Movie Review: Unbroken

Unbroken (2014) 

Directed by Angelina Jolie 

Written by Joel Coen, Ethan Coen, Richard LaGravenese, William Nicholson

Starring Jack O'Connell, Domhnall Gleeson, Miyavi, Garrett Hedlund, Finn Whitrock

Release Date December 25th, 2014

Published December 24th, 2014 

Angelina Jolie's "Unbroken" is an incredibly powerful experience. The story of real life war hero Louis Zamperini is a confidently directed film that evokes the best of Clint Eastwood, Jolie's director on "Changeling," while also showing Jolie as a sensitive, inquisitive and assured artist. Far more accomplished and commercial than her directorial debut "In the Land of Blood and Honey," "Unbroken" is the announcement of Angelina Jolie as a director of exceptional talent.

"Unbroken," based on a book by Laura Hillenbrand, tells the story of Zamperini, the son of Italian immigrant parents. He became an Olympic athlete and then a war hero, fighting in World War II in the Pacific. Zamperini, played by English actor Jack O'Connell, was just a teenager when he traveled to Germany to compete in the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. He was barely into his 20s when he was sent to the Pacific Theater and wound up spending 45 days on a raft after the crash of his B1 bomber.

For most, a plane crash and surviving for 45 days in a raft with two other soldiers would be enough for a lifetime. But Zamperini's story has barely begun. Zamperini and fellow crash survivor Russell Allen "Phil" Phillips were saved from their predicament. Unfortunately, their rescue was a Japanese war ship off the coast of Marshall Island, a Japanese stronghold in 1943. Zamperini would spend the next two years, until the very end of World War II, in Japanese prisoner-of-war camps. On top of that, his status as an American Olympic athlete earned him the ire of the sadistic Japanese camp commander Matsushiro Watanaba, nicknamed “The Bird.”

The Bird repeatedly tortured Zamperini, forcing him to race camp guards, despite his obviously emaciated condition. When Zamperini loses the race, The Bird strikes him with a bamboo cane, a sadistic device that The Bird employs almost exclusively in relation to Zamperini. A bizarre relationship develops between the two, one that Zamperini doesn't want but indulges to avoid further torture. The Bird chooses to confide in Zamperini as if they are somehow bonded. This strange bond is what pays off the film's final, triumphant moments, when The Bird gives Zamperini an almost-impossible task and Zamperini uses what strength and will he has left to stick it to The Bird.

That Zamperini survived the war is remarkable given the extraordinary obstacles he faced. Director Jolie dramatizes these obstacles in visceral, frightening fashion. The crisp, beautiful cinematography of Roger Deakins, likely on his way to a 12th Oscar nomination, gives "Unbroken" a classic Hollywood look without taking away any of the gut-wrenching power of the story. The film proceeds fearlessly from one set piece to the next, creating both a entertaining and moving portrait of an American hero without becoming simpleminded hagiography.

Much credit belongs to star Jack O'Connell, who delivers a natural, human performance. O'Connell captures the complex dimensions of Zamperini, who began the war as a devout agnostic and slowly came to give his life completely to God. Stories abound about Zamperini who, after the war, preached the word of God and traveled back to Japan to meet with the guards who tortured him for two solid years. Zamperini returned to forgive them for what they did and to tell them about the word of Jesus Christ. Zamperini allegedly even converted a couple of his former tormentors (but The Bird refused to see Zamperini).

Jolie beautifully captures the life and defining faith of Zamperini in "Unbroken." It's easy to be cynical about how someone who survived such trauma would have a “come to Jesus” moment, but "Unbroken" doesn't linger on that. Instead, Jolie sticks to the fact of Zamperini's faith that created within him the will to survive and drove him to become an inspiration to his fellow prisoners.

"Unbroken" is a remarkable portrait of heroism and triumph, filled with rich details of an extraordinary life. Here’s a man who punched a shark, even captured and ate a shark raw. He accomplished incredible feats in about a decade of his life that was so vast its individual pieces could be complete movies on their own. 

That Jolie has made this life into one singular, incredible film is another feat to be celebrated.

Movie Review Kung Fu Panda 2

Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011) 

Directed by Jennifer Yuh Nelson

Written by Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger 

Starring Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Seth Rogen, David Cross, Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman

Release Date May 26th, 2011

Published May 26th, 2011

I long ago discovered that the best thing about the job of film critic is being surprised. It's also the rarest occurrence in the job. Rarely do movies, especially big time, mainstream blockbusters, surprise people whose job it is to write about movies. "Kung Fu Panda 2" surprised me in a big way. The animation, the story and the laughs were each an astonishing improvement over the original.

Roly Poly Kung Fu Master

Jack Black once again provides the voice of Po the panda aka The Dragon Warrior. Now the leader of the vaunted furious five, including Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Crane (David Cross) Monkey (Jackie Chan), Viper (Lucy Liu) and Mantis (Seth Rogen), Po is still a roly poly panda but now he's great at kung fu.

There is still much for Po to learn however, as Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) explains; Po now must learn inner peace. Lately, Po has been troubled by nightmares that may actually be memories of his past. Never having known his real parents, Po is suddenly becoming aware of what happened to them and how he ended up in the care of Mr. Ping (James Hong).

A Warrior of Black and White

The key to Po's past happens to coincide deeply with the rise of a new villain in China, a peacock named Shen (Gary Oldman). With his new weapon against Kung Fu, Shen intends to enslave all of China but an old soothsayer (Michelle Yeoh) has predicted his doom at the hands of a warrior of black and white.

Simple Yet Complex

I'll end my plot description there to avoid spoilers. Surprisingly, the creators of "Kung Fu Panda 2" have crafted a plot that requires discretion on the part of critics because the plot has complexity and payoffs that are much more enjoyable the less you know going in. Most kids movies forgo such complications but "Kung Fu Panda 2" writers Jonathan Aibel and Glen Berger along with director Jennifer Yuh have pulled off the remarkably difficult task of crafting a plot that is simple enough for kids to follow yet complex enough to involve adults.

The animation has great depth as well as director Yuh combines modern CG animation with touches of old school, Disney style animation. Avoid the 3D version of "Kung Fu Panda 2" and you will be rewarded with bright, beautiful colors that pop off of the screen in far more dazzling ways than a murky 3D image can deliver.

Kung Fu Panda 2 is Very Funny

I should also mention that "Kung Fu Panda 2" is really funny on top of being an involving story. Jack Black wonderfully inhabits Po and the energy and excitement he brings to each line of dialogue is terrific. What he brings to "Kung Fu Panda 2" that was lacking in the original is a slight touch of sensitivity in his voice that really nails the few really dramatic moments of "Kung Fu Panda 2."

There I go again, selling short comedies. Honestly, "Kung Fu Panda 2" is first and foremost a funny kid's movie. The creators have this time merely added a little sophistication to the storytelling, deepened the character of Po and crafted a back story with real resonance that could sustain yet another sequel.

Dreamworks Animation's Best Movie Yet

"Kung Fu Panda 2" is a wonderful movie. Director Jennifer Yuh and her team have given such careful attention to detail and nuance that they have crafted something far better than you could ever expect of a blockbuster sequel. "Kung Fu Panda 2" is funny and sweet with a big heart and a few honestly moving dramatic moments that recall the best of classic Disney and Pixar animated features and may be the best animated feature thus far crafted by the team at Dreamworks Animation, topping even their delightful "How To Train Your Dragon."

Movie Review: Wanted

Wanted (2008) 

Directed by Timur Bekmambetov

Written by Michael Brandt, Derek Haas, Chris Morgan

Starring Angelina Jolie, James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Terrence Stamp, Common, Chris Pratt

Release Date June 27th, 2008

Published June 27th, 2008 

For years Angelina Jolie has been a lot of flash and little cash at the box office. It seemed she was a bigger draw in the gossip columns than she was at the box office, her star power better suited to selling People and Us Weekly than her movies. With the release of the new ultra-violent action flick Wanted however, things have definitely changed.

Though Wanted is ostensibly about James McAvoy's rookie assassin, the ad campaign made quite clear that Ms. Jolie's killer pout and outstanding derriere were the real draws of this summer mind melter.

Wanted stars James McAvoy as a sadsack cubicle drone who finds himself the target of the world's greatest assassin. It seems that McAvoy's Wesley Gibson just happens to be the progeny of another of the world's greatest assassins and that the ability to kill with precision is a genetic trait that doesn't skip a generation.

Helping to hone Wesley's heretofore unknown talents is an elite group of assassins known as The Fraternity. Lead by Sloan (Morgan Freeman), The Fraternity of assassins dedicated to meting out fate as delivered to them by an ancient loom that can see the future. No, I'm NOT KIDDING! With the help of his trainer, Fox (Jolie), Wesley is to be trained to track down the man who killed his father, Mr X (David O'Hara).

Russian born director Timur Bekmambetov became a world wide sensation everywhere except in America with his series of Russian vampire series Nightwatch, Daywatch and the upcoming Twilight Watch. These stylish, high impact action flicks are on the cutting edge of special effects and likely would have been major hits were it not for the subtitles.

Taking elements of The Matrix and creating a killer trilogy mythology, BekMambetov has set box office records in his home country. For his American debut Bekmambetov brought along his talent for bombast and left behind his talent for mythology and grand storytelling. That may be due to him having left the screenplay duties to Americans Derek Haas and Michael Brandt.

These junk food junkie Americans cram a candy bar full of action and effects into Wanted and neglect anything close to a meal in terms of storytelling. This is brain free American entertainment of the most outrageous level and that it works is a testament for our love of true junk. As bad romantic comedies can be well equated with chocolate, Wanted is the Red Bull of movies, all caffeine.

Angelina Jolie has always dripped with sexuality but few films have played that aspect of Ms. Jolie as well as Wanted. Rather than be merely offensive with it's obvious objectification of Ms. Jolie, Wanted makes it the central preoccupation of Wesley, our hero. With Wesley focused on Ms. Jolie's assets (ahem) so are we. The forced perspective has a way of turning the objectification into a form of worship rather than something entirely sleezy.

So what of Mr. McAvoy? He is actually the perfect choice for a role such as this. A bigger star would be less 'believable', in terms of this movie, not believable in any real sense of the word, (CONTEXT PEOPLE!). Because McAvoy has never played a role such as this we have few expectations of him. He exceeds any and all expectations  by miles and we can't help but be roped into his world and his experiences as he seems to react as an average person might and not just a movie character.

That said, as good as Ms. Jolie and Mr. McAvoy are, Wanted is a relatively dull witted picture. Bouncing as it does from one overly loud set piece to the next, Wanted is not a film to attend if one is searching for the deep and meaningful. Like last year's Shoot'Em Up, a slightly more entertaining version of the same Red Bull style action movie, Wanted is all about the quick shot of adrenaline and little else.

This style is entertaining while your watching it but unless you take notes as I do, it's forgotten by the time you get to your car. Wanted is pure brain free entertainment for the videogame and energy drink crowd. Skip it if you like your movies with a little more meat on their  bones. If however, you are searching for a movie that will be in and out of your consciousness like a freight train, Wanted is the movie for you.

Movie Review Kung Fu Panda

Kung Fu Panda (2008) 

Directed by John Stevenson, Mark Osborne

Written by Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger 

Starring Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Ian McShane, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, David Cross

Release Date June 6th, 2008

Published June 6th, 2008

With his mischievous eyes and roli poli-ness, Jack Black is like a super cute cartoon character come to life. Real fans know there is an edge to Jables, especially teamed with his pal Kay Gee, but for the little one who knows him from School of Rock and his voicework as the wimpy shark in A Shark's Tale, he is a figure of comic cuddliness.

Who better than to play a giant, cuddly furball who dreams of kung fu glory. In Kung Fu Panda Jack Black stars as Po. As a panda he is not the most likely kung fu master. Nevertheless, when a legendary kung fu master declares that he will, after decades of wait, name the dragon warrior, the master who brings peace to all of China, it is no mistake that Po somehow is the panda for the job.

This despite the presence of the Furious Five, a collection of the greatest warriors in all of China, all trained endlessly for decades by the legendary master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman). Surely Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Monkey (Jackie Chan), Snake (Lucy Liu), Crane (David Cross) or Mantis (Seth Rogan), should be the dragon master.

But no, it's Po and his first great challenge is just days away. The evil Tai Lung (Ian McShane) has escaped from prison and is coming for the dragon warrior. Can Po learn decades worth of Kung Fu in a couple of days or will he give in to his usual laziness and leave the fighting to the Furious Five? You now the answer to that question. Luckily, Kung Fu Panda has other virtues to make it appealing beyond the predictable story. Filled with terrific cartoon slapstick and a terrific all star voice cast Kung Fu Panda is breezy, good natured fun.

Yes, it lacks the kind of intellectual and emotional undercurrents that make the Pixar films so wonderfully memorable and it doesn't have the strong social conscience of March's Horton Hears A Who. What Kung Fu Panda lacks in depth and intellect it nearly makes up for in sweet, child-like good nature.

You and your kids aren't likely to remember Kung Fu Panda long after you see it but while it's on it's a pleasant distraction; perfect for a lazy Saturday afternoon matinee.

Movie Review Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004) 

Directed by Kerry Conran

Written by Kerry Conran

Starring Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, Giovanni Ribisi, Bai Ling, Michael Gambon

Release Date September 17th, 2004

Published September 17th, 2004 

Call me a Luddite if you wish, but I just don't like the way computer technology is encroaching on modern filmmaking. With the release of Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow, we have our first example of a movie made with real actors and no real locations. We are not far from a film with no real actors. Final Fantasy was technically speaking animation, I am speaking more of technology of the kind used in the little seen Pacino movie Simone where America's top actress was entirely created on a computer.

This is disturbing to me because when you pay so much attention to technology, what most often gets lost is real art. Dialogue, characters and acting are the casualties of too much technology. Look at Bruckheimer films, so much attention paid to blowing things up and not nearly enough attention to creating plots, dialogue or characters. Some could point to Pixar's animated features as an example of great plot and dialogue combined with top of the line computer technology and they have a point. Still, an animated character will never replace a great human character like Indiana Jones or The Bride from Kill Bill, at least not to me.

That brings us back to Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow, which is technologically well realized. However, when it comes to dialogue, plot and characters, the film is shallow and conventional.

Gwyneth Paltrow stars as intrepid reporter Polly Perkins. Polly has stumbled upon the story of the century, the world's top scientists are disappearing and Polly has the inside track toward finding the supervillain behind the kidnappings. Her story is interrupted when giant metal robots invade New York City and only Joe Sullivan (Jude Law) a.k.a. Sky Captain can stop them.

Joe and Polly have a personal history, they used to be an item years earlier but broke up badly. Now because Polly has information Joe needs and Joe has the story Polly needs, the two are reunited and bickering like a divorced couple. Regardless, they must work together to find the missing scientists who will lead them to the supervillain known as Totenkopf. They are aided by Joe's sidekick and gadget man Dex Dearborn (Giovonni Ribisi) and British flying ace Frankie Cook (Angelina Jolie) who, like Polly, has a personal history with Joe.

For a film as unconventional in its technological creation, its plot is actually rather mundane. It's an adventure lifted directly from a 1940's Errol Flynn movie. A nice homage but it fails to hold up for a full-length modern feature. The plot is highly predictable and relies on any number of contrivances to arrive at its predestined outcomes. The technology has evolved but the ability to create a screenplay that doesn't rely on an obviously stupid decision by a character that should know better still persists.

The acting is a little off, likely because of the technology. There is a big difference between acting on a set and acting against a blue screen. You’re reacting to things that aren't there and when you're forced to remember exactly where you're standing or where the fake tree is or the fake animal attacking you is, it's difficult to concentrate on delivering lines and reacting to real flesh and blood co-stars.

The technology has improved so that acting against a blue screen is not as awful looking as it was in the 60’s drive-in movie era. However, just because everything looks seamless onscreen doesn't make the acting any easier and the strain is evident on each of these actors.

Jude Law, who I believe is in every movie being released this fall, has the kind of glamorous good looks to play the heroic Sky Captain but there is something in his performance that is just a little off. Law has this mischievous glint in his eye, he's always had it and it's always been an asset. However, in a role that calls for earnest heroism, that glint seems out of place. There is just a hint of irony to everything he says, an irony that is out of place in a film that is so ingrained in its faked time period.

Gwyneth Paltrow, one of my favorite actresses, also is just slightly off. Her trouble comes more from the script than from her performance. Her Polly Perkins is required to do things that keep the plot going, things that if the character were as smart as she's supposed to be, she wouldn't do them. She does these stupid things because if she didn't, the movie would be over. If you can't make the plot work without compromising your characters then you need to keep working on it. Of course, when you have so much technology to worry about you just don't have time to devote to your plot.

In a recent column, I wrote of how disturbed I was about Sky Captain using the image of the late Sir Laurence Olivier as a character in the film. I am happy to report that my concerns were greatly overblown. The film does not employ Sir Laurence's image in any way that is overly disturbing or abusive. I don't want to give anything away about how he is used because it might reveal too much, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

The computer technology of Sky Captain is impressive. Some of the imagery is quite striking. I especially enjoyed the flying British aircraft carriers and the blimps. Very impressive stuff. I also enjoyed the film’s gauzy look that makes it feel aged to its 30’s. The film looks like one of Ted Turner's colorized black and white movies, and although colorization is blasphemy, this film just has a similar look.

Writer-Director Kerry Conran is clearly a fan of classic sci-fi of the 30's and 40's and if you share that love you are going to like Sky Captain a whole lot. There are numerous homages to old movies like King Kong or Errol Flynn's numerous adventure movies. The Wizard Of Oz is used effectively in more ways than one. This love of film classics is admirable and quite enjoyable if you know your history. Keep your eyes open for a number of visual references to classic films.

With the technology and the homages to classic films, I can't be surprised that some things would get lost in the shuffle. Unfortunately, what gets lost is characters, dialogue and plot. There is no doubt that if you’re into technology you will be blown away by what you see in Sky Captain and what could possibly be done with this technology in the future. For me though, no amount of technology can replace the thrill of charismatic characters delivering smart dialogue inside a complicated plot.

Movie Review: Beowulf

Beowulf (2007) 

Directed by Robert Zemeckis

Written by Neil Gaiman, Roger Avary 

Starring Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich, Robin Wright Penn

Release Date November 16th, 2007

Published November 16th, 2007

Allow me to admit my bias against Beowulf right here at the begin of my review. I am not a fan of the technology used to bring this literary classic to life. My preference has been and will always be in favor of real, flesh and blood actors over the computer simulations. The entirely CGI approach of director Robert Zemeckis does absolutely nothing for me.

Some find the technology to be mind blowing, I find it to be lifeless, like watching someone else play a video game. The fact is, this technology hasn't impressed me since 1998's breakthrough animated flick Final Fantasy. That film lacked life as well but was a technical revelation that Robert Zemeckis has been chasing ever since.

Zemeckis' Beowulf like his kiddie flick The Polar Express has done little to improve upon the motion capture animation that made Final Fantasy a breakthrough nearly a decade ago. Though some will say that the eyes of the character are more lively and their movements are less herky jerky, I didn't notice the difference. Then again, I'm biased.

Ray Winstone donned the doodads and googahs to bring himself to CGI life as a gym rat looking Beowulf. All rippling muscle and blustery boastfulness, Beowulf comes to this nameless Danish kingdom in order to slay a demon who hates merriment. Each time the good time charlies of the kingdom get together for some music and some mead, the demon appears and tears them limb from limb.

Enter Beowulf and his army of viking-esque conquerors. Taking time from their raping and pillaging to take advantage of the bounty on the demon's head, Beowulf and company stake out the King's (Anthony Hopkins) mead hall and begin a massive party meant to draw the ire of the demon. It works, but when the demon, Grendel (Crispin Glover), arrive he manages to kill half of Beowulf's men.

Beowulf however, does manage to kill the demon and is soon after named the heir to the king's throne. Not before he is once again pressed into demon killing duty to take on Grendel's mother (Angelina Jolie). Beowulf's showdown with Grendel's mother seems like a success but in reality only maintains a long standing curse on the kingdom that Beowulf soon comes to rule as king.

The last act, with Beowulf as an old man taking on one last battle, is the most compelling of the film but by that point I wasn't all that engaged in this videogame writ large. I simply could not find a way inside this cold, impersonal form of filmmaking. It's not just the creepy looking technologically rendered characters but the storytelling gimmicks employed by director Robert Zemeckis and writers Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery.

The story itself plays like a group of middle aged guys trying to relate to their teenage sons by adopting the hip lingo of the day. Imagine your dad using the phrase 'bling bling' and you get my meaning. Beowulf apes the hip action of 300 but with a tin ear toward why teens went for that blood, guts and technology event.

300 succeeded as a hip music video version of history. Beowulf is classic rock to 300's Finger 11. (Is that a hip reference or what? Hey kids?) 

Putting the ugly technology aside Beowulf, as voiced by the great Ray Winstone, is something of a feckless hero. He boasts of killing copious sea monsters, the number of which changes with every telling of his story. He boasts of killing many demons but even the one he does kill isn't nearly as impressive as the story he fabricates about the killing.

Indeed much of the tale of brave Beowulf comes from his own fantastical storytelling. I get that this is supposed to be his torturous character flaw but it turned me off from the first moment and even when his moment of redemption arrives, late in the third act, I wasn't all that moved. Of course, this could be further attributed to the technology of Beowulf. I can't say whether a flesh and blood actor might have made this character more compelling.

This idea that CGI can compete with real flesh and blood actors is absolutely ludicrous. Take a moment to ponder the lead performance of Ray Winstone in Beowulf and juxtapose it against his minor supporting turn in The Departed and there is no contest. Winstone in person in The Departed is far more interesting than any shred of the fake Ray Winstone crafted in Beowulf.

Frankly, my reaction to Winstone in Beowulf is one of embarrassment. I feel bad for this fine actor that he must be subjected to this treatment in Beowulf. That he must undergo CGI plastic surgery to find stardom in mainstream movies is a sad commentary. Ray Winstone is so much more moving in the flesh than he ever could be in rippling CGI muscle.

The supporting characters are even less interesting. Anthony Hopkins bellows his way through the role of the aging king. Robin Wright Penn's Queen is a lovely CGI rendered beauty but something of a wet blanket in the end. Beowulf's men, including the usually terrific Brenden Gleeson, are colorful but are mostly cannon fodder for the demons.

Only Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mother registers beyond the technology. Though she looks like Angelina Jolie rendered in videogame form, this is a videogame I would love to play. Jolie looks gorgeous in her animated nudity, the naughty bits barely covered by a sheen of gold that forever coats her demon self. Her storyline is undercooked and forgettable but Zemeckis can atleast claim to have created the sexiest cartoon since Jessica Rabbit.

Whether that is something to be proud of I will leave you to answer for yourself.

So what is the point of Beowulf? Reading Roger Ebert's review you get the impression that it is something of a satire. I however, saw the film as deathly self serious, for the most part, with a few moments of ill-conceived humor that feel off key and out of place. Take for instance the extended Austin Powers gag that features a naked Beowulf conveniently placed behind any number of gag props to cover his manhood.

Why must Beowulf be nude? A nod to the underwear models of 300? Maybe, but I don't know for sure. All I know is that Beowulf is quite uncomfortably nude and taking part in scenes that Jerry Seinfeld would no doubt classify as bad naked, as opposed to the Angelina Jolie nude scenes which are entirely good naked in the most gratuitous fashion.

I say nude and yet we are talking about a PG 13 movie. Curious? Somehow the MPAA classifies animated nudity as not being nudity. Of course with Beowulf's little Beowulf conveniently hidden behind a series of props, we have no real test of the MPAA's stomach on the issue of animated nudity. Jolie too is conveniently covered with dripping gold over her naughty bit. This must mean something to the oddballs at the MPAA.

Stranger than the films approach to nudity, and the MPAA's standards for such, is the attitude taken toward violence in the film and by the standard setters. Beowulf is exceptionally bloody and violent in the same blood spurting vein as 300. Yet, without the CGI nakedness, 300 is rated R and Beowulf is PG-13. Beowulf is covered in blood, heads ripped from bodies, limbs and flesh copiously torn and yet the MPAA never feels as if 13 year old children should be protected? What then were they so concerned about with 300?

I must say that I love the kink of CGI nudity and violence messing with the stale minds of the MPAA censors. That they must render a decision on such utter ridiculousness as the sight of animated boobs is terrifically funny.

That I have spent the past few paragraphs discussing things about Beowulf that have little to do with the quality of the film itself should give you a good sense of how little I cared for it overall. I have no interest in discussing the entertainment value of the action or my reactions to the climactic scenes or to the 3D rendering, because my reactions weren't nearly as interesting as the jokey elements on the periphery of this self serious CGI cartoon.

I'm biased. I want real, flesh and blood actors and will accept no substitute. Like the much reviled Jar Jar Binks, Beowulf is an impressive work of technology but he remains lifeless and unmoving to me. Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins and Angelina Jolie do more with the glint in their eyes and the lines of their faces than could ever be captured by a computer. Acting is a physical profession. It is a mind, body, soul profession that communicates emotions and ideas beyond mere words.

The lifeless videogame characters of Beowulf, whether rendered in 3D or flat 2d, can never compel as well as a real life, flesh and blood actor. This is the failure of Beowulf and any film that follows the ludicrous idea that our stars can be replaced with computer chips.

Movie Review Salt

Salt (2010) 

Directed by Phillip Noyce

Written by Kurt Wimmer

Starring Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Andre Braugher

Release Date July 23rd, 2010 

Published July 22nd, 2010 

Can a movie run on pure rocket fuel adrenalin? The answer is yes but only when your star has the astonishing star power of Angelina Jolie. “Salt,” directed by Phillip Noyce, begins with a jolt and after a few moments of exposition to set the stakes it sets off on a pace that makes “Fast and the Furious” look like “The Remains of the Day.”

Angelina Jolie is Evelyn Salt, a CIA Agent who is accused by a Russian defector (Daniel Olbrychski) of being a Russian sleeper agent tasked with killing the Russian President. Naturally, Salt claims she is being set up and just as naturally no one, aside from her partner Winters (Liev Schreiber) believes her.

Internal Affairs Agent Peabody (Chiwitel Ejiofor) certainly doesn't believe her and intends on detaining her but with her husband (August Diehl) having gone missing and the defector having escaped, Salt takes it on herself to escape to chase the baddie, find her husband and prevent the job she's allegedly been tasked with from taking place.

There is a great deal going on plot wise in “Salt“and not one iota of it matters in the least to the success of the film. “Salt” is a film that exists purely as propulsion. The action proceeds at a pace that distracts from the whacked plot and seems intended to do just that.

Director Phillip Noyce and screenwriter Kurt Wimmer have constructed a movie so convoluted that the entire film functions as a weird Rube Goldberg experiment that relies desperately on the next ludicrous yet intricately designed, rapid fire action scene. In one of the biggest and most outlandish scenes in the film Jolie leaps from one moving truck to another and then another all while being chased and shot at. The physics are laughable but if you treat it like the inside joke between filmmaker and audience that it may in fact be and you can really have some fun.

Angelina Jolie is both gorgeous and badass with just a touch of vulnerability. Those lips and that body draw you in and the rest keeps you riveted to the screen waiting to see what she will do next. “Salt” was initially written for a male protagonist and Tom Cruise was rumored for the lead. Seeing “Salt” on the big screen it's impossible to imagine anyone but Ms. Jolie, she owns this role with style, sex, charisma and an almost physical command of the screen.

Of course, if you pause for a moment and pull the plot apart it would crumble like a bad game of Jenga but like I said “Salt” has little time for a plot. “Salt” is a perpetual motion machine of gunfights, car chases, foot chases ,and Angelina Jolie's unstoppable charisma. Take it for what it is and ask for nothing more and you will be satisfied with “Salt.”

Movie Review: A Mighty Heart

A Mighty Heart (2007)

Directed by Michael Winterbottom 

Written by John Orloff

Starring Angelina Jolie, Dan Futterman, Irfan Khan

Release Date June 22nd, 2007

Published June 21st, 2007 

The death of journalist Daniel Pearl is one of the seminal moments in the history of middle east terrorism; post 9/11. In the post 9/11 world few deaths were as shocking, brutal and senseless as that of the Wall Street Journal's middle east bureau chief. Pearl was chasing a story when he was killed and whether he was set up as a suspected CIA spy or randomly taken because he was an American and Jewish; only deepens the intrigue and the tragedy of his death.

The movie A Mighty Heart tells the story behind the death of Daniel Pearl from the perspective of his wife Mariane and the police officers who searched high and low trying to save his life. It's a gut-wrenching story and one that is instructive of the bravery it takes to live in and report in the age of terror.

In January of 2002 Daniel Pearl (Dan Futterman) left his temporary home in Karachi Pakistan for a meeting he hoped would give him an important insight into the story of Richard Reed, aka the shoe bomber. Daniel has been warned that the man he is meeting with is quite dangerous and that the meeting should take place in public, something Daniel assures colleagues will be the case.

Unfortunately, Daniel Pearl would not return home that night. While friends gathered at his home with his pregnant wife Mariane (Angelina Jolie), Daniel was taken hostage and disappeared into the black hole of Karachi's terrorist underground. It will be days before photos emerge of Daniel being held by terrorists we will later learn are affiliated with Al Qaeda.

The film A Mighty Heart from director Michael Winterbottom, unfolds with a documentary style, handheld camera, look that makes every scene burn with immediacy. We are thrust immediately from Daniel Pearl's disappearance into the frantic search lead by Mariane and her friend and fellow journalist Nasirin (Sairah Khan) who jump right into the investigation of who Daniel met with that day and when.

Their research is very useful to the Pakistani police lead by the Captain (Irfan Khan) who allows Daniel's wife and friends and fellow journalists to play an active role in the investigation. The American government is quick to pitch in as well as US envoy Randall Bennett (Will Patton) pledges as much US government support possible.

As A Mighty Heart unfolds Michael Winterbottom's approach gains the momentum of a large rock rolling down a hill. It is at once a fast moving ride and a droning, numbing procession toward a known conclusion. The fact that we know Daniel Pearl is going to die does not take away from the excitement of the chase, which is rather reminiscent of a very good episode of Law & Order.

The problem is that the pace of the investigation and the fast paced tone of the storytelling causes the films heart to recede into the background. Though Mariane Pearl is at the center of most of the action, her husband Daniel seems to disappear inside this narrative and never emerges. Then there are times when even Mariane fades into the background as the search for the terrorists moves front and center.

While I wish we could know Daniel Pearl better we do get a good sense of his heart from the portrayal of his wife Mariane by Angelina Jolie. This is a wrenching, heart breaking performance. One of, if not the, best performance of Ms. Jolie's career. Her Mariane Pearl is fierce and defensive but also quite vulnerable and romantic. Her spirited defense of her husband's pursuit of a story, even in risking his own life to get it, is one of the films most powerful moments.

Another compelling performance is that of Indian actor Irfan Khan in his American movie debut. Khan plays the captain, the lead Pakistani investigator in the search for Daniel Pearl. The performance is strong and determined however, as the investigation takes center stage in the films second act, the film becomes more remote and distant. The chase scenes and interrogations are tense and well shot in Winterbottom's documentary style but what is lost are the characters whose stories are being told, Daniel and Mariane Pearl.

A Mighty Heart is a consistently compelling but remote drama that suffers a documentary style approach that places to much distance between us in the audience and the tragedy that unfolds before us. Director Michael Winterbottom is a pre-eminent auteur who crafts a number of very effective scenes in A Mighty Heart. Unfortunately his cold hard facts approach to telling this story keeps the drama and emotion at a distance.

A Mighty Heart leaves you wanting some sort of catharsis, some kind of emotional resolution. Instead we are left with is merely a cold appreciation of the films technique and an admiration for the real life bravery of Mariane Pearl. That might be satisfying enough for some but will leave most wanting more

Movie Review: Changeling

Changeling (2008) 

Directed by Clint Eastwood

Written by J. Michael Straczynski 

Starring Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich, Michael Kelly, Jeffrey Donovan 

Release Date October 24th, 2008

Published October 23rd, 2008 

The title Changeling evokes images of little green aliens. I think director Clint Eastwood is going for alienation but the connection is missed until you actually see the movie. Despite the title Changeling, is really an affecting, thrilling drama featuring a performance by Angelina Jolie that is arguably an early lock for Oscar gold.

Christine Collins never usually worked on Saturdays but with a girl calling in sick and her replacement MIA, she would have to work this Saturday. It was to be the day she took her son Walter to see the new Charlie Chaplin movie. Instead, Christine had to leave her 9 year old little boy home alone. After missing her trolley and having to walk home, she arrived to find her son missing.

The police refused to take a report in the first 24 hours, assuming the kid would turn up. Walter would be missing for 5 months until a break in the case. A little boy found abandoned on DeKalb Illinois claims to be Walter. However, when mother and child are reunited Christine knows the boy is not her son. Bullied into posing for pictures and taking the child home by a PR obsessed detective (Jeffrey Donovan), Christine refuses to admit the child is hers.

Based on the true story of Christine Collins who in 1928 was the victim of a Los Angeles Police Department so desperate for good press coverage that they bullied and cajoled her into taking home a child that was not hers and went out of their way to convince her he was even as all evidence said no. Eventually, the cops tossed Collins in a sanitarium where she met other women who crossed the LAPD.

It's an exceptionally compelling story and in the hands of a master like Eastwood the plot is transcendent. There are several moments in Changeling that will absolutely take your breath away. Most movies can barely manage one breathtaking, edge of your seat moment, Eastwood has at least three. One is glimpsed in the trailer and nearly pulls an out of context tear.

Another is a perfectly thrown punch and still another is a classic courtroom scene that acts as a collective catharsis for nearly 2 solid hours of breath holding tension. There is no gotcha moment, no simple twists, no hand of god, just great actors with great material and a director who orchestrates it all to near perfection.

I cannot say enough about Angelina Jolie's transformative performance. Jolie takes everything audiences have known about her and turns them on it's ear. Aside from those legendary lips, in bright red here, Jolie plays totally against type as a meek, mousy single mom. Yes, she grows into a character we recognize as Angelina Jolie but early on as she effects the voice of a woman for whom speech is a desperate effort, you can't help but be blown away that you are watching the star of Wanted and Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Even her characters in A Mighty Heart and her Oscar winning turn in Girl Interrupted do not compare to the highly original work Jolie delivers in Changeling.

The title sounds very Invasion of the Body Snatchers but the movie is truly a moving, often breathtaking drama. Far from one of Eastwood's masterpieces but still a work that shames most other directors. Changeling meanders from time to time and fudges some character motivations but with three scenes of truly devastating emotional power and an overall hypnotic air, there is far more to recommend Changeling than to nitpick.

Movie Review: Alexander

Alexander (2004) 

Directed by Oliver Stone 

Written by Oliver Stone, Laeta Kalogridis 

Starring Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Jared Leto, Rosario Dawson, Anthony Hopkins

Release Date November 24th, 2004

Published November 23rd, 2004 

If Aaron Spelling had made a movie about Alexander The Great, it might sound a lot like the one Oliver Stone has just pushed into theaters: A breathy, overcooked melodrama of hot-blooded hardbodies falling in and out of bed in between fighting wars. Oliver Stone's Alexander is a big budget bio-pic that would feel more at home as a trashy TV movie than as a potential Oscar nominee.

Some 300 years before the birth of Christ, one man ruled most of planet Earth before his 32nd birthday. Alexander the Great, the son of King Phillip of Macedonia (Val Kilmer) and Queen Olympias (Angelina Jolie), was never supposed to be king. Because of a feud between his mother and father, Alexander was caught in the midst of a power struggle that leads to his father's murder and suspicion that his mother may have arranged the killing. 

Regardless of how he rose to power, once Alexander took power, he lead his charges to the ends of the world conquering and civilizing all barbarian tribes along the way. His story is marked with the deaths of thousands, but history is written by the victors which may be why Alexander is remembered as a benevolent conqueror who maintained palaces and people in power even after defeating their military forces on the battlefield.

Watching Stone's take on the life of Alexander would leave you to believe that Alexander's bloodiest battles were with his own top advisors, none of whom shared his vision of Asia as part of the Macedonian empire. Alexander's men simply wanted the riches of Asia to take back to Greece or the kingdom of Babylon, but Alexander -- a regular 4th century Jesse Jackson -- wanted a rainbow coalition of subjects who would help him rule the world and mix all the races of man; a regular united colors of Benetton style conqueror. 

Yes, according to Stone, Alexander was a champion of civil rights who even took a Persian wife, Roxana (Rosario Dawson), to placate his new Persian subjects. Alexander was also a champion of gay rights as well often sharing a same-sex canoodle with slaves of various ethnicities and sharing an especially close relationship with one of his top generals, Hephaistos (Jared Leto). The two soldiers never consummate the relationship on screen but it's clear from the dewy-eyed gazes and quivery-voiced declarations that if it wouldn't hurt the box office they might have hopped into bed.

Colin Farrell has played sexually confused man-child before, in the indie A Home At The End Of The World. However, there is a big difference between a broken home teenager searching for a family and an identity and the man who united the kingdoms of man before his 32nd birthday. If you want to play the character gay, that's fine, but do it with more depth than whiny schoolgirl stares and grandiloquent speeches whose only weight comes from the fact that they are delivered with an accent.

What happened to the fire that Colin Farrell used to carry him through his best performance in Tigerland? The fire that made him a logical choice for mega-stardom? Somewhere in the making of Alexander, that fire was replaced by the petulant longings of a dewy-eyed manchild. With his childish mood swings, it's hard to believe that this guy could have conquered his mother’s bedroom let alone the known world. I don't need Alexander to be John Wayne but a little butching up couldn't hurt. 

As for his mother, Jolie's performance provides the film’s only entertaining moments; not for her eloquent line readings or smoldering presence but rather the campy Joan Collins-style overacting she employs. Her every scene reminded me of the behind the scenes scheming that Collins made so deliciously goofy on Dynasty. Kilmer is no John Forsythe but he can bite into the scenery with the best of them and here he's a regular Jeremy Irons, absolutely chewing the walls.

Oliver Stone has always been prone to excess, but even by his standards, Alexander is a little much. His ego is way out in front of his storytelling here and what should be an epic feels more like an exercise of Stone's ability to raise large amounts of studio capital to feed his massive ego. A true disaster, Alexander will be remembered on Oscar night only as the subject of one of Chris Rock's biting monologue punchlines. 

Movie Review Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life

Lara Croft Tomb Raider The Cradle of Life 

Directed by Jan De Bont

Written by Dean Georgaris 

Starring Angelina Jolie, Gerard Butler, Noah Taylor, Ciaran Hinds, Djimon Hounsou, Til Schweiger 

Release Date July 25th, 2003

Published July 24th, 2003 

The first Tomb Raider, directed by action hack Simon West, was typical Hollywood action. Big, dumb and loud. That the film was even mildly watchable can only be attributed to its star, the charismatic, sexy Angelina Jolie. Despite the underperformance of the film at the box office, Paramount locked into a sequel even before the first film was completed. Enter director Jan De Bont, master of the big, dumb, loud action picture and what you get is another dull exercise in Hollywood action movie-making with another performance by Angelina Jolie that is the film’s only strong point.

Lady Croft is back in tomb raiding mode after an earthquake off the coast of Greece opens an underwater tomb that once belonged to Alexander the Great. Croft, with a pair of assistants, raids the tomb and finds a number of valuable artifacts. Most important to Lara is a glowing orb of indeterminate origin. Croft doesn't get much of a chance to investigate it as she and her assistants are attacked by members of a Chinese gang who steal the orb and leave Croft for dead.

Naturally Lara escapes and with the help of British intelligence learns that the gang members were working on behalf of the world’s most wanted terrorist, a former Nobel prize winning scientist named Jonathan Reiss. The orb that Reiss is purchasing from the gang members is actually a map that leads to the most dangerous weapons in the world, Pandora's Box.

It's Lara's mission to steal the orb from the Chinese gang before they can sell it to Reiss but to do that she needs the help of an ex-flame and former army colonel named Terry Sheridan. However, Sheridan will need to be sprung from prison before he can help. Sheridan is in jail in Russia after betraying his troops and selling secrets to an unnamed enemy. The past between Sheridan and Lara as well as Sheridan's treachery add an interesting level to the partnership and Jolie and Butler have a good chemistry.

All of that setup takes a while and even as it happens, we are treated to a number of big, dumb, loud action scenes. The tomb that once belonged to Alexander The Great is completely destroyed in Lara's shootout with gang members. This sequence features some God-awful effects. Especially bad is a scene where Lara climbs a large stone likeness of Alexander to get to the glowing orb. Lara is obviously not Angelina Jolie or even a stunt double. 

It looked to me as though it were the CGI video game Lara Croft. The action sequence that followed the fight and the destruction of the tomb is just as bad as Lara cuts her arm to attract a shark, which she then punches in the face and rides to the surface. It would have been more appropriate had Lara jumped the shark. Once on the surface Lara finds her boat has been sunk and she is left floating on a piece of it for three days, the cut on her arm and the sharks conveniently forgotten.

From there it's more big, dumb action. Bullets are fired at a rate that would make our military blush and more bad CGI stunt sequences test the patience of attentive audience members. The film’s most unintentionally funny moment happens when a camera travels over the ocean, a chuckle-inducing reminder of De Bont's Speed 2.

The only appealing aspect of Tomb Raider is star Angelina Jolie. The star is the only person involved in the film who isn't on autopilot. Her charisma is undeniable and can't be reigned in by the weak script and weaker action. Her co-star Gerard Butler wakes up occasionally to spark some sexual chemistry with Jolie but he is too busy auditioning to be the next James Bond to become a fully fleshed out character in Tomb Raider. Jolie's real co-star is that silver bodysuit she wears in the underwater tomb sequence, a wardrobe piece that will fuel the fantasies of teenage boys for years to come.

For all of Jolie's effort, she never really had a chance. The producers of Tomb Raider 2 wanted a by the numbers action movie that capitalized on the video game’s built in appeal and they got it. Just like the original Tomb Raider, the sequel hits all the usual action beats that are familiar to audiences. Paramount pictures will likely get exactly the results they were looking for from Tomb Raider 2. (Ed. Note – They didn’t, much to your pleasure)

Movie Review Life or Something Like It

Life or Something Like It (2002) 

Directed by Stephen Herek, 

Written by Dana Stevens

Starring Angelina Jolie, Edward Burns, Stockard Channing, Tony Shalhoub 

Release Date April 29th, 2002 

Published April 29th, 2002  

It seems there is a new Angelina Jolie story every week. Whether it's making out with her brother, entering into an ill-advised marriage or feuding with her celebrity father Jon Voight, Angelina Jolie can't do anything without making the papers. One is left to wonder, when will Jolie's movies become as notable as her personal life? Her latest work, Life or Something Like It, is another step in the wrong direction, a film only notable for the fact that it is worse than her last film.

Life finds Angelina Jolie under a poorly fitting blonde wig as Lanie Kerrigan, a TV features reporter at a Seattle TV station. Like any conventional movie character Lanie has it all, looks, money and a wealthy baseball star boyfriend. Indeed life is perfect, until her boss reteams her with her ex-boyfriend, a cameraman named Pete (Edward Burns). Lanie and Pete had some sort of previous relationship though the film is unclear about what exactly happened, we do know they don't like each other, which in movie parlance means they will end up together. (That, by the way, is not a spoiler. If you didn't know they were ending up together please purchase my book Romantic Comedies for Dummies).

Lanie and Pete argue and fight until they do a story about a street performer who some believe can tell the future. Tony Shalhoub plays Prophet Jack who tells Lanie she has only a week to live. Lanie does the only thing any rational person could do in that situation, she believes him. If a crazy homeless guy told you that you were going to die of course you would believe him, right?. From there the film devolves into your typical romantic comedy cliches without providing one original moment.

I can't say I was disappointed in Life Or Something Like It, going in I knew what I was seeing. I had hoped that an actress of Angelina Jolie's talent could provide a more interesting performance even in such a conventional romantic comedy. She doesn't. And what of Edward Burns, wasn't this guy supposed to be something special? Since his debut in the surprisingly good Brothers McMullan, Burns had been hailed as the next Woody Allen. He has yet to show the talent that was expected of him.

Director Stephen Herek, who's RockStar has become a guilty pleasure movie for me, returns to his genre safe work that helped ruin Eddie Murphy's career (Holy Man). Herek has the same lame crowd-pleasing instincts that mark the worst Hollywood hacks. Nothing challenging, nothing different, everything safely market tested for proper effectiveness. Honestly this kind of filmmaking turns my stomach.

Say what you will but I am tired of this cookie cutter Hollywood swill like Life Or Something Like It. I realize that not every film can be a genre buster but shouldn't every movie aspire to something other than just box office?

Movie Review Taking Lives

Taking Lives (2004) 

Directed by D.J Caruso 

Written by Jon Bokencamp 

Starring Angelina Jolie, Ethan Hawke, Kiefer Sutherland, Olivier Martinez, Tcheky Karyo'

Release Date March 19th, 2004

Published March 18th, 2004 

Director D.J Caruso is one of the most promising young directors in all of Hollywood. The Salton Sea with Val Kilmer is one of the most underrated films in years. Combining modern day Tarentino rhythms with classic Hollywood noir, Salton Sea was a rarity that combined smart writing, direction and acting. That success makes Caruso's new film, Taking Lives such a massive disappointment. Whereas Salton Sea was inventive, unique and intelligent, Taking Lives is mundane, predictable and clichéd.

Angelina Jolie stars a FBI agent Illeana Scott, an unusual criminal profiler who has no qualms about crawling in and lying down in an open grave or spending all of her free time staring at pictures of dead bodies. Illeana has traveled to Montreal at the request of a cop friend (Tcheky Karyo) to investigate a serial murderer. The killer’s M.O is to choke his victim, cut off the hands and smash the skull.

It's up to Illeana to draw up a profile of the psycho to help the Montreal cops, who include Paquette (Olivier Martinez) and Duval (Jean-Hughes Anglade), find some sort of rationale for finding the killer. They get a big break when the killer is interrupted during a murder by a guy walking home. The witness is James Costa (Ethan Hawke), a skittish young artist who claims to have never seen a dead body before. 

With Costa's help the cops draw up a sketch of the killer that they hope will lead to his capture. Another break comes when the mother of the alleged killer claims to have seen her son who she had thought was dead, an early victim of the killer. If it all sounds familiar, it is. There is nothing in Taking Lives that is the least bit original. It plays like an homage to Fincher's Seven (the credit sequence is an almost direct lift) but without Fincher and Andrew Kevin Walker's ingenious pacing, mystery and artful grunge.

Caruso seems to think that if you show really graphic shots of dead bodies that people will think of Seven and give his film a pass. This is not Seven, this is formula Hollywood with typical thriller twists and turns. Typical character mistakes and an ending so boneheaded that it would be laughable if the actors involved weren't such professionals. David Fincher this is not. 

It's hard to believe that it has been over four years since Angelina Jolie has made a good film. That was her Oscar winning turn in Girl Interrupted. Since that career highpoint, Jolie has fashioned an underwhelming career in big budget action movies, low wattage romances and a whole lot of unnecessary (though not unwelcome) nakedness. Her future still looks bright with Sky Captain and Alexander, but Taking Lives is yet another misstep in a career full of them.

Why an actor with such good radar as Ethan Hawke would choose to make this movie may be the biggest surprise of all. It's not that Ethan hasn't made a bad movie before but, generally speaking, he has a good eye for scripts and avoids formula Hollywood trash. Rounding out the cast of Taking Lives is Kiefer Sutherland in the Kiefer Sutherland role. Honestly Kiefer, fire your agent if he ever sends you a script like this again. How many times can Sutherland play oily creeps?

The film’s biggest disappointment is Caruso who wastes the talent. In transitioning from low budget to big budget, Caruso forgot the things that got him where he is. This film has none of the flare, inventiveness, or smarts of his first film. It's sad to watch Caruso simply translate a script to the screen with little to no style or substance. Taking Lives is one large step back for a director on the way up.

Movie Review: The Tourist

The Tourist (2010)

Directed by Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck 

Written by Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck 

Starring Johnny Depp, Angelia Jolie, Paul Bettany, Timothy Dalton, Rufus Sewell 

Release December 10th, 2010 

Published December 9th, 2010 

The novelty of placing pop culture icons Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp in the same movie is nearly too much of a burden to bear for the slight, off-beat, spy comedy "The Tourist." Director Florian Von Donnersmark, in his English language directorial debut, takes on the Herculean task of capturing these two supernova stars in the same shot and not having the camera overload from all of the star power.

"The Tourist" stars Johnny Depp as Frank a mild mannered Wisconsin school teacher who finds himself whipped into a world of intrigue, adventure and danger when he is approached by an unbelievably beautiful woman on a train ride from Paris to Venice. Her name is Elise and her extraordinary calm while picking up this odd stranger on a train is quite unsettling.

Upon arriving in Venice Elise absconds with Frank's bags thus forcing him to join her at her high dollar hotel, not that he really needed to be kidnapped. Frank will be Elise's date for the evening while she awaits the arrival of her loutish, criminal lover who, unknown to Frank, urged her to find a tourist who looks a little like him and frame that tourist while he and Elise make their escape.

The only thing that Elise could not count on is falling for the doofusy math teacher. Meanwhile, as Elise is pretending to seduce Frank, and accidentally falling for him, the duo is being tailed by Interpol agents lead by Inspector Acheson (Paul Bettany) and by an evil Russian gangster (Steven Berkoff) who believes Elise knows where his stolen money is.

The plot of "The Tourist" is meant to combine a touch of Alfred Hitchcock with a dash of Cary Grant at his most fleet footed and charming and while it conjures some of those memories, "The Tourist" is far more interested in the modern, tabloid-esque notion of Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie making goo goo eyes at each other.

During production of "The Tourist" Johnny Depp insisted on never being alone with Angelina Jolie where paparazzi could get a picture and create a story. In the movie itself, director Von Donnersmarck goes for a similar paparazzi voyeurism in scenes where the camera just observes Depp and Jolie smoldering at one another.

Depp and Jolie's beauty as a couple is the true appeal of "The Tourist," so much so that the plot becomes an impediment as it too our ogling of the stars. Yes, there is plenty of daring do and mixed up identities, even a chase scene that is unlike most other chase scenes (it involves a pair of boats tied together and a slow speed ride through the stunning canals of Venice) but none of it registers beyond the pull of these two stars.

What stands out in "The Tourist" are scenes like those set on the train ride as Depp and Jolie feel each other out with lustful glances and hushed conversation. Later, Depp and Jolie send sparks flying as they gaze at one another over dinner in a gorgeous café with candlelight and the moon glimmering off the canal in the background. Cinematographer John Seale's imagery here will make you want to live in this scene.

The adventure stuff, the spy stuff is treated with a light heart and good humor in "The Tourist" but it's beside the point. "The Tourist" is about two unbelievably attractive people being unbelievably attractive together against Parisian and Venetian backgrounds that can almost compete with the actors in radiance. This may not have been the overall intent of the makers of "The Tourist" but it works and I can recommend "The Tourist" because I can recommend ogling these megastars.