Movie Review Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four (2015) 

Directed by Josh Trank

Written by Josh Trank, Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater

Starring Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell

Release Date August 7th, 2015 

Fantastic 4 is far from fantastic. (Yes, I know how cheesy that line is) This attempt to reboot the franchise following the disaster that was The Silver Surfer, assembled a terrific cast, a rising young director and arguably Hollywood's hottest screenwriter and somehow managed to make a movie that disappoints every audience, fanboys and casual moviegoers. This is a dull-witted origin story that fails that while successfully explaining the origins of the supposed heroes, waits until the final 10 minutes of the movie to make them heroic.

In many ways I feel bad for the team behind the new Fantastic Four. Director Josh Trank has stepped out and actually trashed the movie as it was being released. Trank claims that this isn't the movie that he made and that the movie he made was pretty good as opposed to the movie that we are getting in theaters this weekend. Trank's version of Fantastic Four is a movie we will never get to see. Indeed, Trank isn't wrong, this isn't a very good movie. That said, I wish there had been a slightly more diplomatic approach. 

It's a shame that this has gone the way it has because this Fantastic Four movie features some of the best actors of young Hollywood. The film stars Miles Teller as Reed Richards, Jamie Bell as his best friend Ben Grimm, Kate Mara as Reed's future wife, Sue Storm and the brilliant Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm, Sue's adopted brother. The film follows Reed as he and Ben invent a prototype for a matter transporter. The successful invention leads to them being recruited by Franklin Storm, the father of Johnny and Sue, and the head of a scientific firm. 

What Reed and Ben don't know about their invention is that it is actually a portal to a parallel dimension. When they find out they are disappointed to learn that Franklin intends to send a group of NASA astronauts into this dimension rather than allowing Ben and Reed the chance to go themselves. Being hotshot kids, they recruit Sue and Johnny along with another friend and scientist, named Victor (Toby Kebbell) to join them as they sneak into the lab and make use of their invention. 

The trip goes horribly wrong and results in all five of the young scientists to be mutated. Reed becomes elastic, his body able to stretch to a remarkable degree. Sue becomes invisible, capable of appearing and disappearing at will. Johnny takes on the ability to become fire. He can fly and throw fireballs and it's as cool as it sounds except that he can't yet control his abilities. Poor Ben gets the worst of it all. Ben has been turned to stone. He can still move and breathe, and speak, but he's covered in rock. It does give him superhuman strength but at the expense of his basic humanity. 

The plot then becomes about Reed's guilt over seemingly dooming himself and his closest friends to a life of mutations that they cannot control. After making it back from the other dimension, losing Victor in the process, Reed manages to escape from a military holding facility and runs off to South America. Located a year later, he's taken into custody by Ben who is seemingly Reed's sworn enemy. Sue and Johnny also aid in Reed's capture having had suits developed for them that enable them to control their powers. 

A return to the parallel dimension reveals that Victor not only survived, but he's also built himself a kingdom. His return to this dimension finds him looking to destroy the Earth as he sees it as a threat to his new home. Thus begins an all-out war between the newly teamed Fantastic Four and Victor on Victor's turf as he launches an all-out assault to destroy the planet. And all of it is shot with a muddy, gross, dark aesthetic that renders the action unpleasant to look at. It's also tonally all over the place as the team isn't fully established as a team and only starts to develop chemistry just as the movie is ending. 

Fantastic Four is a gigantic mess and whether that is the fault of a meddling studio or an insecure director deflecting blame is something we can't know for sure. What we can know for sure is the movie makes little sense, appears to have been cobbled together from disparate pieces and is a general embarrassment for all involved. Poor Kate Mara is perhaps taking the brunt of the bad press as the reshoots and her abhorrent wig have become emblematic of the many, many problems plaguing this doomed adaptation. 

But she's not alone, no one gets out of Fantast Four (2015) unscathed. For poor Miles Teller this was a first shot at super-stardom and it has fallen completely to pieces. For Jamie Bell, the chance to have a regular big paycheck from a popular franchise is lost, though being so thoroughly talented and easily employable on the indie film scene is likely a strong comfort for him. As for Michael B. Jordan, he'll probably be fine. Chris Evans survived a disastrous turn as Johnny Storm in this relatively young century, I'm sure Jordan will as well. 

As for director Josh Trank, none of this reflects well on him. While he valiantly proclaims himself the victim and the artist, he's also coming off as petulant, ungrateful, egotistical. He will likely be a hero in parts of the online world for his supposed integrity but that is unlikely to translate into regular work as a director, especially within a studio system eager to weed out the rebels and troublemakers. Having so openly made enemies while making a major franchise film, it seems unlikely we will see him back behind the camera any time soon. 

This review is becoming an autopsy so I will leave it here. This isn't a very good movie. I feel bad for all involved. 

Movie Review This Means War

This Means War (2012) 

Directed by McG 

Written by Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg 

Starring Reese Witherspoon, Tom Hardy, Chris Pratt 

Release Date February 17th, 2012 

Recent to DVD the comedy “This Means War” is a criminally banal comedy starring three exceptional young stars in the hands of a competent but unimaginative director. The story of two spies using their skill and advanced technology as they compete for the heart of the same woman wastes three terrific stars and a solid premise on a series of mild and predictable gags.

Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) has had no luck with men. She moved to Los Angeles to with a man who dumped her soon after she arrived. Since then she has become focused on her job as a product tester and put seeking love on the back burner. Unfortunately for Lauren, her pal Trish won’t let her forget about love; eventually signing her up for online dating.

Through the love seeking website Trish meets Tuck (Tom Hardy), a kind and handsome travel agent. On the same day as her first date with Tuck she also meets FDR (Chris Pine) a jerky ladies man who tries to put the moves on her in a video store. What Lauren doesn’t know is that Tuck and FDR are friends and partners and spies. Soon, the smitten spies begin to compete for Lauren’s heart using the resources at their disposal to gain an intelligence advantage.

The idea of two spies using their spy craft to woo the same woman is wonderfully novel. Unfortunately, director McG doesn’t do anything unpredictable with this idea. Every beat, every joke, every turn of plot in “This Means War” is easy to predict. The plot gives you a great deal to work from and challenges the filmmaker to do something that audiences don’t expect and McG simply never does it.

With these three stars it is inexcusable that “This Means War” is so achingly mediocre. Tom Hardy and Chris Pine are evolving into major movie stars with Hardy starring in “Warrior” and “Inception” and Pine having given new life to Captain Kirk in “Star Trek.” And then there is Reese Witherspoon, arguably the easiest to like actress working today.

Witherspoon is the bright light of the modern romantic comedy. Her unique beauty and quirky approach to generally predictable material never fails to bring something interesting to the table. Even in “This Means War” Witherspoon’s charm is hardly dampened. Unfortunately, even Witherspoon’s charm can’t escape a plot so heavy handed and rote.

It’s not that McG is a bad director; the film is good looking and the story, such as it is, keeps a solid pace. The story logic is as strong as it is novel but the premise needed a touch up. We know from the marketing that these two guys are spies and she doesn’t know it so the film needs to find unique ways for the spies to use their craft. All we get from “This Means War” is people watching other people on hidden cameras.  

Surely there is more that could be done with spies than background checks via the internet and hidden webcams. Sadly, “This Means War” lacks the imagination to come up with anything more. It’s fair to assume that the filmmakers were relying on the stars to sell what they couldn’t but even stars as attractive as these can’t make nothing into something.

In the end what’s really hard to watch about “This Means War” is how truly mediocre it is. The film is well crafted and the stars are attractive but that’s not enough to get the movie past merely watchable. It would be easier for me to dismiss “This Means War” if it were truly bad but the film lingers in memory because it is so remarkably banal; a fact that is almost more offensive than if the film simply stunk. 

Movie Review Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes (2009) 

Directed by Guy Ritchie

Written by Anthony Peckham, Simon Kinberg

Starring Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong, Kelly Reilly

Release Date December 25th, 2009 

Published December 24th, 2009 

I am aware of Sherlock Holmes by pop culture reputation only. I have not read the novels or seen any of the films starring Basil Rathbone, the actor who I am told is the definitive Holmes on screen. My only exposure to the character is through pop cultural osmosis, references made by countless other outlets. I mention this because many others seem to find director Guy Richie's take on the legendary character offensive in some way related to their feelings for what is known of the character.

I can compare it, in a slightly odd way, to how I feel about the faux vampires of Twilight. In my opinion they aren't really Vampires. They walk around during the day, they play baseball, they are about as menacing as a bag of declawed kittens, and they are NOT vampires. I am tied to the classic version of Vampires and admittedly it creates a bias. I have no such bias for or against Sherlock Holmes.

Robert Downey Jr. stars as Sherlock Holmes who, as we join a chase in progress, is running to some sort of showdown. Along with his faithful sidekick Dr. Watson (Jude Law), Holmes has uncovered a secret society that is in the midst of a ritual sacrifice when Holmes and Watson arrive. A brawl ensues, the fair maiden is rescued and the murderous Lord Blackwood (go to bad guy Mark Strong) is apprehended.

Case closed? Hardly. The capture and eventual hanging of Lord Blackwood were all part of Blackwood's devious plot. As he tells a skeptical Holmes, he plans on resurrecting himself and leading a plot to take over the world, restoring England to the status of a world power under his leadership.

Meanwhile, Dr. Watson who has lived and worked with Holmes for years is set to move on. He has met a woman, Mary (Kelly Reilly), and is going to marry her, even if Holmes stands opposed to the idea, which is somewhat unclear but a fun source of tension for the bickering partners.

Back to the plot, on the night of Lord Blackwood's execution, after he confesses his plot to Holmes, Lord Blackwood does rise from the grave causing a massive panic in London. It's up to Holmes and a reluctant Watson to figure out how Blackwood pulled off the resurrection and stop him before he launches his takeover of the country.

Also employed in this plot is Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams), the one only woman ever to draw Holmes' attention away from sleuthing. Irene has recently returned to London with a mysterious benefactor who remains in the shadows but who will no doubt play an important role in future sequels, wink wink.

And really, isn't that all we can expect from Sherlock Holmes, a table setter for future sequels. Honestly, if you were looking for anything other than the beginning of a franchise you were on a fool's errand. Sherlock Holmes is a machine built to create a franchise and on this lowly task it is supremely successful.

The bantering between stars Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. has the potential for greatness, in sequels. The action direction that Director Guy Richie takes these characters in shows potential that could flower in future sequels or become supremely irritating, wait and see. As for this Sherlock, it's like a starter kit for people like me who know Sherlock only by reputation but know the work of Downey and director Guy Richie like old friends.

There is a homey sort of professionalism to the work of both Downey and Richie. They are working at such a level of comfort together that things are at once pitched perfectly to create this character for future sequels and find enough friendly charm in this movie to make you want to see that sequel. Sure, you're being fleeced but in such a fond way, you don't mind so much.

Sherlock Holmes is never anything more than the beginning of a business arrangement between friends. Guy Richie, Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law pitch you these characters, their funny banter, and the idea of Sherlock Holmes: action hero and you sit idle witnessing it and welcoming it. You are agreeing that the sequel is why we are all here and that this is just the pitch.

This will be unsatisfying for some, but for those disposed to the charms of those involved, you won't mind at all. Sherlock Holmes is a welcome introduction to a character and his future endeavors yet to be brought to the screen. If this idea doesn't offend you, you are just the audience for Sherlock Holmes.

Movie Review: Dark Phoenix

Dark Phoenix (2019) 

Directed by Simon Kinberg

Written by Simon Kinberg 

Starring Sophie Turner, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jessica Chastain, Jennifer Lawrence

Release Date June 7th, 2019 

Published June 6th, 2019

Dark Phoenix sadly, isn’t very good in the end. This latest adventure in the X-Men franchise has some quite good moments but the film fails in the end to sustain the good in the face of the bad. Former X-Men screenwriter and producer Simon Kinberg nails a few of the emotional beats, especially the bits about family, but his lack of experience with special effects and his often overly earnest beats are cringeworthy. 

Dark Phoenix picks up the story of the X-Men with the world in a form of detente between humanity and mutant-kind. The goals of Dr Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) have seemingly been achieved and mutants are allowed to live freely and thrive within society. Charles himself, even has a direct line to the President of the United States. Things look quite rosy indeed, even if Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) remains uneasy about the current peace. 

The story kicks in when the space shuttle gets trapped in some sort of energy field in space and slowly begins to be torn apart. The X-Men are called upon to save the astronauts on board and while Mystique finds the mission to be far too big a risk, she goes along with it for the good of the team. Jean Grey (Sophie Turner), senses her friend’s unease but heeds the call of Dr X anyway as lives are on the line and time is short. 

In space, the astronauts appear saved by the X-Men until they realize they had forgotten one of them. In returning to the space shuttle Jean Grey is able to provide the chance for the astronaut and her fellow X-Men to escape but finds herself engulfed by this bizarre and explosive energy form. Despite the power of this energy, Jean is able to absorb it and keep the rest of the X-Men from being harmed. That she emerges seemingly unscathed only serves to set up our real plot. 

Aliens. Yes, aliens are the real plot of Dark Phoenix. Why aliens? Only director Simon Kinberg and a few comic book fans know for sure. All I can say is, this is one of the many missteps of Dark Phoenix. There is zero need for aliens in this plot. Not one bit of the alien baddie played by multiple time Academy Award winner Jessica Chastain, is necessary to the plot of Dark Phoenix. The aliens are perfunctory and dull villains that even Jessica Chastain cannot render intriguing. 

The problem here is that Dark Phoenix already had a really great villain: Jean Grey. The desire to not allow Jean to be the big bad of Dark Phoenix is a huge failure. There is no need for aliens, Jean has all of the conflict, all of the power-mad vengeance, all of the deeply personal demons to explore. Make Jean Grey become consumed by Phoenix, let her wreak havoc and divide the X-Men into factions of Jean needs to be stopped for the good of the world and Jean is not really bad and can be reasoned with. 

That plot has all of the complex emotions necessary for a strong dramatic arc. Have Nicholas Hoult’s Beast join forces with Michael Fassbender’s Magneto in the kill Jean side of the argument and have Charles and Cyclops on the ‘there is still good in Jean’ sde of the argument and see where this plot goes from there. Chastain and her alien buddies merely muddy the water and get in the way. The plot does not need them and the superfluous nature of these unneeded villains drags down Dark Phoenix. 

The other thing that prevents Dark Phoenix from soaring are some seriously silly looking special effects. The effects in Dark Phoenix are rubbery and exist on the wrong side of the uncanny valley. The effect that allows Lawrence’s Mystique and Hoult’s Beast, to morphe endlessly from human and mutant comes off as cheesy in Dark Phoenix. The effect looks like something Windows Paint might have produced in the early part of this decade. 

I realize that Dark Phoenix is set in 1992 but that doesn’t mean the special effects have to look like 1992. Our eyes and our expectations for CGI and practical effects have become more keen, jaded, desirous of things that make a movie appear seamless. Dark Phoenix is far from seamless. The rubbery texture of the effects of Dark Phoenix make the movie look low rent and, at times, make the movie look like a parody of itself. 

I’ve been awfully hard on Dark Phoenix so let’s wrap up by talking about a few of the good things about Dark Phoenix. I really enjoyed the backstory and the developing traumas of Jean Grey. Sophie Turner has come a long way from her rough and uneven performance in X-Men Apocalypse. Given a meaty role to chew on in Dark Phoenix, Turner is impressive. The fierceness of her charisma sells the agony at the heart of Jean Grey. 

I also enjoyed the psychology of Dark Phoenix, the ways in which the film depicts trauma in Jean is very real and complicated and quite moving at times. When Dark Phoenix forgets about the aliens and focuses the attention on Jean and the growing tensions among the X-family, Dark Phoenix begins to get good. What a shame then when the lame effects and those darn aliens swing back into the plot and mess things up. 

I don’t have a strong dislike for Dark Phoenix, Sophie Turner is far too compelling for me to completely dismiss the movie. Sadly, I can’t recommend Dark Phoenix because too much of the rest of the movie is laughably unnecessary, especially those cheesy aliens. We already have mutants, why do the producers of Dark Phoenix insist upon aliens? The story is Jean Grey, not Jessica Chastain acting well below her remarkable talent and stature. 

Movie Review Jumper

Jumper (2008) 

Directed by Doug Liman 

Written by David S. Goyer, Simon Kinberg, Jim Uhls 

Starring Hayden Christensen, Jamie Bell, Rachel Bilson, Kristen Stewart, Michael Rooker, Anna Sophia Robb, Diane Lane, Samuel L. Jackson 

Release Date February 14th, 2008

Published February 13th, 2008

David Rice (Hayden Christensen) can be anywhere he imagines in a moment's notice. Surfing in Hawaii, lunching atop the sphinx, or across his apartment without having to step around the coffee table, David has the ability "Jump" anywhere. It's a cool talent to have. David uses this unique talent to rob banks. Don't fret, he leaves IOU's. That is the premise of Jumper the latest from director Doug Liman starring the perpetually quivery Hayden Christenson.

As a teenager David Rice fell through the thin ice of a lake and was nearly killed. At the last moment he imagined the local library and was transported there. Slowly coming to grips with this new ability to go anywhere he wants with a single thought, David starts by using his new ability to escape his angry bitter father (Michael Rooker). Needing a getaway location, David takes off for New York and is soon robbing banks to finance a comfortable lifestyle. It is then that he meets Roland Cox (Samuel L. Jackson) who is some kind of supernatural cop. Roland explains the plot, David is a Jumper and Roland is a Paladin. Paladin's hunt Jumpers and kill them.

Narrowly escaping his paladin encounter, David meets a fellow Jumper named Griffin (Jamie Bell) and is warned that Paladins will kill everyone he has ever known in their attempt to find him. This leads David back home and to the girl who he left behind, Millie (Rachel Bilson). While David watches out for the Paladins, he and Millie rekindle their childhood romance. Once the Paladins arrive however, it kicks off a worldwide war between Jumpers and Paladins. 

It's not a bad comic book premise really. The problem is it's underdeveloped as a movie. The rules for Jumpers and Paladins are vague and are sloppily made up as the movie goes. along. Rules then are disregarded when the plot requires them to be. The idea is merely a hanger on which director Doug Liman and his effects team can hang a number of huge special effects shots and a travelogue of worldwide locations from Tokyo to London to Rome to whatever other touristy location a majority of the audience might recognize. The effects aren't bad, for the most part, but who cares. If I wanted to watch the world go by I would watch the Travel Channel.

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: X-Men The Last Stand

X-Men The Last Stand (2006) 

Directed by Brett Ratner 

Written by Simon Kinberg, Zak Penn 

Starring Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Patrick Stewart, Kelsey Grammer, Elliot Page, Shawn Ashmore

Release Date May 26th, 2006

Published May 25th, 2006 

Director Brett Ratner is a hack. That is the reputation he has earned over a career of nine features including two Rush Hour films (and soon a third), Red Dragon, The Family Man and After The Sunset. Each of these are examples of the basic mainstream formula pictures that few would call innovative or relevant. Ratner is a mainstream showman who works only from studio approved genre templates and thus, the label of hack, is appropriate. 

Ratner's style is safe, conventional and boring. So it was quite understandable that when Ratner was hired to direct the third film in the X-Men series, X-Men The Last Stand, longtime fans gnashed their teeth and prayed to whatever mutant god that controls such matters that Ratner not be allowed to screw up their beloved franchise too much. The fans prayers have been answered, for the most part. Though X-Men: The Last Stand has plot holes you could drive a truck through and cringe inducing moments unsuitable to the franchise, Ratner has not screwed the thing up too bad. Actually it's not that bad at all.

X3 turns on the idea that a wealthy industrialist has discovered a cure for the mutant X gene. It's a revelation that rocks the burgeoning mutant community at a time when a tentative peace had come between mutants and humans. The President of the United States (Josef Summer) even has created a dept. of mutant affairs headed up by a mutant, Dr. Hank McCoy aka Beast (Kelsey Grammer). The cure while good for some mutants is a divisive and even deadly issue for others.

Standing against the cure is Magneto (Ian McKellen) who, with his brotherhood of mutants, including Mystique (Rebecca Romijn) and Pyro (Aaron Stanford), plans to use the cure as a rallying cry for mutants to renew the war against humanity. Then there are our heroes the X-Men. Conflicted and confused, most are opposed to the idea that mutants are in need of a cure but against any kind of war with humanity, the X-Men are caught dead set in the middle.

In the midst of the controversy the X-Men face an even bigger crisis. Jean Grey (Famke Janssen), thought dead after the last major X-Men conflict, is alive but she is no longer the Jean Grey the team once knew. Her near death experience has released her secondary personality known as the Phoenix, a being of unimaginable and uncontrollable power and rage. With war on the horizon and Jean Grey an even greater danger than that war, X-Men The Last Stand is bursting at the seams with plot. 

Throw in the introductions of several long awaited X-Men characters and you can understand the herculean task that Director Brett Ratner endured in making X-Men The Last Stand. That X3 is as coherent as it is with all of that plot and so many characters is a credit to Ratner. Not that I can let him off the hook completely for the films many flaws but even the biggest Ratner hater out there must cut the guy some slack for the sheer massiveness of X-Men The Last Stand.

Where Ratner succeeds in X3 is in crafting some serious blockbuster action scenes. A fight with Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) and Storm (Halle Berry) facing down Magneto's brotherhood, including Pyro and new members including the super strong Juggernaut (a massively muscled up Vinny Jones) and the empathic speed demon Callisto (Dania Ramirez), is terrific, fast paced action and a terrific lead up to the films most shocking moment.

The ending is the films strongest moment as Wolverine is forced to face off with Jean Grey/Phoenix as she prepares to destroy the entire planet. The scene is exciting and emotional incorporating massive special effects and the entwined histories of these two characters into one powerhouse scene. Predominant amongst the films flaws however, are the younger X-Men, especially Shawn Ashmore as Iceman. The dewey eyed teenage Iceman is an emotional cypher who lacks power and presence. Iceman's main plot function is as the opposing element to Aaron Stanford's Pyro but since Stanford is also an underwhelming presence their time together onscreen is forgettable at best.

The less said about Iceman's romantic triangle subplot with Anna Paquin's Rogue and Elliot Page's Kitty Pride (the girl who can run through walls) the better. I could go on for several more paragraphs picking apart the flaws of X-Men The Last Stand even though I honestly believe that the good outweighs the bad. Brett Ratner's work is not exactly a masters class in direction but it is competent and professional and even thrilling when it really needs to be. The performances of the leads Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry are as good as they have been in the first two films with Jackman's wit becoming more prominent each time out. His work here makes talk of a Wolverine stand alone franchise something to look forward to.

Kelsey Grammer even cuts a surprisingly strong action hero figure as Beast. Fans of the comics have long looked forward to seeing the blue haired monster Dr. Hank McCoy with his unique combination of super strength, agility and erudite intelligence. Embodied by Kelsey Grammer, Beast has the gravitas of Dr. Frasier Crane combined with agility and strength of a classic comic book character. If you can put aside the flaws and concentrate on the terrific performances and often exceptional action scenes and shocking surprises of X-Men The Last Stand you will have a great time. X-Men The Last Stand is big time summer blockbuster entertainment.