Movie Review Kingsman The Golden Circle

Kingsman The Golden Circle (2017)

Directed by Matthew Vaughn 

Written by Jane Goldman, Matthew Vaughn 

Starring Taron Egerton, Julianne Moore, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Halle Berry, Channing Tatum, Jeff Bridges

Release Date September 22nd, 2017 

Published September 21st, 2017 

Kingsman: The Secret Service was a not particularly inventive rehash of Mark Millar’s previously adapted work, Kick-Ass. The derivative spy take on the same tropes of the super-hero send-up bored me endlessly with its nihilistic approach to James Bond minus the strange wit of Kick-Ass, which shared not just creator Millar but also director Matthew Vaughn, who couldn’t help but seem to rip off his own work in a lazy rehash.

Kingsman: The Golden Circle, thankfully, is not Kick-Ass 2. That sequel was a massive letdown that quickly destroyed the goodwill carried over from the inventive original film. Here, with The Golden Circle we have the opposite effect. Considering that they had nowhere to go but up following The Secret Service, Kingsman: The Golden Circle has the wit, charm, and fun that the original was lacking, minus the nihilistic violence that was so out of place in the first film. Don’t get me wrong, there are still gruesome elements but nothing that approaches the overrated church shootout of Kingsman 1.

Eggsy (Taron Edgerton) is still living with the loss of his mentor, Harry (Colin Firth), as we join the story of Kingsman: The Golden Circle. His time to mourn, however, is quickly cut short as the film dives into a spectacular car chase to open The Golden Circle. Though it is showy and rather pointless to the plot, the chase is undeniably spectacular with Edgerton battling it out inside of a cab with a former Kingsman recruit who is now working for the bad guys and is part robot.

The bad guy in Kingsman: The Golden Circle is actually a bad lady played by Julianne Moore. Poppy, Moore’s character, is a drug dealer who hopes to use her illicit products to hold the world hostage. Meanwhile, she’s also found a way to take the Kingsmen out of the game by blowing up all of their headquarters around the globe and killing several of Eggsy’s close friends, while he happens to be out of the country.

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal. 

Movie Review Logan Lucky

Logan Lucky (2017) 

Directed by Steven Soderbergh 

Written by Rebecca Blunt 

Starring Channing Tatum, Adam Driver, Katie Holmes, Riley Keough, Daniel Craig, Hilary Swank, Katherine Waterston, Sebastian Stan 

Release Date August 18th, 2017 

Published August 17th, 2017 

Being a fan of the American history podcast The Dollop allows me to watch a movie like Logan Lucky and never for a moment find the story implausible. Take a listen to them tell the remarkable true story titled Jet-Pack Madness and you will find within it a story every bit as brilliant as a Coen Brothers comedy. Everything in Logan Lucky feels completely plausible when you compare it to such historic silliness as what transpired with the Jet-Pack or the L.A Freeway Shootout or The Human Taco.

The Dollop has nothing to do with Logan Lucky but I could not help thinking of how Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds would tell this story if it were true. I imagine it would be just as good as the movie Steven Soderbergh has made, a crazy story of crime, family, pride, NASCAR, and the South. That Logan Lucky is also a heist movie is nearly incidental, as if these characters existing as they do might make for a good enough story but that they happen to pulling off a multi-million dollar NASCAR-themed heist certainly makes things even more colorful.

The Logan family is cursed or at least that is what little brother Clyde Logan (Adam Driver) believes and he would be happy to regale you with his tragic family background while he pours beer at a West Virginia bar called Duck-Tape. Older brother Jimmy (Channing Tatum) doesn’t buy into the curse, though Clyde’s point is understandable, he’s just back from losing an arm in Iraq while Jimmy lost a scholarship to play Quarterback at LSU when he blew out his knee and just as we meet him, Jimmy is fired from his job working construction underneath the famed Charlotte Motor Speedway.

Nevertheless, Jimmy doesn’t buy into Clyde’s curse talk, especially since he’s decided to pull off a multi-million-dollar vault heist and doesn't need the bad juju on his mind right now. Having been fired from his job where he operated an earth mover beneath the famed North Carolina race track, Jimmy has found out where all the money from the stadium concessions goes and how it gets there. The only thing standing in his way is the vault but Jimmy happens to know a guy who can help, if they can get him out of prison.\

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Magic Mike's Last Dance

Magic Mike's Last Dance (2023) 

Directed by Steven Soderbergh 

Written by Reid Carolin 

Starring Channing Tatum, Salma Hayek

Release Date February 10th, 2023 

Published February 14th, 2023 

Can I recommend a movie solely on the strength of the sexual chemistry between the two leads? It seems like a thin premise for recommending a movie. But, Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek are so incredible together, so insanely sexy together, I kind of want to recommend Magic Mike's Last Dance. Even as the plot seems like nonsense and the story feels cobbled together on the fly, the smoldering sexual chemistry of Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek is so fiery, it's kind of worth suffering the nonsense for. 

Magic Mike's Last Dance returns Channing Tatum, and his washboard abs, to the role of Mike Lane, stripper turned furniture maker, turned bartender as we join this story. Mike's dream of making handmade furniture failed amid the pandemic and he has sustained himself as a bartender for hire at parties ever since. That's how Mike meets Maxandra (Salma Hayek). She's a bored, rich, soon to be divorced cougar who has hired Mike on the recommendation of one of her employees. 

According to said employee, Mike can give Maxandra the kind of experience she's been craving, the kind of male attention she's desired since deciding to leave her husband. Indeed, Mike reluctantly agrees to her terms and provides such an experience. Showing off his insanely sexual lap dance skills, Mike sweeps Maxandra up in a lusty tornado of writhing flesh and she's hooked immediately. Though Mike doesn't want to be a kept man, he can't resist when Maxandra asks him to follow her to London, her primary home. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Jupiter Ascending

Jupiter Ascending (2015) 

Directed by The Wachowskis

Written by The Wachowskis

Starring Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, Tuppence Middleton

Release Date February 6th, 2015 

Published February 5th, 2015 

My cynical 30-something armor can no longer be pierced by the earnest arrows of the artist trapped in commercial hell. Yes, while there is a deep seated part of my soul that wishes for a day I could once again appreciate the trappings of those wounded souls willingly baring themselves before us, as they wring their hands over cashing studio checks but alas, it is for naught. I've been too ironically distanced from my own emotions for too long. 

It is, therefore, impossible for me to appreciate "Jupiter Ascending," the latest work of the wonderfully open and earnest Wachowski siblings. Like their previous effort, "Cloud Atlas," "Jupiter Ascending" is a daringly original piece that attempts to elevate pop to art via pop philosophy with a dash of liberal/progressive politicking. It's an effort I can admire but in a package I can't help but mock ceaselessly.

"Jupiter Ascending" stars Mila Kunis as Jupiter, a house cleaner by trade who happens to be the human replicant of a dead alien queen, destined to inherit the Earth. A mostly shirtless Channing Tatum plays Caine, Jupiter's wolf-like, Spock-eared protector in rocket boots. That's a literal translation of who these characters are and their relationship to one another. How am I expected to take this seriously? 

To be fair, Luke Skywalker was a descendant of an ancient race of spiritual ninjas who fights alongside robots, Wookies, and tiny aliens, but I find myself capable of loving the goofiness of "Star Wars." So why not love the goofiness of "Jupiter Ascending?" Maybe I've reached my “goofy” limit. Or maybe "Star Wars" is simply a superior effort from a more dedicated master of earnest goofiness. 

"Jupiter Ascending" grows only more goofy as it rolls along, picking up the story of three goofball villains. Brothers Titus (Douglas Booth) and Balem (Oscar nominee Eddie Redmayne) and sister Kalique (Tuppence Middleton) hope to trick or kill poor Jupiter in order to usurp her birthright as the owner-operator of the Earth. You see, kids, Earth is really just a farm for the universe, where people are cattle used as commodities to be harvested. If poor Jupiter can't stop them, the Earth becomes the beauty product equivalent of Soylent Green. 

One cannot help but admire the wont of the Wachowskis to create something wholly original. "Jupiter Ascending" is that rare breed of modern movie blockbuster that is not based on a comic book or a young-adult novel. The Wachowskis took great care to assemble this brand-new universe, and their dedication is admirable even as the product of that dedication is incredibly risible. 

"Jupiter Ascending" is not unlike the spiritual cousin of “Avatar,” another overly earnest attempt at pop politics. Like that monstrosity, "Jupiter Ascending" is a massive work of pop art that attempts to smuggle politics under the guise of science fiction. Unfortunately, the politics of both films are so obvious and under-cooked that even as I find myself agreeing with both films’ philosophies, I can't help but mock how simpleminded they both are. 

Modern progressives are growing more open and earnest with each new generation. This is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing in that stances in favor of the poor and those affected by the ills of discrimination now have vocal defenders. But it's also a curse as these most vocal progressives tend to run headlong into the buzz-saws of political commerce without the ironic armor that protected generations before. 

My generation wielded humor as a dangerous and divisive weapon against our political foes. We could swing the hammer of cynical humor at our earnest conservative opponents and expose their whiny cores in the process. The more earnest, modern progressive-liberals are far too quick to believe that their opponents can be reasoned with or shown the error of their ways via earnest conversation. This leads to movies like "Jupiter Ascending," where the progressive message is ladled heavily and humorlessly over easy-to-consume-and-destroy pop science fiction. 

For people like me, raised on the misanthropic, self-protective, liberal politics of the past, I feel the need to destroy "Jupiter Ascending" before my opponents get their hands on such an easy and shallow target.

Movie Review The Eagle

The Eagle (2011) 

Directed by Kevin MacDonald 

Written by Jeremy Brock 

Starring Channing Tatum, Jamie Bell, Donald Sutherland, Mark Strong

Release Date February 11th, 2011 

Published February 11th, 2011

Could the wholly un-ironic hero be making a comeback? If the new action movie “The Eagle” is any indication the answer is a solid maybe. The box office is the real deciding factor on such a trend but “The Eagle” is a notable movie for bringing back the story of the unabashed hero, a flawless, stalwart do-gooder who does what he feels is right without pausing for reflection or most importantly without the armor of ironic distance from his quest.

Channing Tatum is the earnest star of “The Eagle” as Marcus Aquila the new commander of a decrepit English outpost of the Roman Empire. Marcus's father was the leader of the legendary 9th Legion, 5000 men who simply vanished in Northern England (Scotland) leading to the establishment of Hadrian's Wall, the edge of the earth for Romans.

Lost in the battle with the 9th Legion was their legendary symbol, a golden eagle that stands for Rome. Marcus aches to recover the Eagle to restore honor to his family name. After suffering an injury in battle Marcus's military career looks to have ended abruptly but after a painful recovery he is ready for a return and he has one quest in particular in mind.

With only the aid of his slave Esca (Jamie Bell), Marcus intends to cross into the unconquered territories and rescue the Eagle of the 9th.

”The Eagle” is a movie that doesn't mess around; director Kevin McDonald jumps into the fray and tells a well paced, well motivated story with an economy of dialogue and free of the kind of sardonic asides that modern action movies use as a buttress against seeming to care about the action around them.

The modern action movie began employing humor as a way of barricading itself from the criticism of the oftentimes goofy action, a way of saying 'we know how goofy this looks.' However, in becoming self aware, the action hero became self conscious and the act of heroism became a burden. “The Eagle” rejects the distance between hero and heroism and in doing so feels kind of fresh in comparison.

Channing Tatum is really the perfect star for this kind of movie. Tatum's stony visage seems incapable of winking at the audience, or of really knowing why he would be winking. Instead, Tatum bowls forward head first into the action with earnest relish and while you can make fun of his lack of depth his sturdy toughness fits the role and gives “The Eagle” some real juice.

While Tatum brings the toughness, Jamie Bell brings the acting chops. Bell steals scene after scene in “The Eagle” with his angry, determined performance. Bell gives life to Esca's back story, a slave captured from the North who may just as soon slit Marcus's throat as save his life, with his forceful words and a deathly stare.

The action in “The Eagle” is a little too much of the quick cut style that has plagued far too many modern action epics but director Kevin McDonald saves it with solid pacing and well motivated characters. His heroes have purpose and desire and while honor in battle is something that the modern action hero turns his nose up at, it's refreshing to see that type of hero make a comeback here.

”The Eagle” is a rugged, earnest action movie for audiences that have tired of the modern action hero and his ironic aside. I'm not saying that ironic self awareness is dead but occasionally it's nice to see a hero who says what he means and does what he says he's going to do without the armor of the one liner to keep anyone from taking him too seriously. There is something at stake in “The Eagle” and the hero doesn't hide from it behind a jokey insistence that nothing really matters.

Movie Review: Fighting

Fighting (2009) 

Directed by Dito Montiel 

Written by Robert Munic, Dito Montiel 

Starring Channing Tatum, Terrence Howard, Luis Guzman, Brian White 

Release Date April 24th, 2009

Published April 24th, 2009 

Fighting is one of the stranger moviegoing experiences of my short career as a critic. I was really, really impressed with the work of director Dito Montiel in creating characters and a universe for them to exist in that felt immediate and real. I was impressed with star Channing Tatum's natural charisma masked within the role of a kid whose a little slow witted but has a big heart. Tatum alongside Oscar winner Terrence Howard deliver performances pitched well above the B-movie grit of the story.

Then an odd thing happens. The end of Fighting arrives and you realize that the story and many of the character motivations made absolutely no sense and moreover, no one seems to have cared to script the ending in any kind of believable fashion. So irritated was I by this complete disregard for storytelling that I cannot even recommend the movie despite being so impressed with so much of what I saw.

In Fighting Channing Tatum plays Shawn McArthur a homeless kid who sells used Ipods and fake Harry Potter books on street corners. One day as he is selling his wares a group of teens attempt to rob him and Shawn defends himself with serious brute force. His fighting style catches the eye of the man who sent the teens to rob him.

His name is Harvey (Terrence Howard) and he happens to work somehow within the shady world of underground fighting and gambling. He finds fighters to bet on or against, depending on whether they are willing to throw fights or are good enough to win fights. Shawn is good enough to win repeatedly though throwing a fight has more of a guarantee of getting paid.

The world of Fighting really comes together in these strange underground worlds where Shawn is brought to fight. They could be the setting for a very cool videogame but they are dressed up well enough that we are convinced of their otherworldly reality and as Shawn fights we are absorbed into the crowds and the bloodlust and we come to cheer for Shawn.

That the fighting scenes are the best in a movie called Fighting is rather the way it should be. That the performances in and around the fights are so intriguing and compelling is a pleasant surprise. Director Dito Montiel infuses life and energy throughout all of Fighting and not just the fight scenes.

So, why do we get to the end and feel so astonishingly short changed? It's truly bizarre. It's as if the production stopped paying screenwriter Robert Munic 2/3's the way through filming and were forced to just make up the rest as they went along. That is literally how slipshod the final scenes of Fighting play. The compromised storytelling is so bad I can't recommend this otherwise exceptionally well made B-movie.

What a shame.

Movie Review Stop Loss

Stop Loss (2008)

Directed by Kimberly Pierce 

Written by Kimberly Pierce 

Starring Ryan Phillipe, Channing Tatum, Abbie Cornish, Joseph Gordon Levitt

Release Date March 28th, 2008

Published March 28th, 2008 

I know that all of you hate it when I review a movie and discuss the film's marketing as part of the review. The fact of the matter is however that whether you like it or not movie marketing changes your perception of a movie, shapes it and creates an expectation that the movie must deliver on or suffer your opinion. Thus how the marketing of the Iraq war drama Stop Loss prevented me from finding something redeeming about this well acted but boring drama.

With the backing of MTV Films this well meaning Iraq war drama becomes a movie about buffed up supermodels playing soldiers against a heavy pop rock soundtrack. A shame because Ryan Phillippe is far too good for something this slicked up and prepackaged.

Stop Loss is directed by the brilliant Kimberly Pierce who has not worked since her Boys Don't Cry was the victim of indie politics and red state fear. Returning to work with her first relatively big budget, Pierce wants to criticize a failing US military policy in a thoughtful and dramatic way. Unfortunately, with the backing of MTV Films what we get is a soundtrack and pretty scenery.

Ryan Phillippe is the star of Stop Loss as Sgt. Brandon King. Sgt. King thinks he is done with the war in Iraq but when he goes for his exit interview he is told to report back to duty and ship out for Iraq once again. Sgt. King has stopped a policy that allows a President to extend a soldiers tour for an unspecified amount of time during a time of war.

Brandon is none too happy with this situation and vows to fight it, eventually going AWOL with his buddy Steve's (Channing Tatum) wife (Abbie Cornish) and traveling to Washington where he hopes a friendly Congressman can get him out. Steve on the other hand is happy to be going back. His post traumatic stress has caused him nothing but pain since returning home and he hopes that returning to the battlefield will center him again. 

Michele, Steve's wife, at first just offers to drive Brandon out of state but once on the road she becomes wrapped up in the cause and eventually wrapped up in Brandon, she rationalizes "Steve's married to the army". 

Is it fair to criticize Phillippe, Tatum, Cornish and supporting players Joseph Gordon Levitt and Rob Brown for being good looking? No. But, when MTV Films marketing department makes the movie about these guys with their shirts off and Ms. Cornish in just a half t-shirt, no bra, it becomes about their looks and less about their characters and the story being told.

Director Kimberly Pierce gets caught up in the slick, beautiful-people-only world of MTV movie making and loses sight of her story. Stop Loss then quickly devolves from thoughtful drama to exactly what the movie marketers promised, America's Next Top Model, men's edition, set to a high octane, highly salable pop soundtrack.

Worse than the marketing hooks however is the fact that Stop Loss is  boring. After a few rousing battle scenes in Iraq we return to Texas and wait for something to happen. Nothing much does. The actors go through the motions of being haunted, tormented and depressed but few get below the surface. Joseph Gordon Levitt, so brilliant recently in a string of exceptional performances, here seems especially going through the motions.

It seems every war drama has a character exactly like the one played by Mr. Levitt and the character's fate is drawn out to the same conclusion each time. Levitt plays it all with a serious brood on but he is not central to the plot and by the end his fate is utterly meaningless.

Ryan Phillippe is effective, more so than anyone else in the movie, but his over pronounced Texas drawl is distracting and his buffed up, shirtless physique gets just as much attention as the plight of his character. Channing Tatum, star of Step Up, is surprisingly effective as a meat headed guy who sees himself as a blunt instrument of war and acts as such. With a little more care there could have been something really extraordinary about Mr. Tatum's performance but beyond his desperation he is an emotional sieve. 

As Iraq war movies go Stop Loss sidesteps the pro-war/anti-war minefield by sticking close to these characters. By making this movie about these specific characters and not about a grandstanding, overarching point of view, Ms.Pierce opens her movie to a wider audience and comes off as something of a coward for not taking a stand one way or the other.

Stop Loss seems to oppose a policy which subjects our troops to treatment we wouldn't wish upon our enemies but has little of interest to say in opposition of this treatment. The abuse of our soldier's bravery and commitment is an idea that needs exploration. Stop Loss exploits it as a way of presenting pretty boy soldiers without their shirts partying to a soundtrack that will sell big on MTV.com.

Movie Review The Dilemma

The Dilemma (2011) 

Directed by Ron Howard

Written by Allan Loeb

Starring Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder, Jennifer Connelly, Channing Tatum

Release Date January 14th, 2011

Published January 14th, 2011 

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my job is to talk about the movie “The Dilemma” but I'm not so much interested in this movie as I am in the fact that Jennifer Connelly, excuse me, OSCAR WINNER JENNIFER CONNELLY, is the fourth lead in a bad romantic comedy. This, I guess, shouldn't be news; she was after all the sixth lead in the far worse romantic crime “He's Just Not That into You,” but the sad trajectory of Connelly's career since her Oscar win for “A Beautiful Mind” is a strong parallel to the struggles of this well meaning but failing movie.

In “The Dilemma” Jennifer Connelly plays a Chef who is living with Vince Vaughn's typical commitment-phobic smooth talker, this time named Ronnie. It is Ms. Connelly's job to look concerned and be constantly confused by Mr. Vaughn's increasingly bizarre actions related possibly to a gambling problem he's had for years. That's what Connelly's Beth thinks anyway. Sadly, Ms. Connelly is introduced and then forced to the sidelines for most of the second act before returning for the third act in an even more diminished and forgettable fashion. 

The reality is that Ronnie has discovered that his best friend's wife, Geneva (Winona Ryder), is sneaking around with a young, tattooed stud (Channing Tatum) . Ronnie discovered the secret but when he confronted Geneva about it she threatened to lie and say Ronnie has been flirting with her. Geneva also has a blackmail secret that she hangs over Ronnie's head but none of this really matters, it's merely a way to keep the plot wheels spinning after the 'Dilemma' of the title is revealed.

Thus Ronnie sets about trying to tell Nick (Kevin James) that Geneva is cheating on him without actually telling him. This leads to a lot of sitcom level shenanigans where Ronnie tries to manufacture a scenario where Nick can catch Geneva in the act, thus relieving him of the burden of this secret. That idea has comic invention to it but it never elicits any laughs. Instead, the turgid direction of Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn's sweaty, shifty performance make the movie feel desperate as it fails to get laugh after laughter and potential laugh. 

Failing to find a tone between comedy and drama, “The Dilemma” flails about between the professional direction of Ron Howard and Vince Vaughn's sad attempts to continue his aging brand of fast talking, Peter Pan Complex humor. Certainly there is a middle ground between Howard and Vaughn but they never find it here and their styles clash like a head on collision.

The styles clash in the career of Jennifer Connelly have come as she has tried to keep one hand in the mainstream in films like “The Hulk” and “Dark Water” and one in the world of serious dramas with roles in “Little Children,” “House of Sand and Fog” and “Reservation Road.” Neither path has worked for Connelly, now she finds herself fourth name down below stars with half her talent.

Maybe it was the decision to suborn herself to the girlfriend role in “The Hulk, thus showing herself willing to accept less than equal billing with male co-stars of lesser star power, or maybe it was the failure of her first solo lead in “Dark Water,” something caused Jennifer Connelly to stop believing in herself and begin believing that she deserves 5th wheel roles like Beth in “The Dilemma.”

Before the release of “The Dilemma” I wrote a piece on the ‘Dilemma’ facing Vince Vaughn as his aging man-boy persona begins to fade. A similar dilemma seems to be afflicting Ms. Connelly except that she seems far more accepting of her sad fate. You can see it in her listless performance in “The Dilemma” and in her acceptance of material that would likely leave any actress a little bored.

Ms. Connelly you are better than this. Stop letting Hollywood dictate to you that you are not strong enough for anything more than the 4th lead in a crappy movie like “The Dilemma.” Flash that hardware around and find some indie movie producer who can give you the kinds of roles that excite you in ways this role clearly does not.

Movie Review: Dear John

Dear John (2010) 

Directed by Lasse Hallstrom

Written by Jamie Linden 

Starring Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried, Henry Thomas, Richard Jenkins 

Release Date February 5th, 2010

Published February 4th, 2010 

Dear John is a romance starring actor Channing Tatum's abs and actress Amanda Seyfried's eyes. As he takes his shirt off to reveal his ripples her wide, deep eyes travel the lengths of his musculature and boom you have a movie. This will be enough to satisfy the depraved teenage girls whose eyes will also travel the full length of Mr. Tatum's tummy again and again.

For the rest of us however, those not inclined to stare longingly at Mr. Tatum's Playgirl centerfold audition, Dear John is a dreary bore of romantic cliché and moony mawkishness.

I already described the plot, he takes his shirt off, she stares, the end, but I am sure some of you would like a little more detail. After all, Dear John did not begin life as an adaptation of Jergen De Mey's bestseller The Action Hero Body but rather as an adaptation of one of Nicholas Sparks's astonishing series of simpleminded romance hits.

Dear John tells the story of John, how inventive right. John is a soldier who while home on leave in early 2001 meets cute with Savannah (Seyfried) when she loses her purse in the ocean and he dives in to save it. She's with a boy when this happens but he has a shirt on, John doesn't and his glistening, rippling self is all it takes for that guy to go away, hell I can't even remember who he was.

John joins Savannah for a party at her home and an introduction to the special needs child she spends time with seals their fate as lifetime lovers. The love birds spend the summer together, her appreciating his repeated shirtlessness, he staring longingly if emptily into her wide pool-like eyes. Things are said but nothing is more important than their respective beauty.

Then John has to ship out and since this story is set in 2001 there is a pretty big twist coming up, wink wink. Yes, 9/11 is a plot point in this dopey romance and as the film manages to make sex, romance, mental illness, war and death trivial even the deadliest terror attack in American history can be rendered inferior when compared to the romance of two extraordinarily self important beautiful people.

What is supposed to be dramatic and romantic is captured by director Lasse Hallstrom in his typically vacant, pretty postcard style. It's a style that is relatively well placed in a film about two pretty people being pretty and for those who watch with the sound off, the style may enhance the experience. This is not an option of course for most theatergoers who will have to endure dialogue so benign and simple you can hear the breeze emanating in the characters ears as they speak. Cheesy platitudes meet at the intersection exposition and bland pop music scoring to create a mind numbing throb of vapidity. 

An ode to the ab workout, Dear John succeeds in providing fantasy material for those inclined toward Channing Tatum's rippling-ness. Otherwise, the film is one massive bore that manages to trivialize war, sex, autism and yes even 9/11. It's really rather remarkable that a film could be so offensive in such a forgettable fashion. Dear John is so dull that I can hardly muster the bile to be offended by it.

Movie Review She's the Man

She's The Man (2006) 

Directed by Andy Fickman

Written by Karen McCulloch-Lutz, Kirsten Smith

Starring Amanda Bynes, Channing Tatum, David Cross, Vinnie Jones, Emily Perkins 

Release Date March 17th, 2006

Published March 18th, 2006

Nickelodeon star Amanda Bynes has graduated to the big screen with surprising ease. Her debut feature What A Girl Wants did not exactly set the world on fire but it was an excellent showcase for Amanda Bynes' I Love Lucy meets Sandra Bullock style. Now with her latest flick, She's The Man, Amanda Bynes takes a shot at low grade Shakespeare with a high school take on 12th Night that, like What A Girl Wants, shows Bynes in the best light of her talents, combining goofy charm and physical comedy.

In She's The Man Amanda Bynes stars as Viola who is looking forward to college on a soccer scholarship until her plans are derailed when her school cancels the girls soccer program and refuses to let her try out for the boys team. With her future on the line Viola hatches the kind of wacky scheme that only takes place in the movies.

Viola's brother Sebastian (James Kirk) is a rocker who has decided to run to Europe for a summer tour with his rock band leaving his twin sister behind to cover for him. His disappearance gives Viola the opportunity for a crazy scheme.  Viola decides that she will impersonate  Sebastian at his fancy private school and attempt to make the soccer team. Once established on the team she can reveal her true self and claim her scholarship.

Naturally, complications ensue from the first moment Viola appears on campus. Most problematic for Viola is her new roommate Duke (Channing Tatum), a real hunk who she takes an immediate liking to. Unfortunately, as a guy she cannot pursue him and meanwhile, Duke has developed a crush on Olivia (Laura Ramsey) and enlists his new roommates help in trying to get her attention. This backfires when Olivia takes a shine to Sebastian/Viola.

The story is from Shakespeare's 12th Night but the comedy is straight slapstick. Bynes and company take a beating, falling down, kicking and running into one another. That this physicality is at times quite funny is because Bynes is a skilled physical comedian. She is also quite charming and though we never for a moment buy Viola as Sebastian we enjoy watching Bynes give the role all that she's got.

If the supporting cast shared Bynes' energy, She's The Man really could have been much funnier than it is. Sadly co-stars Channing Tatum and Laura Ramsey lack Bynes talent and charisma and are really just good looking models standing in for real actors. Tatum has his moments of real likability but he never gets beyond his meathead exterior. Ramsey for her part delivers a good hearted effort but seems terribly uncomfortable with the film's physical humor.

What makes She's The Man worth recommending, to less than discerning audiences, is Amanda Bynes whose wide eyed beauty and physical comedy are a winning combination. Bynes is no great dramatist but she has real comic chops and oodles of charisma and that makes up for a lot of the problems of this outlandish take on Shakespeare.

The other reason to see She's The Man is comic David Cross who makes a surprise appearance as the clueless principle of the private school. Cross shines in his gut, twistingly creepy attempts to bond with Sebastian/Viola and even weirder when he attempts to expose the fraud in his midst. Cross is just naturally funny and while teen comedy is not his usual milieu he gives it the old college try and picks up a nice paycheck along the way.

She's The Man is not a movie you are going to remember long after watching it but while it's on it is a charming, inoffensive little teen comedy that showcases the rising talents of young Amanda Bynes. This kid has a bright future ahead of her. She doesn't have the acting chops of Lindsey Lohan or the model good looks of Hillary Duff, rather Amanda Bynes succeeds on tomboy charm and the willingness to take the fall for a laugh. That kind of moxie goes a long way.

Movie Review: Coach Carter

Coach Carter (2005) 

Directed by Thomas Carter

Written by Mark Schwan, John Gatins

Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Channing Tatum, Rob Brown 

Release Date January 14th, 2005 

Published January 13th, 2005 

In 1999, Richmond High School's basketball coach, Ken Carter, made national headlines by doing something unheard of from an inner-city school. Locking up his gym and cancelling games, Coach Carter required his student athletes to actually be students. I can recall remarking at the time that there was no doubt this story would become a movie and, five years later, that movie has arrived.

Watered down to the mainstream, easy-listening pace of a Hollywood feature, Coach Carter gains resonance and drama thanks to its casting of the amazing Samuel L. Jackson.

When Ken Carter returned to his alma mater, Richmond High School, in the ghettos of Richmond, California, he found a run-down, raggedy basketball team with the discipline of a street gang. Coming out of a 4 and 20 season, the teams' prospects looked no brighter for the new season. That will change under Coach Carter's leadership. With his imposing presence, booming voice, and willingness to allow the teams' best players to quit if they won't follow orders, Coach Carter knows how to take control.

Carter's first act as head coach is to make the players sign an agreement that requires a grade point average higher than the high school standard. The players are also required to wear ties on game day and sit in the front of the classrom. That is not the least of his demands. On the court, Coach Carter runs his team through the floor, teaching them the fundamentals that most of the players had never learned.

With such a large cast, the players don't resonate much as characters. Most simply fit character types that seem diverse when taken as a whole. There is the clown (Antwon Tanner), the white kid (Channing Tatum), and the coach's own son (Robert Ri'chard), who earns his place on the team by promising to work twice as hard. There is also the troubled kid (Rick Gonzalez), whose involvement with drugs and gangs serves as the example of what the kids are striving to avoid.

The one player in Coach Carter who makes an impact is played by Rob Brown, the impressive young actor from 2000's Finding Forrester, whose natural talent is to seem as if he is not acting at all. Brown is truly awesome; his presence dominates even when his character is silent. Brown is involved in the films' most controversial subplot, a high school pregnancy with pop-star Ashanti, who makes an impressive film debut. The subplot is controversial for its results and its unique treatment, but I felt responsibly portrayed and especially well-acted by these two superior young actors.

Coach Carter was directed by television veteran Thomas Carter, no relation to the Coach, who distinguishes this cliched sports-movie premise, uplifting after-school-special kind of stuff, by casting the brilliant Samuel L. Jackson. The casting of someone with Jackson's star power and presence sells the uplifting and potentially sappy elements of the plot.

Jackson is aided greatly by a surprisingly good script by John Gatins and Mark Schwahn, though they were likely assisted by the on-set involvement of the real Coach Ken Carter, whose "No B.S." approach I'm sure was a guiding influence. What makes this story so much more interesting and intelligent than most movies of its genre is the serious way it treats its academic storyline. Yes, the basketball scenes are well shot, but the impressive part is the seriousness of its true subject, the importance of an education.\

Unlike the cowardly Friday Night Lights, a movie that shunned the frightening sociology behind its football story, Coach Carter takes its sociological underpinnings head on. The film tackles, at times indirectly, the psychological, economical and social pressures that cause young black men to lose hope and give in to the lures of easy money by selling drugs.

Coach Carter's one-man-against-the-world approach does at times appear comical. It takes a little while for us to understand why the community rises up against the coach, who's simply trying to make sure their children get educated. Eventually, you do understand, which deepens the sadness and drama that help the film earn its uplifting sports-movie ending.

Coach Carter is not perfect--it has the mainstream, feel-good tone that is the hallmark of both MTV Films and Producers Brian Robbins and Michael Tollin. But, the film also has Samuel L. Jackson, who after drifting through a series of dreadful roles in films like Twisted, Formula 51 and No Good Deed, is back in "badass" form. It is Jackson's performance that makes the feel-good approach not feel either false or sappy. His presence, his dramatic weight and, best of all, that booming 'basso profundo' sell this piece as more than just another sports movie.

Movie Review: Foxcatcher

Foxcatcher (2014) 

Directed by Bennett Miller 

Written by E. Max Frye, Mark Futterman 

Starring Steve Carell, Channing Tatum, Mark Ruffalo

Release Date November 14th, 2014 

Published November 12th, 2014 

Single-minded to the point of obsession and with a documentary dedication to real-life stories and themes about the corrupting influence of money, director Bennett Miller uses his films as a prism to look at the world. From Capote to Moneyball and now in Foxcatcher, Miller's dedication to exposing hypocrisy and greed while reveling in fascinating real life stories has turned out three consecutive masterpieces. 

“Foxcatcher” tells the terrifying true tale of the events that led to the death of American Olympic wrestler David Schultz (Mark Ruffalo). Although Schultz is really only a supporting player as the story plays out, his death and the eerie signals of tragedy float over every aspect of the film. Much of what we see centers on Schultz’s brother, and fellow Olympic Gold Medalist Mark Schultz (Channing Tatum), who fell under the spell of his brother’s murderer John Du Pont (Steve Carell) just as he was training for the Olympic games in 1988. 

The relationship between Du Pont and Mark is not unlike that of Truman Capote and the killer Perry Jones in “Capote.” Capote takes advantage of Perry’s lack of intelligence to get what he wants, but his obsession with what he wants ends up consuming him. The same goes for Du Pont as he sees Mark as a pathway to being considered a great leader of men, the coach of the next great Olympian. Capote, of course, doesn’t become the villain in the way Du Pont eventually does, but their single-mindedness is similar as is their quirkiness and the outsider qualities with which both men wrestled their entire lives. 

Billy Beane, too, had outsider qualities that likely appealed to Miller. Beane was a standout ballplayer in high school who was seen as a “can’t miss” prospect. And then he missed. Beane then found his niche as a talent scout. With a single-minded purpose and the use of Jonah Hill’s Peter Brand, Beane began a quest for greatness with his often tactless reflex of powers. Beane is portrayed in Moneyball as a mercenary negotiator who stayed clear of his players so he could continue to remain a mercenary when deciding their fate. 

All three stories share single-minded determination and purpose that leads to either grand tragedy or grand triumph --- or, in the case of “Capote,” a mixture of both in equal measure. The style of all the stories is reminiscent of a documentary, because the most compelling scenes often depict two people in a room in a sort of talking head conversation that recounts the details of their lives in illuminating fashion. The tactic is most obvious in “Capote,” in which the legendary writer is essentially a documentarian with words instead of a camera. 

Some of the best scenes in “Moneyball” are between Pitt and Hill while reviewing their philosophies, with Pitt’s Billy Beane coaxing Hill’s Brand into revealing the cold-hearted numbers behind his baseball philosophy. Numerous scenes throughout “Moneyball” play out with people in chairs being interviewed about their intentions. Beane talks to the management team of the Cleveland Indians, trying to make a trade and being grilled about his unusual approach to choosing players. In one scene, Beane is interviewed by his team’s owner in a comfortable leather chair. Then Billy interviews Peter Brand about what would come to be called “Moneyball.” This approach continues until the film ends with Beane in an interview for the Boston Red Sox general manager position. 

In “Foxcatcher,” the relationship between Mark Schultz and John Du Pont essentially begins with an interview. Du Pont requests that Mark come to his home in Pennsylvania for a conversation. They end up in Du Pont’s trophy room, where Du Pont asks Mark about his family, his workouts and his goals. It’s a revealing scene for both characters, but we get our best sense of Mark as someone who is easily impressed, a quality that is his eventual undoing as Du Pont proves to be spectacularly unimpressive aside from his incredible wealth. 

The corruption of money plays a key role in a devastating scene in “Capote.” The most compelling scene depicts Clifton Collins Jr. as the infamous killer Perry Smith, who reveals that he and his partner killed the Clutter family because the criminals believed the family home had $10,000 inside their Kansas home. In the end, Smith and his partner walked away with $40. The senselessness of the cold-hearted slaying is heart-wrenching.  

Money is in the very title of “Moneyball,” which includes incisive commentary on how finances have corrupted Major League baseball. For a time it seemed that buying players was enough to purchase glorious championships -- the purity of simply playing the game and winning was being overshadowed by contracts and press releases. “Moneyball” is ironically shown as an impure way of choosing ballplayers, but it actually celebrates playing the game in the most fundamental way. “Moneyball” undermines the big-money teams by simply beating them in an actual game, and not in a boardroom with a contract. 

Finally, in “Foxcatcher,” money is the poison that flows through the life of John Du Pont. Money isolated him from reality. The disconnect between Du Pont's fantasy of himself and his sad reality was directly related to his unending wealth. Money, too, was David Schultz’s downfall. Although Schultz surely was not a greedy man his desire for a comfortable, steady job working for Du Pont caused him to overlook a number of warning signs about the millionaire eccentric. These red flags sent even his less-than-astute brother Mark fleeing the Foxcatcher estate. 

Single-minded purpose has driven greatness and tragedy since the beginning of time. Money came along later to provide further incentive and invite madness. Miller captures this reality in pseudo-documentary form. He shows his viewers that single-mindedness and money can combine for greatness or for tragedy or both. 

Movie Review G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra

G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra 

Directed by Stephen Sommers 

Written by Stuart Beattie, David Elliott, Paul Lovett 

Starring Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Dennis Quaid, Ray Park, Joseph Gordon Levitt 

Release Date August 7th, 2009 

Published August 6th, 2009 

It is very, very, bad form to reference the great French auteur Jean Luc Godard in a review of something as ludicrous as G.I the movie but, the great director's quote that the best way to criticize a movie is to make another movie an apt and ironic way to discuss Paramount Pictures persnickety reaction to bad reviews of their other toy based movie Transformer Revenge of the Fallen (Again many apologies for dragging you into this Monsieur Godard). 

G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra acts as a near perfect commentary on the Transformers sequel. The parallels are almost endless. You have properties based on toy lines. You have stunningly awful dialogue shouted by utterly moronic characters and stories so incomprehensible that they leave almost no logical basis whatsoever for their very existence. Oh, and don't forget the girls in the super tight clothes. The only difference between these movies is that G.I Joe knows it's ridiculous and runs with it while Michael Bay thinks he's making Lawrence of Arabia with giant talking robots. 

Stephen Summers, the good natured hack behind The Mummy, keeps things light and goofy and allows a good time to be had by all and not just those most forgiving. The plot of G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra is of absolutely no consequence. Ok, fine, here's a capsule: G.I Joe is a secret NATO organization with elite soldiers from around the world who keep bad guys at bay. The latest bad guy to step out of line is an arms dealer named McCullen (Christopher McCullen) who is grinding a 400 year old ax over the way his arms dealing fore-fathers were treated. 

McCullen has developed a weapon that is sentient and can eat all metal structures. The unwanted logical question is: Why, if he built the weapon does he then hire thugs to steal the weapon? We never knew the weapon was stolen or taken from him so it is weird to see him send people to steal it. Who knows why but McCullen indeed does hire The Baroness (Sienna Miller, every nerd's dream in librarian glasses and tight black leather) and Storm Shadow (Byung Hun Lee) a ninja.  I mention that Storm Shadow is a ninja because, like all fanboys, just the word 'Ninja' makes me giddy. 

The attempt to steal the weapon draws the ire of G.I Joe and all out war ensues in both the Joe's buried in the desert bunker and the arms dealer's underwater fortress beneath the ice caps of the north pole. I imagine director Summers and Screenwriter Stuart Beattie laughing like school children as they chose these locations, I certainly did when each was revealed. There is a definite kitsch at work here but not so much that G.I Joe becomes all out camp. It's a little too aware of its own out-there-ness to allow for camp. 

Ah, but kitsch without a doubt, this is kitsch. Just check the buck wild goofy cameo by Mummy star Brendan Fraser who appears for one scene and seems more like a reject from a Rushmore production of Apocalypse Now than the star of G.I Joe sequels to come. Fraser is the only actor truly aware of the goofiness. The rest of the cast mixes dedicated professionalism with a healthy amount of incredulity. 

That is except poor Channing Tatum whose deathly seriousness as the newest Joe, Duke, becomes the film's biggest unintentional joke. Tatum is a handsome kid but his mumbled lines and wooden face turn even his attempts at humor into the most forceful of kitsch. Tatum has a following among young girls who have only recently discovered how to properly apply the new school slang 'hottie'. New school, in that it has only been a part of our low culture for maybe a decade. 

The rest of the cast of G.I Joe seems about as in on the joke as director Sommers. The key is, their awareness never becomes irritating in that winking fashion, again save for Fraser. Dennis Quaid is among many who, I am sure, stifled giggles over his dialogue that is almost entirely exposition. Rachel Blanchard is quite the trooper selling an attraction to the mugging comic relief that is Marlon Wayans. She, naturally, has a 'catfight' with the Baroness that is pure cheesecake but also brief. Sienna Miller has the most backstory of any character and plays it to good effect, as good as can be expected of such a limited and witless script. 

And then there is Ray Park as Snake Eyes. This is the character most fanboys were waiting for and we are not disappointed. Park is already a fanboy legend as the gone too soon Darth Maul in Phantom Menace (There is a stunningly large amount of fan fiction solely dedicated to Darth Maul murdering Jar Jar Binks, not related to this review really but interesting). Snake Eyes is the brother of Storm Shadow and they battle with swords, guns, fists and feet in well choreographed battles that culminate in unexpected fashion. Ray Park has more range behind Snakeyes's leather mask than co-star Channing Tatum has shown in several movies. 

G.I Joe: The Rise of Cobra shames Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen not just in its better attitude and knowingness but also in special effects, editing and sound design, the alleged specialties of Mr. Michael Bay. The effects in G.I Joe work because of the clarity and uncluttered direction of Steven Sommers who managed this same economical trick in realizing The Mummy. Where Transformers 2 is a mess of robot carcasses battering one another at an ear splitting volume, G.I Joe is fleet and nimble, keeping the ludicrous action in focus where we can actually make out who is doing what to whom. 

G.I Joe The Rise of Cobra alsi unfolds quicker and lingers on noise far less than Transformers 2. Indeed, as Godard said, if you want to criticize a movie, make another movie. G.I is the other to Transformers 2 and Stephen Summers shows Michael Bay almost every mistake he made and then proceeds to make most of them again, only with a little more style and a whole lot more fun.