You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger (2010)
Directed by Woody Allen
Written by Woody Allen
Starring Naomi Watts, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Brolin, Lucy Punch
Release date September 22nd, 2010
Published September 22nd, 2010
Woody Allen has long been a cynic and often a downer, especially in recent years. However, that cynicism as in the underappreciated comedy “Anything Else” or last year's weaker but not bad “Whatever Works” was at least leavened with biting humor. For his latest effort "You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger" Allen has given in to an arrogant cynicism that desperately could use some better jokes.
Gemma Jones is ostensibly the star of "You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger," if only for the fact that she plays the character who is most subject of Allen's contempt, as Helena a woman whose husband of 45 years, Alfie (Anthony Hopkins), has left her. Having become a severe burden to her daughter Sally (Naomi Watts) and her husband Roy (Josh Brolin), they have fobbed Helena off on a fortune teller named Cristal (Pauline Collins) who has become a friend and guru.
Sally meanwhile, has a budding flirtation with her boss played by Antonio Banderas and Roy, struggling as a novelist who can't finish his second book, begins an affair with a neighbor played by Frieda Pinto. And then there is poor, pathetic Alfie who after leaving Helena has taken up with a prostitute named Charmaine (Lucy Punch) who is spending him into the poorhouse and cheating on him even as he professes love for her and wears out his Viagra prescriptions to keep up with her.
In the universe of Woody Allen, Sally, Roy and Alfie are burdened with the knowledge of their longings and sorrows while Helena takes idiot comfort in plans for her afterlife, living again as she has lived in the past, possibly as Cleopatra or some sort of English royalty; what point would there be to a dull past life?
In this universe there is no comfort for the intellectual while the dullard finds peace in her foolishness and is the only character to emerge unscathed. Now, as a fellow non-believer who finds such things as past lives, after-life, fortune tellers and mediums to be mere hokum, I can identify with Mr. Allen's loathing of such things. However, Mr. Allen becomes boorish when he protests the fools without humor as he does in "You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger."
As Mr. Allen wields his bitterness by mocking Helena he seems to lose track or simply pay no mind to the travails of Sally and Roy. Naomi Watts and Josh Brolin play at having had romantic chemistry, a good trait for a couple portraying marital decay, but as the marriage ends and once it is over we are merely taught a lesson in chance that has little humor or interest.
Roy brings about his own moral undoing but it has little to do with his cheating on his wife or falling in love with Ms. Pinto. As for Sally, she has no real moral undoing; she's merely unlucky in love. Neither plot is delivered with much humor or insight; it's likely the mundane nature of Sally's plight is the point of her story but I think if we want mundane we can find plenty of it in our own lives.
Alfie's plot is the only one to generate much of any comic steam and all of that comes from the wonderful performance of Lucy Punch as Charmaine. Ms. Punch is a walking punch line of snapping gum and streetwalker cliché. Her overwrought idiot line reads are almost all jokes and Ms. Punch delivers them with effortless humor. Mr. Hopkins is good as the dazed old timer pretending he's still young and yet realizing that all he really wants is a comfortable chair but his realizations are nothing new.
If you enjoy Woody Allen's brand of cynicism, minus his usual wit then "You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger" is the movie for you. While I am as much a cynic when it comes to religion, the afterlife, mediums, fortune tellers and the like, I try not to bore people with my rationality. Mr. Allen bores away in "You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger" and like meeting the know-it-all at a party you cannot run away to the other side of the room fast enough.
