Classic Movie Review Can't Buy Me Love

Can't Buy Me Love (1987) 

Directed by Steve Rash 

Written by Michael Swerdlick

Starring Amanda Peterson, Patrick Dempsey, Courtney Gains, Dennis Dugan 

Release Date August 14th, 1987

Can’t Buy Me Love is bankrupt at its core. The 1987 teen comedy starring Patrick Dempsey and the late Amanda Peterson has the trappings of a sweet 80s teen comedy about nerds and popular kids but lacks something in its heart. There is a cynicism at the center of Can’t Buy Me Love that the makers attempt to paper over by rushing to a climax that never feels right or especially earned.

Ronald Miller is our typical high school movie geek, stringy, shy, poorly dressed and into science. His crush is the most popular girl in school, Cindy, a cheerleader with a boyfriend who is now in college and is neglecting her affection. While Ronald pines from the seat of his lawnmower (he mows her lawn to the point he’s saved up $1000 while seeming to have only ever mowed Cindy’s lawn), Cindy is putting on a brave face about her absent boyfriend.

The plot kicks in when Cindy borrows an expensive outfit from her mother’s closet and ruins it. She desperately needs $1000 to replace the outfit and through plot contrivance, Ronald and his cold hard cash happen to be at the same mall attempting to buy a telescope, another 80s nerd signifier. Ronald offers his cash for Cindy to buy and replace her mom’s outfit in exchange for Cindy to go out with him and help him break into the cool clique at school.

The plan works as Cindy’s popularity rubs off on Ronald almost immediately. The two even begin to confide in one another and get close until Ronald misses his cue to kiss her for real and the two end up in a staged break up where Ronald compounds his blunders with cruel words he thinks are part of the act. Cindy is hurt and Ronald gets what he wants but not without a warning from her that being popular is harder than it looks. That’s what the makers of Can’t Buy Me Love don’t understand; while it goes through the motions of a lame redemption story for Ronald, the real story and the heart of the story belongs to Cindy whose struggle to maintain an image of perfection is harming her very soul.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Just Go With It

Just Go With It (2011) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan 

Written by Alan Loeb, Timothy Dowling 

Starring Adam Sandler, Brooklyn Decker, Jennifer Aniston, Nick Swardson 

Release Date February 11th, 2011 

Published February 11th, 2011 

Adam Sandler has given up. The star of “Just Go With It” simply isn't trying anymore. Having sussed out that his fans will attend any trip he slaps his name on, Sandler is now giving his fans the effort they deserve. If they are not going to ask for anything more than a few moments of him barking like a dog or a friend of his humping something, why should he offer anything more than a minimum effort?

In “Just Go With It” Sandler plays Danny, a plastic surgeon who got dumped on his wedding night some 20 years ago and found out that night that his now useless wedding ring was somehow an aphrodisiac. Thus, he has spent the past two decades wearing the ring, telling stories of being abused by his wife and bedding bimbo after foolish bimbo.

And then Danny met Palmer (Sports Illustrated model Brooklyn Decker), a fourth grade teacher who happens to meet him when he's not wearing his fake ring. The two hit it off but when she accidentally happens upon the ring she wants nothing to do with him. What's Danny to do but lie about getting a divorce in order to win her back? Unfortunately, Palmer insists on meeting the soon to be ex-Mrs. Danny.

With nowhere to turn, Danny calls on his assistant Katherine (Jennifer Aniston) to be the fake wife who will give her blessing to his new relationship. How these three along with Katherine's two kids and Danny's idiot cousin Eddy end up in Hawaii I will leave you to discover should you willingly waste the price of a ticket and nearly two hours of your precious life on “Just Go With It.”

My theory is that when “Grown Ups” became Sandler's highest grossing domestic feature it finally hit him that he no longer had to try. Heck, “Grown Ups” was just him goofing off with his pals and people paid millions to watch, clearly he doesn't have to work hard ever again. To test the theory Sandler along with his pal and favored director Dennis Dugan decided to take a Hawaiian vacation on a studio dime and film it just to see if people would watch him on a vacation.

Are there jokes in “Just Go With It?” Yes, I think they are intended as jokes but just to demonstrate the effort on display twice in the film Sandler simply barks like a dog as a punch line to a scene. TWICE! The old standbys are there as well including vague, shrugged shouldered homophobia and slight bestiality because what would a Sandler movie be without someone humping something.

Jennifer Aniston didn't merely get a vacation out of “Just Go With It,” in one pointless scene she gets a brand new wardrobe, one I wouldn't be surprised went home with her for real and why not the whole production was an excuse for a free trip to Hawaii why shouldn't she get a wardrobe in the deal.

Here's hoping Nicole Kidman, who has an awful cameo as an ex college rival of Aniston's Katherine, got something more out of “Just Go With It” than damage to her Oscar chances a la Eddie Murphy in “Norbit.” Kidman and poor Dave Matthews are saddled with such moronic characters that it’s fair to wonder if Sandler and Dugan really didn’t like them very much.  

Someone once said 'You only get what you give.' You gave Sandler millions just to watch him and his friends pee in a pool in “Grown Ups” so you can't be surprised that all he gives you in “Just Go With It” is a glimpse of his fabulous multimillion dollar Hawaiian vacation with Brooklyn Decker and Jennifer Aniston. Keep it up and his next movie will just be him in his living room watching old episodes of SNL with Scarlett Johansson as the girl who delivers his pizza.

Movie Review: You Don't Mess with the Zohan

You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan

Written by Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, Robert Smigel

Starring Adam Sandler, Emmanuel Chriqui, Rob Schneider, Lainie Kazan

Release Date June 6th, 2008

Published June 6th, 2008

It's strange to think of Adam Sandler and societal relevance. And yet, when you look back on his recent career it's difficult to miss a sort of ripped from the headlines quality to his resume. In Reign Over Me Sandler tackled post 9/11 grieving. In I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry it was gay marriage. Now with his latest Summer blockbuster Sandler takes on the middle east, specifically the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and does so with the kind of irreverence and all encompassing bad taste that leaves everyone offended and everyone laughing all at once.

In You Don't Mess With the Zohan Sandler plays 'The Zohan' an ex-Israeli secret police agent who gives up war with Palestine in favor of New York City and the opportunity to become a hairdresser. Taking a job in a neighborhood where Jews and Palestinians live in peace with one another, the Zohan finds himself not just working for a Palestinian, Deliah (Emanuel Chiriqi), but falling in love with her.

Things get dangerous for the Zohan however when a former Palestinian foe, now a cabdriver (Rob Schneider) recognizes him and decides to kill him. The cabby eventually calls on the Zohan's former enemy 'The Phantom' to do the job. The real enemy however is a developer (Michael 'Are You Ready to Rumble' Buffer) who wants the property occupied by Israelis and Palestinians and hires a group of rednecks, lead by James (rocker Dave Matthews), to burn the community to ground and get the two sides to blame each other for the fire.

The plot is more cohesive than the usual Sandler collection of gags, likely due to the influence of current comedy top dog Judd Apatow who joins forces with Sandler and director Dennis Dugan on a script that does slightly more than exist to allow for Sandler's many physical gags and gay jokes. There is an earnest and honest attempt at a message of peace and love for Israelis and Palestinians even as the film offers stunningly offensive caricatures of each. The filmmakers take the perspective that as long as everyone is offended no one is offended and the approach kinda works.

As resistant as I was for much of the Zohan's antics I did find myself laughing loudly more than I ever imagined. Yes, the gay jokes get old and offensive real fast. Yes, watching the Zohan make his name early on in the New York scenes by banging old ladies is utterly horrifying. Nevertheless, you laugh and in a comedy can you really ask much more? And with the Zohan striving for uplift in such an honest fashion, it's hard to dislike and indeed not admire the efforts of the Zohan.

Adam Sandler isn't about to solve the middle east crisis but he seems to care and that is something from the man who was The Waterboy and Little Nicky.

Movie Review Grown Ups

Grown Ups (2010) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan

Written by Adam Sandler, Fred Wolf

Starring Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, Taylor Lautner

Release Date June 25th, 2010 

Published June 24th, 2010

Critics, like me, can decry the Adam Sandler brand of comedy all day. We do, we will, I will. But, we cannot deny its continuing success. Sandler is, arguably, the safest business bet in all of Hollywood. Even at his worst in garbage like “Bedtime Stories,” the worst film of 2008, bar none, Sandler still turns out his fans and returns on studio investments. That will not change with the release of “Grown Ups.” This thin excuse for Sandler to get his oldest friends together for a lakeside working vacation is exceptionally typical of the Sandler brand: dog doo, passing gas and copious pratfalls. It's not filmic poetry but fans of the brand do not care.

In “Grown Ups” Adam Sandler is Lenny, a 40-something Hollywood Agent married to a sexy fashion designer (Salma Hayek) and raising three spoiled kids who text their nanny to bring them things ,and spend most of their time in front of a flat screen TV. Lenny laments his children's lack of imagination but does little to change them. That is until Lenny is shocked out of his rich boy Hollywood idyll by the death of his childhood mentor and basketball coach, Coach Buzzer (Comic and Sandler crony Blake Clark).

Gathering up his wife and brats, Lenny is headed home to a lakeside retreat to meet his old pals and former teammates. There's Eric (Kevin James), the chubby one, whose wife (Maria Bello) is still breastfeeding their 4-year-old son.

Kurt (Chris Rock), a henpecked house husband under the thumb of his pregnant wife (Maya Rudolf). There is Marcus (David Spade), the single and loving ladies man. And finally there is Rob, a dopey thrice divorced vegan spiritualist married to a much, much, much older woman (Joyce Van Patten).

Beyond these minor character quirks there really is nothing to any of these characters. In the course of “Grown Ups” none of these characters evolve, deepen or expand our understanding of them. Sure, each is given an issue to play, like Sandler and his tech-obsessed brats, but each of these issues is resolved with little, if any, dramatic effort.

Like most Adam Sandler comedies, “Grown Ups” is an idea in search of a story or unifying theme that settles for being a series of occasionally funny gags and one liners. Sandler and his company Happy Madison don't so much develop screenplays really; rather, they come up with ideas, grab a camera and hope that something will come together in editing.

Nothing much comes together in “Grown Ups.” David Spade gets in a few good jabs. Kevin James falls down funny once or twice. Rob Schneider has a bit with an arrow that earns a chuckle but the good gags are few and far between. More often you get a lot of dead space in which the gang riffs in search of a punchline, often never finding it and allowing a scene to simply end awkwardly and unfunny.

None of my criticism of “Grown Ups” will matter to the Sandler cult. There is poo, there are multiple farts and the chubby guy, James, falls down funny. That's all the Sandler fan asks for and that is all that “Grown Ups delivers.” Success, it seems, is a highly subjective concept.

Movie Review I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan 

Written by Barry Fanaro, Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor 

Starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Jessica Biel, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, Dan Akroyd

Release Date July 20th, 2007

Published July 20th, 2007

For every little bit of progress Adam Sandler makes as an actor; he seems to take one step back. His performance earlier this year in the 9/11 drama Reign Over Me was a tremendous step forward for Sandler as an actor, if a bit of a step down from his usual box office stature. Like his very impressive turn in P.T Anderson's Punch Drunk Love which Sandler followed with the juvenile animated effort 8 Crazy Nights and the dull, unfunny rage of Anger Management, Sandler chooses to follow Reign Over Me with the childish attempt at P.C laughs in stereotypical clothes, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

Larry Valentine has a big problem. As a firefighter who rushes into the blaze to save lives, his life is often on the line. His work is very dangerous and with two kids at home to take care of, Larry wants to make sure they get his pension should something happen to him. Unfortunately, a paperwork snafu, in the wake of his wife's untimely death, has left Larry in a real bind. Should he be killed in action, his kids won't get his pension unless he gets married.

Unfortunately for Larry, there is only one person he would trust enough to make sure his kids were taken care of. his lifelong pal, Chuck Levine. This is where Larry crafts a real hairbrained scheme. Seeing a story in the paper about how the city of New York has legalized domestic partnerships for gay couples, Larry gets the idea to marry his pal Chuck.

Chuck is not exactly the ideal choice for this scam. He has a rather legendary reputation as a ladies man. In fact, when we first meet Chuck a pair of sexy twin sisters are fighting over him after he slept with both of them. Later, when Larry goes to tell Chuck his plan, he interrupts him while he is romancing several women at the same time.

Nevertheless, Chuck owes Larry his life after a fire call went bad, so he agrees and the two head for Canada to make it legal. Things get complicated when the city challenges the authenticity of their relationship and Larry hires a sexy lawyer named Alex (Jessica Biel) who immediately strikes a chord with Chuck and puts the whole scheme on thin ice.

This being a typical, brainless Adam Sandler effort you expect and get just about every stereotype known to man thrown in as comic asides. However, surprisingly enough, the biggest problem with I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry is not insensitivity, the film actually offers a pro gay agenda. Rather, the problem is much simpler than that. It's just not a very well made movie.

Directed by Adam Sandler's pet director Dennis Dugan (Big Daddy, Happy Gilmore), I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry never establishes a solid tone or any kind of charm. The film is crude and resorts more often to dull slapstick than to anything organically plot driven. The plot should be the focus, it's a big broad topic with many opportunities for satire. That, sadly, is well beyond the intellectual scope of Dugan and Sandler.

While there will be many who will be offended by the many stereotypes at use in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, you will be surprised how fairminded and pro gay the film really is. Though the support is shallow because of the gutless direction of Dennis Dugan and the strip mined script by Sandler and Barry Fanaro, the film's heart is in the right place.

What really stinks is that you can see the potential for something a little more thoughtful, deeper and more satisfying. Jim Taylor and Alexander Payne, the team behind Election, About Schmidt and Sideways, delivered a version of this script that, those who have read it, say is sharper and more pointed in its humor and perspective. That version was flamed in favor of a more Sandler friendly version with all of the slapstick and self serving ego indulgences that are Sandler's hallmarks.

My biggest fear was that I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry would be a series of stereotypical jokes with a liberal use of the word f****t. Watching it, that is what we get. However, a heavy dose of positivity manages to balance things out in a very surprising way. That positive feeling however, is not enough to make the film funnier than it is or more believable than it is.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry suffers the ego of its star Adam Sandler who compromises much of what might have worked in the film in favor of fellating his own ego. What a shame, there was a good deal of potential here.

Movie Review: The Benchwarmers

The Benchwarmers (2006) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan

Written by Allan Covert, Nick Swardson

Starring Jon Heder, Rob Schneider, Nick Swardson, Jon Lovitz, Craig Kilborn

Release Date April 7th, 2006

Published April 11th, 2006 

There was a bit of controversy surrounding the release of the new comedy The Benchwarmers. Many critics were upset when Sony canceled critics' screenings across the country at the last minute. Critics were upset not necessarily because they did not get to see this particular film in time for newspaper reviews, but rather because it marked the continuation of a trend of films not being screened ahead of time for critics.

What is unfortunate about this situation is that the critical anger casts The Benchwarmers as some kind of watershed moment in the history of Hollywood studios and film critics. The last thing anyone wants is to make this abomination of a film memorable in any way, let alone historic. Ugh!

The Benchwarmers stars Adam Sandler's back up band--Rob Schneider, David Spade along with a script by acolytes Allen Covert and Nick Swardson. It also stars Napoleon Dynamite's Jon Heder in a definite fire-your-agent career move.

When a couple of nerdy kids are kicked off a baseball field by bullies, Gus (Rob Schneider), Richie (David Spade) and Clark (Jon Heder) challenge the bullies to a game. Gus is a natural athlete, however Richie, a 39-year-old virgin and video store clerk and Clark, a thirty-something mama's boy who has to wear a helmet wherever he goes, are not.

The trio somehow manage to win, leading to further challenges from bully teams. A following of nerdy kids desperate to see jocks get their comeuppance from a trio of nerds develops and comes to the attention of a billionaire nerd, Mel (Jon Lovitz), who throws out an additional challenge. He will build a state-of-the-art baseball stadium and give it to whatever city's team can beat the trio, now known as the Benchwarmers.

Directed by Dennis Dugan, who has a resume only a mother could love, including both Happy Gilmore and Big Daddy, The Benchwarmers is competent in terms of being in frame and correctly lit for both indoor and outdoor shots. After that it's pretty well downhill.

I have a theory that people in general never grow up, they simply get older. Schneider, Spade and the entire Sandler crew seem, to me, to be living proof of this theory. At some point each of these men should have outgrown dick and fart jokes. However, even as each has passed the age of 40, they return to the same tired lowbrow jokes.

One could argue, why mess with success? These guys have made quite a bank load off of this brand of humor. I would argue that this cannot work forever and eventually the well for these guys will dry up and they will be left with no one to gape slack-jawed at their antics. For now, though, they are right. Despite my distaste for this brand of humor, it is successful. The Benchwarmers opened to more than 20 million at the box office.

I was going to make a joke about Schneider being cast in a role with model Molly Sims as his love interest. However, with news that in reality David Spade is dating Heather Locklear, one must forget believability--real life is even more bizarre than the movies.

What can my critical brethren take away from The Benchwarmers? Not much. Early reviews pretty well wrote themselves on this film. There are no surprises or innovations in The Benchwarmers--I could have written this negative review of the film far in advance of having seen it. The main point is the audience for The Benchwarmers would have seen the film regardless of its Rotten Tomatoes ranking--currently only 11 percent positive.

Movie Review National Security

National Security (2003) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan 

Written by Jay Scherick

Starring Martin Lawrence, Steve Zahn, Colm Feore, Bill Duke, Eric Roberts, Timothy Busfield

Release Date January 17th, 2002

Published January 16th, 2002 

Oh boy. Another mismatched buddy cop movie!

National Security, starring Martin Lawrence and Steve Zahn is yet another formula action-comedy, but, for once, the comedy part of the action-comedy is actually funny.

Zahn is an LAPD officer named Hank. One night, he and his partner (Timothy Busfield in an effective cameo) happen upon a break in at a storage facility and, in their attempt to capture the criminals, Hank's partner is shot and killed. Martin Lawrence is Earl, an LAPD trainee who flunks out of the academy for being a little too aggressive. Hank and Earl meet for the first time as Hank comes upon Earl trying to retrieve his keys from his locked car. 

Thinking that Earl may be trying to steal the car, Hank asks for identification and proof of ownership of the car. Earl sees Hank's questions as racist and refuses, leading to a confrontation that is a parody of the Rodney King incident. A guy with a video recorder catches Hank trying to swat a bee that is flying around Earl's head. From the cameraman's perspective, it does look like Hank is beating Earl and, when the incident goes to trial, Earl does nothing to change that perception. Hank is convicted of assault, fired from his job, and is sentenced to six months in jail.

Once released from jail, Hank takes a job working as a security guard while searching for the group of bad guys who killed his partner. As fate would have it, Hank's search leads him to a warehouse where Earl works as a security guard and the two team up in a gunfight against the bad guys. The bad guys, lead by--of all people--Eric Roberts, get away and Earl and Hank are now forced to team up and take them down. Unsurprisingly, they become friends in the process.

Director Dennis Dugan, a master of formula trash (Happy Gilmore, Saving Silverman), is the perfect choice to direct this collection of action clichés and one liners. All you need is a director who can make a certain scene reasonably in frame and you're done.

What makes National Security a little better than most films of its formula is its humor, which deals frankly with race and violence and is funny. Lawrence is particularly sharp with the racial humor and Zahn is a surprisingly good foil. If it weren't for Zahn's ridiculously distracting facial hair I would have loved his performance, but I missed some of it watching his mustache come loose or fall off.

National Security has the feel of Lawrence's other slickly produced action comedies--Blue Streak and Bad Boys--except not as stylish. National Security is technically well produced but is all surface and no depth. In case you were wondering the answer is yes, there is a scene where the heroes outrun a giant fireball. You can't make a formula action movie without a slow motion fireball.