Classic Movie Review The Big Easy

The Big Easy (1987) 

Directed by Jim McBride 

Written by Daniel Petrie Jr. 

Starring Dennis Quaid, Ellen Barkin, Ned Beatty 

Release Date August 21st, 1987 

Published August 21st, 2017 

This week in 1987 The Big Easy starring Dennis Quaid and Ellen Barkin and directed by Jim McBride was released nationwide following a brief run on the awards circuit in late 1986. The film tells the story of a corrupt New Orleans Police Detective named Remy McSwain, played by Quaid, who’s about to learn that corruption doesn’t really pay. Ellen Barkin is a District Attorney tasked with investigating Remy’s corruption and that of his fellow New Orleans brothers in Blue.

Director Jim McBride is best remembered for his 1982 remake of Jean Luc Godard’s iconic Breathless, with Richard Gere in the Jean Paul Belmondo role, Valerie Kaprisky in the Jean Seberg role and Las Vegas standing in for Paris. McBride, it seems, had a longstanding fascination with the French New Wave as not only did he remake Breathless, but in The Big Easy he tells the kind of American crime story that directors like Godard, Truffaut and Melville cite as their earliest influences.

Does that make The Big Easy good? Eh, it gives it a perspective, I guess. The problem with The Big Easy isn’t necessarily the movie, it’s time. Time has not been kind to movies in the crime genre. In the last 30 years’ dozens of films have trod upon similar ground, enough to make The Big Easy feel like just another copycat. That McBride may have been attempting an homage to his French New Wave influences is nice, but the only thing French about The Big Easy is its locational relation to the French Quarter.

Mr. McBride directs The Big Easy not like the dispassionate French crime stories but rather exactly like the old 40’s Hollywood pictures that the New Wave ate up. When the New Wave remade those pictures their French-ness made the stories feel fresh and innovative. In 1987 when McBride crafted his crime movie homage his only innovation was R-Rated sex and violence. Nothing about The Big Easy feels fresh anymore as a zillion other pictures have come along and were better at portraying corruption, sex, and violence.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Footloose

Footloose (2011) 

Directed by Craig Brewer

Written by Craig Brewer, Dean Pitchford

Starring Kenny Wormald, Julianne Hough, Miles Teller, Dennis Quaid

Release Date October 14th, 2011

Published October 14th, 2011

Critics can tend to overthink a movie. In the case of "Footloose," that is a deadly pursuit. "Footloose" does not invite inspection. This candy coated musical is all about putting on a show with pluck and good humor and not about the mechanics of great filmmaking. The only intention behind Footloose is to make a quick buck off of nostalgia and if it happens to not completely stink out loud, that's an unintended bit of good luck. 

Ren McCormick (Kenny Wormald) has moved to Bomont, Tennessee from Boston following the death of his mother. Moving in with his Aunt Lulu (Kim Dickens) and Uncle Wes (Ray McKinnon), Ren finds himself not merely in a new home but seemingly a new planet. Bomont, Tennessee could not be any different from Boston. Foremost among the differences is a ban on public dancing put in place by a local crusading Preacher, Shaw Moore (Dennis Quaid).

The preacher's daughter, Ariel (Julianne Hough) immediately catches Ren's eye, setting up a pair of showdown's for Ren and the preacher as he intends to fight the dance ban and date Shaw Moore's daughter. Credit Dennis Quaid for bringing a seriousness and even gravity to "Footloose" that the movie needs in order to keep from tipping completely into parody. Quaid is so good opposite Hough and Wormald that he makes the novice actors better.

Of course, "Footloose" is not about acting or drama, it's about nostalgia, dancing and a good soundtrack. The soundtrack of "Footloose" is a rather bizarre stew of country, hip hop, and covers of tunes from the original movie. Blake Shelton's cover of Kenny Loggins legendary title track is as rousing and cheesy as the original while Deniece Williams' original "Let's Hear for the Boy" makes a welcome comic appearance in the same context it did in the original "Footloose," as Ren teaches his new pal Willard (Miles Teller) how to dance.

Other call backs to the original movie include a reprise of Quiet Riot's "Metal Health" and a cover of Ann Wilson and Mike Reno's cheeseball ballad "Almost Paradise." These nostalgic touches make clear that director Craig Brewer has as much respect for the original "Footloose" as long time fans do. Brewer even manages to keep Ren's angry dance solo dance in the empty factory. No Kenny Loggins in this version, a rather forgettable hip hop song is in its place, but the heavy cheese dramatics are still there in great, unintentional comic effect.

That's another interesting thing about "Footloose;" the film can be enjoyed on an earnest level or an ironic one. If you are inclined to pick away at the movie you can, and you can have fun doing it, the movie has a certain awareness of its place in the movie world but not so much that it ruins a proper ironic appreciation of it. Bottom line, "Footloose" is just plain fun; a terrifically cheesy pop culture dessert all sugar and calories and nothing remotely good for you. But it tastes so good.

Movie Review Soul Surfer

Soul Surfer (2011) 

Directed by Sean McNamara

Written by Sean McNamara, Douglas Schwartz, Michael Berk

Starring AnnaSophia Robb, Carrie Underwood, Helen Hunt, Dennis Quaid

Release Date April 8th, 2011

Published April 8th, 2011

Bethany Hamilton's story is one of courage and perseverance deeply rooted in faith. Bethany's story of becoming a teenage surf champion, losing her arm in a shark attack and coming back to be a surf champion again is remarkable and with so many compelling elements in place it should have easily translated to a moving big screen experience.

Yet, we have "Soul Surfer" , a facile, dull witted take on Bethany's remarkable story. Terrific actors like AnnaSophia Robb, Academy Award winner Helen Hunt and leading man Dennis Quaid wilting in the face of a script so wildly simpleminded that only an amateur actor could have made any of it seem remotely real.

Underwood succeeds where the real actors fail

In fact, one amateur actress in the cast of "Soul Surfer," country music superstar Carrie Underwood, actually makes my point perfectly. Underwood succeeds where the real actors fail by blithely delivering her homily choked dialogue without affect and without the glaring obviousness of discomfort that the real actors are choking on.

AnnaSophia Robb is Bethany Hamilton. At 16 years old Bethany is a champion surfer in a family of surfers. Her father, Tom (Dennis Quaid) is her coach, her brother Noah (Ross Thomas) is her videographer and her mom Cheri is her biggest cheerleader. Bethany's best friend Alana (Lorraine Nicholson) is also her top surfing competitor.

Better as a documentary

Bethany was surfing with Alana, her brother and Alana's dad Holt (Kevin Sorbo) when a shark attacked and tore Bethany's arm off. This sequence of Soul Surfer is moving but once it ends we are thrust back into a story populated by stick figure versions of what we can only imagine are far more complex and interesting real people.

I have no doubt that a documentary about Bethany Hamilton would be thousands of times more interesting than anything in the shallow "Soul Surfer." This simplistic version of Bethany's story insults the audience and the real Bethany by delivering a superficial version of Bethany's extraordinary story.

Sticky, syrupy platitudes

Barely a moment of "Soul Surfer" rings true emotionally. Director Sean McNamara, who also wrote the script with the aid of several other writers, presents Bethany's story with such thick layers of sticky, syrupy platitude that it's a wonder any real emotion escapes the screen.

You could wait for "Soul Surfer" to come out on DVD but a more productive employment of your patience would have you wait for someone to license the footage of the real Bethany used over the closing credits of "Soul Surfer" for a documentary that might give her story the kind of telling it deserves.

Movie Review Legion

Legion (2010)

Directed by Scott Stewart

Written by Scott Stewart

Starring Paul Bettany, Adrianne Palicki, Willa Holland, Kevin Durand, Charles S. Dutton, Dennis Quaid

Release Date January 22nd, 2010

Published January 22nd, 2010 

When a movie's opening voiceover narration intones that God lost faith in humanity because 'he got tired of all the bullshit' you have to lower your expectations. Unfortunately, there just are not expectations low enough for a post-apocalyptic thriller as dopey as Legion. Paul Bettany, one of my favorite actors, stars in Legion as the archangel Michael, a General in God's Army. As God has lost faith in humanity, God sends Michael to earth with a mission. Michael however, is not going to obey orders. Seems God has ordered Michael to exterminate humanity.

Instead Michael travels to a diner in the middle of nowhere New Mexico where a disparate group of people sits patiently waiting for the plot to kick in. Among them are the diner's owner Bob (Dennis Quaid), his son Jeep (Lucas Black), Bob's old army buddy Percy (Charles S. Dutton), A WASP couple (Jon Tenney and Kate Walsh) and their bitchy daughter (Willa Holland).

Most important in this group is Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) who is with a child from some anonymous hookup but by some luck happens to be the savior of all mankind. As Michael informs Charlie, and us, if the baby is born he will lead humanity out of the darkness. Before the baby comes they must fight off God's Army of Angels led by Michael's long time friend and fellow Angel Gabriel (Kevin Durand).

The Archangel Michael is mentioned only once in the Hebrew Bible. It is said that he will stand for the people of Israel at the end of days. Not that the movie Legion gives a crap about the biblical arcana from which its main character came from. Director and co-writer Scott Stewart merely uses Angels and Archangels as a device for apocalypse. Legion exists only to place Paul Bettany in fetish wear, long leather coat, bandoleer, and lots and lots of guns, and watch him shoot people. He and the cast pile up a few bodies and then die in a particular order until the screen time runs out. Nothing much of interest happens and certainly nothing you cannot anticipate without seeing the movie.

Dennis Quaid continues a sad, pathetic career decline. It's hard to recall the last time Quaid was in a film worth watching. In Legion the most notable aspect of Quaid's performance is his dopey lopsided haircut. Yes, he gets a big moment near the end but by then you won't really care.

Paul Bettany is not the typical idea of a lead in an action movie. He brings a different energy to the role than your average action movie star might but sadly little more than looking cool in a leather jacket holding two giant machine guns is required of him. We’ve seen him do more, we want him to do more and we just don’t get it in Legion.

Little more than an idea, Legion drones and wheezes through a series of violent scenes briefly interrupted by mindless expository dialogue before reaching its violent and predictable end, Legion should be mindless fun but instead is just mindless. Remember the opening narration I mentioned about God giving up on humanity because God got tired of all the bullshit, I think I know how God might feel watching Legion.

Movie Review: Vantage Point

Vantage Point (2008) 

Directed by Pete Travis 

Written by Barry L. Levy 

Starring Dennis Quaid, Sigourney Weaver, Forest Whitaker, Edgar Ramirez, William Hurt

Release Date February 22nd, 2008

Published February 21st, 2008 

Dennis Quaid is one of those fatherly actors who's craggy visage and heroes stare makes you root for him unconsciously. Like Harrison Ford, Quaid's often been called Ford light by this writer, Quaid looks old enough to be a more handsome version of your dad. In that 'my dad could beat up your dad' contest of childrens egos, Dennis Quaid is who you wish were on your side. Thus Quaid is perfect for the kind of earnest, trustworthy, tough guy, good guy roles that he played in The Day After Tomorrow and that he plays in the new actioner Vantage Point.

As secret service agent Thomas Barnes, Quaid embodies the flawed hero of the American character. Noble, loyal, self sacrificing but not above fear or failing. My rhetoric is lofty but I promise, justified. Even in a movie as terrifically bad as Vantage Point Quaid is worthy of such grandiose musings.

Directed by English television veteran Pete Travis, Vantage Point plays out the same terrorist attack on an American President (William Hurt) from 8 different perspectives. First it's the media where Sigourney Weaver, as a producer for the Global News Network, has several cameras and endless angles to cover all the while dealing with a diva reporter (Zoe Saldana) with an agenda beyond just covering a speech by the President on terrorism. The speech, taking place at an ancient villa square in Spain, is soon rocked by the shooting of the President and then several explosions, all caught on camera, all with different pieces of the puzzle.

Next we rewind to get the 'Vantage Point' of secret service agent Thomas Barnes. Returning to active duty, at the behest of his partner Kent Taylor (Matthew Fox), several months after getting shot protecting the President. Suffering from post traumatic stress, there are fair questions as to whether he can handle active duty again. Once the shooting begins and the plot unfolds it quickly falls to Barnes to put the pieces together and tie the whole of this goofball plot together in some kind of believable or modestly plausible fashion.

Next we see events from the miscast perspective of Forrest Whitaker as an American tourist lashed to a handheld videocamera that captures important evidence of the shooter and the subsequent bombing. Whitaker is a fine actor who gives his all but a younger actor, with less integrity and more grit would have fit the role better. We need to believe that this guy would not put down his camera for anything and while Whitaker plays the noble hero seeking justice, the truer perspective is the modern fame seeker who see's dollar signs with his video of the President being shot is more believable and holds more dramatic possibilities. Consider, the venal anti-hero becomes noble hero is far more dramatically satisfying than the heroic guy becomes more heroic. But there I go, reviewing the movie that Vantage Point is not.

We then get the perspectives of the president himself, a Spanish police officer (Edgar Ramirez) wrongly accused in the wake of the shooting and the terrorists themselves whose goofball plot has every Bond villain cliché one can imagine wrapped in one goofball twist after another. Of course, that isn't the biggest problem for Vantage Point. Rather, the films biggest struggle is with structure. The film rewinds over the same terrorist attack 8 times all the while trying to conceal and reveal little tidbits of plot that maybe they plan to reveal later in the film or maybe they don't. By the 4th or 5th rewind you are not likely to care. Worn out by the constant ripping back and forth in the space time continuum of this event a headache is a far more likely result than intrigue or interest.

And yet, even as you are rubbing your eyes and ruing the thought of another flashback, when Dennis Quaid returns to center stage late in the third act you are momentarily drawn back in. Dominating a pretty terrific car chase through the narrow, brick and mortar streets of old town Spain, Quaid ever so briefly distracts from the flashbacks and goofball twists to deliver a rousing action sequence that in any other film could have been a game changer, a scene so cool it makes the movie better. Nothing, unfortunately, not a car chase or even the resurrection of Steve McQueen driving Bullitt directly over one of the terrorists, could save the goofball mess that is Vantage Point.

Movie Review Pandorum

Pandorum (2009) 

Directed by Christian Alvart 

Written by Travis Malloy

Starring Ben Foster, Dennis Quaid, Cam Gigandet, Antje Traue, Cung Le, Eddie Rouse

Release Date September 25th, 2009 

Published September 25th, 2009 

Pandorum, we are told during the movie of that title, is a form of mental illness that develops from prolonged exposure to the nothingness of space. The crew of the Elysium space ship are more than a little prone to this ailment. Their trip is longer than any man has ever undertaken and there is no going back, Earth is gone.

As we join the story, the Elysium crew is informed that they are the last of humanity. From there we are shot into the future, how far is part of the film's mystery plot. In a hypersleep pod awakens Cpl. Bowers (Ben Foster). He has no idea who he is or where he is, only the vague notion that he has a mission. Next to him in another pod is Lt. Payton (Dennis Quaid). He is supposed to be the ship's captain when it is his turn but finds himself and Bowers trapped in one room far from the control room.

Bowers soon has escaped through an air duct to search for help and finds himself in the middle of what can only be described as an alien invasion. Worse yet? These are zombie-cannibal aliens with a deep need for human flesh. With the ship hurtling toward nowhere, Bowers needs to crank up the engines for survival all the while avoiding getting eaten.

On his journey Bowers meets Nadia (Antje Traue) a ship's scientist turned survivalist and Manh (Cung Le) a member of the crew's foreign contingent; he speaks no English. These three alternately save each other's lives and call on one another to run away quickly from danger.

Meanwhile, Lt. Payton is joined in his little corner of the ship by Lt. Gallo (Cam Gigandet). He comes in the same way Bowers escaped only Gallo is covered in blood and balling like a small child with a skinned knee. He has an idea of what happened to the rest of the crew but may be too far gone mentally to help. Worse, his illness may in fact be Pandorum which points to one very disturbing reason for his being covered in blood.

Pandorum is directed with some flair by newcomer Christian Alvert. Alvert bathes the familiar plot inside his talent for atmosphere and tension. It's not until you leave the theater and really reflect on the movie that you realize how much of the story adds up to different characters yelling 'RUN'.

While you are watching Pandorum however, it's easy to get swept along by its creepy I Am Legend meets Alien plot. Dennis Quaid is his usual stabilizing, fatherly presence, even as he starts to lose it at the end. And Ben Foster is a surprisingly effective lead. Taking strong advantage of his odd vibe, Foster turns his weakness, skinny-nerdiness with a dash of creep, into a strength, his heroism is so unexpected.

He sparks well off of Traue's Nadia and their rather perfunctory scenes together take on a bit of life beyond all the running and the yelling of the word run.

If Pandorum comes up short for most audiences it is really more in the faded glow after it's over. While it's on, it is effective and compelling. Well acted, atmospheric and rarely boring. That may not be enough for some audiences, those who cannot endure the post show disappointment that comes from being hoodwinked, but for the forgiving audience, Pandorum is kind of fun while it lasts.

Movie Review: American Dreamz

American Dreamz (2006) 

Directed by Paul Weitz

Written by Paul Weitz 

Starring Hugh Grant, Dennis Quaid, Marcia Gay Harden, Mandy Moore, Willem Dafoe, Chris Klein

Release Date April 21st, 2006

Published April 20th, 2006 

When I heard that the very talented writer-director of American Pie and About A Boy, Paul Weitz, had decided to take on an ambitious satire of President George W. Bush and the vapid karaoke extravaganza American Idol, I was quite excited. Two such broad targets are, no doubt, hard to miss with hard edged satire. So how disappointed was I when, while finally watching American Dreamz, that Weitz manages to miss the target like a Buffalo Bills kicker in the Super Bowl.

Hugh Grant stars in American Dreamz as Martin Tweed a Simon Cowell clone with a nasty disposition on screen and off. A self loathing jerk, we meet Martin as he dumps his girlfriend while celebrating his shows latest spectacular ratings.

The new season of 'American Dreamz' is about to begin and a new crop of contestants are lining up. In the tiny hamlet of of Padookie, Ohio Sally Kendoo (Mandy Moore) is ready for her closeup. An ambitious, plotting, self absorbed teen, Sally celebrates her American Dreamz birth by dumping her dopey but loving boyfriend William (Chris Klein). So broken up about it William runs off to the army and is immediately sent to Iraq.

On the other side of the world Omer (Sam Galzari) is training in an Al Quaeda terrorist camp. However, he spends his evenings singing along to show tunes. He is soon sent to America to live with relatives and finds himself auditioning for American Dreamz, the producers, Tweed and flunkies played by Judi Greer and John Cho, have decided the key to ratings is diversity. They want an arab guy and they choose Omer opposite him they want a jewish guy and they get a hasidic rapper played by Adam Busch.

Running parallel to the American Dreamz story is that of President Jack Staton (Dennis Quaid). Having just narrowly won re-election, President Staton wakes up one morning and decides to read the newspaper instead of his daily briefing. He then proceeds to not leave the presidential bedroom for three solid weeks, choosing to stay in bed reading the newspaper.

To get the president back on his feet his chief of staff (Willem Dafoe in a Dick Chaney haircut) gets the president an appearance as a guest judge on American Dreamz. This places the small town witch, the Arab dreamer and the dimwit president on a collision course, unfortunately the only collision is with indifference.

American Dreamz walks up to the edge of hard satire and then runs away like a scared child. The film does not have a mean bone in it's body despite attempts to look mean. Grant's Simon Cowell may be a self loathing prick but Grant cannot turn off that natural charisma that makes even a bastard like Martin Tweed charming. He's supposed to be a Machiavellian bastard but the edges are worn off and his manipulations never take away from his likability.

Mandy Moore is supposed to be Martin's equal in terms of self involvement and angry ambition but she too cannot turn off the charms that have made her a star. Moore evinces hateful bitchiness, but in an ill-conceived romantic subplot with Grant, she turns cuddly in a dark comic way and you can't help rooting. a little, for an unearned happy ending.

The characters in American Dreamz break down into two categories, either mean or or dopey. Grant, Moore and Dafoe fall into the mean category while Golzari, Klein and Quaid are in the dopey category. In a satire with sharp edges, with a clearer perspective and point of view, this might not be such a bad thing. But in an unfocused mess like American Dreamz you are left to wonder just what are you supposed to enjoy about these characters.

Weitz aspires at once to the hard edges of Kubrick's trenchant Doctor Strangelove and Christopher Guest's gentle prodding Waiting For Guffman and Best In Show. The mix is weak kneed when it needs to be edgy, as in the too soft take on the President, and to edgy when it needs to be soft as in the American Idol satire.

The saddest thing about American Dreamz is that Weitz's approach could have worked. If he had approached the Presidential satire like Kubrick did Strangelove and the American Idol stuff like Guest took on folkies in A Mighty Wind, then American Dreamz might have mixed these two disparate subjects in a satifying way.

Instead what we have is a complete disaster of weak willed satire, dopey hateful characters and rare moments of laughter. American Dreamz is one of the most disappointing films I've seen in a very long while. The very talented Paul Weitz has many more good films in his future, let's hope he puts this one behind him quickly.

Movie Review The Day After Tomorrow

The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 

Directed by Roland Emmerich

Written by Jeffrey Nachmanoff, Roland Emmerich

Starring Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Sela Ward, Ian Holm, Emmy Rossum

Release Date May 28th, 2004

Published May 27th, 2004 

Being a liberal Democrat and environmentalist, I am supposed to be excited that a major summer blockbuster is taking up a cause I care about.

I’m not.

I am not at all excited that a topic as important as global warming is getting the Hollywood treatment, especially from the director who brought us Godzilla. The Day After Tomorrow plays at being important in its marketing campaign only to cover up its utter goofiness as a movie.

Dennis Quaid stars as Jack Hall, everyman Paleoclimatologist with a thing for the end of humanity because of global warming. So into saving future generations from what he believes is a coming ice age, he has lost contact with his wife (Sela Ward) and his son Sam (Jake Gyllenhaal).

Jack spends most of his time with his partners Frank (Jay O. Sanders) and Jason (Dash Mihok) traveling the polar ice caps. Their most recent excursion uncovered something dangerously unexpected that proves Jack’s theory about the ice age. Unfortunately, when Jack pitches his theory at a conference in New Delhi India, he is blown off by the Vice President of the United States (Kenneth Walsh). The VP is more concerned about American wallets than the survival of the human race.

Of course, Jack’s theory applies to an ice age in say 100 years from now, which may be why the VP is less than impressed. Nevertheless, something good comes out of it when Jack meets Dr. Terry Rapson who will play an important role when Jack’s theory comes true much sooner than he expected.

Jack’s theory is that melting polar ice caps will cause the jetstream to stop delivering warm air to much of the Northern Hemisphere, leaving it a frozen wasteland. We are tipped to some serious trouble when Japan is hit with bricks of hail, Los Angeles is devastated by multiple tornadoes and New York City turns into a swimming pool.

More bad news for Jack, his son Sam along with some schoolmates, Brian (Arjay Smith) and Laura (Emmy Rossum) are in New York and trapped by the rising waters in the top floor of the New York Public Library. Now Jack and his team must trek through the rapidly freezing countryside from Washington DC to New York to save his son. Meanwhile, his ex-wife must decide whether to stay with a dying child and wait for a rescue that might not come or join the hordes of Americans heading for the safety and warmth of Mexico.

The film has a solid three act structure, act one the storm, act two the survival and act three the rescue. Of course, director Roland Emmerich who also wrote the film’s script, can’t resist throwing in extraneous touches like a boneheaded sendup of the Bush administration that even the most ardent Bush haters will roll their eyes at. The dying child I mentioned before, exists only to give Sela Ward something to do and is resolved with little drama.

And then there are the wolves. Yes, for some reason wolves have escaped from the New York Zoo and attack our heroes at the most opportune time.

Now the thing that is garnering the most attention about this film is its tenuous grasp of global warming and environmental issues. To the film’s credit, there is no mention of saving the planet, Emmerich has at least grasped the idea that saving the environment is not about the planet, it’s about saving human beings. That said, his ridiculous ideas about global warming, polar ice caps and so-called SUPER storms are more fiction than science.

There may indeed be an ice age in the future but that is part of the cyclical nature of the planet. There has been an ice age before and there will be one again, whether we cause it or not. There is little evidence we could cause it and that is where the film’s specious logic goes beyond its dramatized idea of a six day ice age and into the dangerous situation of casting a negative light on real environmental issues.

The fact is that a summer blockbuster is no place for such big ideas. Summer blockbusters are to dazzle the eye with cheap thrills and loud noises, if they can also be entertaining on top of that, it’s truly an accomplishment. This portentous idea of a blockbuster with global concerns only serves to denigrate those concerns by dragging them down to the level of the big, dumb, loud blockbuster.

On top of all those problems is that the film is just dull as dirt. While some of the special effects are impressive, every bit of character including the usually reliable Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal are annoying, cloying caricatures of melodramatic TV drama characters. This is WB level drama, especially the group of misfits at the library.

The film is interminable halfway through, where the storm and the impressive effects are pretty well over. After that, the film’s atrocious dialogue must carry the day. At 2 hours plus, The Day After Tomorrow makes you wish it were really tomorrow and the movie was a distant memory.

Movie Review The Alamo

The Alamo (2004) 

Directed by John Lee Hancock

Written by John Lee Hancock, Stephen Gaghan, Leslie Bohem

Starring Patrick Wilson, Billy Bob Thornton, Dennis Quaid, Jason Patric 

Release Date April 9th, 2004 

Published April 8th, 2004 

With the patriotic fervor of the war in Iraq having died down, the time for a rousing patriotic war film may have passed. Indeed the producers of The Alamo had to be considering that fervor when they went into production in early 2003. Unfortunately, they lost the opportunity to capitalize on it when the film was deemed not ready for its original December release. Now dumped with little fanfare into the month of April, The Alamo arrives as a professionally made but unmemorable history lesson.

Directed by John Lee Hancock (The Rookie), The Alamo tells the story of how legendary figures Jim Bowie (Jason Patric), William Travis (Patrick Wilson) and Davy Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton) came to a tiny church in San Antonio to fight for the idea that would become the state of Texas.

For Bowie, San Antonio was the home of his late wife where he had spent many happy nights. His return to San Antonio and to the Alamo was a favor to his friend General Sam Houston (Dennis Quaid). Houston was to retrieve the Texas army's largest canon and return it to Gonzales, Texas where the leaders are debating their future. By taking the canon, they are essentially ceding San Antonio to the Mexicans.

William Travis on the other hand, has been charged with holding the Alamo until a decision can be made as to how Texas will declare and defend itself from Mexico's dictator Santa Ana. Will the Texans declare their independence or negotiate a settlement with Santa Anna to hold onto their land under Mexican rule? Under the assumption that Santa Anna will not attack in the winter, the Alamo is thought to be fairly secure, allowing time for the leaders to debate their options.

For David Crockett, as he prefers to be called, Texas is a place to reclaim his legend after losing his congressional seat in Tennessee. Crockett has spoken to Sam Houston and been assured a good deal of land and power if Texas is declared independent. Crockett arrives at the Alamo unaware that the fighting has not stopped, only slowed due to the weather and the Texans' indecision over how to declare independence.

The setup for the climactic battle is slow and drawn out, probably because the actual battle of the Alamo didn't last long. Once Santa Anna decided on a full frontal attack with thousands of Mexican soldiers, there was little that the three hundred or so Texans could do to stop them. The setup for the battle has its moments, such as when Davy Crockett grabs his fiddle and plays along with Santa Anna's army marching band. Still, for the most part it's all rather dull.

We learn little about the historical figures of Bowie, Travis or Crockett other than both Bowie and Travis were slave owners and that Crockett never actually jumped a raging river or took on 20 men at once. Credit Billy Bob Thornton with the film’s best performance. Davy Crockett is a poetic pragmatist who struggles with his legendary status that was assured well before he became a martyr for Texas independence at the Alamo.

The film’s best moments are the battle scenes, the siege at the Alamo, which is quick and brutal, and the battle of Houston where Sam Houston avenged the Alamo by routing Santa Anna's army in 18 minutes. Director John Lee Hancock manages one great moment of emotion with Houston's "Remember The Alamo" rallying cry but other than that the film is rather staid and emotionless. Well made, but soulless.

The film is very professionally crafted with solid acting and a well remembered story. However, it plays like a history lesson from a very dull high school class. None of the characters, aside from Davy Crockett, have much of a personality and none of the supporting performances makes any impression whatsoever.

There was a controversial rumor about Davy Crockett's death but it's only a misunderstanding. The Crockett legend is very much intact at the end of the film. Without the controversy there is very little that is memorable about this Alamo.

Movie Review: Far From Heaven

Far From Heaven (2002)

Directed by Todd Haynes 

Written by Todd Haynes

Starring Julianne Moore, Dennis Quaid, Dennis Haysbert, Patricia Clarkson, Viola Davis, George Clooney

Release Date November 8th, 2002

Published December 24th, 2002

The 1950s is bathed in that Donna Reed/Leave It To Beaver sheen that seems, to irony, impenetrable. The earnestness and honesty of the times is anathema to our current state of affairs. Not that I would prefer the constricted fifties to our open society, rather, I'm merely illustrating the differences that are in conflict in Todd Haynes 50s era drama Far From Heaven, which attempts to openly comment on modern social issues while maintaining the earnestness of its time period. It is a balancing act that ends up in mixed results at best.

Inspired by the works of fifties era hauteur Douglas Sirk, Far From Heaven is a domestic drama that casts Julianne Moore as mother and housewife Catherine Whitaker. Living in the perfect suburb with her perfect children, home and lifestyle, Catherine is the Donna Reed-like ideal 50s woman. Perfect to the point that she and her husband are cast as the perfect couple in an advertisement for her husband's TV manufacturing company. So perfect that a local reporter profiles her as the womanly ideal.

However, cracks are beginning to show. Catherine's husband Frank continually arrives home later and later from work. Then, as Catherine waits for Frank to arrive home to escort her to a party, she is called to the police station to bail him out. She never questions why Frank was in jail; he claims the officer mistook him for the real criminal. The cracks become a huge gaping hole when Catherine decides to deliver dinner to a late working Frank and finds him in flagrante delicto with another man.

Rather than risk her perfect life, Catherine is very forgiving of Frank, escorting him to a psychiatrist where he hopes to be cured of his "affliction." So how does Catherine deal with her emotions? Rather than confide in her closest friend, played by Patricia Clarkson, she takes solace in the kind ear of her new gardener a black man named Raymond Deagen. The attraction isn't overtly sexual; at first, it is friendly and supportive and, slowly, an undercurrent of passion develops that both are fearful of exploring. Especially after a neighbor begins gossiping about the relationship.

Writer-director Todd Haynes is extremely faithful to his period and anyone who has flipped past Turner Classic Movies will recognize from the title sequence, the score by Elmer Bernstein, all the way to the closing credits, the look of the 50s dramas that were actually made in the 1950s. It is really remarkable but also troublesome. Haynes is so successful in his homage that it almost becomes comical, a parody.

The film deals with serious issues in the same ways that the movies that influenced it did, but far more overtly. Films of the 50s couldn't portray overtly homosexual characters or interracial romances, so commentaries on those topics were done through complicated metaphors that are still being discovered today. It is here that Haynes' freedom to portray these issues openly betrays him. Far From Heaven doesn't have the benefit of the mystery of metaphor that was invoked by the films that influenced it.

Julianne Moore gives a fine performance but, at times, only her natural warmth and audience credibility save the character from drifting into Stepford Wife-like parody. Dennis Quaid, as her closeted husband, has an easier time with his role, which has a natural conflict that allows him to be human from beginning to end (whereas Moore's character is at first required to be a Donna Reed clone and then gradually becomes a realistic character.) Haysbert has the difficult task of being saintly from beginning to end, at times taking on an almost beatific air. How a character in his situation could so naively wander from scene to scene without conflict is rather unbelievable.

Todd Haynes shows maturity and savvy that are quite remarkable; he has a very bright future ahead of him. Haynes will do especially well if he maintains his team of art director Peter Rogness, cinematographer Edward Lachman and production designer Mark Friedberg, who bathe every scene in the film in beautiful colors. The look of the film is remarkable for its clarity and will look truly amazing on DVD.

Far From Heaven is a good movie, but it is also a movie that cannot transcend its scenery. The 50s setting is a blessing and a curse. A blessing for the palate it provides for the production design, a curse for the faithfulness and attention to detail it seems to require, that cause the film to seem like almost a parody of itself.

Movie Review: Cold Creek Manor

Cold Creek Manor (2003) 

Directed by Mike Figgis 

Written by Richard Jeffries 

Starring Dennis Quaid, Sharon Stone, Kristen Stewart, Stephen Dorff

Release Date September 19th, 2003 

Published September 18th, 2003 

Why does Hollywood seem to dislike anyone who lives outside of New York or Los Angeles? A number of recent releases show big city folk wandering off to the sticks to get away from it all and finding themselves terrorized by small town folk who don't take kindly to strangers (pause to spit tobacco). The horror films Wrong Turn and Cabin Fever both featured the scary backwoods redneck types, and the new Mike Figgis film, Cold Creek Manor, also recycles the cliché of the whacked-out redneck. That all three of these most recent examples are also less-than-stellar films should tell you something.

Dennis Quaid stars in Cold Creek Manor as Cooper Tilson, a documentary filmmaker and stay-at-home dad to two precocious kids (Kristen Stewart and Ryan Wilson). Cooper's wife, Leah Tilson (Sharon Stone), is some sort of executive, constantly jetting off to important meetings and missing her family. When their son is nearly killed by an angry New York driver, mom and dad decide that it's time to give up city life and live the ultimate yuppie fantasy of a beautiful country home.

In true money pit fashion, however, the couple chooses the absolute wrong house, a place called Cold Creek Manor. It's the kind of place that, when it's name is spoken, people look away in horror. Of course, the city folk are dense enough not to notice the many warning signs. One thing they can't avoid noticing however is the manor's former owner Dale Massie (Stephen Dorff), who, upon leaving prison, promptly breaks into the home and joins the family for dinner. As a courtesy for having sold off all of Dale's belongings, they hire him on to help rehab the rundown house.

Needless to say, Dale has some bad intentions toward his home’s new occupants and it's not long before the crazed redneck is terrorizing the family. Call it Cape Fear-light; we have definitely seen this whole thing before. The odd thing is, the trailer and commercials seemed to play up a supernatural element to the story. It's an element that is not in the actual film, where the melodrama is all too human.

Sharon Stone makes an obvious attempt to soften her image in Cold Creek Manor, playing a loving mother as opposed to her typecast sexpot roles. Unfortunately, Stone's performance in Cold Creek Manor only serves to highlight exactly why she has been typecast. Stone radiates the warmth of an icy river. Writer Richard Jeffries doesn't help much by giving her a weepy victim role instead of a fully fleshed out character.

Dennis Quaid is only slightly more effective as the father character but much of that is based on his cultivated career playing a wide range of likable good guys. Also playing opposite Stephen Dorff's well-played psycho gives Quaid the opportunity to bounce off of some good character work. Indeed, Stephen Dorff is the film’s true star. Though his character is not very well written, he infuses it with the necessary menace and smarminess to make it as believable as it can be within the ridiculously over the top story.

It might have seemed confusing to see such a mercurial director as Mike Figgis directing such a conventional thriller. The only reason I can see why he made Cold Creek Manor was to indulge his love of architecture. As he did in his little seen but well respected film Liebestraum, Figgis directs his sets better than his actors. You can see where this script would appeal to Figgis because it allows him to film a house of exquisite design. The house in Cold Creek Manor is in fact at times better shot than its stars, Ms. Stone in particular.

But great architecture does not make a great movie. Cold Creek Manor is too conventional, stereotypical and languidly paced to be a great movie, or even a good movie for that matter.

Movie Review G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra

G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra 

Directed by Stephen Sommers 

Written by Stuart Beattie, David Elliott, Paul Lovett 

Starring Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Dennis Quaid, Ray Park, Joseph Gordon Levitt 

Release Date August 7th, 2009 

Published August 6th, 2009 

It is very, very, bad form to reference the great French auteur Jean Luc Godard in a review of something as ludicrous as G.I the movie but, the great director's quote that the best way to criticize a movie is to make another movie an apt and ironic way to discuss Paramount Pictures persnickety reaction to bad reviews of their other toy based movie Transformer Revenge of the Fallen (Again many apologies for dragging you into this Monsieur Godard). 

G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra acts as a near perfect commentary on the Transformers sequel. The parallels are almost endless. You have properties based on toy lines. You have stunningly awful dialogue shouted by utterly moronic characters and stories so incomprehensible that they leave almost no logical basis whatsoever for their very existence. Oh, and don't forget the girls in the super tight clothes. The only difference between these movies is that G.I Joe knows it's ridiculous and runs with it while Michael Bay thinks he's making Lawrence of Arabia with giant talking robots. 

Stephen Summers, the good natured hack behind The Mummy, keeps things light and goofy and allows a good time to be had by all and not just those most forgiving. The plot of G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra is of absolutely no consequence. Ok, fine, here's a capsule: G.I Joe is a secret NATO organization with elite soldiers from around the world who keep bad guys at bay. The latest bad guy to step out of line is an arms dealer named McCullen (Christopher McCullen) who is grinding a 400 year old ax over the way his arms dealing fore-fathers were treated. 

McCullen has developed a weapon that is sentient and can eat all metal structures. The unwanted logical question is: Why, if he built the weapon does he then hire thugs to steal the weapon? We never knew the weapon was stolen or taken from him so it is weird to see him send people to steal it. Who knows why but McCullen indeed does hire The Baroness (Sienna Miller, every nerd's dream in librarian glasses and tight black leather) and Storm Shadow (Byung Hun Lee) a ninja.  I mention that Storm Shadow is a ninja because, like all fanboys, just the word 'Ninja' makes me giddy. 

The attempt to steal the weapon draws the ire of G.I Joe and all out war ensues in both the Joe's buried in the desert bunker and the arms dealer's underwater fortress beneath the ice caps of the north pole. I imagine director Summers and Screenwriter Stuart Beattie laughing like school children as they chose these locations, I certainly did when each was revealed. There is a definite kitsch at work here but not so much that G.I Joe becomes all out camp. It's a little too aware of its own out-there-ness to allow for camp. 

Ah, but kitsch without a doubt, this is kitsch. Just check the buck wild goofy cameo by Mummy star Brendan Fraser who appears for one scene and seems more like a reject from a Rushmore production of Apocalypse Now than the star of G.I Joe sequels to come. Fraser is the only actor truly aware of the goofiness. The rest of the cast mixes dedicated professionalism with a healthy amount of incredulity. 

That is except poor Channing Tatum whose deathly seriousness as the newest Joe, Duke, becomes the film's biggest unintentional joke. Tatum is a handsome kid but his mumbled lines and wooden face turn even his attempts at humor into the most forceful of kitsch. Tatum has a following among young girls who have only recently discovered how to properly apply the new school slang 'hottie'. New school, in that it has only been a part of our low culture for maybe a decade. 

The rest of the cast of G.I Joe seems about as in on the joke as director Sommers. The key is, their awareness never becomes irritating in that winking fashion, again save for Fraser. Dennis Quaid is among many who, I am sure, stifled giggles over his dialogue that is almost entirely exposition. Rachel Blanchard is quite the trooper selling an attraction to the mugging comic relief that is Marlon Wayans. She, naturally, has a 'catfight' with the Baroness that is pure cheesecake but also brief. Sienna Miller has the most backstory of any character and plays it to good effect, as good as can be expected of such a limited and witless script. 

And then there is Ray Park as Snake Eyes. This is the character most fanboys were waiting for and we are not disappointed. Park is already a fanboy legend as the gone too soon Darth Maul in Phantom Menace (There is a stunningly large amount of fan fiction solely dedicated to Darth Maul murdering Jar Jar Binks, not related to this review really but interesting). Snake Eyes is the brother of Storm Shadow and they battle with swords, guns, fists and feet in well choreographed battles that culminate in unexpected fashion. Ray Park has more range behind Snakeyes's leather mask than co-star Channing Tatum has shown in several movies. 

G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra shames Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen not just in its better attitude and knowingness but also in special effects, editing and sound design, the alleged specialties of Mr. Michael Bay. The effects in G.I Joe work because of the clarity and uncluttered direction of Steven Sommers who managed this same economical trick in realizing The Mummy. Where Transformers 2 is a mess of robot carcasses battering one another at an ear splitting volume, G.I Joe is fleet and nimble, keeping the ludicrous action in focus where we can actually make out who is doing what to whom. 

G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra alsi unfolds quicker and lingers on noise far less than Transformers 2. Indeed, as Godard said, if you want to criticize a movie, make another movie. G.I is the other to Transformers 2 and Stephen Summers shows Michael Bay almost every mistake he made and then proceeds to make most of them again, only with a little more style and a whole lot more fun.

Movie Review: The Rookie

The Rookie (2002) 

Directed by John Lee Hancock 

Written by Mike Rich 

Starring Dennis Quaid, Rachel Griffiths, Jay Hernandez, Brian Cox 

Release Date March 29th, 2002

Published March 28th, 2002

Is there any more tired genre than the sports movie?

Many films are bogged down by the conventions of genre but the sports movie is so constricted it's almost pointless. Every sports film ends up a clone of every other sports film. 2001's Hardball was essentially an urban Bad News Bears with a hint of The Mighty Ducks. The 2000 football movie The Replacements was the same movie that was made in 1993 under the name Necessary Roughness, and so on and so on. Examples of this tired genre stretch out for miles and now comes yet another tired sports movie The Rookie starring Dennis Quaid.

In this mostly true story, Dennis Quaid stars as Jim Morris, a small-town science teacher and baseball coach. With his team playing poorly and desperately needing motivation, Morris cuts them a deal. Morris agrees to try out for a major league baseball team if his team makes it to the States. You see, Morris was on the fast track to the majors in his youth but blew out his arm. Now his arm is healthy and throwing harder than ever. Well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to tell you what happens next; after all it is a true story. Even if it weren't a true story do you honestly think the team would lose and the coach not tryout for the majors?

The Rookie is not a bad film. Technically it is well shot and the acting is first rate. I especially loved Rachel Griffith who, while having very little to do in the picture, still manages to create a strong character. In the end though, no matter how proficient the project is it cannot escape the demons of the sports genre, which is more than ripe for parody. Those genre conventions and the film’s corn-pone, family values, Disneyfied universe make for a film that while efficiently made was doomed to failure even before it began because it is so by the numbers. 

Jim Morris's triumph is intended to be inspiring but because it feels like EVERY other sports movie, every other baseball movie, The Rookie is rendered inert. The drama drags along through scenes that feel as if we've seen them in every other movie. The Rookie has a true life story but director John Lee Hancock makes that story feel so like every other sports movie that even this TRUE story feel like just another sports genre movie. Each beat of the story, every character development, and the ultimate triumph all feel unimpressive and forgettable.