Movie Review: Violent Night

Violent Night (2022) 

Directed by Tommy Wirkola 

Written by Pat Casey, Josh Miller

Starring David Harbour, John Leguizamo, Leah Brady, Alexis Louder

Release Date December 2nd, 2022 

Published December 2nd, 2022 

I've long had an aversion to Christmas themed horror movies. I'm a big fan of the innocence of Christmas. I love that I was part of maintaining my Goddaughter's belief in and love of Santa Claus which has continued long after many other kids lost their sense of magic. Santa Claus is sacred to me and thus I have a strong distaste for movies that score points on making Santa look bad. It's one of the rare places in popular culture where I become a pearl clutching media watchdog. I worry about little kids who might see Santa portrayed as a murderer and lose their sense of his magic. 

Thus, my initial reaction to hearing about the new movie Violent Night, was a pit in my stomach. Here is a completely mainstream movie that was set to place Santa Claus, played by Stranger Things star David Harbour, an actor beloved among a relatively young audience, in a bloody, violent, horror movie context. I was more than just skeptical of Violent Night, I was worried that it could be a watershed moment in the horror portrayal of Santa Claus. That makes this review a bit of a catharsis for me as my worries have been allayed by seeing the movie. Violent Night may place Santa in a violent and bloody story but at least he's the hero in this story. It's a little thing, but it made it easier to take and even enjoy. 

Violent Night introduces us to a Kris Kringle who has lost his smile. As we meet Santa on Christmas Eve, he's getting very, very drunk before heading out for his night of delivering presents to kids. Meanwhile, the gears of the story begin to turn as we meet the Lightstone family. Dad, Jason Lightstone (Alex Hassell), and mom, Linda (Alexis Louder), are spending Christmas together for the sake of their daughter, Trudy (Leah Brady). Mom and Dad have split up but Trudy is hopeful they can be reunited. In fact, mom and dad are at the center of Trudy's Christmas wish for her family to be whole again. 

The family is reuniting for one final Christmas with the uber-rich Lightstone family. Jason is planning to abandon the family business and has concocted a convoluted plan. Also attending the Lightstone family Christmas are Jason's greed addled sister, Alva (Edi Patterson), Alva's airhead, movie star boyfriend, Morgan Steele (Cam Gigandet), and Alva's influencer son Burt (Alexander Elliott. Overseeing the whole Christmas get together is the imperious mother of the Lightstone clan, Gertrude (Beverly D'Angelo), a corrupt businesswoman who may or may not have $300 million in cash stored in her basement. 

That would explain why the Lightstone Family Christmas is overtaken by terrorists led by Jimmy Martinez (John Leguizamo), codename Ebenezer Scrooge. Jimmy and his team infiltrated the family Christmas under the guise of caterers and are in place for a violent takeover once the family is all in the same room. What they don't know is that someone else is crashing Christmas, a drunk Kris Kringle is has dropped in and it's no surprise that Jimmy and his entire team are on Santa's naughty list. 

Read the complete review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review Love in the Time of Cholera

Love in the Time of Cholera (2007) 

Directed by Mike Newell 

Written by Ronald Harwood 

Starring Javier Bardem, John Leguizamo, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Benjamin Bratt, Giovanna Mezzogiomo

Release Date November 16th, 2007

Published November 16th, 2007

Gabriel Garcia Marquez's beloved novel Love In The Time Of Cholera has been a cultural touchstone for the faux intellectual since its publication in 1985. Since then anyone trying to prove their intellect might drop in a reference to Love In The Time of Cholera. Filmmakers have long coveted the book as an adaptation prize but most who have endeavored to adapt it had deemed it unfilmable.

Director Mike Newell is the first director unwilling to accept that the book was unfilmable. Despite the talking birds, fifty year span of time, and Marquez's unique dialogue, Newell felt he could make it work as a film. He was wrong. Newell's Love In the Time of Cholera is a mess as a film. Goofy, halting, unintentionally humorous, Love In The Time of Cholera has eluded yet another director, unfortunately this one actually filmed his failed attempt.

Set in Cartagena Colombia near the turn of the 20th century, Love In The Time of Cholera stars Javier Bardem as Florentino Ariza. A telegraph operator, Florentino is not the most desirable husband for a young socialite whose father has ambitions beyond his station. What Florentino does have on his side is the soul of a poet. So, when he falls for the young socialite Fermina (Giovanna Mezzagiorno) he wins her heart with his words, despite the protestations of her father (John Leguizamo).

Carrying on their affair in letters, Florentino and Fermina manage to fall in love even after she is spirited away to her cousin's (Catalina Sandino Moreno) home in the country. Then things get odd. Upon her return to Cartegena, Fermina rejects Florentino. No reason is given, she just decides she is no longer in love with him. Crushed, Florentino vows to love her forever and remain a virgin until she changes her mind and comes back to him.

In the meantime Fermina meets and is seduced by a successful doctor, Juvenal Urbino (Benjamin Bratt), who almost singlehandedly turned the tide on the Columbia's cholera epidemic. Handsome and successful, Urbino is exactly the husband that Fermina's father wants for his daughter. And once again, Florentino is crushed.  His vow to remain chaste is soon foiled while on a boat trip and his discovery of sex leads him to chronicle all of his conquests while he waits for the one woman who can fulfill him.

The script by Oscar winner Ronald Harwood (The Pianist) removes most of the magical elements of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's book. There is no talking bird for one. But, also gone is much of the magic of Marquez's words. His unique patois, the lyrical digressions into scenery description. Many of the things that made people, Mike Newell included, want to adapt Love In The Time Of Cholera into a movie are gone from the movie.

What remains is part weepy chick flick and part goofball male fantasy. Florentino pledges eternal love to Fermina and waits for more than 50 years for his chance to be with her. That kind of romantic devotion certainly won over a few fans. Of course that fifty year wait in the book was built on the foundation of Marquez's unique writing style.

Minus Marquez, Love In The Time of Cholera the movie offers a weepy, whiny hero who actually pales in comparison to the man who actually gets the girl. Watching the film I couldn't help but wonder why any woman would, for a moment ,want Javier Bardem's creepy Florentino over Benjamin Bratt's handsome, successful Dr. Urbino. Indeed, Fermina must have wondered the same as she chose Urbina and stayed with him for 50 years.

Yet we are to believe somehow that Florentino is the hero of this story? All apologies to lovers of the book, but as rendered in the film Love In The Time of Cholera, Florentino is a loser. He's a complete tool. As written by Ronald Harwood, directed by Mike Newell, and played by the very talented Oscar nominee Javier Bardem, Florentino is a drip and a dope and a character who makes even the brilliant and handsome Javier Bardem look like a tool. 

Love In The Time of Cholera is a literary classic for its magical realism and Gabriel Garcia Marquez's fanciful ideas and dialogue. Mike Newell's take on the material is straight and melodramatic and goofy as all get out. Material that Marquez treats with a light satirical passion are given deathly serious takes on film. Poor Javier Bardem is left to carry heavily pained, dramatic moments that audiences are more likely to chuckle at than sympathize with.

Dull, weepy and way too serious about one goofball character, Love In the Time of Cholera is the kind of daft disaster that only a big Hollywood ego can turn out. Well done Mike Newell, well done.

Movie Review Nothing Like the Holidays

Nothing Like the Holidays (2008) 

Directed by Alfredo De Villa 

Written by Allison Swan, 2 other screenwriters

Starring Luis Guzman, John Leguizamo, Debra Messing, Alfred Molina 

Release Date December 12th, 2008

Published December 11th, 2008 

I have nothing really interesting to observe about Nothing Like The Holidays. I watched it with my friend and fellow critic Linda Cook and after it was over, instead of talking about it, we immediately started talking about Frost/Nixon, Doubt, Rachel Getting Married and other such movies that still have not come to our neck of the woods.

There is nothing horribly wrong with Nothing Like The Holidays. It's just that, I watched it and when it was over it fell almost completely out of my consciousness. Now, as I sit down to write about it, it's a struggle to remember salient plot details for a description. IMDB reminds me of the actors and the roles they played but I cannot remember who was who and why without checking the reviews from other critics. What more is there to say?

Nothing Like The Holidays is a Christmas movie about a Puerto Rican family in the Humboldt Park neighborhood in Chicago. I could write lovely little things about this melting pot of a neighborhood but that would involve little about the movie I am supposed to be writing about.

I could dwell on the racial aspects of Nothing Like The Holidays but I think equality calls on me to treat this movie as I would any other holiday movie and not single out the Latino aspect as something special, though historically, sadly, it is notable.

It is notable, though the film's content, characters, and humor is far from notable. Mostly because I have forgotten about it. If this review seems overly hateful, it's not intentional. Nothing Like The Holidays isn't a disaster. It's just wildly mediocre and entirely forgettable.

Movie Review Ice Age The Meltdown

Ice Age The Meltdown (2006) 

Directed by Carlos Saldanha

Written by Jim Hecht

Starring Ray Romano, Denis Leary, John Leguizamo, Josh Peck, Seann William Scott, Queen Latifah

Release Date March 31st 2006, 

Published March 30th, 2006 

When it comes to computer animation, if it's not Pixar it's not brilliant. The fact is -despite the success of Shrek, Shark Tale or Ice Age - no company creates computer animated films like Pixar. All others are merely pretenders feeding at the trough built by Steve Jobs and his company. Because of the empire Pixar created, movies like 2002's Ice Age were made and met with great success. Such success has bred a sequel to that pleasant if unmemorable prehistoric cartoon about ancient animal species coming together to become lifelong friends and learning to survive.

Ice Age: The Meltdown brings our friends Manny The Mammoth (Ray Romano), Sid the Sloth (John Leguizamo) and Diego the saber tooth tiger (Denis Leary) back together on the eve of the end of the Ice Age. While enjoying what they believe is a delicate spring warm up in their little valley, Manny and company discover the glaciers that surround their idyllic home are melting and soon the whole valley will be underwater.

They must lead their tribe of disparate creatures from their home to a mythical ark somewhere in the woods where they can float to safety on higher ground. Poor Manny is dealing with the sad fact that as far as he knows there are no other mammoths in the world. If he dies, his whole species dies with him. Manny however has a big surprise waiting for him.

As the group begins their trek they come across a couple of wiseacre possums (Sean William Scott and Josh Peck) who, while irritating the heck out of Diego, accidentally lead to the discovery of Ellie (Queen Latifah) a beautiful female mammoth with one unfortunate defect. After years of living with possums she has come to believe she is a possum. Manny must lead this new group to safety and along the way try and convince Ellie that she is actually a mammoth like him. He also must learn to come out of his gloomy shell if ever the effervescent free spirited Ellie is going to help him rebuild the mammoth species.

Ice Age 2 plays like a multi episode arc of a cartoon series including commercial breaks. However, instead of commercials we have Scrat the prehistoric squirrel who's sisyphean quest for the ever elusive acorn is by far the films strongest source of comedy. Scrat steals the entire movie with his little 2 and 3 minute segments during which he gains and loses his precious acorn. Scrat likely would not work in a film of his own but in small doses Scrat is minimalist brilliance. Film scholars and philosophers could muse for hours on Scrat's never ending quest for that acorn and the innumerable ways it eludes him.

The final grail-like quest in which Scrat nearly gains the ultimate acorn is a brilliant device that ties Scrat to the main characters. The rest of Ice Age: The Meltdown is pleasant but not all that memorable. The central story is sweet and good natured. The voice actors all do solid work. There is unfortunately nothing that sets Ice Age apart from any other product aimed at children.

The script by Peter Gaulke and Gerry Swallow is not all that clever or original. The gags with Scrat have their unique genius but only in small doses. The animation of Ice Age: The Meltdown is pretty standard stuff for the genre although I am told that animating as much water as is featured in the film was quite an impressive task in terms of the amount of work it took.

The animation pales in comparison to the elegant artistry of just about every film Pixar has ever produced. Trying to compare Ice Age 2 to anything Pixar is like comparing a velvet Elvis to the Mona Lisa. There is literally that much of a noticeable difference between what Pixar does and what everyone else in the computer animation genre is doing.

The bottom line on Ice Age: The Meltdown is that it is inoffensive and easy to watch. Exactly what parents are looking for on a Saturday afternoon with the kids. You won't find anything controversial or really all that memorable about Ice Age The Meltdown. Which is a good thing if you're looking for an electronic babysitter but not so good if, like me, you're looking to be moved intellectually or emotionally.

I recommend Ice Age: The Meltdown to the undiscerning audience. For those of you looking for true stimulation in kids entertainment go back to your Incredibles DVD or Finding Nemo or Toy Story, or.... well you get the point.

Movie Review: Empire

Empire (2002) 

Directed by Franc Reyes

Written by Franc Reyes

Starring John Leguizamo, Peter Sarsgard, Denise Richards, Sonia Braga, Isabella Rossellini 

Release Date December 6th, 2002 

Published December 6th, 2002 

When Universal Pictures bumped Empire from its original mid-March release to the highly-competitive December marketplace, many scratched their heads. The only conclusion that could be drawn from such a bold move was that Universal must have been very confident in this urban drama starring John Leguizamo. In fact, rumors persisted that Universal would begin a "For Your Consideration" (Oscar) campaign for the comedian-turned-serious-actor. However, after seeing Empire, I'm not sure that Universal's confidence is well placed.

In Empire, Leguizamo stars as Victor Rosa, a drug dealer with his own brand of heroin that he calls empire. Victor and his crew, including rapper Treach from Naughty By Nature, run a certain section of the Bronx that has been set aside for them by the city's leading drug supplier, La Columbiana (Isabella Rosselini). There are several rival dealers in the Bronx, all of whom get their supply from La Columbiana, and all of whom have their own part of town in which to work. When those boundaries are crossed, even by just twenty feet, violence ensues and someone will get hurt. As Victor explains in voiceover, thirty feet of street corner can mean thirty grand a week.

In Victor's other life, he is living with his college student girlfriend Carmen (newcomer Delilah Cotto). Carmen is aware of Victor's business, and so is her disapproving mother, played by Sonya Braga. Lately, things have been affecting Victor more and more, After something terrible happens to the small child of a rival, Tito (played with surprising charisma by rapper Fat Joe), Victor begins to wish there was a way out.

Then, through Carmen's friend Trish (who is played with eternal vapidity by Denise Richards), Victor meets an investment banker named Jack (Peter Sarsgaard). At first, the two seem friendly and Jack seems to honestly admire Victor's entrepreneurial spirit. Of course, when money gets involved, and we are talking millions of dollars, betrayal can't be far behind.

As the trailer reveals, Jack steals Victor's money, which Victor stupidly takes to him in cash. What is surprising is, despite the trailer, the film frames Jack's betrayal of Victor as a big twist as if the audience couldn't see it coming. Even without the over-explanatory trailer, Empire's plot clips along so mechanically its ending becomes obvious with more than 45 minutes remaining in the film.

At least Leguizamo doesn't suffer too badly from the poor scripting. Since his electric performance in Spike Lee's criminally underappreciated Summer Of Sam, I have been waiting for Leguizamo to get a major dramatic role. He would have had it in Empire if the film as a whole were as good as his part was. As it is, add another line to John Leguizamo's resume and wait for his next chance, because I guarantee there will be another one. And don't be surprised if, next time, we are touting Leguizamo for an Oscar. 

Movie Review: Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage (2002) 

Directed by Andrew Davis

Written by David Griffiths, Ronald Roose 

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Elias Koteas, Cliff Curtis, John Leguizamo, John Turturro, Tyler Posey 

Release Date February 8th, 2002 

Published February 8th, 2002 

Is America ready? I'm not talking about is America ready for a violent action film so close to anniversary of 9/11. I mean is America ready for an Arnold Schwarzenegger that doesn't entirely suck. In Collateral Damage, Schwarzenegger is Gordy Breuer a Los Angeles firefighter who witnesses an explosion that kills his wife and child. Not only did he see what happened but also he saw the man responsible, a terrorist called the Wolf (Cliff Curtis).

Schwarzenegger characters are anything but passive, and Gordy is quick to dismiss warnings from government officials including Elias Koteas, the CIA Agent who was the target of the bomb that killed Gordy's wife and child. It doesn't take a genius to know Gordy is going to Columbia to find the Wolf and avenge the death of his family.

If it were that simple there wouldn't be much of a film. Director Andrew Davis (the lensman behind The Fugitive) expertly builds suspense by keeping the film’s pace clicking along quickly. It doesn’t hurt to use Schwarzenegger's previously established action persona to give the audience the feeling that anything could happen at any moment.

The film's special effects are surprisingly cheesy at times, especially the CGI sequences that look as fake as they are. And at 50+ years old, Schwartzenegger obviously can no longer do his own stunts, so it would help to find a stuntman that looks a little more like him.

Those problems aside Collateral Damage is exciting and suspenseful from beginning to end. The film has an especially good twist near the end that I honestly didn't see coming. Is America ready for Collateral Damage? Well they should be because on video and DVD and it's definitely a worthy rental.

Movie Review Romeo and Juliet (1996)

Romeo + Juliet (1996)

Directed by Baz Luhrmann 

Written by Craig Pearce, Baz Luhrmann 

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Claire Danes, John Leguizamo, Brian Dennehy, Paul Sorvino

Release Date November 1st, 1996 

Published November 1st, 2016 

It’s fair to call Baz Luhrmann’s modernized take on Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet a Romeo for the MTV generation. Though today such a pronouncement could seem insulting, in 1996 Luhrmann’s vision of the Bard’s work had everything that a great music video would including quick cut action, lots of colors, a pair of teen idol lead actors and an unbelievably good soundtrack.

Two Households at war 

It’s a tale told in fair Verona Beach or, in reality, Miami standing in for the Shakespearean city. Two households are at war, the Capulets lead by Fulgencio (Paul Sorvino) and the Montagues headed up by Ted (Brian Dennehy). No one seems exactly sure why there is war between them but as this story begins, thugs from both sides engage in a shootout that ends in a massive conflagration.

Captain Prince (Vondie Curtis Hall), the head of Verona law enforcement, has seen enough, he wants peace and is ready to take extreme measures. Meanwhile, young Romeo walks the beach in devastation, his beloved Rosalyne having forsaken him. Thankfully, his cousin Benvolio and best friend Mercutio (Harold Perrineau) have sport to cheer him.

What light through yonder window breaks

Mercutio has obtained tickets to a costume party at Capulet mansion and as long as everyone stays in their masks it should be a fine feast. At the party Romeo spies Juliet through the glass of a fish tank and is immediately smitten. He is already in love by the time he finds out that she is Juliet Capulet, the daughter of his family enemy. Juliet has also fallen for Romeo despite his name and the seal it with a dip in the Capulets pool and a kiss.

The following day the two decide to marry and Romeo’s friend Father Lawrence (Pete Postlethwaite thinks the wedding may be a chance to bring peace to the family and the un-civil war. He conducts the wedding but there is tragedy to come, one that will separate the young lovers and further complications involving a mislaid letter that could mean doom.

Stylistically jarring 

It’s a classic story and Baz Luhrmann’s telling it has a new, stylistically jarring life. The film begins with Shakespeare’s classic epilogue as told by a news reporter on TV. Then Pete Postlethwaite picks up the same dialogue in voice over and then in a bold move, the same words are incorporated into the film’s experimental score.

From there we are thrust down into the streets of Verona Beach where Shakespeare’s immortal words are spoken by common street thugs wielding Sword brand 9mm handguns. The Montagues and Capulets meet in combat in the urban setting of a Grand Theft Auto video game but all the while speaking with Shakespeare’s tongue.

Radiohead, Garbage and Prince 

It’s all quite jarring at first but when the music of Radiohead kicks in as we are introduced to Leonardo DiCaprio as Romeo, things begin to settle in and we are quickly invested in this highly unique retelling of a classic love story. There are times when the classic Shakespearean turns of phrase are incomprehensible to the modern ear but the meaning is well conveyed by the exemplary cast, as it would be if Luhrmann had not chosen to modernize the setting.

Leonardo DiCaprio had not yet become a global icon when he starred in Romeo +Juliet. He was less than a year from becoming ‘the King of the world’ as Jack Dawson in Titanic but his star was certainly on the rise. “Romeo + Juliet” was indeed the perfect table setter for his breakout in Titanic. Romeo offered just the right mix of serious acting and teen idol mooning needed for the establishment of global icon status.

Claire Danes has never found the stardom that DiCaprio has achieved since “Romeo + Juliet” but onscreen she is every bit the star DiCaprio is. With her wide expressive eyes, beautiful smile and delicate delivery, Danes was a marvelous Juliet and when Juliet takes hold of a gun as she does more than once during “Romeo + Juliet” it is a stunning counterpoint to her nuanced beauty.

The music of Romeo + Juliet acts as the third lead character in the film. Baz Luhrmann and his music team did yeoman’s work to mix movie score and pop songs in ways few had ever done before. While many will remember the hit song “Lovefool” by the Cardigans the stand out for me while watching the film this week was Des’ree’s haunting love theme “Kissing You.”

The hit soundtrack also includes music from popular 90’s rockers Everclear and Garbage and, as briefly mentioned earlier, experimental rockers Radiohead whose song “Talk Show Host” serves as Romeo’s theme. There are also, ever so brief, musical intrusions by Massive Attack and most famously a remix of Prince’s “When Doves Cry” sung beautifully by a church choir.

Romeo and Juliet for the MTV generation 

Yes, this was “Romeo + Juliet” for the MTV generation and as horrific as such pronouncement seems today; it was slightly less of an insult at the time. In 1996 MTV still had certain culture relevance then. In 1996 you could turn on MTV and actually watch a music video. It was before Britney and the Backstreet Boys took music back to the dark ages.

Connecting Shakespeare and the MTV generation was a stroke of genius on the part of Baz Luhrmann. He brought these two portions of world culture together in ways that no one thought possible. Baz Luhrmann made Shakespeare significant to an audience that otherwise might have thought his work was staid and dusty, something that teachers forced them to read but had no relevance to their lives.

A place in history lost

Baz Luhrmann’s “Romeo + Juliet” somehow never gained the mainstream acceptance it so richly deserved. Though it was a worldwide hit, earning more than 140 million dollars on a budget of a paltry 14 million dollars, its place in pop culture history was quickly consumed by another re-telling of Shakespeare’s doomed lovers’ tale, James Cameron’s “Titanic.” 

Movie Review The Happening

The Happening (2008) 

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

Written by M. Night Shyamalan

Starring Mark Wahlberg, Zoey Deschanel, John Leguizamo

Release Date July 13th, 2008

Published July 12, 2008 

M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening is awful in the most unique and spectacular way. It leaves me with this strange excitement and curiosity, the kind usually inspired by a really good movie. For instance, when I saw I'm Not There, the Bob Dylan bio, I was so excited I wanted to know more about Dylan, read his books, interviews and especially, I wanted to hear his music.

With The Happening I feel quite similar. I am devouring interviews with Shyamalan and the opinions of fellow critics who seem thus far not to grasp the enormity of the spectacular awfulness of The Happening. I am desperately searching for a clue as to whether M. Night Shyamalan is an elaborate genius who has fooled us all with not a movie but a prank. Or is The Happening really intended as a supernatural horror film in the tradition of the B-Movie feature. Is this blinding mess of a movie a real attempt on his part or the most elaborate punking in history. Is M. Night Shyamalan the next Andy Kaufman or the next Coleman Francis?

The Happening would be the ultimate meta-parody if Shyamalan did indeed intend to make us laugh. However, I think he meant to do this. I think he intended to make this movie and believed it to be frightening, suspenseful and well acted. If that is the case. then what I witnessed is the ultimate career self immolation in history. The thing about self immolation for me. I don't get it. But I do admire the commitment it so obviously requires. The dedication to a cause so obviously lost is, at the very least, impressive.

By now I should have delved into the plot and given you some impression of what the movie is about, the action that is taking place. I can't bring myself to do that here because really there isn't a plot. There is some stuff that happens; but no real thesis statement or rallying cry. Those who choose the path of least resistance and take the film at face value will tell you it is an environmental fable. Trees release toxins causing humans to line up and kill themselves in grizzly fashion. That is an easy description but the truly keen observer will note that no one really knows what is happening in The Happening.

Those who choose the path of least resistance and take the film at face value will tell you it is an environmental fable. Trees release toxins causing humans to line up and kill themselves in grizzly fashion. That is an easy description but the truly keen observer will note that no one ever actually reasons what is happening in The Happening. So coy is Shyamalan about the hidden evil of his horror epic that you never really know what or if indeed anything is Happening? Trees or terrorists? The CIA? George freaking Bush? Who knows. Shyamalan, doesn't seem to know and from the lackadaisical approach to plot and character, he doesn't seem to really care.

Who does care? Mark Wahlberg seems to. The star of The Happening is committed to this mess and sacrifices dignity and career to satisfy whatever he thinks is Shyamalan's vision. It's an astonishing performance of earnest honesty and blind commitment. To what? He has no idea. Wahlberg I'm sure was hoping Shyamalan would bring it all together in the editing room. Remember, this guy survived the chaos of David O. Russell in I Heart Huckabees. He's used to weirdo directors and scripts that seem to have a mind of their own beyond his character.

Unfortunately for Wahlberg, where Russell did indeed have a point of view to satisfy with his chaotic approach, Shyamalan either betrayed him with this practical joke or had no such perspective at all. Poor Zooey Deschanel comes off even more dazed than Wahlberg. Not only is she lost and confused by the material, Deschanel brings a level of sitcom kitsch to her performance that leaves her looking as if she wandered into the wrong movie. Certain scenes, like avoiding the call of an unwanted admirer or her potential pregnancy seem like takes for her Dharma & Greg audition in some alternative universe.

John Leguizamo is at least left with his dignity as his character checks out early enough to avoid the stench, the same cannot be said for journeyman character actor Frank Collison whose tandem monologues about hot dogs and plants will have even diehard Mystery Science Theater fans hitting the eject button. So folks, there you have it. Is M. Night Shyamalan the living legacy of the great comic genius Andy Kaufman? Is The Happening his equivalent of Kaufman reading the Great Gatsby until the audience simply became irritated and walked out?

Or is Shyamalan really a modern day Coleman Francis who got lucky a couple times at the box office but in reality is a guy who should be making movies in his basement with friends and cronies from some small town movie fiefdom. Does he live in that Ed Wood like cocoon of sycophants and well wishers who allowed Wood to go on for years without acknowledging his utter ineptitude? Unfortunately dear reader, you will have to see The Happening in order to form an opinion on that. The simple answer is the cocoon of sycophants. The more intriguing and satisfying choice is the practical joke. I believe the first answer, I long for the second.

Movie Review: The Lincoln Lawyer

The Lincoln Lawyer (2011) 

Directed by Brad Furman

Written by John Romano 

Starring Matthew McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, Josh Lucas, John Leguizamo, Michael Pena 

Release Date March 18th, 2011

Published March 17th, 2011 

The Lincoln Lawyer” is fabulous pop entertainment. The story of a slippery L.A lawyer, played by the slick and stylish Matthew McConaughey, “The Lincoln Lawyer unfolds a clever mystery populated with colorful characters and the kinds of twists and turns that one wants from a mainstream pop thriller. The story is well told with unexpected twists, funny asides, and the mild danger of a Hollywood popcorn thriller. 

Mick Haller (McConaughey) doesn’t chase ambulances, he has a chauffeur to do the chasing for him. Most of Mick’s clients however, aren’t the injured more often he is defending the one delivering the injury. His latest case however, is a little different. Instead of some thug or druggie, Mick is called on to defend a privileged twit named Louis Roulet (Ryan Phillippe) who is accused of having assaulted a prostitute.

At first Mick thinks he may have one of those rare clients, one who is actually innocent. There is evidence to suggest that the sex worker, on whom the charges hinge, could have targeted the rich punk and set him up for a payday. But, with a little snooping by Mick’s pal Frank (William H. Macy), evidence emerges that not only rocks Mick’s notion of Louis’s innocence but also the reason why this spoiled rich kid sought out a lawyer like him.

Matthew McConaughey should only play lawyers in movies. McConaughey has mastered the glad-handing, underhandedness of a low rent shyster, all oily charm and dirty tricks. He can be forgiven for cheating a little because he is so damned handsome and fun to talk to. He has that lean in and look deeply into your eyes thing of a classic pick up artist, only he doesn’t use it on just the ladies, he’s seducing whoever is in front of him, especially us in the audience.

When McConaughey isn’t playing a lawyer his vapid, fratboy-ness tends to come out and his acting becomes gratingly nonchalant. For some reason, the law inspires a little passion in this immensely laid back star. Such was the case with his break out role as another slick lawyer in “A Time to Kill” where McConaughey turned the phrase ‘now imagine she’s white’ into a gut punch finale to a closing argument.

Yes, “A Time to Kill” was showy and often mawkish but McConaughey’s performance was an undeniable grabber. The passion in his eyes and the feeling in his voice, it was a combination of Paul Newman’s good looks and Robert Redford’s integrity. McConaughey has never matched that performance and likely never will.

“The Lincoln Lawyer” is inferior to “A Time to Kill” but it does share a pop entertainment sensibility with that John Grisham adaptation, likely because it too is an adaptation of a legal thriller, this one by Michael Connelly. Light on the legalese and heavy on the charm, The Lincoln Lawyer has a familiar, comforting rhythm like “A Time to Kill” and a better sense of humor, it only lacks the deeper emotional appeal.

And then there is the mystery which unfolds with a strong logic with an unexpected twist here and there. I’m sure if you lean a little too hard on “The Lincoln Lawyer” the plot might just crumble but McConaughey’s charm acts like varnish over the cracks in the film’s plausibility. If you love well made pop entertainment, legal thrillers or Matthew McConaughey, you will be endlessly entertained by “The Lincoln Lawyer.”