Showing posts with label Christopher Walken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christopher Walken. Show all posts

Movie Review Father Figures

Father Figures (2017) 

Directed by Lawrence Sher

Written by Justin Malen 

Starring Owen Wilson, Ed Helms, J.K Simmons, Katt Williams, Terry Bradshaw, Ving Rhames, Glenn Close, Christopher Walken

Release Date December 22nd, 2017

Was there a gun to someone’s head forcing them to make the movie Father Figures? I am struggling to understand how this movie exists. Father Figures stars Ed Helms and Owen Wilson as twins, we’ll get to that, who go on a road trip to visit men who may or may not be their biological father. The film seems to have been slapped together without much thought or care or with any semblance of humor.

Father Figures stars Owen Wilson as Kyle and Ed Helms as Peter. Kyle is a surfer bum who did some modeling as a younger man and lucked into a long-term gig as a beer spokesman. Life has always come quite easily to Kyle but not so much to his brother, Peter. Though he was always a good student, he was also geeky and shy and instead of pursuing the life he wanted he settled for becoming a proctologist. To give you an idea of the humor of Father Figures, apparently just saying the word proctologist counts as a joke.

So, Peter is jealous of Kyle, Kyle’s life isn’t the paradise he makes it out to be, lather, rinse, repeat. You’ve seen these characters in a dozen other similar comedies. The brothers don’t get along so their mother, Helen (Glen Close), concocts a scheme to bring them closer together. On the day she is getting married she tells her sons that she doesn’t know who their biological father is.

This angers both men causing them to rent a car and investigate mom’s sexual history to figure out who their biological father might be. Naturally, this is a very sensitive subject that can be very emotional and lead to many questions about personal identity and the makers of Father Figures just want to use it is as a poor excuse for a raunchy road comedy.

Find my full length review in the Geeks Community on Vocal. 



Movie Review Dune 2

Dune 2 (2024) 

Directed by Denis Villeneuve 

Written by Denis Villeneuve, Jon Spaihts 

Starring Timothee Chalamet, Zendaya, Austin Butler, Rebecca Ferguson, Javier Bardem, Dave Bautista

Release Date March 1st, 2024 

Published March 4th, 2024 

Dune 2 is the epic and awesome follow-up to the triumphant 2021 extravaganza that manages to top the spectacle of the first while never losing sight of the characters at the heart of both films. The scope, the scale, the spectacular action and special effects, all come together to make Dune 2 a film experience not to miss. Co-written and directed by Denis Villeneuve, Dune 2 demonstrates what can happen when a visionary filmmaker is given the resources and the time to explore their vision and realize that vision in full. It's a staggering work. 

Dune 2 picks up the story of the first Dune by fully revealing the conspiracy at hand. Not only was House Atreides attacked by House Harkonnen, the attack came at the best of the Emperor of the known universe, Shaddam IV (Christopher Walken). The Emperor believed that Duke Leto Atreides (Oscar Isaac, from Dune 1), was becoming a threat to his rule so he secretly supported and influenced House Harkonnen to take over the spice trade and destroy House Atreides. 

Unfortunately for the Emperor, the Harkonnen's failed to finish off House Atreides. Rumors are spreading fast regarding a leader having emerged among the Fremen, a warrior that many see as a possible messiah. The rumor goes further in stating that this supposed messiah is Paul Atreides, son of Leto and Lady Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson). Having been taken in by the Fremen, Paul and Lady Jessica have become members of the Fremen people with Paul taking on the name Paul Muad'Dib, and Lady Jessica accepting the role of the Reverend Mother of the Fremen, a challenge to her Bene Gesserit elder, played in both films by Charlotte Rampling. 

As the story picks up, Paul's place among the Fremen is assured just as his romance with Chani (Zendaya) is taking hold. The relationship between Paul and Chani is at the heart of Dune 2 as the script sets up a natural and heartbreaking conflict between the two, Chani's defiance over the idea of Paul as this messiah like figure and Paul's having to accept the role of messiah if he is to gain revenge against the Harkonnen's and the Emperor while securing the safety of the Fremen amid the growing conflict. This conflict between the freedom of the soul versus the notion of God's will is a terrific conflict and Chalamet and Zendaya make you feel every inch of that conflict in their dueling performances. 

Read my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Classic Movie Review True Romance

True Romance (1993) 

Directed by Tony Scott

Written by Quentin Tarentino

Starring Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Wallker, Dennis Hopper 

Release Date September 10th, 1993 

Published September 13th, 2023 

True Romance is a mixed bag. On one hand, it's an entertaining crime thriller. On the other hand, 30 years after its release, and despite coming out before Quentin Tarantino became one of the most iconic and influential writer-directors of all time, it has the feel of off-brand Tarantino. True Romance, 30 years later plays like one of several hundred movies that tried to be a Tarantino movie and failed. This is despite having Tarantino as the film's screenwriter of True Romance. Something about Tarantino's unique way with words coming out of characters being shaped by another director, makes everything feel just a little... off. 

True Romance stars Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette as a most unlikely pair of lovers. Alabama (Arquette) is a sex worker who has been hired to seduce Clarence (Slater) as a birthday present from Clarence's boss. It's clear to us, if not to Clarence, that she's too good to be true. She meet cutes with Clarence at a Sonny Chiba triple feature at a sleazy L.A theater. She's the only woman in the theater and is clearly going out of her way to meet Clarence. She flirts with the intensity of someone learning to be an actor in a bad romantic comedy. She even seems to listen intently as Clarence tells her about his favorite comic book. 

Nevertheless, the ruse works on Clarence and the two have a great time together. Alabama even had fun, even as she was faking just about everything. This leads her to guiltily confess that she was hired to be his date and show him a good time. When Clarence says he's not bothered by this revelation at all, Alabama tells him that she's in love with him and he responds in kind. Thus is born a marriage proposal as these two unlikely souls tie the knot and set about a life together. Nagging at Clarence however, is Alabama's past, which includes an abusive pimp that Clarence feels he must confront in a misguided attempt to defend her honor. 

Said pimp is a vicious killer named Drexl Spivey (Gary Oldman). Drexl is introduced having a deeply lascivious conversation about oral sex before he murders two of the men he's been chatting with, including a well-dressed Samuel L. Jackson in less than a cameo appearance. Drexl is not a man who plays nice, and Clarence appears completely out of his depth in confronting him. Nevertheless, Clarence manages to not only kill Drexl but also steal more than a million dollars worth of cocaine in the process. Rather than be put off by Clarence's multiple murders, Alabama says the act is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for her and their fates are sealed. 

The remaining plot of True Romance shifts to Los Angeles where Clarence and Alabama hook up with an old friend of Clarence's, an actor named Dick (Michael Rappaport. Clarence assumes that because his old friend is an actor that he will know who in Hollywood will buy more than a million dollars in cocaine for a fraction of the price. That he turns out to actually have that connection in Hollywood is a very funny circumstance, one symbolic of the tone that Tarantino's script is going for, though not exactly in line with the strengths of director Tony Scott who seems to miss just how funny this coincidence is. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 



Movie Review: Balls of Fury

Balls of Fury (2007) 

Directed by Robert Ben Garant

Written by Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant

Starring Dan Fogler, Christopher Walken, George Lopez, Maggie Q, Robert Patrick

Release Date August 29th, 2007

Published August 30th, 2007

Who is Dan Fogler? That is the question many who see the movie Balls of Fury will ask. Of course, most won't see Balls of Fury because they don't know who Dan Fogler is. Quite a conundrum. Nevertheless, Fogler is an acclaimed actor. He won a Tony award, Broadway's highest honor, for his work in the musical "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee ''.How one goes from Broadway star to the star of a movie about ping pong is one of those curious quirks of Hollywood. Something linked Fogler to the guys from Reno 911, Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon, and thus they came to cast Fogler in their latest unfunny comedy Balls of Fury.

Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon are two of the creators of the often quite funny cops spoof Reno 911. However, their film work has been utterly atrocious. I've rundown the litany of their sins more than a few times and here they are again. The Pacifier, Taxi, Reno 911 Miami and Herbie Fully Loaded. Blech! Balls of Fury is as inept and misguided as any of those features.

The story begins at the 1988 olympics. 12 year old Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) is America's hope for the gold in Ping Pong. Unfortunately, Randy gets beaten badly and embarrasses himself by knocking himself cold and proclaiming he was going to Disney World. Nearly 20 years later Randy is still playing ping pong, as a performer in a low class Vegas casino lunch room populated by the soon to the grave crowd.

There, Randy is approached by an FBI agent, Rodriguez (George Lopez), who explains that Randy is America's best chance to capture a legendary Chinese mafia figure known as Feng (Christopher Walken). Feng, it seems, is a ping pong aficionado and is holding an underground tournament for the best players in the world. Randy must get back in shape and with the help of ping pong guru (James Hong) and his smoking hot daughter Maggie (Maggie Q), prepare to play ping pong to the death.

Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant come from the world of sketch comedy and improv and you can see the influence of that in Balls of Fury. Sudden death ping pong is a good sketch comedy premise. Unfortunately, when stretched to the length of a feature film it wears thin quickly. You can see throughout Balls of Fury a number of unformed ideas that begin with the potential to be funny but peter out as the actors search for the punchline.

Dan Fogler is not a well known actor unless of course you are a fan of Broadway. The comic actor won a Tony Award for his work in "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee". Of course few actors, even one with a Tony on his resume, could make this material work. Fogler's co-stars Maggie Q and George Lopez are only slightly more entertaining than Fogler, each struggling with the bad material and unformed ideas. Then there is poor James Hong. As Fogler's ping pong guru this longtime character actor is repeatedly humiliated in the filmmaker's attempt to find something funny.

The only actor to survive and even grasp this horrible concept is Christopher Walken. The legendary Mr. Walken finds what little funny there is in Balls of Fury by simply doing his own thing. Walken crafts his wacked out bad guy character, commits to every detail and belts it to the back of the room. Walken's seemingly method approach to this bizarre character, an American pretending to be a Chinese gangster, is at times utterly sublime simply for Walken's dedication to playing it straight.

Balls of Fury is a bad movie. Poorly crafted, poorly conceived and stunningly sloppy for a mainstream Hollywood release. Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant have once again failed miserably in attempting to translate their unique brand of sketch and improv comedy to the big screen. And yet, Christoper Walken is so classically Walken-esque, there is almost a reason to subject yourself to this piece of junk. I'm far from willing to recommend Balls of Fury, but fans of Christopher Walken with a lot of time to spare may find something oddly entertaining.

Movie Review Hairspray

Hairspray (2007)

Directed by Adam Shankman

Written by Leslie Dixon 

Starring Nikki Blonsky, John Travolta, Christopher Walken, James Marsden 

Release Date July 13th, 2007 

Published July 12th, 2007

John Waters Hairspray was an independent movie that made only 6 million dollars during its theatrical run in 1988. Nevertheless, the film struck a chord with someone, because over a decade later the film was plucked from obscurity and turned into a Broadway musical that went on to gross far more than the film ever did and garnered a few awards along the way.

Now Hairspray is back on the big screen and in a most astonishing turn of events, Hairspray gets even more successful in its return to the big screen. This jaunty good natured, upbeat satirical musical is the most consistently smile-inducing film this side of Ratatouille and nearly as much of a must see.

First time actress Nikki Blonsky, who won a nationwide talent search to get this role, stars as Tracey Turnblad an optimistic young teenager in early 1960

Of course, what people really want to know about Hairspray is, how does John Travolta pull off the crossdressing, the fat suit and the song and dance all at once. He's absolutely terrific. Though saddled with a Baltimore accent that limits his ability to belt out the songs in full voice, Travolta really throws all of his talent and charisma into this performance and his joy is fun and infectious.

The star of Hairspray is not John Travolta however, it's the music. These are some terrific songs; performed with style, humor and panache. My personal favorite is "Run and Tell That" a fast paced dance tune performed by Elijah Kelley who I believe is a star waiting to happen. Watch this performance and the chemistry he has with Amanda Bynes during this song and throughout their scenes. Bynes herself is a real joy to watch, together with Elijah Kelly, they are great fun.

The showstopper is an all-cast blast called "You Can't Stop The Beat" a rousing announcement of the arrival of the 1960's and modern times and values. Hairspray captures our move to a more permissive time, an experimental and unique time in our history. In this moment the film is both of its time, the 60's, and beyond it.

Hairspray is a guaranteed great time at the movies. A non-stop toe-tapping, smile inducing musical that will leave you humming, if not dancing, out of the theater. Young star Nikki Blonsky is a revelation as Tracey Turnblad, not bad for a contest winner, and John Travolta is a scene stealer as her mom Edna, just wait till you see Edna dance with Christopher Walken as Wilbur Turnblad, this scene alone is worth the price of a ticket.

Rat up your hair, call your best girl and go see Hairspray. If you can't have fun watching this movie, you simply don't know how.

Movie Review Man of the Year

Man of the Year (2006) 

Directed by Barry Levinson

Written by Barry Levinson

Starring Robin Williams, Christopher Walken, Laura Linney, Lewis Black, Jeff Goldblum, Amy Poehler

Release Date October 13th, 2006

Published October 20th, 2006

Robin Williams is not hip. He's funny, energetic and a legit star but he is not hip. That makes his role as a star political comic, ala the undeniably hip Jon Stewart, in the new movie Man of the Year more than a little ill fitting. Williams is quite funny in notching a number of smart and quite pointed political barbs but also a number of jokes that are a little past their sell by date.

Of course, if Williams' hit and miss jokes were the film's only problem with Man of the Year it would not be so bad. Unfortunately, director Barry Levinson throws in one terribly awkward subplot that takes Man of the Year from merely flawed to flailing.

Tom Dobbs (Williams) has a top rated cable show on which he talks about the issues of the day with edgy, politically incorrect humor. One night before the show an audience member gives Tom a crazy idea, why doesn't he run for president. Floating the idea on the show, Tom gets a huge response on the internet that leads to him declaring his candidacy and getting on the ballot in 13 states.

On the campaign trail with his showbiz manager Jack (Christopher Walken), and his head writer Eddie (Lewis Black), Tom's approach to the campaign is serious and joke-free. Tom desperately wants to be taken seriously as a candidate. That plan goes out the window when Tom gets into the presidential debate and begins riffing on the hot button issues of the day as acerbically as he might on his show.

His debate performance garnered a lot of attention but there is no way he could possibly win. Or is there? Somewhere out in the San Fernando Valley a computer company has earned the contract nationwide to provide electronic voting systems. The system has a serious bug in it that is discovered by Eleanor (Laura Linney), the company's lead programmer. On election night when Eleanor realizes the bug she found was not fixed; she decides she must blow the whistle, something the company will not allow to happen (cue ominous music).

The computer company subplot is a thriller element that this film absolutely botches. After launching an interesting concept, a comedian elected president, director Barry Levinson gets distracted by the details of how such a thing could happen. Tossing together this computer voting/thriller plot, Levinson gives us a plausible reason as to how a comedian could get elected president but misses the more interesting plot, how would a comedian run the country.

Watching Man of the Year I kept hoping that Levinson would cut through the thriller plot and show more of Tom Dobbs comedian figuring out how to be the most powerful man in the world. His thoughts on this rather momentous occasion beyond the jokes might be some place to start. But Levinson, I gather, just didn't believe audiences would buy Tom getting elected without some chicanery.

It's a fair bet that many people might not buy the premise without the computers, but that really isn't the point. We are at a place right now where most of the country is in the center and the rest are divided to extremes and make most of the noise. The idea that the center might rally to a centrist candidate, say a charismatic comedian, is an interesting and timely idea. Man of the Year has that idea but tosses it in favor of a dull thriller plot.

In early 2002 Robin Williams did a standup special on HBO that absolutely killed. His comedic skills having been tarnished by a few years worth of really bad movies, Patch Adams-Jack-Bicentennial Man, he bounced back with a tremendously funny concert set. That concert, in which Williams mixed his wildman schtick with some very smart and pointed humor, is the template for the character of Tom Dobbs, wildly energetic and very smart.

Part of the genius of Robin Williams in that HBO special and here in Man of the Year is the risks he takes with his humor. Always on the edge between funny and cringe inducing, Williams rides that razors edge in Man of the Year by recycling Clinton era humor that makes you snore while making timely references to the middle east quagmire, gay marriage and racism. When he's on, Williams rivals Jon Stewart and Bill Maher in irreverence and smarts, when he's off however he's Carrot Top crossed with Richard Jeni.

Thankfully, Williams is on far more than he's off in Man of the Year. It's just a shame he doesn't get more time to be on or off. Williams is forced off screen far too often in Man of the Year to make room for the thriller plot. I love Laura Linney but there is nothing that even someone of her tremendous talent can do with this ill-fated material. The way that Barry Levinson brings her and Williams together in the film, marrying the thriller and comedy plot in a romantic subplot, is almost less believable than the crappy thriller plot.

Robin Williams hasn't been this good in awhile. It's a shame that his efforts are often squandered in a film that just can't commit to a good premise. Politicians need courage of convictions, at least the few good ones do, and the Man of the Year too needed a little courage. The courage to craft a comic idea that is timely and relevant. Unfortunately, Barry Levinson lacks that courage and instead falls back on plot mechanics and thriller beats that interrupt what might otherwise be a pretty good political farce.

What a shame.

Movie Review: Click

Click (2006) 

Directed by Frank Coraci 

Written by Steve Koren, Mark O'Keefe

Starring Adam Sandler, Christopher Walken, Kate Beckinsale, David Hasselhoff 

Release Date June 23rd, 2006 

Published June 22nd, 2006 

Adam Sandler and Frank Coraci have worked together enough to have developed an assembly line approach to their work. From The Wedding Singer, to The Waterboy and now Click they have developed a certain formula to their work that is undeniably popular with the Sandler cult but has grown more than wearying for the rest of us.

The sad thing about their latest teaming, Click, is that such a promising idea gets chewed up and spit out in the Sandler-Coraci assembly line; turning a clever high concept into just another lowbrow Sandler disappointment.

Adam Sandler stars in Click as Michael Newman; a harried architect whose main focus in life is success. Feeling that being highly successful in his career will someday earn him the time he needs to spend with his family, Michael ignores his family in order to provide for them. His wife Donna (Kate Beckinsale) is rather clueless to Michael's need for success and her constant nagging about spending time with the family is Michael's main source of stress, outside of work.

One night when Michael actually gets a few moments of peace and intends to watch a little TV he finds that there are so many remote controls in the room he can't even turn on the TV let alone watch. This leads to a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond (in the ultimate bit of brand placement), and a trip to the Beyond section where a wild haired scientist named Morty (a perfectly cast Christopher Walken) sets Michael up with the ultimate universal remote control.

Once home with his new remote Michael slowly discovers its amazing abilities. The mute button can mute real sounds, like the dog barking or his kids screaming. The pause button can stop time and coolest of all the fast forward button allows Michael to skip those moments of his life that are keeping him from getting his work done.

Unfortunately for Michael he did not realize that he is in the comic version of a Twilight Zone episode. He doesn't realize that such a gift has to come with certain flaws and drawbacks. After fast forwarding through everything from getting ready for work in the morning to fights with his wife to even sex with his wife, Michael finds the remote jumping ahead for him. Like setting the preferences on a TIVO the remote learns and assumes Michael's preferences and soon large chunks of his life have passed unknown to him.

Click has a killer premise that Sandler and director Frank Coraci fumble miserably because of their slavish devotion to the juvenile behavior that made them so successful and an inability to really dig beneath the surface of this potentially fascinating idea. They seem to understand that they have a great idea but beyond that they have no interest in or no idea how to dig into it.

Click spends it's first two acts showing us the various little things that the remote can do, like Sandler using the color mapping to turn himself into The Hulk, or stopping time so his son can get revenge on a nasty little kid. Then in the third act, once it's revealed what the dangers of the remote are, rather than dig deeply into the sad, inherently tragic elements of this device; the film simply turns maudlin. Sandler and Coraci imitate depth without ever achieving it.

The comic potential of Click is at times well realized. The scenes in which Christopher Walken as the wacky scientist explains the various features of the remote are very clever, especially the commentary feature with James Earl Jones (though nowadays Morgan Freeman would be the funnier reference). I also loved the trip back through Michael's life as Walken explains the rewind function. Sandler's exaggerated response to watching his birth and conception are terrifically funny moments in an otherwise laugh free film.

Christopher Walken nearly steals the picture as the wacky professor. Though he does not get one of his classic oddball monologues, Walken still manages to be Walken-esque. With the wild hair and wilder eyes, Walken, along with Sandler veteran Henry Winkler as Michael's dad, seem to be the only actors really having fun with this material.

If someone can tell me why Kate Beckinsale was cast in this film, aside from her obvious beauty, you are a better man than I. Beckinsale's role is barely more than a cameo. When Sandler's Michael isn't fast forwarding through their time together; she is relegated to the role of the whining wife belaboring the point that Michael is never home and is abandoning his family. Beckinsale is far too talented and far too interesting for such a minor role.

One of the biggest problems I have with Click is likely something that Sandler fans were perfectly satisfied with. That is Sandler and Coraci's inescapable need for juvenile bathroom humor. As in every Sandler film you have a dog that humps everything, actually this time I believe it's more than one, and in another scene Sandler can't help but stop time so he can jump on his boss's desk and fart in his face.

Oh, did I mention that the boss is played by David Hasselhoff, something Sandler and Coraci seem to believe is funny simply because he's David Hasselhoff.

Then, in the third act, the film wants to be credibly dramatic. Are you kidding me! How am I supposed to feel sympathy, empathy or even pity for such a wretched character and such a wretchedly juvenile picture. Click simply asks far more of an audience than anyone, save the Sandler cult, is likely willing to give.

What a waste. A smart concept in the hands of a pair of lowbrow millionaires, Click is a sad waste of time and talent, atleast the talents of Beckinsale and Walken. The lowbrow aesthete of Click is perfectly suited to Sandler who seems content to waste his gifts on dogs humping and fart jokes. It's a shame he had to waste this terrific idea for a movie with him.

Movie Review: The Stepford Wives

The Stepford Wives (2004) 

Directed by Frank Oz 

Written by Paul Rudnick 

Starring Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick, Bette Midler, Roger Bart, Glenn Close, Christopher Walken

Release Date June 11th, 2004

Published June 12th, 2004 

The troubles of a troubled movie project tend to go public long before the movie itself. Such is the case with the remake of the 1975 domestic horror movie The Stepford Wives. The signs of trouble began with gossip about onset bickering between the stars and director Frank Oz. Then, when the film ballooned from a three-month shoot to a six-month shoot, the gossip turned to outright fact. Finally, there was the kiss of death, the announcement of reshoots to change the ending.

Whatever chance the film had of reaching blockbuster status went out the window when the reshoots were announced. Now the best that the producers can hope for is that the editing, which when added to the time spent shooting brought the project to more than a year's worth of work, could salvage something salable, or even moderately watchable. That they did a little better than that is a miracle.

Nicole Kidman and Matthew Broderick star as Joanna and Walter, a married couple who also work together at a television network. Well, Joanna works, she's the head of the network, Walter works for her. However after an incident with a crazed reality show contestant, Joanna is fired and Walter quits out of sympathy. After Joanna recovers from a minor nervous breakdown, the couple take their kids and move to a gated community in Connecticut called Stepford.

Right off the bat, the place is weird. It's too neat, too orderly, too...clean. Not just clean but frighteningly clean. There is more weirdness as the family meets the Stepford welcoming committee in the form of Mrs. Claire Wellington (Glenn Close). Picture Martha Stewart on a serious caffeine bender. While Walter is shuttled off to the Stepford men's club, Joanna joins Claire at the Stepford day spa where the women of Stepford work out, though not in a way any normal woman works out.

Though her husband takes quickly to Stepford's ‘50s country club feel, Joanna is not completely alone in her alienation. Also new to the neighborhood are another pair of transplanted New Yorkers, Bobbie (Bette Midler) a cynical, slovenly, Jewish writer and Roger (Roger Bart) an outré fashion conscious gay man and well-known architect. Bobbie came to Stepford with her schlubby househusband Dave (Jon Lovitz) and Roger with his barely out of the closet lawyer Jerry (David Marshall Grant).

Being the only three normal people in all of Stepford, they commiserate over the oddity of the woman in Stepford. They all dress like housewives from 50's TV ads. They bake like it were their only job in the world. And strangest of all, these gorgeous woman are all having amazing sex with their doughy, dopey husbands, as the three accidentally witness on an uninvited visit.

Things only grow weirder though when both Roger and Bobbie disappear and then reappear in the Stepford mold with all of their personality sucked out. All of this oddness has something to do with the Stepford men's club and especially it's founder Mike Wellington (Christopher Walken), also Claire's husband. Though most of you know the film’s secret, I don't want to ruin it for the uninitiated. Needless to say, the film comes down to a battle between Joanna, the men's club, and indeed her own husband.

The biggest surprise about this film is not it's twist ending but rather how good the film is until that twist. There are a number of funny moments in Stepford Wives and most come from Kidman, Midler and Roger Bart whose biting comments about the woman of Stepford are very funny. The best scene in the film is when the three attend the Stepford woman's book club where the book of the week is all about Christmas ornaments.

Glenn Close turns in a performance that rivals her turn in Fatal Attraction for it's over the top lunacy. It almost goes without saying that Christopher Walken is good. Yet again, Walken has another of those speeches that only he could deliver. It's not as good as his tooth fairy bit in The Rundown or his masterpiece of death speech in Man on Fire, but for sheer Walken inspired lunacy it's a real highlight.

So what went wrong? Up until maybe the last 15 to 20 minutes Stepford Wives was a pretty funny comedy and then it flew completely off the rails. In his effort to distance this film from the original director Frank Oz makes a decision that is such a complete departure from the original film it's mind-blowing. The twist ending of the original film was what made it so memorable, it's why the film existed, for that one moment of shock. Obviously, that shock isn't going to be as good a second time, but the change made is so radical and so obviously tacked on that it ruins the entire picture.

Nothing of the first 50 or so minutes of the film’s run time makes any sense at all once the twist is introduced. This is a horribly misconceived change that I can't tell you how bad it is, you really have to see it for yourself to see what a garish and obvious mistake it is. So bad you wonder how a major studio and a professional director could make such a mistake.

The original Stepford Wives is a pretty good horror film. It's also very of its time. It's a social satire that drew from the burgeoning women's rights movement and the societal changes that were happening so quickly in the 1970's. When you look back on it this is not a film that should inspire a remake. The new Stepford Wives is not just filled with mistakes in its creation and final product. The idea to make it was probably the biggest mistake of them all.

Movie Review Man on Fire

Man on Fire (2004) 

Directed by Tony Scott 

Written by Brian Helgeland 

Starring Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Walken, Radha Mitchell, Marc Anthony, Mickey Rourke 

Release Date April 23rd, 2004 

Published April 23rd, 2004

Denzel Washington has become such a consistently brilliant actor that we have begun to take him for granted. Seeing Denzel's name on the poster, you know that he will deliver a great performance regardless of whether the film is any good. Case in point, his latest film, Man On Fire, in which Denzel is terrific but the film is an utter mess. Full of child-in-danger cliches and muddled visuals, it comes from Tony Scott, a once great director who has become a parody of his own best work.

In Man On Fire, Denzel is John Creasy, a former special forces soldier who regrets the number of people he has killed over the years. Living in a perpetual alcoholic haze, Creasy finds himself in Mexico City visiting an ex-army buddy named Rayburn (Christopher Walken). Rayburn has successfully given up the guilt of being a killer and is now a happily married family man. Rayburn feels he can help Creasy by getting him a job and finds him work as a bodyguard.

As the films jangled, sunburnt, out of focus prologue explains, there is a kidnapping every 90 seconds in Mexico City and one of the most requested services is that of a bodyguard. With Rayburn's help, Creasy gets a gig guarding Pita (Dakota Fanning), the daughter of an auto manufacturer, Samuel Ramos (Marc Anthony). Though he can barely afford to pay Creasy, Samuel hires him at the insistence of his wife Lisa (Radha Mitchell).

At first, Creasy does all he can to keep emotional distance from Pita but eventually her sweetness and smarts win him over. The scenes of Creasy and Pita bonding over swimming, homework and music are given great weight because of these two amazing actors but do little to mask the tragedy that is so obviously on the horizon. The film’s ads and trailer betray the tragedy of the film even before you enter the theater. You already know that Creasy is going on a killing spree, this is a revenge film so you can infer why revenge is necessary.

The revenge scenes are as brutal as anything in last week’s dark revenge fantasy The Punisher and much like that film, the scenes of brutality overstay their welcome. Director Tony Scott achieves a languorous pace that dwells on each bit of vengeance and regardless of how justified it may seem, it begins to wear on anyone with a conscience. The real betrayal however, comes at the end of the film which entirely betrays all that came before in one twist that makes you feel dirty for having been so involved in the film’s drama.

As always, Denzel is fantastic. I can't say enough good things about Denzel, he is consistently better in each and every role. It's unlikely that any other actor could have made this role tolerable. Because Denzel is so skilled and so trustworthy, we follow this character further than we would a lesser actor. It is truly sad how Director Tony Scott betrays Denzel's performance with cheap cliche and overheated visuals that border on the absurd.

I also can't say enough nice things about young Dakota Fanning who is so much better than the roles she plays. This preternaturally smart pre-teen is going to be one terrific actress once she learns to choose better material. Like her roles in I Am Sam and last year’s Uptown Girls, Fanning is far better than the characters written for her.

The rest of the supporting cast are merely cardboard cutouts, placeholders for plot points. Especially underutilized is Christopher Walken, who gets one good Walken-esque speech, the “masterpiece of death” speech seen in the commercial. Other than that, Walken is on the sidelines for most of the film.

Director Tony Scott has sadly lapsed into a parody of his better films. The man who directed True Romance, Crimson Tide and Spy Game has fallen in love with his camera and overuses it at every opportunity. Just because you can create unusual visuals doesn't make it necessary to use them. Scott can't help washing out colors, superimposing dialogue, out of focus shots and tricks with sound and editing. Maybe he felt the visual histrionics were necessary because the script is such an awful cliche.

Nothing is more cheap and manipulative than placing a child in a dangerous situation. Man On Fire is predicated entirely on a child being placed in the midst of gunfire and being the target of unnecessary violence. A screenwriter who can't achieve real drama falls back on this type of cheap ploy, this film is built around it.

The most ludicrous part of Man On Fire is not its cheap manipulative plot or awful twist ending, it's a little coda that appears prior to the final credits. On a black background, there is a message from the filmmakers thanking the wonderful people of Mexico City for providing such a great place to make a movie. The film portrays the city as a cesspool of corruption, a place where police officers conspire with criminals to snatch children, a place where a kidnapping happens every ninety seconds. Therefore, the thank you at the end is a rather backhanded slap as opposed to a real thank you. I doubt Mexico City is going to brag about having hosted the filmmakers behind Man On Fire.

Movie Review: Envy

Envy (2004) 

Directed by Barry Levinson

Written by Steve Adams 

Starring Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Rachel Weisz, Amy Poehler, Christopher Walken

Release Date April 30th, 2004

Published April 30th, 2004 

Imagine a Hollywood pitch meeting where a producer first tells you that he has Barry Levinson attached to direct the film being pitched. Then the producer tells you that Mr. Levinson has drawn the interest of both Jack Black and Ben Stiller. This is a can't-lose pitch and you don't even know what the movie is about. The result of this can't-miss pitch is Envy, a comedy about best friends, one of whom becomes a millionaire while the other remains an everyman schlub. Somehow, despite its can't-miss pitch, it misses badly.

Ben Stiller is Tim Dingman and Jack Black is Nick Vanderpark. Tim and Nick have been best friends and neighbors for years. Their wives are friends, their kids are friends and the guys even work together at a sandpaper factory. Tim is a dedicated worker but Nick is more of a dreamer with a tendency to nod off at times. Nick spends most of his time dreaming up wacky get rich quick schemes and his latest is a doozy.

After seeing some guy on the street cleaning up dog-doo with a rubber glove and a baggy, Nick is struck with an idea. It's a spray that would make dog-doo disappear. Well it's not an invention yet, as Tim is quick to point out, all Nick has is an idea with a name, Va-Poo-Rize. Regardless of Tim's discouragement, Nick offers Tim the chance to be his fifty-fifty partner for a minimal investment. Tim, not surprisingly turns him down but ends up kicking himself when Nick's idea becomes a reality and he becomes filthy rich.

Despite his riches, Nick remains in the neighborhood. He buys out most of the neighbors surrounding his and Tim's homes and builds a mansion that fills an entire city block directly in front of Tim's house. While Tim has to get up every morning and trudge to the sandpaper factory, Nick is riding his great white horse everywhere, making sure to wave to Tim every morning as he leaves.

Tim has trouble at home, where his wife Debbie (Rachel Weisz) has left him, she can't forget how Tim turned down Nick's partnership idea. Tim is fired from the sandpaper factory after blowing up at his boss and soon he is hanging out with a bum called the J Man (Christopher Walken) at a dive bar. As the bum buys him drinks, Tim becomes increasingly angry at Nick and when he gets home, he intends on letting Nick know it. Instead, he accidentally kills Nick's horse, which kicks the plot into an entirely different and strange direction.

This is a typical Ben Stiller character prone to humiliation, fits of uncontrollable rage and self-deprecating physical comedy. Stiller is funny in this familiar comic persona though it would be nice to see him try something different.

This however, is not a typical Jack Black character and that is where the film goes wrong. In Envy, the comic whirling dervish that is Jack Black is slowed to the point of normalcy. Black's character has all sorts of wacky outfits and a Jim Carrey circa Ace Ventura haircut but his character is a neutered version of the manic over the top comic we have enjoyed in School Of Rock and High Fidelity. It doesn't help that Black's character is often shoved well into the background as the plot spins out of control around the horse and the bum.

Christopher Walken is a welcome presence playing yet another classic Walken character with one or two of those way out there monologues that only he could deliver. However, his character is a distraction from the center of the film, which should be Stiller and Black.

Subplots are added and discarded as director Barry Levinson spins wildly from one comic idea to the next, looking for a purpose. The horse thing takes up too much of the film, while a more intriguing idea hangs just off screen as a controversy erupts over where the dog-doo goes when the spray makes it disappear. It's gross but it's a funnier idea than anything that happens with the horse. The dog-doo idea is introduced and discarded and then brought back without explanation and then left unresolved as if it were a comic idea that they thought worked but did not and the filmmakers were forced to edit around it.

The whole film feels like it was assembled in the editing room without a clear purpose of what the filmmakers had filmed. Thus, there are some funny moments in the film but no cohesiveness to the plot. It's a series of ideas with no central purpose. The ending is especially slapdash and unsatisfying. There may have been a good film in there somewhere but what ended up in the final cut is basically all potential and no payoff.

Movie Review Kangaroo Jack

Kangaroo Jack (2002) 

Directed by David McNally

Written by Steve Bing, Scott Rosenberg

Starring Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson, Estella Warren, Michael Shannon, Christopher Walken 

Release Date January 17th, 2002 

Published January 19th, 2002 

Jerry Bruckheimer's attack on the American moviegoing public continues with the release of the talking kangaroo movie Kangaroo Jack. The number one movie in America on its opening weekend, Jack is yet another black eye from a Hollywood community that just doesn't care anymore. They have figured it out, we will go see anything and then see it again. There will likely be a sequel to this movie proving once and for all, this country is on crack.

One of the great things about being a film critic is going to the movies for free. Great because I save money and because I can walk out on any movie at any time and not worry about arguing with the ticket guy over a refund. The movie hasn't started and I'm already eyeing the exits.

We begin with Charlie (Jerry O' Connell) in a voiceover explaining how he met his best friend Louis Booker (Anthony Anderson). Charlie was swimming and began drowning; Louis jumped in and saved him. Twenty years later Charlie is a hairdresser with his own shop that was purchased for him by his stepfather, a mobster named Sal Maggio (Christopher Walken). Louis is a street hustler (does that stereotype bother anyone? Does it matter?) who is constantly getting them in trouble. Louis's latest scam involves a truck full of Televisions that may or may not be stolen. These two characters are brain-dead morons so it's not long till the cops are onto them. They accidentally lead the cops to one of Sal's warehouses where the "family" keeps their stolen goods.

Sal is a little upset but instead of killing Charlie and Louis, he sends them on an errand in Australia. Charlie and Louis simply have to deliver a package containing 50,000 dollars to a man named Mr. Smith. Oh but if it were that simple, there wouldn't be a movie. On the way to meet Mr. Smith, Charlie runs into a kangaroo and thinks he killed it. A clowning Louis thinks it would be funny to dress up the supposedly dead animal and take pictures of it (HAHAHAHA, actually that is funny). Louis puts his jacket and sunglasses on the Kangaroo and the animal suddenly comes back to life and hops off. Not a big deal, except that Louis left the fifty grand in the jacket.

From there, Charlie and Louis mug like morons and engage in supposedly wacky hijinks with a drunk Australian airplane pilot and a sexy wildlife expert played by model Estella Warren. I would say Warren deserves better than this but she chose to be in this movie so it's her own fault.

Where do I begin with the "what's wrong with this movie" portion of my review? What's wrong is that this movie was made at all, but that is a little too general. Do you think that Jerry Bruckheimer is, in reality, some brilliant sociologist and that his films are merely an experiment to test just how far down he can push American culture before we finally fight back? Maybe he is just searching to find the bottom of the barrel, just so he knows where it is. Forgive me, I know I'm reaching but conspiracy theories are the only way I can explain Jerry Bruckheimer without just simply calling him Satan's spawn. I was just trying to be nice.

What do you think the pitch meeting for this movie was? It was probably something like:

Idiot studio exec #1 "I think the Kangaroo should talk"
Idiot studio exec #2 "That's Brilliant, call Jerry Bruckheimer".


Christopher Walken, why are you in this movie! Walken plays a stereotypical mob boss. Meanwhile, Italians are protesting the Soprano's yet not one word in protest of the goomba stereotypes of this film.

As for Anthony Anderson's character, a black street hustler simply playing the buffoon opposite the white lead character, how does Jerry Bruckheimer get away with such a blatantly stereotypical character and the makers of Barbershop get protested?

You may wonder why I ever sat through this film if I knew it was going to suck? It's simple, this is a movie review website and at the time of this review Kangaroo Jack was the number one movie in America. If this were a straight-to-video movie, we could ignore it, but with $17 million in box office receipts, someone on this site had to see and write about and no one else was as brave or crazy as I was. (Ed. Note - emphasis on crazy)

Movie Review: Catch Me If You Can

Catch Me if You Can (2002) 

Directed by Steven Spielberg 

Written by Jeff Nathanson 

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Christopher Walken, Amy Adams, Martin Sheen

Release Date December 25th, 2002 

Published December 24th, 2002 

Less than a week ago, Leonardo DiCaprio entered theaters with Gangs of New York, his first truly adult performance. He returns in his new film portraying a kid again. In Steven Spielberg's Catch Me If You Can, DiCaprio is famed teenage con man Frank Abagnale Jr, the youngest man ever to make the FBI's most wanted list. Though DiCaprio is playing a teenager in this film, it is yet another grown up performance that announces DiCaprio as an actor of great depth.

The true story of Frank Abagnale Jr. is one made for the big screen. Before the age of 19, Abagnale had been an airline pilot, a lawyer, and a doctor. He was also a master check forger. The story is told in flashback as FBI agent Carl Hanratty (Tom Hanks) arrives at a French prison to retrieve Abagnale who had served two years in the prison for the same crimes he was charged with in the States. We flashback to young Frank and his picturesque family life. Frank's father, Frank Sr. (Christopher Walken), and his mother (Natalie Baye) seem to be happy. Unfortunately his father's business is going under and the IRS is beating down their door. The stress is breaking up the marriage. This leads Frank Jr. to hit the road and begin his life of crime.

Frank writes a series of bad checks before the banks finally cut him off. Then, inspiration strikes in the form of an airplane pilot. Seeing the respect and admiration people showed for airline pilots, Frank sets about becoming a pilot (or at least looking the part.) After conning officials at Pan Am into giving him a uniform and enough background information to be able to talk a good game, Frank sets about being a pilot. Using his uniform and sheer bravado, Frank starts forging checks from Pan Am. The uniform gave him instant credibility and Frank's ability to charm the female bank tellers meant never even having to produce an ID to have a check cashed in any bank in the country.

With the FBI onto his pilot scheme, Frank settles in Atlanta where a chance encounter with a sweet little nurse named Brenda (Amy Adams) leads Frank to become a doctor. He fakes a degree from Harvard Medical School and watches Dr. Kildare. Suddenly, he's working the night shift as the head on call doctor in the emergency room. Thankfully, being in charge of a group of doctors means that Frank is never left to tend to a patient. Frank's relationship with Brenda leads to yet another close call with the feds, and has Frank headed for Europe.

Despite his adept criminal mind and quick wit, Frank is still a kid and still a sloppy criminal and the FBI is quickly on his path. In one amazing encounter, Frank actually comes face to face with the FBI agents on his tail and crafts an amazing lie to make his escape by posing as a secret service agent. The scene relies on a great deal of convenient timing and luck, but then I'm sure the real Frank Abagnale was the beneficiary of convenient timing and luck throughout his criminal run.

Indeed, Frank Abagnale's story is true. He was the youngest man ever to make the FBI's infamous most wanted list. He did cash forged checks over a three year span that totaled over 4 million dollars and he did impersonate a doctor, an airline pilot, and a lawyer and even for a short time a French teacher in his own high school. His first taste of how to run a good con, he made it a full week as a French substitute without actually speaking any French.

Why did Frank Abagnale do all of this? The likely answer is because he thought he could get a way with it. Spielberg however can't help tossing in a little pop psychology as a partial explanation. The film posits that the break up of his parents' marriage and his desire to reunite them by buying their problems away caused Frank to become a criminal. That and his father's hatred for the government kept Frank on the run. 

DiCaprio however never communicates a tortured victim, but rather, an excitable teen who lacks a good solid hobby. If there had been extreme sports in Frank's day, he may have just risked his life on stupid stunts. In place of that, his need for a constant rush leads him to crime. FBI agent Hanratty becomes his unwilling accomplice, providing Frank with the reason to keep running. What fun is being a great con artist or a great anything for that matter, if no one is around to appreciate it?

Spielberg is a preeminent story teller and in Frank Abagnale he has a great story. Unfortunately, Frank is too good of a guy for there to be any great drama. The film makes great use of the audience as Frank's co-conspirators. With his charm and wit, DiCaprio has the audience cheering for him to get away and you can't help but laugh at the way Frank toys with the people who attempt to deny him. However, the audience never really understands the gravity of his situation. Stealing four million dollars is a serious thing; it's grand theft. Yet, Frank is so likable and the narrative is so forgiving to him one would think it was okay for him to get away.

In many ways, Catch Me If You Can reminded me of a far better film, The Talented Mr. Ripley. Both films are about troubled youth con men. Both guys are loners who are desperate for attention and both draw the sympathy of the audience; however, Ripley is far more dramatic than Abagnale. His longings and crimes add weight to the character that Abagnale lacks. Catch Me If You Can is far more flashy than Ripley is and, for that reason, the drama is lacking. Frank never seems to be in any real danger.

Both DiCaprio and Hanks are strong but Catch Me If You Can still seems weightless. It isn't a comedy but it's not nearly dramatic enough to be taken seriously. Yes, this is a true story. But something tells me the real story is a little more dramatic than the featherweight screen version. All of that said, Catch Me if You Can is wildly entertaining and with Spielberg, Hanks, and DiCaprio, you have a trio incapable of making a bad movie together. Catch Me if You Can may not live up to all of your expectations but it is nevertheless entertaining. 

Movie Review Gigli

Gigli (2003) 

Directed by Martin Brest 

Written by Martin Brest 

Starring Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Justin Bartha 

Release Date August 1st, 2003 

Published August 1st, 2003 

In Hollywood history, there have been some monumental disasters. MGM's failure to recognize that the musical had run it's course led to the massive bombs Kiss Me Kate and Paint Your Wagon. The vanity of stars Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman lead to the disastrous release of Ishtar Ishtar. And, of course, the greatest disaster of all time the, the costliest bomb in Hollywood history is 1963's Cleopatra.

With history in mind, where does the Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez disaster Gigli rank in this pantheon? Though it wasn't as costly as Cleopatra or as awful as Ishtar, Gigli is remarkable for taking two very appealing actors and turning them into two of the worst, most annoying characters ever put to film. Gigli somehow cost more than 75 million dollars to make and you can't see any of that money on the screen. If you told me that there was evidence that Gigli was the result of a The Producers style scam betting on its failure, I would believe you. 

The film's title, Gigli, is pronounced Gee-ly, or as  Ben Affleck explains in an embarrassing voiceover, his character’s name rhymes with Really, as in really, really dull. Affleck is Larry Gigli, a low level mob enforcer who, when we first meet him, is explaining to a potential victim what might happen if you put a human being in an industrial size clothes dryer and put it on permanent press. Whether this monologue is supposed to be humorous or menacing is a perfect example of the numerous problems with the film, which can't decide on a tone or genre. The monologue lands in a place where it isn't funny or menacing. 

From there, we move into the film’s plot. The story of Gigli centers on Larry kidnapping the mentally challenged brother of a federal prosecutor. As played by Justin Bartha, the character of Brian is yet another of those idealized Hollywood versions of the mentally handicapped, who exhibits his mentally challenged qualities with tics and through an obsession with the TV show Baywatch, which he calls 'The Baywatch.' 

The kidnapping goes quite smoothly but Larry's mob bosses don't think he can handle the job. Enter an independent mob contractor named Ricki (Lopez). Ricki's job is to keep an eye on Larry and the kid and be Larry's love interest. Of course, that is complicated by the fact that Ricki is a lesbian. Nevertheless, the film grinds forward on the premise that Larry is so charming that even a lesbian might be intrigued enough to give him a try. UGH! 

Once Ricki is introduced, we are treated to a series of exasperating and incomprehensible scenes featuring some of the worst dialogue in film history. The lines that have gotten most of the attention are the lead up to the big sex scene. For some reason when Ricki decides, at least temporarily, to switch teams, she says to Larry, quote "It's Turkey time, gobble gobble". What in God's name does that mean? Is it a reference to oral sex? Turkey's don't gobble, that's just our closest approximation to what we think Turkey's sound like. I'm over-thinking this, but still. What? Now, in fairness, there does appear to be a scene missing that might have given context to that dialogue but even so I can't imagine any scene that would make that dialogue sexy.

Another dialogue piece that has received notice is a pair of monologues celebrating the male and female genitalia. The monologues are well thought out and if delivered correctly could have been witty, insightful, even sexy. However, as delivered by Affleck and Lopez and contextualized by director Martin Brest, they are flat, ineffectual filler. Affleck delivers his monologue through the single worst accent in film history and Lopez delivers hers with an air of disaffection that connotes boredom when it's supposed to evoke, at the least, lust. It doesn't help that Brest lights the scene as if it was a rehearsal setup and employs a score that tries desperately to manipulate the audience into giving a damn.

Speaking of the score, it's one of the classic signs of a bad movie when you begin to make not of the film score. As employed by director Martin Brest, the score of Gigli helps to muddle the film’s tone and confuse its genre classification. Is this supposed to be a comedy, a romantic comedy, a drama? Determining a film’s genre has never been important to me. I believe a good film transcends any classification. However, when a film is so confused with its intentions it helps to be able to fall back on its own classification as a way of determining the director's intent. With Gigli, it's completely unclear what anyone intended this movie to be. 

I didn't want to believe that Ben Affleck could make a film as bad as everyone said this was. Affleck has been a favorite of mine for a while thanks to his stellar work with Kevin Smith and especially his self-effacing humor on the commentary tracks of the Smith film DVDs. Those commentary tracks are as funny as the movies they are about and Affleck is especially funny. So watching Gigli is that much more disheartening. Say what you will about Daredevil or Bounce, I liked both of those films, and Phantoms is at least good for a cheap laugh. Gigli has no redeeming values at all, it's simply horrendous and so is Ben's performance in it.

Sadly, a terrible performance is nothing new for Jennifer Lopez who seems to be settling into mediocrity like a comfortable sweater. Her ineffectual pop tunes and droning romantic comedies like Maid In Manhattan are the perfect primer for Gigli. I cannot be surprised to find her picking up another paycheck as she ineffectually contorts to whatever is written on the scripted page, no matter how insane the script may be. After her work in Out Of Sight and The Cell, I thought maybe she had something but since becoming a superstar J-Lo has decided to coast on her looks and image and simply pick up a paycheck.


As for Director Martin Brest, well God only knows what he was thinking as he put this mess down on paper and then on the screen. Brest hasn't made a good film since, well has he actually made a good film? Beverly Hills Cop was good but likely would not have been without the whirling dervish performance by Eddie Murphy. Then there is Scent Of A Woman, the highly overrated film that won Al Pacino an Oscar for best actor. Coming as it did at a time when sympathy for Pacino was running quite high, people unwilling to question Pacino allowed that film to skate on Pacino's reputation and forgave its many flaws. And how can anyone forget Brest's most recent travesty, Meet Joe Black, in which Brest took the very charismatic Brad Pitt and managed to suck out every last bit of charisma in him.

So maybe the pre-release buzz that focused on Affleck and Lopez's offscreen romance should have paid more attention to the director who may skate again thanks to his being overlooked in favor of his stars. It is Martin Brest who put this mess together and directed these completely misguided performances. And yet, it doesn't appear that Brest will take the brunt of the blame for it. Which he should, this thing is his fault. Forget about Ben and Jen and the tabloid nonsense for a moment and turn your scorn toward the director of this mess. Ben and Jen aren't blameless but Martin Brest is responsible for their humiliation. 

Movie Review: The Rundown

The Rundown (2003) 

Directed by Peter Berg 

Written by R.J Stewart, James Vanderbilt 

Starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Seann William Scott, Christopher Walken, Rosario Dawson

Release Date September 26th, 2003 

Published September 25th, 2003 

After The Scorpion King made Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson a viable action superstar, many were quick to anoint him as the heir apparent to the Schwarzenegger-Stallone action star crown. The Rock need only prove himself in a film that wasn't connected to a previously successful vehicle (Scorpion King being a continuation of a character from The Mummy franchise).That proof of The Rock's star-power comes with his star turn in The Rundown, an action comedy that pairs the Rock's muscles with the motor mouth comedy of Seann William Scott for a fun action spectacle.

In The Rundown The Rock takes on the role of Beck, a henchman for some kind of mob figure. After failing to retrieve a debt for his boss, Beck is given the option of one more job. This job that will get Beck the money he needs to get out of the thug business and into his dream gig, owning a restaurant. However, this not your everyday gig for a thug. Instead, this job involves going into the dangerous jungles of Brazil to capture the mobster’s erstwhile son and return him to Los Angeles. 

On the surface, that might sounds simple enough but when Beck gets to the city of El Dorado, or as the locals have dubbed it, Helldorado, it's hot, it's dangerous and it's run by a whacked-out nut job played by Christopher Walken. Beck is quick to find the kid, Travis (Seann William Scott), but Walken's weirdo dictator and his wacky henchmen have plans of their own for Travis. Seems the kid has happened upon the whereabouts of a valuable artifact that could be worth millions.

Walken isn't the only one with designs on Travis either. Jungle rebels lead by the lovely Marianna (Rosario Dawson) also want to get their hands on the artifact so that they can get their people out from under Walken's tyrannous reign. This leaves Beck stuck in the middle of all of the fighting between Walken's thugs, the rebel’s, and in one scene some various amorous monkeys. And Beck is also fighting with Travis who's motor mouth is far more brutal than his fighting.

The Rundown is predictable, certainly not high minded or idealistic. What the movie does have going for it however, is some fun action scenes, some truly brutal looking stunt work, and a strong enough amount of wit provided by The Rock's put upon performance. Johnson's incredulous reactions to the numerous indignities visited upon his character is the film’s strongest source of comedy. That and it's physical humor which has the Rock hanging upside down, fighting monkeys and getting beat up by a group of Brazilian Little People. 

The films stunt work does press the boundaries of believability, such as an early scene where Rock and Scott roll down a hill and take a brutal amount of punishment. It's nothing a little suspension of disbelief can't get you past but it does feel a bit excessive. As directed by Peter Berg, The Rundown combines the kind of 80's style action movie where no one runs out of bullets with the 90's style action movie where you shoot and pause for an ironic aside before shooting again. It's clichéd but the actors make it tolerable with fun, witty, and knowing performances.

And then, Christopher Walken delivers yet another of his iconic weirdo performances. Be sure to watch out for a particularly peculiar rant from Walken's would be dictator about the tooth fairy. It's a bizarrely long monologue that is delivered in a way that only Christopher Walken could deliver it. Walken gives this monologue with his entire being, his fully physicality embodies this moment. It's completely outside of the movie and stops the whole story dead in its tracks but, it's worth it because Walken is incredibly entertaining. 

Even with a show stealer like Christopher Walken however, The Rundown belongs to The Rock, who I realize wants to be known as Dwayne Johnson but as a wrestling fan he will always be The Rock to me. Top lining his first stand-alone action vehicle, The Rock oozes the kind of star quality that you just can't teach. It's a great star making performance in a film that I hope will make him a star for good. The action genre needs The Rock's cool and charisma to carry it over clichéd plots and endless violence of stock action movies like The Ruindown. 

Movie Review Megalopolis

 Megalopolis  Directed by Francis Ford Coppola  Written by Francis Ford Coppola  Starring Adam Driver, Nathalie Emmanuel, Giancarlo Esposito...