Movie Review: The Whole Ten Yards

The Whole Ten Yards (2004) 

Directed by Howard Deutch 

Written by George Gallo 

Starring Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet, Natasha Henstridge 

Release Date April 7th, 2004

Published April 7th, 2004 

The Whole Ten Yards is the perfect example of why we hate most sequels. Whereas sequels such as the Star Wars episodes, Matrix or Kill Bill Volume 2 are natural extensions of their originators, most sequels are greedy attempts to capitalize on a previous success. The Whole Ten Yards would not exist without the success of the first film, it exists solely because of the greed of the producers and has no artistic aspiration whatsoever.

Rejoining the story of dentist Oz Oseransky (Matthew Perry) and his wife Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge), we find the happy couple in Los Angeles where Oz has fortified there home. He skittishly awaits mob reprisal for the death of Yanni Gogolak (Kevin Pollak). Cynthia is terribly annoyed of Oz’s constant fear and longs for the adventurousness of her ex-husband Jimmy “The Tulip” Tudeski (Bruce Willis).

Unknown to Oz, Cynthia has been in contact with Jimmy who is hiding out in Mexico with his new wife Jill (Amanda Peet). The two have settled into domesticity with Jill doing the contract killing and Jimmy becoming Martha Stewart. However it might be that Jimmy’s new attitude is all a ruse as he and Cynthia concoct a plan centered on the prison release of mob boss Lazlo Gogloak (Yanni’s brother, also played by Kevin Pollak). There’s something about Lazlo having $280 million dollars and Jimmy and Cynthia inventing a way to steal it, but the plot and the film as a whole are horribly convoluted.

Director Howard Deutch knows bad retreads having directed unnecessary sequels to Grumpy Old Men and The Odd Couple. Deutch brings nothing new or interesting to his work in The Whole Ten Yards except a relaxed attitude toward improvisation by his cast. The cast must have needed the improv if only to entertain themselves.

The cast is the film’s one strength. Perry, Willis, Henstridge and Peet have great chemistry and obviously enjoy working together. The obviously improvised moments are far funnier than anything in the script is. Amanda Peet is especially wonderful as Jill who is desperate for her first real contract killing after a number of spectacular failures. Peet was the best thing about the first film as well, which many people will only remember for her spectacular breasts.

Thanks to the cast, The Whole Ten Yards is not a complete disaster. Sadly, even as talented as the cast is, they can’t save this threadbare comic premise. They especially can’t overcome the obvious cynicism behind the film’s creation. I’m giving the film a four, one star for each of the principle cast members.

Movie Review My Best Friend's Girl

My Best Friend's Girl (2008) 

Directed by Howard Deutch

Written by Jordan Kahan 

Starring Dane Cook, Kate Hudson, Jason Biggs, Lizzy Kaplan, Alec Baldwin

Release Date September 19th, 2008

Published September 19th, 2008 

Picture in your mind's eye Kate Hudson. Blonde and beautiful with a screwball quality that she got from her mom Goldie Hawn. Now imagine Jason Biggs. The pie guy from American Pie. Twitchy, neurotic far from conventionally handsome. Considering his most recent roles, gay/not gay in Over Her Dead Body, 12 bananna to Paul Walker and a bunch of dogs in Eight Below.

To believe the premise of the new romantic comedy My Best Friend's Girl you have to buy the idea that Hudson and Biggs could ever have been a couple. Then again, if this were the only contrivance of this insulting and stupid comedy, things might not be so dismal.

In My Best Friend's Girl Jason Biggs plays Dusty, a whiny, needy little dweeb who somehow has for five weeks been the steady companion of Kate Hudson's Alexis. After Dusty takes her out to an expensive dinner and fumblingly confesses his love for her Alexis finally realizes just how much time she has wasted. She dumps him.

Returning home, Dusty confides in his roommate Tank (Dane Cook). What luck for Dusty that his roommate has a side business being a misogynist a-hole to depressed women. Tank's gig is going out with girls who have just dumped douchebags, cheaters and jerks. Tank takes the girls out, is a complete pig and the girls go crying back to the ex's who look kind and wonderful by comparison.

So Dusty hires Tank to work his anti-magic on Alexis and.....

If you don't already know where this is going you should consider your mental health alternatives. The plot could not be more insultingly predictable if it were a Dane Cook stand up routine. Directed by Howard Deutsch, who was once the gentle, thoughtful director of Pretty In Pink and Some Kind of Wonderful, My Best Friend's Girl grinds through an achingly conventional plot attempting to liven things up by allowing Cook's Tank to ratchet up his sociopathy.

Apparently we are supposed to find Tank endearing in the same way we found Will Smith's Hitch charming. Both characters are all about helping guys in need right? Yup, they are really alike. Except that Hitch is played by Will Smith with the charm and warmth of.. well Will freaking Smith. Tank is played by Dane Cook in his typically spastic, unpleasant fashion.

As a stand up comic Dane Cook masks bad jokes behind the veneer of gangliness. spasming limbs and pseudo-clever catchphrases. Invariably, ask a Cook fan, usually college age and female, why he is so funny and they will reply that he is "hot". There is no denying that at over 6 feet tall, muscled up and insanely self confident, Cook knows how to draw people to him.

That appeal however has yet to find a film forum. Instead, the roles Dane Cook plays inevitably feel like roles Adam Sandler turned down. He has never seemed natural or comfortable on screen. He strains for every punchline, much like his physical begging for laughs in his stand up, and hides very often behind broad misogynistic or gag reflex humor.

Don't believe the misogynist thing? In My Best Friend's Girl, like the worst of Sandler's shtick, every woman is excitedly in love with Cook. It doesn't matter what a dirtball he is, every woman on screen is commanded to swoon over him. This is the ego of the misogynist. And while some of you will dismiss it as harmless, I worry about the message we are sending to the young girls growing up as Dane Cook fans.

My Best Friend's Girl has an unexpressed bitter sadness to it. The premise is hate filled and desperate and then forces itself toward a saccharine happy ending. Howard Deutsch should know better. Then again, he has directed 3 sequels to films where he did not direct the original. He has developed into a hack and saddled with an awful script and Dane Cook in the cast the writing was on the wall from production day 1.

Kate Hudson's career meltdown is too sad to consider while Jason Biggs is just pathetic. Dane Cook however is a disaster. He was already not very funny. Asked to play a jerk character only amplifies the qualities that make him unwatchable.