Movie Review This Means War

This Means War (2012) 

Directed by McG 

Written by Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg 

Starring Reese Witherspoon, Tom Hardy, Chris Pratt 

Release Date February 17th, 2012 

Recent to DVD the comedy “This Means War” is a criminally banal comedy starring three exceptional young stars in the hands of a competent but unimaginative director. The story of two spies using their skill and advanced technology as they compete for the heart of the same woman wastes three terrific stars and a solid premise on a series of mild and predictable gags.

Lauren (Reese Witherspoon) has had no luck with men. She moved to Los Angeles to with a man who dumped her soon after she arrived. Since then she has become focused on her job as a product tester and put seeking love on the back burner. Unfortunately for Lauren, her pal Trish won’t let her forget about love; eventually signing her up for online dating.

Through the love seeking website Trish meets Tuck (Tom Hardy), a kind and handsome travel agent. On the same day as her first date with Tuck she also meets FDR (Chris Pine) a jerky ladies man who tries to put the moves on her in a video store. What Lauren doesn’t know is that Tuck and FDR are friends and partners and spies. Soon, the smitten spies begin to compete for Lauren’s heart using the resources at their disposal to gain an intelligence advantage.

The idea of two spies using their spy craft to woo the same woman is wonderfully novel. Unfortunately, director McG doesn’t do anything unpredictable with this idea. Every beat, every joke, every turn of plot in “This Means War” is easy to predict. The plot gives you a great deal to work from and challenges the filmmaker to do something that audiences don’t expect and McG simply never does it.

With these three stars it is inexcusable that “This Means War” is so achingly mediocre. Tom Hardy and Chris Pine are evolving into major movie stars with Hardy starring in “Warrior” and “Inception” and Pine having given new life to Captain Kirk in “Star Trek.” And then there is Reese Witherspoon, arguably the easiest to like actress working today.

Witherspoon is the bright light of the modern romantic comedy. Her unique beauty and quirky approach to generally predictable material never fails to bring something interesting to the table. Even in “This Means War” Witherspoon’s charm is hardly dampened. Unfortunately, even Witherspoon’s charm can’t escape a plot so heavy handed and rote.

It’s not that McG is a bad director; the film is good looking and the story, such as it is, keeps a solid pace. The story logic is as strong as it is novel but the premise needed a touch up. We know from the marketing that these two guys are spies and she doesn’t know it so the film needs to find unique ways for the spies to use their craft. All we get from “This Means War” is people watching other people on hidden cameras.  

Surely there is more that could be done with spies than background checks via the internet and hidden webcams. Sadly, “This Means War” lacks the imagination to come up with anything more. It’s fair to assume that the filmmakers were relying on the stars to sell what they couldn’t but even stars as attractive as these can’t make nothing into something.

In the end what’s really hard to watch about “This Means War” is how truly mediocre it is. The film is well crafted and the stars are attractive but that’s not enough to get the movie past merely watchable. It would be easier for me to dismiss “This Means War” if it were truly bad but the film lingers in memory because it is so remarkably banal; a fact that is almost more offensive than if the film simply stunk. 

Movie Review Just Go With It

Just Go With It (2011) 

Directed by Dennis Dugan 

Written by Alan Loeb, Timothy Dowling 

Starring Adam Sandler, Brooklyn Decker, Jennifer Aniston, Nick Swardson 

Release Date February 11th, 2011 

Published February 11th, 2011 

Adam Sandler has given up. The star of “Just Go With It” simply isn't trying anymore. Having sussed out that his fans will attend any trip he slaps his name on, Sandler is now giving his fans the effort they deserve. If they are not going to ask for anything more than a few moments of him barking like a dog or a friend of his humping something, why should he offer anything more than a minimum effort?

In “Just Go With It” Sandler plays Danny, a plastic surgeon who got dumped on his wedding night some 20 years ago and found out that night that his now useless wedding ring was somehow an aphrodisiac. Thus, he has spent the past two decades wearing the ring, telling stories of being abused by his wife and bedding bimbo after foolish bimbo.

And then Danny met Palmer (Sports Illustrated model Brooklyn Decker), a fourth grade teacher who happens to meet him when he's not wearing his fake ring. The two hit it off but when she accidentally happens upon the ring she wants nothing to do with him. What's Danny to do but lie about getting a divorce in order to win her back? Unfortunately, Palmer insists on meeting the soon to be ex-Mrs. Danny.

With nowhere to turn, Danny calls on his assistant Katherine (Jennifer Aniston) to be the fake wife who will give her blessing to his new relationship. How these three along with Katherine's two kids and Danny's idiot cousin Eddy end up in Hawaii I will leave you to discover should you willingly waste the price of a ticket and nearly two hours of your precious life on “Just Go With It.”

My theory is that when “Grown Ups” became Sandler's highest grossing domestic feature it finally hit him that he no longer had to try. Heck, “Grown Ups” was just him goofing off with his pals and people paid millions to watch, clearly he doesn't have to work hard ever again. To test the theory Sandler along with his pal and favored director Dennis Dugan decided to take a Hawaiian vacation on a studio dime and film it just to see if people would watch him on a vacation.

Are there jokes in “Just Go With It?” Yes, I think they are intended as jokes but just to demonstrate the effort on display twice in the film Sandler simply barks like a dog as a punch line to a scene. TWICE! The old standbys are there as well including vague, shrugged shouldered homophobia and slight bestiality because what would a Sandler movie be without someone humping something.

Jennifer Aniston didn't merely get a vacation out of “Just Go With It,” in one pointless scene she gets a brand new wardrobe, one I wouldn't be surprised went home with her for real and why not the whole production was an excuse for a free trip to Hawaii why shouldn't she get a wardrobe in the deal.

Here's hoping Nicole Kidman, who has an awful cameo as an ex college rival of Aniston's Katherine, got something more out of “Just Go With It” than damage to her Oscar chances a la Eddie Murphy in “Norbit.” Kidman and poor Dave Matthews are saddled with such moronic characters that it’s fair to wonder if Sandler and Dugan really didn’t like them very much.  

Someone once said 'You only get what you give.' You gave Sandler millions just to watch him and his friends pee in a pool in “Grown Ups” so you can't be surprised that all he gives you in “Just Go With It” is a glimpse of his fabulous multimillion dollar Hawaiian vacation with Brooklyn Decker and Jennifer Aniston. Keep it up and his next movie will just be him in his living room watching old episodes of SNL with Scarlett Johansson as the girl who delivers his pizza.