Movie Review: War Inc

War Inc (2008) 

Directed by Joshua Seftel

Written by John Cusack, Mark Leyner, Jeremy Pikser

Starring John Cusack, Hillary Duff, Marisa Tomei, Dan Akroyd

Release Date May 23rd, 2008

Published November 12th, 2008

Mention the plot of War, Inc. and inevitably people flash back to the cult classic Grosse Point Blank. That was the last time that John Cusack played a black clad hetmans who is re-humanized by falling in love. War, Inc. finds Cusack once again as a black clad hit man, cold blooded when we meet him but neurotic enough that a good woman could straighten him out and make him  a better man. So why does Grosse Point Blank work so very well and War, Inc. fail? Read on dear reader.

In War, Inc. John Cusack plays Brand Hauser, a hit man on hire by corporations for military assassinations. You see, in this future world there are no more countries or states of power, only corporations with their own agendas and military arms. One of these unnamed corporations is run by a former Vice President (Dan Akroyd) who looks strangely familiar with his thinning white hair and sailor talk.

The former VP has hired Brand to go to one of the -Istan countries where war has brought peace and hardcore capitalism, at least within the safety of the countries largest city. Outside that safe zone the strife and death is rather horrifying. Brand is sent in to kill a leader of a different country who wants to build an oil pipeline without the aid of the corporation.

Brand's cover is that he is a producer behind a huge international trade show meant to show the world the importance of capitalism and corporate branding. The signature event of the show will be a western style marriage for the countries top pop star Yonica Babyyeah (Hillary Duff). Hauser is to kill his target and make sure the wedding comes off without a hitch, but why does the pop star freak him out so much?

Meanwhile, Hauser becomes infatuated with a crusading journalist who wants to expose what is happening beyond the safety of the so called Emerald Zone. She is Natalie (Marisa Tomei) and though she suspects Hauser is just playing her off to keep her from writing what she wants she eventually see's the wounded man-child he truly is, as well as his darker side.

War, Inc. is the brainchild of writers Mark Leyner and Jeremy Pikser and director Joshua Seftel who envision a future not entirely unlike the imaginings of a William Gibson or Phillip K. Dick. The movie has all of the paranoia and subtext of classic sci fi without the actual sci-fi. It's a deeply cynical, dyspeptic take on our current government and it's approach to the middle east without the subtlety that made Gibson or Dick so brilliant.

All of the punches thrown by War, Inc. in the direction of the Bush Administration foreign policy are obvious and relatively unfunny. Even if you agree that corporate greed and our current foreign policy are scary, the shots taken at them in War, Inc. are too obvious and heavy handed to draw anything more than a smile of recognition. 

John Cusack is both a clear choice for this role and a strange one. He fits the role like a glove but it's because he's played it before and far better than this. What is there to differentiate this hit man from his Grosse Point Blank hit man? A name? They have the same philosophy, killing without the interference of state or ideology.

They have the same neuroses as well, Martin deals with his in therapy, Brand with long talks with his On Star rep in his Humvee. Brand does have the quirk of drinking hot sauce but most of the major differences don't work in this movies favor. Where Grosse Point Blank was sly and stylish with a kickass soundtrack, War, Inc. is lumbering, predictable and heavy-handed.

War, Inc. wants to be edgy, violent satire. Instead we get a cynical, predictable trip through the muck of a muddy satire taking obvious shots at broad as a barn topics and missing as often as it hits. John Cusack remains a charismatic presence and Hillary Duff has never been this good but they are lost and adrift in this smug, wannabe satire.

Why rent this John Cusack hit man movie when you could get Grosse Point Blank?

Movie Review: Cheaper by the Dozen

Cheaper by the Dozen (2003) 

Directed by Shawn Levy 

Written by Sam Harper, Joel Cohen, Alec Sokolow 

Starring Steve Martin, Paula Marshall, Richard Jenkins, Bonnie Hunt, Tom Welling, Hillary Duff

Release Date December 25th, 2003 

Published December 21st, 2003

I should have seen this coming. The warning signs were there. A preview screening nearly a month before the film’s release. A script adaptation credited to eight--yes, I said eight--writers. And a director who aspires to mediocrity because mediocre would be an improvement over what he's done before. Nevertheless, I still happily attended the screening of Cheaper By The Dozen because I thought Steve Martin can't possibly make a film that bad. I could not have been more wrong.

The plot description for this film is somewhat difficult because it's essentially a series of sub-sitcom level moments of family comedy. Martin stars as a football coach in a small Illinois town. He and his wife, played by Bonnie Hunt (also one of the eight credited writers), are unique because they were high school sweethearts who have been married for 22 years, and they have 12 children. Their family farm house is an absolute mess of toys and small animals and sporting equipment. Meanwhile, each of the kids have a handy little quirk to help us tell them apart. The archetypes are classic ABC TGIF kids: the tomboy, the prissy one, the really smart one, the fat kid and so on and so forth. It saves the time of having to write 12 individual characters.

The plot, such as it is, has Martin's character accepting a new job at a big college. So, the family packs up and moves to a Chicago suburb where they meet their neighbors, played by Alan Ruck and Paula Marshall. (Poor Marshall has the thankless task of playing the only-in-the-movies type of bitch character that says horribly insensitive things and will get her comeuppance by the end of the film.) However Marshall isn't nearly as abused as poor Richard Jenkins. Slumming from his role as the coolest dead guy on TV on HBO's Six Feet Under, Jenkins play Martin's best friend and new boss who is required to be inhumanly stupid. It is poor Mr. Jenkins’ character who forces Martin to choose between his job and his 12 kids. Well golly, what do you think he will choose?

Hunt's character writes a book about her family that lands on the bestseller list, forcing her to leave the family for a few days for a book tour. Golly, do you think dad can handle taking care of all of those kids by himself? I don't know about you, but I think we’re in for hijinks here. The kids trash a neighbor’s birthday party by accidentally releasing a snake in the house. Again it's poor Marshall who takes the brunt of that beating.

Oh it gets worse.

Teen stars Hillary Duff and Tom Welling play the family's two older children. In adjusting to their new high school, these two actors who look like fashion models are required by the script to be outcasts at their new school. It reminded me of the movie She's All That where Rachel Leigh Cook was considered a nerd because she wore glasses and baggy clothes, except that Welling and Duff never look like anything but the Gap models they are in real life.

Martin stretches and strains all over the screen trying to make this forced, stupid material work and the strain shows in every moment of the film. If you thought his Bringing Down The House character was forced, you will be shocked that this character is actually worse.

Director Shawn Levy cut his teeth on Nickelodeon and Disney Channel TV series’ until getting his big break directing 2003's very first worst movie of the year, Just Married. So how fitting that he should bookend 2003 with its final worst movie of the year. Cheaper By The Dozen is an awful movie. A sub-Brady Bunch sitcom, full of forced jokes and cheap contrived melodrama.

In the words of my hero, Roger Ebert, who used this phrase to sum up his feelings about the film North, "I HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED, HATED THIS MOVIE".