Movie Review Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Remake)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

Directed by Marcus Nispel 

Written by Scott Kosar 

Starring Jennifer Biel, Jonathan Tucker, Mike Vogel, Eric Balfour, R. Lee Ermey

Release Date October 17th, 2003 

Published October 15th, 2003 

When I heard they were remaking Texas Chainsaw Massacre, my first thought was, why? It's already been remade a number of times under a number of different titles. Take House of 1000 Corpses, clearly a complete rip-off of Chainsaw, save for the actual use of a chainsaw. How about the backwoods hicks of Wrong Turn, clearly modeled after Leatherface and his lunatic family? Its low budget look and guerilla shooting style have influenced nearly every horror film released in its wake.

Of course, the number of bad sequels that have provided variations on the original characters are in themselves merely re-imaginings of the first film. A remake would have to first justify itself with a reason to do it. The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre fails that test, never once providing a reason why it needs to exist.

It's the same setup as the 1974 original, a group of comely teenagers trekking their way through backwoods Texas on their way to who knows where, there is a vague allusion to a concert in this new version. Jessica Biel of TV's 7th Heaven plays the re-imagined role originally played by Marylin Burns, renamed Erin for the remake. Her friends are Kemper (Eric Balfour), Pepper (Erica Leerhsen), Andy (Mike Vogel) and Morgan (Jonathan Tucker). 

The kids nearly rundown a teenage girl along the desolate highway, wandering too nowhere. They pick her up and she begins babbling about someone being dead and grave warnings about the direction they are driving. Before she can explain anything more, she meets an ugly end at her own hands, it's actually the film's most effectively gory visual. It's all downhill from there, however.

With the dead girl in the backseat, the traumatized teens stop off in Travis County to find help. What they find however is a sadistic, twisted sheriff (R. Lee Ermey) and his equally sadistic and twisted family, including the murderous chainsaw wielding Leatherface (Eric Bryarniarski) who eats teenagers for breakfast... and lunch and dinner as well.

It's been a while since I've seen Tobe Hooper's original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but I can recall it being far more effective than Director Marcus Nispel's slight, slick re-imagining. There was a visceral quality to the original that is greatly lacking in this remake. It's a quality that Nispel tries to make up for by beating the audience senseless with a chase sequence that lasts what seems like hours. The stylized music video slickness is completely at odds with the original film.

The higher production values of the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I gather, are supposedly the justification for the remake. As if trying to answer the unasked question of "What might Tobe Hooper have done with a bigger budget for the original?” Who cares what he might have done, what he did with his miniscule budget is part of the film’s appeal? The low production value and Daniel Pearl's minimalist cinematography are part of horror legend. Pearl returns for the remake and does seem to revel in his newfound technical freedom. However, improving on the look of the original isn't anything anyone asked to see.

The young actors give a good account of themselves in their underwritten victim roles, especially Biel who may have found her niche as a scream queen on par with Jaime Lee Curtis. However, she needs to find herself an original franchise to make her mark in the genre. Somewhere there is a new horror franchise ready to change the genre and directors like Marcus Nispel could better spend their time discovering that new franchise rather than applying modern polish to horror classics like Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Movie Review: Willard

Willard (2003) 

Directed by Glen Morgan 

Written by Glen Morgan 

Starring Crispin Glover, Laura Elena Herring R. Lee Ermey

Release Date March 14th, 2003 

Published March 14th, 2003 

Years ago, Dennis Miller joked that Arab-Israeli peace agreements are about as stable as Crispin Glover. I didn't get the reference at the time but a friend explained that it stemmed from a rather vivid crack up Glover performed in one of his films. After watching Glover's latest film, the rat-filled Willard, I really get the joke.

In Willard, Glover is the titular Willard Stiles. He’s a shy, to the point of aberration, bookish desk jockey at a company once owned by his late father. The company is now run by his father’s ex-partner Mr. Smith (R. Lee Ermey), an evil tyrant who makes a habit of humiliating Willard. Things aren't much better for Willard at home where his rattled mother (Jackie Burroughs) monitors his every move. Constantly nosy and critical, it's not hard to imagine why Willard is so self-hating. And to top it all off Willard has a serious rat infestation in his basement. At first Willard attempts to get rid of the rats but they are a little too clever for his traps. Then Willard captures a little white rat, but rather than get rid of it he forms a bond with the rodent and names him Socrates.

Socrates is Willard's only friend, though a new co-worker played by Mulholland Drive's Laura Elena Herring has, for some unknown reason, taken an interest in Willard. Unfortunately, Willard is too socially retarded to return her interest, preferring instead to bond with Socrates and his rat buddies who are beginning to fill the basement to capacity. One of the rats is a monster that Willard dubs Big Ben. Now of course Ben is just a rat, but because he is so freakishly large the rat communicates a menace that is well played for comedy and horror.

Though things are getting crowded and the rats are coming out of the basement, especially Big Ben, Willard puts up with it and begins training the rats to do his bidding. The rat’s first order of business is to help Willard get revenge on his boss by eating the tires on the boss’s car. From there however, Willard begins to lose control of his little friends and after they start killing, Willard must figure a way to get rid of the rats without becoming dinner himself.

Willard is as you may already know a remake of a 1971 horror cult classic starring Bruce Davison, referenced in this film as Willard's dad. Whether that classifies this film as a sequel or not, I'm not sure. There are reasons to believe it may have been merely an homage to the original by Director Glenn Morgan and partner James Wong. This version of Willard retains the lead character’s name and the names of the originals “lead rats.”

The special effects in Willard are not bad, a mixture of CGI and animatronics makes for effectively creepy looking rodents. Director Glen Morgan seems to have gone to painstaking lengths to make the rats as realistic-looking as possible, including covering the floors with rat droppings for yet another realistic touch.

Ultimately, I didn't get what I was looking for from Willard. I knew going in that it wasn't necessarily a horror film, with many reviews calling it a horror comedy. However the film delivers only a few laughs and fewer scares. I was hoping for a sort of campy cult classic along the lines of the original Willard and it's oddball sequel Ben. Sadly, only a couple of scenes effectively capture that camp mood. One scene with an unfortunate cat that gets dumped in Willard's house is made over-the-top-hilarious by the soundtrack’s employment of Michael Jackson's unbelievably weird tune “Ben.” That scene provides the film’s only solid laughs, unless of course you’re a big fan of cats.

The filmmakers were smart to cast Glover who's skittishness and creepy Goth look plays perfectly against the film’s dark backgrounds. Glover has the look of porcelain in a kiln on the verge of exploding. Unfortunately, the film never establishes a tone or a direction. It's not scary or funny and it's not much of a thriller either. Props to the creators for actually garnering my sympathy for a rat. Willard's favorite, Socrates, is cute and I was surprised to care when he was in danger.

Morgan and Wong, former X-Files producers, and the twisted minds behind the original and far superior Final Destination, never seem to find the tone they were searching for which leaves the film aimless and unfulfilled. It's a shame because I wanted to like this film.