Movie Review The Pope's Exorcist

The Pope's Exorcist (2023) 

Directed by Julius Avery

Written by Michael Petroni, Evan Spiliotopoulos 

Starring Russell Crowe, Daniel Zovatto, Alex Essoe, Franco Nero 

Release Date April 14th, 2023 

Published April 15th, 2023 

The Pope's Exorcist is a very silly movie that doesn't know it's a very silly movie. That makes it one of my favorite movies of 2023 so far. I love a good unironic bad movie. The makers of The Pope's Exorcist appear to be earnestly attempting to entertain and failing by being as mediocre and misconceived as possible. It's as if we know that the movie is doomed but the people making it are entirely clueless and we can't warn them, we can only marvel at the bad decisions that led them to so earnestly and obviously fail at their intended goal. 

From the moment that star Russell Crowe. now fully into his Orson Welles, Frozen Peas period, sits himself on a little Vespa, The Pope's Exorcist is doomed to induce snarky giggles. Who thought that having him on a scooter for the entire movie was a good idea? From there however, it's all downhill. The Pope's Exorcist appears to have been a failed script for a cop drama that was reworked into being about an exorcist who works for the pope. 

Crowe's Father Amorth is your classic Cop who plays by his own rules, occasionally working outside the law to get his suspect. The Pope, played by Franco Nero, is the Chief who does what he can to keep the heat off of his rogue cop because despite his flaws, he gets the job done. Then there is a Papal Internal Affairs panel that threatens to take away Father Amorth's badge if he doesn't start, I don't know, exorcising demons inside the boundaries of Papal law? Maybe. 

Naturally, the next big case for Father Amorth will put him to his biggest test as he uncovers corruption inside the church. In this case, the truth of the Spanish Inquisition is hidden in the bowels of an Abbey that belongs to a troubled family. Alex Essoe plays a mother of two, a teenager played by Laurel Marsden, and her silent little brother, Henry )Peter DeSouza-Feighoney), who remains deeply traumatized after nearly dying in the accident that killed his father. 

This trauma makes the boy susceptible to a demon when his family moves to this Spanish Abbey with plans to fix it up and flip it. The demon escapes a tomb in the basement, possesses Henry and calls for Father Amorth to fight, but not before he helps introduce another cop movie trope in this not-a-cop movie. Through Henry's possession, we meet a rookie Priest on his first case, Father Esquibel, played by Daniel Zovatto. When he proves to be no match for the demon, he takes on the role of Father Amorth's rookie partner. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media

Movie Review The Chronicles of Narnia The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

The Chronicles of Narnia Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

Directed by Michael Apted

Written by Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely, Michael Petroni

Starring Georgie Henley, Will Poulter, Skandar Keynes, Ben Barnes, Tilda Swinton

Release Date December 10th, 2010 

Published December 9th, 2010

The struggle to bring “The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” based on the 3rd book in C.S Lewis’s popular series, has been troubled not by poor creative effort but by the perils of Hollywood business. After “The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe” debuted in 2005 to terrific reviews and boffo box office, “The Chronicles of Narnia” was seen by Disney and Walden Media, a Harry Potter-esque cash cow.

Then, the struggles of “Prince Caspian” began. Though the film sailed into production with writer-director Andrew Adamson having completed the screenplay while filming Lion, upon release Caspian was seen as a box office failure with a mere 141 million dollars at the North American box office.

Caspian was not helped by critics who lambasted the film as a shallow follow-up to the well liked first film in the series. Prospects for “Voyage of the Dawn Treader” ever reaching the screen seemed dim after Disney chose not to move ahead on the project in 2008. Then, miraculously, 20th Century Fox snapped the series up and set out to re-energize the franchise. Whether the effort works at the box office we will see but the artistic rebirth is accomplished as ‘Dawn Treader’ returns the magic of The “Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.”

It’s been three years since Lucy (Georgie Henley) and Edmund (Skandor Keynes) have been to Narnia, the magical realm of the regal Lion Aslan (Liam Neeson), with their brother Peter and sister Susan. The oldest of the Pevensie children have moved on (actors William Mosley and Anna Popplewell do make cameos here) while Lucy and Edmund remain in England, living with the family of their irksome cousin Eustace (Will Poulter).

While they await word of when they can rejoin their family, Lucy and Edmund also patiently await a return to Narnia where they but not their siblings can return only once more. That chance comes when a magical painting begins moving and a ship somehow appears on the horizon. Soon, the painting begins to come to life and when Eustace attempts to pull it off the wall, all three children find themselves engulfed and emerging in Narnia.

Waiting for Lucy, Edmund and Tagalong Eustace is the Dawn Treader, the first ship in the Narnian army and the current home of King Caspian (Ben Barnes). Caspian welcomes the kids aboard and an adventure begins to retrieve the Seven Lords whose magic swords will lift a curse that has plunged part of Narnia into darkness.

Alongside the main plot is also a quest to find the Utter East, the land of Aslan. Reepicheep (voice of Simon Pegg) the valiant mouse warrior hopes to voyage to Aslan’s land as his final adventure while Caspian believes he may find his father there.

Director Michael Apted, who picked up the reigns from Andrew Adamson, now an executive producer, brings a clear focus to the story of ‘Dawn Treader.” Where “Prince Caspian'' was weighed down by a great deal of exposition; so much that the film never picked up speed and prodded to a dull conclusion, “Dawn Treader” begins with a brief character reset and quickly we are aboard the glorious ship and away for adventure.

“Voyage of the Dawn Treader'' bounces swiftly from set piece to set piece with a clear eyed purpose, and is aided greatly by the best effects work of the series courtesy of Moving Picture Company and Framestore CFC, with an assist from the legendary WETA Workshop (LOTR). Michael Apted takes command of this franchise, gives it an epic scope, a sharp, dynamic look and even a surprisingly light heart.

The humor of “Voyage of the Dawn Treader” is a direct rebuke to the bullish self seriousness of the dreary “Prince Caspian.” “Son of Rambow” star Will Poulter does much of the comic heavy lifting as the nettlesome cousin Eustace. In his first Narnian outing, and possibly not his last, Poulter deftly plays Eustace’s refusal to believe what is happening around him for great laughs while setting us up for a terrific character turn with a surprisingly poignant pay off.

Much of “Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader” comes as a surprise. No, the makers have not managed to make Ben Barnes any less wooden as Caspian or made the religious overtones any less burdensome but what Michael Apted does is lessen the issues by making all around them better. Better effects, better story, better pace; just about everything in Dawn Treader is better, even than “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.”

Yes, it is a rare occurrence but this, the third Narnia movie, is the best of the series. Top notch action and effects and a director fully in control of all the aspects of epic, popcorn moviemaking have resurrected a dying franchise. The box office will make the final decision but from an artistic perspective “The Chronicles of Narnia” have begun again and the newly in charge Mr. Apted has me anticipating another adventure in “The Silver Chair.”

Movie Review The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys

The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys (2002) 

Directed by Peter Care 

Written by Michael Petroni 

Starring Kieran Culkin, Emile Hirsch, Jena Malone, Jodie Foster 

Release Date June 14th, 2002 

Published November 10th, 2002 

What is your favorite childhood memory? For me it was making out with my first girlfriend Dawn. I was 12; she was 11 and every Tuesday her mother would bring her over while she played cards with my parents. Dawn and I would sneak off to a gorgeous spot right on the Mississippi River bank. The Dangerous Lives Of Altar Boys is one of those films that will make you nostalgic for your childhood, your first love, your best friends, and those moments that only you and those childhood friends will remember.

The film centers around four friends, Tim (Kieran Culkin), Francis (Emile Hirsch), Wade (Jake Richardson) and Joey (Tyler Long). The focus is on their love of comic books and their loathing of their catholic school teacher Sister Assumpta (Jodie Foster). The boys visualize themselves as comic book superheroes and their fantasies are played out in cartoon vignettes throughout the film. Things begin to change for the boys as Francis begins his first relationship with a girl, Margie, played by the lovely Jena Malone. As Francis and Margie's relationship grows, his friends’ sense they are losing their best friend, Tim especially feels he is losing his best friend.

As a way of reasserting their friendship, Tim gets an idea to take revenge on Sister Assumpta for all the trouble she has caused them. The elaborate plan calls for the guys to steal a cougar from a local zoo and unleash it in Sister Assumpta's office. Francis, Wade and Joey go along at first not realizing how serious Tim is about his over the top revenge scheme. In the meantime, Francis is dealing with Margie and her very serious home issues including alleged sexual abuse by her older brother who is a classmate of Francis.

The shocking details of the abuse would seem to be more than any teenager could deal with but Francis isn't an average teenager. Francis reacts to the many revelations from Margie at first like anyone would but his limitless kindness and gentle nature lead him to more philosophical conclusions than you would expect from someone his age. For the most part Francis retreats into his comic fantasies, incorporating his real life torments into his comic drawings and stories.

The film travels a twisted road of comedy and drama and is quite reminiscent of the movie Stand By Me in it's camaraderie between these four young guys and their ever quickening emotional growth. A tragedy near the end of the film makes sense emotionally and intellectually rather than seeming like a shallow heart string tug.

In the hands of a less skilled director, this material could have been a treacle mess. Veteran video director Peter Care, who has worked with the likes of REM, treads the line between smart comedy and drama very carefully. Care never allows his teenage characters to seem smarter than the adult types we get in so many other teen comedies and especially on TV.

Hirsch’s performance really made an impact on me. Looking like the younger brother of Adrien Grenier with his round soulful eyes and olive skin, Hirsch's look projects a budding intelligence necessary to make characters like Francis work. It is a great time for Independent film. My top ten end of the year list is likely to be dominated by them. Will The Dangerous Lives Of Altar Boys be on that list? We will see, it will surely come close.

Movie Review Queen of the Damned

Queen of the Damned (2002) 

Directed by Michael Rymer 

Written by Scott Abbott, Michael Petroni 

Starring Aaliyah Stuart Townsend, Marguerite Moreau, Paul McGann, Vincent Perez

Release Date February 22nd, 2002 

Published February 21st, 2002 

As I get further away from having seen Queen of the Damned I get more and more annoyed as I realize what a missed opportunity this film is. After having seen this film I find that it could have been made without the Queen of the Damned character and been a far better film. It would probably need a new title. but nevertheless.

Stuart Townsend takes over the role so well inhabited by Tom Cruise in Interview with the Vampire, the role of the vampire Lestat. After sleeping for a number of years, Lestat begins to sense a change in the world that may allow him to walk among the masses, in the open, as a vampire. His opportunity is in the entertainment biz as a Goth rock star.

Lestat finds a band living in his old New Orleans castle but rather than kill them he uses them as his backup band and becomes a huge rock star. Lestat wants everyone to know that he is a vampire, whether anyone believes him or not is up to them. His celebrity doesn't sit well with his vampire brethren who follow a strict code of secrecy. There is more trouble for Lestat because his music has caused the resurrection of Akasha, the queen of the damned (Aaliyah).

Akasha wants world domination and for Lestat to be her King. Lestat, never one for being a kept man, soon chafes under Akasha's attention and conflict arises. All of this is paralleled by the story of a vampire historian named Jessie (Marguerite Moreau) who is obsessed with becoming a vampire and rejoining her family. She sees Lestat as someone who would be willing to help her.

The film would like us to follow Lestat as the wounded antihero, but how could anyone with a conscience identify with Lestat? It's hardly possible but Stuart Townsend's performance is nearly seductive enough to make the audience put aside their morals and follow him.

As for Aaliyah, she suffers from playing a character that is badly drawn and comes off as unnecessary as compared to the missed opportunity in the film. She was saddled with a bad script and because she died just as the film was in post production her brother was called in to dub her voice which may explain the over the top vocalizing.

There is an opportunity here to make a fantastic movie, but not like what ended up on the screen. For one, drop the Queen. The far more interesting story is Lestat the rock star. Think about it, a vampire rock star. Is it just a gimmick? Fans don't know that he really is a vampire. His manager has to cover up all the girls he kills. And for breaking the code of secrecy he's being hunted by other vampires. Much like 2001's Shadow Of the Vampire, where Willem Dafoe plays a vampire playing a vampire in a movie, while John Malkovich as the director tries to cover it up to finish the movie.

Lestat could have done a more modern satire of the same story. The opportunity for satire of the record industry, fandom and celebrity is endless. Unfortunately we will never see that movie and what we're left with in The Queen Of The Damned is a shallow, listless waste of film.