Classic Movie Review The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez

The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez 

Directed by Robert M. Young 

Written by Victor Villasenor, Robert Young

Starring Edward James Olmos, James Gammon

Release Date August 19th, 1983 

The tragic story of The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez remains legend in Texas more than 100 years later. A simple error in translation between a sheriff and a man accused of stealing horses led to multiple deaths and the largest manhunt in Texas history at the time. Director Robert M. Young adapted the story of Gregorio Cortes with the help of star Edward James Olmos in a lovely, muted fashion that underlines how remarkable tragedy can arise simply from our inability to communicate effectively.

Gregorio Cortez (Edward James Olmos) was a quiet farmer in Gonzales, Texas until the day a sheriff arrived and accused him of stealing a horse. The events from then on are retold from multiple perspectives with details that change via the man telling the story. The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez unfolds in the familiar style of Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo and turns importantly on the way perspective and bias can affect the truth.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media, linked here. 

Movie Review Pieces

Pieces (1983) 

Directed by Juan Piquer Simion 

Written by Dick Randall, Roberto Loyola 

Starring Christopher George, Paul Smith, Edmund Purdom, Linda Day 

Release Date October 14th, 1983 

Published October 17th, 2023 

Pieces? Where have you been for all of my horror movie loving life. Pieces is a 1983 slasher movie that perfectly mixes camp and horror. The film is often hysterically over the top and genuinely gross in gory set pieces well at home in the horror genre. It's not an easy balance between being goofy and scary and Pieces really hits the sweet spot. I can't say that anyone making Pieces knew they were making a goofball melodrama crossed with a bloody slasher movie, I imagine they thought they were just making an exploitation film. And yet, what they made is exactly what I love about 80s horror, a hilariously overwrought drama and a slasher movie. 

Pieces centers on a child named Timmy Reston. It's 1942 and Timmy's daddy is fighting in World War 2. On the home front, Timmy has found some of dad's risque collection of... puzzles. Well, one puzzle specifically, one of a nude, smiling woman. When Timmy's mom catches him putting the puzzle together, she reacts with fury and plans to burn the puzzle and everything Timmy owns in revenge for this lustful heart. Timmy, being perhaps even more dramatic than his mother, runs to grab an ax which he uses to split his mother's skull and dismember her body. Timmy manages this just as his governess is arriving at the home. She calls the Police and though Timmy is covered in blood and his mother's head is in his closet, they assume he's just a traumatized kid and not the killer. 

Cut to 40 years later, it's 1982 and we get our first bizarre non-sequitur moment. On a college campus, we see a young friendly girl on roller skates. She's waving to friends  and appears to be a beloved young person. Shots of her on her roller skates are cross-cut with the arrival of a van for a glass company. We see the girl on skates and workers exiting the vehicle. She skates faster and more excited and the workers are removing a sheet of glass from the van. You know where this is heading and exactly what you think is going to happen, happens, she crashes into the glass. Is she dead? You might assume so. Why did we witness this? Beats me, there is zero explanation for this happening. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media

Classic Movie Review Sleepaway Camp

Sleepaway Camp (1983) 

Directed by Robert Hiltzik 

Written by Robert Hiltzik 

Starring Felissa Rose, Mike Kellin, Paul DeAngelo, Jonathan Tiersten 

Release Date November 18th, 1983 

Published July 16th, 2023 

When I first saw Sleepaway Camp, some time in my early 20s, I thought it was a goofy, silly, fun-bad horror movie. Now, in my 40s, the joke has worn thin. Instead of enjoying the terrible acting, the odd choice to show a large portion of a camp baseball game, and Felissa Rose's bizarre performance, all feel like a massive waste of my time. Where I once laughed at the outrageous gory death scenes and THAT twist reveal at the end, I am no longer enjoying myself. Is it maturity or a general grumpiness that has set in? I can't be sure. One thing that I am sure of however is, I now have a Sleepaway Camp box set DVD for sale. 

Sleepaway Camp is a slasher film set at a summer camp in the early 1980s. Angela (Felissa Rose) is being forced to attend by her bizarre Aunt Martha (Desiree Gould). Thankfully, Angela has her cousin, Ricky (Jonathan Tiersten), who threatens to fight anyone who gives Angela a hard time. That, at least, keeps the boys in line but it doesn't stop Ricky's camp crush, Judy (Karen Fields), from mocking Angela, with her camp counselor pal Meg (Katherine Kamhi), always at her side. These two-mock poor, silent and shy Angela at every turn. 

But they may not be the biggest threat Angela faces at camp. Not long after arriving, the camp cook, a dirty, crusty looking creep, sets his sights on Angela. Trapping her in the walk-in cooler, the threat to Angela is very real. Thankfully, Ricky arrives just in time to make the save. Just as fortuitously for future victims of this creep, he's soon dispatched by an unseen killer. In a scene that defies basic logic and physics, the creep nearly ends up being dumped in a pot of boiling water. Instead of falling in the far too tall pot, he falls and drags the boiling pot onto himself, leaving massive, eventually deadly, burns. 

This is the first of what will be several dead bodies in Sleepaway Camp, each a gruesome but also logic defying death. All of this leading up to a nonsensical reveal that is shockingly graphic, considering the circumstances, but not well thought out or presented in a way that makes much sense. Spoiler alert, Angela is a boy. Her crazy Aunt Martha adopted Angela after his sister and father were killed in a boating accident in 1978. In the five years since that day, Martha has forced Angela to live as a boy, even fooling her own son into believing that Angela is his female cousin. 

The murders are supposed to be the result of a growing sense of rage over his/her identity, his/her declining mental state, and the people who have mistreated and bullied Angela since she arrived at the camp. But the film is so oddly desperate to hide its big twist that it includes murders of numerous people who have nothing to do with bullying Angela. I know that logic isn't welcome in a movie this broad, silly, and low budget, but Angela's motivations aren't strong enough to sustain the narrative. What should be a cathartic rage is too often presented with the aim of creating a red-herring that never emerges. 

Find my full length review at Horror.Media

Movie Essay: The Body Horror of Videodrome

Videodrome is director David Cronenberg’s philosophical deconstruction of American culture, circa 1983. Yet, it remains relevant today as a commentary on the way in which American style violence infects the world. The story of shock television programmer, Max Renn, played by James Woods, Videodrome is not so much about Max as it is about how the American culture of violence is like an infectious disease spreading across borders. 

Max Renn is a carnival barker in the guise of a television executive. As the proprietor of Channel 83, Canada’s least watched yet most controversial cable network, Max specializes in blood and guts from around the globe. His programming features pornography and violence and even pornographic violence. Anything to get attention and sell advertising is okay by Max. But beyond his anything goes style of programming lingers and emptiness, a soullessness that makes Max the perfect test subject for Videodrome. 

What is Videodrome? For max, it’s the next big thing in sex and violence. Via his expert engineer and satellite pirate, Harlan (Peter Dvorkin), Max has stolen Videodrome with the intent of airing it on Channel 83. All that Videodrome appears to be, from what we are shown, is an hour of excruciating BDSM. A nude woman, never named, is brutally whipped for nearly an hour. There is no plot, no characters, just sexual violence. 

Max is convinced that he has a hit on his hands. 

What Max doesn’t realize, not immediately anyway, is that Videodrome isn’t a TV show. Videodrome was not filmed on a soundstage in Malaysia or Pittsburgh. No, the Videodrome is real… sort of. With the aid of a long dead Professor, Dr Brian O'Blivion (Jack Creley), Max discovers that Videodrome is the creation of a shadowy American, political cabal. It was created to take over vulnerable minds, like Max’s, and use violent imagery to compel the vulnerable toward violence. 

Max was chosen because he was a soulless hack, a man with no moral center, a man who lacks character. Max is an empty vessel that Videodrome, and the cabal, behind it can manipulate to do their bidding. Max represents the world consumer, the viewer, the audience drawn toward the twisted thrill of blood and sex and violence. Videodrome is the hypnotic drug of sex and violence that once made up so much of American culture and spread around the globe by television and movies via VHS or Betamax. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983) 

Directed by Terry Jones

Written by Monty Python

Starring Eric Idle, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam

Release Date March 31st, 1983

Published March 31st 2013 

I have a horrible confession to make, I've never really been into Monty Python. I know, I know, anyone who considers themselves a serious fan of comedy tends to be into Monty Python but I've never really invested the time necessary to master the basics of Python's absurdist sketch comedy.

Sure, I can appreciate "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" but only as much as it reminds me of a more absurd version of a Mel Brooks comedy. It was with this in mind that I sat down for a 30th Anniversary look at "Monty Python's Meaning of Life" and once again I came away with a vague appreciation mixed with a bit of revulsion and a touch of confusion.

A Sketch Movie

'Meaning of Life' isn't so much a movie, in the traditional sense of the word, as it a collection of all new, in 1983 anyway, Python material reminiscent of the popular TV series that spawned the legendary comedy troupe. These however, are preceded by a wonderfully bizarre and oddly still trenchant today riff on corporate accountants called "The Crimson Permanent Assurance."

This 17 minute short film follows a group of accountants treated as slaves to their adding machines until the geezers decide to rebel. Once having seized the accounting firm they pull up anchor, hoist the main sail and suddenly the stodgy old English building is a working pirate ship enroute to a swanky financial district seeking the most hostile of takeovers.

Even today so-called Corporate 'Raiders' remain the pirates of Wall Street pillaging any company they choose and doing bloody battle with any company that stands in their way. The fact that so little has seemed to change in 30 years is disturbing and yet it adds an even greater tickle to this already delightful short satire.

Why Are We Here?

From there we are thrust into the Python troupe's sorta-kinda examination of the meaning of life, i.e 'Why are here?' ("At this restaurant?" "No sir, on this planet") First up for satire is the miracle of birth from different ends of the socio-economic ladder. On one end a woman finds herself almost ignored by doctors, played by Graham Chapman and John Cleese, more interested in playing with high end medical gadgets than in delivering her baby.

On the other end of the spectrum a poor bloke played by Michael Palin has just lost his job at the mill and must break it to his several dozen children that many of them will have to be given up for medical experimentation. This is merely the jumping off point for a soft-hearted satire of Catholics and the Church's illogical stance on birth control via the song via the not-so subtle tune "Every Sperm is Sacred."

The opening bit is tagged with another satire, this time of Protestants, played by Chapman and Eric Idle, as protestants who mock the Catholic stance on birth control yet never seem to take advantage of the birth control freedoms the clueless Chapman praises in volume and in variety as his wife listens ever to be disappointed.

Stiff Upper Lips and other Such Things

Further portions of 'The Meaning of Life' tackle learning from the perspective of a fearful Catholic school that teaches an abiding fear of God's wrath alongside a very liberal idea of sex education. Later the subject of War is lampooned with a joyously violent birthday celebration amidst the chaos of World War 1 and a tribute to the ever stiff upper lips of the English Officer Class.

Though these segments earn solid chuckles they are the least connected to the themes of 'Meaning of Life' and a brief break in the middle of the movie, actually called "The Middle of the Movie," seems to acknowledge the lack of connection while the following scene 'Middle Age' quickly moves to excuse it by openly mentioning how disconnected the film is from the title.

Not that formalism is on order for "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life." Directed by the wildly brilliant and unpredictable Terry Gilliam and fellow Python Terry Jones, 'Meaning of Life' as a title is merely a marketing tactic meant to tie together the Python's many bright sketch ideas and a few less bright ideas.

Mr. Creosote

Least among the sketches in "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" is one that opens Part 6 "The Autumn Years." I can recall friends and comedians referencing someone called 'Mr. Creosote' and having no idea what the reference was about. Now having witnessed 'Mr. Creosote' for myself I am re-evaluating my friends and idols.

The sketch involves an exceptionally large man, played director Jones, dining at a fancy restaurant and repeatedly projectile vomiting onto anything and anyone in range. I get the joke, it comes from the sheer lunacy of the large man and his extraordinary amount of vomit but knowing that doesn't make me laugh. The premise is flawed and the denouement of the large man exploding after eating a tiny after dinner mint is a mere ripoff of an Warner Bros. cartoon writ with more gore.

I did however, enjoy the final sketch "Death." It begins with a wildly inappropriate and terrifically funny sketch about a condemned man, Chapman, allowed to choose his method of death. I won't spoil this part as it truly deserves to be seen; I will only say that I might choose such a method death were I in a similarly absurd condemnation.

So, after thirty years, do I recommend "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life?" Yes and no. Yes, I recommend it for the truly curious who want to know more about the legendary Monty Python. However, because of 'Mr. Creosote' and another rather gory sketch involving forced liver donations, I must advise those with weak stomachs to pass on 'The Meaning of Life.'

Movie Review High Road to China

High Road to China (1983) 

Directed by Brian G. Hutton 

Written by Sandra Weintraub 

Starring Tom Selleck, Bess Armstrong, Jack Weston, Wilfred Brimley

Release Date March 18th, 1983

Published March 18th, 2013 

This weekend in 1983 a terrible Hollywood tradition continued; the tradition of the knock off. For every blockbuster movie there are at least one or sometimes a dozen similar movies hoping to strip mine the same success. In 1983 "High Road to China" arrived with hopes of glomming off the success of "Raiders of the Last Ark" and in grossing more than 28 million dollars it was a solid, entirely forgettable, hit movie.

Plot

In Turkey in 1920 pilot Patrick O'Malley (Selleck) is scraping out an existence as a pilot for hire who teaches rich folks to fly planes. O'Malley's life is altered forever when he encounters Eve (Bess Armstrong), a spoiled rich girl who needs to find her missing father before she loses her inheritance. Together the gruff O'Malley and the dilettante Eve go on an adventure that will lead them into the hills of Tibet and the fires of a revolution.

Review

Arriving at the box office a week after the execrable thriller "10 to Midnight," "High Road to China" must have been a breath of fresh air by comparison. 'High Road' has the breezy charm of an episode of "Magnum P.I" with the budget explosion and bullet budget only a big screen feature can afford. Selleck has the predictable charm of a roguish adventurer and plays well off of Armstrong's flighty socialite. That said, it's easy to understand how our collective pop culture forgot about "High Road to China." The direction is less than adventurous; the plot halts and stalls more than Selleck's planes and while 'High Road' is often mildly amusing it lacks the much needed sense of humor that marked the Saturday afternoon serials of the 1930's that inspired it.

Trivia

Director Brian G. Hutton is said to have given up directing after "High Road to China" and became a plumber.

Hutton's only other notable directorial effort was the 1970 war movie "Kelly's Heroes" starring Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas and Don Rickles.

Final thoughts

Many different sources claim that "High Road to China" was Hollywood's consolation prize to Tom Selleck after he missed out on "Raiders of the Lost Ark." As 'Raiders' fans know Selleck got as far as the screen test wearing Indy's iconic hate and whip before losing out on the role because CBS would not adjust his shooting schedule for the TV detective series "Magnum P.I." It certainly doesn't seem coincidental that Selleck wound up playing an unlikely adventurer in the 1920's in an exotic location with a beautiful sidekick/love interest.

"High Road to China" is an indication of one thing for sure, Hollywood's love of knock offs hasn't changed. Thirty years later Hollywood still looks at one successful movie and attempts to clone it for a quick buck. For every blockbuster that lasts forever ala "Raiders of the Lost Ark" there is a "High Road to China" cynically chasing a buck in the blockbuster wake.

Movie Review 10 To Midnight

10 To Midnight (1983)

Directed by J.Lee Thompsom

Written by J. Lee Thompson

Starring Charles Bronson, Andrew Stevens, Gene Davis, Ola Ray, Kelly Preston

Release Date March 11th, 1983

Published March 11th, 2013 

30 years ago, March 11th 1983, the most talked about movie of the weekend had no Witches or Wizards or magic or wonder. Instead, a 'scummy little sewer of a movie,' "10 to Midnight" packed houses and continued to demonstrate the unlikely star power of a not so handsome brut named Charles Bronson, the man men wanted to be and women didn't mind hiding behind if a killer was coming.

Plot: A nude serial killer (Gene Davis) is stalking the women who've rejected him and offing them in gruesome fashion. Nearly captured by veteran Detective Leo Kessler (Bronson) and his young handsome partner (Andrew Stevens), the killer turns his vengeance on Kessler's daughter setting up a cat and mouse chase between cop and killer that tests the limits of the law and morality.

Review: Roger Ebert called "10 to Midnight" 'a scummy little sewer of a movie' and that's not mere hyperbole. "10 to Midnight" is a revolting little piece of trash that ranks alongside "I Spit on Your Grave" and the oeuvre of Eli Roth in the pantheon of sick and twisted movies. Harsh? Hardly, the film makes great sport of nude women cowering in fear from the killer as well as the killer's penchant for stripping nude to commit his murders. Bronson draws more laughs than drama from his reading of such abysmal dialogue as "Anyone does something like this (gesturing toward a nude stabbing victim), his knife is his penis."

Trivia: "10 To Midnight" features an early performance from Kelly Preston, billed as Kelly Palzis (a savvy career movie Kelly but we recognize you), and a pre-"Thriller" Ola Ray, both playing co-workers of Bronson's daughter.

Final thoughts: Why didn't Andrew Stevens make it as a star? Maybe it was this movie.

The title "10 to Midnight" means absolutely nothing. The title is never even hinted at during the film having apparently been selected at random by producers Menachem Golan and Yuri Globus.

Golan and Globus are two of the all time scuzziest producers in Hollywood history. Their anything for a buck style of movie making led them to release six films in 1983, none more memorable than "10 to Midnight."

Movies have seemingly grown tamer since the early 80's. It hardly seems possible that a movie as sadistic, misogynist, and featuring so much unnecessary naked flesh as "10 to Midnight" would get made in this day and age. Then again, it may also be an example of the evolution of taste; after all audiences once believed a two bit, one note tough guy like Charles Bronson was a star whose presence was worth the price of admission.