Showing posts with label Justin Long. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Justin Long. Show all posts

Movie Review It's A Wonderful Knife

It's a Wonderful Knife (2023) 

Directed by Tyler McIntyre 

Written by Michael Kennedy

Starring Jane Widdop, Jess McLeod, Joel McHale, Justin Long, Katherine Isabelle 

Release Date November 10th, 2023 

Published December 5th, 2023 

Do you ever see a movie character, most often a side character, whom you adopt as your own? This happened to me as I watched the new holiday horror movie, It's A Wonderful Knife. The introduction of the character Bernie, played by Jess McLeod, won me over immediately. The adorable, shy, sad, outcast that McLeod plays is called Weirdo by everyone she meets but her actual name is Bernie and she's wonderful. My mantras became, as It's a Wonderful Knife played out, became "Protect Bernie at All Cost" and "If Bernie Dies, the Movie is Over." McLeod is just that good at being lovely, sweet, and sympathetic. My heart rose and fell with Bernie. 

That's not to take anything away from the star of It's a Wonderful Knife, Jane Widdop's Winnie, she's also terrific. It's just that I identified far more with Bernie's struggle than anyone else's. Outcasts stick together. Once you have seen It's a Wonderful Knife you can begin to understand why my adopting Bernie as my favorite character made the movie a rollercoaster of jump scares and cathartic surprises as Bernie's role grows in the 3rd act in the most unexpected and wonderful ways. Ways that actually use her as a way to honor the beloved holiday classic that lends its premise to this holiday horror flick. 

It's a Wonderful Knife stars Jane Widdop as Winnie, a teenager from a happy family with a great brother, Jimmy (Aiden Howard) and two loving parents, David (Joel McHale) and Judy (Erin Boyes). It's Christmas Eve and the family is supposed to be together but David is called to go to work. His boss, Henry Waters (Justin Long), is the richest man in town and feels no guilt about separating David from his family on Christmas, especially when a shady deal needs to get done. Henry needs to demolish one historic home to get his massive mall project up and running and he needs David to help lean on the elderly homeowner, something David doesn't want to do. 

That same night, Winnie decides to attend a party with her boyfriend Pete and her best friend, Cara (Hana Huggins). It's a fateful choice as a serial murderer is suddenly on the loose. He's dressed all in white and he's murdered the old man whose house was coveted by Henry Waters. The killer then tagets Cara who happens to be the granddaughter of the old man. Cara was to inherit the house that Waters wants and so she ends up brutally stabbed to death along with her boyfriend. Winnie's brother, Jimmy is nearly killed after confronting the killer and keeping him from killing Winnie. Jimmy survives because Winnie uses jumper cables to murder the serial killer. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review: Alvin and the Chipmunks

Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007) 

Directed by Tim Hill 

Written by Jon Vitti, Will McRobb, Chris Vicardi 

Starring Jason Lee, David Cross, Cameron Richardson, Justin Long 

Release Date December 14th, 2007

Published December 14th, 2007

There are times when the disdain Hollywood has for the common man cannot be denied. In the case of the new CGI-live action collision Alvin and the Chipmunks the obvious disdain rages from star David Cross' condescending performance to the music that the makers of Alvin and the Chipmunks assumes Americans would absolutely love, quality be damned.

On the outskirts of Los Angeles three Chipmunks are filling their tree for the winter when suddenly the tree is coming down. Thrown on to the back of a truck, the Chipmunks now former home is on it's way to the lobby of a record company as a Christmas decoration. Scanning their new digs, Alvin (Justin Long), Simon (Matthew Gray Gubler) and Theodore (Jesse McCartney) find their isn't much of a food supply.

Jumping out of the tree their timing could not be more fortuitous. Leaving the record company, with a giant basket of muffins is Dave Seville (Jason Lee). Dave has just failed his latest attempt to sell one of his rather depressing tunes. His former friend Ian (David Cross), now a big time record producer, has just told him to give up his dreams because neither Britney, Christina or Justin will ever sing one of his songs.

Unknown to Dave, the Chipmunks have stowed away in his stolen muffin basket and are coming home with some big surprises. Not only can they talk, these chipmunks can sing and dance too. Soon Dave is writing them a hit Christmas song and they are so impressing Ian that they have a record deal and a hit record in less than a week.

From there the film becomes a parody on the rigors of the music industry and a typical kids movie about the creation of an unlikely family. Neither of these two competing plots is very interesting. Directed  by Tim Hill, the auteur behind the Garfield sequel A Tale of Two Kitties, Alvin and the Chipmunks rolls off of the kids movie assembly line with all of the typical family movie parts in place.

Bathroom humor, family values and a whole lot of slapstick make for just another upbeat and forgettable piece of kids movie flotsam.

Where Alvin and the Chipmunks is slightly more insulting than the average kids movie is in the films attempts at music industry satire. In these scenes Alvin and the Chipmunks fly up the charts with hip hop infused takes on the 50's and 60's novelty records that propelled them into our pop culture more than 40 years ago.

The Chipmunks Christmas song and Witch Doctor are innocuous enough and such a part of the Chipmunks pop culture cache that their inclusion and update are passable. It's later when the chipmunks begin singing awful hip hop originals that things become insulting. As the chipmunks, Dave and David Cross' slimy record producer Ian each readily admint, these songs suck. Yet each is portrayed in the film as flying up the charts, selling millions of copies and selling sold out tours.

I've never been one to credit our culture for having taste but these songs are so execrable that even a less than discerning public would easily reject them. Nevertheless, the film persists that even though the chipmunks themselves dislike the music the sheep like masses eat it up without question.

The most curious and often insulting thing in Alvin and the Chipmunks is the performance of comedian David Cross. One of the funniest stand up comics working today, Cross is bizarre and even grotesque in his role as a slimy record producer working the chipmunks to exhaustion. His performance begins as a satire of douchebag faux cool. However, as he transforms into the film's lead bad guy the performance becomes more one note and insulting.

Is my taking offense at this little kids movie misplaced? Maybe, but that is my true feeling. If the movie has no respect for its audience, why should I have respect for the movie. Is Alvin and the Chipmunks otherwise inoffensive? Yes, and it's even technically impressive in the way it integrates the CGI Chipmunks with the real world. That doesn't change the fact that the film is disrespectful to it's audience.

Movie Review Live Free or Die Hard

Live Free or Die Hard (2007) 

Directed by Len Wiseman

Written by Mark Bomback

Starring Bruce Willis, Justin Long, Timothy Olyphant, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Maggie Q, Kevin Smith

Release Date June 27th, 2007

Published June 26th, 2007 

It's official, the Die Hard series has jumped the shark, to appropriate a TV term. Or maybe it's a literal term, there may have been an actual shark jumped in Live Free Or Die Hard. Lord knows director Len Wiseman has every other type of mayhem imaginable crammed into this over the top Tom and Jerry meets Wile E. Coyote concoction of cartoon action hero histrionics.

And yet, how cool is Bruce Willis that no matter how brainless the action, he never fails to entertain.

If there is one character in our cultural stew who can relate to 24's Jack Bauer; it's John McClane. This New York City cop has seen dangerous situations that only Kiefer Sutherland's CTU agent could relate to. In his latest entanglement, detective McClane finds himself smack dab in the middle of a cyber terrorism attack by a group formed inside our own government.

Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant) was once the go to guy in Washington when it came to cyber terrorism. However, when the government refused to listen to all of his warnings, he went rogue and decided to demostrate the possibilities of a cyber terror attack on America's infrastructure, and if he can get paid big bucks along the way, so be it.

Employing some of the greatest hackers in the country to help him carry off his attack, Gabriel sets in motion a plan that eventually leads to detective McClane getting stuck with a young hacker named Matthew Farrell (Justin Long) who unwittingly contributed some important info to the bad guys. McClane is tasked with getting the kid to Homeland Security in Washington but along the way the bad guys try to kill him. Let's just say, John McClane does not take kindly to being targeted for death.

Bruce Willis has an endless supply of cool and charisma that he can tap with a curl of his lip and a snarling curse word and he makes a good solid living off those characteristics in Live Free Or Die Hard. The rare working parts of this otherwise execrable piece of action trash is Willis' charm and his comic chemistry with the talented comic Long.

Live Free Or Die Hard plays like Michael Bay by way of Ed Wood. Director Len Wiseman, he of the Underworld movies, you know those vampire flicks about Kate Beckinsale's butt in tight black spandex; those Underworld movies, Len Wiseman directs Live Free Or Die Hard with a callous disregard for the brains of his audience. And, by the way, there is yet another hot babe in tight spandex, martial arts master Maggie Q, for good measure.

Like the old Dave Thomas-John Candy characters on SCTV, Wiseman's only joy comes from watching stuff blow up, blow up good. Early on it's Willis shooting a fire extinguisher with the precision of a military marksman; leading to the kind of explosion only McGyver could recreate. Later the film abandons even a television level of reality as John McClane drives up an embankment in a tunnel and dives out as the car flies directly into a helicopter.

Later, John drives a semi-truck that is attacked and destroyed by rockets and bullets from a harrier jet. McClane survives, as does some portion of the driving part of the semi which drives up a crumbling portion of overpass, also destroyed by the jet. Eventually John must abandon the truck and when does, he ends up landing on top of the soon to crash jet and then out running the jet as a giant fireball.

It's all so ludicrous that indeed it does take on a camp quality that makes it all goofily entertaining.

Live Free or Die Hard is high camp. With mind numbing explosions and mind blowing mindlessness, the film surpasses some of the greats of the high action, low brain power genre. A most recent comparison, Mr. and Mrs Smith starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, a film that fired more bullets than your average war and featured more evil henchmen than a James Bond villain convention, is really the only film in the last decade that can match Live Free or Die Hard explosion for explosion.

Both films are equally entertaining and that is because of pure starpower. Bruce Willis is such a force of personality that no matter how ludicrous the film becomes we in the audience are still emotionally involved and even compelled because we love this guy and this character so much. Whether it's years of earned loyalty from four movies in the series or simply the force of Willis' charisma, there is no denying the awesome star wattage of Bruce Willis.

Even as the film is a sieve in the brain department, the screenplay by committee does manage a few good chuckles at the expense of other film franchises. References to Spiderman and Transformers are just a couple of the meta moments from this otherwise brain free movie. Other inside moments include numerous references to the original Diehard.

Final Destination star Mary Elizabeth Winstead appears in Live Free or Die Hard as Lucy McClane, John's now grown daughter. Her inclusion here is really only as plot addendum to be used to refer to the first film. Yes, she does become involved in the climax of the film but that really is the lesser part of her purpose here.

And the final joke of Live Free or Die Hard is the use of director Kevin Smith in the role of Warlock, a hacker who lives in his mom's basement. Smith is legendary online for his love of all things movies, including the Die Hard series. His inclusion is one of many nods to and knocks on the internet community that has been a Live Free or Die Hard constituency since the film was rumored years ago with Bruce starring alongside Britney Spears as Lucy McClane. Sadly, screenwriters couldn't find a meta way to work a Britney joke into the script.

Live Free or Die Hard would be unforgivably dimwitted if it were not for Bruce Willis whose star persona is so powerful you can almost forgive all of the deplorable excess of his latest film. The Diehard franchise has likely run its course and there is certainly no need nor want for more of the tortured life of John McClane. So, if Live Free or Die Hard is in fact the final installment, let us remember John McClane as the most charismatic of our action heroes, an everyman superhero in street clothes who goes above and beyond the call of duty and the bounds of logic for our entertainment.

Bless you John McClane, and here's to what we hope will be a long and fruitful retirement.

Movie Review: Accepted

Accepted (2006) 

Directed by Steve Pink 

Written by Adam Cooper, Bill Collage, Mark Perez 

Starring Justin Long, Blake Lively, Anthony Heald, Jonah Hill, Lewis Black, Columbus Short 

Release Date August 18th, 2006 

Published August 19th, 2006 

The college comedy is a genre all it's own. It has conventions and clichés and stock characters. The latest example of the genre, Accepted starring Justin Long, breaks no new ground in the college comedy genre. It's a slight, forgettable little comedy that has a more than a few redeeming qualities but not much to recommend it.

Justin Long stars in Accepted as Bartleby Gaines an underachieving slacker whose inattention to his schoolwork has left him without a college acceptance letter. Every school he applied to has rejected him. Even Ohio State! His safety school. With his parents breathing down his neck Bartleby launches one of those only in the movies kind of schemes, he starts his own college.

With the help of his computer nerd best friend Sherman (Jonah Hill), who got into the hometown school Harmon College, Bartleby founds the South Harmon Institute of Technology, if you don't get the joke of that name don't worry the film will explain it again and again and again. At first it's just a very convincing website and acceptance letter but when mom and dad insist on driving Bartleby to school he makes the drastic choice to use his tuition check to rent a building.

Bartleby is not alone in his rejection and acceptance of this wacky scheme. Joining Bartleby at South Harmon is his pal Hands (Columbus Short) who lost his football scholarship after an injury and Rory (Maria Thayer) a Ivy league wannabe who only applied to Yale and swore off other college's after being rejected. Pooling their collective tuitions they rent and renovate an old psychiatric hospital and manage to fool their parents into thinking South Harmon is for real.

Unfortunately they also convince a bunch of other rejects who show up at South Harmon expecting their freshman year. Can Bartleby and friends keep up the ruse of South Harmon or will they be headed to jail on fraud charges. If you don't know already then you probably haven't seen very many movies.

Predictability is not the biggest problem with Accepted. It's biggest problem is Director Steve Pink and writers Bill Collage and Adam Cooper who fail to put their own unique spin on the requirements of the college comedy genre. While director Pink does a good job of keeping up an energetic pace and his cast crafts some lovable characters, there is not one college comedy cliche that Accepted manages to avoid.

The bad guys are the crusty dean from the rival college played with extra crust by Anthony Heald. The dean is joined, in typical Animal House fashion, by a group of overprivileged white frat boys lead by Arian dreamboat Travis Van Winkle. No points for guessing that Travis's character, Hoyt Ambrose, has a hot but very sweet girlfriend who also has eyes for Bartleby. The lovely Blake Lively is Monica who you can bet won't be with Hoyt much longer than the plot deems necessary.

Wait, you won't believe it, there is a bigtime party in the movie too, that happens to be on the same night as major bash thrown by the evil frat guys. No points again for guessing that the bad guys are crashing our heroes party with vague threats and evil intent. These scenes have been repeated more times than I or you can count and there is nothing even remotely original about them in Accepted.

I have said in countless reviews of similar genre pictures that the key to genre filmmaking is not originality but rather taking the established conventions of genre and simply doing them better or at the very least slightly different than they have been done before. Accepted simply repeats the conventions with different actors. These are some very good actors but we've heard all of the jokes before.

The film becomes almost saccharine near the end when a full of himself Bartleby gives one of those rousing the troops speeches that becomes an earnest defense of his wacky scheme. This almost works because we like Justin Long as Bartleby but the speech is simply another of the many clichés that Accepted doesn't just repeat it relies upon.

Accepted has a secret weapon in comedian Lewis Black. Brought in as a burnout ex-educator to be South Harmon's Dean, Black brings his sardonic, downer persona to Accepted and gives the film it's one shot of originality. Doling out his opinions on the education system, taxes and bureaucracy, like he was delivering one of his brilliant stand up routines, Black teaches the kids of South Harmon more about the real world than anything they could learn at a real college even if it is delivered with severe cynicism.

Justin Long is an appealing young actor who has been turning heads in supporting roles since his breakout turn on TV's Ed. He came to mainstream attention as the youngest member of Vince Vaughn's Dodgeball team and turned in a radically different cameo as a gay art gallery employee in Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston's The Break Up earlier this summer.



Now, in his first starring role in a mainstream comedy, Long shows a great deal of charisma and charm but the role is to familiar to be as funny as it could be. There is simply nothing that Long can do to break the mold of the classic, fast talking, quick witted campus legend. It's the mold put in place by past college comedy leads like Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder or Jeremy Piven in the cult classic P.C.U. It's a template with it's roots in classic Bugs Bunny cartoons where our hero is always imperiled but also always one step ahead of that peril thanks to his quick wits.

Originality is not a prerequisite in a college comedy genre. There are some unavoidable conventions of the genre that filmmakers simply cannot avoid. What the better filmmakers do is try and twist those conventions with their own unique vision. Unfortunately director Steve Pink lacked the vision to bring any new twists to Accepted which wastes a terrifically likable cast on a retread of every cliché in the book.

Movie Review: Dodgeball A True Underdog Story

Dodgeball! A True Underdog Story 

Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber

Written by Rawson Marshall Thurber

Starring Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor, Justin Long, Stephen Root, Jason Bateman

Release Date June 18th, 2004

Published June17th, 2004 

USA Today has dubbed them The Frat Pack. Actors Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Owen and Luke Wilson and Will Ferrell. Each has a tendency to appear in each other’s movies either as co-stars or in cameos. They tend to work with the same directors and writers. Most importantly they have teamed to make some of the funniest movies of the past few years. In Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, it's Vaughn and Stiller teaming up and once again the Frat Pack's brand of scatological insanity is in full effect for one very funny movie.

Vaughn stars as Peter La Fleuer, the slacker owner of a rundown little gym called Average Joe's. Peter takes a rather laid back approach to running the gym, patrons come and go as they please and pay for their memberships whenever they feel like it. It's no surprise that Peter's management now finds the gym in debt for about 50 grand in unpaid bills.

According to the bank's investigator, Kate (Christine Taylor), if Peter can't raise the cash in 30 days the gym will be sold to White Goodman (Stiller) the Napoleon-esque owner of Globo-Gym. White wants to flatten Average Joe's and turn it into a parking lot. He also wants Kate, who wants nothing to with him. despite her better judgment she is interested in Peter and his collection of wacky gym rats.

While Peter seems perfectly comfortable with closing the gym, his regulars including high school cheerleader Justin (Justin Long), obscure sports loving Gordon (Stephen Root) and Steve the Pirate (Allen Tudyk) who honestly believes he is a pirate, want to fight to save it. Their only hope is a 50,000-dollar grand prize dodgeball tournament in Las Vegas. Win the tournament and save the gym.

Of course Dodgeball is not about it's wacky tournament but the comic touches surrounding it and the hysterically over the top characters pulling it all off. First-time director Rawson Marshall Thurber is raw but knows a funny gag when sees one. The script is kind of a combination of Baseketball and a straight sports movie. Surprisingly though, there is little of the grossout humor expected of this kind of movie. Somehow the film earned a PG - 13 rating and you never would have noticed.

Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn work terrifically together with Vaughn's slacker charm balancing Stiller's manic schtick. Some have compared this Stiller dunderhead to his character in Zoolander, similar low-IQ narcissism. However when you look further back into Stiller's career to his villainous turn in the kids movie Heavyweights, you see he has played this role before. Of course the same could be said of Vaughn who perfected this likable frat boy routine in Old School.

Regardless of the character recycling Dodgeball stands on it's own as one of the funniest movies of 2004. Right up their with another Stiller -Vaughn teaming, Starsky and Hutch. As long as the movies continue to be this funny, they can recycle as much as they want.

Movie Review: Waiting

Waiting... (2005) 

Directed by Rob McKittrick

Written by Rob McKittrick 

Starring Ryan Reynolds, Amy Faris, Justin Long Alanna Ubach, Dane Cook, Luis Guzman

Release Date October 7th, 2005 

Published October 6th, 2005

There is an art to low or crude humor that makes it work. The brother directing duos of the Weitzs (American Pie) and the Farrellys (There's Something About Mary, et al) have mastered the formula of lowering the level of humor to childish levels but still delivering very funny movies. The formula works only when the lovable natures of characters and the pathos they bring from the audience is equal to the level they degrade themselves to.

The new movie Waiting..., written and directed by first timer Rob McKittrick, goes to new lows to achieve its humor but without characters we love and feel for it's an exercise in both crudity and futility.  

Shenaniganz is one of those cloned chain restaurants that pervades the parking lots of mini-malls around the country. Inside, its staff are the kind of wage slave drones biding their time until they graduate college, get fired, or end up in prison. Justin Long stars as Dean, a 22 year old finally confronting his arrested development. While high school friends are graduating from University and getting high paying, real life, jobs, Dean is wrapping up a general arts degree at Community College and contemplating the chance of becoming assistant manager of the restaurant.

Ryan Reynolds plays Dean's best friend and roommate, Monty, who is defined by his raging libido and rapid fire wit, essentially Van Wilder kicked out of college. Monty's job on this day in the life of Shenaniganz is to be our narrator without actual narration. Monty is training Mitch (John Francis Daly) which gives him the opportunity to introduce the rest of the cast and set the stage for all of the seriously low humor to come. It's a clever gimmick that removes the need for a third person narration and sets the stage for the films main running gag 'the penis game'.

Waiting... features a huge cast of well known and recognizable characters that include veterans Luis Guzman, David Koechner and Chi McBride; newcomers Dane Cook, Andy Milonakis and Kaitlin Doubleday; a couple of "Hey where have I seen them before?" types in Robert Patrick Bennett and Alanna Ubach; and established stars Reynolds and Anna Faris, the only members of the cast to have toplined a feature before.

Waiting... suffers the typical pitfalls of such a large cast, the main one being the loss of continuity caused by trying to find time for each character. The main story seems to be Justin Long's Dean struggling to grow into an adult but he is too often shuffled offscreen for his storyline to take hold. The only consistency in Waiting... comes from its series of running gags about sex, genitalia and the classic urban legend of the food service industry: What are they putting in the food?

Waiting... revels in the juvenile humor that the Farrelly brothers made safe for the masses in Dumb and Dumber and that was furthered by the Weitz's in the original American Pie which brought low humor to a whole new mainstream blockbuster generation. Unfortunately for Waiting... it lacks the elements that elevates low humor from mere shock for shock's sake to transcendentally funny. Where the Farrellys humanize the craziness with pathos and the Weitz brothers humanize it with lovable characters, Waiting... simply has no time for either. You never feel for the characters in Waiting... because you simply don't get to know them well enough and some of them you don't want to know at all.

There is something to be said for the economy of characters.  American Pie, for example, focused on four main characters and worked to establish each before delivering the humorous humiliations. These characters were familiar, the actors made them lovable and pathos is borne of that. Waiting... is simply too crowded to establish its characters beyond stereotypes and placeholders and thus we could care less when they are hurt or triumph.

The women of Waiting... especially suffer from the lack of characterization. Each of the ladies fall into types: the girlfriend type, the best friend type, the bitch type and the less pervasive lesbian type.  None of the woman break the mold of their character.  Even Faris, who gets marginalized early on, is given only one scene, a verbal showdown with Reynolds where she shows the comic chops that made the Scary Movie series so funny.

Another big problem with Waiting... is its look. The film looks as if it was shot through a bad lens. The look of the film is grainy and distracting. There is very little visual imagination in Waiting... which is damning because of the colorful setting which lends itself to creative set design. The film never takes advantage of either the restaurant setting or the condo set of Monty and Dean's apartment which also contained strong possibilities.

The best films combine the creative and technical aspects of filmmaking. Waiting... is in the hole from the outset because little care is taken for the look of the film and the various other technical aspects of film craftsmanship, lighting, camera work and especially set design.

Do not under any circumstance see Waiting... before you go out to dinner. Waiting... does for the restaurant kitchen what Psycho did for the shower, what Jaws did for the ocean, and what Silkwood did for nuclear waste. Heed the films warning; never send it back. The scenes portrayed in the kitchen in Waiting... are not for the weak stomach. They are also only rarely funny. A perfect example of the film's hit and miss humor, the kitchen scenes are either riotously funny or a complete strikeout.

With all of the things wrong with Waiting... it's still often quite funny. Even the lowest of all of the running gags in the film has its moments and of course I'm talking about the penis game. Not wanting to be too detailed because the film goes into way too much detail itself, the penis game consists of finding sneaky ways of getting co-workers to look at your exposed genitalia. Points are assigned for the various different kinds of exposure and punishment is assigned for those who fall for it.

As outrageous as it seems I know guys who could do this. Listening to the game as it is explained and watching it unfold I feared for the fact that I could ever witness such a thing, because I actually could. Uggh! Still I cannot deny that I laughed a few times at the horrifying ways that director Rob McKittrick worked this running gag.

The unfortunate part of this gag, however, is the homophobia inherent in its conception. Part of the rules of the game, as part of the punishment, is calling the victim a fag and the punishment is punishment for falsely perceived homosexuality. Though I know that this is not meant to be harmful, it is undeniably homophobic and plays to the basest of stereotypes. Attempts to excuse homophobia by acknowleging it only serve to affirm it. Am I being too politically correct? Maybe, but the joke is so excessively homophobic that at some point it goes beyond good natured ribbing.

The cast is a group that could really make a very funny movie but not this movie. The film's charismatic lead actors Long, Reynolds and Faris required more screen time in order to pull the film into the mold of a real movie as opposed to the stop and start episodic piece that is this finished product. The producers of Waiting... simply could not resist the stunt casting of hot comic Dane Cook and MTV star Andy Milonakis. Neither one does a particularly poor job but taking time out for them pulls the focus of the film away from telling a coherent story. 

Even with all of deficiencies in Waiting... I see little standing in the way of this film becoming a cult classic. Among its target audience of frat boys and service industry drones the film was a hit from its trailer to its commercials. There are just enough laughs in Waiting... that the core fans are likely to be satisfied and will scoop the film up on DVD.

The setting is so ripe for this type of sendup that it was very difficult for this film to miss completely and it doesn't. It does miss though and where it misses is in creating characters we identify with and care for. Without those characters all you have are a group of talented funny actors creating a hit and miss gag reel of grossout jokes, not a funny movie.

Movie Review Jeepers Creepers 2

Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003) 

Directed by Victor Salva

Written by Victor Salva 

Starring Ray Wise, Justin Long, Nicki Aycox 

Release Date August 29th, 2003 

Published August 28th, 2003 

I can remember clearly not expecting much from the first Jeepers Creepers movie and being quite surprised by how much I enjoyed it. What was most surprising was the character development--most horror films don't have any. Justin Long and Gina Phillips playing brother and sister in the movie was refreshing and the two had a familiar, brother sister chemistry that I enjoyed. 

Jeepers Creepers developed two likable, believable lead characters for actors Justin Long and Gina Philips. What also worked was director Victor Salva's creative homage to Spielberg's little seen classic Duel, a film that has long deserved cult status. It wasn't a great film but it had the right mix of horror movie scares and knowing humor. For the sequel, director Salva returns without any of the elements of the first film, save for a cameo by Long, and makes another standard issue crappy sequel right off of the Hollywood assembly line. He didn't even use the creepy song that was a supposedly critical part of the first film.

Traveling down a lonesome backwoods highway, a group of teenagers are singing (as teens are so apt to do) about the big game they just won. Suddenly, a tire blows and the team's coaches and the bus driver make a grisly discovery--a sharp throwing star-like device made from human flesh and bone. Undeterred, it's back on the bus and not long before yet another fleshy weapon fells the intrepid bus.

Meanwhile as the adults parse the inanity of the horror plot, a group of central casting's biggest cliches argues over things even more inane and ridiculous than the film's plot. As the kids become aware of the trouble they are in, we watch a couple of rather unintentionally funny moments as the adults are picked off one by one by the flying demon we in the audience know is the Creeper. It is not until one of the cheerleader chicks passes out and has a very convenient psychic vision that the cliche kids figure out what they are dealing with. Not that knowing it does any good.

Parallel to the kids on the bus is the story of a farmer played to great unintentional comic effect by Ray Wise (better known as Leland Palmer to Twin Peaks fans). Wise chews the scenery as his son is picked off by the Creeper in the scene that played well in small bites in the film's trailer. After losing his kid, the farmer goes all MacGyver/Rambo and sets out to kill the Creeper.

The film's big mistakes are innumerable, from script to cast to effects, but the biggest problem is the Creeper himself, who was largely unseen in the original. For the first 30 or so minutes of the first film, I thought the truck was the bad guy. In Jeepers Creepers 2there are extended shots of the Creeper's face that show him to be a 1930s cartoon character come to life. (I swear I saw this guy stalking Porky Pig in black and white.) This demystifying of the Creeper lessens his effectiveness to be scary and when he makes facial gestures and mimes, he reminds the audience of Freddy Krueger (and a far better horror film playing in the theater next door.)

What Freddy or Jason lost in becoming the focal point of their respective series was made up for in the personality department--Freddy with his horrible quips and puns and Jason's miming and head tilts. The Creeper has no such hook.

The film also establishes certain rules for the Creeper and then proceeds to defy them. Supposedly, he feeds on fear yet, when he swoops off with the team's coach, the guy had no idea there was anything to be afraid of. The Creeper murders numerous people offscreen who seem to have been clueless to his existence before he killed them. The Creeper is supposedly out for particular body parts but he still kills at random.

Pointing out plot holes in a horror film is like shooting fish in a barrel, so I must report the few good things in Jeepers Creepers 2. I really enjoyed Ray Wise's comic scene chewing; I realize that the humor his character creates is unintentional but it's still the best part of the film. Wise's character makes the films ending its most effective moment, even if it is, as I said, unintentionally humorous. The other good scene in the film is a dream sequence, which gives the characters a little plot update. It's an extremely convenient plot device, totally random and hackey from a screenwriting perspective, but it is well shot and Justin Long's cameo is a nice reminder of the first film's shocker climax.

It seems any film with a "2" behind the title has sucked big time this summer and Jeepers Creepers 2 is yet another example of that. Does this mean that Hollywood will make fewer sequels? No. Does this mean they will try to make them better? No. What does it mean then, it means there are plenty more crappy sequels to come and likely one of them will be bad enough to make you forget how bad Jeepers Creepers 2 was.

Movie Review: Crossroads

Crossroads (2002) 

Directed by Tamra Davis 

Written by Shonda Rhimes 

Starring Britney Spears, Anson Mount, Zoe Saldana, Taryn Manning, Kim Cattrall, Dan Akroyd, Justin Long

Release Date February 15th, 2002

Published February 15th, 2002 

Will pop stars ever learn?

It never fails that every time a pop star gains any kind of popularity their instincts lead them to acting. Madonna, Mandy Moore and Michael Jackson have all made miserable attempts at acting careers. And of course we're all still recovering from the film debuts of N'Sync and Mariah Carey. Now the world’s flavor of the decade, Britney Spears, has made her crossover attempt with the pop flavored Crossroads.

Britney is Lucy, the virginal valedictorian with a voice like an angel. On the day of her high school graduation Lucy reunites with old friends to unearth a box of childhood memories buried 10 years earlier. It seems Lucy and her friends Mimi (Taryn Manning) and Kit (Zoey Saldana) have grown apart in the last 10 years but now are coming back together for a road trip to L.A. so Mimi can become a rock star and Lucy can find the mother who abandoned her when she was just 3 years old.

So, now we have combined the road movie with the pop star vehicle, oh could this possibly suck more? Well in fact yes, yes it can and does suck even more. Lucy finally finds her mother who is played by Sex & The City's Kim Cattrall, and we are treated to one of the most stupid, mean and contrived situations this side of daytime soap operas. Lucy meets her mother and rather than go with what should be the film’s dramatic high-point, the film cuts to her friends hanging out a local hotel and Lucy returning crying as she explains that her mother hates her and wishes she was never born. How fun!

To be fair, Britney is good at eliciting sympathy. Her acting leaves a good deal to desire but she's far better than fellow pop tarts Mandy Moore and Mariah Carey. What is most striking is how young Britney looks. She is reportedly 21 years old in real life, but in the film her character is 18 and she looks about 14. That's both blessing and a curse in some ways, as her remarkable youth is a tad unnerving considering where the plot is going and considering what I am about to discuss. 

Not surprisingly, there are a couple of gratuitous shots meant to appeal to horny young boys. Britney prances around in her underwear twice in the first 20 minutes of the film. I must give Britney credit for bravely risking her virginal reputation by allowing her character to be deflowered in the film. I certainly didn't expect or really desire to see this but here we are. Britney's journey is arriving where she's going to have sex for the first time. 

The saddest thing about the film is it’s inclusion of Jeepers Creepers star Justin Long in the throwaway role of Britney's first boyfriend. Long is a tremendous comic actor as he's shows on NBC's highly underrated Ed. In Crossroads, Long appears in the film’s first 20 minutes, providing the film’s only funny moments and then is eschewed in favor of the more teeny bop, test screened hunk Anson Mount whose performance is extremely dull in comparison to the animated, funny turn by Long.'

Crossroads is as awful as we all thought it would be, and Britney, I hope, will go back to her day job. But she can do so knowing at least this was better than Glitter.

Movie Review He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You (2009) 

Directed by Ken Kwapis 

Written by Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein 

Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly Bradley Cooper, Justin Long 

Release Date February 6th, 2009 

Published February 5th, 2009

A book based on a line of dialogue from a TV show goes on to become a massive bestseller and adapted into a major motion picture. Shouldn't the TV writer get the credit? After all, Michael Patrick King, the Sex and the City writer and his staff, were the ones who came up with this bit of mini insight. Comedian 
Greg Behrendt merely filled in the margins around that line with banal generalizations, a few John Gray Mars and Venus cribs, and humor aimed at the lifeless Lifetime TV movie crowd. It was that episode of Sex and the City about Berger telling Miranda what men really think that had the 'He's Just Not That Into You' epiphany.

And let's be real here. There was more insight into relationships in that one 22 minute Sex and the City episode than there are in the 300 some pages of Greg Behrendt's book and the nearly 2 hour movie based on it. Skip the movie and the book, let's watch Sex and the City. Unfortunately, I had to see the movie and what a chore it is. Despite one of the most impressive casts this side of a Love Boat-Fantasy Island crossover episode, He's Just Not That Into is a brutal exercise in monotonous, whiny neuroses. If I wanted that I would tape my therapy sessions.

Ginnifer Goodwin is the ostensible lead of He's Just Not That Into You and the poor girl makes a sad, sad spectacle of herself as Gigi the whiniest and most neurotic of a cast full of whiny neurotics. Her Gigi can barely read street signs, forget the subtle signals of human interaction. When she goes out on a semi-decent date with Conor (Kevin Connelly) she seems normal, just a little clueless about the signs that he isn't really that into her. Later, as she waits for him to call for another date she spends endless, ear splitting minutes detailing exactly why she is certain he will call again, including a mind numbing dissertation on the banal phrase 'Nice meeting you'.

Needless to say, Conor doesn't call back. That however may or may not have anything to do with the supremely needy vibe that Gigi puts out, but because he is obsessed with Anna (Scarlett Johansson) a girl he slept with once and now hangs out with while not getting any anymore. He cannot understand why they aren't sleeping together anymore even though they still hang out. Anyone else want to wack this guy with a baseball bat? With his pal Alex (Justin Long) he rehashes a brief conversation he had with Anna over the phone, who he called right after his date with Gigi, and how she said she would call him right back but didn't.

Anna, you see, was at a grocery store and struck up a flirtation with Ben (Bradley Cooper) just as Conor was calling. She jumped off the phone with Conor despite the wedding ring on Ben's finger. Further, despite that ring, she pushes the flirting, getting his card ostensibly so he can pass it along to an agent friend of his, she's a singer. Ben is able to control himself for a little while though he and his wife Janine (Jennifer Connelly) have been arguing throughout the massive redecoration of their new home. She wants to talk tile patterns and whether he has actually quit smoking and he just wants to have sex with Anna.

All of these various troubled relationships are presented in the most general fashion with little character development and no really interesting dialogue. Director Ken Kwapis and writers Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein definitely do justice to Greg Behrendt's book but in so doing, they are left with the same lackluster, limp dating advice that populates that absurdly popular book. Kwapis is a terrific television director, he's done some fine work with The Office but in features, yeesh. His resume includes Beautician and the Beast and, ugh, License To Wed.

Then again, he also directed the original Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants which is a movie of great warmth, humor and empathy, all of which is absent from He's Just Not That Into You. Then again, Sisterhood is based on a much better book than He's Just Not That Into You. Not that I have read Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, I have read He's Just Not That Into You and I feel very comfortable making the assumption. Ken Kwapis has some talent, how he has made such terrible films, and one pretty good one, remains a mystery to me.

Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore round out the all star cast of He's Just Not That Into You and they seem like they may be in entirely different movies. Affleck and Aniston actually escape the dreary humor free children mincing their way through this abyss of stupidity that is He's Just Not That Into You. As a couple who've been together for seven years without getting married they are saddled with the same mindless problems of the rest of the cast but they are onscreen so little and neither allows for any real whining about their problems, they miss out on the sad fates of the rest of the cast.

Poor Drew Barrymore arguably gets it the worst of anyone in arguably the smallest role in the movie. Shoehorned into the plot as Anna's best friend, Drew has a technology problem. With her MySpace page, her cellphone, her home phone, her work phone, her home email, her work email, she has to check every one every few minutes to get updates on her latest relationship. It's exhausting to be rejected in so many forms and she longs for the days of an answering machine. Ugh! Can someone just get this girl a blackberry? An IPhone? Something! Honestly, if modern tech is this hard for you, just give up. Go live in a cave somewhere.

And Drew's role is minuscule compared to Ginnifer Goodwin's Gigi who, if she were a real person, would likely have died from forgetting how to breathe. This is one of the most dull witted characters ever brought to the screen. I like Goodwin, she's an attractive girl who I know is not this mentally challenged. The character she is saddled with in He's Just Not That Into You is a flibbertigibbet moron who could barely read traffic signals, forget body language or even a direct answer from a guy telling her he is never going to call her.

Ladies, this movie is meant for you and the people who made it think that Gigi represents you. They think all of these ludicrous, brain-dead morons stand in for a type that you can relate to. This is what Hollywood thinks of you. If that is not a massive insult I don't know what is. Granted, the men in this movie don't get off easy, Kevin Connelly's Conor is pathetic beyond words, Bradley Cooper's Ben is pathetic and a jerk and Justin Long's Alex is arguably more clueless than anyone else in the film, likely because he is the stand in for Author Behrendt, as the advice giver of the group.

It is Alex who advises Gigi, regarding Conor, that 'He's Just Not That Into You' and fails to communicate that to her because he wasn't writing it on a brick and clubbing her with it repeatedly. His banal generalities about why men do what they do and why women don't get it are the thesis statement of He's Just Not That Into You and they boil down to nothing more insightful than that simpleminded title.

Movie Review: Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipwrecked

Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipwrecked (2011) 

Directed by Mike Mitchell

Written by Jonathan Aibel, Glenn

Starring Jason Lee, Justin Long, David Cross, Jenny Slate, Anna Faris, Amy Poehler 

Release Date December 16th, 2011 

Published December 15th, 2011 

As a professional critic I know I shouldn't be biased against any movie but indeed I was biased against "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked." The first two "Alvin and the Chipmunks" big screen adventures are moronic and terrible movies that flashed pretty colors and loud music in order to distract children and parents into thinking they'd gotten their money's worth.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" on the other hand has a richness and thoughtfulness that was lacking in the first two movies. In no way is 'Chipwrecked' a great movie but by the lowered bar of the first two films it's a "Citizen Kane" level effort.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" opens on a cruise ship where a family vacation is, of course, upended by Alvin's hijinks. Dave (Jason Lee) makes the mistake of leaving Alvin alone in their state room and he leads a break out of the room that takes him to the casino and the Chipettes to the dance floor for a dance off against some Jersey Shore babes.

The ship scenes are very reminiscent of all the things wrong with the first two 'Alvin' movies and my heart sank for about 10 minutes until Alvin took flight on a kite with Simon, Theordore, Brittany, Eleanor, and Jeanette hanging on the tale end. The kite carries the chipmunks off of the cruise ship and off-course to a lost little island.

Dave gives chase after the kids on a hang glider and is joined by his music industry rival Ian (David Cross) who gets caught up attempting to stop Dave from going after the kids. Ian is now a mascot for the cruise line and spends most of the movie dressed as a giant pelican.

In my favorite part of "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" former SNL bit player and "Bored to Death" actress Jenny Slate plays Zoe, a castaway on the island. Slate's wacked out Zoe has a running gag about sports balls, ala Tom Hanks in "Cast Away," that somehow got a laugh from me every time the movie brought it back.

Will kids get a reference to "Cast Away?" Probably not; but the wacky bits that Slate does with the balls, including naming them, are expansive enough to get laughs no matter whether you get the reference. It's also nice to see the creators of 'Chipwrecked' throw moms and dads a bone.

"Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked" is not a great movie; it doesn't rise to the level of great family movies like "The Muppets" or "Rango," but the fact that the makers of 'Chipwrecked' worked hard enough to improve this awful series is admirable. Director Mike Mitchell could have coasted on the 'Alvin' brand name and he didn't and I appreciate that.

Unlike the first two films, there is the sense of an actual idea in "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked." The movie aims to dialogue a little with kids about growing up and learning and earning responsibility. It's a little idea and it's not pursued with much depth but it's one more idea than existed in the first two movies combined.


Movie Review Going the Distance

Going the Distance (2010) 

Directed by Nanette Burstein 

Written by Geoff La Tulippe 

Starring Justin Long, Drew Barrymore, Charlie Day, Christina Applegate, Jason Sudeikis

Release Date September 3rd, 2010 

Published September 2nd, 2010 

The trailers and commercials for “Going the Distance” do not promise much. It's fair to predict, upon seeing the film's cutesy promos, that you are getting a trite and predictable romantic comedy. The actual movie however, though it is a romantic comedy, is something more than a series of rom-com clichés. In Going the Distance, stars Drew Barrymore and Justin Long display stunning romantic chemistry that brings life to the story of two people attempting a long distance relationship. These two terrific actors, once a real life couple, have each other’s vibe down and they bring a real feeling and romantic vitality to the conversations that these two characters have.

Garrett (Justin Long) has just bombed badly on his girlfriend's birthday; he didn't get her a gift. Dumped because he thought she meant it when she said not to get her anything, Garrett finds himself downing beers with his pals Dan (Charlie Day, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) and Box (Jason Sudeikis) when he spots Erin (Barrymore), a hard drinking, foul mouthed, one of the boys who happens to be tragically pretty and utterly irresistible.

Unfortunately, Erin is not in New York for long, only six weeks before she has to move back to San Francisco to finish school. The two agree to keep things casual and spend the next 6 weeks attached at the lips. When the day comes for Erin to go home, Garrett pitches a long distance relationship and “Going the Distance” eases comfortably into the expectations of a romantic comedy but with just enough surprises to keep things lively and fun.

Nanette Burstein is best known for the unconventional documentary “The Kid Stays in the Picture,” based on the life of Hollywood legend Robert Evans. In that film Burstein steered around the limitations of typical documentary filmmaking by toying with the form and allowing the pompous yet fascinating Evans narrate his own life as if he were sitting on the couch next to you recounting his life story while images flashed all around as if in 3D broadcast from his mind.

Experimenting with the form of a romantic comedy seems, to me, to be an even greater challenge but one that Ms. Burstein was up for and though “Going the Distance” is no radical rejiggering of the form, her more modest innovations liven things up. For instance, when Garrett and Erin go on their first date Burstein switches from conventional film stock to handheld digital. The movie is briefly wrenching but it does increase the intimacy of this romantic moment by taking advantage of natural light and seemingly un-choreographed street scenery. She sticks with the device for the following few scenes, a montage of the six weeks of getting to know you time and that works as well.

The other innovation is the use of four letter words. Yes, we have heard cursing in movies to the point of being completely jaded but there is something in the way Drew Barrymore says the F-word, something so delightfully naughty and unexpected that it plays kind of sexy in a strange way. Co-star Jason Sudeikis also makes clever and unexpected use of obscenity that, because of years of SNL censoring, has a jarring yet hilarious effect. Sudeikis has never seemed more natural and appealing on screen as he does in “Going the Distance” describing the challenge of a long distance relationship and dreaming up what Erin might be doing in California in filthy/funny detail.

Finally and even rarer still, the trailer material for “Going the Distance” has the rare quality of being the least interesting and least funny bits from the film. So often we have complained about movies using the best gags for the trailers and commercials but in “Going the Distance” the weakest and most conventional gags are used in the promos while the best stuff is in the movie. A surprisingly R-rated and unconventional romantic comedy, “Going the Distance” thrives on the exceptional chemistry of Drew Barrymore and Justin Long and the daring if not boundary breaking direction of Nanette Burstein. 

Going the Distance is a wonderful and welcome surprise. 

Documentary Review Fallen

Fallen (2017)  Directed by Thomas Marchese  Written by Documentary  Starring Michael Chiklis  Release Date September 1st, 2017 Published Aug...