Movie Review Father Figures

Father Figures (2017) 

Directed by Lawrence Sher

Written by Justin Malen 

Starring Owen Wilson, Ed Helms, J.K Simmons, Katt Williams, Terry Bradshaw, Ving Rhames, Glenn Close, Christopher Walken

Release Date December 22nd, 2017

Was there a gun to someone’s head forcing them to make the movie Father Figures? I am struggling to understand how this movie exists. Father Figures stars Ed Helms and Owen Wilson as twins, we’ll get to that, who go on a road trip to visit men who may or may not be their biological father. The film seems to have been slapped together without much thought or care or with any semblance of humor.

Father Figures stars Owen Wilson as Kyle and Ed Helms as Peter. Kyle is a surfer bum who did some modeling as a younger man and lucked into a long-term gig as a beer spokesman. Life has always come quite easily to Kyle but not so much to his brother, Peter. Though he was always a good student, he was also geeky and shy and instead of pursuing the life he wanted he settled for becoming a proctologist. To give you an idea of the humor of Father Figures, apparently just saying the word proctologist counts as a joke.

So, Peter is jealous of Kyle, Kyle’s life isn’t the paradise he makes it out to be, lather, rinse, repeat. You’ve seen these characters in a dozen other similar comedies. The brothers don’t get along so their mother, Helen (Glen Close), concocts a scheme to bring them closer together. On the day she is getting married she tells her sons that she doesn’t know who their biological father is.

This angers both men causing them to rent a car and investigate mom’s sexual history to figure out who their biological father might be. Naturally, this is a very sensitive subject that can be very emotional and lead to many questions about personal identity and the makers of Father Figures just want to use it is as a poor excuse for a raunchy road comedy.

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal. 

Classic Movie Review Fatal Attraction

Fatal Attraction (1987) 

Directed by Adrian Lyne 

Written by James Dearden 

Starring Michael Douglas, Glenn Close, Anne Archer 

Release Date September 18th, 1987 

Published September 17th, 2017 

Fatal Attraction stars Michael Douglas as a seemingly happy husband to Ann Archer and father to an adorable 6-year-old daughter. So why, if he’s so happy, does he decide to cheat on his wife? This questions comes to consume the mind of Alex (Glenn Close), the woman Douglas’ Dan decides to sleep with one night while his wife and daughter are away visiting family in the suburbs. Alex can’t understand why Dan would choose to sleep with her and then retreat back to his marriage.

That Alex is also mentally unbalanced does not help matters. Moments after Dan attempts to leave Alex for good and return to his normal upper middle-class life, Alex attempts to kill herself and Dan, not wanting anyone to find out about his fling, decides he needs to stay the night again to make sure Alex doesn’t die and thus potentially reveal his infidelity in the process. This is a decision he will come to regret as saving Alex’s life only furthers her obsession with him.

Will Dan get up the courage to tell his wife what he has done? Will he do it before Alex’s unhinged behavior becomes dangerous to Dan’s entire family? These are the questions of a very minor, very forgettable sub-genre of thrillers. And yet, somehow Fatal Attraction became a massive hit in 1987 and remains part of the cultural zeitgeist 30 years later. Actress Glenn Close as recently as the 25th Anniversary of the film’s release was still being told that she’d terrified men who saw the film.

Why? Why this movie? Why Fatal Attraction? What is it about this sleazy genre thriller that has lasted this long? What is it that keeps this film in our pop culture memory? It baffles me because I have seen knock off after knock off after knock off of the Fatal Attraction formula and none of them are any good. Certainly there is something to be said for being an original but shouldn’t the movie be better than this to last this long?

Fatal Attraction is a cheap, sleazy, silly thriller with over the top performances and capable but not outstanding direction. Adrian Lyne is a director obsessed with sexual politics but he doesn’t have much depth to his obsession. Lyne’s style is to ask big questions but not give the questions much weight beyond the plot in progress. The big question of Fatal Attraction is ‘What would you do if you were Dan?’ That’s not a very interesting question. Everything that happens to Dan is his own fault and while Lyne seems to want us to sympathize with him as Alex goes on the attack, it’s almost comical how unsympathetic Dan is.

Read my full length review in the Geeks Community at Vocal. 

Movie Review The Wilde Wedding

The Wilde Wedding (2017)

Directed by Damian Harris 

Written by Damian Harris 

Starring Glenn Close, John Malkovich, Patrick Stewart, Minnie Driver, Jack Davenport 

Release Date September 15th, 2017 

Published September 13th, 2017 

The Wilde Wedding has the chance to be a pretty great movie but lacks the courage to pull it off. The film brings together the talents of Glenn Close, John Malkovich and Patrick Stewart for a wedding comedy and the charm factor would be off the charts except that writer-director Damian Harris can’t resist mucking up the works by having the younger cast too often crowd out the more interesting veterans.

The Wilde Wedding casts Glenn Close as world famous movie star Eve Wilde. Eve is on the verge of her 4th marriage; this time to a novelist named Harold Alcott (Stewart) who could not be less suited for her. We meet Harold as he is arriving for the weekend wedding with his two daughters and a friend and appears to be cramming for a test on Eve’s IMDB page. He can’t seem to remember the names of Eve’s most famous movies and seems to be of the belief that if he can’t remember them he won’t be able to get married.

Joining the wedding party is Laurence, Eve’s first ex-husband played by Malkovich. Pompous but charming, it was Laurence who’d gotten Eve her first role in Hollywood, one that very quickly eclipsed his own Hollywood start and eventually led to trouble in their marriage. Laurence and Eve have three sons, played by Noah Emmerich, Rob Langeder and Peter Fascinelli who are each given one trait to portray based off the simplistic notions of the emotional trauma of having been children of divorce.

They are joined by various girlfriends, assistants, friends or children, all very limited in their screen time and none of much particular interest. Minnie Driver plays one of the son’s rock star ex-wife who sings a pretty terrible cover of Billy Idol’s White Wedding as a supposed wedding gift while Grace Van Patten is the requisite millennial who is on hand to film everything for a documentary as her gift to her grandmother. Van Patten is saddled with an attraction to her cousin whom she insists is a first cousin once removed because that’s somehow less creepy or necessary to the story?

Read my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal. 

Classic Movie Review The Paper

The Paper (1994) 

Directed by Ron Howard 

Written by David Koepp, Steven Koepp

Starring Michael Keaton, Marisa Tomei, Randy Quaid, Glen Close, Robert Duvall

Release Date March 18th, 1994 

Published 

The Paper stars Michael Keaton as Henry Hackett, Metro Editor for a New York City tabloid perpetually on the brink of closing. With a baby on the way, with his reporter wife, Martha (Marisa Tomei), Henry is plotting an exit from the paper. On this day, as we join the story, Henry has an interview with a Wall Street Journal style, internationally respected newspaper. Henry doesn't want the job. He wants the money but he'd much rather stay at his current employer where he can get his hands dirty. Instead of being behind a desk with a fat paycheck, Henry needs the excitement of the metro page. 

Making Henry's choice to stay or go at his current gig difficult is his rival, Alicia (Glenn Close). Alicia is a former reporter and editor who is now a bean counter. She makes big decisions based on budgets instead of journalism and Henry resents her for switching sides. Henry doesn't want to end up working under Alicia and her penny pinching, thus another reason he's considering leaving. Holding him in place is his current boss, Bernie (Robert Duvall), a legendary editor and the final word at the paper. As long as Bernie is there, Alicia is mostly neutralized. But how much longer does Bernie have? 

These questions roil beneath the surface creating tension while the bigger story begins to unfold. The paper has missed a big story. Last night, a pair of businessmen were gunned down and every other newspaper in town ran with the story. The paper is playing catch up and Henry is determined not to get scooped for a second day in a row. He wants to know the moment an arrest is made so they can get the picture and the story on the front page that night. But first, what if the story is wrong? What if the eventual arrest of two black teenagers for the crime is wrong? 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Albert Nobbs

Albert Nobbs (2011) 

Directed by Rodrigo Garcia 

Written by Glenn Close, John Banville, Gabrielle Prekop

Starring Glenn Close, Mia Wasikowska, Janet McTeer, Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Release Date September 2nd, 2011

Published November 14th, 2011

"Albert Nobbs" suffers from novelty. The film about a woman pretending to be a man in 19th century England cannot escape the novelty of star Glenn Close dressed as a man. Close's soft features and fragile demeanor betray her at every turn even as her Albert is a very sympathetic creation.

Albert Nobbs has lived for many years at the Morrison Inn where he's worked diligently as a butler. Scrimping every shilling Albert has saved up quite a nest egg; possibly enough to buy his own tobaccos shop and possibly even enough to live the life of his choice.

Albert is a woman pretending to be a man in order to find work and acceptance. As a child Albert was often abused and was to be left out on the streets after her foster mother passed away. Albert found a way out from under her abuse and poverty by dressing as a man and taking a job as a butler.

That was many years ago. Now, Albert is a respected; if somewhat odd, middle aged man living quietly at the Morrison in silent longing. Albert's secret is nearly revealed when he/she is forced to share his bed with a day laborer named Hubert (Janet McTeer).

In another of "Albert Nobbs" less than convincing visual portrayals, Janet McTeer plays Hubert and, like Ms. Close, Ms. McTeer's features betray her. Add that to the contrivance of two women pretending to be men stumbling upon each other in this way and "Albert Nobbs" begin to seem silly.

What keeps "Albert Nobbs" from becoming ridiculous is the complete commitment of both Glenn Close and Janet McTeer to their characters. While the movie seems to almost attempt to embarrass them, these tremendous actresses maintain their dignity and are never less than sympathetic.

Unfortunately, "Albert Nobbs" suffers for the novelty of Close and McTeer's less than convincing looking drag act as well as a lack of discernible purpose. For the life of me I cannot understand what "Albert Nobbs" was about.

Often times a director will excuse a lack of purpose by calling a film a 'character study;' "Albert Nobbs" is unquestionably that. However, the cop out of a character study is that it allows the filmmakers to not have to craft a compelling story but merely turn out characters who are strong enough to hold the audience's attention.

The characters of "Albert Nobbs" are unquestionably interesting, including the lovely Mia Wasikowska as the object of Albert's affections, Aaron Johnson ("Kick Ass") as Wasikowska's lover and Brendon Gleeson as a friendly, drunken doctor.

I mentioned Wasikowska as the object of Albert's affections. Here the film is unnecessarily coy about Albert's sexuality. Is Albert a lesbian? Does Albert know what it means to be a lesbian? McTeer's Hubert is married to a woman but her sexuality is vague as well; she was married to an abusive husband before stealing his clothes and becoming a man.

I understand wanting the audience to draw their own conclusions about these issues. I also understand that sexuality wasn't as well defined by sub-culture as it is in America in 2011. That said, the film is so vague and so coy that our ability to draw conclusions is nearly comically derailed. Glenn Close delivers a well-considered performance in "Albert Nobbs" but there are simply too many issues surrounding the performance for me to recommend "Albert Nobbs."

Movie Review Hoodwinked 2 Hood Vs. Evil

Hoodwinked 2 Hood vs. Evil (2011) 

Directed by Mike Disa 

Written by Cory Edwards, Todd Edwards, Tony Leech, Mike Disa 

Starring Hayden Panattiere, Patrick Warburton, Glenn Close, Cory Edwards 

Release Date April 29th, 2011

Published April 29th, 2011

It's rare when a sequel is better than the original. Then again, few movies as bad as 2005's "Hoodwinked" actually get sequels. We're not exactly talking about "Godfather 2" surpassing the original "Godfather" here. "Shrek" vs. "Shrek 2" is barely a fair comparison. "Hoodwinked 2: Hood vs. Evil" had a low bar to exceed to improve on the first film and in that way it succeeded.

Hansel & Gretel

Red (voice of Hayden Panettiere subbing for Ann Hathaway) has gone off to train with a mysterious sisterhood of bakers who hold the key to an ancient truffle recipe that could give the one who eats the truffle unending power if they can guess the secret ingredient. Meanwhile, Red's Granny (Glenn Close) and her partner the Wolf (Patrick Warburton) with his sidekick Twitchy (Cory Edwards, writer and co-director of the first "Hoodwinked") are on the case of two children kidnapped by a witch living in a Gingerbread house.

Yes, Hansel & Gretel (Bill Hader and Amy Poehler) have been kidnapped by an evil witch (Joan Cusack) and she won't release them until Granny gives up the secret truffle recipe secret ingredient. Eventually, Granny is taken hostage and Red must break off her training to team with the Wolf and Twitchy to rescue her.

James Bond, Kill Bill and Granny

"Hoodwinked 2" shares with the first film the idea of 'Happily Ever After' as a secret law enforcement agency, led by Freddy Flippers (David Ogden Stiers), which assures happy endings to all fairy tale creatures. Where the first film took the "Rashomon" multiple stories from different perspectives, "Hoodwinked 2" goes for straight forward action with nods to Kill Bill and James Bond.

You have to admire the high minded film references of both "Hoodwinked" films but "Hoodwinked 2" gains something from not convoluting the references and instead telling a straightforward action comedy story with mere nods toward what influenced them. It's a cleaner, clearer and funnier approach than in the original which was far too proud of how clever the filmmakers thought they were.

Better than the original

The animation of "Hoodwinked 2," which is playing in both 3D and 2D, is a nice counterpoint to the slick CG animation that has become the standard. It's not nearly as beautiful but it's not as distractingly arty or disturbingly uncanny either. The characters are reminiscent of computer generated Rankin and Bass characters with their chubby faces and limbs.

"Hoodwinked 2: Hood vs. Evil" is far from brilliant. In fact, it is exceptionally minor entertainment. You could do better if there were a Pixar movie out there or if your kids have yet to see "Rio" or "Rango" but if they have seen those movies, "Hoodwinked 2" is a fine third choice, a modest and mildly funny kid's movie that surpasses the original.

Movie Review: The Wife

The Wife (2018) 

Directed by Bjorne L Runge 

Written by Jane Anderson

Starring Glenn Close, Jonathan Pryce 

Release Date August 17th, 2018

November 4th, 2018

Acting legend Glenn Close has wanted to star in The Wife, an adaptation of the bestselling novel by Meg Wolitzer since 2014. Now we know why her passion for the project never waned. This juicy role as the long-suffering wife of an insufferable literary genius, played by Jonathan Pryce, has thrust Close into the Academy Award conversation despite few people even knowing the movie existed prior to Close earning a recent Golden Globe nomination. 

The Wife stars Glenn Close as Joan Castleman, the wife of well-known author and renowned blowhard, Professor Joe Castleman. As we join the story, Joe receives a call in the middle of the night. It’s the Nobel Prize committee and they’ve called to inform him that his latest novel has been awarded the Nobel Prize for literature. It’s certainly an honor to celebrate but as we watch Joan react to her husband’s good fortune, we get a strong sense that the celebration will be short lived. 

When we flashback in The Wife, we see how Joan and Joe Castleman met and it’s more than a little awkward. Joe was Joan’s literature professor at Smith College in 1956. The young Joan is portrayed by Close’s daughter, Annie Stark, providing a wonderful sense of verisimilitude. Joan was enamored of her older, married teacher and as we learn about Joe’s proclivities it’s not hard to imagine that Joan wasn’t the first student to have private time with the professor. 

Joan had aspired to be a writer herself as a young woman but gave it up in favor of being with Joe and raising their two children. That’s the story they tell anyway, what we will learn as this story unfolds is something far more messy, complicated and compelling. The Wife doesn’t have a ‘twist’ per se, but the way the story plays with our perceptions of this elderly couple and allows us to make assumptions before shattering those assumptions, is one of the fascinating and entertaining aspects of this wonderfully crafted film. 

Glenn Close is flawless in The Wife. At first it appears like a role she could have acted in her sleep but just as the story begins to build, she begins to reveal this character and it’s irresistibly compelling. Joan reveals more and more of her pain, frustration and anguish with each passing moment and does so with no histrionics, simply with her eyes, her inflection. She creates drama where we didn’t realize there was any and it’s magnificent. 

Each twist of the tale holds a new fascination in Close’s character. It’s easy to assume that you know what you think happened in the shared past of Joan and Joe but the way Close reveals it hides the plot mechanics, you don’t notice the story moving forward, you notice Close willing us all closer to the ending and a reveal and nothing terribly over-dramatic but just perfectly calibrated melodrama generated from her performance. 

The Wife is fascinating because Glenn Close and Joan are fascinating. Close invests a lifetime of experience in this character in a way that appears effortless. It’s one of the best performances of 2018 and in a movie that, even I, someone who is supposed to follow such things, was not aware of. It’s a revelatory performance and a great reminder that Close is one of our finest living actresses.

Movie Review: Evening

Evening (2007) 

Directed by Lajos Koltai

Written by Susan Minot, Michael Cunningham 

Starring Toni Collette, Claire Danes, Meryl Streep, Vanessa Redgrave, Patrick Wilson, Hugh Dancy, Mamie Gummer, Glenn Close 

Release Date June 29th, 2007

Published June 30th, 2007

Some films just look like Oscar movies. They carry a certain weight of subject matter and location that gives the film the pretense of quality. That pretense accompanies the movie Evening which features an all star cast, including Claire Danes, Vanessa Redgrave, Meryl Streep and Toni Collette, a gorgeous seaside location that films like a travelogue, and the subject of life, death and regret, the ingredients of a deep dramatic story.

With all of that quality in place all that is needed is a story to tie it together. Sadly, a good story is exactly what is missing from Evening. What is in place of a good story is a melodrama ranking somewhere between Lifetime movie and WB network teen drama.

Lying in her deathbed, Ann (Vanessa Redgrave) is flashing in and out of conscousness and flashing back to the night that changed her life forever. Fifty years earlier Ann (Claire Danes) was a bright eyed bohemian with dreams of becoming a famous singer. For now she is visiting the Newport home of her best friend Lila (Mamie Gummer) who is about to be married.

Whether Lila really wants to marry Carl (Timothy Kiefer) is in question, but she will marry him. This will happen despite the drunken protest of her brother Buddy (Hugh Dancy) who implores Ann to try and stop his sister from marrying without love. Buddy himself is holding on to a love that can never be, a confused attraction to both Ann and a handsome man from his and Lila's past named Harris (Patrick Wilson).

Harris arrives at the wedding as the guest everyone is watching. Lila and he had a brief flirtation when she was just a girl and then there are Buddy's complicated feelings. Things get even murkier when Harris falls for Ann and the two spend a torrid night together that ends in tragedy when one of the other main characters suffers a major injury.

In the modern story, Toni Collette and Natasha Richardson play Ann's daughters. As they hover at their mother's bedside they represent the dual tracks of Ann's life. Collette's Nina is a boho chick with a rocker boyfriend and an ambivalence about marriage and commitment. Richardson's Connie is a typical soccer mom with the minivan and the 2.3 kids. Both are the lives that Ann lived and regretted in her time.

Director Lajos Koltai spent years as a Cinematographer on such well photographed films as Being Julia, The Emporer's Club and Sunshine and he brings that same painterly eye to the look of Evening. How unfortunate that he didn't bring the same attention to detail to the films confused plot and confusing characters.

Evening has the air, the pretension of a prestige picture. It has an all star cast and a well appointed location. It has a grand, sweeping timeline and the hint of depth given to any movie that deals so directly with death. This depth however, is never earned by the story but expected by it. We are just supposed to assume because the pieces are in place for great drama, that great drama is unfolding before us. That is simply not the case.

What unfolds before us is the kind of movie the Lifetime network might make if they had the budget for this kind of starpower. It's a film that is not without its charm and even a few moments of honest drama, most courtesy of the wonderful Toni Collette who overcomes an underwritten character and delivers the only moments close to true drama.

The rest of the film is a confusing melange of mixed motivations, confusing character twists and even more confused timelines. Then there is poor Vanessa Redgrave whose unassailable dignity is put to the test as she is subjected to a number of humiliating fever dream fantasies. These scenes are so embarrassing that you stop feeling for the character and start feeling for poor Ms. Redgrave as she shuffles about in her nightgown.

It's interesting to note that Mamie Gummer who plays the young Lila is the daughter of Meryl Streep who plays the older Lila in cameo late in the film. Similarly, Natasha Richardson plays one of Vanessa Redgrave's daughters in the film and of course happens to be Ms. Redgrave's real life daughter. I mention these tidbits because there is so little else of interest here.

The biggest obstacle to this film working, aside from the first time director with the mixed up script, is the wooden, sullen performance of Patrick Wilson as Harris. After a near Oscar level performance as Kate Winslet's eye candy in Little Children, Wilson returns to the form that made him a hammy punchline in Phantom of the Opera.

His Harris is supposed to be the man who inspires to different women's fantasies for the rest of their lives. However, I can't imagine any woman remembering this Harris long after he's walked out of a room, let alone for their rest of their life. Stuffy, stuck up and just a tad bit creepy, Harris couldn't inspire bad poetry, forget inspiring a lifetime of fantasy and regret.

Then there is Hugh Dancy as Buddy who goes the opposite way from Patrick Wilson. Buddy is the typical movie drunk always ready to make everyone uncomfortable with a few fumbling words or a tumble in the middle of the room. His love for both Harris and Ann is played as a side effect of his drunken stupor and does nothing to make him sympathetic, rather just simply pathetic.

Meanwhile Claire Danes, Mamie Gummer, Toni Collette and Natasha Richardson deliver performances that in a better movie would radiate great warmth, humor and charm. Each of these lovely actresses aquit themselves as well as they possibly can within the messy narrative of Evening with only Collette emerging as the punky younger, or was she older? One of the many miscues of the movie, I couldn't figure out if she was the younger or older sister of Ann's two daughters. Scenes point to two different conclusions.

Nevertheless, Collette's punky, spirited, sad performance is the one consistent source of honest drama in Evening.

The payoff of Evening is a scene that puts two of our greatest actresses together for one scene. As Vanessa Redgrave's Ann lay dying, in walks Meryl Streep as her former best friend Lila. The film has been building to this scene, the director has kept Streep offscreen to this moment so we could have this scene.

As we wait and watch as Lila arrives to relieve her friend of so many of the burdens she has been dreaming of throughout her convalescence we find that nothing really gets resolved. The scene devolves into a mutual fantasy of Harris, the man who could not inspire a bird to fly if he threw it off a cliff. Then the film simply ends. Ending with the abruptness of sudden death.

I'm not giving anything away here, the point of the film is a frank discussion of dying. There was not going to be any last minute reprieve for Ann who is old and frail and ready to die. However, we really aren't ready for her to go. We long for a little resolution, a mention of what the film was really about. Certainly we did not just waste two hours of our life watching this woman remember a wet blanket like Harris?

There must have been something richer and deeper than that. Sadly there isn't and that is the disaster of Evening.

Movie Review Hoodwinked

Hoodwinked (2006) 

Directed by Cory Edwards 

Written by Cory Edwards, Todd Edwards, Tony Leech

Starring Glenn Close, Xzibit, David Ogden Stiers, Anne Hathaway, James Belushi 

Release Date January 13th, 2006 

Published January 14th, 2006

The idea is pretty clever. Take a well known fairy tale, in this case Little Red Riding Hood, cross it with references to The Usual Suspects, Rashomon and Law & Order and make it a CGI-animated cartoon. Well not all good concepts make good movies. Hoodwinked, the result of this ingenious premise, is a hackneyed sub-Nickelodeon channel animated film that fails to deliver on its attractive premise.

Four characters, four different versions of the same event. A wolf (voiced by Patrick Warburton), a woodsman (James Belushi), a delivery girl named Red (Anne Hathaway), and Red's grandmother (Glenn Close) all arrive at grandma's house at the same time through a series of misunderstandings, miscommunications, and a major crime in which each is somehow a suspect.

The film unfolds as four separate flashbacks under a police interrogation by detective Nicky Flippers (David Ogden Stiers) and the chief of the forest, police chief Grizzly (Xzibit). The two were investigating the continuing disappearances of recipe books throughout the forest by a criminal called the "Goody Bandit." Each of the four principle characters has made themself a suspect, and their stories somehow have led them all to grandma's house.

I cannot say enough how intriguing the setup of Hoodwinked is. It's so intriguing that it's not surprising that creators Cory and Todd Edwards screw it up. The execution of the film's premise plays out in a fashion that is simpleminded and predictable. Granted this is a kids movie and thus cannot be made too difficult to follow, for fear of losing the core audience, but the simplicity undermines the interesting premise. This could be forgiven if the jokes in the movie were funny enough to justify the predictable setups, but hackneyed gags about grandma playing extreme sports fall desperately flat.

Maybe more egregious than screwing up the rich premise of Hoodwinked are the awful pop songs included to fill out the film's 82-minute runtime. Even with an interesting idea for a plot, Cory and Todd Edwards have little idea what to do with it. So in between the unfunny and predictable flashbacks they sandwich in awful original pop tunes that serve as inner monologues for the characters. The songs are more simpleminded than the rest of the script and are a trial to listen to.

It's tough to screw up a computer animated movie. Because the technology is often so impressive, many audiences will tend to forgive a bad CGI cartoon. However, as the technology has aged that impression seems to be wearing off and like the equally insipid Shark Tale, Hoodwinked cannot skate on its technology, which is even less inspired than that wretched godfather underwater cartoon.

The animation of Hoodwinked is similar to Nickelodeon's Jimmy Neutron, only more lifeless. The characters are bulbous and oddly rendered and look more like a really dull videogame and not a big screen movie. The animation reminded me of a videogame circa 1997, something played on Super Nintendo. This may be a function of the film's budget which was admirably small and independently financed. Nevertheless, the movie is unimpressive to look at.

Hoodwinked is a brutal trial of a kids' movie with all of the worst traits of the genre. Hackneyed simpleminded jokes, unimpressive animation, even the voice acting is underwhelming save for Warburton as the wolf whose sarcasm drips from every word even when he is attempting sincerity. Warburton's occasional presence is not nearly enough to rescue this slapped together mess of cheap animation. It's an inspired idea that goes nowhere and fast.

Movie Review: The Stepford Wives

The Stepford Wives (2004) 

Directed by Frank Oz 

Written by Paul Rudnick 

Starring Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Roger Bart, Glenn Close, Christopher Walken

Release Date June 11th, 2004

Published June 12th, 2004 

The troubles of a troubled movie project tend to go public long before the movie itself. Such is the case with the remake of the 1975 domestic horror movie The Stepford Wives. The signs of trouble began with gossip about onset bickering between the stars and director Frank Oz. Then, when the film ballooned from a three-month shoot to a six-month shoot, the gossip turned to outright fact. Finally, there was the kiss of death, the announcement of reshoots to change the ending.

Whatever chance the film had of reaching blockbuster status went out the window when the reshoots were announced. Now the best that the producers can hope for is that the editing, which when added to the time spent shooting brought the project to more than a year's worth of work, could salvage something salable, or even moderately watchable. That they did a little better than that is a miracle.

Nicole Kidman and Matthew Broderick star as Joanna and Walter, a married couple who also work together at a television network. Well, Joanna works, she's the head of the network, Walter works for her. However after an incident with a crazed reality show contestant, Joanna is fired and Walter quits out of sympathy. After Joanna recovers from a minor nervous breakdown, the couple take their kids and move to a gated community in Connecticut called Stepford.

Right off the bat, the place is weird. It's too neat, too orderly, too...clean. Not just clean but frighteningly clean. There is more weirdness as the family meets the Stepford welcoming committee in the form of Mrs. Claire Wellington (Glenn Close). Picture Martha Stewart on a serious caffeine bender. While Walter is shuttled off to the Stepford men's club, Joanna joins Claire at the Stepford day spa where the women of Stepford work out, though not in a way any normal woman works out.

Though her husband takes quickly to Stepford's ‘50s country club feel, Joanna is not completely alone in her alienation. Also new to the neighborhood are another pair of transplanted New Yorkers, Bobbie (Bette Midler) a cynical, slovenly, Jewish writer and Roger (Roger Bart) an outré fashion conscious gay man and well-known architect. Bobbie came to Stepford with her schlubby househusband Dave (Jon Lovitz) and Roger with his barely out of the closet lawyer Jerry (David Marshall Grant).

Being the only three normal people in all of Stepford, they commiserate over the oddity of the woman in Stepford. They all dress like housewives from 50's TV ads. They bake like it were their only job in the world. And strangest of all, these gorgeous woman are all having amazing sex with their doughy, dopey husbands, as the three accidentally witness on an uninvited visit.

Things only grow weirder though when both Roger and Bobbie disappear and then reappear in the Stepford mold with all of their personality sucked out. All of this oddness has something to do with the Stepford men's club and especially it's founder Mike Wellington (Christopher Walken), also Claire's husband. Though most of you know the film’s secret, I don't want to ruin it for the uninitiated. Needless to say, the film comes down to a battle between Joanna, the men's club, and indeed her own husband.

The biggest surprise about this film is not it's twist ending but rather how good the film is until that twist. There are a number of funny moments in Stepford Wives and most come from Kidman, Midler and Roger Bart whose biting comments about the woman of Stepford are very funny. The best scene in the film is when the three attend the Stepford woman's book club where the book of the week is all about Christmas ornaments.

Glenn Close turns in a performance that rivals her turn in Fatal Attraction for it's over the top lunacy. It almost goes without saying that Christopher Walken is good. Yet again, Walken has another of those speeches that only he could deliver. It's not as good as his tooth fairy bit in The Rundown or his masterpiece of death speech in Man on Fire, but for sheer Walken inspired lunacy it's a real highlight.

So what went wrong? Up until maybe the last 15 to 20 minutes Stepford Wives was a pretty funny comedy and then it flew completely off the rails. In his effort to distance this film from the original director Frank Oz makes a decision that is such a complete departure from the original film it's mind-blowing. The twist ending of the original film was what made it so memorable, it's why the film existed, for that one moment of shock. Obviously, that shock isn't going to be as good a second time, but the change made is so radical and so obviously tacked on that it ruins the entire picture.

Nothing of the first 50 or so minutes of the film’s run time makes any sense at all once the twist is introduced. This is a horribly misconceived change that I can't tell you how bad it is, you really have to see it for yourself to see what a garish and obvious mistake it is. So bad you wonder how a major studio and a professional director could make such a mistake.

The original Stepford Wives is a pretty good horror film. It's also very of its time. It's a social satire that drew from the burgeoning women's rights movement and the societal changes that were happening so quickly in the 1970's. When you look back on it this is not a film that should inspire a remake. The new Stepford Wives is not just filled with mistakes in its creation and final product. The idea to make it was probably the biggest mistake of them all.

Movie Review The Lion in Winter

The Lion in Winter (2004) 

Directed by James Goldman 

Written by Andrei Konchalovsky 

Starring Sir Patrick Stewart, Glenn Close, Rafe Spall 

Release Date May 23rd, 2004 

Published May 23rd, 2004 

When it comes to remakes, I am on the record as disliking them on principle. Why? Because they only attempt to remake films that were already good. No one ever attempts to take a bad movie and improve on its mistakes to make it a good film. That would seem to be a more worthy cause than the “karaoke-version” of a classic film.

There is, however, the very rare exception and Showtime's remake of the Peter O'Toole-Katherine Hepburn classic The Lion In Winter is a worthy take on this Oscar winning work.

Patrick Stewart stars as King Henry the second (Patrick Stewart), father to four sons, none of whom are worthy heirs to his crown. Son Henry may have been worthy but he died in battle some years ago. The next in line would have been Richard (Andrew Howard) but he and his younger brother Geoffrey (John Light) led a rebellion against the King at the behest of their mother Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine (Glenn Close). When the rebellion is put down, the Queen is imprisoned while the sons were given property and notice from the King that neither would inherit the throne.

10 years after the rebellion, the King is feeling his years and is now ready to name the heir to his throne. He must do it soon because King Philip of France (John Rhys Myers) is calling upon King Henry to fulfill a contract made years ago to marry Princess Alais of France (Julia Vysotskaya) to the future King of England. Alais also happens to be the King's mistress. King Henry plans to name his youngest son John (Rafe Spall) his heir, despite the fact that the doltish John is entirely unworthy of being King.

Though the Queen is in exile, she still has some power. As the former Queen of France, married to King Louis before being stolen by Henry, her voice and appearance has power and she would like her chosen son Richard to be the next King. This battle of wills culminates over Christmas in a French castle where the King will officially name his heir and attempt to placate his other power-hungry sons and maneuver around his malicious wife whose only pleasure comes from making the King suffer.

This is a film that is all about dialogue, verbal jousting matches that manipulate deep emotion. Watching the King and Queen twist and turn their sons with promises, lies and other deceptions is a sport. Shifting alliances and other behind the scenes maneuverings, sons Richard and Geoffrey show they clearly learned a lot from their parents. At times, the verbiage is so confusing, you lose track of who is scheming with whom but it all sounds so smart and witty you can forgive the occasional confusion.

The actors have a very high standard to live up to. Peter O'Toole was nominated for an Oscar for his Henry and Katherine Hepburn won her third of four Oscars for her harridan Queen. The remake’s director, Andrei Konchalovsky, is blessed with a terrific cast but it is too much to expect any actor to live up to the O'Toole-Hepburn standard. That said, Patrick Stewart's stage training makes him an ideal choice for the role of King Henry. Stewart may not escape Peter O'Toole's shadow but he bellows and blusters his way to a terrifically entertaining performance.

Glenn Close is the film’s true star. Her Queen Eleanor must be the top contender for the Emmy's in 2005. What is most amazing is how Close so reminds us of Hepburn. She evokes the cold hard spirit that infused Hepburn's iconic performance. The remaining cast is less memorable than the two leads but none are so overmatched by their roles to be criticized.

It's interesting to note that the actors and director were working from the very same script from the original film. The script was written originally as a play in 1967 by James Goldman who also adapted this screenplay. This is a blessing in that it's a brilliant Oscar winning script but it also makes it difficult for the actors to give their own spin to the material. Regardless of the problems though it's always a delight to hear such wonderful dialogue delivered by great actors, even if you have heard it all before.