Movie Review My Bloody Valentine 3D

My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009) 

Directed Patrick Lussier 

Written by Todd Farmer 

Starring Jensen Ackles, Jamie King, Kerr Smith, Edi Gathegi, Tom Atkins 

Release Date January 16th, 2009 

Published January 15th, 2009 

I love when a movie surprises me. It is one of my favorite experiences. As much as I try to keep an open mind and not prejudge a movie, it happens sometimes that I dread seeing something. It most often happens with horror movies (Thanks Eli Roth). Rarely are my expectations exceeded. So, when they are, it's invigorating and exciting. My Bloody Valentine 3D surprised me. I did not expect to have such a good time with this remake of an obscure 1981 horror footnote.

My Bloody Valentine 3D sets up a Jason/Freddy style murderer named Harry Warden. 10 years ago he killed a bunch of his coal miner coal workers before being nearly killed himself when the mine exploded. A year after the accident, Warden awoke from a coma and set about on 14 murders before being hunted down by cops at the mine and killed.

10 years later, teenagers who survived the attack are now in positions of power in the city. Axel (Kerr Smith) who managed to rescue two friends from Harry Warden, is now the town sheriff. Tom Hanninger (Jensen Ackles) has now taken over ownership of the mines from his late father and has just returned to town to sell the mines.

The woman both Axel and Tom love, Sarah (Jaime King) is now married to Axel but she still thinks often of Tom who she was in love with the night Harry Warden went nuts and Tom disappeared. Now, ten years later, new murders have sparked fear that Harry Warden may have returned.

My Bloody Valentine 3D. has many of the typical cliches of the average horror movie. Most egregious is an awful, manipulative score that spikes when it's supposed to and is completely over the top with the expected orchestral shrieks and dives.

The characters make many of the typical horror movie character mistakes from running the wrong direction to not taking care when checking out strange noises to continuing to underestimate the villain even after he has demonstrated unending malice. The killer too does everything expected, not the least of which is over-complicating his plot to the most unnecessary degrees.

All of those gripes aside, I did have fun watching this movie. Director Patrick Lussier offers an oddly shaped narrative early on that shows the killer to be less than supernatural. He faints and weaves his way through the second half of the movie and despite the cliches, does manage to build some solid suspense and mystery.

Most importantly, for me, Lussier doesn't go weak in the knees when it comes to the R-rated stuff. Lussier smartly goes all in on the classic horror movie gore, overstated to the point where the audience can have distance from the human elements but understated enough to make you watch through your fingers as you squirm in your seat.

That's a balance that has eluded most horror movie makers. The Eli Roth's of the world certainly aren't squeamish but the way he and Rob Zombie seem to enjoy their violence makes it off putting. Then there are the Asian invasion PG-13 horror movies who trade gore for atmosphere and more often than not bore audiences to death instead of scaring them to death.

Lussier finds the balance between reveling in the violence and drawing clear moral lines between victims and killer.

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about the gimmick of 3D. It is just a gimmick and nothing more. There isn't much that an audience will get out of the 3D My Bloody Valentine that they would not have gotten out of the 2D presentation. I like the digital picture clarity and Lussier's crisp shooting style lends itself well to the presentation, he smartly avoids the typical overly dark settings for more modestly lit scenes that allow audiences a better chance to keep track of the action.

In the end, My Bloody Valentine 3D cheats a little for drama and suspense but it works because Patrick Lussier makes good use of the horror movie formula. He isn't reinventing the wheel, he's just putting it to better use than most other genre directors. We can hardly ask him for much more than that.

My Bloody Valentine is a real surprise, a pretty good formula horror movie.

Movie Review: Bulletproof Monk

Bulletproof Monk (2003) 

Directed by Paul Hunter 

Written by Ethan Reiff, Cyrus Voris 

Starring Chow Yun Fat, Seann William Scott, Jamie King, Karel Roden 

Release Date April 16th, 2003 

Published April 15th, 2003 

The question has been asked since Chow Yun Fat made his American leading man debut in Replacement Killers: Can the Orient's top gunslinging action star translate his popularity to American audiences? With the $100 million dollar success of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, you might think the question has been answered. But in reality it hasn't. Crouching Tiger was a departure for Chow Yun Fat, a familiar Asian face that made Crouching Tiger's mystical nature more palatable to American audiences who normally shun movies with subtitles. The real test for Chow Yun Fat's star power comes with his return to action leading man in Bulletproof Monk.

In Monk, Chow Yun Fat is the nameless protector of ancient scroll that if read aloud would give ultimate power to the reader to remake the world for good or evil. In 1943 our nameless hero gave up his name to become the protector of the scroll. He is immediately attacked by Nazi soldiers whose leader, Strucker (Karl Roden), is familiar with the scrolls. After fighting off the Nazis and making a daring jump off a tall mountain, it's off on a 60-year journey to protect humanity.

There is, of course, a catch to being the protector of the scroll. After 60 years you must turn the scroll over to a new protector. So now in New York 60 years later, the man with no name must seek out the scroll’s new protector while dodging the Nazis who have been tracking him the whole time. While running through the New York subway system attempting to evade Nazi captors, our hero meets a young pickpocket named Kar (Sean William Scott) who helps him save a little girl who has fallen on the subway tracks. 

Kar happened to be running from the police at the time. The two escape into the subway tunnels before either one can be captured. Our hero is impressed with Kar's selflessness in helping him, while Kar simply finds our hero to be strange and takes the opportunity to lift what he thinks is his wallet before leaving him in the tunnel.

Of course our hero is no dummy, he tracks Kar to a subway tunnel where Kar has accidentally wandered into the lair of a criminal gang lead by a man called Mr. Funktastic. No I didn't make that up though I wish I had. A fight ensues as our hero simply watches as Kar fights the gang including a girl named Jade (Jaime King) who is oddly attracted to him. Kar holds his own and escapes when Jade convinces the gang to let him go. What Kar doesn't yet know is that the fight holds special significance to our nameless hero who is convinced it's part of a prophecy and that Kar may be his replacement.

This sets up the film’s formula action, which is somewhat predictable. However what isn't predictable is the effective chemistry of Chow and Scott and the goofy energy that both bring to their cheesy dialogue. Thankfully, dialogue is kept to a minimum. Bulletproof Monk director Paul Hunter shows a strong control over what he's doing in his first feature, keeping the action pace up and playing to the film’s strength.

The action isn't anything you haven't seen before, there is plenty of Matrix style effects. What makes the action in Bulletproof Monk work is the energy and liveliness the stars bring to it. As they go through the obligatory teacher-student training session, both stars use their charisma and energy to make a very typical scene fun.

Chow Yun Fat has been accused of sleepwalking through his first few American films and he's not exactly ebullient here. Still, there is a little glint in his eye and a sly smile that he employs to great effect. He looks like he's having a lot of fun, especially in scene where he spars with Scott while eating a bowl of Cocoa Puffs. You can see he's very pleased with himself throughout the scene and it's really very funny.

The film has its troubles, such as the lame villains who are something from an 80's action movie. Former model Jaime King needs a little more work, as it is she seems to have a future in roles like this but not much more. The real disappointment comes from the character Mr. Funktastic, who is greatly underused. Why introduce a character with such a memorable moniker and then not use him?

I was really surprised how much I laughed during this film and very surprised that most of the laughs were intentional. By that I mean that's what the film was going for. So many modern action films are out of touch with the ridiculousness of their plots, but Bulletproof Monk knows it's goofy and plays to it.

Movie Review Slackers

Slackers (2002) 

Directed by Dewey Nicks

Written by David H Steinberg

Starring Jason Schwartzman, Devon Sawa, Jason Segal, Laura Prepon, Jamie King 

Release Date February 1st, 2002 

Published February 2nd, 2002 

Oh wow, another movie set on a college campus we haven't seen one of those in what... two or three weeks? To be fair Orange County wasn't entirely set on a college campus but I think you get my point about this being much tread upon ground.

Slackers, not to be confused with the Richard Linklater classic Slacker, stars Devon Sawa as Dave who with the help of his friends, played by Michael C. Maronna and Jason Segel, is the biggest scammer on campus. Despite the title, Dave and his friends actually work pretty hard on their scams to steal test papers and cheat on exams. They work so hard on them in fact it made me wonder if the title was an idea from the movie marketing department and not the writers director or producer.

I had a lot of time to ponder things like the title, the amount of salt on my popcorn and the calories in my Pepsi because I didn't spend any time laughing at this early worst of the year candidate.

Poor Jason Schwartzman, when last we saw him he was in the brilliant film Rushmore. In Slackers he portrays the most unlikable movie character since the babies of Baby Geniuses. Schwartzman spends the entire movie being the creepy stalker of Angela played by Model James King, collecting her hair and forming it into a doll and building a creepy shrine in his dorm room. Why anyone thought any of this was funny I have no idea. Don't get me wrong, I think anything can be funny if done right but if done wrong as it is in Slackers, it's just painful and hard to watch.

The saddest thing about Slackers though is its star Devon Sawa who I really like as an actor. He was fantastic in Final Destination and even in the God-awful Idle Hands. Sawa is charismatic and funny with a great deal of potential as a comedic leading man. Let's hope he can avoid movies like Slackers in the future.