as Cherry Darling, a go go dancer who aspires to be a stand up comic. Freddy Rodriguez is her ex-beau El Wray, a former sniper turned criminal. Somehow both Cherry and El Wray are resistant to the zombie toxin and with a small band of survivors set out to battle the military behind the attack.

That is a rather straightforward description of a not very straight forward effort. From interviews you get the impression that Robert Rodriguez intends to pay tribute to the low budget sci fi trash that he grew up watching. However, much of Planet Terror plays like bad parody in the vein of 2004's forgotten Lost Skeleton of Cadavra, another lame attempt at a sci fi send-up.

There are a few cool things about Planet Terror Planet, the coolest being Rose McGowan's kick ass M-16 leg. After Cherry is attacked by zombies and loses a leg El Wray first fashions a table leg, which she puts to good violent use. However, later she gets another new leg and this one has awesome firepower and makes for one very cool visual.

The rest of McGowan's performance is a relative disaster of overly arch delivery and poorly delivered punchlines. The trailers for Grindhouse played up the gun leg and the badass action elements of her performance. Watching Planet Terror you may be quite surprised how ineffectual and often in the background Ms. McGowan is.

The badass of the movie is the slight, babyfaced Freddy Rodriguez. Not the most likely action star, Freddy Rodriguez is actually an inspired bit of casting. Back in the day when this type of low budget flick was made, directors could rarely get the actor they wanted for the money they could play and often ended up with miscast leads. Rodriguez as a bad boy action stud is a cute little inside joke nod to those low budget days.

The troubles of Planet Terror fall squarely with director Robert Rodriguez who fails to establish a consistent tone of sincere homage or high camp send up. There are little touches that work, like the small role for legendary special effects man Tom Savini and the occasional use of his old school effects rather than CGI.Then there is plenty that doesn't work like most of Rose McGowan's performance and the film's many gross out moments which are so stomach turning disgusting that many will want to walk out. These gross out moments further muddy the waters of Robert Rodriguez's intentions with Planet Terror, the homage versus parody battle that unsettles the entire picture. Some of the gross out is funny; some is merely off putting.

When compared with the film it shares the double bill with, Quentin Tarentino's Death Proof, Planet Terror is an utter disaster. Where Tarentino provides sincere homage combined with highly skilled filmmaking, Rodriguez can't decide what he's doing and ends up just tossing anything and everything at the screen to see what sticks.

When it comes to Grindhouse, wait for the DVD. That way you can skip Planet Terror and just watch Death Proof.

Quentin Tarentino is the preeminent film artist of the modern era. A savant like talent who learned filmmaking by watching movies, Tarentino has turned applied knowledge into great art and even now in his tortured partnership with Robert Rodriguez on the twin bill Grindhouse, Tarentino takes his applied knowledge of low filmmaking and turns it into yet another masters class in filmmaking.

Death Proof is an homage to a certain kind of 1970's drive in slasher movie that is actually still being made today on the fringes of the straight to video biz. The film stars Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike, a Hollywood stuntman well past his prime.

With the advent of CGI guys like Stuntman Mike are a dying breed and you can hear the resentment in his voice as he recounts his history in the business, back in the day when he was a double for Lee Majors! He still works from time to time but he knows that his days are numbered.

It is this resentment that may explain, in some odd way, why Mike takes his anger out on unsuspecting women. Luring them into his tricked out stunt car which he claims is death proof, Stuntman Mike intentionally crashes the car and kills his passenger. The car is only death proof if you're in the driver's seat.

Setting his sights on a verbose group of women in a bar, a radio DJ and her three friends, Stuntman Mike first seems like just another creepy patron hitting on younger girls. When they end up rejecting his advances he takes it out on them in a horrifying car chase.

Then the scene shifts to a diner in Tennessee where four different women; working on a film crew, are sitting around discussing movies and men. Abbie (Rosario Dawson) is the makeup girl, Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and Kim (Tracie Toms) and Zoe (Zoe Bell) are stunt women.

Zoe is visiting and has heard that a local man is selling a 1970 Dodge Challenger, just like the one Barry Newman drove in the movie Vanishing Point, pristine condition, right down to the color and the four barrel engine. Zoe wants a test drive and something more. Little do the girls know that Stuntman Mike is nearby and wants a piece of the action.

That scene leads to one of the greatest car chases you have ever seen in a movie. Tarentino's filmmaking skills create a visceral, emotional, physical experience. These chases are as good as his dialogue which is, as usual, dense and filled to overflow with pop culture bacchanalia.

The characters in the first half of Death Proof, aside from Stuntman Mike, are a verbose and intelligent lot who have interesting, involving conversations that sound mighty familiar. Peppered with references to the Acuna Boys (Kill Bill), foot massages (Pulp Fiction) and Red Apple Cigarettes (every Tarentino film), these conversations are so inside baseball they could make Kevin Smith Blush.

I'm not saying that Death Proof is for Tarentino fans only, it just deepens the experience if you get the references. This is a terrifically smart and entertaining and exciting movie regardless of whether you are a Tarentino fan. Besides, the chase scenes are essentially wordless and are the most entertaining and invigorating part of the film.

Everything about Death Proof works. This is among the best works of Tarentino's career and one of the best movies you will see in 2007.

Movie Review Spy Kids 3D Game Over

Spy Kids 3D Game Over (2003) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez 

Written by Robert Rodriguez

Starring Darryl Sabara, Antonio Banderas, Carla Gugino, Alexa Vega, Ricardo Montalban, Sylvester Stallone, Mike Judge 

Release Date July 25th, 2003 

Published July 26th, 2003 

Robert Rodriguez's original Spy Kids was an ingenious marriage of kids movies and James Bond action-fantasy. It was safe enough for kids with just enough to appeal to parents and with its low budget, was a huge box office hit. The second film was slightly less successful in its appeal to wide audiences as well as box office, but was still a big enough hit to justify another sequel. That sequel is a gimmicky jump into the realm of video games, Spy Kids 3D.

You may remember 3D, the failed experiment from the 1950's and 60's that was last used to try and revive the Nightmare On Elm Street horror franchise. That film was also produced by Dimension films so maybe they just had a bunch of those glasses just laying around and that inspired them to do this. Whatever the inspiration, it was a bad idea when it was first used and with the advances in technology these days, it's a bad idea in Spy Kids 3.

As we join the story, Juni Cortes (Daryl Sabara) has quit being a secret agent and is now a small-time private investigator solving cases about missing dollies for a buck apiece. All the while his former spy bosses are trying to get him to come back and help on an important case. Juni's sister Carmen (Alexa Vega) has been taken hostage inside a video game called Game Over.

When Juni hears that his sister is in trouble, he returns to save her and joins her inside the game. Once inside it's time to put on our 3D glasses and watch as Juni battles fellow game players in games that resemble Tron crossed with Robot Jox. Juni, with the help of some other kids trapped in the game, go in search of Carmen and a way out of the game. They must also figure a way to shut down the game without releasing its maniacal creator, the Toymaker (Sly Stallone), who has been imprisoned inside the game world for years. Toymaker is holding Carmen hostage and hopes to use her to get himself out.

Also helping Juni is his grandfather (Ricardo Montalban), a former secret agent who was left in a wheelchair because of the Toymaker. In the game world though Grandpa can walk, run and fight crime like he used to. Juni and Carmen's parents, played by Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino, are nowhere to be found until a quick cameo near the end of the film. Also in cameos are a number of well-known stars George Clooney, Alan Cumming, Mike Judge, Cheech Marin and Salma Hayek. Most surprising is a cameo by Elijah Wood that was met by a surprisingly loud cheer. The cameos are the film's most appealing moments.

The 3D is an unnecessary and highly annoying gimmick, I had a headache from the first time I put on the glasses all the way to the end of the film. However, what's worse is the film’s trite family movie cliches. Where the first two Spy Kids movies were like cinematic cotton candy, Spy Kids 3D is brussel sprouts. Good for you but not very tasty. The film is filled beginning to end with after school special messages about teamwork, family, tolerance and forgiveness.

That's all well and good if it's couched in an entertaining story but Spy Kids 3D doesn't have a story. It has cheesy 3D environments that have long been rendered useless by the advances in computer technology. The CGI characters in films like Shrek and Finding Nemo are far more impressive than anything ever done with 3D. I would rather see Spy Kids in computer animation than the ugly 3D environments created for Spy Kids 3D.

Maybe director Robert Rodriguez was too distracted with his next film Once Upon A Time in Mexico to worry about making Spy Kids 3D. You can see from Mexico's stellar trailer that that film had his full attention. Spy Kids 3D is a throwaway gimmick sequel to a series that hopefully has seen its final adventure.

Movie Review Once Upon a Time in Mexico

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003) 

Directed by Robert Rodriguez 

Written by Robert Rodriguez 

Starring Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Salma Hayek, Mickey Rourke, Eva Mendes, Willem Dafoe

Release Date September 12th, 2003

Published September 11th, 2003 

The Auteur Theory states that the director is the author of a film. The auteur is a director whose sole artistic vision is fully realized with little compromise. Many of our most prominent directors can fit the definition of an auteur, but few can live up to the definition as much as Robert Rodriguez can. In his latest film, Once Upon A Time In Mexico, Rodriguez is credited as writer, director, producer, cinematographer, editor, production designer, and composer of the film's score. He did everything but key lights and hold the boom mic. If that is not realizing a singular vision, I don't know what is. And that singular vision is a spectacular shoot'em up that may be light on story but makes up for it with style.

Antonio Banderas returns to the role of the nameless mariachi player from El Mariachi and Desperado who dispenses justice and tunes from a killer guitar case. Having gone into hiding after the death of his wife (Salma Hayek in flashback) and child, the mariachi is brought out of retirement to kill the man who killed his family, General Marquez (Gerardo Vigil).

The mysterious man who brought the mariachi out of retirement is a shady American CIA agent named Sands (Johnny Depp). Agent Sands is carrying out a thin-ice tap dance that is playing a number of Mexican factions against each other, with Sands ending up 10 million dollars richer. He has hired the Mariachi to kill General Marquez and the General to kill the unpopular Mexican President. Sands has a major drug dealer named Barillo (Willem Dafoe) to finance the General and an ex-FBI agent (Ruben Blades) to kill the drug dealer.

Confusing? Maybe, but it doesn't matter because Johnny Depp is so damn cool. Whether the plot makes any sense or if the scheme works or doesn't work, makes little difference to Robert Rodriguez or the audience because it's all about Depp. Like a plot magician Depp does parlor tricks that make your plot reservations disappear. Whether it's Rodriguez's quick witted script or Depp's stylish delivery it all works and it's all so cool.

For his part as the lead, Banderas slips comfortably back into his Mariachi costume. It's one of the rare roles in which Banderas seems comfortable. Maybe it's because it's his third go around in the role or maybe it's his friendly director, but Banderas realizes the potential stardom that so many have expected of him, but only in this role. Any other role and Banderas appears lost.

This film's place in the El Mariachi/Desperado, line is unclear to me; it's been too long since I've seen those two films. Luckily, there is no need to remember the first two films beyond the vaguest details. Flashbacks with Salma Hayek as the Mariachi's wife are effective in providing backstory and are as stylish and cool as the scenes that surround them.

One of the things that makes Rodriguez's multi-hyphenate performance possible is the way in which he takes advantage of the most modern film technology. Using a top-of-the-line Sony digital camera, Rodriguez becomes the first filmmaker that I have seen use digital in a way that transfers to regular film stock without looking awful. His shooting style is just as impressive, entirely handheld without looking handheld. This makes Once Upon A Time In Mexico, an important moment in digital and independent filmmaking. See it for Johnny Depp. Respect it for the true independent spirit at work in its creation.