Classic Movie Review Last Action Hero

Last Action Hero (1993) 

Directed by John McTiernan 

Written by Shane Black, David Arnott 

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dylan O'Brien, Charles Dance, Anthony Quinn, Mercedes Ruehl, Tom Noonan 

Release Date June 18th, 1993  

Published June 19th 2023 

In the history of Hollywood debacles, Last Action Hero has quite a reputation. With massive budget overruns and egotistical executives pushing for an extremely misguided schedule and release date, Last Action Hero was a doomed production. Having began life as a parody of Arnold Schwarzenegger style action movies, the film had to be radically retrofitted when Schwarzenegger chose to star in the film. No longer could the star be the subject of the jokes, he was now the one making the jokes. With Schwarzenegger aboard, the original screenwriters were booted in favor of Shane Black and David Arnott who were tasked with solving a tricky tone of meta-humor and action movie tropes. 

That a movie vaguely watchable came out of the mishmash or rewrites and revisions, that included something like 7 writers, including rewrites by William Goldman and Carrie Fisher, on top of the original duo of Zak Penn and Adam Leff. Both the director and star each offered insight on the script and well, you know what they say about Too Many Cooks? Yeah, way too many cooks took their turn in trying to boil up a workable version of Last Action Hero and the result is a bland, tasteless, pile of gruel, a little salty thanks to Schwarzenegger's star power, but mostly a forgettable and moderately distasteful meal. 

The concept is really the only thing anyone seemed to like about Last Action Hero. In the plot, a 12 year old boy named Danny Madigan (Austin O'Brien), receives a magical movie ticket as a gift from his friend, Nick the Projectionist (Robert Prosky), who has gifted Danny a preview showing of the new Jack Slater movie, Jack Slater 5. Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenegger), is an action movie hero in an action movie universe where he's an indestructible action machine who kills bad guys and cuts mad quips at their expense, all while rock music plays on a loop. 

It's everything an adrenalin fueled 12 year old could want, bullets, babes, bad guys, and our hero always wins in the end. This Jack Slater adventure however, is going to be a little different. Thanks to Danny's magic ticket, Danny is transported inside the movie. After dynamite seemingly blows up the movie theater, Danny wakes up in the back of Jack Slater's car, mid-car chase and shootout. Slater is as surprised as Danny to find a young boy in his back set, but that doesn't stop him from finishing off the bad guys and finishing the action scene. 

From there we explore the world of Jack Slater with Danny as our audience surrogate. All the while, Danny tries to convince Jack that they are in a movie in a series of jokes that diminish in comic returns each time. When Danny starts telling Jack that he saw the bad guys set up Jack's favorite second cousin Frank (Art Carney), Jack starts to take Danny seriously, a little bit. Things ramp up when the baddies realize Danny is on to them and the evil Mr. Benedict comes into possession of Danny's magic movie ticket and takes the chance to escape into the real world. 

Find my full length review at Geeks.Media 

Movie Review: Around the World in 80 Days

Around the World in 80 Days (2004) 

Directed by Frank Coraci

Written by David Titcher 

Starring Jackie Chan, Steve Coogan, Cecile de France, Jim Broadbent, Arnold Schwarzenegger

Release Date June 16th, 2004 

Published June 15th, 2004 

History can be unkind to a movie. Take Mike Todd's immense vanity production 1956's Around The World In 80 Days. The film was the most extravagant and expensive production of it's time and was awarded Best Picture, beating Giant and The Ten Commandments. However, ask most critics about the film and you get a different picture altogether. The film is a God-awful mess for the most part.

Still it's a well-known title and has the Jules Verne name to back it up and thus we have a remake on our hands. Sure, it doesn't have the extravagance of original film but it does have the charm the previous film lacked. And there is a lot to be said for charm.

Phileas Fogg (Steve Coogan) is not one of those “head in the clouds” types and he's not a dreamer. He's just a scientist with faith in man's ability to accomplish any task. With his sometimes-unusual inventions, he pushes the boundaries of known human limits and pushes the patience of Britain's club of top scientists, led by Lord Kelvin (Jim Broadbent). Fogg's boundless imagination has yet to invent anything that impresses Lord Kelvin. In fact, Kelvin does all he can to prevent Fogg from becoming a full-fledged member of the club.

It is fate then that Fogg should meet a would-be thief who calls himself Passepartout (Jackie Chan), which is French-Chinese or so he explains. Passepartout, unknown to Fogg, has just robbed the bank of England but it's not what you think. Passepartout was merely retrieving an ancient artifact that was stolen from his village by the vial General Fang (Karen Mok) and sold to Lord Kelvin. While evading the police, Passepartout hides out at Fogg's mansion pretending to be a valet sent over by a service. It is Passepartout who hatches the 80 days bet as a way of getting Fogg to transport him back to China to return the artifact called The Jade Buddha.

The wager is thus: if Fogg can circumnavigate the globe in less than 80 days then Lord Kelvin will step down and name Fogg head of the Royal Academy of Science. However, if Fogg fails he must never invent again. With the wager in place we are off on a wild ride around the world with Passepartout being chased by the Chinese army of General Fang and both being pursued by the bumbling, Brit Inspector Fix (Ewan Bremner).

The guys aren't alone though. In France, they are joined by a sexy French painter Monique La Roche (Cecille De France) who basically exists as a function of the plot. After all what adventure movie doesn't have a love interest? It's in the movie rulebook so she's in the movie. It helps that she is easy on the eyes and quick with her spirited wit. Monique has an immediate attraction to Phileas who’s somewhat clueless, again, as the plot would have it.

Okay, we are not breaking new ground here and not just because this is a remake. There are a number of contrivances and shortcuts. This was after all directed by Adam Sandler's in house director Frank Coraci, so what else would you expect?

Still, the film does have a joyous spirit to it. It's funny and at times even exciting, especially Jackie Chan who has never been better. Some have said that Jackie Chan has lost a step but I didn't notice. If he's being helped by computers, wires or stunt doubles, it's well covered up and his stunt choreography is as good as it's ever been. Keep an eye out for his bench fighting scene against General Fang's men and the Statue of Liberty fight, two terrific, exciting fight scenes. Chan can also mug with the best of them and here he takes on an almost silent movie hero vibe as his face contorts into all sorts of exaggerated emotions. His facial expressions make up for his still nearly unintelligible accent.

Sadly, the wonderful Steve Coogan who was so memorable in 24 Hour Party People never really comes to life in this film. Coogan's Phileas Fogg is entirely too straight-laced and uptight to be interesting. His main emotions stem from his constant need to keep track of time. The rare scenes where he does spark are the romantic moments with the lovely Cecille De France, who has enough energy and spark for the both of them. She looks as if the French have cloned Brittany Murphy and given her an accent, and like Murphy, it's her boundless spirit that makes her so sexy.

As a family movie, Around The World in 80 Days will try the patience of young children with it's few dead spots. However, once Chan has some butts to kick the kids and some of the parents will be very entertained. Try and forget the original film and especially forget Jules Verne who deserves better and has yet to see his work fully realized onscreen. Around The World in 80 Days is not for purists or nitpickers, it is simply a brainlessly entertaining piece of pop candy.

Movie Review Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

Directed by Jonathan Mostow 

Written by John Brancato, Michael Ferris

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Christanna Loken, Claire Danes, Nick Stahl

Release Date July 2nd, 2003 

Published July 1st, 2003 

No film has ever inspired more dread and more excitement for me than Terminator 3. Terminator 2 was the moviegoing experience that inspired my love of going to the movies. That awesome, visceral, exciting experience changed the way I looked at movies. I realized for the first time what was possible in films. The special effects were like nothing anyone had ever seen before. Those effects have since been rendered passé, but I have never forgotten the experience of seeing them for the first time. However, since seeing T2 in theaters some 12 years ago, I have only seen it twice. I can't bring myself to watch it again for fear of diminishing that first viewing. I took that same fear with me into Terminator 3.

My fears were increased when James Cameron, the visionary creator of the series, dropped out of the project and was followed by his ex-wife and series star Linda Hamilton. The fears were furthered when star Edward Furlong's real-life problems caused him to be replaced as John Connor. Then, most disturbing of all, the report that Arnold Schwarzenegger would spend most of T3 getting his butt whipped by a girl Terminator. Thankfully, my fears melted away quickly as the screen went black in my preview screening and new John Connor Nick Stahl began his ominous voiceover. That feeling I had from T2 returned slowly.

It has been 12 years since a teenage John Connor learned that he was to become the savior of humanity in a war against machines. Now under the belief that he prevented Judgment Day from happening, John lives a life on the fringe of society. With no permanent address, phone, or steady job, John goes from town to working odd jobs for beer money with the sneaking suspicion that maybe he only postponed Judgment Day.

After an accident on his motorcycle, John breaks into a veterinary clinic in search of painkillers. As fate would have it a former junior high school classmate named Kate Brewster (Claire Danes) works in the clinic and happens upon him. However, before she can alert authorities, she finds one of her clients shot dead in the hallway and a blonde red-leather-wearing killer is stalking her.

The killer is the T-X (Kristanna Loken) and what Kate does not know is that her name is on a list of people the T-X is to eliminate (as is John Connor). Before the T-X can complete her mission, it walks the real Terminator (Schwarzenegger) with the mission to protect Kate and John. After temporarily slowing down the T-X, the Terminator helps John and Kate escape, leading to a chase sequence that is one of the greatest in film history.

While some critics have complained that the sequence goes on too long, the chase seemed damn near perfect to me. Big, loud, and violent, involving a crane, driverless emergency vehicles, and numerous crushed vehicles, the sequence is edge-of-your-seat exciting and fun.

From there, we learn the fate of Linda Hamilton's legendary character Sarah Connor. I won't give it away, but for such a warrior it's a bit of a letdown. If any female character deserved a true Viking funeral, it was Sarah Connor, so it's disappointing she was lost with such a whimper. However, this series of events leads to another terrific action sequence, this time in a graveyard, with a hearse and a rocket propelled grenade.

Terminator 3 never drags and never tires. Its action propels the story forward without ever trampling the plot, which is a logical extension of the two films that preceded it. Admittedly, my memory of T2 has grown fuzzy over the years, but I was under the impression that the world was saved at the end. T3 has some logical and philosophical explanations as to how the story could continue through its use of the ideas of fate and destiny, classic sci-fi questions about whether you can alter the past or the future.

Then, of course, there is the philosophical debate about technology versus humanity. This film has a decidedly anti-technology vibe; even as the heroes are protected by technology, they are forced to fight against it. It is a fascinating debate, one the film sidesteps in favor of action and explosions, but it does spark the discussion about if or when our technology will go too far. Like a less spiritually inclined version of The Matrix, the Terminator series has some cautionary tales for our modern technological society.

Director Jonathan Mostow deserves all the credit in the world for picking up the gauntlet from James Cameron and making the film that Cameron himself likely would have made--a polished, professional action movie that is entertaining, exciting, imaginative and fun. Not only does Mostow provide the thrills, but he and screenwriters Jon Brancato and Michael Farris have brought wit as well (especially in Arnold's introductory scene set in a strip club on ladies night.)

I had every expectation that they would screw this up. That the film that inspired my love of movies would forever be tarnished by another big budget Hollywood shoot-em-up without a brain. There is plenty of shooting, but plenty of brains as well. Mostow did what I thought could not be done and nearly matched T2. It has been too long since I have had this great movie going experience and though the film suffers the loss of Linda Hamilton, it is a worthy successor to T2. If, as the ending seems to hint, there is a sequel, I will look forward to it like I have no sequel before it.

Movie Review: Collateral Damage

Collateral Damage (2002) 

Directed by Andrew Davis

Written by David Griffiths, Ronald Roose 

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Elias Koteas, Cliff Curtis, John Leguizamo, John Turturro, Tyler Posey 

Release Date February 8th, 2002 

Published February 8th, 2002 

Is America ready? I'm not talking about is America ready for a violent action film so close to anniversary of 9/11. I mean is America ready for an Arnold Schwarzenegger that doesn't entirely suck. In Collateral Damage, Schwarzenegger is Gordy Breuer a Los Angeles firefighter who witnesses an explosion that kills his wife and child. Not only did he see what happened but also he saw the man responsible, a terrorist called the Wolf (Cliff Curtis).

Schwarzenegger characters are anything but passive, and Gordy is quick to dismiss warnings from government officials including Elias Koteas, the CIA Agent who was the target of the bomb that killed Gordy's wife and child. It doesn't take a genius to know Gordy is going to Columbia to find the Wolf and avenge the death of his family.

If it were that simple there wouldn't be much of a film. Director Andrew Davis (the lensman behind The Fugitive) expertly builds suspense by keeping the film’s pace clicking along quickly. It doesn’t hurt to use Schwarzenegger's previously established action persona to give the audience the feeling that anything could happen at any moment.

The film's special effects are surprisingly cheesy at times, especially the CGI sequences that look as fake as they are. And at 50+ years old, Schwartzenegger obviously can no longer do his own stunts, so it would help to find a stuntman that looks a little more like him.

Those problems aside Collateral Damage is exciting and suspenseful from beginning to end. The film has an especially good twist near the end that I honestly didn't see coming. Is America ready for Collateral Damage? Well they should be because on video and DVD and it's definitely a worthy rental.